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Jesus VW Kristian: You think that 40ft cross up there is where Jesus got hit by a car? / Dave: You mean as a memorial? He did always have a thing for hitchhiking. / Kristian: You know what kind of car hit him? / Dave: It had to be a... / Kristian: A Volkswagen, yup. / Dave: They did always have a thing for killing Jews.
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050429
The Dream Narrator: Of all the coffee shops in all the towns in all the world, they had to walk into mine... / Narrator: Shock was setting in. I had never expected the group to be within ten feet of me. But it all made sense in a strange way. / Tycho: What the shit do I smell in here? / Narrator: Unfortunately, Tycho didn't seem his usual, eloquent self that I read in his weekly postings. He was retarded. And I don't mean in the figurative sense. No no, he was visibly stricken with a good case of the Downs. / <> / Narrator: I pitied him while also maintaining a great sense of awe. How could this simple man standing here not be able to communicate coherently except through his website? But this feeling was quickly interrupted by Brenna's feet. / Brenna: Smell my feet. / Narrator: So I did. And they smelled good. / Narrator: What you just witnessed way my woefully pathetic attempt at recreating in comic form a dream I had a few nights ago. I woke up in a cold sweat. It was exhilarating, enlightening, and just plain fucking scary. So I'll just leave you with one question... What the fuck does it mean?!
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050430
A Daily Shower, An Effective Spermicide Narrator: A bathroom 20 miles outside Phoenix, AZ. / [[Man is sits down on toilet while reading newspaper]] / <> / Narrator: In my bathroom a few seconds later. / Kristian: AAARRGGGHHHH! It's as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced! / Narrator: Coincidence? I think not.
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050501
Voted Out of Reality CD Player: I'm a survivor (what), I'm not gonna give up (what), I'm not gon' stop (what), I'm gonna work harder (what), / <> / CD Player: I'm a survivor (what), I'm not gonna give up (what), I'm not gon' stop (what), I'm gonna work harder (what), / <> / CD Player: I'm a survivor (what), I'm not gonna give up (what), I'm not gon' stop (what), I'm gonna work harder (what), / <> / CD Player: I'm a survivor (what), I'm not gonna give up (what), I'm not gon' stop (what), I'm gonna work harder (what), / <> / CD Player: I'm a survivor (what), I'm not gonna give up (what), I'm not gon' stop (what), I'm gonna work harder (what), / <> / CD Player: I'm a survivor (what), I'm not gonna give up (what), I'm not gon' stop (what), I'm gonna work harder (what), / <> / [[Beyonce flies in and grabs the girl in a headlock]] / Kristian: ...and she kept twisting until I heard a pop. Then, just as fast as she arrived, Beyonce ran off with the girl's skull and spine! She must have wanted a trophy like in Predator 2. / Dave: Naturally.
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050510
Futuristic Coat Hanger Padme: Anakin, something wonderful has happened. I'm... I'm pregnant. / Anakin: That's... that's, uh, wonderful. / Padme: Why aren't you happy? / Anakin:Well, it's just that, uh, I wasn't really planning on this happening Right now, Padme. / Padme: What? This is a blessing! / Anakin: Oh yeah, yeah, definitely, but... gosh, you know, I've got this whole Jedi thing going on. I'm so close to being on the council! I'm just not sure... / Padme: What are you saying, Annie?? / Anakin: Um, ok... I'm just gonna throw this out there... Chancellor Palp's been showing me some really sweet Jedi techniques. ... You'd just need to hold still, while I concentrate on my light saber. I think I could ease it in there, and... / Padme: GASP / Anakin: It'd just be a quick flip of the wrist.
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050518
 
