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| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch hangin'out. Snooch is wearing a top hat that completely engulfs his head]]
/ Ebenezer: ...what to do, what to do...
/ Snooch: Word to your mother! / [[Ebenezer turns to look at Snooch]]
/ Ebenezer: We come from the same litter, you dolt. And what is with these confounded hats?
/ Snooch: Mom has a box of them! I put them on so I can be Mad Stylin', yo! / [[Ebenezer ponders Snooch and the Hat]] / [[Ebenezer is wearing a North-American version of an Ushanka -or-Ebenezer is wearing a hunting hat with ear flaps]]
/ Ebenezer: So... this is "Mad Stylin".
/ Snooch: Fo reals! / {{2004 James L. Grant / Mel Hynes}} http://twolumps.net/d/20040723.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is observing a large, pink, mostly-flat mass]]
/ Ebenezer: ...so when I flatten myself more, I have a larger heat dissipating surface for convection transfer...
/ Snooch (off panel): Hey, Eben! I want some! / [[Pink mass begins changing shape, becoming rounder as Snooch examines it]]
/ Ebenezer: That's not gooshyfood, nimrod.
/ Snooch: Looks good! Smells stinky! I think I'll eat it! / [[Pink mass punches Snooch in the face]]
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20040726.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Mom is asleep on the couch, her back to the viewer. Ebenezer is sitting on the couch, between her body and the couch back. Snooch is sitting on the ground.]]
/ Mom: < http://twolumps.net/d/20040730.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is sitting with his back to the "camera". Ebenezer looks in from the lower left corner of the frame.]] / [[Snooch is at the same spot. Ebenezer looks in from the lower right corner of the frame.]] / [[Snooch is at the same spot. Ebenezer has moved to a point within his sight.]]
/ Ebenezer: No matter where I go in the room, your butt seems to follow me.
/ Snooch: ? http://twolumps.net/d/20040802.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch sitting enraptured in front of the TV, a puddle in front of him. Ebenezer sits beside the TV.]]
/ Ebenezer: What are you... is that DROOL?
/ TV: WE NOW RETURN TO OUR CLASSIC AFTERNOON MOVIE, "THE BLOB"
/ Snooch: ...in love... / [[Ebenezer has moved so he can see the TV too.]]
/ TV: DOCTOR, NOTHING WILL STOP IT!
/ Snooch: Gooshy... sooo much gooshyfood.... yummy.
/ Ebenezer: You realize that if that thing were real, it would be trying to eat YOU? / Snooch: NEVAR! I would defeat it in GOOSHY COMBAT!
/ Ebenezer: You know, I'd pay to to see that. http://twolumps.net/d/20040804.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch are drawn anime-style. Snooch looks cheerful while Ebenezer looks grumpy.]]
/ Snooch: You have no honor!
/ Ebenezer: You must will die! http://twolumps.net/d/20040806.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch are sniffing around a stamped, large box.]]
/ Mom (V.O.): I had to call and thank you for the package! How'd you know I wanted Blah blah blah < http://twolumps.net/d/20040809.html |
| Two Lumps | [[A large cardboard box sits on the floor. Ebenezer sits beside it as Snooch jumps into it.]]
/ Mom (VO): I don't believe this. Now I have to wash these damned things...
/ Ebenezer: What's Mom complaining about? We just increased her domain with no additional rent...
/ Snooch: WEEE! I CLAIM BOX! / [[Ebenezer looks at box, annoyed. Snooch is still inside.]]
/ Ebenezer: HEY! That's MY box!
/ Snooch: Is not! We both marked it!
/ Ebenezer: But it was MY idea, and besides, I marked it MORE! / [[The box appears wet, as Ebenezer walks away.]]
/ Snooch: But I can fix THAT!
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20040811.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben and Snooch are in front of the couch. Snooch is rolled over belly-up. "Mom" is off-pannel.]]
/ Mom: No time for pettins, guys, I'm late!
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20040813.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch seem to be in a cave, miner's hard hats with flashlights on their heads.]]
/ Ebenezer: Cave Journal Entry 29: We've made several critical scientific discoveries on our expedition so far. I have discovered that stalagmites make poor scratching posts, while Snooch seems entirely devoted to the study of bats.
/ Snooch: Flying mousies! / [[A one-eyed, many-fanged head of a long-necked monster appears from ahead...]]
/ Ebenezer: Great Scott! Some kind of creature from the abyssal chasm! FLEE, MY BROTHER!
