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| Number 571: Juanita Was His Favorite | Faye: Well, off to work I go.
/ Martyn: Promise you and Dora won't murder each other?
/ Faye: If I don't get some espresso in me within the next ten minutes I cannot be held responsible for my actions.
/ Martyn: Fair enough. I'll see you later. / Faye: Hey, Marty...I think I'm gonna go home for a couple of days. I found a relatively cheap flight to Savannah for tomorrow morning.
/ Martyn: Is this because of what went down last night? / Faye: Well aren't we being assertive all of a sudden! Yeah, I decided this last night while I was talking to Dora. I just need a couple of days to regroup, and you two need couple days without me meddling in your affairs anyway.
/ Martyn: Okay, but you're...you're coming back, right?
/ Faye: Yeah, I'll come back. I promise. / Pintsize: Ooh, you're going to Savannah? Take me with you!
/ Faye: No way. Sherman didn't burn the city and I'm not gonna let you do it either.
/ Martyn: Where have you been lately anyway, Pintsize?
/ Pintsize: Mexico. At least, I think it was Mexico. All of the strippers had Spanish-sounding names, and I'm pretty sure you can't do some of their party tricks legally in the US. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=571 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Marten and Faye's apartment, early morning]]
/ Faye: Well, off to work I go.
/ Marten: Promise you and Dora won't murder each other?
/ Faye: If I don't get some espresso in me within the next ten minutes I cannot be held responsible for my actions.
/ Marten: Fair enough. I'll see you later. / Faye: Hey Marty...I think I'm gonna go home for a couple days. I found a relatively cheap flight to Savannah for tomorrow morning.
/ Marten: Is this because of what went down last night? / Faye: Well aren't we being assertive all of a sudden! Yeah, I decided this last night while I was talking to Dora. I just need a couple days to regroup, and you two need a couple days without me meddling in your affairs anyway.
/ Martin: Okay, but you're...you're coming back, right?
/ Faye: Yeah, I'll come back. I promise. / Pintsize: Ooh, you're going to Savannah? Take me with you!
/ Faye: No way. Sherman didn't burn the city and I'm not gonna let you do it either.
/ Martin: Where have you been lately anyway, Pintsize?
/ Pintsize: Mexico. At least, I think it was Mexico. All of the strippers had Spanish-sounding names, and I'm pretty sure you can't do some of their party tricks legally in the US. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=571# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Dora and Raven are inside the coffee shop]] / Dora: Hmm hmm hmm, laa lee loo
/ Raven: You're sure in a cheerful mood this morning. / {{Dora is clearly smiling}}
/ Dora: Marten likes me. I kissed him last night.
/ Raven: Omigod omigod omigod! Hooray for you! / Raven: Wait, does Faye know? She'll kill you if she finds out. We have to keep this on the down low for now.
/ Dora: She already knows, and she's not going to kill me. / Raven: How do you know for sure? Maybe she's just playing it cool, and then when you least expect it, WHAM! Full coffee pot to the back of the head.
/ Raven: ...Why are you looking at me like that?
/ Dora: I'm trying to decide whether you'd make a better human shield or club with which to defend myself.
/ Raven: Either way, I get a raise. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=572 |
| Questionable Content: Number 572: The Pragmatist | {{Number 572: The Pragmatist}} / [[In Coffee of Doom, behind the counter. Dora is drying up and humming.]] / DORA: Hmm hmm hmm, laa lee loo
/ RAVEN: You're sure in a cheerful mood this morning / DORA: Marten likes me. I kissed him last night.
/ RAVEN: Omigod omigod omigod! Hooray for you! / RAVEN: Wait, does Faye know? She'll kill you if she finds out. We have to keep this on the down low for now.
/ DORA: She already knows and she's not going to kill me / RAVEN: How do you know for sure? Maybe she's just playing it cool, and then when you least expect it, WHAM! Full coffee pot to the back of the head. ...Why are you looking at me like that?
/ DORA: I;m trying to decide whether you'd make a better human shield or club with which to defend myself.
/ RAVEN: Either way, I get a raise. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=572# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Marten is sitting in his couch, Pintsize is standing next to him]]
/ Pintsize: How come you're just slouching around the house today? You usually head over to the coffee shop by now.
/ Marten: I can't decide whether to go over there or not. / [[Marten stands up from the couch]]
/ Pintsize: Why?
/ Marten: Well if Dora and I are kind of a "thing" now I want to giver her her space, you know? And also since Faye is there it might be kind of awkward. / [[Pintsize searches for something on the couch]]
/ Pintsize: Wouldn't Dora want to see you MORE now that you've exchanged saliva?
/ Marten: Well yeah, but...gah, I'm totally overthinking this. I should just go over there. / [[Pintsize shows condom to Marten]]
/ Pintsize: Don't forget to bring one of these with you.
/ Marten: Dude I'm not going to have sex AT THE COFFEE SHOP. And why are there condoms in the couch, anyway?
/ Pintsize: It's my personal supply!
/ Marten: Why do you have a.. no, you know what, nevermind. I don't want to know.
/ Marten: Does that say "spermicidal lubricant"? What the hell ass? http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=573 |
| Questionable Content: Number 573: Just In Case | {{Number 573: Just In Case}} / [[Faye and Marten's new apartment. Marten is sitting on the couch, Pintsize is perched on the edge.]] / PINTSIZE: How come you're just slouching around the house today? You usually head over to the coffee shop by now.
/ MARTEN: I can't decide whether to go over there or not. / PINTSIZE: Why?
/ MARTEN: [[stands us]] Well if Dora and I kind of are a "thing" now I want to give her her space you know? And also since Faye is there it might be kinda awkward. / PINTSIZE: Wouldn't Dora want to see you MORE now that you've exchanged saliva [[rummaging behind the couch cushions]]
/ MARTEN: WEll yeah, but...gah, I'm totally overthinking this. I should just go over there. / PINTSIZE: Don't forget to bring one of these with you [[holding out a condom]]
/ MARTEN: Dude I'm not going to have sex AT THE COFFEE SHOP. And why are there condoms in the couch anyway?
/ PINTSIZE: It's my personal supply!
/ MARTEN: Why do you have a...no, you know what, nevermind. I don't want to know.
/ Does that say "spermicidal lubricant"? What the HELL ass? http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=573# |
| Questionable Content | [[at Coffee of Doom]]
/ Dora: Howdy Faye.
/ Faye: Grar. / Dora: Here, I made you a quadruple-espresso latte monstrosity. Figured you'd be tired after last night.
/ Faye: I'm going to say "grar" again, only this time it is a happy grar. Grar! / Dora: So are we still friends, or did you decide you hate me after all?
/ Faye [[as she sips her latte]]: We're still friendzorz, but our relationship will be severely strained if I have to watch you and Marten make sloppy kisses. Blech.
/ Dora: Hah. You're really something else, Faye. I don't know if I'd be able to handle this situation as graciously if I were in your shoes. / Faye: I'm trying to build up some good karma. I figure if I sign off on you and Marty being together, maybe one day that hot bassist dude in Interpol will wander in here, mysteriously devoid of pants.
/ Dora: Wait, so you can't handle a relationship with a guy you know really well, but you'd bang a dude who has probably slept with the entire female population of Manhattan?
/ Faye: Who said anything about banging? I'd just ogle him so hard he'd burst into flame. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=574 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Number 574: A Common Fantasy}} / [[Interior "Coffee of Doom". Faye enters to find Dora behind the counter.]]
/ [[Some of the blackboard can be read. Specials. Quadruple. Carnivor. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=574# |
| Questionable Content Number 575: And the Friedbergers Won a Tony | Marten (stooped by the corner of a house): Hey guys.
/ Steve (with girlfriend): Hey dude! What's up? I got your message, we were about to go get some food.