Facial Growth Obi Wan: YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE! / Anakin: I HATE YOU! / Obi Wan: It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them! It was you who would bring balance to the Force, not leave it in Darkness. / Obi Wan: You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you. / Anakin: Hey, hey, hey... look, I'm sorry, but I, uh, I haven't been paying attention. It's that thing on your forehead. It's too distracting, it's like looking at Russell Crowe. You want me to cut it off for you? I still have one good hand left.
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050601
He's a Fine Actor Narration: How Lucas could have saved a lot of money without negatively affecting Episode 3. / [[Anaking is replaced by a wooden log with a note tacked onto it saying 'you are beautiful']] / Padme: It's only because I'm so in love... / [[Children are seen cowering behind the seats as wooden log Anakin enters]] / Kids: Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What are we going to do? / [[Wooden log Anakin is face down in volcanic ash with a note saying 'I hate you']] / [[Wooden log Anakin has Darth Vader helmet and breathing box attached with a note saying 'nooooooooooooooooooo']]
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050602
Mini Monks Dave: Give me your lighter fluid, dick. My Zippo's dry. / Kristian: No. I'm running low and I need it. / Dave: Fuck that. For what? You don't smoke, fag. Gimme that fluid. / Kristian: Fuck off! I said no. I'm saving it for a project. / Dave: Fine, whatever. I got some matches around here. / Kristian: It's ok guys, he's gone now. You'll still have enough fluid left for tomorrow's sacrificial protest! / Mini-monk #1: Bless you, my son! / Mini-monk #2: Buddha would be proud.
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050603
101 Uses of Small Intestine Husband: Keep your eyes closed. / Wife: Honey, what is this? We'll be late for dinner. / Husband: I just want to show you how my last surgery went. I was working on Mr. Whitter for 12 hours. / Wife: hehe, ok... / Husband: SURPRISE / <> / Wife: OH DREW!! Yes! The answer's yes! / [[X-ray on wall shows organs twisted to display "Will you marry me?"]]
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050608
All Orders Shipped Same Day Batman: Let me give you a quick tour of the Batcave. It's where I spend most of my time, as you can guess. This is the Batcar... / Batman: And this is where I keep my spare suits... and my extensive line of unique gadgets. / Woman: Where do you find all of these things?? / Batman: Uh... um... oh, they're all lovingly hand-crafted.
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050615
 
SNL Peaked Years Ago Dad: Oh wow, there so many things I'm learning as a new parent. Hmm... A newborn's skull is actually made up of smaller, adjustable bones? That's amazing. / Dad: Don't worry honey, I'm all over this. Johnny's doing fine. We even have a surprise when you come back from work tonight. / Dad: Look Steph, we've got our very own Conehead! Come on! You remember. "Consume mass quantities." Haha, I love Dan Akroyd.
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050622
Available In Any Walmart Jamie: You done. / Kristian: Almost, just need to pick up a 6-pack. I have some lawn work to take care of. / Kristian: Here we go... MexiCANS - $49.95. / Jamie: What a waste, just get the generic brand, Mexic-OHs for $39.95. They're the same thing. / Jamie: Fine, how about these discounted MexiCANS for $29.50? / Kristian: The irregulars? No way! Look, all their freshness seals have been broken.
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050624
It's the Lexus of Stalls Evan: Hey Nat. I'm not feeling that great. ... Something's happened... / Nat: What's wrong Ev?? / Evan: I don't know what to do. The handicap bathroom stall is out of order! / Nat: And what? / Evan: And when I asked the janitor when it'd be fixed, he told me, "I don't know son." I was all set. I even had my Charmin Ultra-Soft Double Roll ready. / Nat: Oh you fucking... God, you must be retarded. / <>
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050627
Mind Wanderings HI my name is Raphael, I'm going to work with you today. I love working. So do you know any famous celebrities? I do. I met Tim Robbins one time. Tim Robbins got the shit beat out of him one time I saw him during the film festival.... / [[Raphael is transformed into a TMNT]] / Raphael: Hello?? Are you even listening?
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050701
Kristian's a Douche Narrator: Kristian would rather hike like a jerkoff than do a comic.
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050704
 
More Like Gay Sex Flags Narrator: In many ways, Six Flags makes you look very homosexual. Subtle ways... Like when a girlfriend leaves the table, and tells you to watch her purse while you're sharing a funnel cake. / Narrator: Or when there's a shortage of pink floating tubes in the lazy river ride and you have to share. / Narrator: Or when you're riding the log flume ride uphill while it's vibrating, and because the log doesn't have separate seats, the person in front of you has to shit between your spread eagle legs, even when everything is slippery and wet from the ride before.
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050708
The Penguin Redemption Narrator: The first night's the toughest, no doubt about it. They march you in naked as the day you were born, and when they put you in that cell... and those bars slam home... that's when you know it's for real. A whole life blown away in the blink of an eye. Nothing left but all the time in the world to think about it. / Narrator: I wish I could tell you that Andy fought the good fight, and the Sisters let him be. I wish I could tell you that - but prison is no fairy-tale world. He never said who did it, we all knew. / Narrator: Andy crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of shit-smelling foulness I can't even imagine. Or maybe I just don't want to. Five hundred yard. The length of five football fields. Just shy of half a mile.
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050711
Evan Goes to the Mayor N/A
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050713
Brian Gets in on the Evan-Mayor Orgy N/A
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050715
One Cleveland Steamer AngelWeetle: hello / Mr. Picolinni: how's u / AngelWeetle: alright, you? / Mr. Picolinni: doing good, except I need a comic idea / AngelWeetle: hrmmm / Mr. Picolinni: yeah, see... it's hard / AngleWeetle: i dunno, write about girls or boobs or poop or something.
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050719
 
