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| Number 391: All Life Is Suffering | [[Steve and Marten, bringing back Chinese food to the new apartment]]
/ Steve: So are you happy with the new place?
/ Marten: Oh yeah, totally! / Steve: Do you think it will change things with you and Faye?
/ Marten: Hmm? No, I doubt it. But y'know, whatever.
/ Steve: Whatever? / Steve: Marten, this isn't good. You're getting complacent. If you really have the hots for her you should be trying to progress things!
/ Marten: I dunno. I mean things aren't that bad as they are right now, you know? I've got some kickass friends, three-fourths of whom are hot chicks, and one of whom I may get to do the horizontal demolition derby with if I play my cards right.
/ Marten: I'm willing to take things slow and see how they develop. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the ride. / Steve: You know, you're being really mature about this. Clearly you've been around the women-folk for too long. You're starting to think like one.
/ Marten: And I'm sure Ellen would love to hear you making sexist remarks like that one.
/ Steve: There, see? You did it again! It's freakin' me out! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=391 |
| Number 392: She's Been Hanging Out With Faye Too Long | Panel 1:
/ Ellen: Heloooo![sic] Nat, are you home? / Panel 2:
/ Amir: She's, uh, in her bedroom.
/ Ellen: Eep! Oh sorry, umm. . .Amir! Right! I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here.
/ Amir: Yeah I came over a while ago. Nat said you wouldn't mind. / Panel 3:
/ Ellen: No, I don't mind. I'm used to her bringing boys home at all hours.
/ Amir: Oh, uh. . .so she does that pretty often?
/ Ellen: Oh yeah, totally. Sometimes three or four guys in the same day!
/ Natasha: Amir? What's taking you so long out there? / Panel 4: / Amir: Well I was getting you some water and then Ellen came home. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go get a round of STD tests.
/ Natasha: Dammit Ellen what have you been telling him?
/ Ellen: Well I was just about to get to the part about your role in "Anal Cumsluts Four: Hardcore Hardcore Girls". . .
/ Amir: Okay, now I know she's fibbing. I've seen Anal Cumsluts Four and you're definitely not in it. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=392 |
| 393: One Ton Wonton | [[At Faye and Marten's new apartment]] / Faye: Hey you, beer, boys, and Chinese food are here. Where's your roomie?
/ Ellen: Nah, she's busy with her new boyfriend or whatever. / Faye: That's fine, more booze and wontons for me then. Come sit!
/ Ellen: Wow, you guys sure got things set up fast.
/ Marten: Arranging furniture is easier when you're fortified with alcohol. / Pintsize: I'm the foreman! The couch needs to move six inches to the left to achieve maximum feng shui!
/ Faye: You're going to become an end table if you don't cut it out.
/ Marten: Oh yeah, that'd be great. Wandering off with your drink, eating your hors d'oeuvres...
/ Ellen: Where's Steve, anyway?
/ Marten: He's usin' the bathroom. / Steve: You might not want to go in there for a while.
/ Faye: Drat, I wanted to be the first to deflower our virgin lavatory.
/ Marten: I am not comfortable with that imagery at all.
/ Ellen: Well, deflowering is one of Steve's few marketable skills.
/ Pintsize: I'm good at deforestation. / {{Title Text: Number 393: One Ton Wonton}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=393 |
| Number 394: The Most Indie Comic Ever | [[Faye, Marten, Ellen, and Steve eating Chinese on the couch of their new apartment]]
/ Faye: ooh, is this the new Stephen Malkmus record?
/ Marten: Yeah, It's pretty good.
/ Ellen: Stephen Who? / Faye: Have you ever noticed that Sonic Youth and Stephen Malkmus are starting to sound more and more like one another?
/ Marten: Oh, totally. You could probably play Sonic Nurse and Face the Truth at the same time and everything would be in key.
/ Steve: Stephen Malkmus was the singer from Pavement
/ Ellen: Who are Pavement? / Marten: I guess as indie-rockers age they just write more and more meandering, jammy songs. It must be some side effect of getting older.
/ Faye: That or they can just afford to smoke more weed noe. Imagine what J Mascis will be like in 10 years.
/ Ellen: Who's J Mascis? Is he in Sonic Nurse or whatever?
/ Steve: No, he was in Dinosaur Jr. / Marten: Man, imagine what would happen if Thurston Moore, Stephen Malkmus, and J Mascis got together and formed a supergroup!
/ Faye: They'd never get anything recorded, but the entire staff of Pitchfork would suffer terminal priapism. Even the ladies.
/ Ellen: Wait, who... oh nevermind. This must be what it's like for the salmon when I try to explain Sartre to them.
/ Steve: Sartre? That name sounds familiar. Does he do German microhouse for Bpitch Control or somthing?
/ {{Jean-Paul Sartre: French existentialist philosopher}} http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=394 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Number 394: The Most Indie Comic Ever}}
/ [[Faye, Marten, Ellen and Steve are eating takeout and drinking beer in the apartment. Faye picks up a CD.]]
/ Faye: Ooh, is this the new Stephen Malkmus record?
/ Marten: Yeah, it's pretty good.
/ Ellen: Stephen who? / Faye: Have you ever noticed that Sonic Youth and Stephen Malkmus are starting to sound more and more like one another?
