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| Two Lumps | {{Continuing OZ storyline--started March 19, 2007}}
/ [[Snooch, wearing red booties, is sitting on the Silver Can Road in a gloomy forest. Walking towards him are the Tin Man and the Scarecrow, who is wearing patched blue jeans]]
/ Snooch: HOLY BAST IT'S A LION! GET IN THE CAR!
/ Scarecrow: We have a car?
/ Tin Man: Don't look at me. / Tin Man: It IS a lion!
/ Snooch: Maybe it's a nice lion?
/ Scarecrow: Well, it appears to be preying on something. / [[Lion is kneeling by a tree stump, hands clasped together. Artwork is signed TODDD, but underneath is statement "Actually, c2007 James Grant/Mel Hynes]]
/ Lion: Please Dear God, make everyone die!!! Amen http://twolumps.net/d/20070411.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Continuing OZ storyline--started March 19, 2007}}
/ [[Snooch, wearing red booties, is walking on the Silver Can Road in a gloomy forest, accompanied by the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, who is wearing patched blue jeans, and the yello Lion]]
/ Snooch: I'm glad you're comin' with us, Copycattin' Lion!
/ Scarecrow: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step!"
/ Tin Man: Confucius. / Snooch: No sure what the Wizard can give ya, tho'...
/ Scarecrow: Some integrity?
/ Tin Man: Or a clue? / Lion, turning to face the Scarecrow and the Tin Man: "ROAR!!!"
/ Scarecrow: ...or a breath mint?
/ Tin Man: Ah! MGM Lion, right? http://twolumps.net/d/20070413.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Continuing OZ storyline--started March 19, 2007}}
/ [[Snooch, who is wearing red booties, the Tin Man and the Scarecrow, who is wearing patched blue jeans, are standing on the Silver Can Road in a green field looking towards a brown building with two towers and pennants]]
/ Scarecrow: It's a giant... armoire???
/ Snooch: We gots to be in the closet?
/ Tin Man: Well, I don't know about straw boy over here... / [[The companions, now including the Lion, are walking past marvelous objects and gadgets]]
/ Snooch: Is it one o' those magic eye things?
/ Scarecrow: Weird house.
/ Lion: Wow, it's a schooner! / [[They all recoil from a thunderous sound and a bright light]]
/ Voice over: I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WIZARD!!!
/ Scarecrow: How does blinding us help?!
/ Snooch: Well, at least I can't SEE the booties anymore... http://twolumps.net/d/20070416.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Continuing OZ storyline--started March 19, 2007}}
/ [[Snooch, who is wearing red booties, and the Tin Man stand in front of a monitor which the Wizard's voice comes from, surrounded by walls of screens]]
/ Snooch: Great Wizard, we seek--
/ Wizard: I know who you are and what you want. I know and see ALL. Tin Man: Creepy... / Wizard: In return you must defeat the Knitting Witch of the West. Bring me her needles as proof!
/ Unidentified voice: "We are at war with Eurasia!"
/ Snooch: OK... but why? / [[Monitor hovers menacingly over Snooch]]
/ Wizard: Two words: FUSCHIA. SLIPCOVER.
/ Snooch: ...least you're not askin' for body parts. http://twolumps.net/d/20070418.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Continuing OZ storyline--started March 19, 2007}}
/ [[Snooch, who is wearing red booties, the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, who is wearing patched blue jeans, and the Lion are once again walking on the Silver Can Road through a green meadow]]
/ Scarecrow: So, how are going to kill the old bat?
/ Lion: I love the smell of napalm in the morning!
/ Tin Man: Whoa, who said anything about killing? / Scarecrow: How'd you think we're going to "defeat" her, a game of tiddlywinks?
/ Tin Man: I don't know! I mean, we have to find her first!
