You're browsing the archives of Questionable Content.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Number 541: Captain Crunch EWWW}} / [[Dora has just run in to see what has happened to Faye after hearing a loud crash and yelling in the last comic.]] / Dora: Faye? Are You all right?
/ Faye: There was a raccoon out by the dumpster and it startled me and I dropped the trashbag on my foot. What were we throwing away, cinderblocks?
/ Dora: Whew, I was afraid you were playing with the Fighting Spatula.
/ Faye: What, do I look like an idiot? You could lop off a hand with that thing! / Raven: Sorry to hear about you and Faye.
/ Marten: Oh, she filled you in on it too?
/ Raven: Yeah, do you mind?
/ Marten: Heheh, not really. It saves me the trouble of tellin' you ladies the story. / Raven: Anyway, I think you should go out with Dora. She'd be happy.
/ Marten: Man, I dunno. I'm not in the best frame of mind for datin' anybody just yet. Half of me is all "hurr be emo over FAye" and the other half is all "hurr Faye is dumb" and my liver is like "hurr, go get some more bourbon." / Raven: "Frame of mind"? What does that have to do with dating? Be like Toucan Sam! Follow your nose! Or, uh, your junk. Be a horney Toucan Sam!
/ Marten: Thanks but I'd rather not end up with my wang in a bowl of cold cereal. / {{From Jeph: For those of you who didn't grow up with American breakfast cereal commercials, Toucan Sam was a spokesman for Froot Loops whose catchphrase was "just follow your nose!". Ironic, considering that as a bird he did not actually posess a nose.}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=541 |
| Captain Crunch EWWW | [[Faye and Dora stands in the storage room of Coffe of Doom]]
/ Dora: Faye? Are you all right?
/ Faye: There was a raccoon out by the dumpster and it startled me and I dropped the trashbag on my foot. What were we throwing away, cinderblocks?
/ Dora: Whew, I was afraid you were playing with the Fighting Spatula.
/ Faye: What, do I look like an idiot? You could lop off a hand with that thing! / [[Inside of Coffe of Doom, Marten and Raven are talking]]
/ Raven: I'm sorry to hear about you and Faye.
/ Marten: Oh, she filled you in on it too?
/ Raven: Yeah, do you mind?
/ Marten: Heheh, not really. It saves me trouble of tellin' you ladies the story. / Raven: Anyway. I think you should go out with Dora. She'd be happy.
/ Marten: Man, I dunno. I'm not in the best frame of mind for datin' anybody just yet. Half of me is all "hurr be emo over Faye" and the other half is all "hurr Faye is dumb" and my liver is like "hurr, go get some more bourbon." / Raven: "Frame of mind"? What does that have to do with dating? Be like Toucan Sam! Follow your nose! Or, uh, your junk. Be a horny Toucan Sam!
/ Marten: "Thanks, but I'd rather not end up with my wang in a bowl of cold cereal. / {{Comic title: Number 541: Captain Crunch EWWW}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=541# |
| #542: Playing Her Like A Fiddle | {{Number 542: Playing Her Like A Fiddle}}
/ [[At the coffee shop]]
/ Dora: False alarm. Faye's okay, she just saw a big scary raccoon.
/ Faye: I'm serious, that thing was like a tiny, rotund bear! I'm bringing an elephant gun with me next time I go out back. I will have a new hat. A hat with a tail. / Raven: Okay! Dora and Marten, you're in charge of getting us some lunch. I'm hungry. Faye, you stay here with me to make sure I don't destroy the shop while they're gone.
/ Marten: Okay...
/ Dora: Well aren't WE little miss taskmaster today. Yes ma'am. / Faye: Just what are you up to, Raven? Decisiveness is not one of your usual virtues.
/ Raven: This is for your benefit, silly. you're going to get the phone book and find yourself a good therapist. I thought it might be easier without Marten and Dora lookin' over your shoulder. / Faye: You've got a gift, Raven. I dunno whether it's for being tactful or for lying out of your ASS, but I'm impressed either way.
/ Raven: I'm a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in an AWESOME rack. http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=542 |
| Playing Her Like A Fiddle | Dora: False alarm. Faye's okay, she just saw a big scary raccoon.
/ Faye: I'm serious, that thing was like a tiny, rotund bear! I'm bringing the elephant gun with me next time I go out back. I will have a new hat. A hat with a *tail*. / Raven: Okay! Dora and Marten, you're in charge of getting us some lunch. I'm hungry. Faye, you stay here with me to make sure I don't destroy the shop while they're gone.
/ Dora: Well aren't WE little miss taskmaster today. Yes ma'am.
/ Marten: Okay... / Faye: Just what are you up to, Raven? Decisiveness is not one of your usual virtues.
/ Raven: This is for your benefit, silly. You're going to get the phone book and find yourself a good therapist. I thought it might be easier without Marten and Dora lookin' over your shoulder. / Faye: You've got a gift, Raven. I dunno whether it's for being tactful or for lying out of your ASS, but I'm impressed either way.
/ Raven: I'm a mystery wrapped in an engima wrapped in an AWESOME rack. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=542 |
| Playing Her Like A Fiddle | Dora: False alarm. Faye's okay, she just saw a big scary raccoon.
/ Faye: I'm serious, that thing was like a tiny, rotund bear. I'm bringing an elephant gun with me next time I go out back. I will have a new hat. A hat with a tail. / Raven: Okay! Dora and Marten, you're in charge of getting us some lunch. I'm hungry. Faye, you stay here with me to make sure I don't destroy the shop while they're gone.
/ Marten: Okay...
/ Dora: Well aren't WE little miss taskmaster today. Yes ma'am. / Faye: Just what are we up to, Raven? Decisiveness is not one of your usual virtues.
/ Raven: This is for your benefit, silly. You're going to get the phone book and find yourself a good therapist. I thought it might be easier without Marten and Dora lookin' over your shoulder. / Faye: You've got a gift, Raven. I dunno whether it's for being tactful or for lying out of your ASS, but I'm impressed either way.
/ Raven: I'm a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in an AWESOME rack. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=542# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Dora: So she was stalking you? Want me to sic my kitty on her?
/ Marten: No, she's harmless. At least I'm pretty sure she is. I think she just isn't all that good with people, y'know? / Dora: Such a kindhearted boy. One of these days some firebreathing hellbitch is going to snap you up and ruin it for the rest of womankind.
/ Marten: One might argue Faye has already accomplished this. / Dora: She hasn't ruined you, she's just got you all jumbled up inside. You'll sort it out eventually.
/ Marten: You know, I think you're the first person I've talked to about this who WASN'T all "make up your mind NOW!" about this whole situation.
/ Dora: I know you, Marten. You don't make sudden decisions. You sit and think and ponder and consider and think some more until you come up with something that makes sense to you. Then you stick with that come hell or high water. / Marten: Wow, I sound like a wishy-washy idiot.
/ Dora: You are, but it's cute. It makes girls either want to kiss you or smack you upside the head. Or both!
/ Remind me to invest in some breath mints and a helmet then. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=543 |
| No. 543: Either/Or | [[Street]]
/ Dora: So she was stalking you? Want me to sic my kitty on her?
/ Marten: No, she's harmless. At least I'm pretty sure she is. I think she just isn't all that good with people y'know? / Dora: Such a kindhearted boy. One of these days some firebreathing hellbitch is going to snap you up and ruin it for the rest of womankind.
/ Marten: One might argue Faye has already accomplished this. / Dora: She hasn't ruined you, she's just got you all jumbled up inside. You'll sort it out eventually.
/ Marten: You know, I think you're the first person I've talked to about this who WASN'T all "make up your mind NOW!" about this whole situation.
/ Dora: I know you, Marten. You don't make sudden decisions. You sit and think and ponder and consider and think some more until you come up with something that makes sense to you. Then you stick with that come hell or high water. / Marten: Wow, I sound like a wishy-washy idiot.
