Two Lumps: The Adventures of Ebenezer and Snooch archives

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Two Lumps	[[Snooch is looking at a book and frowning heavily.]] / Snooch: THIS MAKES NO SENSE. / Ebenezer: Shakespeare? Well, there might be a bit of a language barrier. / Snooch: WHY does this guy have a fishstick in his pants? / Ebenezer: Actually a "codpiece" is an item of clothing. Once you pick up the language... http://twolumps.net/d/20100331.html
Two Lumps	[[Snooch's head is visible poking out of the hatch of a tank. Big title: SPATULA WARS: THE ENEMY LURKING]] / Snooch: Dude, I can't believe we captured this thing! Start the tank, Eben! / Ebenezer: OH FOR THE LOVE OF OSIRIS'S LOX AND BAGELS! / Ebenezer: FOR THE LAST TIME, this is NOT a tank! It's a... http://twolumps.net/d/20100402.html
Two Lumps	Snooch: Music is stupid. / Ebenezer: I told you, you don't have the right kind of lips to play harmonica. / Snooch: No, the innernets said that ol'-school hip-hop's mostly scratching records. I fig'red, I know how to scratch! / Ebenezer: Good thing Mom hasn't had vinyl records since the '80s. / Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20100405.html
Two Lumps	[[Ebenezer is lying on the couch, Snooch sitting next to him.]] / Ebenezer: Ah, Spring, when a young... / Snooch: Sorta... / Ebenezer: YOUNG cat's thoughts turn to love. / [[In a thought balloon above Ebenezer is a picture of a long-haired cat with a pink ribbon on the tail.]] / Ebenezer: sigh / [[In a... http://twolumps.net/d/20100407.html
Two Lumps	[[Enter Ebenezer. Snooch is wearing denim overalls and a straw hat, and is surrounded by flowerpots and a big bag marked "SOIL". On the left is a book.]] / Ebenezer: "Farming for Morons"? / Snooch: Yeah! I'm-a grow food an' then I never hafta wait for dinner! / Ebenezer: Oh? Where'd you get the seeds? / Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20100409.html

Two Lumps	[[Snooch is looking up at a jar on the kitchen counter. The jar is labeled with a picture of a chicken]] / Snooch: Eben! How do chickens make bouillon cubes? Do they lay 'em like they do eggs? / Ebenezer (from off-panel): What? No! Chickens don't lay broth cubes. / Snooch: Huh? Then who does? / Ebenezer:... http://twolumps.net/d/20100412.html
Two Lumps	[[Ebenezer is lying on the couch.]] / <<SCHWACK>> / Snooch (from off-panel): DIE! WAH HA HA! / <<SCHWACK>> / Snooch: DIE, FOUL BEASTS! / Ebenezer: What are you murdering in there? / <<SCHWACK>> / Snooch (still off-panel): VAMPIRES! / Ebenezer: Argh. / [[Enter Snooch, looking very pleased with himself.]] / Ebenezer:... http://twolumps.net/d/20100414.html
Two Lumps	Ebenezer: What ho, pamplemousse? / Snooch: Dude! Mom got a fishbowl! But either there's no fish, or it's hiding. / Ebenezer: It's being Koi, eh? / Snooch: Something like that. / [[Wordless panel of Snooch staring at the bowl.]] / Ebenezer: My puns are WASTED in this house. / Snooch: No, no, I got that... http://twolumps.net/d/20100416.html
Two Lumps	[[Snooch, a wide grin on his face, is looking at a fishbowl with a plant, a castle, and an angry-looking fish in it]] / Snooch: Benny! There IS a fish in there! / Ebenezer off panel: I saw. Mom put it in this morning. / Snooch: Awesome! / [[Snooch continues watching the fish]] / [[And continues watching]] / Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20100419.html
Two Lumps	[[Snooch is staring at an angry fish in a fishbowl. Ebenezer is watching]] / Eben: Trying to control our new roommate's mind via your psychic powers? / Snooch: Starin' contest. / [[Close-up of Snooch and the fish]] / Snooch: He started it. My nicotation membranes give me the edge. I will not be distracted.... http://twolumps.net/d/20100421.html