/ Ellen: Hi Marten! / Steve: So how are you doin', buddy? Any more earth-shattering revelations from one of your coffee-slinging ladyfriends?
/ Marten: Yeah, there've been a couple. / Steve (pushing Marten by the shoulders towards the house): Quick, we've gotta get him sinde, before bluebirds spontaneously land on his shoulders and he breaks into song. This is how musicals get started.
/ Ellen: Aww, but I like musicals!
/ Marten: My musical would be written and scored by the Fiery Furnaces. It would be nigh-incomprehensible. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=575 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Number 575: And Then The Friedburgers Won A Tony}} / [[Exterior. Marten sits on the sidewalk as Steve and Ellen walk up. Ellen waves at Marten.]]
/ Marten: Hey guys.
/ Steve: Hey dude! What's up? I just got your message, we were about to get some food.
/ Ellen: Hi Marten! / [[Marten stands. Cell close-up of Marten and Steve. Marten his back to Steve.]]
/ Steve: So how are you doin', buddy? Any more earth-shattering revelations from one of your coffee-slinging ladyfriends?
/ Marten: Yeah, there've been a couple. / [[Cell pans out to include Ellen. Steve points at Marten. Ellen leans towards Steve.]]
/ Steve: Oh my God, he's got The Smile.
/ Ellen: "The Smile"?
/ Steve: The special facial expression only wore by a dude who has recently had positive lady-developments in his life. All dudes can recognize The Smile. / [[Steve grabs Marten's shoulders, as if to guid him inside. Steve turns his head toward Ellen.]]
/ Steve: Quick, we've got to get him inside, before bluebirds spontaneously land his shoulders and he breaks into song. This is how musicals get started.
/ Ellen: Aww, but I like musicals!
/ Marten: My musical would be written and scored by the Firey Furnaces. It would be nigh-incomprehensible. / {{Copyright 2003-2006 J. Jacques}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=575# |
| Questionable Content: Thwarted by the Great Wall | [[Coffee Shop of Doom]]
/ Faye: Blah, five-thirty and still no sign of Marty. This is all your fault.
/ Dora: My fault?
/ Faye: If you hadn't been all "MLAH LET'S MAKE KISSES BLAH" he'd be hanging out here like usual. / Dora: I think it's kind of sweet of him. He's just trying to avoid awkwardness, for everyone's sake. He's such a nice boy.
/ Faye: Hmph. This is why I don't like change. It changes things. / Dora: No offense Faye, but if you hadn't given him the whole "we can't be more than friends" talk, none of this would have happened. At least not so soon, anyway. You initiated this change.
/ Faye: Yeah I know. See, this is why I'm so goddamned crazy. I want you and Marty to be happy and stuff, I really do. But I also totally want to punch your lungs out the back of you ribcage!
/ Faye: And at the same time, I also just want everyting to be okay so we can all hang out and be sassy like we used to. / [[Dora pats Faye's head]]
/ Dora: It'd be hard for us all to hang out like usual if I were dead from explosive lung-punching.
/ Faye: Ugh, I know. Life would be so much simpler if violence really was a good way of solving problems. I wasn't meant to be a young lady of the 21st century, I was meant to be a Mongol warlord.
/ Dora: Genghis Khan would've been totally emo over you. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=576 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Number 576: Thwarted By The Great Wall}} / [[Interior: Coffee of Doom. Faye sits behind the counter, leaning forward, her arms crossed on the counter top, and her head resting on her arms. Dora is reclined in a chair, her feet up on the counter top, and her hands behind her head.]]
/ Faye: Blah, five-thirty and still no sign of Marty. This is all your fault.
/ Dora: My fault?
/ Faye: If you hadn't been all "MLAH LET'S MAKE KISSES BLAH" he'd be hanging out here like usual. / [[Faye sits up, brings her knees to her chest, and rests her left arm on her knees. Dora stands, stretching her back.]]
/ Dora: I think it's kind of sweet of him. He's just trying to avoid awkwardness for everyone's sake. He's such a nice boy.
/ Faye: Hmph. This is why I don't like change. It changes things. / [[Dora turns to Faye with a concerned look. Faye rests her head on her left fist, gesturing with her right.]]
/ Dora: No offense Faye, but if you hadn't given him the whole "we can't be more than friends" talk, none of this would have happened. At least not so soon, anyway. You initiated this change.
/ Faye: Yeah I know. See, this is why I'm so goddamned crazy. I want you and Marty to be happy and stuff, I really do. But I also totally want to punch your lungs out the back of your ribcage!
/ Faye: And at the same time, I also just want everything to be okay so we can all hang out and be sassy like we used to. / [[Faye turns slightly away from Dora, looking towards the ground. Dora smiles and puts her hand on the back of Faye's head, comforting her.]]
/ Dora: It'd be hard for us all to hang out like usual if I were dead from explosive lung-punching.
/ Faye: Ugh, I know. Life would be so much simpler if violence really was a good way of solving problems. I wasn't meant to be a young lady of the 21st century, I was meant to be a Mongol warlord.
/ Dora: Genghis Khan would've been totally emo over you. / {{Copyright 2003-2006 J.Jacques}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=576# |
| The Dallas Cop-Out | Oh man, so you get smooched by Dora AND Faye didn't make kebabs out of your man-tackle?
/ Hell of a win, dude. Hell of a win.
/ I'm so happy for you!
/ You totally deserve it.
/ Yeah I mean it's a little early to dance a jig but it's pretty cool. / Let's go over to Coffee of Doom and celebrate!
/ Whoa whoa whoa, hang on.
/ Marten can't go in there right now.
/ He's gotta give Dora a day or two of space.
/ Not to mention the fact that I dont think Faye would be too thrilled to see us so much as make eye contact right now. / This is a delicate situation right now.
/ Dude's gotta step gingerly, you know?
/ Aw poop, that's no fun. / The only bad part is that I keep waiting for a piano to fall on my head or a truck to hit me or something.
/ I'm not used to things actually going my way.
/ I keep waiting for the karmic punchline. / ...And then he woke up, and realized that it was all a dream.
/ Goddammit dude that is not funny!
/ If you're dreaming, you have the most masochistic subconscious ever. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=577 |
| 577: The Dallas Cop-Out | Steve: Oh man, so you get smooched by Dora AND Faye didn't make kebabs out of your man-tackle? Hell of win, dude. Hell of win.
/ Ellen: I'm so happy for you! You totally deserve it.
/ Marten: Yeah I mean it's a little early to dance a jig but it's pretty cool. / Ellen: Let's go over to Coffee of Doom and celebrate!
/ Steve: Whoa whoa whoa, hang on. Marten can't go in there right now. He's gotta give Dora a day or two of space.
/ Marten: Not to mention the fact that I don't think Faye would be too thrilled to see us so much as make eye contact right now. / Steve: This is a delicate situation right now. Dude's gotta step gingerly, you know?
/ Ellen: Aw poop, that's no fun.
/ Marten: The only bad part is I keep waiting for a piano to fall on my head or a truck to hit me or something. I'm not used to things actually going my way. I keep waiting for the karmic punchline. / Steve: ...And then he woke up, and realized it was all a dream.
/ Marten: Goddamnit dude that is not funny!
/ Ellen: If you're dreaming, you have the most masochistic subconscious ever. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=577# |
| Number 578: It Was An Accident, He Swears | Marten: No way man, I'm telling you. David Bowie's Outside has a depth to it that Nine Inch Nails only ever pretended to possess.
/ Steve: Whatever. I still say it's Reznor-lite for the yuppie set.
/ Ellen: I played Ziggy Stardust for the dolphins once. They just started laughing. / Marten: Man I hope that doesn't become an issue with Dora. What if she can't stand my musical taste? I mean, I know she likes the Flaming Lips, but we don't really have a lot in common musically.