/ Dora: You are, but it's cute. It makes girls either want to kiss you or smack you upside the head. Or both!
/ Marten: Remind me to invest in some breath mints and a helmet then. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=543# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | PANEL 1:
/ [[Faye is looking through the phonebook.]]
/ FAYE: Rgh, this is hopeless. Raven, how am I supposed to know which shrinks are reputable and which ones will brainwash me and turn me into their sex slave?
/ RAVEN: Well, if it says they have a degree in brainwashing or slavery, that'd be a good tipoff.
/ PANEL 2:
/ HANNELORE: Um, hi Faye. Is Marten around?
/ FAYE: Hey there crazerina. Marten's out with Dora. I'm suprised you didn't know that already.
/ PANEL 3:
/ HANNELORE: Oh well uh okay, I'll be going now. Sorry to have bothered you.
/ FAYE: Wait a minute, can you help out a fellow crazy lady? I'm trying to find a good therapist in town but have no idea which one are good.
/ PANEL 4:
/ HANNELORE: Do what I did - pick one at random and then just start murdering them until you find one you like.
/ FAYE: Well, yeah that was gonna be my backup plan. I was just wondering if you had any recommendations.
/ HANNELORE: What, for therapists of for murder?
/ FAYE: Either one.
/ RAVEN: Would one of you please smile and say "J/K LOL" or something because you are SERIOUSLY CREEPING ME OUT. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=544 |
| Number 544: Another Either/Or Situation | [[Faye looks through a phonebook]]
/ Faye: Rgh, this is hopeless. Raven, how am I supposed to know which shrinks are reputable and which ones will brainwash me and turn me into their sex slave?
/ Raven: Well, if says they have a degree in brainwashing or slavery, that'd be a good tipoff. / [[Hannelore enters Coffee of Doom]]
/ Hannelore: Um, hi Faye. Is Marten around?
/ Faye: Hey there crazyerina. Marten's out with Dora. I'm surprised you didn't know that already. / Hannelore: Oh well uh okay, I'll be going now. Sorry to have bothered you.
/ Faye: Wait a minute, can you help out a fellow crazy lady? I"m trying to find a good therapist in town but have no idea which ones are good. / Hannelore: Do what I did—just pick one at random and then just start murdering them until you find one you like.
/ Faye: Well yeah, that was gonna be my backup plan. I was just wondering if you had any recommendations.
/ Hannelore: Wait, for therapists or for murder?
/ Faye: Either one.
/ Raven: Would one of you please smile and say "J/K LOL" or something because you are SERIOUSLY CREEPING ME OUT. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=544# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Comic number 545: Coversational / Panel 1
/ Marten: I wonder if it was wise for all of us to get burritos for lunch.
/ Dora: I would have gotten soft tacos but I'm not in the mood for double entendre today. / Panel 2
/ Marten: Would a triple entendre just mean whatever you literally said?
/ Dora: Yeah, totally. You'd be all "I'd like some hot sausage" and your friend is all "hurr hurr, I bet you would" and you're all "no really, I actually want a sausage. Stop being a dick." / Panel 3
/ Marten: Quadruple entendre are inexlicably refernces to ovscure British naval history.
/ Dora: Hah! You'd be all "I'd like some hot sausage" and old British naval professors are all "hurr hurr, I bet Admiral Puffington would have liked some sausage at the batte of Connach Strait" and you're all "what?" / Panel 4
/ Marten: Man, that's why I hate old British naval professors. Take 'em to a party and they just get drunk and leer at girls who are 1/4 their age, all "I'd like her to hoist my yardarm" and "I would't mind being HER cockswain, hurr hurr hurr."
/ Dora: Those sound more like pirate than professors.
/ Marten: Hmm. That'd explain why all my parties end in pillaging and swordfights.
/ Dora: Hurr hurr, "swordfights". http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=545 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | I wonder if it was wise for all of us to get burritos for lunch.
/ I would've gotten soft tacos but I'm not in the mood for double entendre today. / So would a triple entendre just mean whatever you literally said?
/ Yeah, totally. You'd be all "I'd like some hot sausage" and your friend is all "hurr hurr, I bet you would" and you're all "no really, I actually want a sausage. Stop being a dick." / Quadruple entendre are inexplicably references to obscure British naval history.
/ Hah! You'd be all "I'd like some hot sausage" and old British naval professors are all "hurr hurr, I bet Admiral Puffington would have liked some sausage at the battle of Connach Strait" and you're all "what?" / Man, that's why I hate old British naval professors. Take 'em to a party and they just get drunk and leer at girls who are 1/4 their age, all "I'd like her to hoist my yardarm" and "I would'nt mind being HER cockswain, hurr hurr hurr."
/ Those sound more like pirates than professors.
/ Hmm. That'd explain why all my parties end in pillaging and swordfights.
/ Hurr hurr, "swordfights". http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=545 |
| Number 545: Conversational | [[Marten and Dora outside, returning with lunch]]
/ Marten: I wonder if it was wise for all of us to get burritos for lunch.
/ Dora: I would have gotten soft tacos but I'm not in the mood fordouble entendre today. / Marten: So would a triple entendre just mean whatever you literally said?
/ Dora: Yeah, totally. You'd be all "I'd like some hot sausage" and your friend is all "hurr hurr, I bet you would" and you're all "no really, I actually want a sausage. Stop being a dick." / Marten: Quadruple entendre are inexplicably references to obscure British naval history.
/ Dora: Hah! You'd be all "I'd like some hot sausage" and old British naval professors are all "hurr hurr, I bet Admiral Puffington would have like some sausage at the battle of Connach Strait" and you're all "what?" / Marten: Man that's why I hate old British naval professors. Take 'em to a party and they just get drunk and leer at girls who are 1/4 their age, all "I'd like her to hoist my yardarm" and "I wouldn't mind being HER cockswain, hurr hurr hurr."
/ Dora: Those sound more like pirates than professors.
/ Marten: Hmm. That'd explain why all my parties end up in pillaging and swordfights.
/ Dora: Hurr hurr, "swordfights". http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=545# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[at Coffee of Doom]]Faye: So why were you looking for Marty anyway?
/ Hannelore: Oh uh I just had something I wanted to give to him.
/ Faye: Oh yeah? Can I see? / Hannelore: Yeah, heheh, I like making little things like this sometimes. I couldn't sleep last night so I made one for Marten.
/ Faye: It's a... little stuffed doll?
/ Raven: Aww, it's cute! Like a little voodoo doll! / [[Hannelore and Faye stare at Raven]] / [[Outside somewhere]]
/ Marten: Did you just grab my ass?
/ Dora: If I say no does it mean I get to now? http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=546 |
| 546: Arbitrarily Named Comic Strip | Faye: So why were you looking for Marty anyway?
/ Hannelore: Oh uh I had something I wanted to give him.
/ Faye: Oh yeah? Can I see? / Faye: It's a...little stuffed doll?
/ Raven: Aww, it's cute! Like a little voodoo doll!
/ Hannelore: Yeah, heheh, I like making little things like this sometimes. I couldn't sleep last night so I made one for Marten. / [[Faye looks at Raven]] / Marten: Did you just grab my ass?
/ Dora: If I say no does it mean I get to now? http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=546# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Dora: We come bearing delicious Mexican cuisine!
/ Faye: Excellent. Marty didn't meet any strnge ladies who were curiously fascinated with him, did he? / Dora: There were a couple, but I murdered them.
/ Faye: Excellent. We need to cull the weaker ones so he ends up with an evolutionarily benificial mate.
/ Marten: Great, suddenly I'm a giant panda. / Faye: Hey, after the amount of shit I've put you through I refuse yo let you settle for a mediocre girlfriend. You deserve the goddess Athena herself.