/ Marten: Oh, totally. You could probably play Sonic Nurse and Face the Truth at the same time and everything would be in key.
/ Steve: Stephen Malkmus was the singer from Pavement.
/ Ellen: Who are Pavement? / Marten: I guess as indie-rockers age they just write more and more meandering, jammy songs. It must be some side effect of getting older.
/ Faye: That or they can just afford to smore more weed now. Imagine what J Mascis will be like in ten years.
/ Ellen: Who's J Mascis? Is he in Sonic Nurse or whatever?
/ Steve: No, he was in Dinosaur Jr. / Marten: Man, imagine what would happen if Thurston Moore, Stephen Malkmus, and J Mascis got together and formed a supergroup!
/ Faye: They'd never get anything recorded, but the entire staff of Pitchfork would suffer terminal priapism. Even the ladies.
/ Ellen: Wait, who...oh nevermind. This must be what it's like for the salmon when I try to explain Sartre to them.
/ Steve: Sartre? That name sounds familiar. Does he do German Microhouse for Bpitch Control or something? http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=394# |
| Questionable Content 395: Not Even Orlando Bloom | You know, I wouldn't have pegged you two as a perfect match but you really do make a cute couple.
/ Well my mom always said it wasn't about "matching", it's about complementing each other's personalities.
/ And as my dad says, "if she's good in bed and not a crazy bitch, she's a keeper." / Your dad's been married, what, three times now?
/ He might be up to four now. I've lost track.
/ I hate to cut short this fascinating expose on Steve's dad's love life, but I have class tomorrow morning.
/ Get thee off to bed then! And no keeping her up late with naughty stuff, Steve. / Nighty night Marten and Faye! Enjoy your new apartment!
/ No promises on that "no naughty stuff" thing, Faye.
/ Well, at least we'll know who to blame when her GPA drops. / So what do you want to do now?
/ I don't know about you, but I'm ready for bed.
/ Aww, you don't want to get drunk and have sloppy make-outs?
/ Not if Jude Law himself were to descend nude from the heavens.
/ That is pretty much the weirdest eschaton I can imagine. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=395 |
| Number 396: Faye Is Sort Of Channeling Me Here | [[Faye and Marten, first day in their new apartment]]
/ Faye: Forty, sixty, eighty...
/ Marten: Whoa, where did you get that big ol' wad of cash? / Faye: I've been saving up, and today is the day I finally get to spend it.
/ Marten: Ah, so you're going to get yourself an actual bed then? / Faye: Well, I guess I could...but I was really thinking more along the lines of a haircut and some new clothes.
/ Marten: Faye you sleep on the friggin' couch, and you complain about it constantly. Blowing all that dough on random clothes 'n crap isn't very fiscally responsible. / Faye: Fiscal responsibility is _boring_. I demand instant gratification.
/ Marten: Instant gratification? Okay, just gimme a second to limber up and get naked.
/ Pintsize: I'll help! Initialize Vibration Mode! < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=396 |
| Number 397: Kinda Gentler | [[Faye walks into the Coffee of Doom]]
/ Dora: Hey you, how's the new apartment?
/ Faye: It's nice! You should come over. Bring us housewarming gifts!
/ Dora: Heh, you can have my cat. Little bastard peed in my sneakers this morning. / Faye: Eww, nasty. The worst I have to fear from Pintsize is underpants theft.
/ Dora: Oh, the kitty does that too. He makes piles of the clean ones to sleep on. / Faye: So where's Raven?
/ Dora: She's got the day off. It's just you and me.
/ Faye: Aww, that's no fun. I like you too much to pick on you anymore. / Dora: Aww, that was almost sweet of you.
/ Faye: Don't get me wrong. I'm still _going_ to pick on you. I'll just feel a slight twinge of guilt if I make you cry.
/ Dora: That's the Faye we know and love. Or at least know, anyway. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=397 |
| Number 398: She's Gonna Break That Table | [[In the Coffee of Doom]]
/ Faye: I might be back a little late from lunch today. I have to go buy a bed.
/ Dora: For someone who's been sleeping on a couch for the last couple months, you don't sound very enthusiastic. / Faye: Well, I'd rather get a haircut and maybe buy some cute clothes. But Marten says I should spend the money on something I actually need. Like a bed.
/ Dora: You could always go with option three: start sleeping with Marten and you won't need a bed of your own. / Faye: I'm not even going to dignify that with a response, other than "I'm not even going to dignify that with a response."
/ Dora: Before you get yourself trapped in a recursive oxymoron vortex, how about this: I start sleeping with Marten and you can my old bed. / Faye: I am trying to think of a word that is simultaneously more curt and more forceful that "NO" but nothing springs to mind.
/ Dora: Just watch out for my kitty. He likes to bite your toes while you sleep. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=398 |
| Number 399: Her Arch-Nemesis | [[Pizza Girl walks into the Coffee of Doom. On the chalkboard is written: Today's Specials, A sharp blow to the back of the head, tea (for wimps), wedgies!]]
/ Pizza Girl: Hello Citizen, I'd like a double mocha please.
/ Faye: Dora, Pizza Girl is here and wants a double mocha. Make sure there's no kryptonite in the espresso machine.
/ Dora: Oh, hey Pizza Girl! I'll get on that for you right away. / Faye: So are you on the job now, or do you just like wearing the costume around town on your lunch break?