/ Lion: Yonda lies da house of my Faddah. / [[They all look across a darker green landscape to a huge purple knitted castle with drooping turrets, glowing yellow windoes, and two silver knitting needles stuck through the walls in an X pattern. A crescent moon and a bat are in the sky, and a dead tree near the castle]]
/ Scarecrow: Is that an... argyle castle?
/ Snooch: I dunno if I'm scared or if I wanna play with it 'till my heart asplodes. http://twolumps.net/d/20070420.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Interruption in the continuing OZ storyline which started March 19, 2007}}
/ [[Ebenezer is lying on the floor, only his front part visible]]
/ Eben: Due to a death in the family, there is no Monday strip. You will take your Wednesday strip and be thankful. You hairless apes. http://twolumps.net/d/20070423.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Continuing OZ storyline--started March 19, 2007}}
/ [[Snooch, who is wearing red booties, the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, who is wearing patched blue jeans, and the Lion who is off panel at the beginning, are on the Silver Can Road in front of a dark brown wall]]
/ Snooch: We gots a play yet?
/ Scarecrow: Well, we could sneak in and hide, or just charge in... / [[A lime green witch on a broomstick, carrying red knitting needles and wearing many knitted mufflers around her neck, is flying directly towards you]]
/ Scarecrow: ...or get ambushed by a flying mummy!
/ Tin Man: That's no mummy. She's covered in scarves!
/ Witch: EHEEEEEHEE HEE HEE! / [[Snooch, Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Lion are again in front of the brown wall]]
/ Snooch: Lady! Look out for the chunder... chimber... hangy lamp thingie!
/ Witch off panel: EHEEEHEE*GACK*
/ Lion: That's gonna leave a mark. http://twolumps.net/d/20070425.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Continuing OZ storyline--started March 19, 2007}}
/ [[Snooch, who is wearing red booties, looks up at the hanging witch clutching red knitting needles in her green hand, her broom fallen to the ground]]
/ Scarecrow off panel: I guess we won! Grab her needles!
/ Snooch: Nuh-uh, YOU grab 'em!
/ Tin Man off panel: You grab them! / ONE ARGUMENTATIVE HIKE LATER...
/ [[Snooch and his companions are talking to the Wizard's monitor]]
/ Wizard: Well done, servants! And now, for your reward!
/ Tin Man: Let me guess, it's going to be some elaborate metaphor for qualities we had all along, right? / [[Three stained, rusty, metal-banded wooden buckets sit on the floor in front of Snooch]]
/ Wizard: Nope, three buckets of raw organs, as promised.
/ Snooch, sticking his tongue out: I'm thinkin' I shoulda asked for a barf bag. http://twolumps.net/d/20070427.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Continuing OZ storyline--started March 19, 2007}}
/ [[Snooch, now wearing a burgundy neckwarmer but not wearing booties, is grinning at the Wizard's monitor]]
/ Wizard: As promised, the curse is lifted. And have one of her scarves, as a souvenir.
/ Snooch: Yay! So when you gonna send me home?
/ Wizard: Who said I would do that? / Snooch, now worried: But... I thought...
/ Wizard: I suppose if you did some MORE hits for me, I might consider it.
/ Snooch: I bet you can't even do it! You're a big faker wannabe! / [[Snooch crouches on the ground as a blue blast from the monitor blows the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Lion off their feet]]
/ Wizard: HOW DARE YOU! YOU PATHETIC WORMS!
/ Lion: Is it live, or is it Memoraaaaagh!
/ Snooch: Yeep! http://twolumps.net/d/20070430.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Continuing OZ storyline--started March 19, 2007}}
/ [[Snooch, his burgundy neck warmer blowing loose, is caught up in a twister like the one that started this storyline]]
/ Snooch: Woo hoo! I can see my house from here! Hey wait, I CAN see my house from here! / Ebenezer is stretching on the couch]]
/ Eben: Man, what a good nap. Feels like nothing's disturbed me for weeks!
