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| Number Sixty-One: I Am Your Father | Panel 1
/ Pintsize: Marten! Marten! Check this out!
/ Marten: Yes Pintsize, I know you can bend at the knees now. / Panel 2
/ Pintsize: No really, this is so cool! You have to see-
/ Marten: Look Pintsize, I know you're excited about this whole "having useable limbs" thing, but- / Panel 3
/ [[aser shoots from Pintsize's belly]]
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=61 |
| Number Sixty-Two: Sshrkkt! | Panel 1
/ Marten: Come on, Pintsize. You have to disable that laser.
/ Pintsize: But why?! / Panel 2
/ Marten: Look, I don't want to have to register you with the goddamned Department of Defense or something. I bet you have to pay huge fees to keep a death ray in your apartment.
/ Pintsize: Can I at least fire it one more time?
/ Marten: Fine. One last time, then turn it off. / Panel 3
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=62 |
| Number Sixty-Three: Henry Rollins | Panel 1
/ Steve: So, have you hooked up with Faye yet?
/ Marten: What? No! / Panel 2
/ Steve: Oh come on, dude. You know you want to.
/ Marten: Look, even if she WERE interested, I still wouldn't do it. It'd make everything all awkward and complicated. / Panel 3
/ [[Marten takes a drink]] / Panel 4
/ MArten: Okay, so that was a total lie.
/ Steve: Gee, really? I WOULD NEVER HAVE GUESSED. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=63 |
| Number Sixty-Four: What Is The First Law? | Panel 1
/ Steve: Why are you so convinced that Faye isn't interested in you? I've seen how she acts around you.
/ Marten: I don't know what you're talking about. / Panel 2
/ Steve: She put her arms around you when she was drunk. She's always flirting with you. I mean for Christ's sake, she's sleeping on your couch!
/ Steve: How are those NOT signs that she wants to do nasty things to you in a bed? / Panel 3
/ Marten: Look. I'm male, therefore I am completely incapable of judging female attraction.
/ Marten: It's the Second Law of Sexual Dynamics- if you think a girl is attracted to you, you are wrong. / Panel 4
/ Steve: So what you're saying is there's no way to tell if a girl is interested in you.
/ Marten: Short of her climbing into my lap and humping vigorously, no. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=64 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Comic #65: Tagalong / Faye: Have a good night, Sara. I am off to the bar. / Sara: Are you hanging out with that guy Marten tonight?
/ Faye: Yeah, him and his friend Steve. Why do you ask? / Sara: Oh, no reason...
/ Faye: < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=65 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Comic #66: Booze is Awesome / Marten: Man, Steve and Sara are really hitting it off.
/ Faye: Yeah, he has somehow managed to be charming without being a complete smarmosaur. / Faye: Are you okay with all this?
/ Marten: Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I totally got over that whole Sara mess. / Marten: Besides, I'm hanging out with a WAY more rad girl right now anyway. / Faye: Even though the only reason you had the balls to say that is because you're drunker than an Irish skunk, you're a sweetheart.
/ Marten: "Liquid testicles" does not have the same ring to it as "liquid courage". http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=66 |
| Number Sixty-Seven: Right behind You | Faye: My Glasses!
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=67 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Number Sixty-Eight: A Night At The Improv / PANEL 1 / Faye: Marten, is that you? / BONK / Faye: Ow, dammit! / Marten: Why are you in the closet? / Faye: I thought this was the bathroom! Thank goodness I did not have my pants down yet! / PANEL 2 / Marten: I got you another pair of glasses. / Faye: Marten, these must have cost three hundred dollars! How can you afford this? / PANEL 3 / Marten: My health insurance from work covered it. / Faye: But how? You don't wear glasses. / Let's just say I, uh, improvised. / PANEL 3 / Optometrist: Sir, if this is really your prescription, how on earth did you find your way here without your glasses on. / Marten: Magical vision fairies guided me. Now just hand over the damn glasses! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=68 |
| Number Sixty-Nine: Vision Test | PANEL 1
/ Faye: Okay, let me try these on. / PANEL 2
/ Faye: Oh hoorays, they are perfect!
/ Marten: I'm glad you like them. They look nice on you. / PANEL 3
/ [[Faye punches Marten]]
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=69 |
| Number Seventy: There Can Be Only One | PANEL 1
/ Pintsize: Marten, how long am I going to live?
/ Marten: Well, that depends. / PANEL 2
/ Marten: I guess if we kept upgrading your hardware as it began to wear out, you could basically stay alive as long as there was compatible equipment. / PANEL 3
/ Pintsize: Muahahaha! Immortality is mine! I am like unto a god! / PANEL 4
/ Marten: On the other hand, I could just wave a big magnet at you and erase your hard drives.
