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| Number 241: Stryper Was Worse | [[Marten standing in front of the refrigerator]]
/ < http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=241 |
| Number 241: Stryper Was Worse | PANEL 1
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=241 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Coffee of Doom]]
/ Dora: Be right back, I gotta use the ladies' room.
/ Faye: You always take forever in there. Do you need more fiber in your diet? Eat a bran muffin or something.
/ Dora: No way, this is when I get my best reading done. / Faye: Hello, what can I get you today?
/ Ellen: Could I have a double chocolate mocha? / Faye: Are you sure? I used to be a size two until I had one. Now look at my belly.
/ Ellen: Hehehe, I just crave chocolate when I'm stressed. / Ellen: Hey, does a girl named Dora work here by any chance?
/ Faye: If by "work" you mean "stink up the bathroom with both gases and Anne Rice novels", then yes.
/ Dora (yelling from the bathroom): Hey, I heard that! No discussing my bodily functions with the customers! http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=242 |
| Number 242: They Need A Bookshelf In There | PANEL 1
/ Dora: Be right back, I gotta use the ladies' room.
/ Faye: You always take forever in there. Do you need more fiber in your diet? Eat a bran muffin or something.
/ Dora: No way, this is when I get my best reading done. / PANEL 2
/ Faye: Hello, what can I get you today?
/ Ellen: Could I have a double chocolate mocha? / PANEL 3
/ Faye: Are you sure? I used to be a size two until I had one. Now look at my belly.
/ Ellen: Hehehe, I just crave chocolate when I'm stressed. / PANEL 4
/ Ellen: Hey, does a girl named Dora work here by any chance?
/ Faye: If by "work" you mean "stink up the bathroom with both gases and Anne Rice novels," then yes.
/ Dora: Hey, I heard that! No discussing my bodily functions with the customers! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=242 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Dora: So what brings you here this morning, Ellen?
/ Ellen: I dunno, I guess I'm just looking for some advice. Last night didn't exactly end optimally.
/ Faye: "Optimally" being your hoo-ha making friends with Steve's wing-wong? / Ellen: No, not really. See, I didn't mention it at dinner but I'm almost 18 and the age difference seemed to freak Steve out a little. He said he wanted to see me again, but it was all awkward.
/ Faye: Aww, that is sad! No hoo-ha-in' or wing-wongin' at all last night? / Dora: Why not just get together anyway? I mean, who cares about a few years' age difference?
/ Ellen: Well that's how I feel, but I'm not sure that Steve agrees. I'm just not sure what to do.
/ Faye: Man, nobody got laid last night. I didn't even get it on with the shower massage while Marten was out of the apartment! / Faye: What? A lady has her needs!
/ Dora: I'm just wondering how many shifts you'd be willing to cover for me in exchange for me not telling Marten about what you do in the shower when he's not around.
/ Ellen: I should just date a shower massage. They don't care about age. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=243 |
| Number 243: Hit The Showers | PANEL 1
/ Dora: So what brings you here this morning, Ellen?
/ Ellen: I dunno, I guess I'm just looking for some advice. Last night didn't exactly end optimally.
/ Faye: "Optimally" being your hoo-ha making friends with Steve's wing-wong? / PANEL 2
/ Ellen: No, not really. See, I didn't mention it at dinner but I'm almost 18 and the age difference seemed to freak Steve out a little. He said he wanted to see me again, but it was all awkward.
/ Faye: Aww, that is sad! No hoo-ha-in' or wing-wongin' at all last night? / PANEL 3
/ Dora: Why not just get together anyway? I mean, who cares about a few years' age difference?
/ Ellen: Well that's how I feel, but I'm not sure that Steve agrees. I'm just not sure what to do.
/ Faye: Man, nobody got laid last night. I didn't even get it on with the shower massage while Marten was out of the apartment! / PANEL 4
/ Faye: What? A lady has her needs!
/ Dora: I'm just wondering how many shifts you'd be willing to cover for me in exchange for me not telling Marten about what you do in the shower when he's not around.
/ Ellen: I should just date a shower massage. They don't care about age. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=243 |
| Number 244: Mating Habits Of The Moray Eel | [[Dora and Ellen in the coffee shop, Ellen looking dejected]]
/ Dora: Look honey, I don't know what you're hoping to hear, but it doesn't seem like there's much you can do in this situation.
/ Ellen: I know, I know. It just sucks, that's all. / [[Faye and Ellen in the coffee shop]]
/ Faye: Maybe a little creative thinking will help you come up with a solution. You study eels at school, right? Think like one! What would a moray eel do in this situation?
/ Ellen: If I were an eel I'd just lunge at him from within my lair, seize him in my jaws and pull him back inside to be devoured whole. / [[Faye, Ellen, and Dora in the coffee shop]]
/ Dora: Devour him whole, huh? I was never much good at that, my gag reflex is too- / [[Faye, Ellen, and Dora in the coffee shop, Dora just having been punched by Faye]]
/ Dora: Ow! What was that for?!