/ Snooch, off panel upin the air: BANZAAAIIIII!!!! / *CRASH*
/ [[Snooch lands on top of Ebenezer on the couch]]
/ Snooch: Benny! OMG! I have the most AWESOME story to tell you!
/ Eben: For your sake, I hope it's "How Snooch Committed Seppuku Before His Brother Got His Paws On Him". http://twolumps.net/d/20070502.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Continuing OZ storyline--started March 19, 2007}}
/ [[Snooch is sitting front of the couch, Ebenezer is sitting on it]]
/ Eben: Ding, dong, the arc is done!
/ Snooch: Which ol' arc?
/ Eben: This story arc! Ding, dong the story arc is done! / [[Ebenezer, wearing a backwards ball cap and a t-shirt, and Snooch, playing a banjo, are in front of a photographic scenic background]]
/ Snooch: Now's time to have some fun!
/ Eben: Eat some food, nap in the sun. Now's the time, the story arc is done! / [[Ebenezer is lying on the couch, Snooch is lying on the floor]]
/ Eben: Ding, dong, you fans who whined 'bout in-ter-min-a-ble storylines...
/ Snooch: Whoop it up, the story arc is dooooone! http://twolumps.net/d/20070504.html |
| Two Lumps | Ebenezer: As noted a month ago, the artist is hard at work making a Two Lumps book. In order to make time for this project, we will be running two weeks of guest strips by other cartoonists. Some of you have wondered why the book would take so much time. Allow me to explain. / Ebenezer: You may already know of the term "Infinite Canvas." Webcomics allow artists to work well beyond the normal boundaries of print. It could be said that the artist of Two Lumps has been overzealous in his use of this limitless working space. / Ebenezer: Take this early strip. In print, it would be about seven inches wide, but about sixteen inches long. This is not conducive to a good-looking book. Much will have to be altered in order for the print copy to resemble something you'd pay money for. / Ebenezer: Early attempts at merely cropping and rearranging the existing strips proved an exercise in aggravation. It just plain didn't look good.
/ Snooch: Hey Eben! I made a mask for you!
/ Ebenezer: Take that off Snooch, before we get sued.
/ Snooch: Aw, poo. / Ebenezer: Also, the early strips were not saved in high resolution, so the print copy looked like crap due to jpg compression. / Ebenezer: The only answer, then, is to take the original line art for each strip, re-color it, refinish and re-letter it at a higher resolution suitable for print. Although the end result is MUCH better, each strip retooled this way is taking a minimum of 45 minutes. / Ebenezer: We felt it would be better to run strips by other artists that to just do a hiatus. So enjoy the next two weeks. Know that the artist is hard at work, and soon there will be a print version of Ebenezer and Snooch available.
/ Ebenezer: Huh. I've put on weight. http://twolumps.net/d/20070507.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Guest strip attribution at end}}
/ [[Snooch is lying on the couch, bubbles indicating sickness around his head. Sticking out from under the couch is a page with partial text "Pet Foo Recall". Along bottom of couch is written "Two Lumps c J. Grant + M. Hynes"]]
/ Snooch: Eben! Eben I'm dying!!! / Ebenezer off panel: Not likely, what's wrong now? / Snooch: Mom gave us poisoned gooshy food!! / Ebenezer: Are you retarded? / [[Ebenezer looks at Snooch on the couch]]
/ Ebenezer: Mom never got the contaminated stuff! / Snooch: But... / Ebenezer: I checked. / Snooch: Ooohhh. / [[Over Snooch's head *Perk*]] / [[Ebenezer covers eyes as Snooch walks off couch. Along bottom of couch is written "Guest Strip: EARouse Crappy Little Comic]]
/ Snooch: Gooshy food, come to papa!! / Ebenezer: Oh Sweet Bast... / [[Below strip: WWW.CRAPPYLITTLECOMIC.COM http://twolumps.net/d/20070509.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Guest strip attribution at end}}
