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Two Lumps [[Snooch in the closed litter box]] / Snooch: AAAAUGH! BENNY! GET MOM! QUICK! / [[Ebenezer walking up, remembering an earlier conversation]] / Snooch: AUUUUUUGH! *gasp* *pant* / Ebenezer: "Those are not giant raisins," says I. "Those are prunes." / [[Ebenezer looking at the litter box]] / Ebenezer: "You're stupid," says my brother. "I'mna eat 'em all up." / Snooch: IT'S NOT FUNNY! I JUST THREW UP OUT OF MY BUTT!
http://twolumps.net/d/20080111.html
Two Lumps [[Mom standing in her bathrobe as Ebeneezer looks up at her]] / Mom: Dang! we're out of gooshyfood! / Ebenezer: <> "Oh, no! Whatever shall we do?" / [[Closeup of Mom]] / Mom: I had a whole stack, but they turned out to be tuna instead! / Ebenezer: "Amazing! It must be fate!" / [[Mom and Ebenezer, who looks annoyed]] / Mom: Good thing I have some old diet kibble saved. / Ebenezer: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO THWART FATE, WOMAN.
http://twolumps.net/d/20080114.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer looks at Snooch, who is lying on a coat on the floor]] / Eben: Why the deuce are you rolling on Mom's new leather coat? Are you suicidal?! / Snooch: 'Cause it's stinky! It'll get me the ladies! / Eben: What?! / Snooch: The nature show said so! It's fur-mones or somethin'! / Eben: Rolling in scent and pheromones are not the same. Even if they were, the only thing you'd attract this way is a dead cow. / [[Eben watches as Snooch rolls ecstatically on his back]] / Snooch: Even better! Burgers, here I come!
http://twolumps.net/d/20080116.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer approaches Snooch, who is sitting looking at a paper on the floor with a marker next to it. Snooch's fur is bristling erect]] / Snooch: BENNY! ACCORDING TO MY PLANNER I'VE MISSED A DAY! / Eben: You probably slept through it, Rip Van Hairball. / Snooch: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I'VE BEEN USING YESTERDAY'S SCHEDULE! I'M COMPLETELY OFF! / Eben: That's not even a planner. You just scribbled on a flyer with a marker... / Eben: ...sooo, HOW long have you had your face stuck in those fumes? / Snooch: WHAT DAY IS IT AGAIN? I'LL CHECK MY PLANNER.
http://twolumps.net/d/20080118.html
Two Lumps [[Mom has just come home from work; Ebenezer is licking himself, while Snooch is whining for pettins.]] / <<*slam!*>> / Mom: Man, what a day! / Snooch: *whine whine whine* MoooOOooOOmmm, I wants the pettins! / Ebenezer: You may recall, last time this ended with a shoe in your snoot. / {{Reference to this comic: http://twolumps.net/d/20040823.html}} / [[Ebenezer looks over at the off-screen Mom while Snooch continues to whine]] / Snooch: But I haven't been petted all DAAAYYYYYY! *WHINE WHINE WHINE!* / Mom: That's a FANTASTIC idea! Thank you, Snooch! / [[Mom starts pouring a glass of wine off-screen; Snooch looks annoyed, while Ebenezer looks thoughtful]] / <<*pop! glug glug glug*>> / Snooch: Wait, what just happened? / Ebenezer: Homonyms: 1 Snooch: 0
http://twolumps.net/d/20080121.html
 
Two Lumps [[Snooch is looking up at Ebenezer, who is sitting in a chair in front of the computer, tapping at the keyboard]] / Snooch: I get to play next! / Eben: It's not a game, picklebrain. I'm sick of stealing Mom's credit card so I'm getting my own. / Snooch: We can DO THAT?! / Eben: Sure, it happens all the time by accident. All I have to do is put in my real info to be matched against vet payment records, annnnd... / Snooch: Denied! / Eben: What do they mean I have to be over 18? Do they know what that IS in cat years?! / Snooch: Hee! You can use your card to buy denture fangs! An' diapers with a tail-hole!