/ Marten: Knowing my luck, she'd be on the rebound after a messy breakup with Aries and not in the mood for commitment.
/ Dora: You know what they say, never trust a girl who leapt full grown out of her fathers head. / Marten: God, she must have been hell to date in high school. You bring Athena home five minutes after curfew and not only does Zeus smash you with a lightning bolt, he transforms into a goose and seduces your mom.
/ Dora: Funny, I never got the impression that Zeus was into MILFs.
/ Faye: You think THAT'S weird, you sgould check out Hephaestus' internet history, Ladies doing things with bellows that simply should not be done. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=547 |
| Number 547: Mythology | Dora: We come bearing delicious Mexican cuisine!
/ Faye: Excellent. Marty didn't meet any more strange ladies who were curiously fascinated with him, did he? / Dora: There were a couple, but I murdered them.
/ Faye: Excellent. We need to cull the weaker ones so he ends up with an evolutionarily beneficial mate.
/ Marten: Great, suddenly I'm a giant panda. / Faye: Hey, after the amount of shit I've put you through I refuse to let you settle for a mediocre girlfriend. You deserve the goddess Athena herself.
/ Marten: Knowing my luck, she'd be on the rebound after a messy breakup with Ares and not in the mood for commitment.
/ Dora: You know what they say, never trust a girl who leapt full-grown out of her father's forehead. / Marten: God, she must have been hell to date in high school. You bring Athena home five minutes after her curfew and not only does Zeus smite you with a lightning bolt, he transforms into goose and seduces your mom.
/ Dora: You thing THAT's weird, you should check out Hephaestus' internet history. Ladies doing things with bellows that simply should not be done. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=547# |
| Questionable Content: Number 548: Belle and Sebitchslap? | Faye: Look, all I'm saying is if it ever comes to blows, you take care of Stuart Murdoch and I'll beat the asses of everyone else in the band.
/ Marten: I'm still lost as to why we would ever need to fight Belle & Sebastian in the first place. They write nice songs!
/ Raven: Faye, show Marten the little doll Hannelore made for him.
/ Marten: Hannleore made this for me?
/ Faye: Yeah, she came by to drop it off but then skedaddled before you got back.
/ Marten: It's kinda cute!
/ Dora: Take off the pants, let's see if it's anatomically correct.
/ Faye: How about NO.
/ Marten: Yeah, Faye's right. I'd rather not.
/ Dora: Aww, how come?
/ Marten: Because if the doll is proportionally better hung than me I'd have to go jump off a bridge.
/ Faye: If it were exactly to scale I think the implications would be even more disturbing. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=548 |
| Number 548: Belle and Sebitchslap? | [[In Coffee of Doom]]
/ Faye: Look, all I'm saying is if it ever comes to blows, you take care of Stuart Murdoch and I'll beat the asses of everyone else in the band.
/ Marten: I'm still lost as to why we would ever need to fight Belle & Sebastian in the first place. They write nice songs!
/ Raven: Faye, show Marten the little doll Hannelore made for him. / Marten: Hannelore made this for me?
/ Faye: Yeah, she came by to drop it off but then skedaddled before you got back. / Marten: It's kinda cute!
/ Dora: Take off the pants, let's see if it's anatomically correct.
/ Faye: How about NO. / Marten: Yeah, Faye's right. I'd rather not.
/ Dora: Aww, how come?
/ Marten: Because if the doll is proportionally better hung than me I'd have to go jump off a bridge.
/ Faye: If it were exactly to scale I think the implications would be even more disturbing. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=548# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Dora: So what are your plans for tonight, kids?
/ Faye: I'm going to sit on the couch and eat bon-bons and watch horrible women's television programming.
/ Marten: I think I'm supposed to go play some music with Ellen's roommate Natasha and her boyfriend. / Dora: Ooh, gonna play rock-star? I'm a sucker for boys with big amplifiers. / Faye: What about you, spookypants? Any plans other than making yourself comfy on boys' laps?
/ Dora: Oh, not really. That's why I was asking you. And his lap is really comfy, you should try it sometime.
/ Faye: Thanks, but I'd break him. Anyway, wanna come over to my place? I can't promise I'll share any bon-bons, but there's plenty of room on the couch for your skinny butt. / Dora: Okay, but I vote for bullriding instead of women's programming.
/ Faye: Ooh, burly cowboys in tight Wranglers? All sweatin' and gettin' dirty?
/ Dora: Exactly. Rowr.
/ Marten: Dudes have Girls Gone Wild videos. Ladies have rednecks astride angry cattle. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=549 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Dora: So what are your plans for tonight, kids?
/ Faye: I'm going to sit on the couch and eat bon-bons and watch horrible women's television programing.
/ Martin: I think I'm supossed to go play some music with Ellen's roomate Natasha and her boyfriend. / [[Dora sits on Martin's lap]]
/ Dora: Ooh, gonna play rock-star? I'm a sucker for boys with big amplifiers. / Faye: What about you spooky-pants? Any plans other than making yourself comfy on boys' laps?
/ Dora: Oh, not really. That's why I was asking you. And his lap is really comfy, you should try it sometime.
/ Faye: Thanks, but I'd break him. Anyway, wanna come over to my place? I can't promise I'll share any of my bon-bons, but there's plenty of room on the couch for your skinny butt. / Dora: Okay, but I vote for bullriding instead of women's programing.
/ Faye: Ooh, burly cowboys in tight Wranglers? All sweatin' and gettin' dirty?
/ Dora: Exactly. Roar.
/ Martin: Dude have Girls Gone Wild videos. Ladies have angry rednecks astride angry cattle. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=549# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Marten: No, i'm serious. If William Shatner teamed up with Liars, they would record the greatest album of all time.
/ Faye: Leonard Nimoy would retaliate by collaborating with Junior Senior. / Marten: I think he's too busy taking moodily-lit pictures of chick's boobs nowadays.
/ Faye: Oh, is he the one responsible for American Apparel's advertising?
/ Marten: Nah, whoever takes their pictures is clearly more of an ass man.
/ Dora: Who are the Liars? / Faye: Imagine if you took Jim Morrison and locked him in a room with nothing but LSD and a recording console and asked him to write music about witches.
/ Marten: That's a bad analogy. I'm sure Jim Morrison did that on a regular basis. / Dora: I get it. Liars are one of those bands that indie rock snobs pretend to like because they think it will make them look smarter.
/ Marten: Heheh, that reminds me of my favorite joke. What's the best way to piss off an indie rock snob?
/ Faye: I dunno, what?
/ Marten: Actually enjoy music. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=550 |
| Number 550: They Were Wrong So We Complained | [[At Coffee of Doom]]
/ Marten: No, I'm serious. If William Shatner teamed up with Liars, they would record the greatest album of all time.
/ Faye: Leonard Nimoy would retaliate by collaborating with Junior Senior / Marten: I think he's too busy taking moodily-lit pictures of chicks' boobs nowadays.
/ Faye: Oh, is he the one responsible for American Apparels's advertising?
/ Marten: Nah, whoever takes their pictures is clearly more of an ass man. / Faye: Imagine if you took Jim Morrison and locked him in a room with nothing but a ton of LSD and a recording console and told him to write music about witches.
/ Marten: That's a bad analogy. I'm pretty sure Jim Morrison acually did that on a regular basis. / Dora: I get it. Liars are one of those bands that indie rock snobs pretend to like because they think it'll make them look smarter.
/ Marten: Heheh, that reminds me of my favorite joke. What's the best way to piss off an indie rock snob?
/ Faye: I dunno, what:
/ Marten: Actually enjoy music. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=550# |
| Questionable Content 551: Fifty Episodes Of Foreplay First | Marten: Okay, I better head home and get my gear for this band thing tonight. See you later, girls.
/ Dora: Have fun, Marten.
