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| Poison Dart Insults | Faye: Bluhhhh, where's Marty?
/ Dora: He's been coming in after the lunch-hour rush all week. Why are you so anxious to see him? / Faye: Because he's more fun to tease than Pen-pen here. My poking stick is bored. [[pokes Penelope with a stick]]
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=751 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: Bluhhhh, where's Marty?
/ Dora: He's been coming in after the luch-hour rush all week.
/ Why are you so anxious to see him? / Faye: Because he's more fun to tease the Pen-pen here.
/ My poking stick is getting bored.
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=751# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Tuesday, November 14th 2006
/ Number 752: The Hair Was Too Easy A Target / [[ Coffee Of Doom - Pen-Pen at register, Dude with fanny pack]]
/ Pen-Pen: Welcome to Coffee of Doom. Would you like your customer service Mild, Medium, Or Southern Sipcy Barbeque?
/ Dude: What? / [[Dude with Fanny Pack, Pen-Pen, Dora, Faye]]
/ Pen-Pen: If you pick Mild, I'll treat you with polite aloofness. Medium is Dora acting contemptuously indifferent towards you. Southern Spicy Barbeque gets you three full minutes of abuse from Faye. Feel free to mix and match to suit your taste.
/ Dude: Oh, uh I'll take Mild. / [[Pen-Pen and Dora]]
/ Dora: It's a nice idea, but it's not gonna work
/ Pen-Pen: Why Not? / [[Pen-Pen, Dora, Faye, Dude with fanny pack]]
/ Dora: Because Faye's making the drinks right now, and getting between her and her quarry is like coming between a lion and it's dinner.
/ Pen-Pen: Oh. Right.
/ Faye: Hey Dad-Rocker, nice leather jacket and fanny pack! I bet you drive a minivan, really like how "edgy" Wilco is, and fantisize about starting a blues band with your poker buddies. Your Indian name is Wears-Birkenstocks-With-Socks-On, here's your latte, and have a nice day.
/ Dude: But I asked for the Mild burn! I was expecting idle dismissal, not a crushing satire of my dreary everyday existence! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=752 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Penelope: Welcome to Coffe of Doom.
/ Would you like your customer service Mild, Medium, or Southern Spicy Barbecue?
/ Dad-Rocker: What? / Penelope: If you pick Mild, I'll treat you with polite aloofness.
/ Medium is Dora acting contemptuosly indifferent towards you.
/ Southern Spicy Barbecue gets you three full minutes of abuse from Faye.
/ Feel free to mix and match to suit your palate.
/ Dad-Rocker: Oh, uh I'll take Mild. / Dora: It's a nice idea, but it's not gonna work.
/ Penelope: Why not? / Dora: Because Faye's making the drinks right now, and getting between her and her quarry is like coming between a lion and it's dinner.
/ Peneople: Oh.
/ Right.
/ Faye: Hey Dad-Rocker, nice leather jacket and fanny pack!
/ I bet you drive a minivan, really like how "edgy" Wilco is, and fantasize about starting a blues band with your poker buddies.
/ Your Indian name is Wears-Birkenstocks-With-Socks-On, here's your latte, and have a nice day.
/ Dad-Rocker: But I asked for the Mild burn!
/ I was expecting idle dismissal, not a crushing satire of my dreary everyday existence! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=752# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Marten: Hey girls.
/ Dora: Hey sweetie. Good timing on your arrival, I think Faye was about to start setting fire to customers.
/ Faye: Only the rude ones! The nice ones just get Indian burns. / Dora: What's the package?
/ Marten: I dunno. It's from my mom.
/ Faye: Ooh! Presents! Maybe she got you a collapsible pony! / Marten: The note says "Saw this and thought of you. Give my regards to your harem. Love, Mom."
/ Faye: Is it a collapsible pony?
/ Dora: No, it's infinitely better than that, and if Marten doesn't put it on I will break up with him. / Marten: I can't decide which is worse, the sadism my mother displays toward her only son or the possibility that this really DID remind her of me.
/ Faye: She must've known we'd make you put it on, so I'm gonna go with sadism.
/ Dora: Either that or she was doing me a favour. That is the hottest thing since David Bowie started putting on eyeshadow.
/ [[the shirt reads: I AM THE PRETTIEST PRINCESS]] http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=753 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Marten: Hey girls.Dora: Hey sweetie. Good timing on your arrival, I think Faye was about to start setting fire to customers.
/ Faye: Only the rude ones! The nice ones just get Indian burns. / Dora: What's the package?
/ Marten: I dunno. It's from my mom.
/ Faye: Ooh! Presents! Maybe she got you a collapsible pony! / Marten: The note says "Saw this and thought of you. Give my regards to your harem. Love, Mom."
/ Faye: Is it a collapsible pony?
/ Dora: No, it's infinitely better than that, and if Marten doesn't put it on I will break up with him. / Marten: I can't decide which is worse, the sadism my mother displays toward her only son or the possiblity that this really DID remind her of me.
/ Faye: She must've known we'd make you put it on, so I'm gonna go with sadism.
/ Dora: Either that or she was doing me a favor. That is the hottest thing since David Bowie started putting on eyeshadow.
/ Statue: LOL http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=753 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Marten: Hey girls.
/ Dora: Hey sweetie.
/ Good timing on your arrival, I think Faye was about to start setting fire to the customers.
/ Faye: Only the rude ones!
/ The nice ones just get Indian burns. / Dora: What's the package?
/ Marten: I dunno.
/ It's from my mom.
/ Faye: Ooh!
/ Presents!
/ Maybe she got you a collapsible pony! / Marten: The note says "Saw this and thought of you.
/ Give your regards to your harem.
/ Love, Mom."
/ Faye: Is it a collapsible pony?
/ Dora: No, it's infinitely better than that, and if Marten doesn't put it on I will break up with him. / Marten: I can't decide which is worse, the sadism my mother displays towards her only son or the possibility that this really DID remind her of me.
/ Faye: She must have known we'd make you put it on, so I'm gonna go with sadism.
/ Dora: Either that or she was doing me a favor.
/ That is the hottest thing since David Bowie started putting on eyeshadow. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=753# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[In Coffee of Doom, Marten holding pink tee-shirt]] / Dora: Oh, pleeeeeease put the tiny shirt back on!
/ Marten: No way, it's too drafty. For both my dignity and my core body temperature.
/ Faye: Aw, but it was so cute! / Marten: Here, if you think it's so cute, you can have it.
/ Faye: No way, I'd look like a tube of cookie dough getting pushed through an hourglass in that thing. Or an elephant seal in a corset. / Marten: I think you're exaggerating a little, Faye.
/ Dora: And trawling for compliments while you're at it.
/ Faye: I am not! I'm just aware that there are some things ladies shaped like me should not attempt. / Penelope: Like visit an elephant seal colony during mating season?
/ Dora: Ohhhh damn! Finally Penelope strikes back! Hahahaha!
/ Faye: Yea, I'm guessing an amorous, 2000-pound male seal wouldn't react well to "Sorry, but I can't mate with anyone right now because I have issues."
/ Marten: I could probably give him some pointers. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=754 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Number 754: Nature Programming}} / Dora: Oh pleeeeeease put the tiny shirt back on!
/ Marten: No way, it's way too drafty. For both my dignity and my core body temperature.
/ Faye: Aww, but it was so cute! / Marten: Here, if you think it's so cute you can have it.
/ Faye: No way, I'd look like a tube of cookie dough getting pushed through an hourglass in that thing. Or an elephant seal in a corset. / Marten: I think you're exaggerating a little, Faye.
/ Dora: And trawling for compliments while you're at it.
/ Faye: I am not! I'm just aware that there are some things ladies shaped like me should not attempt. / Penelope: Like visit an elephant seal colony during mating season?
