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|College Roomies from Hell!!! - July 4, 2005||[[In the guys' apartment.]] / Mike: Boy, watch out for Dave. He's in one of his moods. / Roger: Just as always. Tell me, is asbestos any worse for your health than say, getting deep-fried during your roommate's mood swing? / Mike: Heh! Just like the Fantastic Four. / Roger: Except we're not four, nor fantastic. / Mike:...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!!||[[Dave is talking on Mike's cell phone.]] / Dave: I want to speak to Blue. / Jay: [[through the phone]] Ah! Is that you, Petunia? Nah, I don't think so. / Dave: It's not up to you. Put her on or you'll find out about the fun of skin implants. / Jay: [[through the phone]] I don't want to wake her up. ...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - August 16, 2005||[[Dave and Mike are in the bedroom.]] / Mike: Hey! What the hell happened here? / Dave: Uh... someone... threw a rock? / Mike: Geez! Well, don't you just stand there! Can't you see the rain's getting in? / Mike: By the way, are you DONE with my cell phone? I was about to make a call when you quite NICELY...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - August 17, 2006||[[Roger and Lily, in the guy's apartment.]] / Roger: HEY! Wait, what's this sheep doing here??? / Lily: This is Lanolin! She's a gift for Mom. Thought she'd like some guilt-free fresh meat for a change! / Roger: She was never... I mean, what guilt? Besides... / Roger: I know we have a tradition of naming...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - August 18, 2006||[[Mike is in the guys' bedroom. Harry is outside it.]] / Roger (off-screen): Hey Mike, your dad is here... / Mike: Hell no! i don't have a dad! / Harry: Geez Mike, cut the drama... / Mike: Drama??? You said so yourself! Now go away! / Harry: I just want to talk to you for a minute, that's all. / Mike: Yeah,...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - August 19, 2006||[[Dave is outside the building, on the window-ledge.]] / Dave (thinking to himself): Don't look down. You don't want to get shipped to Mexico again, do you? / Dave (thinking to himself): *sigh* Why am I doing this anyway? I don't think Mike's phone survived the fall. / Dave (thinking to himself): He's going...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - August 22, 2005||[[Dave, brainwarped, is sitting outside Margaret's window ledge looking in on her after she has just gotten out of the shower.]] / Dave (thinking to himself): Oh my towel. She's dropping the curves, and the God is nice and rubbing, and... / Dave (thinking to himself): ACK! I'm not supposed to be here...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! August 23, 2005||[[Mike and Harry are in the guys' bedroom.]] / Mike: All right, sir. You're here now. Talk fast so you can slam the door behind you in no time. / Harry: Hey, I'm here to apologize. / Mike: Does your apology include kicking my indiscriminating ass? / Harry: Well, what were you expecting after what happened? / Mike:...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - August 24, 2005||[[Mike and Harry are in the guys' bedroom.]] / Mike: Gee, Dad, I'd really like to spend the break with you, but I think I better stay here with my lover. I'd crush his little heart... / Harry: GRMPH. I guess... you could.... bring him too. / Mike: But I'm going to miss my friends. Can I bring my twisted,...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - August 25, 2005||Steve: Pssch. We were lucky that guy from the car wash was there to break our fall... / Waldo: Not so lucky. He had bony knees. / Steve: That dork Roger is gonna pay for scaring us like that. / Waldo: Yeah, and the most scary thing is, he was actually HOT. / Steve: Huh. He must have been taking crossdressing...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - August 26, 2005||[[Margaret's bedroom.]] / Margaret: HEY! Is someone in there??? / Dave: Uh... yeah. / Margaret: Dave? What's going on? / Dave: I'm sorry if I disturbed you. Mike's going to terminate my life contract, and I just escaped through the window. / Margaret: AGAIN??? Dave, do you EVER learn? / Dave: Apparently...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - August 29, 2005||[[Margaret's bedroom. Margaret is holding out the towel she was using to dry off after a shower]] / Margaret: What? What's the matter? / Margaret: I know it's not completely dry, but it's better than nothing. / Dave: Why do you keep doing this to me? / Margaret: [[wrapping herself in the towel again]]...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - August 30, 2005||[[Margaret's bedroom.]]
/ Dave: Let me go, Margaret.
/ Margaret: Sure I'll let you go. After we talk.
/ Dave: I don't want to talk.
/ Margaret: Too bad. You started it.
/ Dave: Margaret, I don't want to be here, and you just can't... / [[Margaret slams Dave into the wall.]]
