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| 1004 | ink / / Bird 1: Has the house-goddess filled the box with our favorite tasty seeds again? / Bird 2: Indeed she has. She is truly kind and good. And yet ... and yet, she owns the cat. / / / Bird 1: Ah, the cat. He's gotten four of us this spring. Raises all kinds of sticky theological questions about good and... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id= |
| Roofers | Roofer 1: I'm not joking, Ben! I really nailed my hand to the roof! / Ben: I don't believe you.I've had seven years of your jokes. I'm not even looking up this time. / Roofer 1: But it hurts so bad! / / Ben: And even if you really did it, it serves you right. It's like "the Boy who Cried Wolf." / Roofer 1: You're... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1001 |
| Koalas | Mother Koala: Here come some more people. Now who's cute? / Baby Koala: We're cute. / Mother: Who's Fuzzy and adorable? / Baby: Koala bears. / Mother: Work it. / Baby: I am soooo workin' it. / / / Mother: Aw yeah. Who's got this kinda cute ... the monkeys?! / Baby: Fuck the monkeys. / Mother: Thass right. Hang on, here... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1005 |
| Mr. Ficus | Little girl: Mommy says you're not doing too good Mr. Ficus. / Ficus: I'm dying, kid. Your mother keeps dumping that over-chlorinated crap you call tap water on me. / / / Little girl: Is there anything I can do to make you better? / Ficus: No, it's too late for me. But maybe you could get Mrs. Mengele a book... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1007 |
| Paradox Dragon | Narrator: On the hundredth day of my quest, I faced the paradox dragon. I knew that one of its three heads always lied, one always told the truty, and the other head would alternate. / Head 1: You may ask us one question, then you must guess which head is which. / Head 2: He's lying. You get three questions. / Head... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1008 |
| Bogroll the Cyclops | Evil lord: All right, Bogroll. Now at your last performance review, you named some areas where you could improve. You said you'd like to "Be teased less by the other henchmen," and "Be better at lurking and stealth." Now how is the stealth thing coming? / Bogroll: Quite well, my lord. I have perfected... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1009 |
| Phone Geek | So you'll never believe what I snagged on eBay. You know how proud you are of your "Revenge of the Jedi" poster? Well now I can top it. I just got an ultra-rare, full-size "Star Trek II: The Vengeance of Khan" poster. Mint. / ROFL. Dude, I can't believe you're the buyer on that. It's my auction! And the... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1010 |
| Anniversary Couple | It's so romantic, renewing our vows a week after our granddaughter was married. / They made the perfect couple, didn't they? After us, of course. / / I know! / Can't you picture them at our age in 40 years? He'll be handsome and strong in his smart-fiber tuxedo and bionic implants. She'll be fussing wither... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1011 |
| Ducklings | Well. Here we are. / The world is certainly a big and connfusing place, isn't it? / Nah, I got it all figured out. / You do? / Sure. Remember, I hatched a whole day before you did. I've seen a lot more. Here's all you need to know... / / There's blobs that move, and blobs that don't. You can ignore the blobs that... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1012 |
| Boot Hill | C'mon, Archibald. Just tell us how you died. / Yeah. / Now. It's not a contest, okay? We're all dead! It shouldn't matter how we got here. / / You know, Halloween is coming soon. / Oh yeah! We can walk over there and read his headstone. / OK, fine. I was on the trail at night, extremely drunk and lonely, and I,... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1013 |
| Mr. Hare | Ha-ha! What a story! It must be ever so grand to live in an enchanted wood, Mr. Hare. / Quite so. But it has its perils. Just this morning, for example, I was nearly eaten by a great, hungry wolf. / Goodness! / / Indeed. I had to talk most devilishly quick! / Oh? And what clever thing did you say to get him to... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1014 |
| Merlin's Magic Mirror | Narrator: My uncle was a rogue archaeologist. He left me the most precious artifact he ever looted: Merlin's magic mirror. / Mirror: Bah. / / Narrator: It can answer any question I ask it. But I've been warned of its curse. If I try to use its knowledge for my own personal gain, I will come to ruin. / Mirror:... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1015 |
| Makeup Counter | And the nice thing about this line of cosmetics is that they're not tested on animals. / That's great! But how do you know they're safe? / / Easy. They test them on political prisoners in Myanmar, in exchange for reduced sentences. / Um, really? You're kidding... / / Oh, don't worry...not the cute ones. / Oh! O... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1016 |
| Brain Surgeon | I know I have to keep talking to you, doctor. But I'm afraid I'm distracting you or something. / It's part of the procedure, Mr. Billings. I have to map the regions of your brain. Just keep talking, about anything at all. / / Oh, OK. Uh, did you watch the Rams game? / Yes! And I can't believe they couldn't... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1017 |
| Tractor Safety Manual | Boy howdy, there's a lot of things they tell you not ta do with this new model. / "Do not use to demolish structures." / / "Do not use to pull an automotive engine block... do not use as a bulletproof barricade..." / And ta think, each of these warnings has a story behind it. / / Ooh, there you are, Chet! There... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1018 |