/ Pintsize: My first commandment is: "Thou shalt not beget electromagnetism in the presence of your Lord." http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=70 |
| Existentialism In Action | TITLE BAR: 71: Existentialism In Action / TRANSCRIPT: / PANEL 1 / Pintsize: You know, Faye, I'm effectively immortal. And with immortality comes power. You should fear and respect me, for I am a god. / PANEL 2 / (Faye pokes Pintsize off the table)
/ Pintsize: Hey wait no don't-
/ SFX: POKE / PANEL 3 / SFX: CRASH! / PANEL 4 / Faye: Nietzsche would have approved.
/ Pintsize: Nietzsche is dead! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=71 |
| Number Seventy-Two: Failure Was Awesome | Panel 1
/ Marten: Man, that Failure album I just downloaded is really fucking good...
/ Faye: Why do you sound so depressed about it then? / Panel 2
/ Marten: I dunno...I mean, I completely missed out on them when they were still together. I feel like a total loser for not having heard of them before, and now I'll never get the chance to see them live or anything. / Panel 3
/ Faye: Well, look at it this way: In twenty years, you'll probably be one of the very few people left on the planet who can even REMEMBER that band. That's got to count for something. / Panel 4
/ Faye: And hey, at least you're not one of those insufferable dorks who is still devastated that Pavement broke up.
/ Marten: Oh God, tell me about it. Those people are like a cult. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=72 |
| Number Seveny-Three: Clear The Room | PANEL 1
/ Faye: Oh man, I should not have ordered a burrito. I am going to have killer death gas tonight.
/ Marten: Heh, you girls have it easy. / PANEL 2
/ Faye: Oh? And why is that?
/ Marten: When a girl farts it is funny and endearing. When a dude farts, it's just gross. / PANEL 3
/ Faye: That is because girls' farts smell like roses and fresh-baked cookies.
/ Marten: Not judging by how my bathroom smells after you've been in there for fifteen minutes. / PANEL 4
/ Faye: Maybe we should not be having this conversation in a crowded diner.
/ Marten: Quick, placate the other patrons with your rosy cookie gases! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=73 |
| Number Seventy-Four: Friendly Punchings | PANEL 1
/ Faye: Hey, let's swing by the coffee shop. I'll make us some drinks.
/ Marten: Sure, sounds good to me. / PANEL 2
/ Faye: This is really nice.
/ Marten: Hmm?
/ Faye: I am just happy to have someone to hang out with. You are fun to be around. / PANEL 3
/ Faye: Why are you cringing? / PANEL 4
/ Marten: Whenever you say something nice about me I always end up getting punched.
/ Faye: Oh that is SO not true. I also kick you in the shins sometimes! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=74 |
| Number Seventy-Five: Provocative | PANEL 1
/ Faye: Hi Dora.
/ Dora: Hi Faye. Who's the boy? / PANEL 2
/ Faye: This is Marten, the guy I am staying with. Marten, this is my boss Dora.
/ Marten: Hi. / PANEL 3
/ Dora: Your boyfriend is a cutie.
/ Faye: He is not my boyfriend, we are just pals!
/ Dora: Ah, that's a shame. You two make quite the dashing couple. / PANEL 4
/ Dora: Marten, you'd go out with Faye, right?
/ Marten: I plead the Fifth.
/ Dora: Aww, he's terrified of you. Definitely your type, Faye darling.
/ Faye: Must maintain control...Must not punch boss in her stupid Gothy face... http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=75 |
| Number Seventy-Six: I Want That Mug | Panel 1
/ Faye: I really hate how all the hipster boys are growing full beards lately.
/ Marten: It is a total scam.
/ [[Sign: Coffee! Zombie monkeys love it!]] / Panel 2
/ Marten: You never see a bearded indie guy with a girlfriend, right? No girl wants to make out with a hairy dude. Guys know this. The beard is a way of saying "I am so totally single right now it doesn't even matter that I have this nasty facial hair." / Panel 3
/ Marten: Ever notice how girls always say stuff like "oh man that boy would be so much cuter if he didn't have that awful beard"? When the dude eventually DOES shave it off, those girls are all "oh em gee want want want". If he never had the beard, the girls wouldn't have fixated on him in the first place.
/ Faye: It is a smarmy conspiracy to manipulate indie girls! / Panel 4
/ Dora: And you're bucking the trend by remaining clean-shaven?
/ Marten: Hell no, I would totally get in on the action if I were able to grow more than four hairs on my face.
/ Faye: I just imagined you with a white-trash 'stache and it made me very very sad. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=76 |
| Number Seventy-Seven: Rawr | PANEL 1
/ Faye: Good night, Dora.