/ Dora: Ohhhh damn! Finally Penelope strikes back! Hahahaha!
/ Faye: Yeah, I'm guessing an amorous, 2000-pound male seal wouldn't react well to "Sorry, but I can't mate with anybody right now because I have 'issues'."
/ Marten: I could probably give him some pointers. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=754 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Doar: Oh pleeeeeease put the tiny shirt back on!
/ Marten: No way, it's too drafty.
/ Both for my dignity and my core body temperature.
/ Faye: Aww, but it was so cute! / Marten: Here, if you think it's so cute you can have it.
/ Faye: No way, I'd look like a tube of cookie dough getting pushed through an hourglass in that thing.
/ Or an elephant seal in a corset. / Marten: I think you're exaggerating a little, Faye.
/ Dora: And trawling for compliments while you're at it.
/ Faye: I am not!
/ I'm just aware that there are some things ladies shaped like me should not attempt. / Penelope: Like visit an elephant seal colony during mating season?
/ Dora: Ohhhh damn!
/ Finally Penelope strikes back!
/ Hahahaha!
/ Faye: Yeah, I'm guessing an amorous, 2000-pound male seal wouldn't react well to "Sorry, but I can't mate with anyody right now because I have issues."
/ Marten: I could probably give him some pointers. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=754# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Number 755: Someone's A Little Bitter / Dora: So are you friends with any of your exes, Marten? I'm curious.
/ Marten: Nah, not really. They're all crazy.
/ Penelope: Augh, I hate it when boys use that term.
/ Marten: Huh? / Penelope: When guys say an ex-girlfriend was "crazy", they don't mean literally. It's just a catch-all term that makes them look like the wronged party.
/ Penelope: "She got mad when I spent my paycheck on alcohol and video games! She was CRAZY!"
/ Penelope: "She broke up with me! I can't be bothered to examine the reasons WHY she dumped me, so I'll just say she was CRAZY!" / Penelope: And then they wonder why it seems that EVERY GIRL THEY'VE EVER DATED turned out to be "crazy" in the end! Of course it COULDN'T have anything to do with THEM. Maybe ALL women are crazy. Yeah, that MUST be it! / Dora: Penny, hon, you're honestly not doing much to prove your thesis right now.
/ Penelope: < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=755 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | So are you friends with any of your exes, Marten? I'm curious.
/ Nah, not really, they're all crazy.
/ Augh, I hate it when boys use that term.
/ Huh? / When guys say an ex-girlfriend was "crazy", they don't mean literally.
/ It's just a catch-all term that makes them look like the wronged party.
/ She got mad when I spent my paycheck on alcohol and video games!
/ She was CRAZY!
/ "She broke up with me!
/ I can't be bothered to examine the reasons WHY she dumped me, so I'll just say she was CRAZY!" / And then they wonder why it seems like EVERY GIRL THEY"VE EVER DATED turned out to be "crazy" in the end!
/ Of course it COULDN"T have anything to do with THEM.
/ Maybe ALL women are crazy!
/ Yeah, that MUST be it! / Penny, hon, you're honestly not doing much to prove your thesis right now.
/ EEE-HAW
/ EEE-HAW
/ Also, some chicks really are just nuts.
/ Crazy chicks tend to be better in bed too.
/ At least, once you get them out of the straightjacket. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=755# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday - Number 756: The Sporting Life | [[Penelope, Dora and Marten is gathered in the store]]
/ Dora; Sounds like someone's had the "crazy ex-girlfriend" label applied to them before.
/ Penelope; Ugh, yeah.
/ Penelope; I'm sorry, it just really gets my goat when people use "crazy" as a catch-all term.
/ Marten; Well, consider the alternative. / Penelope; You mean people NOT being jackasses?
/ Marten; No, I mean, instead of "my crazy" ex you'd have to be all "my ex whose emotional unavailability translated itself into passive-aggressive behavior to which I reacted in a defensive, codependent manner, eventually leading her to dump me for a dude with a Harley." / [[Faye pops in]]
/ Penelope; Or you could just say "my ex" instead of either of those two.
/ Penelope; Why even bother with the qualification?
/ Marten; I think you're making a bigger deal of this than it really is.
/ Faye; Well she IS crazy, remember? / Penelope; Dammit, I am NOT CRAZY!
/ Faye; That's just what I'd expect a CRAZY PERSON to say.
/ Dora; Penelope took the first set 6 to 4, but Faye has rallied and swept the second!
/ Dora; This is shaping up to an epic match, ladies and gentlemen!
/ Marten; I am 100% in favor of making those short little tennis skirts the new employee dress code. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=756 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Sounds like someone's had the "crazy ex-girlfriend" label applid to them before.
/ Ugh, yeah. I'm sorry, it just really gets my goat when people use "crazy" as a catch-all term.
/ Well, consider the alternative. / You mean people NOT being jackasses?
/ No, I mean, instead of "my crazy ex" you'd have to be all "my ex whose emotional unavailability translated itself into passive-aggressive behavior to which I reacted in a defensive, codependant manner, eventually leading her to dump me for a dude with a Harley." / Or you could just say "my ex" instead of either of those two. Why bother with the qualification?
/ I think you're making a bigger deal of this than it really is.
/ Well she IS crazy, remember? / Dammit, I am NOT CRAZY!
/ That's just what I'd expect a CRAZY PERSON to say.
/ Penelope took the first set 6 to 4, but Faye has rallied and swept the second! This is shaping up to be an epic match, ladies and gentlemen!
/ I am 100% in favor of making those short little tennis skirts the new employee dress code. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=756# |
| Number 757: Not Supported By Manufacturer | PANEL 1
/ Hannelore: Oh hey Pintsize. I'm running the vacuum, you might not want to come in just now.
/ Pintsize: No, that's good! I come bearing a peace offering.
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=757 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Hannelore: Oh hey Pintsize.
/ I'm running the vacuum, you might not want to come in just now.
/ Pintsize: No, that's good!
/ I come bearing a peace offering.
/ Roomba: < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=757# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Marten and Faye are walking up the stairs]]
/ Marten: Then what happened?
/ Faye: Well thats when I fell down the stairs.
/ Marten: How'd that break your sister's arm?
/ Faye: She was at the bottom of the stairs. / [[Marten and Faye are at the top of the landing, Pintsize and Winslow zoom past on a chariot hooked up to the roomba.]
/ Pintsize: Yah! Yah Mule!
/ Winslow: Weee
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=758 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Marten: Then what happened?
/ Faye: Well, that's when I fell down the stairs.
/ Marten: How'd that break your sister's arm?
/ Faye: She was at the bottom of the stairs. / Pintsize: Yah!
/ Yah mule!
/ Winslow: Wheeeee!
/ Roomba: < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=758# |
| Critcal Error | Marten: Hey, uh Hannelore? We found your wayward robots at the bottom of the stairwell. / Hannelore: Oh...oh God, you had to gather them up in a trash bag? They got smashed into their base components! I TOLD them that would happen, but they wouldn't listen and I tried to stop them but the chariot was really cute and Pintsize was so persuasive so I said "okay maybe on lap down the hallway and back" but I should have KNOWN better I am so SORRY! / Faye: Whoa, slow down there spazzypants! That's just garbage. The robots are recuperating on our couch.
/ Hannelore: G-garbage?
/ Marten: Yeah. We were gonna spread it all around your apartment, if that's okay with you. / Faye: You've been hanging out with me too much, Marty. That was mean.
/ Marten: I was just trying to distract her with humor!
/ Faye: Well, go get a toothpick. We're gonna have to find her hard-reset button. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=759 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Marten: Hey, uh, Hannelore?
/ We found your wayward robots at the bottom of the stairwell. / Hannelore: Oh...oh God, you had to gather them up in a trash bag?