/ Faye: That is not the sort of enlightenment I was aiming for with this parable.
/ Ellen: Also, have you seen their teeth? A boy-moray would never let a girl-moray's mouth anywhere near his private parts. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=244 |
| Number 244: Mating Habits of the Moray Eel | PANEL 1
/ Dora: Look honey, I don't know what you're hoping to hear, but it doesn't seem like there's much you can do in this situation.
/ Ellen: I know, I know. It just sucks, that's all. / PANEL 2
/ Faye: Maybe a little creative thinking will help you come up with a solution. You study eels at school, right? Think like one! What would a moray eel do in this situation?
/ Ellen: If I were an eel I'd just lunge at him from within my lair, seize him in my jaws and pull him back insides to be devoured whole. / PANEL 3
/ Dora: Devour him whole, huh? I was never much good at that, my gag reflex is too- / PANEL 4
/ Dora: Ow! What was that for?!
/ Faye: That is not the sort of enlightenment I was aiming for with this parable.
/ Ellen: Also, have you seen their teeth? A boy-moray would never let a girl-moray's mouth anywhere near his private parts. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=244 |
| Number 245: Eclipsed by their own Sound | Dora: So you're into Helmet, eh?
/ Ellen: Is that a band? I just borrowed this shirt from my roommate, I don't really know who that is. / Dora: You don't know who Helmet are? Oh man. They were this awesome metal band back in the nineties. They just put out their first new record in years.
/ Faye: I heard a song from it on the radio the other day. It sounded really... generic. / Dora: Helmet sound generic to you? What kind of crazy hipster-crack have you been smoking?
/ Fay: Well I'm sure they sounded awesome and unique ten years ago, but now it's like every band on the radio has the same distorted guitars and chugga-chugga rhythnms in their songs. They just don't stand out anymore. / Dora: Helmet have been gentrified. Good Lord do I ever feel old right now.
/ Faye: Page Hamilton should have to write "sorry for inspiring all these crappy nu-metal bands" one hundred times on a blackboard. He needs to learn his lesson!
/ Ellen: Oh, so he's to blame for Slipknot? Man, what a jerk. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=245 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Title: Eclipsed by Their Own Sound}} / [[Interior Coffee of Doom]] / Dora: So you're into Helmet, eh?
/ Ellen: Is that a band? I just borrowed this shirt from my roomate. I don't really know who that is. / Dora: You don't know who Helmet are? Oh man. They were this awesome metal band back in the nineties. They just put out their first new record in years.
/ Faye: I heard a song from it on the radio the other day. It sounded really . . . generic. / Dora: Helmet sounded generic to you? What kind of crazy hipster-crack have you been smoking?
/ Faye: Well I'm sure they sounded awesome and unique ten years ago, but now it's like every band on the radio has the same distorted guitars and chugga-chugga rhythms in their songs. They just don't stand out anymore. / Dora: Helmet have been gentrified. Good Lord do I ever feel old right now.
/ Faye: Page Hamilton should have to write 'sorry for inspiring all these crappy nu-metal bands' one hundred times on a blackboard. He needs to learn his lesson! [with evil grin]
/ Ellen: Oh, so he's to blame for Slipknot? Man, what a jerk. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=245 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Marten: I just don't think it's that big a deal, dude. If you like Ellen that much, just go out with her.
/ Pintsize: Gimme gimme! I want to do it myself.
/ Steve: Are you sure? It's not creepy that she's way younger than I am and stuff? / Marten: Look at it this way - you've got the potential for a relationship with this girl who you think is pretty rad, but there's this one little roadblock in the way. Why let it stop you.
/ Steve: Point taken. / Marten: I just feel like people would be much happier if they just dropped all the pretence and mindgame bullshit in relationships, and just went for it, you know? Like "Fuck it, I'm gonna try and make this work and not worry about potential problems."
/ Pintsize: Whee! I love this stuff. / Steve: So are you going to practice what you preach and stop pussyfooting around with Faye?
/ Marten: Hey, I'm 0 for 1 when it comes to practicing what I preach. These feet stay pussied for the time being.
/ Pintsize: These pipes are cleeeean! http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=246 |
| Number 246: Fripp and Eno | Panel 1
/ Marten: I just don't think it's that big a deal, dude. If you like Ellen that much, just go out with her.
/ Pintsize: Gimme gimme! I wanna do it myself!
/ Steve: Are you sure? It's not creepy that she's way younger than I am and stuff? / Panel 2
/ Marten: Look at it this way- you've got the potential for a relationship with this girl who you think is pretty rad, but there's this one little roadblock in the way. Why let it stop you?