/ Pizza Girl: There's no such thing as a lunch break in my line of work.
/ Faye: Oh, I can imagine. But hey, at least you probably make decent tips.
/ Pizza Girl: The Mayor gave me the key to the city last year. / Faye: Okay, I'm not entirely clear on this. Are you an actual superheroine? Or is the costume just something you have to wear for your job?
/ Pizza Girl: The true measure of a heroine is in her service to the community. And I consider it more of a "calling" than a "job." / Faye: Dora, gimme a little help here. I honestly can't tell whether she's fucking with me or not.
/ Pizza Girl: Hey, I am not a lesbian! Who told you I was? Is Chinese Delivery Man spreading rumors again?
/ Dora: I can hear Stan Lee spinning in his grave and he's not even dead yet. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=399 |
| Number 399: Her Arch-Nemesis | Pizza Girl: Hello citizen, I'd like a double mocha please.
/ Faye: Dora, Pizza Girl is here and wants a double mocha. Make sure there's no kryptonite in the espresso machine.
/ Dora: Oh hey Pizza Girl! I'll get that for you right away. / Faye: So are you on the job now, or do you just like wearing the costume around town on your lunch break?
/ Pizza Girl: There's no such thing as a lunch break in my line of work.
/ Faye: Oh, I can imagine. But hey, at least you probably make decent tips.
/ Pizza Girl: The Mayor gave me the key to the city last year. / Faye: Okay, I'm not entirely clear on this. Are you an actual superheroine? Or is the costume just something you have to wear for your job?
/ Pizza Girl: The true service of a heroine is in her service to the community. And I consider it more of a "calling" than a "job". / Faye; Dora, gimme a little help here. I honestly can't tell if she's fucking with me or not.
/ Pizza Girl: Hey, I am not a lesbian! Who told you I was? Is Chinese Delivery Man spreading rumors again?
/ Dora: I can hear Stan Lee spinning in his grave and he's not even dead yet. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=399# |
| Number 400: Hint Hint | [[The Coffee of Doom. Dora has added to the chalkboard: pseudomocho]]
/ Faye: I return!
/ Dora: How was bed-shoppin'? / Faye: It was fruitful! Marten will be surprised by two burlly, sweaty men later on when he gets back from work.
/ Dora: Are we talking about furniture movers or male strippers here?
/ Faye: You'd be amazed what a mattress salesman will promise you to get a sale. / Faye: I didn't have any time to get food while I was out, though. My tummy is very demanding.
/ Dora: Tell you what -- you watch the shop while I go get some food and I'll bring you back a salad or something. / Faye: "Salad or something"? Was that your attempt at a tactful diet suggestion?
/ Dora: Hey, you're the one making that inference.
/ Faye: Oh sure, and the Declaration of Independance might have IMPLIED that the colonists were SLIGHTLY MIFFED with King George. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=400 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | TITLE BAR: 400: Hint Hint
/ TRANSCRIPT: / Faye: [[at Coffee Of DOOM]] I return! / Dora: How was bed shoppin'? / Faye: It was fruitful! Marten will be surprised by two burly, sweaty men later on when he gets back from work. / Dora: Are we talking about furniture movers or male strippers here? / Faye: You'd be amazed what a mattress salesman will promise you to get a sale. / Faye: I didn't have time to get any food while I was out, though. My tummy is very demanding. / Dora:Tell you what- You watch the shop while I go get some food and I'll bring you back a salad or something. / Faye: [[pointing at Dora]] "Salad or something"? Was that your attempt at a tactful diet suggestion? / Dora: Hay, you're the one making that inference.
/ Faye: Oh sure, and the Declaration of Independence might have implied that the colonists were slightly miffed with King George. / http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=400# http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=400# |
| Number 401: Just Because You're Paranoid | [[at the new aprtment]]
/ Marten: Hey Pintsize, could you get up on the couch and tell me if this frame is crooked?
/ Pintsize: I feel like we should have fine art on the walls or something. This place is way nicer than the old apartment. / Marten: That poster might as well be fine art, considering how much I had to pay for it on eBay.
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=401 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Title: Just Because You're Paranoid / Marten: Hey Pintsize, could you get up on the couch and tell me if this frame is crooked?
/ Pintsize: I feel like we should have fine art on the walls or something. This place is way nicer than the old apartment. / < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=401# |
| Number 403: It's Seriously Like 250K | [[in the new apartment]]
/ Marten: Man, you'd think someone at the FBI would think to check Google or something. The only thing dead about Kennedy is her career.
/ {{Lisa Kennedy Montgomery, MTV VeeJay in the '90s}}
/ Pintsize: That's what I tried to explain to them, but they didn't believe me. / Marten: Anyway, I'm gonna go over to the coffee shop and let Faye know her bed got here okay. Be good while I'm out.
/ Pintsize: When am I not good? / [[Marten stares at Pintsize]] / Marten: Do you want an enumerated list, or should I just assume you were speaking rhetorically?
/ Pintsize: Nah, it's okay. I've got them all in a big text file on my hard drive already.
/ Pintsize: Hee hee, number 472 is my favorite. Those preschoolers will remember that day for the rest of their lives. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=402 |
| Number 402: It's Seriously Like 250K | [[Marten and Faye's apartment]]
/ Marten: Man, you'd think someone at the FBI would think to check Google or something. The only thing dead about Kennedy is her career.