/ Faye: The road to VH1 Behind the Music begins today! Remember - fame THEN cocaine addiction, not the other way around. / Faye: Well, that wasn't so bad.
/ Dora: What do you mean?
/ Faye: Hanging out with Marty. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to have fun with him anymore, after what happened the other day. But it wasn't that awkward today! / Dora: I did my best to keep him distracted.
/ Faye: That you did. I'd thank you if I thought you were being the slightest bit altruistic.
/ Dora: Oh come on Faye, it was just a little harmless fun. Five minutes of me in his lap isn't going to make Marten utterly abandon you. Not if I have my pants on, anyway. / Faye: You really think he'd last five minutes? Poor guy is so blueballed he'd probably but a gasket thirty seconds in.
/ Dora: Hah! It'd be all anime-style- column of light shooting into the stratosphere, blast waves leveling the city, Marten climbing out of the rubble with inexplicably blonde, spiky hair...
/ Faye: I swear if you're leading into a Dragon Ball pun I will kill you. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=551 |
| Number 551: Fifty Episodes Of Foreplay First | Marten: Okay, I better head home and get my gear together for this band thing tonight. See you later, girls.
/ Dora: Have fun, Marten.
/ Faye: The road to a VH1 Behind the Music begins today! Remember- fame THEN cocaine addiction, not the other way around. / Faye: Well, that wasn't so bad.
/ Dora: What do you mean?
/ Faye: Hanging out with Marty. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to have fun with him anymore, after what happened the other day. But it wasn't that awkward today! / Dora: I did my best to keep him distracted.
/ Faye: That you did. I'd thank you if I thought you were being the slightest be altruistic.
/ Dora: Oh come on Faye, it was just a little harmless fun. Five minutes of me in his lap isn't going to make Marten utterly abandon you. Not if I have my pants on, anyway. / Faye: You really think he'd last five minutes? Poor guy is so blueballed he'd probably bust a gasket thirty seconds in.
/ Dora: Hah! It'd be all anime-style- column of light shooting into the stratosphere, blast wave levelling the city, Marten climbing out of the rubble with inexplicably blonde, spiky hair...
/ Faye: I swear if you're leading into a Dragon Ball pun I will kill you. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=551# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Pintsize: What are you doing?
/ Marten: I'm supposed to go play some music with some people. / Pintsize: Ohh, can I come along? I'll play drums!
/ Marten: What, you mean like a drum machine?
/ Pintsize: I prefer the term "robo-beatboxing". / Marten: Thanks for the offer, but I don't know if this is even going to be all that great. Stay home and behave yourself when Faye and Dora come back.
/ Pintsize: Are you SURE you don't want to take me along? I might seduce the both of them while you're out! / Pintsize: With my MAD ROBO-BEATBOXING SKILLS!
/ Marten: Of course, how silly of me. Nothing gets a lady hotter than a little blue robot going "doomp chik da-doomp doomp chik" in their ear.
/ Pintsize: And if you do a beat in 3/4 time, suddenly they become bicurious! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=552 |
| Number 553: Curiouser and Curiouser | [[Marten and Faye's Apartment]]
/ Pintsize: What are you doing?
/ Marten: I'm supposed to go play some music with some people / Pintsize: Ooh, can I come along? I'll play drums!
/ Marten: What, you mean like a drum machine?
/ Pintsize: I prefer the term "robo-beatboxing". / Marten: Thanks for the offer, but I don't know if this is even going to be all that great. Stay home and behave yourself when Faye and Dora come back.
/ Pintsize: Are you SURE you don't want to take me along? I might seduce both of them while you're out! / Pintsize: With my MAD ROBO-BEATBOXING SKILLS!
/ Marten: Of course, how silly of me. Nothing gets a lady hotter than a little blue robot going "doomp chik da-doomp doomp chik" in their ear.
/ Pintsize: And if you do a beat in 3/4 time, suddenly they become bicurious! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=552# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Marten arrives at Amir and Hatasha's practice place]] / Amir: Hey! You found the place after all!
/ Marten: Whoa, this is a pretty nice rehersal space. / Amir: Yeah, I'm buddies with the dude who owns the building. We can play here whenever we want as long as it's before 9pm.
/ Marten: Good deal. / Marten: So, uh...do you just want me to start playing?
/ Amir: Yeah, sure! Show us what you got!
/ Natasha: Whip out some killer lixx! / Marten: Oh man, I...I think I have performance anxiety. Like, literally.
/ Amir: It's cool dude, just relax! Imagine we're naked or something.
/ Natasha: For visual reference, Amir naked looks like a gorilla wearing a wool tanktop.
/ Marten: Great, now I have performance anxiety AND my sack just retreated iny my body cavity. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=553 |
| Number 553: That Never Helps | [[Amir's Rehearsal Space]]
/ Amir: Hey! You found the place after all!
/ Marten: Whoa, this is a pretty nice rehearsal space. / Amir: Yeah, I'm buddies with the dude who owns the building. We can play here whenever we want as long as it's before 9pm.
/ Marten: Good deal. / Marten: So, uh...do you just want me to start playing?
/ Amir: Yeah, sure! Show us what you got!
/ Natasha: Whip out some killer lixx! / Marten: Oh, man I...I think I have performance anxiety. Like, literally.
/ Amir: It's cool dude, just relax! Imagine we're naked or something.
/ Natasha: For visual reference, Amir naked looks like a gorilla wearing a wool tanktop.
/ Marten: Great, now I have performance anxiety AND my sack just retreated into my body cavity. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=553# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Marten: Hey, that last song was pretty good!
/ Amir: Yeah, it was mellow but fun.
/ Natasha: Ugh, I feel guilty for playing that. It sounded like Pavement on Sesame Street. / Amir: I dunno Nat, I think this could be fun. Take it in a different direction, y'know? Instead of abrasive electro-grindcore we could do stuff that people actually enjoy listening to.
/ Natasha: Can I at least pretend that I'm only IRONICALLY playing this stuff?
/ Amir: Sure, whatever. What do you say, Marten? You in?
/ Marten: Yeah, totally. This has been fun. / Amir: Excellent! Now, all we need is a band name and we're all set.
/ Marten: How about "15 Year Anthem"? Or maybe "The Alan Sparhawk Project"?
/ Natasha: Deathmole! Deathmole! Deathmole! Deathmole! / Marten: No offense, but I dunno if "Deathmole" is really appropriate for our sound.
/ Amir: Yeah, I'm with Marten on this-
/ Natasha: I will withhold sex for a month if we do not name this band Deathmole.
/ Amir: Okay, Deathmole it is! I'll get started on a logo design tomorrow. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=554 |
| Number 554: A Democratic Decision | Marten:
/ Amir:
/ Natasha: / Amir:
/ Natasha:
/ Amir:
/ Marten: / Amir:
/ Marten:
/ Natasha: / Marten:
/ Amir:
/ Natasha:
/ Amir: http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=554# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: Augh, of COURSE the ex-husband is the one who kidnapped her. Let me guess, he's also an alcoholic and used to hit her with a shovel or something while they were married.
/ Dora: Don't worry, One-Dimensional Female Protagonist, I'm sure Plucky Best Friend Who Is Possibly a Lesbian will realize you've gone missing soon enough. / Faye: And that'd be Hannelore vacuuming her apartment. At ten in the evening.
/ Dora: We should go rescue her from her compulsion. / Faye: Hmm, maybe if we drag her down here she'll start cleaning the apartment for me.
/ Dora: You're awful.
/ Faye: I'm not awful, I just believe that neuroses should be put to constructive use. / Dora: I'm trying to think of a constructive use for YOUR psychological problems and all I can think of is "makes other women look saner by comparison."
/ Faye: Hmpf. It's also a very efficient method of birth control and STD protection.
/ Dora: For you and Marten both.