/ Dora: 'Night kids. It was nice meeting you, Marten. / PANEL 2
/ Faye: Hee hee, she completely has a crush on you so bad.
/ Marten: What? No way. Really? / PANEL 3
/ Faye: Oh definitely. She will work her spooky charms upon you and make you her slave!
/ Marten: Somehow I doubt it. / PANEL 4
/ Faye: Do not fear, I am protective like a mother bear. If she tries to cast any sexy spells I will maul her ferociously!
/ Marten: Suddenly my life feels like a Tenchi Muyo episode. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=77 |
| Number Seventy-Eight: Who Put The Kick Back? | Panel 1
/ Marten: What makes you so sure she is attracted to me?
/ Faye: It is woman's intuition kicking in! / Panel 2
/ Faye: Besides, what makes you so sure she does NOT in fact want to squeeze your bottom?
/ Marten: The Second Law of Sexual Dynamics, that's what. / Panel 3
/ Faye: Ah, but in this case, the First Law: "In a given dispute, the female is more likely to be correct," trumps the Second Law quite soundly.
/ Marten: That still doesn't prove anything, though. / Panel 4
/ Narrator: Meanwhile...
/ Dora: Does Dora's favorite little kitty want to hear about the dashing young man Dora met today?
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=78 |
| #79: I Want Those Posters, Dammit! | Number Seventy-Nine: I Want Those Posters Dammit / PANEL 1 / Marten: Look, there is no way Dora can possibly be interested in me. / Faye: There are not enough adjectives in the English language to describe how wrong you are. / PANEL 2 / Faye: Give yourself a little credit, Marten. You can be quite the charming boy when you are not thinking too much. / PANEL 3 / Faye: I am certain there are plenty of girls who are attracted to you, and you just don't know it yet. / PANEL 4 / Marten: Congratulations, that is the single most frustratingly open-to-interpretation statement I have ever heard someone utter. / Faye: I have attained girlvana! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=79 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Comic #80: Answer Not Found / Pintsize: What are you two arguing about?
/ Marten: Faye is convinced that her boss Dora has a thing for me. / Pintsize: Is she cuter than Faye?
/ Marten: Well, I...Uh, that is to say...Um... / [[Silent, awkward panel]] / Faye: Go ahead, Marten. I want to see how you get yourself out of this question.
/ Marten: You...I mean she's...GAH!
/ Pintsize: That is what a 404 error feels like. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=80 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Comic #81: No Peeking / Faye: Good morning! Cup of coffee?
/ Marten: Mnf. / Marten: You're awfully chipper this morning.
/ Faye: I am looking forward to making coffees and sassing lascivious customers. / Marten: Why is it that girls who work at coffee shops get hit on so often, anyway?
/ Faye: In a relaxed social environment, patrons do not expect me to pour scalding espresso down their shirts when they proposition me. / Marten: How can you do that and still keep your job?
/ Faye: Oh, Dora is ten times worse than me. When she caught the district attorney peeking down her tanktop, she made him cry like a little boy. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=81 |
| Number Eighty-Two: Manly Drinks | PANEL 1
/ Faye: What are you doing here, Dora? You never work the morning shift.
/ Dora: Sarah called in sick and no one else could cover for her, so here I am. / PANEL 2
/ Faye: That is a sucky thing!
/ Dora: Especially since I was up until 4am last night working on someone's website. / PANEL 3
/ Faye: Oh oh, let me guess! It was "NiteRayven's Portal of Despair," home to weepy, florid prose and horrifically morose poetry!
/ Dora: Shut your sarcasm hole, Indie McEmopants. It was no such thing. / PANEL 4
/ Faye: Then it could only have been "DarkVyper's Cave of Utter Emptiness," the website with so much black in it you might as well just turn your moniter off!
/ Dora: While they are witty, your comments inch you closer to unemployment with every passing second. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=82 |
| Number Eighty-Three: Spectral Voices | PANEL 1
/ Faye: So what do you think of Marten?
/ Dora: Like I said last night, he's a cutie. / PANEL 2
/ Faye: Does that mean you would smother him with spooky smooches if given the chance?
/ Dora: I might, were it not for a certain gal who is either being extremely protective of him or entertaining her own secret designs. / PANEL 3
/ Faye: For the last time, I do not have hidden thoughts about Marten! I am just his friend who is looking out for his best interests.
/ Dora: Sure, right.
/ Faye: You do not sound very convinced. / PANEL 4
/ Dora: The spectral voices of the aether are telling me that you're fibbing!
/ Faye: Well you can tell the spectral voices to shove it. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=83 |
| Number Eighty-Four: First Through The Door | PANEL 1
/ Faye: Be right back, Dora. I need to visit the ladies' room.