/ Pintsize: That's what I tried to explain to them, buth they didn't believe me. / Marten: Anyway, I'm gonna go over to the coffee shop and let Faye know her bed got here okay. Be good while I'm out.
/ Pintsize: When am I not good? / Marten: < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=402# |
| Number 403: No Pillaging | [[at the Coffee of Doom]]
/ Faye: I can't believe I'm eating this friggin' rabbit food. Couldn't they have stuck a cheeseburger on top or something?
/ Dora: It wouldn't kill you to eat healthier food once in a while. / [[cheescake pose]]
/ Faye: But it might kill my delicious curves!
/ Dora: Your delicious curves that you bemoan on a regular basis? Or some other delicious curves I wasn't aware of? / Faye: Hurr. Being female sucks. On one level I know I'm not obese or anything, but then I spend three hours at work with your skinny butt and feel like Jabba the Hutt in comparison.
/ Dora: Hey, in the Middle Ages you'd have been the feminine ideal and I'd be doomed to spinsterhood. It's all relative. / Faye: Nah, you'd have died of the plague and I'd have been carried off by marauding Vikings.
/ Dora: No way, I've seen what you're like when you get riled up. You'd make a nude berzerker think twice before he grabbed you by the pigtails.
/ Faye: Hee. His first thought would be "BJORN WANT HOT PEASANT GIRL" and his second thought would be "AUGH PEASANT GIRL ANALLY VIOLATING BJORN WITH BJORN'S OWN BATTLEAXE!" http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=403 |
| Questionable Content: Number 403: No Pillaging | {{title: Number 403: No Pillaging}}
/ [[Faye and Dora are in Coffee of Doom. Faye is sitting on the counter, eating a salad.]]
/ [[Faye's shirt: ringer T-shirt, gray, black collar, yellow-orange "SELLOUT"]]
/ [[Dora's shirt: tank top, brown, white anarchy-heart symbol]]
/ Faye: I can't believe I'm eating this friggin' rabbit food. Couldn't they have stuck a cheeseburger on top or something?
/ Dora: It wouldn't kill you to eat healther food once in a while. / [[Faye puts a hand on her hip]]
/ Faye: But it might kill my delicious curves!
/ Dora: Your delicious curves that you bemoan on a regular basis? Or some other delicious curves I wasn't aware of? / [[Dora puts her arm around Faye's shoulders]]
/ Faye: Hurr. Being female sucks. On one level I know I'm not obese or anything, but then I spend three hours at work with your skinny butt and feel like Jabba the Hutt in comparison.
/ Dora: Hey, in the Middle Ages you'd have been the feminine ideal and I'd be doomed to spinsterhood. It's all relative. / Faye: Nah, you'd have died of the plague and I'd have been carried off by marauding Vikings.
/ Dora: No way, I've seen what you're like when you get riled up. You's make a nude berzerker think twice before he grabbed you by the pigtails.
/ Faye: Hee. His first thought would be "BJORN WANT HOT PEASANT GIRL" and his second would be "AUGH PEASANT GIRLL ANALLY VIOLATING BJORN WITH BJORN'S OWN BATTLEAXE!" http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=403# |
| Number 404: Dora Has Made Some Mistakes | [[at the Coffee of Doom]]
/ Marten: Hey Faye, your bed came today.
/ Faye: Awesome! Did you see it? Doesn't it look nice? / Marten: Well it's bigger than mine, anyway. I'm jealous.
/ Faye: Yeah, I got a great deal. Bought it at wholesale price!
/ Dora: How'd you swing that? Did it involve flashing the salesman or beating him senseless? / Faye: Oh God, the salesman. He was hitting on me the entire time I was shopping. I finally agreed to give him my phone number in exchange for the deal on the bed.
/ Dora: I'm assuming you didn't actually give him YOUR number.
/ Faye: Oh, of course not. He'll certainly be surprised when he dials it and gets the gay nightclub down on Pleasant. / Dora: Man, I can't go near that place anymore. I made out with one of the DJs one night and then never returned her phone calls.
/ Marten: Wait, how did you happen to know the number for a gay nightclub off the top of your head?
/ Faye: I had it memorized for just this kind of situation! [[sheepishly]] Also in case I ever felt like getting drunk and watching boys make out with each other. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=404 |
| Dora Has Made Some Mistakes | Marten: Hey Faye, your bed came today.
/ Faye: Awesome! Did you see it? Doesn't it look nice? / Marten: Well it's bigger than mine, anyway. I'm jealous.
/ Faye: Yeah, I got a great deal. Bought it at wholesale price!
/ Dora: How'd you swing that? Did it involve flashing the salesman or beating him senseless? / Faye: Oh God, the salesman. He was hitting on me the entire time I was shopping. I finally agreed to give him my phone number in exchange for the deal on the bed.
/ Dora: I'm assuming you didn't actually give him YOUR number.
/ Faye: Oh, of course not. He'll certainly be surprised when he dials it and gets the gay nightclub down on Pleasant. / Dora: Man, I can't go near thata place anymore. I made out with one of the DJs one night and then never returned her phone calls.
/ Marten: Wait, how did you happen to know the number for a gay nightclub off the top of your head?
