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Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is sitting over a pile of insects, Snooch is approaching with one in his mouth]] / Snooch: Whew. Caught another roach. You sure that's gonna be enough? / Eben: Excellent, that should do nicely. / Snooch: Why we doin' this again? / Eben: Well, I've got a pet. / Snooch: You got pettins? I DIDN'T GET... / Eben: Not pettins, a PET... well, more of a business partner, really. / [[A spider enters the scene]] / Mom off panel: AAAAAAGH OH MY GOD A GIANT SPIDER WAS CRAWLING ALL OVER THE FOOD! CALL AN EXTERMINATOR! / Spider: Mission accomplished. She'll be dumping all the food in the easily-accessible garbage can within 5 minutes. / Eben: Perfect. As you can see, your payment has been arranged. Snooch, I'd like you to meet-- / Snooch (running away): AAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!! / Eben ...I'm ashamed of my species. / Spider: I would be.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050912.html
Two Lumps [[Ebeneezer and Snooch eating out of Chinese take-away boxes]] / Ebeneezer: Mmm, Mongolian. / Snooch: You sure this is okay, Benny? / Ebeneezer: Of course not. But that'll teach Mom to leave her dinner out when we demand gooshyfood. / [[Ebeneezer looking up, Snooch still eating]] / Mom: [[off-camera]] Gah! Why do telemarketers ALWAYS call during dinner? / Ebeneezer: Whoops, diversion's over. Time to retreat. / Snooch: Roger! / [[Snooch and Ebeneezer in front of the couch; Snooch's head stuck in his take-away box]] / Snooch: You sure we're gonna get away with it? / Ebeneezer: Heh. Let's just say I'm 100% convinced I won't get in trouble for this one. / Mom: [[off-camera]] What the... HEY!
http://twolumps.net/d/20050914.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is sitting in front of the couch, Snooch is running to the left]] / *SLAM* / Mom off panel: Home at last. What a miserable day. I need a drink. / Snooch: Yay! Mom's home! Time to get a treat! / Eben: No, you fool! You know she doesn't deal well with immediate whining after work! / [[Ebenezer grimaces, Mom and Snooch are both off panel]] / Snooch: MEER! MEER! / Mom: Not now, Snooch, just let me relax for a m-- / Snooch: MEER! MEER! MEER! / Mom: Just give me two sec--- / Snooch: MEER! MEER! / Mom: RIGHT. THAT DOES IT. / *GLOOSH* / [[Snooch, covered in dripping liquid, re-enters the room with Ebenezer]] / Eben: Dumped her drink right on your whiny head, eh? I told you so. / Snooch: Yep! Silly me! Gonna have to lick off all this Mudslide! / Eben: ...well played, Snooch.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050916.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch sits in front of the computer, wide-eyed]] / Ebenezer: What's up with you? / Snooch: Benny, this TV show is awesome! It's all about spirit journeys an' stuff! / Ebenezer: Oh, really? / Snooch: Yeah, it's like this symbuliz... sizzimb... talkin' with no words through colors and pictures an' things! But it's all talking about how we don't need words because we're all connected, you know? It's totally deep! / Ebenezer: Normally I'd agree that it's a complex and intelligent issue for a TV show to address. Except for the fact that you're staring at a screensaver. / [[Snooch staring off into space, looking stoned]] / Snooch: Oh! / Ebenezer: Have you been eating Mom's hair products again? / Snooch: No! Maybe. A little. Why?
http://twolumps.net/d/20050919.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch sits in front of the computer, wide-eyed]] / Ebenezer: What's up with you? / Snooch: Benny, this TV show is awesome! It's all about spirit journeys an' stuff! / Ebenezer: Oh, really? / Snooch: Yeah, it's like this symbuliz... sizzimb... talkin' with no words through colors and pictures an' things! But it's all talking about how we don't need words because we're all connected, you know? It's totally deep! / Ebenezer: Normally I'd agree that it's a complex and intelligent issue for a TV show to address. Except for the fact that you're staring at a screensaver. / [[Snooch staring off into space, looking stoned]] / Snooch: Oh! / Ebenezer: Have you been eating Mom's hair products again? / Snooch: No! Maybe. A little. Why?
