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Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday [[Faye and Dora, at Coffee of Doom]] / Faye: Hey. / Dora: Hey Faye. You're here early. / Faye: Look, about yesterday, I- / Dora: No, no. I overreacted, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have blown up on you like that. / Faye: I'M sorry, I should've known better than to- / Dora: It's none of my business what you two do together. You're both adults. Just...from now on, don't tell me about it. / Faye: But I'm not- / Dora: No really, I don't want to know! / Raven: What are you guys talking about? / Faye: I...uh, went to the petting zoo with Marten. / Dora: And, uh, I was jealous 'cause I wanted to go but had to work. / Raven: That's IT? Jeez, you guys made it sound like it was some huge dramatic thing.
Number 1113: Great To Be Alive Sven: Hey kiddo, what's up? / Faye: I told them. / Sven: What? Oh Christ, Dora's gonna kill- / Faye: No, she's not. I explained how it wasn't your doing. She was really mad, but she's not gonna kill you. / Sven: And Marten? He wanna kick my ass now? / Faye: No, I think he's okay with it. Although it's hard to tell with him, he tries to put a happy face on everything. / [[Sven embraces Faye from behind]] / Sven: Well shit, everything's fine then! I know just how we can celebrate. / Faye: I think I might kill you.
Number 1114: Outfoxed Sven: Seriously, if they're not all freakin' out, why can't we have a little fun? / Faye: I really don't think it'd be a good idea. Besides, I gotta be back at work in like twenty minutes. / Sven: That's plenty of time. / Faye: Look, Sven, what happened was fun, it really was, but it was a one-time thing. I think we should just leave it at that, okay? / Faye: Besides, isn't this how you like your hookups? Short and sweet, love 'em and leave 'em? / Sven: Yeah, right. . . / Sven: Dammit, that's MY job!
Number 1115: Mixed Metaphor [[Coffee of Doom]] / Faye: I'm back. / Dora: How was lunch? / Faye: I didn't have time to eat. I had to run some errands. / Dora: Errands. Right. / Faye: Dora, can we please not dance around the issue? I was over at Sven's- / Dora: I told you I don't want to- / Faye: -TELLING HIM it was only a one-time thing, okay? You don't have to WORRY about it anymore, 'cause it's not gonna happen again. / Raven: What's not gonna happen again? / Faye: Me hooking up with Sven. / Raven: Wait, what? YOU had sex with SVEN? / Raven: Psh. Nice try, guys. I might not be the sharpest bulb in the box but I'm not THAT gullible.
Number 1116: The Motherlode Raven: I can't believe you really slept with Sven! You told me you wouldn't! / Faye: I didn't mean to, honestly! / Raven: Dooooraaaa, you said your brother was off-limits to employees! Faye broke the rules! / Dora: Faye, um...Faye's a special exception. / Raven: A special exception? / Dora: Yeah. She hadn't been laid in like a million years. YOU, on the other hand, get it on all the time. / Raven: Oh. I didn't think of it like that. / [[Raven hands Faye a little book]] / Raven: I'm sorry, Faye. Should've realized you were getting desperate. / Faye: Hey, I wasn't getting- / Raven: It's okay, it's okay! We've all been there. I want you to have this.l / Faye: What is it? / Raven: My little black book. Next time you're feeling lonely, just pick a boy. / [[Faye is looking through the book, Raven is blinking]] / Faye: Jesus, is the whole thing single-spaced? And what do the stars by some numbers mean? / Raven: You'll find out.
 
Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday Number 1117: Did I Just Invoke Rule 34? / [[Marten talking to Tai in the library. Tai pauses in stamping a girl's book withdrawal.]] / Marten: ...So then DORA freaks out, and then WE get into a big fight about it. / Tai: Wait, why should Dora freak out? I mean, yeah, your friend sleeping with your brother is a LITTLE weird, but it's not that big a deal. / Marten: It's just this weird sibling rivalry thing she has with Sven. / Tai: Sibling rivalry, eh? Maybe she's just jealous 'cause SHE wants to hook up with Faye! / [[Marten stiffens, staring off into blank space, eyes wide.]] / Tai: I was- I was joking. I didn't seriously mean it. / Marten: I know. It's just, the mental image... / Tai: Oh. Yeah. / [[Marten tilts his head, staring at the ceiling. Tai watches him for a while.]] / [[The girl still trying to withdraw her book watches both Tai and Marten stare at the ceiling blankly.]]
Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday [[Dora and Faye are moving a shelving unit]] / Faye: ...I'm, ermf, sorry Dora, I didn't realize how much your brother's, uh, "popularity" bugged you. / Dora: It's not your, unf, fault. I'm a big girl, I should be able to let it go. / [[Dora and Faye have put the shelving unit down on a counter.]] / Faye: Well, I promise not to seduce any more of your family members. Unless you have a really hot cousin. / Dora: Heh. My only male cousin is eight years old, so it's a little early to say. / [[Faye and Dora are shaking hands.]] / Faye: Friends? / Dora: Friends. / [[Dora is sitting on the counter.]] / Faye: So what are we puttin' on this thing, anyway? / Dora: The skulls of our enemies. / Faye: Hooray, beheadings!
Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday [[Hannelore and Marten, at the Smif Library]] / Hannelore: Marten! Marten! I don't know what to do! You've gotta help me! / Marten: Calm down, calm down. What's wrong? / Hannelore: I threw up this morning! / Marten: I- I'm sorry? / Hannelore: No, you don't understand! MORNING SICKNESS! I think I'm PREGNANT! / Marten: Hannelore, you have to have sex with somebody before you can get pregnant. / Hannelore: Not necessarily! What if someone snuck into my room one night and inseminated me? / Marten: Why on earth would anyone do that? / Hannelore: Why WOULDN'T they? Clone babies! Black-market organs! Secret genetially-engineered [sic] supersoldiers! The Kwisatz Haderach! / Marten: I don't even know where to begin. / Tai: I have some tranquilizers in my room. / Hannelore: No! They'll hurt my psychic clone-baby!
Number 1120: Unsurprising [[Library. Sign on the wall says "Please Respect Your Fellow Students And Shut The Hell Up!]] / Marten: If you're that worried, why don't you just take a pregnancy test to be sure? / Hannelore: I can't! / Marten: Why not? / Hannelore: It's...I... / Tai: Hang on, hang on. I think I understand. / Tai: You're afraid, right? I was really scared the first time I got an STD test, 'cause even though I was sure I didn't have anything, you never REALLY know until you get the results back. / Hannelore: N-no, that's not why. / Tai: Why not, then? / Hannelore: You have to PEE on a STICK!
Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday {{title: Number1121: The Grand Return}} / [[Raven, Faye and Dora are in Coffee of Doom, serving coffee to the customers]] / Raven: I bet it felt good to finally get laid, huh? / Dora: Heh, yeah. Dust out the cobwebs, so to speak. / Faye: There were no cobwebs in my lady-parts to begin with! / [[Faye accepts money from a purple-haired lady with a hat]] / Faye: Still...yeah. I can't believe I actually got all intimate with a boy and didn't have another nervous breakdown. / Dora: The crazy-chemicals in your brain were offset by all the endorphins. / Faye: Yeah, and now if I see a cute boy, I can actually DO something about it. / [[Dora is handing purple-haired lady her coffee]] / Dora: Two weeks later, Faye's fucked every straight male in town and is moving on to the transsexuals. / Purple-haired lady: Thanks. / Faye: I'm not gonna turn into a HARLOT, you ass. It's just nice to know that sex isn't completely out of the question anymore. / [[Angus McPhee aka Argument Guy appears on the scene]] / Angus McPhee: One coffee please. / Faye: ANGUS MCPHEE. WHY am I NOT SURPRISED to see YOU all of a sudden. / Angus McPhee: ...Because I've been in line for the last five minutes?
 
Number 1122: Some Coffee [[Coffee of Doom, Faye is behind the teller, serving Angus. Specials: -Cup o'Peas -Cup o'bees -Cup o' pee]] / Angus: So, uh, can I have my coffee? / Faye: Dude, I know you don't even drink itl Why bother? / Angus: I have to buy something to justify coming in here. / Faye: We've got other stuff, you know. lattes, mochas, Dora's special wasabi americano... / [[Sticker on the teller: Meat is murder but animals are assholes]] / Angus: What's the best drink for someone who doesn't really like coffee? / Faye: Chocolate milk. / Angus: Har har. Seriously, I'm trying to broaden my horizons here. / Faye: Fine, I'll make you a mocha. That's basically espresso with training wheels on. / Faye: Here. Try that, ya pansy. / [[Silent panel, Angus is drinking. Rainbow of colors in the background]] / [[Dora's shirt: It is never a good day]] / Angus: This...is the most wonderful beverage I have ever tasted. You've completely changed my life. To think...to think I'd gone all this time without experiencing such ecstasy! / Faye: Y-you're kidding, right? / Dora: Just keep him away from the baked goods.
Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday Angus: Seriously, this is so good! What IS it? / Faye: You're so weird. It's just espresso, steamed milk, and chocolate syrup. / Angus: Wait, did you just say steamed milk? You didn't use soy? / Faye: No, you didn't ask me to. / Angus: Oh God. / Faye: What, are you lactose intolerant? / Angus: Very. / <> / Faye: Augh! That's it, I'm walling you in there. / <> / Angus: For the love of God, Montressor! / <>
Number 1124: Chitter Chitter [[Coffee of Doom. Angus is getting out of the bathroom]] / Faye: You okay? / Angus: I think I can make it home now. / [[Angus going out the door]] / Faye: Sorry about the milk. / Angus: Sorry about the gastrointestinal horror. / Dora: Poor guy. / Faye: Yeah, and for once he wasn't being a complete twit. / Dora: Faye and Angus, sitting in a tree... / Faye: I push him out of the tree and drop a beehive on him. Later, I befriend the squirrels.
Number 1125: The Opiate Of The Masses [[Hannelore is coming out the door, holding a pregnancy test]] / Marten: Well? / Hannelore: It's negative! / Marten: See? I told you you weren't pregnant. / Hannelore: Yeah, I was being silly. / Hannelore: Still, maybe I should go take another one. Just to be safe. / Marten: You're fine, Hannelore. / Hannelore: Are you sure? / Marten: Dude it would take nothing short of an immaculate conception to get you knocked up. / Hannelore: There's nothing immaculate about conception. Have you ever SEEN mitosis?
Apply Yourself! Marten: ...So she's spending the rest of the day drinking water and striving for statistical rigor. / Dora: Poor thing. / Faye: Pff. What's she got to worry about? Not like she's even gettin' it on with anybody. / Dora: Oh god. PLEASE tell me you used protection with Sven. / Faye: Of course I did, I'm not an IDIOT. / Marten: I'm having a hard time imagining you as a mother, Faye. / Faye: Yeah, I'd eat my young, hamster-style. / Marten: Now I'm imaging Sven as a father. What a nightmare that'd be. / Faye: I dunno, I think he'd be an okay dad. He's good at anything he puts his mind to. / Faye: I didn't mean THAT, you ASSES. / {{title text: Apply Yourself!}}
 
Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday [[In Hannelore's bathroom. She's holding up a home pregnancy test.]] / Hannelore: Negative. Okay. One more, then I'll stop. / [[Hannelore goes to the kitchen. There are multiple empty pregnancy test boxes on the counter. The AnthroPCs can be heard from offscreen.]] / Pintsize: Negative? / Winslow: Yes, negative. / Pintsize: Crap, we ran out of room on the list. / Hannelore: Um, what are you guys doing? / [[The robots are on the counter, surrounded by various food items and a sheet of paper reading "Water - Not Pregnant; OJ - Not Pregnant; Yogurt - ALIVE but not pregnant"]] / Winslow: Pregnancy tests! / Pintsize: It's a good thing the eggs aren't pregnant, because otherwise I'd have just stirred some baby chickens to death.
Number 1128: Higgs Boson Aubade [[Cafeteria, painting, cup of coffee]] / Sven: It was weird, man. I've never has a girl shut ME down before. / Wil: Never? Really? / Sven: Not once I'd gotten her in the sack, anyway. / Wil: Wonders never cease, my friend. / [[Paintings, girl with a laptop, girl with a striped shirt, dishes]] / Sven: I don't get it. I mean, this is the same girl who was givin' me all kinds of shit for being a player. And all of a sudden SHE one-night-stands ME! / Wil: Women are mysterious creatures, and I will never understand them. / [[Stairs]] / Sven: Hmph. I thought I understood them. / Wil: By the way, I finally finished a poem. Would you like to hear it? It might cheer you up. / Sven: Sure. / [[Door]] / Wil: "Ode to the LHC" O! Prometheus of mass,/ We come to unchain thee/ Not with key, nor torch, nor saw/ But a circus of relativity./ Hadrons colliding,/ A sudden, stable strangelet/ devours us all. / Sven: I can tell you all ABOUT man-eating strangelets. Friggin' Faye.