/ Steve: Point taken. / Panel 3
/ Marten: I just feel like people would be so much happier if they just dropped all the pretense and mindgame bullshit in relationships and just went for it, you know? Like "fuck it, I'm gonna try and make this work and not worry about potential problems."
/ Pintsize: Whee! I love this stuff. / Panel 4
/ Steve: So are you going to practice what you're preaching and stop pussyfooting around with Faye?
/ Marten: Hey, I'm 0 for 1 when it comes to practicing what I preach. These feet stay pussied for the time being.
/ Pintsize: These pipes are cleeeean!
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=246 |
| Insults Cost Five Dollars | Dora: Now, repeat my advice back to me so we're sure you heard it correctly.
/ Ellen: I'm supposed to give Steve some space, let him come to terms with the situation, and take things slow from there.
/ Faye: Good girl! A mynah bird coudn't have done better. / Ellen: Okay, I'd better head off to class now. Thanks for the advice, Dora, and it was nice meeting you, Faye.
/ Faye: Nice meeting you, Ellen! / Dora: She's a nice kid, but kind of ditzy. I wasn't being too rough on her, was I?
/ Faye: No no, you were fine. She needed straight answers and firm advice, not wiggly half-truths and squishy suggestions. / Dora: Sometimes it's hard to tell if I'm doing the whole tough love love thing or just being mean.
/ Faye: Misanthropy is a perfectly acceptable personality trait in both goth and indie-rock culture. Why, I bet you could get people to pay you for sneering at them!
/ Dora: Well, I do run a coffee shop. That's basically what our customers are paying for anyway. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=247 |
| Number 247: Insults Cost Five Dollars | Panel 1
/ Dora: Now, repeat my advice back to me so we're sure you heard it correctly.
/ Ellen: I'm supposed to give Steve some space, let him come to terms with the situation, and take things slow from there.
/ Faye: Good girl! A mynah bird couldn't have done better. / Panel 2
/ Ellen: Okay, I'd better head off to class now. Thanks for the advice, Dora, and it was nice meeting you, Faye.
/ Faye: Nice meeting you, Ellen! / Panel 3
/ Dora: She's a nice kid, but kinda ditzy. I wasn't being too rough on her, was I?
/ Faye: No no, you were fine. She needed straight answers and firm advice, not wiggly half-truths and squishy suggestions. / Panel 4
/ Dora: Sometimes it's hard to tell if I'm doing the whole tough love thing or just being mean.
/ Faye: Misanthropy is a perfectly acceptable personality trait in both goth and indie-rock culture. Why, I bet you could get people to pay you for sneering at them!
/ Dora: Well I do run a coffee shop. That's basically what our customers are paying for anyway. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=247 |
| Hoodie Stench | Ugh, I thought I'd never get all that eel slime off those Rorschach blots. / Hey, you're wearing my Helmet shirt.
/ I am, Natasha, because i was the only non-stinky shirt left in the apartment. Why don't you just do the laundry like you keep saying you will? / The stink keeps boys away at shows. Except for the vegan dudes. they like their girls "all natural."
/ And by that you mean "malodorous and hairy"?
/ Heh, that reminds me I haven't shaved my legs in like a week. / I'm glad to hear your quest to become completely unattractive is going so well. All you need now is a good case of head lice. You'll be all set.
/ Being filthy is way hardcore. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=248 |
| Number 249: Like The Beatles Only More Violent | Panel 1
/ Natasha: So how was the date last night?
/ Ellen: It went well, until he found out that I"m like six years younger than him. / Panel 2
/ Natasha: Were his pants on or off at this point?
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=249 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: What a boring day. Barely any customers and no Marten around to pester.
/ Dora: Yeah, where is Marten anyways? Usually he's in here like clockwork. / Faye: Maybe he feels awkward around you now. Maybe you weirded him out last night.
/ Dora: What?! Why the hell would he be weirded out? / Faye: Settle down, bony-butt. I was only speculating.
/ Dora: Hmph. I didn't weird him out. That's a stupid thing to speculate about. / Faye: But now that I've planted the seed of doubt in you head, you won't be able to stop worrying about it, will you.
/ Dora: You evil bitch. What did I do to deserve this?
/ Faye: Remember that day when you played nothing but techno remixes of old Joy Division songs for eight hours? Now we're even. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=250 |
| Number 250: I'd Have Stabbed Her | Panel 1
/ Faye: What a boring day. Barely any customers and no Marten around to pester.
/ Dora: Yeah, where is Marten anyway? Usually he's in here like clockwork.
/ [[Chalkboard: TODAY'S SPECIALS
/ Triple chocolate mocha
/ Triple mocha chocolate
/ spam, spam, spam, mocha, and spam
/ we stab you so you can call in sick / Please do not poke the barristas]] / Panel 2
/ Faye: Maybe he fells awkward around you now. Maybe you weirded him out last night.