/ They got smashed into their base components!
/ I TOLD them that would happen, but they wouldn't listen and I tried to stop them but the chariot was really cute and Pintsize was so persuasive so I said "okay maybe one lap down the hallway and back" but I should have KNOWN better I am so SORRY! / Faye: Whoa, slow down there spazzypants! That's just garbage.
/ The robots are recuperating on our couch.
/ Hannelore: G-garbage?
/ Marten: Yeah.
/ We were gonna spread it all around your apartment, if that's okay with you. / Faye: You've been hanging out with me too much, Marty.
/ That was mean.
/ Marten: I was just trying to distract her with humor!
/ Hannelore: < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=759# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[The same random turkey photo is used in all four panels, 1 & 2 in the foreground, 3 & 4 in the back.]] / Turkey 1: Daaaaamn, check out the ass on the one on the right!
/ Turkey 2: Hey, she IS pretty hot! Looks kinda like Faye from QC! / Turkey 1: You did not just compare a real-life lady to a fictional cartoon character.
/ Turkey 2: What's wrong with that? Faye is a representation of an attractive female archetype. / Turkey 1: Ugh, nevermind. I wanna go over and chat them up. Don't ruin it by being all "hurr do you girls read Questionable Content hurr" this time.
/ Turkey 2: What's wrong with that? QC is a good comic! Lots of people read it!
/ Turkey 1: It's a WEBCOMIC. You might as well just break out the Linux terminology right then and there because you're already waving a big banner that says "HELLO LADIES I'M A NERD"
/ Turkey 2: Whatever. You're just bitter 'cause J. Jacques didn't link that awful MS Paint comic you did for a year back in college. / Turkey 3: ACTUALLY WE DO READ QC BUT WE'RE LESBIANS
/ Turkey 4: ALSO I AM REALLY A PIGEON WITH A GROWTH DISORDER
/ Turkey 2: Oooh, girl's got issues, too. She really IS Faye-esque.
/ Turkey 1: I swear to god when the farmer comes to get you I'll help him cram in the stuffing myself. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=760 |
| Number 760: OMG Turkeys 2006 | [Frame 1: Two male turkeys in a field talking about two female turkeys on the upper left of the frame]
/ Turkey1: Daaaaamn, check out the ass on that one on the right
/ Turkey2: Hey, she IS pretty hot! Looks kinda like Faye from QC! / [Frame 2: Same Image]
/ Turkey1: You did not just compare a real-life lady to a fictional cartoon character.
/ Turkey2: What's wrong with that? Faye is a representation of an attractive female archetype. / [Frame 3: Same Image]
/ Turkey1: Ugh, nevermind. I wanna go over and chat them up. Don't ruin it by being all "hurr do you girls read Questionable Content hurrr" this time.
/ Turkey2: What's wrong with that? QC is a good comic! Lots of people read it!
/ Turkey1: It's a WEBCOMIC. You might as well just break out the Linux terminology right then and there because you're already waving a big banner that says "HELLO LADIES I AM A NERD"
/ Turkey2: Whatever. You're just bitter 'cuase J. Jacques didn't like that awful MS Paint comic you did for a year back in college. / [Frame 4: Same Image]
/ FemaleTurkey1: ACTUALLY WE DO READY QC BUT WE'RE LESBIANS
/ FemaleTurkey2: ALSO I AM REALLY A BIGEON WITH A GROWTH DISORDER
/ Turkey2: Oooh, girl's got issues, too. She really IS Faye-esque.
/ Turkey1: I swear to god when the farmer comes to get you I'll help him cram in the stuffing myself. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=760# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: Hey, how come your new boss never comes over to the coffee shop?
/ She should hang out with us.
/ Marten: Oh, uh I think she just has her own social circle. / Faye: An incestuous, drama-ridden social circle full of angst and furtive kisses, from what you've told me.
/ Marten: Yeah, and I doubt she needs TWO of those in her life. / Faye: Gasp! You've see me making out with Pintsize, haven't you?
/ Marten: Not "seen" so much as "heard."
/ I never knew a robot mouth could make such sloppy kissing noises. / Faye: Okay all jokes aside that is kind of a horrible mental image.
/ Marten: It haunts my dreams.
/ Pintsize: I don't have dreams, but I do have some lovingly-rendered computer animations that work just as well. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=761 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Number 761: Don't Tell Pizza Girl / Faye: Hey, how come your new boss never comes over to the coffee shop? She should hang out with us.
/ Marten: Oh, uh I think she just has her own social circle. / Faye: An incestuous drama-ridden social circle full of angst and furtive kisses, from what you've told me.
/ Marten: yeah, and i doubt she needs TWO of those in her life. / Faye: Gasp! you've seen me making out with Pintsize, haven't you!
/ Marten: Not "seen" so much as "heard." I never knew a robot mouth could make such sloppy kissing noises. / Faye: Okay, all jokes aside, that is kind of a horrible mental image.
/ Marten: It haunts my dreams.
/ Pintsize: I don't have dreams, but i do have some lovingly-rendered computer animations that work just as well. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=761# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Marten: So, uh, I was gonna go over to Dora's and watch a movie.
/ Faye: Oh, awesome!
/ Lemme get my coat and I'll come too. / Marten: Well uh, I meant...
/ Faye: I'm just kidding, dummy.
/ Go have fun with your lady.
/ I'll see you later.
/ Marten: Oh, heh, okay.
/ See ya. / Pintsize: What's wrong? Are you sad that Marten is going over to Dora's?
/ Faye: Not so much sad as jealous.
/ I wish I had someone to cuddle and watch movies with. / Sven: Spider sense...tingling!
/ Random Girl: No, that's my mint chapstick.
/ Sven: Oh.
/ Nevermind! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=762 |
| Number 762: Tingly | [[Marten and Faye's apartment]]
/ Marten: So, uh, I was gonna go over to Dora's and watch a movie.
/ Faye: Oh, awesome! Lemme get my coat and I'll come too. / Marten: Well uh, I meant...
/ Faye: I'm just kidding, dummy. Go have fun with our lady. I'll see you later.
/ Marten: Oh, heh, okay. See ya. / Pintsize: What's wrong? Are you sad that Marten is going over to Dora's?
/ Faye: Not sad so much as jealous. I wish I had someone to cuddle and watch movies with. / [[somewhere far away, Sven lays on a bed with a blonde girl wearing only a bra and panties leaning over him]]
/ Sven: Spider sense...tingling!
/ blonde-girl-who-is-not-pizza-girl: No, that's my mint chapstick.
/ Sven: Oh. Nevermind! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=762# |
| Watership Downey Jr. | Marten: Cute stuffed bunny.
/ Dora: That's Boo-Boo. I've had him since I was little. / Dora: Sven would always take Boo-Boo and hide him, 'cause he knew it made me really mad. So I'd have to figure out where he hid the bunny, take it back, and hide it myself so he couldn't steal it again.
/ Marten: This was when you were kids? / Dora: Oh no, the battle continues to this very day. Last time Sven snuck in here and kidnapped Boo-Boo I ended up breaking into his apartment at night and prying him from the sleeping arms of some bimbo who was using him as a pillow.
/ Marten: Oh man, your stuffed bunny leads a life of debauchery! / Dora: Yeah, later that week I found him doing a line of coke off a Barbie doll's ass. After he got out of rehab he went through a really creepy born-again phase, but now he's pretty much back to normal.
/ Marten: Haha, he'll be on Oprah next week, all terfully explaining how he hit rock bottom when the cops arrested him for soliciting an underage Bratz doll for sex. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=763 |
| Number 763: Watership Downey Jr. | [[Dora's very purple bedroom- Marten is already in bed, and holds up small stuffed bunny]]
/ Marten: Cute stuffed bunny.