http://twolumps.net/d/20080123.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is walking past the couch which Ebenezer is lying on]] / Sound off panel: *trickle trickle* / Eben: What's that noise? / Snooch: Mom got one-a those waterfall thingies! / Eben: A zen fountain? Hunh, Mom always seemed more goth than new age. / Snooch: Yeah, and I dunno why she put it in the closet, either. / Eben: ...the closet? / Sound off panel: *trickle trickle* / [[Eben jumps off the couch as Snooch watches a puddle form]] / Snooch: Yeah, the one the water-heatin' thingie's in! I can hear it! / Eben: Oh, by Loki's guts... / Snooch: Soggy carpet ain't very Zen. / Sound off panel: *trickle trickle*
http://twolumps.net/d/20080125.html
Two Lumps [[Continuing story about leaky water heater. Snooch and Ebenezer are both on the couch, escaping the spreading puddle]] / Eben: Great. So the water heater's leaking everywhere, and Mom's at work. / Snooch: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEE! / Eben: The water's not going to get up here. All we have to worry about are damp paws. / Snooch: But isn't the heater thingie 'lectric? Water and 'lectric is bad! / Eben: No, doofus, it's gas. It gets lit by a pilot light-- / Eben: --which just got doused by 50 gallons of water. / Snooch: What's that mean?" / Eben: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEE!
http://twolumps.net/d/20080128.html
Two Lumps [[Continuing story about leaky water heater. Ebenezer and Snooch are on the couch, escaping from the growing pool of water]] / Snooch: So can't the light pilot guy airlift us outta here? / Eben: No, the pilot light is... nevermind. We've got to turn the gas off, but we can't get to it through the water! / [[Snooch jumps off the couch]] / Snooch: I'm on it! / Eben: What? You hate getting your paws wet as much as me. / Snooch: Mom has wadin' boots! / Eben: They won't fit, butterbrain! / Snooch off panel: No, they're cat-sized! I found 'em in mom's nightstand! / Eben: ...in individually-wrapped packages? / Snooch off panel: Yeah! Weird, huh?
http://twolumps.net/d/20080130.html
Two Lumps [[Last in continuing story about leaky water heater. Snooch and Ebenezer are on the couch, escaping from the pool of water on the floor]] / Mom off panel: Hello, maintenance? Your old, cheap water heater just split and soaked my entire apartment! / Eben: Well, at least that's over with. Now we just have to wait for the carpet to dry. / Snooch: Yup! / Mom off panel: What do you mean, 'have I been ABUSING it?'! How could I possibly-- / Eben: And your idea, while... unorthodox, did work. I'm impressed, brother. / Snooch: Really?! / Mom off panel: I don't think it's any of your business how many baths I take, mister. / Snooch: I was pretty brave, too, huh? / Eben: *sigh* Yes. A true Trojan warrior.
http://twolumps.net/d/20080201.html
 
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer and Snooch are curled on the floor, peacefully sleeping]] / [[Ebenezer's eyes widen in extreme agitation, and Snooch's tail waves]] / [[Ebenezer sits up and glares at Snooch]] / Eben: You farted in my personal space! / Snooch: Did not. / Eben: I felt it on the back of my neck! / Snooch: Probably just a ghost.
http://twolumps.net/d/20080204.html
Two Lumps [[Mom is walking past Snooch and Ebenezer, who are lying on the floor]] / Mom: Blah blah blah election blah blah primaries blah... / Eben: Blast! / Snooch: Darn it! / [[Mom walks out of the room]] / Mom off panel: Blah blah Super Tuesday blah... / Eben: IF YOU HAVE TIME TO TALK POLITICS, YOU HAVE TIME TO PET ME, WOMAN! / Snooch: DARN RIGHT! / Eben: You actually understand politics? / Snooch: DARN NO! But it's not like she can get ticks off a parrot over the PHONE anyway! / Eben: *sigh* Let me get a chart...
http://twolumps.net/d/20080206.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is watching as Ebenezer taps a pointer on a pie chart hanging on the wall]] / Eben: Okay. In the USA, humans ostensibly have a two-party system, although some-- / Snooch: I don't get it. / [[Ebenezer glares at Snooch]] / Eben: "Ostensibly" means-- / Snooch: No, not that. / Eben: Okay, TWO is more than ONE-- / Snooch: No, no! / Eben: Well what's baffling you already? / Snooch: The whole thing! I mean, they KNOW cats already run the WORLD, right? / Eben: You have much to learn about subterfuge, Snooch.