/ Dora: What?! Why the hell would he be weirded out? / Panel 3
/ Faye: Settle down, bony-butt. I was only speculating.
/ Dora: Hmph. I didn't weird him out. That's a stupid thing to speculate about. / Panel 4
/ Faye: But now that I've planted the seed of doubt in your head, you won't be able to stop worryng about it, will you.
/ Dora: You evil little bitch. What did I do to deserve this?
/ Faye: Remember that day when you played nothing but techno remixes of old Joy Division songs for eight hours? Now we're even. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=250 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: Ah, there you are. We were wondering where you'd been all day.
/ Marten: Hey Faye. I hung out with Steve for a while and then went CD shopping. / Dora: Thank God someone else is here to occupy this two-year-old. She's been pestering me all afternoon.
/ Faye: Not "pestering" so much as "playing off your insecurities and tendency to worry." / Dora: Oh Marten, she's been mean like that all day. You don't think that's okay, do you? {{Dora strokes Marten's chest}}
/ Marten: I uh...no, Faye you should be nicer to Dora...buh....
/ Faye: Hey, what're you doing to him? Stop that! / Marten: Cute, pouty girl... in close proximity... brain...melted... bluh....
/ Faye: Using your feminine wiles to get him on your side, eh? Touche, touche.
/ Dora: Damn straight. Now go get a bucket, he's going to be drooling for the next hour or so. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=251 |
| Number 251: Hypno-Girl | PANEL 1
/ Faye: Ah, there you are. We were wondering where you'd been all day.
/ Marten: Hey Faye. I hung out with Steve for a while and then went CD shopping. / PANEL 2
/ Dora: Thank god someone else is here to occupy this two-year-old. She's been pestering me all afternoon.
/ Faye: Not "pestering" so much as "playing off your insecurities and tendency to worry." / PANEL 3
/ Dora: Oh Marten, she's been mean like that all day. You don't think that's okay, do you?
/ Marten: I uh... no, Faye you should be nicer to Dora... buh....
/ Faye: Hey, what're you doing to him? Stop that! / PANEL 4
/ Marten: Cute, pouty girl... in close proximity... brain... melted... bluh....
/ Faye: Using your feminine wiles to get him on your side, eh? Touche, touche.
/ Dora: Damn straight. Now go get a bucket, he's going to be drooling for the next hour or so. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=251 |
| Questionable Content | {{Number 252: I Guess They're Not Very Good}}
/ [[interior Coffee of Doom]]
/ [[On the chalkboard: TODAY'S SPECIALS * Triple chocolate mocha * Triple mocha chocolate * Spam, spam, spam, mocha, and spam * we stab you so you can call in sick Please do not poke the barristas]]
/ [[Dora is behind the counter. Marten and Faye are at a table. Vicky is ordering.]]
/ Marten: So the guy at the register is all "Slint? Who are they?" and I'm like "you don't know who Slint are?!"
/ Faye: Oh man, did the manager fire him right there on the spot? That sort of ignorance warrants unemployment! / [[Vicky sips her coffee]]
/ Marten: So then I.... holy shit, what the hell is *she* doing here?!
/ Faye: Hm? / [[pan to Marten and Faye's table]]
/ Marten: That's my ex. The one who dumped me when I moved out here, remember?
/ Faye: /Ohhh./ Are you going to go over and say hello?
/ Marten: Oh /hell/ no. Maybe if I keep my back turned she'll leave without noticing me. / [[Dora enters panel]]
/ Dora: What's going on over here? I hear agitated Marten-noises.
/ Marten: You know that girl you just served? She's /the devil/.
/ Dora: What, because she ordered a latte?
/ Faye: She'd have to be, to enjoy /your/ lattes. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=252 |
| Questionable Content | {{Number 253: The Old Guys From The Muppets}}
/ [[interior Coffee of Doom]]
/ Dora: Why are you so freaked out by your ex being here?
/ Marten: I dunno, it's a long story. Lots of painful memories, that sort of thing.
/ Faye: You only ever told me the truncated version. I want the details! / [[inset flashback panel showing younger Marten and Vicky walking with arms around each other]]
/ Marten: Well okay, I'll try to keep it short. Vicky and I met during my last semester in college. A friend introduced us and it was like bam, all of a sudden we were retarded for each other. Those first two months were awesome. / Marten: As graduation got closer, Vicky started talking about how she wanted to move back here when school ended. We-
/ Dora: Wait, where did the two of you go to school?
/ Marten: The other side of the country, in California. That's where I'm originally from. / Faye: Wait, you're a California boy? Do you miss your surfboard? Or your irritatingly nonchalant, flaky attitude?
/ Dora: Does going into a Pacific Sunwear fill you with nostalgia? Ooh ooh, say "nah brah" for me! Please, just once?