/ Dora: That's Boo-Boo. I've had him since I was little. / [[Dora sits on the bed]]
/ Dora: Sven would always take Boo-Boo and hide him, 'cause he knew it made me really mad. So I'd have to figure out where he hid the bunny, take it back, and hide it myself so he couldn't steal it again.
/ Marten: This was when you were kids? / [[Dora is in bed, hugs Boo-Boo]]
/ Dora: Oh no, the battle continues to this very day. Last time Sven snuck in here and kidnapped Boo-Boo I ended up breakingn into his apartment at night and prying him from the sleeping arms of some bimbo who was using him as a pillow.
/ Marten: Oh man, your stuffed bunny leads a life of debauchery! / [[Dora cuddles up to Marten]]
/ Dora: Yeah, later that week I couaght him doing a line of coke off a Barbie doll's ass. After he got out of rehab he went through a really creepy born-again phase, but now he's pretty much back to normal.
/ Marten: Haha, he'll be on Oprah next week, all tearfully explaining how he hit rock bottom when the cops arrested him for soliciting an underage Bratz doll for sex. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=763# |
| Number 764: She Had To Ask | Raven: Whoa Dora, you look rough.
/ Dora: Marten slept over last night and kept me up for most of it. / Raven:Eeee! Details! I want details!
/ Dora: He snores. Aren't you SCANDALIZED?
/ Raven: Oh you're no fun. C'mon, what's he packin' downstairs? Spill the beans! / Penelope: Raven!
/ Dora: It's roughly the size of my forearm and fist, and about as dextrous.
/ Raven: Wow, that's.. impressive. Ow. / Penelope: You were exaggerating, right?
/ Dora: Of course I was.
/ Penelope: Thank goodness. I would've spent the rest of the day trying to figure out how he hides that thing in those tiny pants.
/ Dora: That's what Raven's doing right now.
/ Penelope: She's drawing a diagram on the blackboard. Is that calculus?
/ Dora: I can't decide if I should make her erase that before Marten comes in or not. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=764 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Number 764: She Had To Ask / [[Dora, Raven, Penelope in Coffee of Doom]]
/ Raven: Whoa Dora, you look rough.
/ Dora: Marten slept over last night and kept me up for most of it. / Raven: Eeee! Details! I want details!
/ Dora: He snores. Aren't you SCANDALIZED?
/ Raven: Oh you're no fun. C'mon, what's he packin' downstairs? Spill the beans! / Penelope: Raven!
/ Dora: It's roughly the size of my forearm and fist, and about as dextrous.
/ Raven: Wow, that's.. impressive. Ow. / [[Raven offscreen, Penelope whispering to Dora]]
/ Penelope: You were exaggerating, right?
/ Dora: Of course I was.
/ Penelope: Thank goodness. I would've spent the rest of the day trying to figure out how he hides that thing in those tight pants.
/ Dora: That's what Raven's doing right now.
/ Penelope: She's drawing a diagram on the blackboard. Is that calculus?
/ Dora: I can't decide if I should make her erase that before Marten comes in or not. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=764# |
| Number 765: Bring Binoculars Next Time | [[the library]]
/ Marten: Mornin' Tai
/ Tai: Hey Marten / Tai: So Bailey and I had "the talk" last night.
/ Marten: Ooh. How'd that go?
/ Tai: Well I finally broke down and cofessed my feelings for her, and she said she thought I was a total sweetheart but she just didn't feel the same way about me. / Marten: Ooh, ouch. I know how that goes.
/ Tai: Yeah...then I ended up getting drunk with Serena and Ashley, and one thing led to another and we, uh, kind of all hooked up.
/ Marten: Wow okay, nevermind. Idon't know how that goes.
/ Tai: I didn't either, before last night. / Marten: So you're happy with how it worked out, then?
/ Tai: Oh heck yeah! Threesomes are awesome. You should try it sometime!
/ Marten: No thanks. I went through enough trouble to land ONE girl. A bird in the hand's worth two in the bush, you know?
/ Tai: After last night, I feel like an ornithologist. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=765 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Marten: Mornin' Tai.
/ Tai: Hey Marten. / Tai: So Bailey and I had "the talk" last night.
/ Marten: Ooh. How'd that go?
/ Tai: Well I finally broke down and confessed my feelings for her, and she said she thought I was a total sweetheart but she just didn't feel the same way about me. / Marten: Ooh, ouch. I know how that goes.
/ Tai: Yeah...then I ended up getting drunk with Serena and Ashley, and one thing led to another and we, uh, kind of all hooked up.
/ Marten: Wow okay, nevermind. I don't know how that goes.
/ Tai: I didn't either, before last night. / Marten: So you're happy with how it worked out, then?
/ Tai: Oh heck yeah! Threesomes are awesome. You should try it sometime!
/ Marten: No thanks. I went through enough trouble to land ONE girl. A bird in the hand's worth two in the bush, you know?
/ Tai: After last night, I feel like an ornithologist. / {{title text: Number 765: Bring Binoculars Next Time}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=765# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Marten and Tai are working together in the library. Tai is reading as Marten is carrying a stack of books.]]
/ Marten: Whatcha readin'?
/ Tai: Oh, just some godawful romance novel. "Drusilla of Borehelm Manor," by Ritherford Wainwright Ashecrofte. / Marten: I wouldn't have figured you for the romance novel type.
/ Tai: I know, right? But I can't stop reading! It's so florid and overwrought, like a Meatloaf album in printed form. I mean, check out this passage: "Drusilla's ample bosoms, engorged with ill-concealed lust for the dashing young Lord Forwhyllyn, strained against her bustier like half-wild horses straining against their new master's bridle." / Marten: Huh. I think I know the guy who wrote that. It sounds really familiar.
/ Tai: Really? What's he like? Does he live in a castle and write all of his novels by candle-light with a crowquill pen? Frilly shirt half-unbuttoned, Fabio hair blowing in the chill evening breeze as he refiills his snifter of cognac? / Marten: More like a trailer, a manuscript consisting of bar napkins and toilet paper, filthy flannel shirt with missing buttons, passed out in a pool of Milwaukee's Best with the air conditioner dripping onto his dingy trucker hat.
/ Tai: Oh, man, that's even better. I should book him as a guest lecturer for my creative writing class.
/ Marten: That's a great idea. You know, I'm also friends with Kim Jong Il and I bet he'd LOVE to come lead an ethics roundtable. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=766 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Marten: Whatcha readin'?
/ Tai: Oh, just some godawful romance novel. "Drusilla of Borehelm Manor," by Rutherford Wainwright Ashecrofte. / Marten: I wouldn't have figured you for the romance-novel type.
/ Tai: I know, right? But I can't stop reading! It's so florid and overwrought, like a Meatloaf album in printed form.
/ Tai: I mean, check out this passage: "Drusilla's ample bosoms, engorged with ill-concealed lust for the dashing young Lord Forwhyllyn, strained against her bustier like half-wild horses straining against their new master's bridle." / Marten: Huh. I think I know the guy who wrote that. It sounds really familiar.
/ Tai: Really? What's he like? Does he live in a castle and write all of his novels by candle-light with a crowquill pen? Frilly shirt half-unbuttoned, Fabio hair blowing in the chill evening breeze as he refills his snifter of cognac? / Marten: More like a trailer, a manuscript consisting of bar napkins and toilet paper, filthy flannel shirt with missing buttons, passed out in a pool of Milwaukee's Best with the air conditioner dripping onto his dingy trucker hat.
/ Tai: Oh man, that's even better. I should book him as a guest lecturer for my creative writing class.
/ Marten: That's a great idea. You know, I'm also friends with Kim Jong Il and I bet he'd LOVE to come lead an ethics roundtable. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=766# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Argument Guy: Hey, where's the cranky brunette today?