http://twolumps.net/d/20080208.html
Two Lumps Mom is walking past the couch upon which Ebenezer and Snooch are lying]] / Mom: Dinner and Theater for Valentine's Day? You're too sweet! / Eben: Everyone should be with their true love on Valentine's Day. / Snooch: The TV? / Eben: Nightmare, you fool!* / *SEE MAY 2005 - ED / Snooch: Well, she IS the only girl we know, but... / Eben: That's it! I refuse to let her spend Valentine's alone! I must go to her! / Snooch: Dude, we don't even know where she lives. / Eben: THEN I WILL GO ON A JOURNEY TO FIND MY GIRLFRIEND! / Snooch: ...did you steal summa my Pixie Stix or somethin'?
http://twolumps.net/d/20080211.html
Two Lumps [[Continuing story about Ebenezer searching for Nightmare for Valentine's Day. Eben and Snooch are walking in front of the couch]] / Eben: Yes! We shall leave immediately! / Snooch: Um... aren't ya forgettin' something? / [[Both cats sit]] / Eben: I know, I don't have a gift, but I figure I can catch her something fresh and impress-- / Snooch: No, I mean goin' OUTSIDE. There's no ceiling, remember?* / Eben: Hmm... / *SEE JUNE 2007 - ED / 30 MINUTES LATER / [[Both cats are again walking, Snooch is wearing a baseball cap that has an upside-down shoe box taped to its bill]] / Eben: ...et voila, the Portable Ceiling. / Snooch: SWEET! / Eben: Remind me to patent this when we get home.
http://twolumps.net/d/20080213.html
 
Two Lumps [[Continuing story about Ebenezer searching for Nightmare for Valentine's Day. The entire strip is done as solid black silhouettes. Ebenezer and Snooch, who is wearing his Portable Ceiling, jump out a window over a shrub]] / Eben: And... OUT THE WINDOW! / Snooch: YOINKS, AND AWAYYYY! / [[Both cats are walking outside]] / Snooch: So, ya gonna track her by scent or somethin'? / Eben: Don't be ridiculous. I found their address in Mom's email and printed out a map*. / Snooch: Cool! / Eben: ...which is still sitting on the desk next to the printer. / *See Google Maps - ED / [[Both cats sit by a mailbox]] / Snooch: WOW! You gots better eyes than me!
http://twolumps.net/d/20080215.html
Two Lumps [[Continuing story about Ebenezer searching for Nightmare for Valentine's Day. Eben and Snooch are in an alley with a fence as background. A dark cat with white front paws is jumping onto a garbage can]] / Eben: ...so we keep looking. How big can a town be, anyway? / Alley cat: Big enough to starve in, if you get lost. / Snooch: GAH! Who're you?! / Alley cat: Name's Tasslehoff. / Snooch: The guy from Baywatch?! / Tasselhoff: No, it's a book character who liked to steal things. / Eben: You're named after a book character? How stupid is THAT? / Tasslehoff: Says the cat who's been going in circles for an hour. / Snooch: Least you don't hafta wear a speedo.
http://twolumps.net/d/20080218.html
Two Lumps [[Continuing story about Ebenezer searching for Nightmare for Valentine's Day. Ebenezer and Snooch are sitting in an alley talking with Tasslehoff, an alley cat sitting on a garbage can]] / Tasslehoff: So why are you housecats out in the real world? / Eben: Hey! Who says we're-- / Snooch: We're lookin' for his girlfriend! Kinda. / [[Tasslehoff jumps off the can]] / Tasslehoff: Run off with another cat, huh? Can't say I blame her. / Eben: I'm going to take her out for Valentine's Day, you soulless cad! / Snooch: Girlfriend-to-be. Of my brother... / [[Tasslehoff walks away][] / Tasslehoff: Valentine's Day was last week, Einstein. / Eben: ...I really need to get a PDA. / Snooch: Proto-girlfriend-in-law-to-be! Ish. Thing.
http://twolumps.net/d/20080220.html
Two Lumps [[Continuing story about Ebenezer searching for Nightmare for Valentine's Day. Ebenezer and Snooch are in a dark alley with Tasslehoff, an alley cat. They are approaching a dumpster surrounded by piles of garbage bags]] / Eben: So if you're so "street smart", where do you get food? / Tasslehoff: Ah, welcome to La Maison D'arme des Cotes. / Snooch: We walked to FRANCE?! / [[Tasslehoff jumps onto the bags, Snooch jumps into the dumpster, Eben stays on the ground]] / Eben: That's revolting! / Tasslehoff: Hey, half an hour ago some of this was fresh off the grill. Compare that to your bowl at home. / Eben: Yeah, and the rest of it? / Tasslehoff: You're a real nitpicker, aren't you? / Snooch: My God... it's full of Gooshy.