/ Marten: I swear, it's like I'm telling my life story to Statler and Waldorf. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=253 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Number 253: The Old Guys From The Muppets}} / [[In Coffee of Doom]]
/ Dora: Why are you so freaked out by your ex being here?
/ Marten: I dunno, it's a long story. Lots of painful memories, that sort of thing.
/ Faye: You only ever told me the truncated version. I want the details! / [[Flashback vision of Marten and Vicky as a happy couple appears.]]
/ Marten: Well okay, I'll try to keep it short. Vicky and I met during my last semester in college. A friend introduced us and it was like bam, all of a sudden we were retarded for each other. Those first two months were awesome. / Marten: As graduation got closer, Vicky started talking about how she wanted to move back here when school ended. We-
/ Dora: Wait, where did the two of you go to school?
/ Marten: The other side of the country, in California. That's where I'm originally from. / Faye: Wait, you're a California boy? Do you miss your surfboard? Or your irritatingly nonchalant, flaky attitude?
/ Dora: Does going into a Pacific Sunwear fill you with nostalgia? Ooh ooh, say "nah brah" for me! Please, just once?
/ Marten: I swear, it's like I'm telling my life story to Statler and Waldorf. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=253# |
| Questionable Content | {{Number 254: ACRONYM}}
/ [[interior Coffee of Doom]]
/ [[On the chalkboard: TODAY'S SPECIALS * Triple chocolate mocha * Triple mocha chocolate * Spam, spam, spam, mocha, and spam * we stab you so you can call in sick Please do not poke the barristas]]
/ [[Marten and Faye are at a table. Dora is behind the counter nearby.]]
/ Marten: Are you two done giggling?
/ Dora: Snrk...yeah, we're done.
/ Faye: Hee hee! / Marten: Anyway...So Vicky keeps talking about moving back up here after school. And I'm all "so I guess we'll do the long-distance thing for a while then, huh?" And she's quiet for a couple minutes, and then goes "yeah...I guess..." and sort of looks away.
/ Dora: Ooh, bad sign. / Marten: Yeah, I mean I knew something wasn't right at the time, too. But I couldn't really put my finger on what exactly was amiss, so I just chalked it up to HRP and tried not to worry.
/ Faye: HRP? What's that?
/ Marten: "Happy Relationship Paranoia". It's when you're in a great relationship but can't stop worrying that you'll fuck it up or that it's gonna end somehow. / Faye: Psht, that's not bad, everyone gets that at some point. Here I was worried it stood for "Hateful, Rampaging Parents" or "Hormonal Regulation Problems" or something.
/ Dora: "Herpes Results: Positive!" Oh noes!
/ Marten: Oh man don't even joke about herpes. The first time Vicky and I got naked, she had a pimple near her lady-parts from shaving and I literally catapulted out of the bed in terror. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=254 |
| Questionable Content Number 255: Brainstorming | {{Number 255: Brainstorming}}
/ [[interior Coffee of Doom]]
/ [[inset flashback panel, Marten and Vicky moving stuff and looking sad]]
/ Marten: So anyway, things just got worse and worse. We spent as much time together moping as anything else. I think the day we actually started packing up her stuff was the hardest. / Faye: If it was so depressing for both of you, why did she leave? Why not just stay in California with you?
/ Marten: She said she needed to be closer to her friends and family and stuff. It seemed like a big deal to her so I didn't really question it. / [[On the chalkboard: TODAY'S SPECIALS * Triple chocolate mocha * Triple mocha chocolate * Spam, spam, spam, mocha, and spam * we stab you so you can call in sick Please do not poke the barristas]]
/ Marten: I kept mentioning that we could just try the long-distance thing for a while, but she eventually broke down and said she didn't think it would work, the distance was just too much for her to handle.
/ Dora: Oh no! So is that when you hatched your plan to move up here with her? / Marten: No, that was when I developed a taste for hard liquor. The plan to move up here was hatched later, during a brainstorming session involving myself and a bottle of scotch.
/ Faye: Life-altering decisions should never be made when drunk, dummy.
/ Dora: [[covering breasts with hands]] Oh, tell me about it. Those damn nipple piercings took a week to heal back up. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=255 |
| Questionable Content | {{Number 256: Sad Guitar}}
/ [[interior Coffee of Doom]]
/ Dora: So what did Vicky think of you moving up here with her?
/ Marten: She was a little uncomfortable with it, I think. She felt like she was forcing me to give up my life or something just to be with her. Which wasn't really the case- I mean other than my parents I didn't really have much tying me to California. / Marten: My /parents/ freaked out, of course. They didn't want me moving across the country just for some girl I'd been dating for a couple months.
/ Faye: Silly parents and their "but you /can't/ move hundreds and hundreds of miles away!" protestations. / [[inset flashback panel, college Marten pawning guitar]]
/ Marten: So anyway, I sold most of my stuff to pay for the plane tickets, and hit up a classmate of mine for some temporary lodging while I looked for a job and a place of my own.