/ Steve: Dude that is not something you need to worry about. / Steve: Musical taste has pretty much no bearing on whether a relationship will work. I mean, look at us. Ellen listens to They Might Be Giants and Ben Folds. Ben "I'm a goddamned piano-playing ninny" Folds! But we still get along fine.
/ Ellen: And you listen to grown men mewling like children while beating tom-toms and playing $10 Casio keyboards. I swear, you ever put that Animal Collective record on while we're making out again, and I'll chemically castrate you. / Marten: Oh yeah, this bodes EXTREMELY well for my burgeoning relationship.
/ Steve: No, see, you're missing the point. If the most you have to argue about with your significant other is musical preference, then you've got it pretty good!
/ Ellen: The most we have to argue about is where you "accidentally" tried to stick Lil' Stevie the other night, but that's not conversation for polite company. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=578 |
| 578: It Was an Accident, He Swears | Marten: No way man, I’m telling you. David Bowie’s Outside has a depth to it that Nine Inch Nails only ever pretended to posess.
/ Steve: Whatever. I still say it’s Reznor-lite for the yuppie set.
/ Ellen: I played Ziggy Stardust for the dolphins once. They just started laughing. / Marten: Man I hope that doesn’t become an issue with Dora. What if she can’t stand my musical taste? I mean, I know she likes the Flaming Lips, but we don’t really have a lot in common musically.
/ Steve: Dude that is not something you need to worry about. / Steve: Musical taste has pretty much no bearing on whether a relationship will work. I mean, look at us. Ellen listens to They Might Be Giants and Ben Folds. Ben “I’m a goddamned piano-playing ninny” Folds! But we still get along fine!
/ Ellen: And you listen to grown men mewling like children while beating tom-toms and playing $10 Casio keyboards. I swear, you ever put that Animal Collective record on while we’re making out again, and I’ll chemically castrate you. / Marten: Oh yeah, this bodes EXTREMELY well for my burgeoning relationship.
/ Steve: No, see, you’re missing the point. If the most you have to argue about with your significant other is musical preference, then you’ve got it pretty good!
/ Ellen: The most we have to argue about it where you “accidentally” tried to stick Lil’ Stevie the other night, but that’s not conversation for polite company. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=578# |
| Nice One, Raven | Faye: Well, my shift's up.
/ Dora: When's your flight leaving tomorrow?
/ Faye: Early, not quite a red-eye, but definitely a pink-eye.
/ Dora: Make sure you wash your hands then. / Faye: You're sure you can run things here okay while I'm gone?
/ Dora: We'll have to step up the beatings and intimidation a bit, but I think we can manage. / Faye: < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=579 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: Well, my shift's up.
/ Dora: When's your flight leaving tomorrow?
/ Faye: Early. Not quite a red-eye, but definitely a pink-eye.
/ Dora: Make sure you wash your hands then. / [[Faye leans on counter]]
/ Faye: You're sure you can run things here okay while I'm gone?
/ Dora: We'll have to step up the beatings and intimidation a bit, but I think we can manage. / Faye: Take good care of Marty for me.
/ [[Faye punches Dora on the arm]]
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=579# |
| Number 580: Always Stretch Before You Exercise | Faye: Hey Marty. Where've you been all evening?
/ Marten: I went out to dinner with Steve and Ellen and then played video games at Steve's place for a while. / Faye: Well now that you're home I'm going to bed. The taxi's coming hella early tomorrow so you probably won't see me before I leave.
/ Marten: Oh, uh, okay. Have a safe trip. / Faye: I'll do my best. You have a good time while I'm gone.
/ Marten: Faye, are you sure you're okay? I mean...
/ Faye: Hush, Marty. I'm fine. I think this trip is gonna be good for me. / Faye: It won't be so good for my voice, though. I'm probably going to end up shouting profanities at my dad's tombstone until my throat bleeds.
/ Marten: You gotta pace yourself. Start out with simple, monosyllabic cusses and gradually move up to the more complex blasphemies. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=580 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Title text: Number 580: Always Stretch Before You Exercise}} / [[Faye is sitting on the couch reading, Marten enters]]
/ Faye: Hey Marty. Where've you been all evening?
/ Marten: I went out to dinner with Steve and Ellen and then played video games at Steve's place for a while. / [[Faye stands up, Marten scratches the back of his head]]
/ Faye: Well now that you're home I'm going to bed. The taxi's coming hella early tomorrow so you probably won't see me before I leave.
/ Marten: Oh, uh, okay. Have a safe trip. / [[Faye looks at Marten, Marten puts his hands behind his back.]]
/ Faye: I'll do my best. You have a good time while I'm gone.
/ Marten: Faye, are you sure you're okay? I mean...
/ Faye: Hush, Marty. I'm fine. I think this trip is gonna be good for me. / [[Faye looks thoughtful, Marten raises a finger making a point.]]
/ Faye: It won't be so good for my voice, though. I'm probably going to end up shouting profanities at my dad's tombstone until my throat bleeds.
/ Marten: You gotta pace yourself. Start out with simple, monosyllabic cusses and gradually move up to the more complex blasphemies. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=580# |
| Not Quite Mr. Clean | Panel 1: / Faye: Okay, I've got underpants, deodorant, my toothbrush, a fifth of whisky, clean socks...
/ Marten [[with bags under his eyes]]: Hurry up Faye, the taxi's been honking for like five minutes. / Panel 2: / Faye [[smiling]]: Marten? What are you doing awake?
/ Marten: I wanted to see you off, so I got up about a half an hour ago.
/ Faye: Aww, you didn't have to do that, sweetie. I'll be back in two days!
/ Marten: I know, I just didn't want you to feel like you wouldn't be missed. / Panel 3: / [[Faye and Marten's heads are together]] < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=581 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: Okay, I've got underpants, deodorant, my toothbrush, a fifth of whiskey, clean socks...
/ Marten [[on couch]]: Hurry up, Faye, the taxi's been honiking for like five minutes. / Faye: Marten? What are you doing awake?
/ Marten: I wanted to see you off, so I got up about half an hour ago.
/ Faye: Aww, you didn't have to do that, sweetie. I'll be back in two days!
/ Marten: I know, I just didn't want you to feel like you wouldn't be missed. / Faye: While you lose points for the convoluted sntence stucture, I appreciate the sentiment. I'll miss you too. I'd feel weird huggin' you now that you're datiing another lady, so here's a Wesley Willis style headbutt,instead. < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=581# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Raven walks into Coffee of Doom, Dora is holding a coffee cup]]
/ Raven: Morning Dora! I like your sweater!
/ Dora: Heh, thanks. I'm hoping the whole "indie librarian" look will put Marten more at ease. / [[Raven sits on counter, Dora crosses her arms across her chest anxiously]]
/ Raven: You think he'll come in today?
/ Dora: I hope so. I really want to get through the whole "crushing self-doubt while I wait for the boy to get back in touch with me" period, you know? / [[Raven looks at Dora, Dora looks away]]
/ Raven: Aww, you're worried?
/ Dora: Well yeah, a little. What if he decides this is a bad idea? What if he still has romantic feelings for Faye?
/ Raven: Oh man. What if, right before she left, she kissed him? He's all "have a nice trip" and she's all "I'll be thinking of you" and then SMOOOOOCH. / [[Raven raises a finger, making a point, while Dora looks at her angrily]]
/ Raven: They could be having passionate sex RIGHT NOW! The taxi driver is all "man what is taking them so long" and they're just banging the hell out of each other!
/ Dora: Goddamnit Raven you are NOT HELPING. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=582 |
| 582: Worst Case Scenario | Raven: Morning Dora! I like your sweater!