/ Faye: Thpppt. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=555 |
| Number 555: Next On Lifetime | [[Faye and Dora are watching Lifetime TV]]
/ Faye: Augh, of COURSE the ex-husband is the one who kidnapped her. Let me guess, he's also an alcoholic and used to hit her with a shovel or something while they were married.
/ Dora: Don't worry, One-Dimentional Female Protagonist, I'm sure Plucky Best Friend Who Is Possibly A Lesbian will realize you've gone missing soon enough. / [[Vacuuming noises start from upstairs]]
/ Faye: And that'd be Hannelore vacuuming her apartment. At ten in the evening.
/ Dora: We should go rescue her from her compulsion. / [[Vacuuming continues]]
/ Faye: Hmm, maybe if we drag her down here she'll start cleaning the apartment for me.
/ Dora: You're awful.
/ Faye: I'm not awful, I just believe that neuroses should be put to constructive use. / [[Vacuuming continues]]
/ Dora: I'm trying to think of a constructive use for YOUR psychological problems and all I can think of is "makes other women look saner by comparison".
/ Faye: Hmph. It's also a very efficient method of birth control and STD protection.
/ Dora: For you and Marten both.
/ Faye: Thpppt http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=555# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: Knock knock! Hannelore? It's Faye and her trusty sidekick Dora!
/ Dora: Put down the featherduster and keep your hands where we can see them!
/ Hannelore: Oh, hello. Was I making too much noise? I'm really sorry, I can stop cleaning...
/ Faye: No no, we were just wondering if you'd like to come downstairs and watch some TV with us instead.
/ Dora: If TV's not your thing, I'm sure Faye's underware drawer could use some sorting.
/ Faye: Hmm. Better her than Pintsize, I suppose.
/ Hannelore: Oh! Um....okay? Yes! Okay! Let me go get out of my cleaning clothes. Do you... um, you can come in if you want. I'm really sorry about how filthy it is in here.
/ Dora: You know, the respirator makes sense, but what's the deal with the hardhat?
/ Hannelore: You can never be too prepared with it comes to cleaning.
/ Faye: I bet it's lined with tinfoil.
/ Dora: Hush, Faye.
/ [[Faye and Dora invite Hannelore for movie]] http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=556 |
| Number 556: Be Prepared | [[Faye knocks on Hannelore's apartment door]]
/ Faye: Knock knock! Hannelore? It's Faye and her trusty sidekick Dora!
/ Dora: Put down the featherduster and keep your hands where we can see them! / [[Hannelore answers the door in hardhat and respirator]]
/ Hannelore: Oh, hello. Was I making too much noise? I'm really sorry, I can stop cleaning...
/ Faye: No, no, we were just wondering if you'd like to come downstairs and watch some TV with us instead. / Dora: If TV's not your thing, I'm sure Faye's underwear drawer could use some sorting.
/ Faye: Hmm. Better her than Pintsize, I suppose.
/ Hannelore: Oh! Um... okay? Yes! Okay! Let me go get out of my cleaning clothes. Do you... um, you can come in if you want. I'm really sorry about how filthy it is in here. / Dora: You know, the respirator makes sense, but what's the deal with the hardhat?
/ Hannelore: You can never be too prepared when it comes to cleaning.
/ Faye: I bet it's lined with tinfoil.
/ Dora: Hush, Faye. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=556# |
| Number 557: Highly Effective Treatment | Hannelore: Aww, look at that adorable bull! He's got dalmation spots!
/ Faye: Who's lookin' at the bull? I'm busy ogling cute cowboy bottoms.
/ Dora: "Cowboy Bottoms"? I think I've seen that porn before. / Faye: So, Hannelore, can I get the number for your therapist? I meant to ask you earlier but you skedaddled before I could.
/ Hannelore: Oh, sure. You'll like her, she's really nice.
/ Dora: Oh my god, did the announcer really just say "GIt 'r done" unironically? / Faye: I'm not sure if I need someone really nice or someone willing to kick me in the ass and tell me to stop being so crazy.
/ Hannelore: Oh don't worry, my therapist can be tough when she needs to be.
/ Dora: Put up a sign for that in the coffeeshop and there'd be a line around the block. / Hannelore: Back when I was REALLY bad, she used to squirt me with a water pistol if she caught me counting the books in her bookcase or alphabetizing the magazines on her coffee table.
/ Faye: Hmm, hydrophobia instead of intimacy issues? Sounds like a fair trade to me.
/ Dora: "It kisses the boy or it gets the hose again." I like it! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=557 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[in Faye and Martin's living room]]
/ Hannelore: Awwe, look at that adorable bull! He's got dalmation spots!
/ Faye: Who's lookin' at the bull? I'm busy ogling cute cowboy bottoms.
/ Dora: "Coyboy Bottoms"? I think I've seen that porn before. / Faye: So Hannelore, can I get the number of your therapist? I meant to ask you earlier but you skedaddled before I could.
/ Hannelore: Oh, sure. You'll like her. She's really nice.
/ Dora: Oh my god. Did the announcer just say "Git 'r done" unironicly? / Faye: I'm not sure if I need someone really nice or someone willing to kick me in the arse and tell me to stop being so crazy.
/ Hannelore: Oh don't worry. My therapist can be tough when she needs to be.
/ Dora: Put up a sign for that in the coffee shop and there'd be a line around the block. / Hannelore: Back when I was REALLY bad, she used to squirt me with a water pistol if she caught me counting the books in her bookcase or alphabetizing the magazines on her coffee table.
/ Faye: Hmm, hydrophobia instead of intimacy issues? Sounds like a fair trade to me.
/ Dora: "It kisses the boy or gets the hose again". I like it. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=557# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Faye and Dora sitting on the couch, watching a rodeo on television]]
/ Faye: Ooh, horn to the balls! That bull is totally going to get high-fives from his buddies back in the corral.
/ Dora: Ssh, I think Hannelore fell asleep. / [[Faye looks over at Hannelore, who is sleeping on the other end of the couch.]]
/ Faye: Aww. We'd better let her be. She looks like she's been awake for days.
/ Dora: Yeah, she's got that whole Night of the Living Dead thing going. Speaking of going, I think it's time I headed home and got some rest myself.
/ [[Dora gets her coat.]] / [[Dora and Faye walking toward the door.]]
/ Faye: Aww, you're not gonna stick around until Marty gets home?
/ Dora: Nah, I need teh sleepzorz. Grab his ass for me when he comes in. / Faye: Don't you think that'd be kind of mixed signals coming from me?
/ Dora: You? Sending mixed signals to Marten? Perish the thought.
/ Faye: Do you think the sound of me slapping that smirk off your face would wake Hannelore? http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=558 |
| Number 558: Threats! | Faye: Ooh, horn to the balls! That bull is totally going to get high-fives from his buddies back in the corral.
/ Dora: Ssh, I think Hannelore fell asleep / Faye: Aww. We'd better let her be. She looks like she's been awake for days.
/ Dora: Yeah, she's got that whole Nigh of the Living Dead thing going. Speaking of going, I think it's time I headed home and got some rest myself. / Faye: Aww, you're not gonna stick around until Marty gets home?
/ Dora: Nah, I need teh sleepzorz. Grab his ass for me when he comes in. / Faye: Don't you think that'd be kind of mized signals coming from me?
/ Dora: You? Sending mized signals to Marten? Perish the thought.
/ Faye: Do you think the sound of me slapping that smirk off your face would wake Hannelore? http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=558# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: Well if you're leaving and Marty's not back yet, I may as well go to sleep myself.
/ Dora: Righty-o. See you tomorrow, Faye. And you know I'm not really tryin' to hurt your feelings with the smirking and jokes, right?
/ Faye: I can take anything you can dish out, honey. Don't you worry about me.
/ Dora: Okay. Nighty night. / Dora: Marten! How was band practice? Did you ROCK OUT?