http://twolumps.net/d/20050919.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is wearing a bandanna tied around his head and clutching a knife with a leather-wrapped handle in his mouth. He is surrounded by glittering yellow treasures, one of which is labeled GuuShi]] / Snooch: After sneaking past the Sultan's guards, Ali Katta is in the treasure room! What riches he beholds! / [[Scene changes to Ebenezer closing a door]] / Ebenezer: Suddenly the fickle gods swing the pantry... er, treasure room door shut! OH NO! ALI IS TRAPPED! / *CLICK* / Snooch: HEY!!! / [[Ebenezer walks away]] / Snooch: LET ME OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW, EBEN! / Ebenezer: Who am I to argue with the gods?
http://twolumps.net/d/20050921.html
 
Two Lumps Snooch: I wanna dress up for Halloween but I can't think of anythin'. / Ebenezer: Well, you could always be Puss in Boots. / Snooch: Who? / Ebenezer: You've never heard of... ahem. / Ebenezer: A most noble cat, proud in every gesture! Heeled boots of the finest leather upon his hind feet, a swooping hat on his head, crowned with a jaunty plume! The golden crest of House Carabas hangs from his neck, and the length of his fearsome weapon is always at paw! / Snooch: Okay, got it! / Snooch: Yeah! I'm Pimpin' Boots! Great idea, Benny! / Ebenezer: Congratulations. You've ruined my favorite fairy tale forever.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050923.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer sitting on a window sill, tree in the background]] / Ebenezer: The waning days of autumn sunlight lead one to contemplation on the changing of the seasons and the nautre of mortality. The migrating birds sing their final, sorrowful songs before departing on the wave of winder, their melodies soft and haunting... / Bird: CAW!!! / [[Ebenezer falls off the window sill]] / [[Ebenezer lying on the ground]] / Ebenezer: ...and once again, Mother Nature gets in the last shot. Curse you, Corvidae.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050926.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer and Snooch sitting in front of a couch]] / Ebenezer: Right, let's try this costume thing again. We'll both go with the theme of "wizards", that should be easy. Got it? / Snooch: Roger! / [[Ebenezer alone with a fake beard, wizard hat, and staff]] / Ebenezer: I have chose to portray Merlin, divine prognosticator and serene advisor to King Arthur and the Round Table. And you will be...? / Snooch: The Whizzer of Oz! / Ebenezer: Interesting, always rather a humbug, but good enough in his own-- / [[Snooch enters the picture, wearing a Tin Man hat, lion mane, Ruby slippers, Wicked Witch of the East-style socks, Munchkinland lollipop, and Dorothy's wicker basket]] / Ebenezer: What the... You're going as... the entire book. All right then. So what's in the basket? Dorothy's lunch? / Snooch: Nah, that's my little dog doodoo! / Ebenezer: His name's Tot... OH NO.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050928.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch in attack position, looking at a small round item on the floor]] / [[Snooch chewing thoughtfully, small round item gone]] / [[Snooch with tears streaming, running quickly. Ebenezer peering in]] / Ebenezer: Curiously strong peppermint killed the cat.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050930.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch with mouth full, sitting next to a vase of flowers, some of which are missing heads]] / Ebenezer: Egads! Snooch, what in Bast's name are you doing? / Snooch: I'm eatin' the plants! Gonna eat 'em allllll up! / [[Same tableau, but now all flowers missing heads but one]] / Ebenezer: Thank you, Captain Obvious. But WHY are you eating them? Are you sick? / Snooch: No, I just gotta! I gots one of those, um... things where you do stuff an' you don't know why? / Ebenezer: Dementia? / [[Snooch peering up at the last flower]] / Snooch: No, starts with a C... oh yeah! A concussion! / Ebenezer: I think you mean "compulsion". But I have the feeling you'll be right, as soon as Mom sees this.