http://twolumps.net/d/20080222.html
Two Lumps [[Continuing story about Ebenezer searching for Nightmare for Valentine's Day. Tasslehoff, an alley cat, and Snooch are walking in an alley]] / Snooch: Uh, it's gettin' dark. / Tasslehoff: How observant of you. That's why we're heading for higher ground. / [[Tasslehoff and Ebenezer jump on top of some boxes, Snooch stays on the ground]] / Eben: Sleeping on a pile of garbage and boxes. This should be a real treat. / Snooch: No way! I'm ascared of heights! / Tasslehoff: You should be more scared of the dogs that'll find you if you sleep down there. / Snooch: Bah! I've seen dogs back home... they're no bigger'n rats! / Tasslehoff: Obviously you haven't seen the rats around here yet either.
http://twolumps.net/d/20080225.html
 
Two Lumps [[Continuing story about Ebenezer searching for Nightmare for Valentine's Day. Ebenezer and Snooch are huddling in a pile of boxes in an alley. Tasslehoff, an alley cat, is out of sight in a box. It's raining]] / Snooch: Benny, this sucks! I wanna go home! / Eben: We're not going anywhere until this rain lets up. / Tasslehoff: Wimps. / Eben: I don't see your butt out here in the drizzle. / [[Ebenezer and Snooch look up as they hear Mom's voice]] / Mom off panel: Boys? Boooo-yyyyys! Where are you?! / Eben: I never knew Mom had tracking skills! / Snooch: You should come with us! / Tasslehoff: Nah, that's not the life for me. / Snooch: Why not? / [[Ebenezer and Snooch jump off the boxes, leaving Tasslehoff alone in the box]] / Tasslehoff: Because I got cat class and I got cat style. / Eben: Yeah, well I've got gooshyfood and central air. Seeya, punk.
http://twolumps.net/d/20080227.html
Two Lumps [[Last in continuing story about Ebenezer searching for Nightmare for Valentine's Day. Snooch is looking up at Ebenezer, who is yawning on the couch]] / Eben: Home at last! I think I could sleep for a week. / Snooch: Sorry we didn't find your girlfriend. / [[Snooch joins Ebenezer on the couch]] / Eben: Someday... for now I'm just glad we got back. / Snooch: Yeah. Outside's weird with big dogs an' talking dirt an' stuff. / Eben: ...talking dirt? / Snooch: Yeah, I'm covered in it an' it won't come off! / Eben: I wonder if flea dip comes in industrial-size drums. / Voices from Snooch's body: WAZZAAAAAAP?
http://twolumps.net/d/20080229.html
Two Lumps [[Closeup of Snooch wearing his Zen headband]] / Snooch: Om ma ken na fi ma tun. / {{Translation: Oh, I can not feel my tongue.}} / [[Ebenezer walks up]] / Ebenezer: That's not even a real mantra, you know. / Snooch: En ah ken na fi ma nuz. / {{Translation: And I can not feel my nose.}} / [[Ebenezer keeps on walking]] / Ebenezer: That's what you get for eating a jar of mentholated chest rub, sniffles. / Snooch: Eh wa min ti. Ah ri gre no tin. / {{Translation: It was minty. I regret nothing.}}
http://twolumps.net/d/20080303.html
Two Lumps [[Closeup of Snooch wearing his Zen headband]] / Snooch: Om ma ken na fi ma tun. / {{Translation: Oh, I can not feel my tongue.}} / [[Ebenezer walks up]] / Ebenezer: That's not even a real mantra, you know. / Snooch: En ah ken na fi ma nuz. / {{Translation: And I can not feel my nose.}} / [[Ebenezer keeps on walking]] / Ebenezer: That's what you get for eating a jar of mentholated chest rub, sniffles. / Snooch: Eh wa min ti. Ah ri gre no tin. / {{Translation: It was minty. I regret nothing.}}
http://twolumps.net/d/20080303.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer approaches Snooch, who is sitting looking at a book with colorful illustrations]] / Snooch: WHOA. / Eben: What's got you so enthralled, an all-bacon cookbook? / Snooch: Nuh-uh, it's true! About two guys on this journey of inner vision! / Eben: It's "Green Eggs and Ham," Snooch. It's children's fiction. / Snooch: You only say that 'cause you never ATE 'em! I saw all KINDSA goats an' boats an'-- / Eben: I think you'll find I do not care. Not a whit, not here nor there.