/ Dora: Who, Faye? Sleeping in, probably. She's got the morning off.
/ Argument Guy: Oh. Well, crap, who am I supposed to get my daily dose of contrariness from then? / Dora: Don't look at me, I'm busy looking up diseases. Try Penelope over there.
/ Argument Guy: The new girl? I dunno... / Argument Guy: Um, hey. Can I get a cup of coffee?
/ Penelope: Sure. What size?
/ Argument Guy: Small?
/ Penelope: Sure. Cream and sugar?
/ Argument Guy: I, uh, no thanks. / Argument Guy: Augh, this isn't working! You're not even methadone to Faye's heroin. I gotta get my fix or the shakes will start!
/ Penelope: How about we use that other tried-and-true Faye maeuver and I bop you on the head with a carafe?
/ Dora: Hmm. WebMD doesn't say anything about concussions being used to treat addiction. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=767 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Argument Guy: Hey, where's the cranky brunette today?
/ Dora: Who, Faye? Sleeping in, probably. She's got the morning off.
/ Argument Guy: Oh. Well crap, who am I supposed to get my daily dose of contrariness from then? / Dora: Don't look at me, I'm busy looking up diseases. Try Penelope over there.
/ Argument Guy: The new girl? I dunno... / Argument Guy: Um, hey. Can I get a cup of coffee?
/ Penelope: Sure. What size?
/ Argument Guy: Small?
/ Penelope: Cream and sugar?
/ Argument Guy: I, uh, no thanks. / Argument Guy: Augh, this isn't working! You're not even methadone to Faye's heroin. I gotta get my fix or the shakes will start!
/ Penelope: How about we use that other tried-and-true Faye maneuver and I bop you on the head with a carafe?
/ Dora: Hmm. WebMD doesn't say anything about concussions being used to treat addiction. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=767# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Number 768: Idolatry
/ PANEL 1: Tai: So you really know the guy who wrote "Drusilla?" Marten: I think so. I drink at the same bar as him, if I'm not mistaken.
/ PANEL 2: Tai: Really? Do you think he'd be here tonight? Marten: He's as much of a fixture there as the bar's actual fixtures. Tai: Would you mind introducing him to me?
/ PANEL 3: Marten: I guess not, but I don't quite get your fascination. Tai: His book is trashy, poorly-written, incredibly sexist towards BOTH genders, and the most entertaining I've read all year. Why WOULDN'T I want to meet him? Marten: I dunno, it can be disappointing to realize your idols aren't all they're cracked up to be.
/ PANEL 4: Tai: From what you've told me, I'm expecting a slovenly redneck whose eyes will glaze over with disinterest the moment he sees I don't have much in the way of cleavage. Marten: Lack of cleavage might not faze him, depending on how drunk he is. One night I saw him hitting on the pinball machine. Tai: Oh, so he's more of a junk-in-the-trunk kind of guy? I don't have much goin' on down there either. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=768 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Tai: So you really know the guy who wrote "Drusilla?"
/ Marten: I think so. I drink at the same bar as him, if I'm not mistaken. / Tai: Really? Do you think he'd be there tonight?
/ Marten: He's as much of a fixture there as the bar's actual fixtures.
/ Tai: Would you mind introducing me to him? / Marten: I guess not, but I don't quite get your fascination.
/ Tai: His book is trashy, poorly-written, incredibly sexist towards BOTH genders, and the most entertaining thing I've read all year. Why WOULDN'T I want to meet him?
/ Marten: I dunno, it can be disappointing to realize your idols aren't all they're cracked up to be. / Tai: From what you've told me, I'm expecting a slovenly redneck whose eyes will glaze over with disinterest the moment he sees I don't have much in the way of cleavage.
/ Marten: Lack of cleavage might not faze him, depending on how drunk he is. One night I saw him hitting on the pinball machine.
/ Tai: Oh, so he's more of a junk-in-the-trunk kind of guy? I don't have much goin' on down there either. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=768# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{title text: Then The Left One}} / Dora: Howdy Faye.
/ Faye: Howdy yourself. Did I miss anything interesting this morning? / Dora: That dude who always comes in looking to pick a fight with you was here. He was really disappointed when you weren't around.
/ Faye: Ugh, THAT guy.
/ Penelope: I think he has a crush on you. / Faye: Ew! Ew ew ew no ew. Even if I were looking to date ANYONE, it certainly wouldn't be him.
/ Dora: I don't see why not. He's the one guy on earth who can actually hold his own against you.
/ Penelope: That's just it. She probably sees too much of herself in him. Opposites attract. / Dora: Well if that's the case, Faye's destined for spinsterhood. Pope John Paul II's been dead for a while now.
/ Penelope: He was pretty handsome for a religious leader. But then, it's be hard NOT to look good in one of those awesome pope-hats.
/ Faye: You know that old Christian saying "turn the other cheek?" Here's mine. Kiss it. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=769 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Dora: Howdy Faye.
/ Faye: Howdy yourself. Did I miss anything interesting this morning? / Dora: That dude who always comes in looking to pick a fight with you was here. He was really disappointed when you weren't around.
/ Faye: Ugh, THAT guy.
/ Penelope: I think he has a crush on you. / Faye: Ew! Ew ew ew no ew. Even if I were looking to date ANYONE, it certainly wouldn't be him.
/ Dora: I don't see why not. He's the one guy on earth who can actually hold his own against you.
/ Penelope: That's just it. She probably sees too much of herself in him. Opposites attract. / Dora: Well if that's the case, Faye's destined for spinsterhood. Pope John Paul II's been dead for awhile now.
/ Penelope: He was pretty handsome for a religious leader. But then, it'd be hard NOT to look good in one of those awesome pope-hats.
/ Faye: You know that old Christian saying, "turn the other cheek?" Here's mine. Kiss it. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=769# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Marten: Is it cool if I take my lunch break now?
/ Tai: Sure thing. You gonna go visit your ladyfriends at the coffee shop like usual? / Pintsize: I'd like to take this out, please.
/ Marten: Huh? Pintsize! / Marten: What are you doing here? And what have I told you about leaving the apartment without my permission?
/ Pintsize: I need research materials for an archaeology project I'm working on! / Marten: How is a collection of 19th-century pornography related to an "archaeology project"
/ Pintsize: It's the trilobite to our modern internet's superintelligent laser-squid!
/ Tai: That's not as good as the compendium of erotic telegrams we've got. "WHAT ARE YOU WEARING STOP." "ELEVEN LAYERS OF CLOTHING TO KEEP WARM STOP." "OH MAN THAT IS SO HOT STOP." http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=770 |
| Questionable Content: Number 770: Ironically, He Probably Could Have Found It On The Internet | [Meanwhile, at the campus library Martin and Tai stand at the checkout counter in conversation] / Martin: Is it cool if I take my break now? / Tai: Sure thing. You gonna go visit your ladyfriends at the coffe shop like usual? / [Pintsize arrives at the checkout counter holding a book] / Pintsize: I'd like to take this one out, please. / [Martin looks down in surprise, Tai looking over his shoulder] / Martin: Huh? Pintsize! / [Martin picks Pintsize up by the head and sets him on the counter.] / Martin: What are you doing here? And what have I told you about leaving the appartment without my permission? / [Martin looks as if he is scolding a child] / Pinsize: I need research materials for an archaeology project I'm working on! / [Martin looks at Pintsize's book with a look of shock] / Martin: How is a collection of 19th-Century Pornography related to a "archaeology project"? / Pintsize: It's the trilobite to our modern internet's superintelligent laser-squid! / [Tai looks at Martin with an amused expression] / Tai: That's not as good as the compendium of erotic telegrams we've gotten. "WHAT ARE YOU WEARING STOP." "ELEVEN LAYERS OF CLOTHING TO KEEP WARM STOP." "OH MAN THAT IS SO HOT STOP." http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=770# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Dora, Marten, and Faye at Coffee of Doom]]
/ Dora: Hey cutie. How's your day been so far?