/ Marten: A little, yeah. You heading home?
/ Dora: Uh, actually I was gonna go get some food. Wanna come along?
/ Marten: Sure, lemme drop my gear off at the apartment and let Faye know. / Dora: Don't worry about Faye, she went to bed. And Hanneiore's passed out on your couch, so you better be quiet.
/ Marten: Oh! Yeah, sure. Be right back then. / Dora: It's a very good thing there's nobody around to see my crafty little grin, because I am utterly failing to conceal it. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=559 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Number 559: A Monologue
/ [[Outside Faye and Marten's apartment, Dora is leaving]] / Faye: Well if you're leaving and Marty's not back yet, I may as well go to sleep myself.
/ Dora: Righty-o. See you tomorrow, Faye. And you know I'm not really tryin' to hurt your feelings with the smirking and jokes, right?
/ Faye: I can take anything you can dish out, honey. Don't you worry about me.
/ Dora: Okay. Nighty night. / [[Dora runs into Marten as she exits his apartment building]]
/ Dora: Marten! How was band practice? Did you ROCK OUT?
/ Marten: A little, yeah. You heading home?
/ Dora: Uh, actually I was gonna go get some food. Wanna come along?
/ Marten: Sure, lemme drop my gear off at the apartment and let Faye know. / Dora: Don't worry about Faye, she went to bed. And Hannelore's passed out on your couch, so you better be quiet.
/ Marten: Oh! Yeah, sure. Be right back then. / [[Dora standing alone]]
/ Dora: It's a very good thing there's nobody around to see my crafty little grin, because I am utterly failing to conceal it. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=559# |
| Questionable Content Number 560: It's About Clothing | {{title text: Number 560: It's About Clothing}}
/ Marten: Is that the same black trenchcoat you were wearing the other day?
/ Dora: Nope, this is a different one.
/ Marten: Haha, how many black trenchcoats do you HAVE? / Dora: Two, mister smartass. And how many black hoodies are lurking in YOUR closet?
/ Marten: Man I don't even know. I think they're reproducing back there. / [[Dora punches Marten twice in his arm]]
/ Dora: Good Lord, don't tell me even your CLOTHES are getting more action than you. < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=560 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Dora and Martin are walking down the street at night.]]
/ Marten: Is that the same black trenchcoat you were wearing the other day?
/ Dora: Nope, this is a different one.
/ Marten: Haha, how many black trenchcoats do you HAVE?
/ Dora: Two, mister smartass. And how many black hoodies are lurking in YOUR closet?
/ Marten: Man I don't even know. I think they're reproducing back there.
/ Dora: [[punching Marten's arm]] Good Lord, don't tell me even your CLOTHES are getting more action than you.
/ Marten: I'm starting to think I might be one of those lichen that reproduce asexually. I'm going to start budding any day now.
/ Dora: We could give Faye your clone and save you a lot of future drama.
/ Marten: I'm pretty sure that would turn him into my evil twin. Which would be really frustrating for him since I'm utterly incapable of growing a decent goatee. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=560# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Dora: Bacon cheeseburger, medium well, with extra fries, a coke, and a cup of coffee.
/ Marten: I'll just have a hamburger and a coke please. / Dora: I wouldn't normally order that much food, but I kinda forgot to eat dinner earlier.
/ Marten: Haha, I do that all the time. All "hurr why am I so hungry oh wait it's nine and I haven't eaten anything today." / Dora: Well there's one thing we have in common, anyway. A year ago I totally wouldn't have pegged you as the kind of guy I'd get along with.
/ Marten: Haha, really? I'm amazed you put up with me now. I'm wishy-washy, I overthink everything, I'm incapable of asserting myself... / Dora: I don't think you can use your relationship with Faye as a gauge for the rest of you as a person. That's like saying all Australians are evil just because they brought the rest of the world Vegemite and the Crocodile Hunter.
/ Marten: Australians make up for it with koalas and funny accents, though.
/ Dora: You're way cuter than a koala, and when you start talking about bands it might as well be impenetrable Australian slang to me anyway. I think you're even. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=561 |
| Number 561: QC Loves Aussies | Dora: Bacon cheese burger, medium well, with extra fries, a coke, and a cup of coffee.
/ Marten: I'll just have a hamburger and a coke please. / Dora: I wouldn't normally order that much food, but I kinda forgot to eat dinner earlier.
/ Marten: Haha, I do that all the time. All "hurr why am I so hungry oh wait it's nine PM and I haven't eaten anything today." / Dora: Well there's one thing we have in common, anyway. A year ago I totally wouldn't have pegged you as the kind of guy I'd get along with.
/ Marten: Haha, really? I'm amazed you put up with me now. I'm wishy-washy, I overthink everything, I'm incapable of asserting myself... / Dora: I don't think you can use your relationship with Faye as a gauge for the rest of you as a person. that's like saying all Australians are evil just because they brought the rest of the world Vegemite and the Crocodile Hunter.
/ Marten: Australians make up for it with koalas and funny accents, though.
/ Dora: You're way cuter than a koala, and when you start talking about bands it might as well be impenetrable Australian slang to me anyway. I think you're even. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=561# |
| Number 562: Post-Dinner Conversation | Panel 1
/ [Dora] ...so Raven will never admit it, but the REAL reason she has stretch marks in funny places is she was about twenty pounds heavier in college.
/ [Marten] Ah, the "freshman fifteen" brought some friends to the party too, huh. / Panel 2
/ [Dora] Yeah, and then she maintained it with a steady diet of french fries and sulking.
/ [Marten] Really? You know it's funny, I can't really see either of you as the typical angsty, depressed goth chicks. You're honestly pretty cheerful.
/ [Dora] Hah, we weren't always as chipper as we seem these days. We both totally went through the whole world-hating phase, but we grew out of it eventually. / Panel 3
/ [Dora] In Raven's case, it was several months of strict dieting when she got out of school and then hey, suddenly boys were NOTICING her again! She cheered up after that, mostly. / For me, it was just the realization that all the stuff I used to whine about - not being as popular as Sven, my teensy rack, et cetera- it was all bullshit and didn't actually MATTER. / It was like, here I am totally kicking ass at life, running a business and making friends and just generally being a sassy little motherfucker. Why waste my time worrying about that other shit? / Panel 4
/ [Marten] Sounds like a pretty good philosophy to me.
/ [Dora] Yeah, it'd be a great philosophy... if I could actually get myself to believe it. I'm every bit as angsty as I used to be. I just try to hide it more now.
/ [Marten] Welcome to the club. Your laminated ID card and membership certificate should arrive by mail in 2-6 weeks. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=562 |
| Number 562: Post-Dinner Conversation | Dora: ...So Raven will never admit it, but the REAL reason she has stretch marks in funny places is she was about twenty pounds heavier in college.
/ Marten: Ah, the "freshman fifteen" brought some friends to the party too, huh. / Dora: Yeah, and then she maintained it with a steady diet of friend fries and sulking
/ Marten: Really? you know it's funny, I can't really see either of you as the typical angsty, depressed goth chicks. You're honestly pretty cheerful.
/ Dora: Ha, we weren't always as chipper as we seem these days. We both totally went through the whole world-hating phase, but we grew out of it eventually. / Dora: In Raven's case, it was several months of strict dieting when she got out of school and then hey, suddenly boys were NOTICING her again! She cheered up after that, mostly.
/ For me it was just the realization that all the stuff I used to whine about—not being as popular as Sven, my teensy rack, et cetera—it was all bullshit and didn't actually MATTER.
/ It was like, here I am totally kicking ass at life, running a business and making friends and just being a sassy little motherfucker. Why waste my time worrying about that other shit? / Marten: Sounds like a pretty good philosophy to me.
/ Dora: Yeah, it'd be a great philosophy... if I could actually get myself to believe it. I'm every bit as angsty as I used to be. I just try to hide it more now.