http://twolumps.net/d/20080305.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch and Ebenezer are watching TV]] / First voice on TV (Henrietta): Let's follow Mr. Trolley to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe! / Second voice on TV (King Friday): Henrietta Pussycat, I presume? / Henrietta: Meow meow, King Friday meow! / King: Henrietta, the Kingdom is desperately in need of money! / Henrietta: Meow meow bake sale meow! / Snooch: Is... she BRAIN DAMAGED? / Eben: I think they ALL are. / Henrietta: Meow fiscally lucrative meow meow!
http://twolumps.net/d/20080307.html
 
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is sleeping on the couch]] / [[Snooch races past Ebenezer on the couch]] / Snooch: THE ROOF IS ON FIRE AND THE FIRE DEPARTMENT ISN'T GONNA PUT IT OUT! / Snooch off panel: THEY'RE JUST SITTING AROUND WAVING THEIR HANDS LIKE THEY DON'T CARE! / Eben: No more radio for you, Snooch.
http://twolumps.net/d/20080310.html
Two Lumps [Snooch is on the floor, looking up at Ebenezer on the couch; Ebenezer lies on his side, his back to the viewer] / Snooch: Benny! Come quick! Mom left some clothes out! I'm-a lie on 'em! / Ebenezer: You go right ahead. Weirdo. / Snooch [now out of the panel]: She even put 'em on lil cat hammocks for us this time! / Ebenezer [head turned to look after Snooch, expression irritated]: wait, those are-- / Snooch: ARRRRGH! / Ebenezer: ...drying racks for wet sweaters. / Snooch [back in panel, sitting, angry/disgusted look, shaking right front paw violently]: THAT WAS THE DIRTIEST TRICK EVAR! / Ebenezer: Well, at least you left some epic-level shed.
http://twolumps.net/d/20080312.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer approaches Snooch, who is crouching on the floor chewing on a green pen. Another green pen has already been chewed open, while several others are in a pile nearby]] / Eben: ...know... better... but... must ...ask... / Snooch: I'm gonna control the TV with my BRAIN! / Eben: Ink fumes give you magic powers? / Snooch: It said online! If I put ink on my teeth I can ree-motely c'ntrol electur... erectic... the TV an' computer an' stuff. / [[Eben walks away from an upset Snooch]] / Eben: A. Bluetooth doesn't work that way. And B. that's a green pen. / Snooch: DANGIT!
http://twolumps.net/d/20080314.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer finds Snooch, sick from a night of partying]] / Ebenezer: Well, well! Tied one on last night in celebration of our fourth year online, did we? / Snooch: We? I don't remember sharing my booze with you. / [[Ebenezer starts grooming himself; Snooch glances at him]] / Ebenezer: That's because you didn't. / Snooch: Eben? A hairball's made of hair, right? So what do you call it if you puke up a hairball but instead of hair it's got lipstick, tampons and chewing gum? / [[Ebenezer glares at Snooch, who continues to look sick]] / Ebenezer: That would be a "Someone got the drunk munchies and ate everything in Mom's Purse" Ball. / Snooch: So there IS a name for it! Glad I'm not the only one.
http://twolumps.net/d/20080317.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer approaches Snooch, who is wearing a chef's hat and standing by something unidentifiable]] / Snooch: Benn-neee! Try some! / Ebenezer: Please. Your culinary abominations always smell like old tires... wait, that's cumin... and is that smoked paprika?! / [[Ebenezer eats some, while Snooch's chef hat falls off his head]] / Ebenezer: Great Loki's Panacetta, this is delicious! What's in it?! / Snooch: Um... I used some things. An' *hic* stuff. Around. / [[Snooch keels over face-first onto the floor]] / Ebenezer: It's like you're Iron Chef Hammered. / Snooch: WHEEEE! FETCH ME... A CUTTLEFISH!
http://twolumps.net/d/20080319.html
 

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