http://twolumps.net/d/20051003.html
 
Two Lumps [[Snooch, alternating between hot and snowflake-cold]] / [[Ebenezer setting in front of a wall vent]] / Snooch: BENNY! When's the weather gonna make up its mind? / Ebenezer: We have about another month of this. Good thing I found this central air duct. Comfy. / Snooch: When do I get a turn? / Ebenezer: Oh, in about four weeks.
http://twolumps.net/d/20051005.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch and Ebenezer sitting there, Snooch with noodles hanging out of his mouth]] / Snooch: HEMPHEPHEN! / Ebenezer: EGAD. Mom left some linguini out? That's revolting. / Snooch: AKATUWU! / Ebenezer: Swallow it already. / Snooch: AKATUWU! / Ebenezer: What? / <> / [[Snooch's mouth is now empty and Ebenezer is covered in pasta]] / Snooch: I said, "I'm Cthulhu!" / Ebenezer: You... You die now.
http://twolumps.net/d/20051007.html
Two Lumps {{Snakes on a plane gag}} / [[Snooch walks into frame, bag of toys in his mouth]] / Snooch: Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy! I gots the BEST idea for Halloween costumes! / Ebenezer: Using only a bag of discount toy aircraft? Oh, this should be droll... / [[Snooch drops the bag, and several toy airplanes spill out]] / Snooch: Yeah! See, all we gots to do is put 'em on our feet! They gots wheels, see, they roll... / Ebenezer: Okaaaay.... but what are we supposed to BE? / [[Ebenezer with a paw over his eyes]] / Snooch: Snooch on a mothaf*#kin' plane! / Ebenezer: *sigh*... and I am? / Snooch: Duh! Benny and the Jets!
http://twolumps.net/d/20051010.html
Two Lumps [[Chibi version of Ebenezer on a white background with red lines radiating]] / POWER OF WHINEY! / [[Chibi version of Snooch on a green rippled backgroun]] / POWER OF HUNGRY! / [[Both cats merging on a blue background with a radiated white lens effect]] / BY OUR POWERS COMBINED... / ...WE FORM... / [[1/2 Ebenezer and 1/2 Snooch monster with nuclear explosion background]] / MEGA MEER! / <>
http://twolumps.net/d/20051012.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer and Snooch laying on a couch]] / Snooch: Hey, Benny? / Ebenezer: Zzzznort huh? what? / Snooch: What does the inside of your nose smell like? / Ebenezer: That's stupid. Go back to sleep. / [[Beat panel]] / [[Ebenezer by himself]] / <> / Ebenezer: I hate you. / Snooch: Mine smells like CINNAMON TUNA!
http://twolumps.net/d/20051014.html
 
Two Lumps [[Television, game controller, and litter box]] / [[Ebenezer reaction shot, looks confused]] / Ebenezer: You dragged the catbox out in front of the television? / Snooch: YEP! Now if I just need to grab the food dish, and I'm all set! / Ebenezer: Of course.
http://twolumps.net/d/20051017.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch with a "R.C.A. Victrola" collar, Ebenezer on the couch]] / Snooch: Benneeeeee! This sucks! Why'd I gotta wear this thing?! / Ebenezer: Because you were chewing all the fur off your rear end, you spaz. / Snooch: But cold weather makes me all itchy! / Ebenezer: Having a hairless derriere in winter wouldn't feel much better. / Snooch: Oh well. At least I can do a cool trick with this thing. / Ebenezer: Do tell. Imitating a garbage disposal, perhaps? / [[Ebenezer leaping up in reaction]] / <> / Ebenezer: Bald-butted bugbrain with a bullhorn... GREAT IDEA, MOM!
http://twolumps.net/d/20051019.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer wide-eyed, Snooch rolling on the ground with various things stuck to him]] / Snooch: BEEP BEEP! / Ebenezer: WHAT THE DEUCE--- / Snooch: I found this game Mom bought called CALAMARI AND MONKEYS! / [[Snooch continuing to roll, puddles of something behind him]] / Ebenezer: That's "Katamari Dama..." / Snooch: An' it said I have to roll around an' pick up stuff around the house an' I been doing it all day but I still haven't seen no calamari OR MONKEYS. / [[Snooch rolled out of frame, closer shot of puddles]] / Ebenezer: Setting aside the whole "reality versus games" lecture for the moment, how DID you get that stuff to stick to you? / Snooch: Honey! / Ebenezer: Yeck.