/ Snooch: EEEEEK! / [[Ebenezer is dashing out from under the couch. Snooch seems stuck. On the opposite side of the panel, the vacuum cleaner is running.]]
/ Vacuum Cleaner: < http://twolumps.net/d/20040816.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch sit by the full food dish, looking sad.]]
/ Snooch: Icky diet kibble.
/ Eben: While I wouldn't normally agree with your gluttonous complaints, this situation is indeed intolerable. / [[Ebenezer digs in Mom's purse, his head and front paws completely inside it. Snooch looks on with a grin.]]
/ Snooch: Oooooo, is there gooshy food in the purse? I didn't smell any!
/ Eben: Something far superior to that, Snooch. / [[Ebenezer emerges from the purse with a credit card in his mouth. Snooch looks confused and disappointed.]]
/ Eben: And voila! Our food woes are solved!
/ Snooch: You can have it. I don't wanna eat the plastic thing again.
/ Eben: We're not going to eat it, we're going to buy... wait. What?
/ Snooch: I ate a plastic thing like that and Mom was mad and my stomach hurt alot.
/ Eben: I'll bet. http://twolumps.net/d/20040818.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer sits at the computer as Snooch sits on the floor batting at the mouse, which is hanging down.]]
/ Ebenezer: There! Thanks to the wonders of the Internet, two large double-anchovy pizzas with extra cheese are on their way.
/ Snooch: Yay! I likes fishies! YAY!
/ Ebenezer: Quit playing with the mouse, Snooch. / [[Snooch grins as Ebenezer walks by with Mom's credit card in his mouth.]]
/ Ebenezer: Now we just wait for the delivery.
/ Snooch: Hey, Eben! How we gonna open the door? / [[Head-shot of Ebenezer, eyes wide, as he drops the credit card in surprise.]]
/ Ebenezer: EGADS! / [[Snooch is hauling Ebenezer up towards the doorknob with a rope harness and pulley. Ebenezer's end is around his waist while Snooch's end is wrapped around his neck.]]
/ Ebenezer: Hurry, you loaf! They said twenty minutes!
/ Snooch: URK! http://twolumps.net/d/20040820.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Bonus weekend panel.}}
/ [[Eben is hanging from a harness attached to a rope and pulley device with a credit card in his mouth.]] / Pizza delivery guy: Man, I hate this job... http://twolumps.net/d/20040821.html |
| Two Lumps | <<*SLAM!*>>
/ Mom: &%#&%# WORK ^#&%^%COMPUTER@!$#! @TRAFFIC^%*$*^...
/ Snooch: MOM'S HOME! Yay! I want GOOSHYFOOD!
/ Ebenezer: This probably isn't the best time, Snooch. / < http://twolumps.net/d/20040823.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch lays on side with swollen, full belly]]
/ Snooch: Oof. So full. Now it's time for my after-dinner bath! / [[Snooch sits upright, curling up to try and reach hind toes with tongue]]
/ Snooch: Can't... quite... reach... foot... Maybe if I rock back and forth... / [[A curled up Snooch-ball rolls past Ebenezer in a blur]]
/ Snooch: AAAAAAAAAA!
/ Ebenezer: Can he break his prior record for distance, sports fans? http://twolumps.net/d/20040825.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch and Eben are sitting on top of the toilet and counter in the bathroom]]
/ Snooch: Whatcha doin'?
/ Ebenezer: I'm condcuting my weekly scan of the human cleansing area for report, of course.
/ Snooch: Ooooo! Can I help?
/ Ebenezer: I doubt it, but you're welcome to try. / [[Snooch presses on the nozzle of an aerosol canister labelled "Fital Pabboon"]]
/ Snooch: Oh Boy! I know THAT word!
/ Ebenezer: What are you... / [[Ebenezer flinches as white stuff sprays]] < http://twolumps.net/d/20040827.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch sits on the bathroom floor, looking up at Eben sitting on the counter, face in the sink]]
/ Snooch: What's the big bowl you got?
/ Ebenezer: It's the sink. If you ever hauled your butt up here you'd know about it. / Snooch: Why you drinkin' that water?
/ Ebenezer: The humans use this receptacle often. Therefore the water is fresher than that in our dish, and superior. / [[Only Snooch's tail is visible in the panel, positioned just below the portion of the toilet tank that is visible]]
/ Snooch: Ha! I've got a bigger bowl than you do!
/ Ebenezer: Good lord, Snooch! Stop that! How revolting!