/ Marten: Not bad. Wanna go to the bar when you get off work tonight?
/ Faye: Booze! Hooray! Yes. / Dora: What's the occasion?
/ Marten: My boss wants me to introduce her to Jimbo. She's a big fan of his book.
/ Faye: Did she hit her head recently?
/ Marten: I haven't ruled that out yet. / Marten: What's that you're erasing?
/ Dora: Nothing, nothing!
/ Faye: Hey Penny, you wanna come with us tonight?
/ Penny: Oh, um, I don't drink. / Faye: You don't drink, you don't smoke, you barely cuss. Do you have ANY vices?
/ Penny: Sometimes I cheat and skip boring passages during my nightly Bible study.
/ Dora: I've tried reading the Bible a bunch of times, but I always get bored and skip to Revelations.
/ Marten: I do the same thing with H.P. Lovecraft stories. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=771 |
| Number 771: Necronomicon 3:16 | Dora: Hey cutie. How's your day been so far?
/ Marten: Not bad. Wanna go to the bar when you get off work tonight?
/ Faye: Booze! Hooray! Yes. / Dora: What's the occasion?
/ Marten: My boss wants me to introduce her to Jimbo. She's a big fan of his book.
/ Faye: Did she hit her head recently?
/ Marten: I haven't ruled that out yet. / Marten: What's that you're erasing?
/ Dora: Nothing, nothing!
/ Faye: Hey Penny, you wanna come with us tonight?
/ Penelope: Oh, um, I don't drink. / Faye: You don't drink, you don't smoke, you barely cuss. Do you have ANY vices?
/ Penelope: Sometimes I cheat and skip boring passages during my nightly Bible study.
/ Dora: I've tried reading the Bible a bunch of times, but I always get bored and skip to Revelations.
/ Marten: I do the same thing with H.P. Lovecraft stories. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=771# |
| Questionable Content: Number 772: I Miss Sexy Losers | [[Dora, Martin, Faye and Blonde in the coffee shop]]
/ Dora: Mrrph. I steal your warmth. I am a warmth-vampire.
/ Martin: Gah, I can feel your hands through my hoodie!They're freezing! I've fucked corpses warmer than you! / Dora: Finally the truth about why you were fired from the morgue comes out!
/ Martin: Actually I was fired from the morgue for juggling heads. Specifically for juggling heads badly and making a mess on the floor. / Dora: So do you prefer your bodies rigid and rigor-mortisy, or do you like 'em floppy and limp?
/ Martin: I'll pretty much take whatever I can get. And who said anything about LADIES? / Dora: I love a man who can take a good corpse desecration joke and run with it.
/ Martin: It's a lot easier than taking a desecrated corpse and running with it. Those things are heavy!
/ Faye: At least they're not one of those nauseating cute couples.
/ Blonde: Just nauseating. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=772 |
| Number 772: I Miss Sexy Losers | Dora: Mrrph. I steal your warmth. I am warmth-vampire.
/ Marten: Gah, I can feel your hands through my hoodie! They're freezing! I've fucked corpses warmer than you! / Dora: Finally the truth about why you were fired from the morgue comes out!
/ Marten: Actually I was fired from the morgue for juggling heads. Specifically, for juggling heads badly and making a mess on the floor. / Dora: So do you prefer your ladies rigid and rigor-mortisy, or do you like 'em floppy and limp?
/ Marten: I'll pretty much take whatever I can get. And who said anything about ladies? / Dora: I love a man who can take a good corpse-desecration joke and run with it.
/ Marten: It's a lot easier than taking a desecrated corpse and running with it. Those things are heavy.
/ Faye: At least they're not one of those nauseatingly cute couples.
/ Penelope: Just nauseating. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=772# |
| Questionable Content number 773: What are the odds | Number 773: What are the odds
/ Tai: Your back! Right on time as usual. / Marten: I talked to Dora and Faye about the bar thing tonight is on for sure. / Tai: Hooray! Now if your author friend isnt there I can just hit on your girlfriend all night. / Marten: Hoo...hooray... / Tai: I'm just kidding dummy. I'd never hit on your woman. / Marten: Yeah well it's too late to say that now / Tai: How come? / Marten: Now when you meet Dora I'll totally know you're imagining her naked, and it'll be wierd. / Tai: You are aware that there are probably a bunch of people who have dated her before who've actually SEEN her naked, right? / Marten: I like to pretend those people were killed is seperate and increasingly unlikely skiing accidents. Avalanche into a minefield, polar bear with a sniper rifle, yeti with a penchant for devouring ex-boyfriends... http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=773 |
| Questionable Content Number 773: What Are The Odds | [[Marten and Tai are at the library Front Desk.]]
/ Tai: You're back! Right on time as usual.
/ Marten: I talked to Dora and Faye and the bar thing tonight is on for sure. / Tai: Hooray! Now if your author friend isn't there I can just hit on your girlfriend all night.
/ Marten: Hoo...hooray... / [[Sign on wall: Please Respect Your Fellow Students And Shut The Hell Up!]]
/ Tai: I'm just kidding, dummy. I'd never hit on your woman.
/ Marten: Yeah, welll, it's too late to say that now.
/ [[Tai punches Marten in the arm.]]
/ Tai: How come? / Marten: Now when you meet Dora I'll totally know you're imagining her naked and it'll be weird.
/ Tai: You are aware that there are probably a bunch of people who dated her before you who've actually SEEN her naked, right?
/ Marten: I like to pretend those people were killed in a series of seperate and increasingly unlikely skiing accidents. Avalance into a minefield, polar bear with a sniper rifle, yeti with a penchant for devouring ex-boyfriends... http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=773# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: That's like leaving a baby seal to manage a seal meat processing plant. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=774 |
| Questionable Content Number 774: Also Certain Webcomics | [[Dora, Faye, and Penelope are standing in the coffeeshop.]]
/ Dora: I'd like to run home and get changed before Marten comes back. Can you two handle things yourselves for a few minutes?
/ Faye: Sure thing. Have fun getting prettied up. / [[Dora leaves.]]
/ Faye: So are you coming with us tonight? I'm sure there's ginger ale or water or something non-alcoholic you could drink at the bar.
/ Penelope: M-maybe some other time. I've got plans tonight.
/ Faye: Ooh, plans! Date with a boy? Or are you just realphabetizing your bookshelf. / Penelope: What if I WAS just realphabetizing my bookshelf? Is that activity inherently INFERIOR to going on a date with someone? I get so SICK of people looking at me like I'm INSANE when I tell them I'm not dating anybody and not looking to. As if the entirety of my worth as a person is tied into whether I'm dating someone. And popular culture just reinforces this! TV shows that are medical dramas in name but really nothing more than sexy doctors kissing sexy nurses. Emo bands that obsess over breakups and glorify the self-pitying single guy. And the dating shows! Don't even get me STARTED on the dating shows. Everything is just one big subliminal message that says "if you are not in a relationship then your life is devoid of meaning." / Faye: My God, it all makes sense now. The entirety of our culture is a vast conspiracy manufactured by the diamond cartels. The DeBeers corporation has subverted humanity's genetic drive to reproduce so we'll buy more jewelry.
/ Penelope: That's what I keep trying to TELL people, but they always revert my edits to the DeBeers WikiPedia entry. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=774# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Marten: Ready to go?
/ Tai: Yep! / Marten: I should probably warn you, Faye can be kind of...abrasive. If she gives you a hard time, it's just her way of breaking the ice.