/ Faye: I had it memorized for just this kind of situation!
/ Faye: Also in case I ever felt like getting drunk and watching boys make out with each other. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=404# |
| Number 405: Guest comic by Little Gamers | [[Marten, by a coffee machine, (In the Coffee of Doom?)]]
/ Marten: Hey guys, I just picked up a pre-release of the next "Death Cab for Cutie" album. Guys? / [[Marten looks around]] / Marten: Ehm... I'm gay for Conor Oberst? / [[Looks around again]] / Marten: Hmm... / Coffee Pot: They're not here dude. We're alone.
/ Marten: Oh, OK.
/ Coffee Pot: So, how about that new Aphex Twin EP? / Marten: Dude, it's hell-a-sweet
/ Marten: God damn I hope Faye puts out soon so I can drop this damn indie facade and listen to some good music for a change... instead of all this whiny indie shit.
/ Coffee Pot: I hear you brother. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=405 |
| 406: Guest Comic by White Ninja | Faye: Marten, I thought you were going to get this thing neutered. /
/ [[Pintsize humping Faye's leg]] < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=406 |
| 407: Guest Comc by Kidnemo | PANEL 1
/ Pintsize: OMG ZOMBIES!
/ Marten: Hah, sure I bet!
/ I can only imagine there is a huge posse of them coming straight for us. / PANEL 2
/ [[black zombies with green around them, swarming where Pintsize and Marten were]] / PANEL 3
/ [[boxes that say 'CENSORED!' over red blood splatters, where Pintsize and Marten were]] http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=407 |
| Guest Comic: Jason Sigala | Amanda: Heh heh. Sis is going to be so dang excited to see me.
/ [[Door slams in background]] / Natasha: YEAH! YOU BETTER RUN AWAY! AND DON'T YOU EVER SAY NU METAL IS BETTER THAN BLACK METAL AGAIN.
/ Voice at end of hall: EAT ME! / Natasha: Oh! Hey, I'm sorry. You must of heard all of that, huh?
/ Amanda: Aw, it's alright. I know how it is. Trust me. / Natasha: < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=408 |
| Guest Comic: www.nothingnice.com | Panel 1
/ Faye: Oh Marten, I'm so glad we finally decided to be together! I love you so much!
/ Marten: I love you too, Faye. / Panel 2
/ Marten: *wakes up* GASP! / Panel 3
/ Voice from side: What's wrong.
/ Marten: I just had this messed-up dream. / Panel 4
/ Dora (who was the voice): Aww, did my po' widdle baby have a scawy nightmare?
/ Marten: I'm better now that you're here. / Panel 5
/ Dora: *wakes up* GASP! / Panel 6
/ Dora: That was...odd.
/ Voice from side: What was odd, baby? / Panel 7
/ Dora: Eh, forget it. Say, now that we're both up, do you wanna have grauitous and explicit sex?
/ Faye (who was the voice): Oooh, you read my mind, Dora! / Panel 8
/ Random Guy (Steve?): *wakes up* GASP! / Panel 9
/ Random Guy: SIGH / Panel 10
/ Random Guy: Man, and I just washed these sheets. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=409 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | {{Comic Number 410: They Could Use A Smaller Font}} / {{ Panel 1: }}
/ Faye: Raven? What're you doing here? I thought Dora gave you the day off.
/ Raven: She did, I just wanted to come by to show off my sweet new tattoo! / {{ Panel 2: }}
/ Raven: Isn't it cool? It says "Princess" in Japanese.
/ Faye: See, I really don't get the whole Kanji tattoo thing. If you want a word written on your body, why not write it in a language you can actually read? / {{ Panel 3: }}
/ Raven: I dunno, Japanese looks cooler. More...mystical or something.
/ Faye: No offense, but isn't that kind of a shallow reason to get a tattoo? It doesn't look "mystical" at all to someone who can read Japanese.
/ Dora: You should have gotten it in gothic blackletter font on your abs, all THUG LYFE style. / {{ Panel 4: }}
/ Faye: Hah, I'd love to see you try that. You'd only be able to fit "PRIN" on your tummy and the rest would have to wrap around!
/ Dora: You, on the other hand, would be able to fit the entire genaeology of the Hapsburgs on your stomach.
/ Raven: I dunno who the Hapsburgs are but they must have had a lot of cousins. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=410 |
| Number 410: They Could Use A Smaller Font | [[In Coffee of Doom]]
/ Faye: Raven? What're you doing here? I thought Dora gave you the day off.
/ Raven: She did, I just wanted to come by to show off my sweet new tattoo! / Raven: Isn't it cool? It says "Princess" in Japanese.
/ Faye: See, I really don't get the whole Kanji tattoo thing. If you want a word written on your body, why not write it in a language you can actually read? / Raven: I dunno, Japanese looks cooler. More...mystical or something.
/ Faye: No offense, but isn't that kind of a shallow reason to get a tattoo? It doesn't look "mystical" at all to someone who can read Japanese.
/ Dora: You should have gotten it in gothic blackletter font on your abs, all THUG LYFE style. / Faye: Hah, I'd love to see you try that. You'd only be able to fit "PRIN" on your tummy and the rest would have to wrap around.
/ Dora: You, on the other hand, would be able to fit the entire genaeology of the Hapsburgs on your stomach.