/ Snooch: You're just jealous! Neener neener neener! http://twolumps.net/d/20040830.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer sitting alone]]
/ Ebenezer: Alone at last! Now I can finally indule in something more cultured... / [[Ebenezer in ruffled clown suit in spotlight]]
/ Ebenezer: Ridi pagliaccio sul tuo amore infranto! Ridi del duol che... / [[Ebenezer on bathroom sink with ruffles around his neck and forepaws, Snooch looking up at him]]
/ Snooch: Uh, Eben? Why you wearin' Mom's hair scrunchies and yowling?
/ Ebenezer : ...I'm never going to live this down. http://twolumps.net/d/20040901.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben and Snooch witting in front of TV]]
/ TV: "... as the lemmings' environment becomes overcrowded, hysterical migration occurs..."
/ Ebenezer: They're playing this debunked old thing again? Ludicrous.
/ Snooch: Lookit 'em all running! / TV: "... seen here, the lemmings throw themselves over cliff edges in large groups..."
/ Ebenezer: I can't believe this thing got an Academy Award.
/ Snooch: Oooooooooooo... / [[Snooch sitting under the edge of the kitchen table with mouth open]]
/ Snooch: Heeeeeeeeere lemmin' lemmin' lemmin'!
/ Ebenezer: It doesn't work that way, you moron. http://twolumps.net/d/20040903.html |
| Two Lumps | Ebenezer: In observance of Labor Day, we're just going to lie here for a while and snooze. / Ebenezer: Thank heavens for a day off finally.
/ Snooch: Fo reals, yo. http://twolumps.net/d/20040906.html |
| Two Lumps | Ebenezer: ...so even if there for some reason were a horde of lemmings in Mom's living room, they don't act like that. The film company faked it.
/ Snooch: The company's run by fake lemmin's?
/ Ebenezer: No... / Ebenezer: Look. MOVIE company. NOT REAL. Makes the cartoons that you watch? With the giant mouse? Remember?
/ Snooch: Giant mousie makes the movie with the cliff jumpin'? OHH, I get it!
/ Ebenezer: Finally! / Ebenezer: Great Bast... I give up.
/ Snooch: Must... catch... giant... suicide mouse... http://twolumps.net/d/20040908.html |
| Two Lumps | Mom: What do you MEAN you suddenly can't cat-sit? I'm leaving tomorrow!
/ Snooch: Hey Benny, what's catzit?
/ Eben: It seems someone was supposed to watch us and just flaked. I wonder where Mom's going? / Mom: So what's the sudden emergency? You what? Your Mom's GERBIL has a COUGH?
/ Snooch: Oooooo, clothing!
/ Eben: Not for long. Sounds like the trip has been canceled. Shed while you can. / Mom: Fine. Thanks for nothing. Now I have to find out what the hotel's pet fee is.
/ Eben: WHAT? I NEVER AGREED TO THIS!
/ Snooch: WHEEEE! I'M LAUNDRY!
/ Eben: What are you, a hair shirt? http://twolumps.net/d/20040910.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch: We's goin' on a trii-iip, we's goin' on a trii-iiip!
/ Ebenezer: Shut it, Snooch. Considering how much you harfed on me on a three-block ride to the vet's, I don't want to even think what nine hours will be like. / Ebenezer: I only pray we get separate carriers...
/ Mom: All right, boys! Time to get in the box!
/ Ebenezer: Damn it! / Mom: I've got a surprise, the vet gave me some special sedatives for you guys on the long car trip!
/ Snooch: Yucky pills...
/ Ebenezer: Oh, c'mon, Snooch. Take the red pill. You'll see sights you never imag... just eat the darn thing. http://twolumps.net/d/20040913.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer drawn in Ralph Steadman style, as in "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.]]
/ Ebenezer: I was in the kitchen halfway to the water dish, when the drugs began to take hold. / [[Snooch drawn in Steadman style.]]
/ Ebenezer: That ridiculous fat brother of mine began to yowl horribly.
/ I passed out. / [[Snooch looking happily at Eben, who is lying on his back and hallucinating.]]
/ Mom: Oh, crap. Did I give him YOUR dosage of tranquilizers, Snooch?
/ Snooch: Seizures are FUNNY! http://twolumps.net/d/20040915.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben and Snooch in Hotel Room]]
/ Eben: Oh, my aching... Where are we?
/ Snooch: Inna Hotel!
/ Eben: No, what city? State? Did you see any signs on the drive down?
/ Snooch: I saw one that said FOOD! / Eben: Serves me right for asking. Go out on the balcony and see if you can see any landmarks.
/ Snooch: Okey Dokey! Oooooo! Lots of PEOPLE down there! I's gonna say HI!