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - August 31, 2005||[[Margaret's bedroom.]] / Dave: You're not serious. / Margaret: Sure, why not? / Dave: Because... we're just FRIENDS. / Margaret: So what? It would be nice, don't you think? / Dave: THKCH? / Margaret: No strings attached. And you can get it out of the way. / [[Dave goggles at her]] / [[Dave pushes her...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - September 1, 2005||[[In the guys' apartment. Mike approaches Roger, Lily and Lanolin]] / Mike: Hey Roger, Roger-clone and Dolly. / Roger: Mmh. Do I want to know why your father visited? / Mike: Of course. He invited me to stay with him for Spring Break, undoubtedly to destroy my life. / Roger: Then what's the smile about? / Mike:...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - September 2, 2005||[[In the guys' apartment.]] / Mike: So... let me see if I got it. You were talking on my cell phone. / Dave: Uh-huh. / Mike: And you got angry. / Dave: Very. / Mike: You threw the phone across the room. / Dave: I was trying to throw it at the bed. I... missed. / Mike: Phone went through the window. Met the...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - September 5, 2005||Mike: RIGHT. Enough jolliness. Now c'mere, my knuckles and your face are on a DATE. / Dave: Wait a minute, Mike! Even if I destroyed your cell phone, I'm not gonna let you beat me with your robot hand. It hits like freaking roll of COINS! / Mike: This is not for destroying my phone, man. That's for...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - September 6, 2005||[[Steve and Waldo's apartment. Waldo's wearing a blue T-shirt reading "PSYCHO-SMURF". Steve is leading Lanolin]] / Steve: HAHA! Those idiots should know better than to leave such a valuable sheep out in the hall where anybody can steal it! / Waldo: Except, who would want to? / Steve: This is a SHEEFT,...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - September 7, 2005||[[Girls' apartment.]] / April: Welllllll? What did *just* happen between you two? / Margaret: You know? I have no idea. / April: Pssch. One's soaked and the other's in a robe. If I had to guess... / Margaret: No, I was not trying to drown him in the bathtub. / April: Aw, NOW you're just being annoying....|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - September 8, 2005||[[Dave is outside, in the rain, at a pay phone.]] / Dave: Thad, could I speak to Blue, please? / Dave: Yeah, it's Dave! And hurry it up, if you don't mind! / Dave: Geez, I didn't think butlers even knew such profanities! / Dave: Blue? Hi. Uh, listen. No, never mind that, I have only a little bit of...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! September 9, 2005||[[Dave is outside, walking back to the apartments in the rain.]] / Dave: [[thinking]] Wow, that was surprisingly easy. / Dave: [[thinking]] Why do I always have to make things complicated? / Dave: [[thinking]] She's so wonderful. / Dave: [[thinking]] And... I said it! I finally said it. / Dave: [[thinking]]...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - September 12, 2005||[[Outside the apartment. Steve has landed on Dave; both are sprawled on the wet concrete]] / Dave: ACK! What the...??? Steve, get the Hell off me! / Steve: I'm trying! Stop squirming already! Do you think I'd fall out of the window TWICE in the same day just for the fun of it? / Dave: TWICE??? If...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - September 13, 2005||[[Roger and Lily are in the kitchen of the guys' apartment.]] / Roger: Okay. I have a better idea. What if I spend Spring Break with Mom and you go visit Dad? We shouldn't forget about him. / Lily: No, I think it should be better if we both go visit Mom and then Dad. / Roger: Hum! Is there something...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - September 14, 2005||[[In the girls' apartment.]] / Marsha: What did April say to you? Tell tell tell! / Margaret: Something about the good guys. And winning. Dunno. / Marsha: Yeah yeah. And that means...? / Margaret: Who knows? I didn't get it. / Marsha: Dammit! Margaret, if we're going to figure out what's with her, we...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - September 15, 2005||[[In the apartment hallway]] / Lily: The HELL? I can't believe someone stole Lanolin! We left her outside for like what, five minutes??? / Roger: How do you know someone stole her? Maybe she just left. / Lily: I was thinking that! But she can't reach the elevator buttons. So no, someone stole her. / Roger:...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - September 16, 2005||[[Hallway, outside Waldo and Steve's apartment.]] / Lily: (think) Aha! Sheep smell! Getting stronger... / [[Waldo, nose andaged, opens the door of his apartment. They look at each other.]] / Lily: *shrieks*....Oh my GOD! The UGLINESS of it ALL! / ...................... / Lily (now smiling): So... terrifying......|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - September 19, 2005||[[In the guys' bedroom.]] / Roger: Okay Mike, I'll fix your robot hand. / Mike: Wow, so GENEROUS of you! What do you want? / Roger: Look, Lily doesn't know Mom is dead, and I don't know how to tell her! / Mike: So, you want me to tell her for you? / Roger: Holy Screaming Banshee, God FORBID! / Mike: Then what? / Roger:...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - September 20, 2005||[[Mike and Steve are in the apartment hallway.]] / Mike: A-HA! So you were the one who stole Lanolin! / Steve: Ummm... No, I didn't? / Mike: Yes you did! You have caused us great grief and grouchiness. Bad Steve! / Steve: Okay, so I did. Anyway, I decided to let you have it. / Mike: OOOh! We're privileged!...|
|College Roomies from Hell!!! - September 21, 2005||[[In the guys' apartment. There's a ruckus coming from the closet. Mike spins a key on his finger]]
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|College Roomies from Hell!!! - September 22, 2005||[[Waldo runs into the guys' apartment]] / Waldo: OUTTA MY WAY! DEATH RIDES BESIDE ME! / Waldo: FEMALE ROGER WANTS TO SEX ME UP! / Mike: Female Roger, huh? Heh. Well, this is not a very good place to hide. He's got a KEY, you know... / Waldo: Because I'm looking for Steve! Is he here or not? / Mike:...|
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