/ [[Snooch is lying on the couch, bubbles indicating sickness around his head. Sticking out from under the couch is a page with partial text "Pet Foo Recall". Along bottom of couch is written "Two Lumps c J. Grant + M. Hynes"]]
/ Snooch: Eben! Eben I'm dying!!! / Ebenezer off panel: Not likely, what's wrong now? / Snooch: Mom gave us poisoned gooshy food!! / Ebenezer: Are you retarded? / [[Ebenezer looks at Snooch on the couch]]
/ Ebenezer: Mom never got the contaminated stuff! / Snooch: But... / Ebenezer: I checked. / Snooch: Ooohhh. / [[Over Snooch's head *Perk*]] / [[Ebenezer covers eyes as Snooch walks off couch. Along bottom of couch is written "Guest Strip: EARouse Crappy Little Comic]]
/ Snooch: Gooshy food, come to papa!! / Ebenezer: Oh Sweet Bast... / [[Below strip: WWW.CRAPPYLITTLECOMIC.COM http://twolumps.net/d/20070509.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer, tail lashing, is sitting on the couch looking at Snooch walking in the air]]
/ Snooch: Hey Eben! Lookit me walkin' on the airs!
/ Eben: You are a fool. Cats cannot walk on the "airs". / Snooch: I can!
/ Eben: Look down. / [[Snooch is no longer in the picture. Sound effect WHUMP! and lines drawn showing Snooch fell to the floor]] / [[Undernesth the strip: CATMYDOG.COMICGENESIS.COM]] http://twolumps.net/d/20070511.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Guest strip drawn by Campling and Babieu}}
/ [[Ebenezer is drawn as a trench-coated, smoking detective, Snooch is a
/ doctor in a lab coat]]
/ Ebenezer: After weeks of fruitless pursuit, I was now hot on the trail of the beast. The good doctor told me that the locals have sighted the monster feeding here many a times. I could smell it in the air, feel it in my gut - the abomination would be here tonight. And tonight, I would take my revenge. / [[Detective Ebenezer is startled as doctor Snooch starts to transform]]
/ Snooch: I've never seen the animal myself, but the aborigines say it's big as a house and mean as a tiger. But above all, it's always hungry. Every week it comes here and feasts on... / [[Two panels side-by-side. The smaller first one shows detective Ebenezer watching as doctor Snooch wildly tears his lab coat off < http://twolumps.net/d/20070514.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Guest strip}}
/ [[Ebenezer is on the couch, Snooch is pulling himself along the carpet]]
/ Snooch: Hey Eben! Check it outs, I found a new waya movin'!
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20070516.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Guest strip}}
/ [[Ebenezer and Snooch are sitting together]]
/ Snooch: Hey Benny... you ever wonder what we'd be if we wasn't cats?
/ Eben: If we weren't... / [[Ebenezer is in a box on the right. Two thought balloons are on the left. The first shows Eben and Snooch as parrots, the second shows them as dogs.]] / [[Ebenezer is in a box on the left. Two thought balloons are above and to the right. The first shows Eben and Snooch as mice, the second shows them as characters from Scandel Sheet.]] / [[A frazzled Ebenezer yells at Snooch]]
/ Eben: We are NEVER going to speak of this again. Understand, Snooch?
/ Snooch: OK, Benny. ... Speak of what? / Two credit lines underneath the last panel.
/ Two Lumps characters c J. Grant & M. Hynes (http://www.twolumps.net)
/ Atwork c Troy Smith (http://scandalsheet.comicgenesis.com) http://twolumps.net/d/20070518.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Guest strip}}
/ [[Eben and Snooch Theatre Presents MILLION DOLLAR BABY]] / [[Ebenezer approaches Snooch who is lying on his side]]
/ Eben: She's tough, I can't go inside, I can't get close enough to hit her.
/ Snooch: Uggggggh. / [[Two empty pie plates]]
/ Eben off panel: What's the matter?
