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| Two Lumps | Ebenezer: The poet Carl Sandburg wrote: "The fog comes on little cat feet. It sits looking over harbor and city on silent haunches and then moves on." / < http://twolumps.net/d/20041001.html |
| Two Lumps | [Snooch on the couch grooming. Ebenezer sitting on the floor. Mom off-camera]
/ Mom: There you are! No, of course I don't mind watching her, she should have a lot of fun with the boys...
/ Ebenezer: You hear that?
/ Snooch: Pizza?
/ Ebenezer: No, you fool, it sounds like Mom's catsitting... and it's a SHE!
/ Mom:... http://twolumps.net/d/20041004.html |
| Two Lumps | Vera: [[pointing at Ebenezer and Snooch]]: KITTIES! KITTIES! KITTY KITTY KITTY!
/ Ebenezer: [[fur raised]] Well, vocabulary isn't one of her strong suits...
/ Snooch: She's loud, Eben. / Vera: [[on couch with both cats, still pointing]]: KITTIES ONNA COUCH WIF ME!
/ Ebenezer: Quite loud. But also ideally... http://twolumps.net/d/20041006.html |
| Two Lumps | [Vera standing next to an ottoman with a bowl of mac'n'cheese on it. Ebenezer and Snooch sitting behind her. Mom off camera.]
/ Mom: Here you go, Vera...mac'n'cheese! Mmm!
/ Vera: Noooooo! I don' wan nit!
/ Ebenezer: Well, it looks like the child is useless to us. What a waste.
/ Snooch: But bouncin' was... http://twolumps.net/d/20041008.html |
| Two Lumps | [Vera with her back to Ebenezer and Snooch. Snooch sitting on the couch. Ebenezer on the floor in front of the couch, pawing at Vera's leg]
/ Ebenezer: Okay, Vera, you've proved your worth. We'd like to form a cat-child alliance. You handle the thumb-type things, like doorknobs...
/ Snooch: And gooshyfood!
/ Ebenezer:... http://twolumps.net/d/20041011.html |
| Two Lumps | [Vera standing. Ebenezer and Snooch sitting facing her. Mom off-camera. Vera has a flower patch on her pant leg]
/ Mom: Okay, Vera, let me show you how to play nice with the kitties.
/ Vera: KITTIES!
/ Ebenezer: Well, at least Mom's realized that we DIDN'T attack the kid. I don't trust it, though.
/ Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20041013.html |
| Two Lumps | [Mom brushing Snooch. Ebenezer and Vera off-camera]
/ Mom: Okay, let's try this again. We brush the kitty with the soft brush, okay? GENTLY.
/ Vera: GENLEEEEE!
/ Ebenezer: I can't believe you're setting yourself up again, you crumbbrain.
/ Snooch: Purr. Purr. But it's the squishy brush! Can't get hurt with... http://twolumps.net/d/20041015.html |
| Two Lumps | [Ebenezer laying in sunbeam. Snooch sitting next to him]
/ Snooch: Eben, I don't like this. Let's get back under the couch.
/ Ebenezer: Relax, my frazzled brother. I heard Mom saying she was putting the childling down for a nap. And any cat knows a good nap never lasts fewer than four hours, so we're perfectly... http://twolumps.net/d/20041018.html |
| Two Lumps | [Ebenezer and Snooch hiding under the couch. Vera off-camera]
/ Vera: KIIIITIIIEEES! I GOTS MILK FOR YOO! HEER KIIITIIIIEES!
/ Ebenezer: What an obvious trap. How stupid does she think we...
/ Snooch: oooOOOOOOoooo! / [Snooch climbing out from under the couch. Ebenezer under the couch. Vera off-camera]
/ Vera:... http://twolumps.net/d/20041020.html |
| Two Lumps | [Vera playing in the litterbox. Snooch and Ebenezer sitting beside it]
/ Snooch: What's she doin'?
/ Vera: YAY! I PLAY INNA SANDBOX!
/ Ebenezer: It seems the child has mistaken our litterbox for a toy, and is busy making quite a mess. This is perfect.
/ Snooch: But I gotta pee... / [Vera running away. Snooch... http://twolumps.net/d/20041022.html |
| Two Lumps | Ebenezer: Ah ha! Mom left a window open. Now's our chance to make a break for it!
/ Snooch: But Benny, it's big and scary outside. / Ebenezer: We'll just go hang out on the roof, and come back as soon as that child is gone. Now, your weight should be more than ample to knock out that screen if you... http://twolumps.net/d/20041025.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch repeatedly hurling himself into the wall under the window.]]
/ Ebenezer: Oh, quit mauling the wall, you heap. I'll do it.
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20041027.html |
| Two Lumps | [Night. Snooch and Ebenezer running in front of the couch from left of panel to the right]
/ <*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*>
/ Ebenezer: Quick! This is our chance to make a break for it! ESCAPE THE CHILD!
/ Snooch: RUNNING RUNNING / [Ebenezer and Snooch stopped in front of the door. Ebenezer has an exclamation point... http://twolumps.net/d/20041029.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben and Snooch sitting next to a cake with a "100" candle on top]]
/ Ebenezer: Some of you humans might wonder what goes into a cake made for cats.
/ Snooch: Ooooooooo! I smell tuna fish!
/ Ebenezer: It is best not to ask. / Subscript: 100th strip! Thanks, and keep reading! http://twolumps.net/d/20041101.html |
| Two Lumps | [Snooch stretched out on his side with his tongue hanging out over an American flag]
/ Text: Making America more OBESE
/ Text: VOTE SNOOCH! http://twolumps.net/d/20041102.html |
| Two Lumps | [Mom standing next to the couch. Ebenezer and Snooch hiding under the couch]
/ Mom: Guys? Vera's gone home, you can come out now...