/ Guitar: :( / Dora: Why didn't you just move in with Vicky? Wouldn't that have been simpler?
/ Marten: She was living with her parents, who weren't too keen on letting some dude from California sleep on their couch and bang their daughter while they were at work.
/ Faye: Wait, you mean David Lee Roth? What has he got to do with this? http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=256 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Number 256: Sad Guitar}} / [[In Coffee of Doom]]
/ Dora: So what did Vicky think of you moving up here with her?
/ Marten: She was a little uncomfortable with it, I think. She felt like she was forcing me to give up my life or something just to be with her. Which wasn't really the case- I mean other than my parents I didn't really have much tying me to California. / Marten: My parents freaked out, of course. They didn't want me moving across the country just for some girl I'd been dating for a couple months.
/ Faye: Silly parents and their "but you can't move hundreds and hundreds of miles away!" protestations. / [[Vision appears of Marten in a pawn shop holding his guitar. Guitar: sad]]
/ Marten: So anyway, I sold most of my stuff to pay for the plane tickets, and hit up a classmate of mine for some temporary lodging while I looked for a job and a place of my own. / Dora: Why didn't you just move in with Vicky? Wouldn't that have been simpler?
/ Marten: She was living with her parents, who weren't too keen on letting some dude from California sleep on their counch and bang their daughter while they were at work.
/ Faye: Wait, you mean David Lee Roth? What has he got to do with this?
/ Marten: So anyway http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=256# |
| Questionable Content | {{Number 257: A Brief Chat}}
/ [[interior Coffee of Doom]]
/ Faye: How did things go once you were all set up out here?
/ Marten: Well, things started off good. Gradually, though, she started having less and less time to spend with me. She didn't call anymore. If I wanted to see her I basically had to track her down and triple-check to make sure we had a date set to hang out. / Dora: Man, that's not cool at all.
/ Marten: Yeah, it really threw me for a lopp, you know?
/ I tried asking her what was up but she kept shrugging it off. She just had so much work to do, or was too tired, or something. / Marten: I'll never forget the night she finally told me. I had left her like six messages that week, and she eventually called me back and said "I can't do this anymore. I've moved on, Marten. Please don't call me again." Then she hung up.
/ Marten: That was the last time I ever spoke to her. / Marten: Uh, Faye? Where are you going?
/ Faye: [[stalking across room, fist clenched]] Oh, just to have a short chat with your ex-lady-friend over there.
/ Dora: Remember the rules, Faye. No murdering customers in the store. The back alley exists for a reason. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=257 |
| Questionable Content | {{Number 258: It Does A Body Good}}
/ [[interior Coffee of Doom]]
/ [[Poster: zombie monkey wants your coffee]]
/ [[Vicky sits at a table, drinking coffee. Faye stands by the table, hands behind her back.]]
/ Faye: Hi there!
/ Vicky: Um, hi. / Faye: Enjoying your latte?
/ Vicky: Uh yeah, it's really good. / Faye: Are you sure? Because it looks to me... / Faye: [[throwing milk in Vicky's face]] *...like it needs some more MILK!*
/ Milk: < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=258 |
| Number 259: Another Kind Of Ninja | Panel 1
/ Faye: Oh man that felt good. Did you see her run out? Hah!
/ Dora: Normally that would be grounds for your firing, but in this case I think your actions were justifiable. / Panel 2
/ Faye: Oh no, I just realized... Marten, were you planning to confront her? Did I just deny you closure?
/ Marten: No no, it's fine. I don't really need any closure or whatever. / Panel 3
/ Marten: When you get down to it, was it really even that big a deal? A girl I was dating decided she didn't want to see me anymore for some reason. That happens to people all the time, you know?
/ Marten: The point is, I tried my best. I took a big stupid risk because I was in love with her and it didn't work out, but I'll always be able to look back and say "at least I tried." That's really all the closure I need. / Panel 4
/ Marten: And I have to admit, seeing her get hit in the face with a gallon of milk was pretty goddamned gratifying.
/ Dora: That was a sixty-dollar sweater, too. Good going, Faye.
/ Faye: I am a milk ninja! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=259 |
| Number 260: Friends With Benefits | PANEL 1
/ Natasha: Can I help you?
/ Steve: Uh, yeah. Is Ellen here? / PANEL 2
/ Natasha: Yeah, she's back in her room. Are you Steve?
/ Steve: Yep, that's me. You must be Natasha. / PANEL 3
/ Natasha: What? No, I'm Ellen's lover Rachel. Didn't she tell you about our open relationship policy? / PANEL 4
/ Steve: Okay I'm pretty sure you're just messing with me, but on the off chance that you're not, can I watch you two make out?