/ Marten: Welcome to the club. Your laminated ID card and membership certificate should arrive by mail in 2-6 weeks. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=562# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Dora and Martin walking down a street; Dora leaning against Martin]]
/ Dora: Brrr. It's getting chilly out.
/ Martin: Do you, uh, want my hoodie?
/ Dora: Nah, I'll be okay. / [[Outside Dora's Apartment]]
/ Martin: So, uh. here's your apartment...
/ Dora: I'm pretty wired from all that coffee. Are you tired?
/ Martin: No, not really. I did have like six cokes. / [[Inside Dora's Apartment building]]
/ Dora: Well, let's go up on the roof. It's got a nice view.
/ Martin: Oh yeah? But won't you be cold? / Dora: Maybe, but I can just gut you and climb inside your carcass to keep warm.
/ Martin: Oh, of course. That way you won't have to do something rash, like going all the way down to your apartment and getting a sweater.
/ Dora: Cashmere is comfy, but it just can't compare with steaming human entrails.
/ Martin: Try telling THAT to human-rights activists. "Steaming human entrails are murder!" they yell, all throwin' ketchup on your brand-new intestine jacket. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=563 |
| Number 563: Serial Killer Couture | Dora: Brrr. It's getting chilly out.
/ Marten: Do you, uh, want my hoodie?
/ Dora: Nah, I'll be ok. / Marten: So, uh, here's your apartment...
/ Dora: I'm pretty wired from all that coffee. Are you tired?
/ Marten: No, not really. I did have like six cokes. / Dora: Well, let's go up on the roof. It's got a nice view.
/ Marten: Oh yeah? But won't you be cold? / Dora: Maybe, but I can just gut you and climb inside your carcass to keep warm.
/ Marten: Oh, of course. That way you won't have to do something rash, like going all the way down to your apartment and getting a sweater.
/ Dora: Cashmere is comfy, but it just can't compare with steaming human entrails.
/ Marten: Try telling THAT to human-rights activists. "Steaming human entrails are murder!" they yell, all throwin' ketchup on your brand-new intestine jacket. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=563# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | there, i'm all bundled up. happy now?
/ aw, i was...uh, i was kinda not mindin' you leaning on me earlier... / well how about i sit close to you and keep us both warm then.
/ O-okay. Gah, I'm sorry I'm being such a dumbass. I'm just not used to the whole "physical contact not being a big huge deal for girls who aren't Faye" thing. / Well, an entire relationship based around saying one thing and doing another is bound to confuse anyone.
/ Yeah...I dunno. I can accept the fact that she doesn't want to date me, for whatever reason. but that's depressing because now it's like, here I've been pursuing her all this time and being patient for nothing... / This isn't all about her, though. What do YOU want?
/ Shit, I just want to be HAPPY. I wish rellationships weren't always so complicated. / They don't have to be. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=564# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Dora: ...So Raven will never admit it, but the REAL reason she has stretch marks in funny places is she was about twenty pounds heavier in college.
/ Martin. Ah, the "freshman fifteen" brought some friends to the party too, huh. / Dora: Yeah, and then she maintained it with a steady diet of french fries and sulking.
/ Martin: Really? You know it's funny, I can't see either of you as the typical angsty, depressed goth chicks. You're honestly pretty cheerful.
/ Dora: Hah, we weren't always so chipper as we seem these days. We both totally went through the whole world-hating phase, but we grew out of it eventually. / Dora: In Raven's case, it was several months of strict dieting when she got out of school and then hey, suddenly boys were NOTICING her again! She cheered up after that, mostly. For me, it was the realization that all the stuff I used to whine about- not being as popular as Sven, my teensy rack, et cetera- it was all bullshit and didn't actually MATTER. It was like, here I am totally kicking arse as life, running a business and generally being a sassy little motherfucker. Why waste my time worrying about that other shit? / Martin: Sounds like a pretty good philosophy to me.
/ Dora: Yeah, it'd be a great philosophy... if I could actualyl get myself to believe it. I'm every bit as angsty as I used to be. I just try to hide it more now.
/ Martin: Welcome to the club. Your laminated ID card and membership certificate should arrive by mail in 2-6 weeks. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=565 |
| Questionable Content: | [[Marten and Dora hanging out after "the kiss heard round the world!"]]
/ Marten: Wow, that was...
/ Dora: THAT was an attempt to get you to stop beating yourself up and notice the girl right in front of you. A real Dora-kiss is roughly eleven times more discombobulating. / Marten: Dora, I...
/ Dora: Now hang on, let me say my piece. I like you, Marten. I'd like to pursue a relationship with you. But if the feeling's not 100% mutual, I want you to tell me. I hope it doesn't have to be, but tonight can be a one time thing. / Marten: No, I...I do like you. I want to pursue this too.
/ Dora: Okay, that brings us to question number two: what do we do about Faye? I know "all's fair in love and war" or whatever, but I don't like going behind her back. This is a fucked up situation, but I really don't want this to hur Faye any more that it has to.
/ Marten: Why don't we just tell her the truth? I think honestly will count for something. I'll tell her when I get home. / Dora: That's a good plan, but you realize I won't be able to give you any more kisses if she murders me, right?
/ Marten: What about hot, hot necrophilia makeouts?
/ Dora: Nuh-uh, honey. You're not getting a piece of this ass if I'm not around to enjoy it too. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=565# |
| 566: Tell the Truth, Tell the Truth | MARTEN: Hey, Faye? Are you awake? I kinda need to talk to you.
/ FAYE: Marty? It's like four in the morning. Are you just getting back from band practice?
/ MARTEN: No, I uh...ran into Dora on the way home. We went out to get some food and ended up hanging out for a while. / FAYE: Oh really. Let me guess, then she smothered you in kisses and confessed her long-held, poorly-supressed affections for you.
/ MARTEN: W-well, she didn't SMOTHER me. It was more like one kiss and then we talked about things.
/ FAYE: ...yeah, can't say I'm surprised. / MARTEN: Huh? What do you mean?
/ FAYE: Come on, Marty. I'm not an IDIOT. I knew when I said romantic things couldn't happen between you and I that it was only a matter of time before Dora made a move. She's had a crush on you since, like, forever ago. I didn't think it'd be quite THIS soon, but yeah. / MARTEN: Jesus fuckin' Christ, am I the only person on earth who was caught off-guard by any of this?
/ FAYE: Marten, we're LADIES. We operate on a whole other plane of existence when it comes to plotting and drama. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=566 |
| Number 566: Tell The Truth, Tell The Truth | Marten: Hey, Faye? Are you awake? I kinda need to talk to you.
/ Faye: Marty? It's like four in the morning. Are you just getting back from band practice?
/ Marten: No, I uh... I ran into Dora on the way home. We went out to get some food and ended up hanging out for a while / Faye: Oh really. Let me guess, then she smothered you in kisses and confessed her long-held, poorly-suppressed affections for you.
/ Marten: W-well, she didn't SMOTHER me. It was more like one kiss and then we talked about things.
/ Faye: ...Yeah, can't say I'm surprized. / Marten: Huh? What do you mean?
/ Faye: Come on, Marty. I'm not an IDIOT. I knew when I said romantic things couldn't happen between you and I that it was only a matter of time before Dora made a move. She's had a crush on you since, like, forever ago. I didn't think it'd be quite THIS soon, but yeah. / Marten: Jesus fuckin' Christ, am I the only person on earth who was caught off guard by any of this?
/ Faye: Marten, we're LADIES. We operate on a whole other plane of existence when it comes to plotting and drama. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=566# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: So... do you want to date Dora?
/ Marten: Yeah, I... I think so. I mean, she likes me and I like her so... yeah. Are you alright?