/ Dora: Don't fall in, we're officially open now.
/ Faye: With these hips the risk is all but nonexistant. My bottom shall stay dry and secure! / PANEL 2
/ Dora: Oh, hello Marten!
/ Marten: Oh uh hi Dora. I was on my way to work and thought I'd stop by... / PANEL 3
/ Dora: So do you just want some coffee or would you prefer a quick fuck on the counter?
/ Marten: Guh buh duh huh wha? / PANEL 4
/ Dora: I'm just kidding, you ass. Fay is right, you are cute when you get flustered.
/ Marten: Remind me, which of you is the evil twin of the other? http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=84 |
| Number Eighty-Five: Still Better Than Telemarketing | Panel 1
/ Dora: What kind of work do you do, anyway?
/ Marten: Mostly clerical stuff - filing, sorting the mail, answering the phones. Basically I am the office bitch. / Panel 2
/ Dora: I appreciate the witty metaphor, but I doubt your job is THAT bad. / Panel 3
/ Marten: My business card. / Panel 4
/ Dora: Holy moly, it really does list you as "Office Bitch".
/ Marten: I'm still not sure if my boss was joking when he had those cards printed for me.
/ Faye: Squeeeal like a wage slave! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=85 |
| Number Eighty-Six: Psychoethanologist | Panel 1:
/ Scott: Morning Marten.
/ Marten: Hey boss. / Panel 2:
/ Scott: My, you look even more glum than usual. Did your dog die this weekend or something?
/ Marten: Nah, nothing that bad. It's just been a weird couple of days. / Panel 3:
/ Scott: Ah, that sounds like code for girl-related troubles.
/ Marten: Yeah, I guess you could say that.
/ Scott: What you need is a quick visit with the company therapist. / Panel 4:
/ Marten: We have a company therapist?
/ Scott: Yeah, the bottle of bourbon I keep hidden in my desk.
/ Marten: Now that's what I call a good health plan. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=86 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Into the Sun}} / [[Marten's work}} / Boss: So basically your problem is you've got two lovely lady friends and you can't decide which one to pursue.
/ Marten: Or whether I should even pursue either of them. / Marten: Faye is a really cool girl, and I think she flirts with me sometimes, but she claims that she's just a friend. According to Faye, Dora has a crush on me for sure, but I barely know her and Faye might just be wrong.
/ Even if BOTH of them were interested in me, I'd still have no idea what to do. / Boss: Well, the only advice I can give you is to think with your heart, not with your dick. / Boss: Although to tell the truth, I was totally thinking with my dick when I first asked my boyfriend out, and we've been together for six years now.
/ Marten: While I suppose it's nice to know that thinking with my wang could land me a gay dude, it doesn't really help my situation. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=87 |
| Number Eighty-Eight: Fightin' Mood | PANEL 1
/ Marten: Faye? What are you doing here?
/ Faye: It is five thirty! Let the weekend begin!
/ Faye: Dora let me off an hour early so I decided to meet you here at work. / PANEL 2
/ Faye: I am feeling saucy, like I could kick the asses of three different things this weekend!
/ Marten: Oh yeah? / PANEL 3
/ Faye: I will kick Steve's ass at drinking the booze, I will kick Pintsize's ass at Trivial Pursuit, and I will kick Dora's ass at being a sexy thing!
/ Marten: Heh. / PANEL 4
/ Marten: I like how you're talking about kicking peoples' asses while making punching motions.
/ Faye: Don't you sass me! You will be added to the list! I can make room for one more! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=88 |
| Number Eighty-Nine: Why Girls Hate The Cold | Panel 1
/ Faye: Oh damn it, I left my coat at the coffee shop.
/ Marten: Do you want to go back and get it? / Panel 2
/ Faye: No, I would rather just get home.
/ Marten: Okay... / Panel 3
/ Marten: Uh, why are you fondling yourself? / Panel 4
/ Faye: I am not fondling! It is chilly out, and I would prefer that my nipples go un-ogled.
/ Marten: You know, you could just ask to borrow my button-down shirt http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=89 |
| Number Ninety: I Wish I Could Do That | Panel 1
/ Faye: Your shirt smells like boy-deodorant. I do not want to smell like a boy!
/ Marten: Well, it's better than walking down the street clutching your bosoms. / Panel 2
/ Faye: This is true. I might have caused a car or bicycle accident due to my massive sexiness!
/ Marten: You're so civic-minded. / Panel 3
/ Faye: It was for your benefit too! You might have walked straight into a telephone pole!
/ Pintsize: Hello Marten and Faye! / Panel 4
/ Marten: Uh, how...?
/ Pintsize: I did it with the aid of SCIENCE!
/ Faye: He is like a psychotic gecko. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=90 |
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