/ Dora: Heh, thanks. I’m hoping the whole “indie librarian” look will put Marten more at ease. / Raven: You think he’ll come in today?
/ Dora: I hope so. I really want to get through the whole “crushing self-doubt while I wait for the boy to get back in touch with me” period, you know. / Raven: Aww, you’re worried?
/ Dora: Well yeah, a little. What if he decides this is a bad idea? What if he still has romantic feelings for Faye?
/ Raven: Oh man. What if, right before she left, she kissed him? He’s all “have a nice trip” and she’s all “I’ll be thinking of you” and then SMOOOOOCH. / Raven: They could be having passionate sex RIGHT NOW! The taxi driver is all “man what is taking them so long” and they’re just banging the hell out of each other!
/ Dora: Goddamnit Raven you are NOT HELPING. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=582# |
| 583: Commercials Lie | Dora: Hey sweetie! I missed you yesterday.
/ Marten: Hey Dora. I missed you too.
/ Dora: So Faye’s out of town? / Marten: Yep. I saw her off at like five this morning.
/ Dora: Any more shocking revelations or last-minute makeouts? / Marten: Huh? No, she just headbutted me. Why do you ask?
/ Dora: Raven’s been filling my head with POISON all morning. All makin’ me worry that you’d dump me for Faye at the last second.
/ Raven: Hey, you started it! / Marten: I think this is the point where I’m supposed to be all “the only makeouts for me are YOUR makeouts, baby” but I don’t think I’m suave enough to pull it off.
/ Dora: It’s okay honey. Suave dudes always smell like aftershave and Old Spice. It’s pretty gross.
/ Raven: I like how Axe body spray smells, but it doesn’t make me want to hump inanimate objects like in the commercials. Which is sort of disappointing. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=583 |
| Commercials Lie | [[Marten and Faye are standing inside Coffe of Doom, in front of the window]]
/ Dora: Hey sweetie! I missed you yesterday.
/ Marten: Hey Dora. I missed you too.
/ Dora: So Faye's out of town? / [[Still inside Coffe of Doom, now in front of the specials black board]]
/ Marten: Yep. I saw her off at like five this morning.
/ Faye: Any more shocking revelations or last minute makeouts? / [[Raven joins the picture]]
/ Marten: Huh? No, she just headbutted me. Why do you ask?
/ Dora: Raven's been filling my head with POISON all morning. All makin' me worry that you'd dump me for Faye at the last second.
/ Raven: Hey, you started it! / Marten: I think this is the point where I'm supposed to be all "the only makeouts for me are YOUR makeouts, baby" but I don't think I'm suave enough to pull it off.
/ Dora: It's okay honey. Suave dudes always smell like aftershave and Old Spice. It's pretty gross.
/ Raven: I like how Axe body spray smells, but it doesn't make me want to hump inanimate objects like in the commercials. Which is sort of disappointing. / {{Comic title: Number 583: Commercials Lie}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=583# |
| Man I Hate Drawing Airports | Amanda: Hey sis! How was your flight?
/ Faye: Hi Amanda. It wasn't too bad, but the guy in front of me kept farting.
/ Faye: so how's life at home treating you?
/ Amanda: Augh, it SUCKS. I'm applying to get back into school next semester just so I can get away from mom.
/ Faye: Is mom still giving you a hard time for likin' the ladies?
/ Amanda: Nah, she lightened up once I pointed out that it drastically lowers my chances of getting pregnant out of wedlock.
/ Faye: You still need to be careful! You might get drunk one night and wake up the next morning to find that you adopted a baby.
/ Amanda: Hah, right. I adopted a baby and got my girlfriend's name tattooed on my ass all in the same night. "It seemed like a good idea at the time!" http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=584 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Amanda: Hey sis! How was your flight?
/ Faye: Hi Amanda. It wasn't too bad, but the guy in front of me kept farting. / Faye: So how's life at home treating you?
/ Amanda: Augh, it SUCKS. I'm applying to get back into school next semester just so I can get away from mom. / Faye: Is mom still giving you a hard time for likin' the ladies?
/ Amanda: Nah, she lightened up once I pointed out that it drastically lowers my changes of getting pregnant out of wedlock. / Faye: You still need to be careful! You might get drunk one night and wake up the next morning to find out that you adopted a baby.
/ Amanda: Hah, right. I adpoted a baby and got my girlfriend's name tattooed on my ass all in the same night. "It seemed like a good idea at the time!" http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=584# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Oh it's so good to see you again, honey!
/ Easy, mom, you're gonna break one of my ribs. / And i see you put on some weight since you left!
/ Mommm!
/ It's GOOD to see you with a lol' meat on your bones, honey. Means you're not starvin to death up in the frozen wastes. / Here, I made your favorites for lunch. BLT on toast with potato salad and a big 'ol glass of sweet tea.
/ Aw, thanks. I thought your doctor said you weren't allowed to have sweet tea anymore though.
/ I like to keep a pitcher handy for feedin' hummingbirds and houseguests. / So, tell me about what happened with you and that boy.
/ Let me finish my sandwich first, I can't cry and eat and talk all at the same time.
/ Since when? When Bob Creedy's dog bit you, you polished off a box of donuts n' told the whole story before the doctor was done stichin' you up.
/ I remember that. The bellyache from the donuts hurt more than the stiches. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=585 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Number 585: It's Good To Be Home}} / [[Faye arrives at her mother's house; they hug. A "Bless This Home" sign hangs on the wall.]] / Faye's mom: Oh it's so good to see you again, honey!
/ Faye: Easy, mom, you're gonna break one of my ribs. / Faye's mom: And I see you put on some weight since you left!
/ Faye: Mommm!
/ Faye's mom: It's GOOD to see you with a lil' meat on your bones, honey. Means you're not starvin' to death up in the frozen wastes. / [[Faye and her mom sit down at a table to eat]]
/ Faye's mom: Here, I made your favorites for lunch. BLT on toast with potato salad and a big ol' glass of sweet tea.
/ Faye: Aw, thanks. I thought your doctor said you weren't allowed to have sweet tea anymore though.
/ Faye's mom: I like to keep a pitcher handy for feedin' hummingbirds and houseguests. / Faye's mom: So, tell me about what happened with you and that boy.
/ Faye: Let me finish my sandwich first, I can't cry and eat and talk all at the same time.
/ Faye's mom: Since when? When Bob Creedy's dog bit you, you polished off a box of donuts 'n told the whole story before the doctor was done stitchin' you up.
/ Faye: I remember that. The bellyache from the donuts hurt more than the stitches. / {{Copyright 2003-2006 J.Jacques}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=585# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Marten: Who's this on the stereo?
/ Dora: This is the latest Mastodon album.
/ Marten: Is he screaming about Moby Dick?
/ Dora: Totally! You gotta love any metal band that writes songs about Herman Melville novels. / Marten: Man, these guys should go on tour with the Decemberists. Imagine "The Mariner's Revenge Song" as a metal duet!
/ Dora: Psht, Colin Meloy would wet his pants in fear if Mastodon so much as tuned their guitars near him. / Marten: I could see Opeth doing a cover of "Red Right Ankle" as one of their prog ballads.
/ Dora: If you slowed them down, I bet most In Flames songs would make pretty could cover material for Iron & Wine. / Raven: God, get a room guys. This is like the music dork version of sloppy makeouts.
/ Dora: I'm turned on, how about you?
/ Marten: I was, until I imagined the Strokes covering Metallica. That totally killed the mood. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=586 |
| An Unholy Union | [[Inside Coffee of Doom]]
/ Marten: Who's this on the stereo?
/ Dora: This is the latest Mastodon album.
/ Marten: Is he screaming about Moby Dick?