/ Snooch off panel: I ate both of Mom's lemon maraigne pies. Ugggh, I'm SO full. I just wanna die. / [[Ebenezer sits next to Snooch]]
/ Eben: I think you have our parts mixed up.
/ Snooch: I do? But aren't you always playing the "tough girl" role? / Underneath the last panel: WWW.FLYOVERCOUNTRY.NET http://twolumps.net/d/20070521.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Guest strip}}
/ [[Ebenezer and Snooch, drawn very realistically as sleek cats, are sitting on the floor watching an insect]]
/ Eben: Look at that bug, just walking in here like he owned the place. I bet he's headed for our bowl.
/ Snooch: Hey, bugs gotta eat same as us. / Eben: No they don't. They're bugs you retard. We're cats. We are mighty hunters, the perfect predator. We were once worshiped as gods, for Christ's sake. Now look at us. We have bugs eating our food.
/ Snooch: Actually, I think it's headed for the litter box. / [[Both cats are walking away]]
/ Snooch: Won't that be funny. When people say you have a bug up your ass--
/ Eben: Shut the fuck up.
/ At bottom of last panel: TWO LUMPS IS c J. GRANT AND MEL HYNES / Underneath last panel: WWW.CLANOFTHECATS.COM http://twolumps.net/d/20070523.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Guest strip}}
/ [[Snooch is batting a ball of yarn]]
/ Snooch: Wee hee! I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get you! / [[Snooch is on his back spastically playing with the ball of yarn. The background is a repeat pattern of gonna get ya gonna get ya gonna get ya]] / [[Ebenezer is sitting on the right looking at Snooch who is now totally tangled in the yarn]]
/ Snooch: Help! It got me! Ebennn!
/ Eben: Decisions, decisions. Do I look for the scissors first, or the video camera?
/ In the bottom left of the last panel is CHARACTERS BY M. HYNES & J. GRANT. In the bottom right of the last panel is A.C.S / Underneath the last panel: WWW.THEBUNNYSYSTEM.COM http://twolumps.net/d/20070525.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer approaches Snooch, who is sitting watching television]]
/ TV voice: Can you say ball?
/ Snooch: BALL!
/ TV voice: Good!
/ Eben: What the dilly? / [[Ebenezer also looks at the television]]
/ Snooch: Since it's Memory Day, I'm learnin' to 'member things!
/ Eben: It's MEMORIAL Day, and you're celebrating by watching public television? How cute. / Snooch: Before this, I learned the Alphabet Song! An' before that, I learned to make Flan de Courgettes avec Pesto! http://twolumps.net/d/20070528.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch sitting on kitchen counter and holds his paw above a half-empty carton of eggs]]
/ Snooch: It's a long par four at the sixth hole. Can Tiger Snooch take this year's cup?
/ Ebenezer: Get on with it! / [[Ebenezer, wearing shades and a lab coat, sits on the floor next to several smashed eggs]] / [[Snooch looks over the edge of the counter]]
/ Snooch: Anything?
/ Ebenezer: Nada. I fear the television lied to us, Snooch. There are no baby chickens in these things.
/ Snooch: We still have like ten left.
/ Ebenezer: Then let us continue! http://twolumps.net/d/20070530.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Wide shot, outside the Lumps' house, Snooch is doing his best impression of a pancake on the sidewalk]] / [[Zoom in on Snooch more, we see he has a poofed out tail and very wide eyes looking upward]] / [[Zoom in even more, Ebenezer is sticking his head outside the front door, looking at Snooch who is fear-frozen in place and is hugging the sidewalk for dear life]]
/ Ebenezer: So what did we learn about running outside if Mom forgets to close the door?
/ Snooch: The ceiling. Where is the #&(%ing ceiling? http://twolumps.net/d/20070601.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch comes running towards Ebenezer at a break-neck speed, looking very frightened]]
/ Snooch: Eben!!! Run!!!