/ Raven: I dunno who the Hapsburgs are but they must have had a lot of cousins. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=410# |
| Number 411: Lol? | [[In the Coffee of Doom. Sign the on the door reads: Restroom of Doom!]]
/ Marten: Okay Faye, I'm gonna head home and scrounge up some dinner.
/ Faye: If you can wait an hour I'll bring a pizza home with me.
/ Marten: Sounds good! / Faye: Wanna come over and check out the new apartment, Dora?
/ Dora: Yeah, sure.
/ Marten: I managed to get a bunch of decoratin' done today. It's starting to look halfway decent. / Faye: Aww, look how proud he is. A man's home truly is his castle. [[punches him]]
/ Marten: Ow, hey!
/ Dora: Would that make you the dragon who guards it? / Faye: Only if I've had Indian food that day. Then I'm like a dragon, only the flames come out the other end.
/ Dora: Har har. Hyperbole or not, poop jokes are still gross and lame.
/ Marten: She's not exaggerating. I've seen flames shoot out from under the bathroom door, to say nothing of the roaring noises. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=411 |
| Number 411: Lol? | Marten: Okay Faye, I'm gonna head home and scrounge up some dinner.
/ Faye: If you can wait an hour I'll bring a pizza home with me.
/ Marten: Sounds good! / Faye: Wanna come over and check out the new apartment, Dora?
/ Dora: Yeah, sure.
/ Marten: I managed to get a bunch of decoratin' done today. It's starting to look halfway decent. / Faye: Aww, look how proud he is. A man's home truly is his castle.
/ < http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=411# |
| Number 412: Pissing Off The Punks | [[walking into the new apartment]]
/ Marten: Pintsize, I'm home! / [[Sporting a derby, monocle, and pipe]]
/ Pintsize: Oh, cheerio old chap! How was your expedition to the coffee house?
/ Marten: What the hell?
/ Pintsize: Capital, capital! What say we flip on the telly and enjoy an exciting game of cricket? / Marten: You were messing around with your regional language settings, weren't you.
/ Pintsize: How astute of you! I was feeling a bit exploratory and decided to see what good a dose of jolly olde England might do me, and I daresay it is a marked improvement! / Marten: Well suit yourself, but there better not be any of this "colonizing India" or "starting wars with Spain" business, understood?
/ Pintsize: Righto! Now my good man, care to join me in a rousing rendition of "God Save the Queen"?
/ Marten: No way. The Sex Pistols were fucking terrible. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=412 |
| Number 413 - British Hospitality | Faye: Marten, I come bearing pizza and a goth girl!
/ Dora: Ooh, nice place you've got here! / Dora: One's for dinner and the other is for dessert. Rawr!
/ Marten: Awesome, you brought ice cream too?
/ Faye: I'd be shocked at your impropriety but it seems to have passed over his head like an intergalactic albatross. / Pintsize: Tally-ho, ladies! Would either of you care for a spot of tea? Perhaps a crumpet?
/ Dora: What the...
/ Faye: ...Hell-ass happened to him?
/ Marten: He mixed up his regional language settings. Thinks he's British now. / Dora: British people don't really talk like that, though.
/ Marten: I know, but everytime I try to explain that to him he yells "pip pip!" and launches into an explanation of the British school system.
/ Faye: Well let's just crack him open and change the regional thingy back to how it was-
/ Pintsize: I took the liberty of stocking the Frigidaire with Newcastle and gin while you were out.
/ Faye: Nevermind. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=413 |
| Number 414: CNN Ain't Much Better | [[In the new apartment]]
/ Pintsize: [[to Dora]] A fresh napkin for you, madam. Is there anything else I can do to assist you?
/ Dora: Oh, thanks but I'm good. / Faye: My gin could use some more tonic, Jeeves.
/ Pintsize: Right away, milady. Wouldn't want you to come down with the malarial fever, now would we? / Faye: Man, I could get used to this kind of treatment.
/ Dora: I dunno, it kind of feels like we're taking advantage of the little guy.
/ Marten: What I'm wondering is how much of his new behavior is programmed into the regional setting and how much is just him being goofy. / Faye: Wait, if it's just his regional thingy, does that imply that the default "American" setting is loud, obnoxious, and destructive?
/ Dora: Doesn't sound too far off the mark to me. Turn on NASCAR or Fox News and that's pretty much what you get.
/ Marten: Eventually our culture will devolve into groups of people shouting at each other as loud as they can while horrible noises play in the background.
/ Dora: Yeah, it'll be like a grindcore show only with Geraldo Rivera MCing. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=414 |
| Number 414: CNN Ain't Much Better | Pintsize: A fresh napkin for you, madam. Is there anything else I can do to assist you?
/ Dora: Oh, thanks but I'm good. / Faye: My gin could use some more tonic, Jeeves.
/ Pintsize: Right away, milady. Wouldn't want you to come down with the malarial fever, now would we? / Faye: Man, I could get used to this kind of treatment.
/ Dora: I dunno, it kind of feels like we're taking advantage of the little guy.
/ Marten: What I'm wondering is how much of this new behavior is programmed into the regional setting and how much is just him being goofy. / Faye: Wait, if it's just his regional thingy, does that imply that the default "American" setting is loud, obnoxious, and destructive?
/ Dora: Doesn't sound too far off the mark to me. Turn on NASCAR or Fox news and that's pretty much what you get.