GTA SA Hot Coffee Mod (Fo' Realz This Time, Yo) GTA Screen: Use Mouse Wheel to sip coffee faster or slower. Press ENTER to gulp all the coffee. / <> / Black Guy: Damn! Now that's some motherfuckin' good coffee... this is like some Colombian Dark Roast shit. / Black Guy: WHOA... Ease up, ho! You wanna get smacked? Gonna' make me spill some of this shit all over your fine white ass. / Girl: Sorry baby. / Black Guy: Mmmm, yeah.
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050725
PETA and Mom Narrator: Family Moments / Kristian: Hey ma, what do you think of me staying in PA for another year instead of moving back to CT? / <> / Mom: QUE? NO! What, you crazy? Hijo porque?! I hate it. You are wasting you life there! Por Dios, start thinking about your future! / Narrator: Conclusion -- Drowning newborn kittens while their mother watched helplessly would have gone over better. / Mom: Do the gray one next.
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050727
Free to Walk Naked Around the Apt [[Kristian's silhouette can be seen in the kitchen doorway, turning off the light.]] / <> / [[Kristian turns off light in bedroom, showing stab marks on wall]] / <> / [[Kristian turns off light in bathroom with clogged toilet]] / <> / [[Kristian holds a shot of Jaeger]] / Kristian: The apt's not going to be the same without ya.
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050801
Office Hi-Jinks [[Dave's co-worker is pouring some coffee]] / [[Dave sneaks up behind co-worker]] / [[Dave shocks co-worker with defibrillator]] / <> / Dave: KIDNEY SHOCK! / Co-worker #2: You're such a prankster, Dave. / Dave: I love personal use defibrillator's.
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050803
A Female Interaction Girl: So, like, what nationality are you? / Kristian I'm Colombian. / Girl: Oh, really? Um... so what does that mean exactly? / Kristian: ...... What... does what mean? / Girl: Colombian. I mean I've heard that word before, but what does it mean? / Kristian: Oh... Jesus. / <> / <> / <> / <> / Kristian: Why are the hot ones always idiots? Sigh.
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050805
 
A Second Female Interaction Kristian: So.. Sue, we've been friends for a while... / Sue: Yeah... / Kristian: Do you ever see us being anything more? / Sue: Sorry Kris, but I don't think that's going to happen. You ok. / Kristian: Oh. I see. Yeah, I'll be fine. It's ok. / Narrator: The next day... / Kristian: Morning Sue. / Sue: Huh? I don't even want to talk to you right now. / Kristian: What did I do?? / Sue: You weren't nearly upset enough yesterday! / Kristian: Uhhh, I guess that makes perfect sense. / Sue: Look at this, you're smiling right now! You should be wallowing in self-pity! I can't believe you. / Kristian: I'm sorry?
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050810
One Nipple Goes a Long Way Mom: Hey honey, you want some chocolate milk before your first day of 5th grade? / Son: Sure mom! / Mom: You know the drill Tommy, first the chocolate... / Mom: And then the milk! Remember to mix them before you swallow.
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050817
Independent Comic Kristian: The spiders grow like Willow trees. / FIN
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050819
Suck Off, Part I Narrator: Nothing beats a good vacuum for picking up stray hairs in your bathroom... / Narrator: And off your body. / Kristian: Hehe, this feels pretty good. / <> / Kristian: Ahh... lots of suction, pretty wide tube. I wonder if this would work for... / <> / Kristian: OH, YES, IT WORKS! / <>
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050822
Suck Off, Part II Narrator: Thursday. / <> / <> / Dave: This is the sickest shit I've ever fucking seen. GODDAMNIT. You need to get cancerous AIDS right now, you fucking faggot. / Kristian: It's fine! Besides, you do much worse. Come on Travel Gnome, you need to eat your greens! / Narrator: Friday. / Dave: WHO WANTS TO SMELL A BLENDER FULL OF MY PISS?!
http://random-moments.com/adaily.php?date=050830
 

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