http://twolumps.net/d/20051021.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch eating from a food dish]] / <> / [[Snooch with his tongue out]] / < / [[Ebenezer with tail wagging furiously, Snooch with a questioning look]] / Ebenezer: What. Did you do. To our food? / Snooch: Is it kibble or cereal that's s'posed to stay crunchy in milk?
http://twolumps.net/d/20051024.html
Two Lumps [[Hovering dragon, moon in the background]] / Title: IN MYTHOLOGY, THE DRAGON HAS BEEN DESCRIBED AS A VAST, HULKING BEAST OF ETERNAL GREED AND INSATIABLE APPETITE. / [[Dragon burning houses]] / Title: WHEN THE CREATURE'S HUNGER WAS NOT APPEASED WITH THE PROPER SACRIFICE, IT WOULD LAUNCH A REIGN OF TERROR UPON THE HELPLESS NATIVES FROM ITS SEARING MOUTH. / [[Mom's legs, Snooch with a happy expression, Ebenezer angry]] / Mom: OH MY HOLY... Snooch, your breath is HIDEOUS! I'm calling the vet to get your teeth cleaned right now! / Snooch: I like onion dip! / Ebenezer: FOOL! You've doomed us all!
http://twolumps.net/d/20051026.html
 
Two Lumps [[Outline of a bird in a tree, and a leaf just starting to fall]] / <<*SNAP*>> / [[Snooch laying on a windowsill, the falling leaf about to hit his back]] / [[Snooch's eyes open in surprise, as the leaf hits]] / [[Snooch running "for his life", leaf still on his back. Ebenezer's head in frame]] / Ebenezer: Lo, how the mighty have fallen... And have happened to land on a cowardly ninny.
http://twolumps.net/d/20051028.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer walking through a veritable forest of wrappers marked "candy"]] / Ebenezer: Hey Snooch, we need to... oh NO. This can't be good. / [[Ebenezer and Snooch sitting surrounded by more candy wrappers]] / Ebenezer: Are you... okay? / Snooch: Yep! / Ebenezer: Well, after eating six bags of candy, I'd expect you to be caroming off the walls. / Snooch: ... but I didn't eat any candy today! / [[Both Ebenezer and Snooch looking scared]] / Mom: Okay guys this'll be great I'm gonna get the house entirely cleaned and reorganized and maybe even repainted and the decorations hung up! I am just SO full of energy I think I'll even give you guys a bath and then I have these CUTE costumes I made for you! / Ebenezer: I'd say run. And hide. NOW. / Snooch: I'm on it!
http://twolumps.net/d/20051031.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer reading a book with a pocket watch tied to his tail]] / Ebenezer: "LESSON 7: Once you have a focus object, swing it in short arcs before the subject while repeating the command phrase you wish to imprint." Seems simple, but I better practice first... / [[Ebenezer swinging the watch from his tail, Snooch with 'swirling hypno eyes']] / Ebenezer: MOM... YOU WILL FETCH ME GOOSHYFOOD. / Snooch: Hey Eben I GUH. / Ebenezer: GOOSHYFOOOOOOOOOD. / Snooch: I... must get... the gooshy... / [[Ebenezer and Snooch in 'swirling action dust cloud']] / Ebenezer: LET GO OF ME YOU CRETIN! / Snooch: YOU ARE GOOSHY! / <>
http://twolumps.net/d/20051102.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch sitting on a flatbed scanner, Ebenezer in a chair]] / Snooch: This is nifty! It's all warm! / Ebenezer: Well, the site's running a contest for pictures of cats on scanners. Your fat butt will be a shoo-in, and we get the prize cash. / [[Snooch crashes through the glass top of the scanner while Ebenezer turns]] / Ebenezer: Now hold still... / <> / [[Snooch sitting in the scanner while smoke rises]] / Snooch: BENNY! I CAN'T MOVE! / Ebenezer: So it seems. Hmm. If I sell you as a piece of modern art on Ebay, I can probably buy a new scanner before Mom notices either of you are missing.