/ Dora: Totally! You gotta love any metal band that writes songs about Herman Melville novels. / Marten: Man, these guys should go on tour with the Decemberists. Imagine "The Mariner's Revenge Song" as a metal duet!
/ Dora: Psht, Colin Meloy would wet his pants in fear if Mastodon so much as tuned their guitars near him. / Marten: I could see Opeth doing a cover of "Red Right Ankle" as one of their prog ballads.
/ Dora: If you slowed them down, I bet most of In Flames songs would make pretty good cover material for Iron & Wine. / Raven: God, get a room guys. This is like the music dork version of sloppy makeouts.
/ Dora: I'm turned on, how about you?
/ Marten: I was, until I imagined the Strokes covering Metallica. That totally killed the mood. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=586# |
| Parental Hypocrisy | [[Faye is talking to her mother in her house. She is slightly crying.]] / Faye: ... And th-that's the huh-whole story. Now Marty and Dora are to-together and I'm left in the lu-lurch.
/ Faye's Mother: Oh honey, I knew it was gonna end badly soon as you told me you were livin' with that boy. I'm sorry it happened, though. / Faye: I know I did the right thing in the end. I mean, it really hurts, but at least everythin'll work out for the best. Marten and Dora don't hate me, and I'm gonna start goin' to therapy, and life'll go on, right?
/ Faye's Mother: Of course it will honey, that's life's blessin'. It always goes on. / Faye's Mother: Y'know, I was in a similar situation with your daddy and another girl, when we were young.
/ Faye: Yeah, but you ended up marryin' dad. How'd you get him to pick you instead of the other girl? / Faye's Mother: Oh, that was easy. I just put out first.
/ Faye: Mom!
/ Faye's Mother: Well I didn't say it was EXACTLY like your situation! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=587 |
| Parental Hypocrisy | [[In Faye's home in Georgia, Faye is slightly crying while talking to her mother]] / Faye: ...And th-that's the huh-whole story. Now Marty and Dora are to-together and I'm left in the lu-lurch.
/ Faye's Mother: Oh honey, I knew it was gonna end badly soon as you told me you were livin' with that boy. I'm sorry it happened, though. / Faye: I know I did the right thing in the end. I mean, it really hurts, but at least everythin'll work out for the best. Marten and Dora don't hate me, and I'm gonna start goin' to therapy, and life'll go on, right?
/ Faye's Mother: Of course it will honey, that's life's blessin'. It always goes on. / Faye's Mother: Y'know, I was in a similar situation with your daddy and another girl, when we were young.
/ Faye: Yeah, but you ended up marryin' dad. How'd you get him to pick you instead of the other girl? / Faye's Mother: Oh, that was easy. I just put out first.
/ Faye: Mom!
/ Faye's Mother: Well I didn't say it was EXACTLY like your situation! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=587# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Fayes Mom]]
/ Well I'm glad you're gettin' back into therapy, honey. It's what got you back on your feet after that accident. I don't know why you ever stopped goin' in the first place. [[Faye]] Ugh, I dunno. I just wasn't ready to deal wtih all that stuff, y'know? But now I'm just tired of NOT dealing with it. I'd rather get it over with. /
/ [[Faye]]
/ What about you, mom? Seeing a shrink would probably do you some good.
/ [[Fayes Mom]] Oh you know I don't like that sort of thing. I go to church, I keep myself busy, and that's enough for me.
/ /
/ [[Faye]]
/ I'm glad you've come to terms with Amanda being gay, at least.
/ [[Fayes Mom]]
/ Well I don't APPROVE of it, but you know Amanda. She's gonna get her way, one way or another. 'Sides, it's not like it's hurtin' anything, other'n my chances of seein' grand-children someday. / / [[Faye]]
/ No offense mom, but I don't see Amanda with kids no matter WHICH team she bats for. [[Fayes Mom]]
/ I know, but look at the alternative. I love you, sweetie, but you're crazier than a mule on a Ferris wheel.
/ [[Faye]]
/ Poor mule. He doesn't know how he got up there, but he's sure as hell gonna bite the first person who tries to get him down. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=588 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Number 588: Shrinkage}} / [[Faye and her mom walk outside into the backyard]]
/ Faye's mom: Well I'm glad you're getting' back into therapy, honey. It's what got you back on your feet after that accident. I don't know why you ever stopped goin' in the first place.
/ Faye: Ugh, I dunno. I just wasn't ready to deal with all that stuff, y'know? But now I'm just tiredof NOT dealin'with it. I'd rather get it over with. / Faye: What about you, mom? Seeing a shrink would probably do you some good.
/ Faye's mom: Oh you know I don't like that sort of thing. I go to church, I keep myself busy, and that's enough for me. / Faye: I'm glad you've come to terms with Amanda being gay, at least.
/ Faye's mom: Well I don't APPROVE of it, but you know Amanda. She's gonna get her way, one way or another. 'Sides, it's not like it's hurtin' anything, other'n my chances of seein' grand-children someday. / [[They sit down on a bench]]
/ Faye: No offense mom, but I don't see Amanda with kids no matter WHICH team she bats for.
/ Faye's mom: I know, but look at the alternative. I love you, sweetie, but you're crazier than a mule on a Ferris wheel.
/ Faye: Poor mule. He doesn't know how he got up there, but he's sure as hell gonna bite the first person who tries to get him down. / {{Copyright 2003-2006 J.Jacques}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=588# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Number 589: Only God Knows}} / [[In the coffee shop]]
/ Marten: So, what's the official protocol on me being here?
/ Dora: Hm?
/ Marten: I mean, if we're dating now, I don't wanna be hangin' out here all the time, all up in your space if you need more distance than that. / Dora: Oh don't be silly, Marten. You can hang out here whenever you want. If I need more space, I'll tell you, okay?
/ Marten: Okay, cool. I'm sorry, it's just been a while since I dated anybody and I really don't wanna fuck it up, you know? / Dora: I'm just as rusty at this as you are, sweetie. I mean, I've been single since before we even met, remember?
/ Marten: Oh yeah, I gues you're right.
/ Raven: Dora talks a mean game, but she's basically a nun nowadays. / Dora: I'm not a nun. A nun would be wearing underpants right now.
/ Raven: Woo, sounds like SOMEone is planning on gettin' it on tonight!
/ Dora: Actually it's just laundry day and I was out of panties.
/ Marten: Wait, how do we know nuns wear underpants? Who checks? http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=589 |
| 589: Only God Knows | Marten: So, what's the official protocol on me being here?
/ Dora: Hm?
/ Marten: I mean, if we're dating now, I don't wanna be hangin' out here all the time, all up in your space if you need more distance than that. / Dora: Oh don't be silly, Marten. You can hang out here whenever you want. If I need more space, I'll tell you, okay?
/ Marten: Okay, cool. I'm sorry, it's just been a while since I dated anybody and I really don't wanna fuck it up, you know? / Dora: I'm just as rusty at this as you are, sweetie. I mean, I've been single since before we even met, remember?
/ Marten: Oh yeah, I guess you're right.
/ Raven: Dora talks a mean game, but she's basically a nun nowadays. / Dora: I'm not a nun. A nun would be wearing underpants right now.
/ Raven: Woo, sounds like SOMEone is planning on gettin' it on tonight!
/ Dora: Actually it's just laundry day and I was out of panties.
/ Marten: Wait, how do we know nuns wear underpants? Who checks? http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=589# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[two AnthroPCs, Pintsize & Winslow, are conversing in Hannelore's spotless apartment]]
/ Pintsize: ...So now Marten and DORA are going out, and Faye's at home visiting her family.
/ Winslow: Goodness! That sounds complicated. / [[the two AnthroPCs peak over the top edge of Hannelore's couch]]
/ Pintsize: Yeah, it's a touchy situation. Anyway, wanna come downstairs and watch some tv with me?