/ Faye: Yes, Marty, I'm all right. / Marten: Are you sure? I mean, I know its awfully soon and -
/ Faye: Hush, Marten. You really want to know how I fell? It hurts. It hurts because under different circumstances it could have been me and you kissin' instead of you and Dora. It hurts because I know I fucked you around for the longest time, all because I was afraid, and then when I finally did stop leading you on I couldn't give you the answer you deserved. So yeah, it hurts. It makes me sad. But its my fault anyway. / Marten: Faye, that wasn't your fault. You couldn't help-
/ Faye: I knew I couldn't help it, but that doesn't mean I'm exempt from the consequences. And the consequences of my actiosn are that I missed out on my chance with you, and Dora honestly deserves hers. It would be wrong of me to try and stand in the way. Besides, Marten. I want you to be happy. If Dora can make you happy, then that's what I want for you. / Marten: Faye I... where are you going?
/ Faye: I'm going to put the fear of God into our skinny little Italo-Swede friend. She might have her clawas in you now, but the bitch is gonna have to earn it. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=567 |
| Number 567: This Boy Is Exhausted | [[Faye and Marten sitting in Faye's Room]]
/ Faye: So...do you want to date Dora?
/ Marten: Yeah, I...I think so. I mean, she likes me and I like her, so...yeah. Are you all right?
/ Faye: Yes Marty, I'm all right. / [[Faye's eyes are tearing]]
/ Marten: Are you sure? I mean, I know it's awfully soon and -
/ Faye: Hush, Marten. You really want to know how I feel? It hurts. It hurts because under different circumstances it could have been me and you kissin' instead of you and Dora. It hurts because I know I fucked you around for the longest time, all because I was afraid, and then when I finally stopped leading you on I couldn't give the answer you deserved. So yeah, it hurts. It makes me sad. But it's my fault anyway. / [[Faye is smiling, with tears on her face, resting a hand on Marten's shoulder]]
/ Marten: Faye, that wasn't your fault. You couldn't help -
/ Faye: I know I couldn't help it, but that doesn't mean I'm exempt from the consequences. And the consequences of my actions are that I missed my chance with you, and Dora honestly deserves hers. It would be wrong of me to try and stand in the way.
/ Faye: Besides, Marten. I want you to be happy. If Dora can make you happy, then that's what I want for you. / [[Faye gets up and walks away cleaning her tears with her index finger]]
/ Marten: Faye, I...where are you going?
/ Faye: I'm going to put the fear of God into our skinny little Italo-swede friend. She might have her claws in you now, but the bitch is gonna have to earn it. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=567# |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | BAM
/ BAM
/ BAM
/ BAM
/ BAM / -- / Faye: TWO DAYS? TWO FRIGGIN DAYS?! / Dora: I know. It was a shitty thing for me to do. I've been up ever since Marten left, just feeling awful about it. Go on, beat the crap out of me if you want. I deserve it. / Faye: It WAS a shitty thing to do. But it was shitty of me to get us in this position in the first place. So as much as my feelings are hurt right now, and they're pretty fuckin' hurt, lemme tell ya, I can't blame you for actin' the way you did towards Marty tonight. I really want to, but i can't. / Dora: But I DESERVE the blame! I slipped up tonight and let my stupid, selfish desires thake priority over your feelings. A real friend wouldn't have done that. A good person wouldn't have done that. / Faye: Dora stop freaking out. You're not a bad person. Put this in perspective. My dad killed himself in front of me. You made kisses with a boy we've both got feelings for. It's like comparing a plane crash with a papercut. / Dora: But if you've been in a plane crash, that papercut could be what finally sends you into shock and kills you. / Faye: Honey, I refuse to die because of a figurative sheet of loose-leaf. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=568 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[dora is sleep deprived, anxious and curled up on her couch]]
/ [[faye bangs on the door to her apartment]]
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=568# |
| Number 569: Cocoa is an Excellent Peace Offering | Dora: Faye, I'm so sorry about all of this. Can we still be friends?
/ Faye: Do you still want to date Marty? / Dora: I...I do, but if you don't want me to I'd rather be disappointed by that than have you hate me.
/ Faye: I won't hate you, as long as you treat him right and don't steal him away entirely. I need you guys; you're my friends. As long as you don't abandon me, I won't abandon you.
/ Dora: You know, you're honestly handling this a lot better than I was expecting. Are you SURE you're okay? / Faye: I've been better, but I'll manage. I do think I might go home to Savannah for a couple days. Get some space and perspective on all this. Visit my mom and sis, see if I can't put some old ghosts to rest. Would that be okay with you? I mean, with work and all?
/ Dora: Yeah, of course. Raven and I can handle things while you're away.
/ Faye: So...one last question. / Dora: Yeah?
/ Faye: Is Marten a good kisser?
/ Dora: He's pretty good. I mean, he's not one of those dudes who tries to stick their tongue down your throat, he's very...uh...goddamnit it feels really weird to be discussing this with you.
/ Faye: Haha, doesn't it? It's like talkin' about blowjobs with your mom.
/ Dora: Please never use those two words in the same sentence ever again. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=569 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Dora's apartment]]Dora: Faye, I'm so sorry about all of this. Can we still be friends?
/ Faye: Do you still want to date Marty?
/ Dora: I...I do, but if you don't want me to I'd rather be disappointed by that than have you hate me.
/ Faye: I won't hate you, as long as you treat him right and don't steal him away entirely. I need you guys, you're my friends. As long as you don't abandon me, I won't abandon you.
/ Dora: You know, you're honestly handling this a lot better than I was expecting. Are you SURE you're okay?
/ Faye: I've been better, but I'll manage. I do think I might go home to Savannah for a couple days. Get some space and perspective on all this. Visit my mom and sis, see if I can't put some old ghosts to rest. Would that be okay with you? I mean, with work and all?
/ Dora: Yeah, of course. Raven and I can handle things while you're away.
/ Faye: So...one last question.
/ Dora: Yeah?
/ Faye: Is Marten a good kisser?
/ Dora: He's pretty good, I mean he's not one of those dudes who tries to stick their tongue down your throat, he's very...uh...goddamnit it feels really weird to be discussing this with you.
/ Faye: Haha, doesn't it? It's like talkin' about blowjobs with your mom.
/ Dora: Please never use those two words in the same sentence ever again. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=569# |
| Number 570: She Missed It All | PANEL 1:
/ Hannelore: Yawwwn! / PANEL 2:
/ Hannelore: Oh man, that was the best sleep I've had in months. Thank you for not waking me up!
/ ...Hey, you two look really tired. What kept you guys up all night? / PANEL 3:
/ [[Silence, Marten and Faye looking at each other]] / PANEL 4:
/ Hannelore: Oh no, was I snoring? I was snoring! That's what kept you awake! I'm so sorry, I promise I'll never pass out on your couch again and if I do I'll wear one of those nasal strip thingies even though they're sticky and I hate sticky things because germs get stuck to them and I HATE germs and / Marten: If I could get a word in edgewise I'd tell her. / Faye: Don't worry about it. If she doesn't stop to take a breath soon, she'll pass out and we can carry her upstairs. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=570 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | [[Stretching her arms and sitting up on the couch]]Hannelore: Yawwwn!
/ [[In the kitchen]]Hannelore: Oh man, that was the best sleep I've had in months. Thank you for not waking me up! Hey, you two look really tired. What kept you guys up all night? [[Marten and Faye stare at each other]]
/ Hannelore: Oh no, was I snoring? I was snoring! That's what kept you awake! I'm so so sorry, I promise I'll never pass out on your couch again and if I do I'll wear one of those nasal strip thingies even though they're sticky and I hate sticky things because germs get stuck to them and I HATE germs and...
/ Marten: If I could get a word in edgewise I'd tell her.
/ Faye: Don't worry about it. If she doesn't stop to take a breath soon, she'll pass out and we can carry her upstairs. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=570# |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 >>