http://twolumps.net/d/20051104.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch sitting with "Bitter-beer face", and a lump of something red in front of him, one bit missing]] / [[Snooch in the same pose, Ebenezer enters left]] / Ebenezer: That's not chips. / Snooch: Nup. / Ebenezer: Cranberry sauce? / Snooch: Yuph. / Ebenezer: Carry on.
http://twolumps.net/d/20051107.html
 
Two Lumps [[Snooch enters carrying a pillow in his mouth]] / Snooch: Eben! Eben! The teevee just said that turkeys are BIRDS! / Ebenezer: Uh huh. / Shooch So I'mna catch one! / Ebenezer: Do tell. / [[Snooch lays down on the pillow]] / Snooch: I can be a deek... a durk... a fake bird thingy! First I roll in some honey, and feathers from the pillow, and stick on a feather duster! / Ebenezer: And I'm sure you haven't seen the flaws in this plan? / Snooch: What? / Ebenezer: First, there are no turkeys in the house. You'd have to go OUTSIDE. / Snooch: There's vets out there. Yeek. / Ebenezer: If that scares you, don't even think of where you'd have to stick the feather duster.
http://twolumps.net/d/20051109.html
Two Lumps Ebenezer: Now... it all comes to fruition. I hold the very threads of fate in my paws. / [[Ebenezer's head with a picture of the galaxy behind him]] / Ebenezer: LIFE OR DEATH, JOY OR MISERY... ALL HINGES ON THIS MOMENT! NOW I SHAPE THE FUTURE ITSELF! / [[Ebenezer sittings on a sweater with Snooch pulling it apart, thread by thread]] / Snooch: You sure thiff wiw work? / Ebenezer: Pull! Pull, for Bast's sake! If we're quick, we'll never have to wear these stupid holiday sweaters again!
http://twolumps.net/d/20051111.html
Two Lumps {{Parody of beat poets}} / [[Snooch, wearing a beret that covers his eyes]] / Snooch: The mudwing butterfly flap / Like, does not dig. / The groove is lost. / The gooshy is unopened. / Ebenezer: How did I know this wasn't going to rhyme? / Snooch: The lone sound of a can opener / Never rings again. / All is lost. We are lost. / But as we stumble through the dark, / One thing is obvious... / Snooch: I can't see a damn thing. / Ebenezer: THEN GET A BERET THAT FITS. / Snooch: <<*sigh*>> / Snooch: FINE.
http://twolumps.net/d/20051114.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch sitting next to a half-empty food dish]] / Snooch: Ugh... too full. But if I leave my food Eben'll eat it. / [[Snooch pushes the dish behind the couch]] / Snooch: Perfect! Now I can finish eatin' when I get done with my nap! I'm so smart! / [[Ebenezer and Snooch sitting in front of the couch]] / Mom: Where is that unholy stench coming from?! / Snooch: ... and then I found out I can't fit under the couch no more to get it back. / Ebenezer: And when was this? / Snooch: What day is it?
http://twolumps.net/d/20051116.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer walking in, an empty flower pot next to Snooch, who is lying on his back groaning]] / Snooch: Uggggghhhhhhh... / Ebenezer: What's wrong, Bubba? / Snooch: Mom gots us some grass to eat that's s'posed to help your tummy. But it just made mine feel worse. / Ebenezer: What, did you eat ALL of it? At once? / Snooch: Yeah... I figured more grass would make me feel LOTS better, right? / Ebenezer: Medicine doesn't work that way, Snooch. / [[Ebenezer looks into the flower pot, Snooch looks up inquisitively]] / Ebenezer: You ate the DIRT, too?! / Snooch: That's not part of the med'cine?
http://twolumps.net/d/20051118.html
 

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