/ Winslow: Hannelore says television rots the mind. I shudder to think what it'd do to MY virgin processors! / [[Hannelore enters as Pintsize tries to talk Winslow into leaving]]
/ Pintsize: Aw c'mon, it's not that bad. All the COOL robots are doing it.
/ Winslow: They are? Hmmm...
/ Hannelore: [[accusingly]]Why are you in my apartment and what are you trying to talk my poor little computer into doing? / Pintsize: I'm filling him in on the latest apartment building gossip!
/ Hannelore: Rgh. My desire to eject you from my apartment is conflicting with my desire for juicy details about your owner's private life.
/ Pintsize: That's right, lady. First taste is free, but after that you pay. [beat] In cupcakes.
/ Winslow: Not gonna happen. Hannelore disconnected our oven for fear she'd leave it on one night. / {{title text: Delicious Gossip}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=590 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Pintsize and Winslow on couch in Hannelore's apartment]]
/ Pintsize: ... So now Marten and DORA are going out, and Faye's at home visiting her family.
/ Winslow: Goodness! That sounds complicated. / Pintsize: Yeah, it's a touchy situation. Anyway, wanna come downstairs and watch some tv with me?
/ Winslow: Hannelore says television rots the mind. I shudder to think what it'd do to MY virgin processors! / Pintsize: Aw c'mon, it's not that bad. All the COOL robots are doing it.
/ Winslow: They are? Hmmm...
/ Hannelore (entering): Why are you in my apartment and what are you trying to talk my poor little computer into doing? / Pintsize: I'm filling him in on the latest apartment building gossip!
/ Hannelore: Rgh. My desire to eject you from my apartment is confilicting with my desire for juicy details about your owner's private life.
/ Pintsize: That's right, little lady. First taste is free, but after that you pay in cupcakes.
/ Winslow: Not gonna happen. Hannelore disconnected our oven for fear she'd leave it on one night. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=590# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{RIP Motherfucker}} / Faye's mom: So what are your plans while you're down here?
/ Faye: I dunno, I was gonna hang out with Amanda today and then maybe go visit dad's grave tomorrow. / Faye's mom: Really? You haven't done that since you got out of the hospital.
/ Faye: Well yeah, but I figure it's about time I did.
/ Faye's mom: I don't go down there much myself. It just makes me too angry. / Faye: Mom, do you really have no idea why dad killed himself?
/ Faye's mom: Honey, I've thought and thought about it for years now and I still haven't got a clue. He never said anything to me, the coroner couldn't find anything unusual in his system, and his family doesn't have a history of depression. It's just a mystery to me. / Faye: We should really amend his tombstone to read "David Whitaker- Loving Husband, Devoted Father, Fucking Idiot".
/ Faye's mom: You'll have to take that up with the cemetary caretakers. I wanted to put "He was a God-damned Jackass who didn't deserve the wonderful family he had" but they felt it was too disrespectful. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=591 |
| RIP Motherfucker | Mrs. Whitaker: So what are your plans while you're down here?
/ Faye: I dunno, I was gonna hang out with Amanda today and then maybe go visit dad's grave tomorrow. / Mrs. Whitaker: Really? You haven't done that since you got out of the hospital.
/ Faye: Well yeah, but I figure it's about time I did.
/ Mrs. Whitaker: I don't go down there much myself. It just makes me too angry. / Faye: Mom, do you really have no idea why dad killed himself?
/ Mrs. Whitaker: Honey, I've thought and thought about it for years now and I still haven't got a clue. He never said anything to me, the coroner couldn't find anything unusual in his system, and his family doesn't have a history of depression. It's just a mystery to me. / Faye: We should really amend his tombstone to read "David Whitake - Loving Husband, Devoted Father, Fucking Idiot."
/ Mrs. Whitaker: You'll have to take that up with the cemetary caretakers. I wanted to put "He was a God-damned Jackass who didn't deserve the wonderful family he had" but they felt it was too disrespectful. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=591# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[another afternoon at Coffee of Doom]]
/ Marten: So, uh, you wanna go see a movie or something tonight?
/ Dora: How about you come over to my place and we'll rent something. Movie theaters are expensive and frown upon snarky commentary and makeouts. / Marten: Hahah, okay. Well, I'm gonna go get some dinner.
/ Dora: [[kisses him on the cheek]]Mwah. Sloppy lipstick marks for you!
/ Marten: Hahah, thanks. I'll see you later. / Raven: I don't think I've ever seen you this happy!
/ Dora: I have a boy! Having a boy is pretty excellent. / Dora: [[twitching]] Now all I have to do is convince myself that he's not just settling for me because Faye is unavailable! Whee!
/ Raven: Dammit, I can never tell the difference between the "happy Dora" grin and the "freaking-out Dora" grimace. / {{title text: Terrifyingly Happy}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=592 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Marten: So, uh, you wanna go see a movie or something tonight?
/ Dora: How about you come over to my place and we'll rent something. Movie theaters are expensive and frown upon snarky commentary and makeouts. / Marten: Hahah, okay. Well, I'm gonna go get some dinner.
/ Marten: Mwah. Sloppy lipstick marks for you!
/ Marten: Hahah, thanks. I'll see you later.
/ [[Dora kissing Marten on the Cheek]] / Raven: I don't think I've ever seen you this happy!
/ Dora: I have a boy! Having a boy is pretty excellent. / Dora: Now all I have to do is convince myself that he's not just settling for me because faye is unavailable! Whee!
/ {{*twitch twitch*}}
/ Raven: Damnit, I can never tell the difference between the "happy dorra" grin and the "freaking-out Dora" grimace. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=592# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Marten & Faye's Apartment]]
/ Marten: Uh, Hannelore? What're you doing in my apartment?
/ Hannelore: Pintsize invited Winslow down to watch TV, and I wanted to chaperone and make sure they don't get into any trouble.
/ Winslow: Salutations! / Marten: Well that was nice of you. Thanks a lot!
/ Hannelore: No problem. I also did some dusting and rearranged your silverware drawer.
/ Marten: O-okay... / Marten: Well uh I was gonna order some pizza, do you want some? I owe you for making sure Pintsize didn't destroy anything while I was out.
/ Hannelore: Sure thing, but I can only eat slices that have an even number of toppings on them.
/ Marten: Couldn't you just, like, put an extra piece of pepperoni on an odd-toppinged slice and even it out that way? / Hannelore: I...I'd honestly never considered that before. This foretells a massive shift in my pizza-consuming paradigm!
/ Pintsize: Couldn't you ALSO take a topping off, if it was an odd number?
/ Winslow: Or you could multiply any odd-numbered slice by any even-numbered slice! Math is delicious!
/ Marten: If your mind is too thoroughly blown I can order Chinese instead. / {{title text: Math Confuses And Frightens Me}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=593 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Winslow and Hannelore in Marten's apartment when he walks in]]
/ Marten: Uh, Hannelore? What're you doing in my apartment?
/ Hannelore: Pintsize invited Winslow down to watch TV, and I wanted to chaperone and make sure they don't get into any trouble.
/ Winslow: Salutations! / Marten: Well that was nice of you. Thanks a lot!
/ Hannelore: No problem. I also did some dusting and rearranged your silverware drawer.
/ Marten: O-okay... / Marten: Well uh I was gonna order some pizza, do you want some? I owe you for making sure Pintsize didn't destroy anything while I was out.
/ Hannelore: Sure thing, but I can only eat slices that have an even number of toppings on them.
/ Marten: Couldn't you just, like, put an extra piece of pepperoni on an odd-toppinged slice and even it out that way? / Hannelore: I...I'd honestly never considered that before. This foretells a massive shift in my pizza-consuming paradigm!