Number 1129: Hunter-Gathering Sucks [[Raven is standing behind the counter at Coffee of Doom, Faye is sweeping]] / Faye: Hey Raven, what ever happened to your hobo boyfriend? / Raven: Oh, we broke up. / Faye: Already? / Raven: Yeah, he said I was weighing him down, and he needed to be free. So I set him free. / Faye: Aww, I'm sorry. / Raven: It's okay, it wasn't gonna last anyway. We were too different. / Faye: Yeah, I could see that. Livin' in different countries, totally different lifestyles, you bathe regularly, he doesn't... / Raven: He's an anarcho-primitivist, I agree with Chomsky's view that it's untenable as a political belief system... / Raven: Plus, he's really into anal. Like, ew.
Number 1130: Getting Back Into Art Faye: Check it out, my cookies are done! / Dora: Those are some funky-lookin' cookies. What are they supposed to be? / Faye: Sculptural Snickerdoodles. / Faye: Put two or more together and you have an edible installation piece! / Dora: Cute. Are they all abstract, or can you make actual THINGS out of them? / Faye: I was gonna try and do Michelangelo's David, but sculpting his buttocks got too distracting. / Dora: Just don't do any Christo pieces, please. The landlord would kill me and the people upstairs would have to gnaw their way out.
Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday Marten: Working on a paper? / Tai: Nah, just writing something for fun. / Marten: Oh yeah? Whatcha writin'? / Tai: Oh, uh...nothing specific. You probably wouldn't be interested. / Marten: Really? Lemme see. / Marten: Oh wow. "Gripping Emma's firm buttocks, Jasmine lifted her onto the copy machine and spread her legs, seeking desperately with her tongue for-" / Tai: N-no, wait! / / Marten: So that was YOUR butt-print on the copier this morning, "Emma?" / Tai: Note to self: bring Windex next time.
 
Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday {{On the previous comic it was implied that Tai had been "having fun" with someone else on the copier machine.}} / [[Dora arrives at the library where Marten and Tai work]] / Dora: Hey sweetie. / Marten: Hey Dora, I was just gonna come over to the shop. What's up? / Dora: Not much, I just need to make some copies of this form and I figured I'd use the machines here. / Marten: Oh yeah baby, I can help you make copies. / Tai: Snrk! / Dora: What are you talking about? / Marten: Nothing, nothing. Inside joke. I'll explain it later. / [[Tai grabs Dora's hands]] / Tai: Hey, why don't you come use the copier in my office. It's free. / [[Marten pushes them apart]] / Marten: My girlfriend, my copier assistance. / Tai: Aww, c'mon! / Dora: Since when was being a librarian this contentious?
Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday Dora: So, what's with all this copier-related giggling? / Marten: Let's just say that this library has seen more than its fair share of ... activity lately. / Dora: Ooh, kinky. Shall we engage in some "activity" of our own? / You just read my mind. / [[As Marten and Dora enter the office they are stumbled when they see an older couple making out naked]] / Old woman: EEK! / Old man: GAH! / [[Marten and Dora are frozen in sheer shock with their eyes about to pop out]] / [[]]
Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday [[Tai, Dora and Marten, at Smif Library]] / Tai: You're back awful fast. What happened? / Dora and Marten: NOTHING. / [[An older woman and man walk up. The man is straightening his tie]] / Woman: Excuse me, young man. / Marten: Gah! / Woman: My fellow trustee and I were just...discussing what an admirable, discreet job you're doing here, and how criminally low your wages are. / Man: Yes, yes, criminally low. I'd say he deserves, what, a 30% raise? / Woman: We'll recommend it to the board tomorrow. [[quieter voice]] And hire someone to service the locks in this building. / Tai: I don't know what just happened, but...congratulations? / Marten: Yeah, great. I can spend my newfound wealth on THERAPY.
Number 1135: It's Just Different Marten: God, I'll never be able to scrub that image from my mind. / Dora: I dunno, I think it was kinda cute. I hope I'm that adventurous when I'm their age. / Marten: I hope I have the good sense not to do it in PUBLIC when I'm their age. / Dora: Oh come on, don't be ageist. Wasn't that exactly what WE were gonna do anyway? / Marten: Dude, Tai's RIGHT HERE! / Tai: Oh yeah, because I totally didn't know you were sneaking off to fuck. / Marten: We were going to MAKE LOVE, thank you very much. / Tai: Is he this self-conscious in the bedroom? / Dora: I've found that the trick is to keep him distracted. Boobs seem to work well.
Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday {{Number 1136: Dubble Trubble}} / Sven: Hey. / Faye: Hey. / Sven: So, uh, how've you been? / Faye: Fine. You? / Sven: Fine. / Sven: I was wondering if you were up for dinner and a movie tonight. / Faye: Sorry, but I have to wash my hair. / Sven: Oh come on, that's the most obvious, played-out- / Faye: No, really. Raven got gum in it. See? / Sven: How the heck did THAT happen? / Raven: I was blowing a bubble bud I tribbed ad we bonged heads. / Faye: She literally can't walk and chew gum at the same time.
 
Number 1137: The Bees And The Bees Pintsize: Did it work? / Faye: Yeah, the peanut butter got the gum right out! / Pintsize: I told you I wasn't lying! / Faye: You were actually being helpful instead of creepy for once. My mind is blown. / Faye: Seriously, I can't believe how well that worked. I was worried I'd have to cut the hair off. / Pintsize: You'de be amazed at some of the alternate uses of ever*day foodstuffs. / Pintsize: For instance, honey can be used as a sexual lubricant. / Faye: Okay, now you're going from helpful back to creepy again.
Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday Hey Penny, whatcha doin'? / Just checking job listings. / Omi god! Dora would kill you if she knew you were looking for another job! / I'm not really LOOKING, I'm just checking to see if there's anything really good out there. I don't wanna work in a coffee shop for the rest of my LIFE. / Okay, then what's your dream job? / Hmm... I'd like to be a publisher, or maybe a literary agent. You know, find the next great American novelist. What about you? / Something where I get paid a lot of money to do what i enjoy most, I guess. / So... a sex therapist for movie stars and millionairs? / I was thinking water-slide test-pilot, but i guess that'd be okay too.
Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday Marten: So, do you think you will ever get your back tattoo finished? / Dora: I dunno. I keep meaning to, but I kinda like just having the flames for now. / Dora: Have you ever thought about getting a tattoo? You'd look cute with some ink on you. / Marten: I dunno, I like the idea but I can't think of anything I'd really like to get. / Dora: You should get a sleeve of pinup girls fighting dinosaurs. Or a wizard fighting a robot! Or a B-52 dropping kittens instead of bombs! / Marten: I thought tattoos were suppose to have a deeper meaning than a bunch of weird drawings. / Dora: Oh there is tons of deep meaning there. The pinup girls represent your feminine side, the dinasours represent the repressive male-dominant society you were raised in. The wizard and the robot represent the struggle between superstition and technology. / Marten: And the bomber dropping kittens? / Dora: I like kittens.
Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday Yelling Bird: SO THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A REGULAR QC STRIP TODAY, BUT THAT WITLESS FUCKSTICK JEPH FORGOT THE ADAPTER TO CONNECT HIS CINTIQ TO HIS MACBOOK / Yelling Bird: GUESS WHO GETS TO PICK UP THE SLACK WHILE JEPH "I SPELL MY NAME STUPID" JACQUES FUCKS AROUND AFTER EMERALD CITY? ME. THAT'S WHO. / Yelling Bird: JEPH IS PROBABLY CRYING HIMSELF TO SLEEP RIGHT NOW BECAUSE HE FINALLY MET WIL WHEATON, ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT WIL HAS A WAY BETTER BEARD THAN HE DOES / Yelling Bird: I TRIED TO GET JEPH TO SHOW WIL MY WESLEY CRUSHER/DEANNA TROI SLASH COMICS BUT THE STUPID COCKSTRANGLER WOULDN'T EVEN TAKE THEM ON THE PLANE WITH HIM / Yelling Bird: PATRICK STEWART CALLED MY PICARD/SPOCK SLASH A TOUR DE FORCE, GODDAMNIT
Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday Faye: ...So Sven's all "wanna come over and watch a movie", totally angling for a booty call, you know? Thank god I had an honest excuse. / Hannelore: So you really aren't interested in him, huh. / Faye: As a friend, maybe. But even if I WERE interested in dating somebody, he's hardly my idea of the ideal man. / Hannelore: Mm. / Hannelore: So who is? / Faye: Huh? Who is what? / Hannelore: Your ideal man. / Faye: Heh, I dunno. Mister Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, I guess. What about you. / Hannelore: Well... / [[Hannelore is under a wedding arch with Mr. Clean.]] / Faye: I hate to tell you this, hon, but I'm pretty sure he's gay. / Hannelore: Oh, that's all right. I wouldn't be able to consummate the marriage anyway.
 

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