/ Ebenezer: Eh? / [[Zoom out to a big ED-209 looking robot pointed at the Lumps, Snooch continues to run away, Ebenezer is all puffed out]]
/ Snooch: Giant Freakin' Robot!!! / [[Zoom in on Ebenezer and robot's foot, Ebenezer is annoyed, his tail lashing back and forth]]
/ Ebenezer: Run? I think not. Not from a machine. / [[Zoom in on Ebenezer a bit closer, body showing but no tail]]
/ Ebenezer: For I am flesh, and a robot cannot think. / [[Zoom in on Ebenezer's face]]
/ Ebenezer: It cannot reason. It cannot feel. / [[ Zoom out, very wide shot, Robot bending over with guns aimed at Ebenezer]]
/ Ebenezer: I am superior. / [[ Same zoomed out shot, Robot fires on Ebenezer]]
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20070604.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch: OMG. Mom missed one of the cups when she cleaned up after last night's party.
/ Snooch: I can has rum now. / Snooch: NNNNGH
/ Snooch: MUST FIT HEAD IN CUP. / Snooch: GAAAH! F***!!! EBENNNNNN!!!
/ Ebenezer: And for want of a brain, the Mojito was lost. http://twolumps.net/d/20070606.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is sitting at a poker table, wearing smooth sleek sunglasses. He has seven stacks of chips. The on-screen display shows he has the ace and king of hearts, while Snooch has the two and eight of spades]] / [[Snooch is at the poker table, wearing a backwards ballcap and joke glasses with sproingy eyeballs. He has three stacks of chips]] / [[Ebenezer's eyebrows are arched in disgust]]
/ Eben: Damn him. http://twolumps.net/d/20070608.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is lying on a skateboard]]
/ Eben: Mom's boyfriend, silly mortal that he is, left his skateboard out. I shall now become the most radical, awesome cat in the universe! / [[Ebenezer attempts, unsuccessfully, to reach the floor with his front paw]]
/ Eben: GO! GO! MAKE WITH THE RADICAL! ARGH! / [[Eben is now sitting on the skateboard]]
/ Eben: It would appear that movies from the 1980's lied to me. http://twolumps.net/d/20070611.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is sitting in the dark, looking out a window, moonlight shining on him]]
/ Snooch: When I feel down or full of gloom I sometimes sit and look at the moon. I'm always calmed by such a sight Through the window late at night. / [[We're now looking out the window from behind Snooch. The moon is framed in the window]]
/ Snooch: For I may be depressed or fat, But I remember I am only a cat And the moon is forever for all to see From emperors to little old me. / [[Back to scene from first panel]]
/ Snooch: I'd reallly like to eat it. http://twolumps.net/d/20070613.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is walking towards Snooch, who is sitting and frowning at a letter on the floor]]
/ Eben: Ah, I see the checkup results arrived from the vet.
/ Snooch: RAZZUM FRAZZUM
/ Eben: ...and I see they put you on a diet again. / [[Snooch stalks off as Eben sits and looks at the letter]]
/ Snooch: I'll do even better! I'm-a go on a liquid diet!
/ Eben: That's an impressive gesture indeed! Although one has to be careful to carefully regulate protein and balanced-- / [[Eben stares off-panel]]
/ Eben: WHITE RUSSIANS DON'T COUNT, OLEO-BUTT.
/ Snooch off-panel: DO TOO! http://twolumps.net/d/20070615.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is wearing a blindfold upon which a kanji is written]]
/ Snooch: Scorching summer sky / [[Snooch is now sitting in front of a brown and gray bleak cloudy background]]
/ Snooch: Wish I could fling clouds on it / [[The background is gone and Snooch is now sitting among several blobs of white stuff]]
/ Snooch: "Mallow Fluff tm" don't work. http://twolumps.net/d/20070618.html |
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