/ Eben: Whatever, moron. / [[Snooch bug eyes]]
/ Snooch: MOW!
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20040917.html |
| Two Lumps | [Hotel room hallway. Ebenezer just visible inside a doorway.]
/ Ebenezer: Right, now that we know we're in New Orleans, we can assess the dangers we'll face while we're out looking for Mom.
/ Snooch: Lucky dogs?
/ Ebenezer: I mean threats specific to our situation. For example... quick! Behind that luggage! / [Ebenezer's and Snooch's legs behind a luggage trolley]
/ Ebenezer: Any hotel employee who sees us will stick us back in the room, so we have to stay hidden on the way outside. Ready?
/ Snooch: CHECK! / http://twolumps.net/d/20040920.html |
| Two Lumps | [Ebenezer and Snooch walking down a sidewalk littered with empty drink cups]
/ Ebenezer: Given that Mom's on vacation, I think we can safely assume she's still in the French Quarter. We'll search Bourbon St. first, then branch out.
/ Snooch: So hot... so thirsty... melting away to pile of fur... / [Ebenezer walking down sidewalk. Snooch sitting half-off camera]
/ Ebenezer: We've only gone two blocks, you weenie. Just eat some ice or something, there's certainly enough spilled around.
/ Snooch: Okay! Ooooo, that smells like fruit...
/ Ebenezer: Now, should we check the buildings sequentially, or start with the bars first...
/ <*CLUNK*> / [Ebenezer stopped and wincing. Snooch standing with a large drink glass stuck on his face]
/ Snooch: AHOY! Hee hee hee hoo hoo!
/ Ebenezer: Jesus Christ, I did not just tell him to...
/ Snooch: Hey Eben, lookit me! I'm a unicorn! http://twolumps.net/d/20040922.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Eben and Snooch are on vacation in New Orleans}}
/ [[Snooch headbonking a light pole]]
/ Snooch: Eben, this guy won't pet me!
/ Ebenezer: That's a signpost, you nimnul! C'mon, we gotta find mom!
/
/ [[People are talking in the background, obviously a bar. They are not shown in the panel.]]
/ <<*URP!*>>
/ Unseen Person 1: Watch it! He's gonna hurl!
/ Unseen Person 2: OUTSIDE! Take him OUTSIDE!
/ Snooch: BUT I WANTS PETTINS!
/ Ebenezer: Fine. Just stay put while I check this bar. / Unseen Person: Hey, look out for the cat!
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20040924.html |
| Two Lumps | [Ebenezer sitting on a sidewalk, tail twitching]
/ Ebenezer: Finally got that slime rinsed off. It took a while to find a faucet, but no way was I going to LICK... Snooch? Oh, blast. / [Ebenezer crossing a crowded street]
/ Ebenezer: Where'd he go? Probably someplace shiny or full of food. Like that narrows it down around here.
/ [off camera] Snooch: MOW MOW MOW! MA MOW MOW MOW!
/ Ebenezer: Eureka! I hope he's not in too much trouble... / [Snooch on a bandstand with Mardi Gras beads around his neck, singing.]
/ Snooch: ...CAUSE I GOT CAT CLASS AND I GOT CAT STYLE!
/ Ebenezer: Get down from there, you idiot!
/ Snooch: CAT STYLE! YEAH! ROCK AND ROLL! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! http://twolumps.net/d/20040927.html |
| Two Lumps | [Ebenezer and Snooch sitting on a sidewalk]
/ Ebenezer: I give up. It's too late to convince Mom to go home early, we might as well wait for her in the room.
/ Snooch: I wants more fruity ice!
/ Ebenezer: Not on your life. Besides I need your help with a little "Welcome Back" surprise for Mom.
/ Snooch: YAY! / [Ebenezer and Snooch sitting on a hotel room bed. Ebenezer looking out the balcony door]
/ Ebenezer: There she is... keep looking clueless.
/ Snooch: Aye-aye!
/ [off-camera] Mom: Hey guyysh... ah'm baaAAAGH!
/ <*THUD*> / [Ebenezer laying on the hotel room bed. Snooch sitting next to him looking like he is about to throw up. Mom on the floor with Mardi Gras beads tangled around her feet]
/ Snooch: Why'd we string the beads across the door again?
/ Ebenezer: Since we didn't get to share her vacation experience, I figure she should get to somewhat experience ours... well, mine. I think a hairball on the head should finish off the reven- er, re-enactment. Snooch?
/ Snooch: Workin' on it! *urk urk urk* http://twolumps.net/d/20040929.html |
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