/ Pintsize: Couldn't you ALSO take a topping off, if it was an odd number?
/ Winslow: Or you could multiply any odd-numbered slice by any even-numbered slice! Math is delicious!
/ Marten: If your mind is too thoroughly blown I can order Chinese instead. / {{Math Confuses And Frightens Me}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=593# |
| Questionable Content: Number 594: He Has An Awesome Van | Dora: Augh, I don't know. I shouldn't worry. I should just concentrate on being happy with Marten. But it's a real issue!
/ Raven: Let's ask the Makeout Hobo.
/ Dora: The "makeout hobo"? You mean the scruffy dude in the corner?
/ Raven: Yes! If anyone can give you advice, it's a guy who lives in his van and travels around the country makin' out with chicks. I was talking to him earlier and he's hella wise and shit.
/ Raven: Excuse me, mister Makeout Hobo? My friend here needs some relationship advice.
/ Makeout Hobo: Ask and you shall recieve.
/ Dora: Uh...oh what the hell, why not. There's this guy who has the hots for a mutual friend, only she couldn't date him, and now he and I are going out. Do you think he still has feelings for her?
/ Makeout Hobo: The past is a fiction created by our minds and the future is inherently uncertain. There is only the present. Live for the now. Live for the makeouts.
/ Dora: That's a nice sentiment and all, but it doesn't really address the issue.
/ Makeout Hobo: "The Issue" is an illusion manifested by your own self-doubt. Only when you smash the illusion can you achieve truly enlightened tonsil-hockey.
/ Raven: Oh wise Makeout Hobo, is there any other wisdom you can impart to us?
/ Makeout Hobo: Come, retire with me to the back of my van and we shall explore the innermost secrets of the universe through light petting. Leave your worldly possessions behind, specifically your bra because I am terrible at taking those things off.
/ Dora: Ugh, he's like a cross between David Lee Roth and the Buddha. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=594 |
| He Has an Awesome Van | [[Dora and Raven are behind the counter at the coffee shop]]
/ Dora: Augh, I don't know. I shouldn't worry I should just concentrate on being happy with Marten. But it's a real issue!
/ Raven: Let's ask the Makeout Hobo.
/ Dora: The "makeout hobo"? You mean the scruffy dude in the corner?
/ Raven: Yep! If anyone can give you advice, it's a guy who lives in his van and travels around the country makin' out with chicks. I was talking to him earlier and he's hella wise and shit. / [[Dora and Raven standing next to a seated man with a beard]]
/ Raven: Excuse me, mister Makeout Hobo? My friend here needs some relationship advice.
/ Makeout Hobo: Ask and you shall receive.
/ Dora: Uh...oh what the hell, why not. There's this guy who had the hots for a mutual friend, only she couldn't date him, and now he and I are going out. Do you think he still has feelings for her? / Makeout Hobo: The past is a fiction created by our minds and the future is inherently uncertain. There is only the present. Live for the now. Live for the makeouts.
/ Dora: That's a nice sentiment and all, but it doesn't really address the issue.
/ Makeout Hobo: "The issue" is an illusion manifested by your own self-doubt. Only when you smash the illusion can you achieve truly enlightened tonsil-hockey. / Raven: Oh wise Makeout Hobo, is there any other wisdom you can impart to us?
/ Makeout Hobo: Come, retire with me to the back of my van and we shall explore the innermost secrets of the universe through light petting. Leave your worldly possesions behind, specifically your bra because I am terrible at taking those things off.
/ Dora: Ugh, he's like a cross between David Lee Roth and the Buddha. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=594# |
| Questionable Content # 595: Hangin' Out In The Basement | Amanda: ...So yeah, Aunt Bettie told me I was going to hell because I liked girls. Then she tried to lay hands on me and "drive the demons out".
/ Faye: Well, this is the same woman who told mom that dad was going to hell, at his funeral. I think even the pastor wanted to smack her. / Amanda: Ugh, that's the other thing.Everyone thinks I don't like boys because of dad. Like it's some sort of psychological problem instead of who I am.
/ Faye: I always thought you handled dad's death pretty well, by any reasonable standard. I mean, you grieved and moved on. I went crazy and mom turned into a neurotic wreck. / Amanda: She's been a lot better ever since the doctor put her on anti-anxiety medicine.
/ Faye: What? Mom never said anything about being on medication to me!
/ Amanda: Yeah, she tries to keep it a secret. / Faye: Christ, next you're gonna tell me she's been going out on dates with other men or something.
/ Amanda: Does turning tricks at the dockyard cout? Because she's been-
/ Faye: Finish that sentence and I will reenact Sherman's March to the Sea using my fists as his army and your head as Georgia. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=595 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Amanda and Faye walking to basement]]
/ Amanda: ...So yeah, Aunt Bettie told me I was going to hell because I liked girls. Then she tried to lay hands on me and "drive the demons out".
/ Faye: Well, this is the same woman who told mom that dad was going to hell, at his funeral. I think even the pastor wanted to smack her. / Amanda: Ugh, that's the other thing. Everyone thinks I don't like boys because of dad. Like it's some sort of psychological problem instead of who I am.
/ Faye: I always thought you handled dad's death pretty well, by any reasonable standard. I mean, you grieved and moved on. I went crazy and mom turned into a neurotic wreck. / Amanda: She's been a lot better ever since the doctor put her on anti-anxiety medicine.
/ Faye: What? Mom never said anything about being on medication to me!
/ Amanda: Yeah, she tries to keep it a secret. / Faye: Christ, next you're gonna tell me she's been going out on dates with other men or something.
/ Amanda: Does turning tricks down at the dockyard count? Because she's been-
/ Faye: Finish that sentence and I will reenact Sherman's March to the Sea using my fists as his army and your head as Georgia. / {{Hangin' Out In The Basement}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=595# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[In Marten and Faye's apartment]]
/ Hannelore; Thanks for the pizza Marten. Good luck on your date tonight.
/ Marten; Heh, thanks / Hannelore; I promise not to observe the whole thing from across the street using a high-powered telescope.
/ Marten; Okay, see, remember what we talked about earlier, about how some jokes come off as kind of creepy even if you don't mean them in that way? / Hannelore; But I wasn't joking. I really do promise not to surveil your date.
/ Marten; O-okay, and I appreciate that! But it's not something you would normally have to promise, you know?
/ Hannelore; Why not? I thought I was being courteous. / Marten; Look, it's like if I said "I promise not to murder you in your sleep tonight." You already knew I wouldn't do that, so I don't need to reiterate that.
/ Hannelore; Oh, obviously. I always keep my front door locked, and I'm rarely asleep anyway.
/ Marten; No, youre... nevermind. Next time you say anything weird I'm just going to smile and nod.
/ Hannelore; That's what most people do. It's how I got through college! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=596 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Marten and Hannelore sitting on Marten's couch]]
/ Hannelore: Thanks for the pizza, Marten. Good luck on your date tonight.
/ Marten: Heh, thanks. / Hannelore: I promise not to observe the whole thing from across the street using a high-powered telescope.
/ Marten: Okay, see, remember what we talked about earlier, about how some jokes come off as kind of creepy even if you don't mean it that way? / Hannelore: But I wasn't joking. I really do promise not to surveil your date.
/ Marten: O-okay, and I appreciate that! But it's not something you would normally have to promise, you know?
/ Hannelore: Why not? I thought I was being courteous. / Marten: Look, it's like if I said "I promise not to murder you in your sleep tonight." You already know I wouldn't do that, so I don't need to reiterate it.
/ Hannelore: Oh, obviously. I always keep my front door locked, and I'm rarely asleep anyway.
/ Marten: No, you're...nevermind. Next time you say anything weird I'm just going to smile and nod.