/ Marten: Eventually our culture will devolve into groups of people shouting at each other as loud as they can while horrible noises play in the background.
/ Dora: Yeah, it'll be like a grindcore show only with Geraldo Rivera MCing. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=414# |
| Number 415: He Didn't Miss The Good Part | [[In the new apartment]]
/ Faye: I still don't see why we have to change him back.
/ Marten: Because if I have to hear one more Dr.Who synopsis my brain will liquify and run out my ears.
/ Pintsize: EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE / Dora: [[wearing the derby and eyepiece]] I think the hat and monocle look better on me anyway.
/ Faye: Where the heck does he find that stuff?
/ Pintsize: Shutdown sequence initiated. Don't let the bedbugs bite.
/ Marten: Search me. One day you come home and he's dressed like a dead president, the next day he's tarted up like a Renaissance whore. It's a mystery. / Faye: How do we know if this reset thingy works?
/ Dora: If he wakes up and says something bizarre we can assume he's back to normal.
/ Marten: Yeah. Guard your bosoms, ladies. Those'll be the first thing he dives for.
/ Pintsize: LOADING BIOS.... / Dora: [[grabbing Faye's breasts] I'll protect yours, Faye!
/ Faye: WAUGH! NOOOOO!
/ Pintsize: Whoa, what did I miss?
/ Marten: Nothing particularly exciting, although it looks like we're both about to be witnesses to a murder. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=415 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Faye: I still don't see why we have to change him back.
/ Marten: Becuase if I have to hear one more Dr. Who synopsis my brain will liquify and run out my ears.
/ Pintsize: EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE / Dora: I think the hat and monocle look better on me anyway.
/ Faye: Where the heck does he find that stuff?
/ Pintsize: Shutdown sequence initiated. Don't let the bedbugs bite.
/ Marten: Search me. One day you come home and he's dressed like a dead president, the next he's tarted up like a Renaissance whore. It's a mystery. / Faye: How do we know if this reset thingy works?
/ Dora: If he wakes up and says something bizarre we can assume he's back to normal.
/ Marten: Yeah. Guard your bosoms, ladies. Those'll be the first thing he dives for.
/ Pintsize: LOADING BIOS... / Dora: I'll protect yours, Faye!
/ Faye: WAUGH! NOOOOO!
/ Pintsize: Whoa, what did I miss?
/ Marten: Nothing particularly exciting, although it looks like we're both about to be witnesses to a murder. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=415# |
| Number 416: Don't Push Your Luck | [[In the new apartment]]
/ Faye: [[guarding her breasts]] Don't you EVER try that again.
/ Dora: [[Still wearing the derby]] Can't promise I won't. You've got a fine set of cans on you.
/ Marten: It's nice to see you loosening up a little bit, Faye. / Faye: What are you talking about?
/ Marten: Dora just grabbed you in the hooters and you didn't even punch her.
/ Dora: Could it be that our beloved Faye is finally going soft? / Faye: What? No! I just didn't--
/ Dora: It's okay, you don't have to explain! We like the fact that we can actually horse around with you a little bit without having to fear for our lives.
/ Marten: Yeah, it makes you a lot more fun to be around. / Faye: I...it's good to feel like I can relax around you guys. I'm not really used to that.
/ Dora: You know, if one boob-grab could do this much good, a couple more might--
/ Faye: Dora I'm feeling very vulnerable right now, don't make me turn the fire hose on you.
/ Marten: Wait a minute, does this make me the only person here who hasn't touched Faye's boobs? Goddamnit! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=416 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Don't you EVER try that again.
/ Can't promise I won't. You've got a fine set of cans on you.
/ It's nice to see you loosening up a little bit, Faye. / What are you talking about?
/ Dora just grabbed you in the hooters and you didn't even punch her.
/ Could it be that our beloved Faye is finally going soft? / What? no! I just didn't-
/ It's ok, we like the fact that we can actually horse around with you a little bit without having to fear for our lives.
/ Yeah, it makes you a lot more fun to be around. / I...it's good to feel like I can relax around you guys. i'm not really used to that.
/ You know, if one boob-grab could do this much good, a couple more might-
/ Dora i'm feeling very vulnerable right now, don't make me turn the fire hose on you.
/ Wait a minuet, does this make me the only person here who hasn't touched Faye's boobs? Goshdarnit! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=416# |
| Number 417: She's Right | [[at the new apartment]]
/ Dora: [[stil wearing the derby]] All right kids, it's time I went home and got some sleep. Congrats on the new apartment.
/ Faye: Nighty night Dora!
/ Marten: Say hi to the cat for me. / Marten: I think I'm gonna hit the hay too.
/ Faye: I'm going to stay up and decorate my new room!
/ Pintsize: She took my hat! / Marten: What with? You don't have much in the way of stuff to decorate with.
/ Faye: Oh, I just thought I'd slit open a vein and paint a pentagram on the wall with my blood. You know, give it a nice cozy atmosphere. / Marten: Sounds good to me, but if you really want to go for the full demon-summoning look, you should probably get some virgin's blood.
/ Faye: Nah, I don't need any. The only thing more potent than the blood of a virgin is the blood of a frigid bitch with hella issues.