/ Natasha: Boy, Ellen sure does know how to pick her guys, doesn't she. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=260 |
| Number 261: Hard Sci-Fi of Love | PANEL 1
/ Ellen: Yes? / PANEL 2
/ Ellen: Steve!
/ Steve: Hey Ellen.
/ Ellen: What are you doing here? / PANEL 3
/ Steve: Well, I wanted to stop by and apologize for being all wierded out last night. I gave it some thought today and I don't see why you being younger is really a problem at- / PANEL 4
/ Steve: Hurrk....can't....breathe...
/ Ellen: Heeee!
/ Natasha: You, uh, might wanna loosen up your grip there honey. It'll be hard to make out with him if his head pops off. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=261 |
| Comic 262: Slightly Above Average | PANEL 1
/ Ellen: Whoo...okay, we'd better not get carried away with ourselves just yet.
/ Steve: Heh yeah, you're probably right. / PANEL 2
/ Ellen: Besides, I've never really... gone all the way, you know?
/ Steve: What? You're a virgin?
/ Ellen: Well I haven't really dated that many boys, so it never quite went that far. / PANEL 3
/ Steve: Just how inexperienced are you? I mean, you know how the different parts fit together, right?
/ Ellen: I'm not that naive! I've seen porn, I know how it works. / PANEL 4
/ Steve: So the only males you have to compare with me in terms of size are porn actors. Great.
/ Ellen: Oh, it's unusual for boys to be that...large? Phew! Those ladies looked like they were in pain! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=262 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Ellen: Whoo... okay, we'd better not get carried away with ourselves just yet.
/ Steve: Heh yeah, you're probably right. / Ellen: Besides, I've never really... gone all the way, you know?
/ Steve: What? You're a virgin?
/ Ellen: Well I haven't really dated that many boys, so it never quite went that far. / Steve: Just how inexperienced are you? I mean, you know how the different parts fit together, right?
/ Ellen: I'm not that naive! I've seen porn, I know how it works. / Steve: So the only males you have to compare with me in terms of size are porn actors. Great.
/ Ellen: Oh, it's unusual for boys to be that... large? Phew! Those ladies looked like they were in pain! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=262# |
| Number 263: Pioneered By The Spaniards | PANEL 1
/ Steve: ...No, see in the real world it's considered somewhat unusual for a girl to do a double-penetration scene with her boyfriend and some other dude.
/ Ellen: Ohhhh. I knew that scene seemed scripted! / PANEL 2
/ Natasha: Hey kids. I take it you've resolved your little age difference issues?
/ Ellen: Resolved with make-outs! / PANEL 3
/ Natasha: That's all you did with each other, right?
/ Ellen: Umm, yes...
/ Natasha: Good.
/ Ellen: Good?
/ Natasha: If he's willing to wait for sex, he's probably not just looking to make you another conquest of his. / PANEL 4
/ Steve: "Another conquest"? What am I gonna do, plant a flag on her ass and claim it in the name of my wang?
/ Natasha: Guys do seem to have an odd fascination with conquering ladies' asses, don't they?
/ Ellen: Conquista-porn! Hee! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=263 |
| Number 264: Cows Of Doom | PANEL 1
/ Dora: Well, my shift's up for the day. Try not to burn down the place while I'm gone, Faye.
/ Faye: Ha ha, smartypants. Try not to have any more identity crises on your way home. / PANEL 2
/ Faye: So, wanna keep a poor, defenseless girl company while she drudges out the rest of her shift?
/ Martin: Well I'd hardly call you defenseless, but sure. / PANEL 3
/ Martin: So why did you flip out on Vicky, anyway?
/ Faye: She hurt a friend of mine, and I decided to bestow the comeuppance she rightly deserved. She's lucky I didn't steam the milk before I threw it at her. / PANEL 4
/ Martin: Oh, so you're my avenger now? Does this mean you'll track down the jocks who picked on me in high school and assault them with dairy products as well?
/ Faye: A wheel of cheddar to the skull, a slab of gouda to the groin. Truly, it is the deadliest of the food groups. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=264 |
| Cows Of Doom | Dora: Well, my shift's up for the day. Try not to burn down the place while I'm gone, Faye.
/ Faye: Ha ha, smartypants. Try not to have an more identity crises on your way home. / Faye: So, wanna keep a poor defenseless girl company while she drudges out the rest of her shift?
/ Marten: Well I'd hardly call you defenseless, but sure. / Marten: So why did you flip out on Vicky, anyway?
/ Faye: Shehurt a friend of mine, and I decided to bestow the comeuppance she rightly deserved. She's lucky I didn't steam the milk before I threw it at her. / Marten: Oh, so you're my avenger now? Does this mean you'll track down the jocks who picked on me in high school and assault them with dairy products as well?