/ Hannelore: That's what most people do. It's how I got through colllege! / {{Social Graces}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=596# |
| Number 597: Tomato Plants Are Fun To Draw | [[Outside Faye's mother's house, near her tomato garden]] / Faye: Mom, do you think you'll ever get married again?
/ Faye's Mother: Oh honey, I don't think so. Your father was the man for me, and with him gone I just don't feel like there's anyone who could take his place. / Faye's Mother: And I miss him, y'know? I mean, I'm sure you know. That feelin' never goes away.
/ Faye: Yeah... / Faye's Mother: Haha, you know of all the things about him I miss, sometimes it's the sex I miss the most. I mean, I haven't had my proverbial field tilled since your father died!
/ Faye: Um, hello? Talking to your DAUGHTER here? Your daughter who'd rather not KNOW the details of her mom's sex life? / Faye: Oh who am I kidding, I haven't gotten laid in forever either. I feel your pain.
/ Faye's Mother: At least you're still young. My options at this point're limited to seducin' the mailman or usin' the life insurance money to hire a gigolo. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=597 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{title: Tomato Plants Are Fun To Draw}} / [[Faye and her mother are in the garden. Her mother is tending some tomato plants]]
/ Faye: Mom, do you think you'll ever get married again?
/ Faye's Mother: Oh honey, I don't think so. Your father was the man for me, and with him gone I just don't feel like there's anyone who could take his place. / [[Faye's mother stands and rubs her head]]
/ Faye's Mother: And I miss him, y'know? I mean, I'm sure you know. That feelin' never goes away.
/ Faye: Yeah... / [[They start walking back to the house]]
/ Faye's Mother: Haha, you know of that the things about him I miss, sometimes it's the sex I miss the most. I mean, I haven't had my proverbial fill tilled since your father died!
/ Faye: Um, hello? Talking to you DAUGHTER here? Your daughter who'd rather not KNOW the details of her mom's sex life? / [[Faye slouches]]
/ Faye: Oh who am I kidding, I haven't gotten laid in forever either. I feel you pain.
/ Faye's Mother: At least you're still young. My options at this point're limited to seducin' the mailman or usin' the life insurance money to hire a gigolo. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=597# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{title text: Safety First}}
/ Martin: Okay, teeth are brushed, deodorant is applied, boxers are clean, pants aren't on backwards...
/ Pintsize: Ready for your big date?
/ Martin: It's not a "big date". We're just gonna watch a movie together.
/ Pintsize: Whatever you say, romeo. Want me to play "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye while the two of you smooch?
/ Martin: Absolutely not. You're going to stay here and keep out of trouble. No mischief, no devious hijinks. Got it?
/ Pintsize: No devious hijinks, I promise.
/ Martin: Experience tells me I shouldn't believe you. C'mere, I'm gonna turn you off just to be safe.
/ Pintsize: No, I've gotta be awake to see whether or not you get any action tonight! We've got a pool going, there's a lot of money riding on this!
/ Martin: Dude, betting on my love life is like putting two grand on a blind, one-legged dachshund to win the Kentucky Derby. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=598 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{title: Safety First}} / [[Marten and Faye's apartment: Pintsize is standing on the settee]]
/ Marten: Okeay, teeth are brushed, deodorant is applied, boxers are clean, pants aren't on backwards...
/ Pintsize: Ready for your big date? / Marten: It's not a "big date". We're just gonna watch a movie together.
/ Pintsize: Whatever you say, romeo. Want me to play "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye while the two of you smooch? / [[Marten turns towards Pintsize]]
/ Marten: Absolutely not. You're to stay here and keep out of trouble. No mischief, no devious hijinks. Got it?
/ Pintsize: No devious hijinks, I promise. / [[Marten raises his hands to grab Pintsize; Pintsize backs away]]
/ Marten: Experience tells me I shouldn't believe you. C'mere, I'm gonna turn you off just to be safe.
/ Pintsize: No, I've gotta be awake to see whether or not you get any action tonight! We're got a pool going, there's a lot of money riding on this!
/ Marten: Dude, betting on my love life is like putting two grand on a blind, one-legged dachshund to wind the Kentucky Derby. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=598# |
| Number 599: The Old Standby | Dora: Okay, time for me to go home. You sure you can handle closing all by yourself, Raven?
/ Raven: Uh huh! If anyone asks me for a drink I don't know how to make I'll just hit 'em with a carafe and drag 'em out back.
/ Dora: That's right- when in doubt, trauma-induced amnesia is the solution to your problems. / Dora: What do you think I should wear tonight?
/ Raven: Depends on how long you're planning to stay clothed. I prefer sweatpants on dates where quick removal is a priority. / Dora: I'm not going to sleep with him tonight.
/ Raven: Huh? Why not?
/ Dora: It's just too soon. There are too many unanswered questions about him and Faye for me to be comfortable. As much as I want to jump his bones, I'm going to restrain myself until I know for certain that he really has feelings for me. / Dora: Of course, given my recent self-control track record, I could be talking out my ass right now.
/ Raven: You know a boy really likes you if you fart during sex and he doesn't get too grossed out to keep goin'. Talking out your ass is the ultimate relationship barometer! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=599 |
| Questionable Content: no. 599 | [[In the coffee shop]]
/ Dora: Okay, time for me to go home. You sure you can handle closing all by yourself, Raven?
/ Raven: Uh huh! If anyone asks me for a drink I don't know how to make I'll just hit 'em with a carafe and drag 'em out back.
/ Dora: That's right- when in doubt, trauma-induced amnesia is the solution to your problems. / Dora: What do you think I should wear tonight?
/ Raven: Depends on how long you're planning to stay clothed. I prefer sweatpants on dates where quick removal is a priority. / Dora: I'm not going to sleep with him tonight.
/ Raven: Huh? Why not?
/ Dora: It's just too soon. There are too many unanswered questions about him and Faye for me to be comfortable. As much as I want to jump his bones, I'm going to restrain myself until I know for certain that he really has feelings for me. / Dora: Of course, given my recent self-control track record, I could be talking out my ass right now.
/ Raven: You know a boy really likes you if you fart during sex and he doesn't get too grossed out to keep goin'. Talking out your ass is the ultimate relationship barometer! / {{title text: The Old Standby}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=599# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{title: It's Assumed That He Is Joking}} / [[Dora enters the Martens apartment and hugs him tightly]]
/ Dora: Rar! Hey sweetie!
/ Marten: Doof! Hi Dora. / [[They walk over to the settee]]
/ Dora: So what'd you end up doing for dinner?
/ Marten: I ordered some pizza. Hannelore was watching Pintsize and her AnthroPC so we shared. / Dora: Is this the part where I'm supposed to get all indignant and overprotective?
/ Marten: Oh yeah, because I TOTALLY want to have a hot threesome with you and her. / Dora: Threesomes are a lot like Communism: they're a great idea on paper but in reality they rarely work well.
/ Marten: I'm not even sure they're that good an idea on paper. Have you ever read a Penthouse Letter? Those things are TERRIBLE! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=600 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Marten at Dora's apartment]]
/ Dora: Rar! Hey sweetie!
/ Marten: Doof! Hi Dora. / Dora: So what'd you end up doing for dinner?
/ Marten: I ordered some pizza. Hannelore was watching Pintsize and her AnthroPC so we shared. / Dora: Is this the part where I'm supposed to get all indignant and overprotective?
/ Marten: Oh yeah, because I TOTALLY want to have a hot threesome with you and her. / Dora: Threesomes are a lot like Communism- they're a great idea on paper but in reality they rarely work well.
/ Marten: I'm not even sure they're that good an idea on paper. Have you ever read a Penthouse Letter? Those things are TERRIBLE! / {{It's Assumed That He Is Joking}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=600# |
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