/ Pintsize: Dear God, Martha Stewart's blood must never be shed or it will usher in the Apocalypse! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=417 |
| Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday | Dora: All right kids, it's time I went home and got some sleep. Congrats on the new apartment.
/ Faye: Nighty night, Dora!
/ Marten: Say hi to the cat for me. / Marten: I think I'm gonna hit the hay too.
/ Faye: I'm going to stay up a decorate my new room!
/ Pintsize: She took my hat! / Marten: What with? You don't have much in the way of stuff to decorate with.
/ Faye: Oh, I just thought I'd slit open a vein and paint a pentagram on the wall with my blood. You know, give it a nice cozy atmosphere. / Marten: Sounds good to me, but if you really want to go for the full demon-summoning look, you should probably get some virgin's blood.
/ Faye: Nah, I don't need any. The only thing more potent than the blood of a virgin is the blood of a frigid bitch with hella issues.
/ Pintsize: Dear God, Martha Stewart's blood must never be shed or it will usher in the Apocalypse! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=417# |
| Number 418: Don't We All | [[in the new apartment]]
/ Marten: Morning sleepyhead. How's the new mattress?
/ Faye: I slept like an angel. An angel whose mattress is stuffed with the down of virtuous geese. / Marten: I shudder to think what a mattress made of hell-fowl down would feel like.
/ Pintsize: I bet it would feel pretty UNPLEASANT! Ha ha, get it? Unpleasant? "Fowl?"
/ Faye: God, you're to humor what Hellen Keller would be to competitive paintball. / Faye: Anyway, time for me to go open up the shop. Stop by later, okay? Your presence is all that keeps Dora and I from murdering Raven.
/ {{Dora would probably note: "Dora and *me*"}}
/ Marten: I'll be your voice of reason anytime, baby.
/ Pintsize: There's the reason why you never get girls, Marten. Ladies HATE the voice of reason. / Marten: Oh come on, you can't make generalizations like that about--
/ Pintsize: Hey Faye! You're NOT too fat to eat nothing but ice cream today! $400 is TOTALLY a reasonable price for a pair of shoes! Go on, strangle that mime!
/ Faye: I know I should side with you on this Marten, but Goddamnit his words are like honey in my ear! I *loathe* mimes! http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=418 |
| Number: 419: Venti Schmenti | Customer: Hi, I'll have a venti mocha--
/ Dora: [[still wearing the derby]] Sorry, no habla Starbucks. I assume you meant a "large". / Customer: Oh, sure.
/ Dora: That'll be six dollars and thirty-three cents please. / Customer: What?! It says five fifty right up there on the board!
/ Dora: We automatically charge 15% gratuity to patrons who use bullshit faux-authentic terms like "grande" and "venti".
/ [[Chalkboard reads: Today's Specials: regular ol' coffee (with snakes), regular ol' tea (with more snakes), Snakes (with spiders)]] / Customer: That's ridiculous! How do you people even manage to stay in business with an attitude like that?!
/ Dora: We cater to people who like their coffee strong, fair trade, and free of soulless corporate pretension. Also through sexy intimidation.
/ Faye: You rang? http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=419 |
| Number 419: Venti Schmenti | [[In Coffee of Doom]]
/ Customer: Hi, I'll have a venti mocha-
/ Dora: Sorry, no habla Starbucks. I'll assume you meant a "large". / Customer: Oh, sure.
/ Dora: Okay, that'll be six dollars and thirty-three cents please. / Customer: What?! It says five fifty right there on the board!
/ Dora: We automatically charge a 15% gratuity to patrons who use bullshit faux-authentic terms like "grande" and "venti". / Customer: That's ridiculous! How do you people even manage to stay in business with an attitude like that?!
/ Dora: We cater to people who prefer their coffee strong, fair trade, and free of soulless corporate pretension.
/ Dora: Also through threats and sexy intimidation.
/ Faye: You rang? http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=419# |
| Number 420: Best Band Ever | [[in the Coffee of Doom]]
/ Faye: Christ Dora, your shirt could cause glaucoma at twenty paces. And what the hell are we listening to? It sounds like a Wagnerian opera played twice as fast and thirty times as distorted.
/ Dora: Just give your eyes a minute and they'll adjust to the shirt. And this is Mythic Slaughterbeast's new record! They're pretty much the hottest fantasy-metal band in Norway right now. / Faye: Their...their CD cover is a picture of a dragon having sex with a naked blonde chicks while beheading a unicorn in space.
/ Dora: It's pretty awesome, huh.
/ Faye: What exactly is "fantasy metal" anyway?
/ Dora: You know, songs about dragons and orcs and elves and stuff. Check out the lyrics for "Ethereal Bloodsport", that'll give you an idea. / Faye: "WITH BLOOD-DRENCHED MAILTHE DARK KNIGHT KNEELS / TORN FROM THE CORPSE OF THE GREAT LICH KING / HIS WRETCHED CLAYMORE SLICK WITH CURSED GORE / TEN THOUSAND ELVES' SLAUGHTER AVENGED"
/ Dora: Tracks three through five, "The Dark Elves' Grimoire Parts One Through Three", are entirely in Elvish. / Faye: It's a good thing you can't actually understand anything the singer growls, because these lyrics read like Tolkien on PCP.
/ Dora: According to the band's website, massive amounts of both were involved in the recording process. http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=420 |
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