/ Tai: Whatever, I can take it. I'm tougher than I look. And I'm pretty tough looking! / Marten: If you say so...but Faye has a way of finding people's buttons and then pushing them for her own amusement.
/ Tai: If she's so mean-spirited, why are you guys friends with her?
/ Marten: She has her redeeming qualities.
/ Tai: Like what? / Marten: Damned if I know, but I assume she's got a few hidden somewhere. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.
/ Tai: How charitable of you.
/ Marten: Yep! If I give a hobo money and he uses it to buy booze, I just figure he must have something to celebrate. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=775 |
| Questionable Content Number 775: Goodwill To Men | [[Marten and Tai are in a dorm hallway.]]
/ Marten: Ready to go?
/ Tai: Yep! / [[Marten and Tai walk down the street.]]
/ Marten: I should probably warn you, Faye can be kind of... abrasive. If she gives you a hard time, it's just her way of breaking the ice.
/ Tai: Whatever, I can take it. I'm tougher than I look. And I'm pretty tough looking! / Marten: If you say so... but Faye has a way of finding people's buttons and then pushing them for her own amusement.
/ Tai: If she's so mean-spirited, why are you guys friends with her?
/ Marten: She has her redeeming qualities.
/ Tai: Like what? / Marten: Damned if I know, but I assume she's got a few hidden somewhere. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.
/ Tai: How charitable of you.
/ Marten: Yep! If I give a hobo money and he uses it to buy booze, I just figure he must have something to celebrate. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=775# |
| Number 776: Beware of Trucks | [[Marten and Tai enter Coffee of Doom]]
/ Dora: Hey sweetie. Why the long face?
/ Marten: We almost got hit by a truck walking over here!
/ Faye: If there's one thing Stephen King stories have taught me, it's that trucks are just waiting for the right moment to overthrow our civilization. / Marten: So, uh, ladies, this is my boss Tai. Tai, this is my girlfriend Dora and that's Faye.
/ Tai: Nice to meet you. / Dora: Omigod you are SO cute. I love adorable little butch girls!
/ Tai: Ow! My cheekth! / Dora: Can we keep her, Marten? Please?
/ Marten: I dunno, I'm not sure that you're ready for the responsibility of taking care of a little butch girl.
/ Dora: Pleeeeeease? I promise I'll feed her and brush her and take her for walks!
/ Tai: Hmm. Free room and board would mean I'd save on money and tuition...
/ Faye: Just don't let them get you fixed. You'd look really silly with one of those cone thingies around your neck. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=776 |
| Questionable Content Number 776: Beware Trucks | [[Marten and Tai enter the coffeeshop, greeted by Dora and Faye.]]
/ Dora: Hey sweetie. Why the long face?
/ Marten: We almost got hit by a truck walking over here!
/ Faye: If there's one thing Stephen King stories have taught me, it's that trucks are just waiting for the right moment to overthrow our civilization. / [[All four exit the coffeeshop and stand in front of the door. The Coffee of Doom sign is visible in the background.]]
/ Marten: So, uh, ladies, this is my boss Tai. Tai, this is my girlfriend Dora and that's Faye.
/ Tai: Nice to meet you. / Dora: Omigod you are SO cute. I love adorable little butch girls!
/ Tai: Ow! My cheekth! / Dora: Can we keep her, Marten? Please?
/ Marten: i dunno, I'm not sure you're ready for the responsibility of taking care of a little butch girl.
/ Dora: Pleeeeeease? I promise I'll feed her and brush her and take her for walks!
/ Tai: Hmm. Free room and board would mean I'd save money on tuition...
/ Faye: Just don't let them get you fixed. You'd look really silly with one of those cone thingies around your neck. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=776# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | marten: Well, here we are.
/ tai: Is your friend here?
/ dora: Word of advice: avoid the ladies' room, unless you enjoy making small talk with a rat while you pee.
/ faye: Hey, don't make fun of that rat! He and I had a lovely discussion about Lou Barlow last time i was in there. / marten: Hey Jimbo, wake up! I've got someone who wants to meet you. she's a big fan of yours!
/ jimbo: Fuzsh huh wha... / tai: Hi, my name's Tai and I LOVED "drusilla of Borehelm Manor.
/ jimbo: Wait, what? you LIKED it?
/ tai: It's the best thing I've read all year. I'd be honored if you'd come give a talk to the creative writing call I TA. I think we could all learn a lot from you. / jimbo: I'd like to say yes, but my agent says I ain't allowed to make any more business decisions while I'm drunk.
/ marten: Uh oh. What happened last time you did?
/ jimbo: All's I know is we went to a literary convention, I started drinkin', and next thing I know is my agent's drivin' like a bat outta hell with me hid in the trunk and I ain't allowed in Canada ever again.
/ tai: Gonzo romance-novelizing! Hunter S. Thompson would be proud. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=777 |
| Questionable Content Number 777: We May Never Know | [[Marten, Dora, Faye, and Tai arrive at the bar.]]
/ Marten: Well, here we are.
/ Tai: Is your friend here?
/ Dora: Word of advice: avoid the ladies' room, unless you enjoy making small talk with a rat while you pee.
/ faye: Hey, don't make fun of that rat! He and I had a lovely discussion about Lou Barlow last time I was in there. / [[Marten and Tai step up to Jimbo, who is slumped over at the bar with two empty shot glasses and two empty beer glasses in front of him. Sign on the wall: Beer is Good.]]
/ Marten: Hey Jimbo, wake up! I've got someone who wants to meet you. She's a big fan of yours!
/ Jimbo: Fuzsh huh wha... / Tai: hi, my name's Tai and I LOVED "Drusilla of Borehelm Manor."
/ [[Drunk bubbles float around Jimbo's words.]]
/ Jimbo: Wait, what? You LIKED it?
/ Tai: It's the best thing I've read all year. I'd be honored if you'd come give a talk to the creative writing class I TA. I think we could all learn a lot from you. / Jimbo: I'd like to say yes, but my agent says I ain't allowed to make any more business decisions while I'm drunk.
/ Marten: Uh oh. What happened last time you did?
/ Jimbo: All's I know is we went to a literary convention, I started drinkin', and next thing I know is my agent's drivin' like a bat outta hell with me hid in the trunk and I ain't allowed in Canada ever again.
/ [[Tai clasps her hands in excitement.]]
/ Tai: Gonzo romance-novelizing! Hunter S. Thompson would be proud. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=777# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: Aren't you gonna go sit with your boyfriend at the bar?
/ Dora: And take the chance of Jimbo-stench rubbing off on me? No thanks. Besides, somebody has to be around to keep an eye on you as you drown your sorrows. / Faye: I am a qualified sorrow-lifeguard. I don't need no beach patrol.
/ Dora: Well, I'd like to just hang out with you anyway, 'cause, well, I...I figure if I'm a good enough friend maybe it'll make up for me stealing Marten from you and you'll forgive me. / Faye: Oh for Christ's sake. You're STILL worrying about that?
/ Dora: Y-yeah...
/ Faye: Honey, look. Maybe some other girl would still be pissed at you for that, but I'm not some other girl. Compared to all the crap I put Marty through, you two shackin' up sooner than I expected is nothin' in the long run. He's a good person, he deserves to be happy, and you seem to be doing that for him. I want to be you guys' friend, not maintain some stupid grudge for no reason. / Dora: I...thank you, Faye. I still can't believe how kind you're being about all this.
/ Faye: Screw kindness, I'm just sick of having to listen to you whine about feeling guilty. I swear, it's like being force-fed the "friends-only" LiveJournal entries of a fifteen year old girl.
/ Dora: And out come the snarky insults. You're the Martina Navratilova of backhanded sincerity.