| Reincarnated Baby | If you were wondering about reincarnation, folks, it's true. A few weeks ago I was an investment banker with emphysema. I made a lot of money, but I ruined quite a few people's lives doing it. / It looks like I've been given a chance to live a new life, free of my past mistakes. / / Now, I know I'll probably... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1019 |
| Old Man Greene | After dad was gone, I had to go back to Albertville, to find out for myself why he refused to ever talk about the town he grew up in. / You shouldn't've come here, son. Sometimes the truth needs to stay buried. / But since it's important to ya... yeah, I'll tell you what happened. / / Your daddy was a sissy... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1020 |
| Fishing With Grampa | hey grampa? how come you never give me any, like, "wise old advice?" / well, jeanette, i guess it's because of something my grandfather told me, when i was about your age. / / he said, "harlan, if you ever find yourself a good woman, don't shy away from givin' her the backhand once in a while. keeps her... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1021 |
| Doing Taxes | Three dependents. That's all I can claim. No additional deductions for "spouse" if she happens to be a hideous, life-draining harpy. / / Bill Sherman's kids bring home trophies from the science fair and gymnastics. / Is it fair that he gets the same two deductions that I get for raising the Antichrist and... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1022 |
| Boy Reading | Oss... / truh... / lo... / pith... / uh... / seen... / Sweetie stop making noises and look at the book, okay? See the picture of the caveman family? Can you say "caveman?" / / Ho... / mo... / hab... / bill... / luss... / No sweetie, caveman. Caaaaaavemaaaaan. / / It's okay, your daddy and I will always love you and we'll... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1023 |
| Paddleboat | I guess it's my information-age attention span, but I gotta admit I'm getting bored. / How can you say that? It's the most dramatic thing we've ever witnessed! / / Well yeah, for the first hour. The blessing of seeing something like this on the news is that they show you ten seconds of footage and tell you,... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1024 |
| Tank | Lieutenant: Sergeant, our next objective is a battering ram maneuver. We're to smash through the cinder block structure at the top of the next rise. / Sergeant: Yes, sir. / / blank / / Lieutenant: And please don't yell, "hey, Kool-Aid!" again. It's only funny once. / Sergeant: Yes, sir. http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1025 |
| Computer Training | OK, now move the curosr to the blue status bar and click once. / You're such a patient trainer, Susan. / OK, what did that beep mean? / / That's called an "alert chime." It means that something has changed and it needs your attention. Can you see what to do next? / I think so. Let me try on my own. / / Wooooow...... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1026 |
| Hiking | Mr. Whittaker? Brent keeps stepping on my boot heel. / So hit him. Punch him in the eye. / / That's now what you're supposed to say. You're not being a very good role model. / Let me take this opportunity to disabuse you of that notion: I am not a role model. / Trust me. If all of you kids said, "I want to live... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1027 |
| Construction Crew | Man 1: Man, he can't do that. Get him down here. / Chuck: Larry, there's some concern among the site managers that you might not be fit for duty. We need you to park the crane, come down here and pee in a cup, please. / Larry Martin: What?! How could you think I'm on drugs? I place twice as many beams as... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1028 |
| Carriage Ride | Oh Alexei. Leave it to you to come up with some grand romantic gesture to try and save our relationship. / But it's no use. We're from different worlds. It's time we went our separate ways. / It's not that simple, Anne. You see, if I can't have you, nobody can. / / A number of my fellow KGB agents, all crack... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1029 |
| Scarecrow | Oh God, here they come. Mr. and Mrs. Suburban Chic, getting out of their Lexus to snap a few shots of this "idyllic rustic autumnal tableau." / Look at 'em tiptoe across the field. Like if they stepped in a cow pie they'd get a leg blown off. / Christ, he's got a Nikon F-5. That's an $1,800 camera. You... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1030 |
| Language Lab | Welcome to the Morningwood College Language Lab. You have selected reel 1 of PLAT 101: Introduction to Pig Latin. / / When you have completed the intro course, you will be proficient in this timeless and musical tongue. You will manage complex phrases, such as: "ou-yay ould-shay ave-hay one-gay o-tay an-yay... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1031 |
| Optometrist Mom | OK, Lydia. When you meet the optometrist, she'll be wearing a coat like this, and she'll ask you to read this exact chart. / But I can see the letters fine, mommy. I don't have to cheat. / / It's not cheating, it's preparation. The other mommies just don't care enough about their little girls to buy the prep... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1032 |
| Mrs. Baxter's Baby | Is he your first baby, Mrs. Baxter? / Oh yes. It's the first time anything has come out of my body that didn't get flushed down the toilet. / / Kind of a creepy observation, but true enough, I suppose. / I just mean... well it's weird, isn't it? It's like one day you took a massive poop, and they wrapped it... http://partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1033 |