/ Faye: A wheel of cheddar to the skull, a slab of gouda to the groin. Truly, it is the deadliest of the food groups. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=264# |
| Questionable Content - Number 265: There Is Never Enough Banjo | {{Number 265: There Is Never Enough Banjo}}
/ [[interior Coffee of Doom]]
/ [[Faye is behind the counter, Marten in front of it]]
/ Faye: So what do you think the next big indie band to break up will be?
/ Marten: An indie-rock band death pool, eh? Morbid, yet entertaining. / [[Faye hands Marten coffee]]
/ Marten: Hmm. I could see Wilco breaking up sometime soon...
/ Faye: No no, they won't break up. Jeff Tweedy will just pass out in a gutter somewhere and it'll take them a couple months to find him. / Marten: [[sipping coffee]] Actually, I bet it'll be the Arcade Fire. They seem so intense about their music that they might just collapse under the pressure of all their success.
/ Faye: [[making hand gestures]] Win Butler's head explodes during a performance of "Wake Up", forcing them to replace him with a Homestar Runner puppet. / Faye: I hope Iron & Wine doesn't break up.
/ Marten: Isn't that basically just one guy? How could Sam Beam break up with himself?
/ Faye: He could have a falling-out with his beard, or get into a vicious argument with his guitar over how much banjo to put on the next album. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=265 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Man, my vision has been awful lately. I think I need a stronger prescription for my glasses.
/ Well, why don't you go get another pair tomorrow? / You don't mind? I mean, you bought these for me. I feel bad...
/ It's no big deal. If you need new glasses, you need new glasses. / You're an almost eerily understanding boy sometimes, Marten.
/ Jesus, you need a stronger prescription than this? I can barely make out basic shapes! / Hee hee! EmoMarten! All you need now is a tight sweater and a case of depression to complete you ensemble.
/ I would be depressed if I needed this kind of vision correction. Was one of your parents a mole rat or something? http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=266 |
| Number 267: Delicious Documentation | Panel 1
/ Marten: Hey Pintsize, we're home.
/ Pintsize: That's good, because I feel kinda weird. / Panel 2
/ Faye: What's the matter?
/ Pintsize: Well I was just poking around online this afternoon when all of a sudden I asdf hglkjgl HHHLHFFF / Panel 3
/ Pintsize: WARNING: VIRUS DETECTED IN OPERATING SYSTEM. SWITCHING TO SAFE MODE. PLEASE CONSULT USER MANUAL FOR REPAIR INSTRUCTIONS. / Panel 4
/ Faye: Well that sure isn't good.
/ Marten: No, it's not. Especially since he ate his own user manual a couple months ago. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=267 |
| Questionable Content: Number 268: Unsafe Suggestions | Faye: Well?
/ Marten: According to tech support, all I need to do is reboot him and run a safetly diagnostic and that should take care of the virus. / Faye: Well that's good news!
/ Marten: Yeah, but they said there's a chance the virus wiped his memory banks before safe mode kicked in. / Faye: Don't you have a backup on your other computer?
/ Marten: I deleted it when he got his new chasis. When we turn him back on, he might not remember me, or you, or anything htat's happened to him since I first botted him up.
/ Marten: It's like being told your best friend is in a coma and they don't know if he has any brain damage. I'm really worried about the little guy. / Faye: Oh Marten, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?
/ Marten: I'd jokingly suggest making out, but I'm honestly not in the mood.
/ Faye: That's good, because I'd hate to beat you senseless when you're already so unhappy. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=268 |
| Number 269: Recalibration | Panel 1
/ Faye: Ready?
/ Marten: Yeah, here goes nothing...
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=269 |
| Number 270: Cheap Humor | PANEL 1
/ Marten: Now tell me, what have you learned from your little ordeal last night?
/ Pintsize: I learned that it is never a good idea to download SNES ROMs off of shady websites.
/ Faye: Final Fantasy 2 is not worth a case of robot ebola. / PANEL 2
/ Pintsize: It makes me wonder, though. If I had lost all my memory, would I still be the same Pintsize, or would I be a different person?
/ Marten: Well, that's a pretty classic question. Are we defined by our experiences, or by our moment-to-moment existence? / PANEL 3
/ Faye: We're defined by our past. That's what we use to filter and interpret our current existence.
/ Marten: But it's a two way street. We constantly re-evaluate our view of the past based on our current experiences as well. I think you'd still be Pintsize, you'd just be experiencing your past second-hand since you couldn't remember it yourself anymore. / PANEL 4
/ Faye: Excuse me, boys. This metaphysical talk is fun and all, but I need to go re-evaluate my view of the bathroom based on my current experience of this cup of coffee.
/ Marten: Centuries of philosophical debate reduced to a toilet joke. Nice.
/ Pintsize: When talking about the human experience, it all comes back to poopin' eventually. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=270 |
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