/ Snooch: It's safe now?
/ Ebenezer: In theory. But making her worry for a little while is the second half of her recompense for foisting that child on us. / [Ebenezer and... http://twolumps.net/d/20041103.html |
| Two Lumps | [Ebenezer sitting on bathroom counter watching something off-camera. Mom off-camera]
/ Mom: La la lee lee da dumm... / [Ebenezer sitting on bathroom counter, facing the camera]
/ Ebenezer: I still don't get it. You have no hair to lick in the shower, so you use foamy fake spit? http://twolumps.net/d/20041105.html |
| Two Lumps | Ebenezer: Hear the griping of MEER - Piercing meer!
/ What a world of misery we portray for you here!
/ How we whine, whine, whine,
/ In the living room at night!
/ While we deny that we are fine
/ And on the gooshyfood must dine,
/ As is our true feline right;
/ And we kvetch, kvetch, kvetch,
/ That our dinner... http://twolumps.net/d/20041108.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Mom sits on couch. Snooch is sitting in front of her, looking forlorn.]]
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20041110.html |
| Two Lumps | [Ebenezer and Snooch sitting in front of the couch. Mom walking by. Snooch freaking out]
/ Snooch: Oh no! She's got the cat carrier! We have to go back to the vet! AAAAAAAAAA!
/ Ebenezer: That's not the cat carrier, Snooch. Our carrier is smaller than that. Calm down already. / [Ebenezer and Snooch sitting... http://twolumps.net/d/20041112.html |
| Two Lumps | Ebenezer: All right, you've been acting like even more of a brain-damaged spaz than normal. WHAT on cat-given Earth is eating you?
/ Snooch: I... I was watchin' the TV and I saw this scary movie.
/ Ebenezer: Do tell. / Snooch: an' they got abandoned and sad an' it was HORRIBLE!
/ Ebenezer: "The Incredible... http://twolumps.net/d/20041115.html |
| Two Lumps | [Snooch lying on the window sill. Ebenezer sitting on the floor nearby]
/ Snooch: Purr. Purr. Purr. Nice cool breeze. I'm so glad summer's finally over.
/ Ebenezer: Ah, Snooch... You do realize we're in Texas, right? / [Lightning bolt outside window. Snooch flying backward with all his hair on end]
/ http://twolumps.net/d/20041117.html |
| Two Lumps | [Ebenezer reading a letter]
/ Ebenezer: Mom got a letter from the vet. I'm making sure it gets "lost" if they say we're due for any unpleasant procedures. Let's see... "Dear Cat Owner, blah blah blah, we would like to discuss with you a new checkup regimen as our records show Ebenezer and Snooch are now... http://twolumps.net/d/20041119.html |
| Two Lumps | [[The cats on the couch.]]
/ Mom: Hey boys, I'm home from the store! *slam*
/ Eben: Egads, that's a lot of food. I'm amazed she carried all of that.
/ Snooch: FOOD FOOD FOOD OH BOY OH BOY FOODY FOOD FOOD!
/ Eben: Down, Snooch. / [[Cats in the kitchen, staring at frozen turkey.]]
/ Eben: Ah, it's THAT time... http://twolumps.net/d/20041122.html |
| Two Lumps | [Snooch is sitting next to the recently-devoured turkey on the counter, while Ebeneezer looks off-camera left in fear]
/ Mom: [off camera] What's that noise? You boys had better not be messing with the turkey...
/ Snooch: WE'RE DOOMED!
/ Ebeneezer: I've got a plan that should buy us some time. I'll get... http://twolumps.net/d/20041124.html |
| Two Lumps | [Ebeneezer sits by the turkey carcass as Snooch hacks up a hairball off camera]
/ Snooch: [off-camera] *hack blarg flug*
/ Mom: [off-camera] Oh Snooch, no!
/ Ebeneezer: There's the distraction... I'll have to be quick. / [Snooch watches from the floor as Ebeneezer puts the final touches on a fake turkey]
/ Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20041126.html |
| Two Lumps | The fearsome jungle cat stalks through the foliage.
/ Truly this magnificent creature is king of all he surveys. / He approaches his personal watering hole, and is aghast! Some foreign creature has dared to sully his royal sanctuary! The noble animal is rightly outraged! / Don't give me that look, cat.... http://twolumps.net/d/20041129.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Two life-like tigers are pictured, looking outward menacingly]]
/ Eben: The fierce jungle felines stalk their natural prey through the dense foliage. They are wily and fearsome.
/ Snooch: RARR! / [[A life-like tiger is on a grassy plain, stalking a smaller animal]]
/ Eben: They spot their natural prey... http://twolumps.net/d/20041201.html |
| Two Lumps | [Snooch and Ebeneezer are lying on the couch]
/ Ebeneezer: So, now that you've channeled your Inner Ocelot, don't you feel more centered?
/ Snooch: I guess so... feelin' sleepy. / [Snooch rolls over, while Ebeneezer settles down for a nap]
/ Ebeneezer: That's good. Your inner hunter is sated from the slaughter.... http://twolumps.net/d/20041203.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch and Ebeneezer are sitting in front of the television. Ebeneezer is using the controller.]]
/ Snooch: Whatcha playi.... Oooooooo! Mousies!
/ Ebeneezer: No, not mice. Lemmings. It's an old game. I have to kill or not kill these rodents as the situation warrants.
/ Snooch: I'm gonna play with them... http://twolumps.net/d/20041206.html |
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