/ Faye: Pete Sampras would be a better comparison. It's been a couple days since I shaved my legs. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=778 |
| Questionable Content Number 778: The Horse Is Dead, Dora | [[Dora and Faye are at a table in the bar. Sign on wall: No Friggin' Smoking]]
/ Faye: Aren't you gonna go sit with your boyfriend at the bar?
/ Dora: And take the chance of Jimbo-stench rubbing off on me? No thanks. Besides, somebody has to be around to keep an eye on you as you drown your sorrows. / Faye: I am a qualified sorrow-lifeguard. I don't need no beach patrol.
/ Dora: Well, I'd like to just hang out with you anyway, 'cause, well, I... I figure if I'm a good enough friend maybe it'll make up for me stealing Marten from you and you'll forgive me. / Faye: Of for Christ's sake. You're STILL worrying about that?
/ Dora: Y-yeah...
/ Faye: Honey, look. Maybe some other girl would still be pissed at you for that, but I'm not some other girl. Compared to all the crap I put Marty through, you two shackin' up sooner than I expected is nothin' in the long run. He's a good person, he deserves to be happy, and you seem to be doing that for him. I want to be you guys' friends, not maintain some stupid grudge for no reason. / Dora: I... thank you, Faye. I still can't believe how kind you're being about all this.
/ Faye: Screw kindness, I'm just sick of having to listen to you whine about feeling guilty. I swear, it's like being force-fed the "friends-only" LiveJournal entries of a fifteen year old girl.
/ Dora: And out come the snarky insults. You're the Martina Navratilova of backhanded sincerity.
/ Faye: Pete Sampras would be a better comparison. It's been a couple days since I shaved my legs. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=778# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Issue 779: Serendipitous Timing}} / Panel 1:
/ [[Faye and Dora sit at a table in the bar. Marten walks up. There is a sign that reads "No Friggin' Smoking."]]
/ Faye: Hey Marty. Where's Tai an' Jimbo?
/ Marten: They're still over at the bar talkin' about which Bronte sister they think would be the best in bed.
/ Dora: Why settle for one when you could score all three? / Panel 2:
/ Marten: Sounds like you've had some drinks in my absence too.
/ Dora: We're bonding! Girl-time. It's like a Lifetime Original Movie denouement over here.
/ Faye: Only as far as we know you're not a child-molesting alcoholic who beats Dora when she burns dinner.
/ Marten: Not last time I checked, no. / Panel 3:
/ [[Marten begins walking away.]]
/ Marten: All right, I'll leave you ladies to your bonding and try to reinsert myself in the no-doubt-bewildering literary discourse taking place at the bar.
/ Faye: I'll keep an eye on your lady-friend here and make sure she doesn't drink herself into a drunken stupor.
/ Dora: I hope the irony of what you just said isn't lost on everyone but me. / Panel 4:
/ [[Argument Guy walks up.]]
/ Faye: Oh yeah, it's SOOO ironic because I'm SUCH a lush. "Watch out or Faye'll drink too much and end up bangin' some random dude she met at the bar! That's soooo likely to happen!"
/ Argument Guy: And that's my cue to come say hello!
/ Dora: And that's MY cue to go to the ladies' room so I don't have to be a witness to a murder! http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=779 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: Hey Marty. Where's Tai an' Jimbo?
/ Marten: They're still over at the bar talkin' about which Bronte sister they think would be the best in bed.
/ Dora: Why settle for one when you could score all three? / Marten: Sounds like you've had some drinks in my absence too.
/ Dora: We're bonding! Girl-time. It's like a Lifetime Original Movie denouement over here.
/ Faye: Only as far as we know you're not a child-molesting alcoholic who beats Dora when she burns dinner.
/ Marten: Not last time I check, no. / Marten: All right, I'll leave you ladies to your bonding and try to reinsert myself in the no-doubt-bewildering literary discourse taking place at the bar.
/ Faye: I'll keep an eye on your lady-friend here and make sure she doesn't drink herself into a drunken stupor.
/ Dora: I hope the irony of what you just said isn't lost on everyone but me. / Faye: Oh yeah, it's SOOO ironic because I'm SUCH a lush. "Watch out or Faye'll drink too much and end up bangin' some random dude she met at the bar! That's soooo likely to happen!"
/ Sleazey guy: And that's my cue to come say hello!
/ Dora: And that's MY cue to go to the ladies' room so I don't have to be a witness to a murder! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=779 |
| Questionable Content Number 779: Serendipitous Timing | [[Marten steps up to the table where Dora and Faye are sitting and drinking. Sign on wall: No Friggin' Smoking.]]
/ Faye: Hey Marty. Where's Tai an' Jimbo?
/ Marten: They're still over at the bar talkin' about which Bronte sister they think would be the best in bed.
/ Dora: Why settle for one when you could score all three? / Marten: Sounds like you've had some drinks in my absence too.
/ Dora: We're bonding! girl-time. I'ts like a Lifetime Original Movie denouement over here.
/ Faye: Only as far as we know you're not a child-molesting alcoholic who beats Dora when she burns dinner.
/ Marten: Not last time I checked, no. / Marten: All right, I'll leave you ladies to your bonding and try to reinsert myself in the no-doubt-bewildering literary discourse taking place at the bar.
/ [[Marten waves and leaves.]]
/ Faye: i'll keep an eye on your lady-friend here and make sure she doesn't drink herself into a drunken stupor.
/ Dora: I hope the irony of what you just said isn't lost on everyone but me. / Faye: Oh yeah, it's SOOO ironic because I'm SUCH a lush. "Watch out or Faye'll drink too much and end up bangin' some random dude she met at the bar! That's soooo likely to happen!"
/ [[Argument Guy steps up to the table.]]
/ Argument Guy: And that's my cue to come say hello!
/ Dora: And that's MY cue to go to the ladies' room so I don't have to be a witness to a murder! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=779# |
| Number 780: Fighting An Uphill Battle | Faye: Oh Christ, what are YOU doing here?
/ Scott McCloud: ...Said Peter to Jesus when he showed up after the crucifixion. I happen to be getting a drink, much the same as yourself. Thought I'd come over and say hi. / Faye: You've said hi. Now take your drink and quit bothering me. I'm not on the clock.
/ Scott: Oh come on, I know you enjoy matching wits with me at the coffee shop. / Faye: Or maybe you're too stupid and self-centered to realize that I don't.
/ Scott: I probably am, but you'd be amazed how far that will get you in life. / Faye: Well it ain't gettin' you any further with me. I suggest you leave me be, unless you want me goin' all Patrick Swayze on your ass and flingin' you through a plate-glass window.
/ Scott: I don' think this place HAS any plate-glass windows.
/ Faye: I'll drag you down the street until we find some. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=780 |
| Questionable Content Number 780: Fighting An Uphill Battle | [[Argument Guy approaches Faye in the bar.]]
/ Faye: Oh Christ, what are YOU doing here?
/ Argument Guy: ...Said Peter to Jesus when he showed up after the crucifixion. I happen to be getting a drink, much the same as yourself. Thought I'd come over and say hi. / Faye: So you've said hi. Now take your your drink and quit bothering me. I'm not on the clock.
/ Argument Guy: Oh come on, I know you enjoy matching wits with me at the coffee shop. / [[Beer poster on wall: Sam Adams Was A Pretty Okay Dude]]
/ Faye: Or maybe you're too stupid and self-centered to realize that I don't.
/ Argument Guy: I probably am, but you'd be amazed how far that will get you in life. / Faye: Well it ain't gettin' you any further with me. I suggest you leave me be, unless you want me goin' all Patrick Swayze on your ass and flingin' you through a plate-glass window.
/ Argument Guy: I don't think this place HAS any plate-glass windows.
/ Faye: I'll drag you down the street until we find some. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=780# |
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