Two Lumps	[[Snooch and the fish continue their staring contest.]] / [[Zoom in a little more; Snooch and the fish continue staring, wordless.]] / Fish: SOCIALIST! / [[Snooch rears back, startled.]] / Snooch: Gah!!! http://twolumps.net/d/20100423.html
Two Lumps	[[Snooch is still facing down the fish.]] / Snooch: What? I ain't a fancy lady goin' out to movie star parties! / Fish: Not a socialite, ya moron! Yer a socialist! / Snooch: No, I'm a Russian Blue. / Fish: A...Russian...Blue?! / Fish: COMMUNIST DEMOCRAT!!! / Snooch: I'm just gonna be under the couch ... http://twolumps.net/d/20100426.html
Two Lumps	[[Ebenezer is lying on the couch. Snooch is stalking in from stage left, looking disgruntled and lashing his tail.]] / Snooch: That fish is a JERK! / Ebenezer: Oh? / Snooch: He called me a socialist, Marxist, communist democrat! / [[Closeup on Ebenezer who is looking nonplussed.]] / [[Snooch is now lying... http://twolumps.net/d/20100428.html
Two Lumps	[[Ebenezer is looking into the fishbowl.]] / Ebenezer: Greetings, fish. My brother reports that you've been saying ridiculous things, and I wanted to clarify -- / Fish: COMMIE DEMOCRAT! / Ebenezer: Ah. Look, you. Democracy and Socialism are completely disparate concepts. It would be almost impossible... http://twolumps.net/d/20100430.html
Two Lumps	[[Ebenezer continues to have it out with the fish.]] / Fish: GO HOME, COMMIE! / Ebenezer: I was born here. "Russian" is just a historical part of the breed. / Fish: DON'T MATTER! ONCE YA GET COMMIE IN THE BLOODLINE IT'S ALL OVER! / Ebenezer: Say, aren't koi historically from Communist China? / [[The fish... http://twolumps.net/d/20100503.html

Two Lumps	Fish: DON'T MATTER! I RENOUNCE THAT HERITAGE BY BEING AGGRESSIVELY PATRIOTIC! NOT LIKE YOU LIBERAL SOCIALIST NAZI HIPPIES! / Ebenezer: Yup, that's me. Heil Granola. / Ebenezer: Seriously, you think you're going to start a revolution from inside a fishbowl? / Fish: I AIN'T A REVOLUTIONARY! JUST AN OLD-FASHIONED... http://twolumps.net/d/20100505.html
Two Lumps	Ebenezer: Look, fish. I'm not your enemy. / Fish: OH YEAH? THEN WHO IS? / Ebenezer: I dunno. I'm just saying we're all a family in here, so we're all on the same side. / Fish: YOU'RE RIGHT! IT'S THE OUTSIDERS WHO'RE THE PROBLEM! WHO SHOULD I BE WATCHING? / Ebenezer: Well, I've always thought the neighbors'... http://twolumps.net/d/20100507.html
Two Lumps	[[Eben and Snooch are sitting on the couch.]] / Snooch: Whatdja get Mom for Mother's Day? / Ebenezer: A friend in the financial sector owed me a favor, so I reduced the interest rate on her credit cards. You? / Snooch: Ah, y'know me. I like the classics. / Ebenezer: Candy? A bouquet of flowers? / Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20100510.html
Two Lumps	[[Snooch is watching television.]] / Television: Recently discovered, Tyrannobdella rex or "tyrant leech king" has eight giant teeth in its single jaw... / [[Snooch looks disgusted.]] / Television: The giant leech lives in fresh water until it has the opportunity to climb into the nose or other orifice... http://twolumps.net/d/20100512.html
Two Lumps	[[Title in large letters: Tim Burton's TWO LUMPS. Ebenezer, wearing a dapper outfit with a purple bow tie and a hat with matching purple ribbon, is facing down someone in a cloak. In the background is a jumble that might be rocks and flowers.]] / Ebenezer: You stole the gooshy food. So I killed you.... http://twolumps.net/d/20100514.html

Two Lumps	[[Title: Dan Brown's Eben and Snooch]] / [[Snooch is wearing a collared shirt and Ebenezer a robe with priest's collar. They're looking at an assortment of fruit.]] / Snooch: At last. The tomb of Miguel Von Fruitti, deep in the catacombs under the Louvre in Venice. / Eben: The ancient scroll of Clues... http://twolumps.net/d/20100517.html
Two Lumps	[[Title: M. Night (crossed out)Shamaly (crossed out)Shyalan Shyamalan's TWO LUMPS]] / Snooch: But how do we keep coming up with cat jokes in the comic? / Ebenezer: It's quite simple. / [[written in small letters near Eben: what a twist lol]] / Ebenezer: We really DO have secret cameras in the houses... http://twolumps.net/d/20100519.html
Two Lumps	{{Title text frame}}Ang Lee Presents / Two Lumps / Snooch: I have come for the legendary Gou-Shei! / Ebenezer: You shall never have it! / [[No talking in this frame]] / Snooch: WHERE'S THAT CELLO MUSIC COMING FROM?! / Ebenezer: Landing-on-feet instinct and instinct are a disharmonious combination. http://twolumps.net/d/20100521.html
Two Lumps	[[Title: UWE BOLL'S (very small letters:)Two Lumps: (larger letters) IN THE NAME Of the Lesbeian Magic NINJA TREE]] / [[A strange finned creature, all white with veins, with an eyeball for a head is facing a flying reptile wearing a hat.]] / Creature: I am the Eyeball Demon. / Reptile: I am the dragon... http://twolumps.net/d/20100524.html
Two Lumps	[[Title: Michael Bay presents TWO LUMPS]] / [[Snooch and Eben are sitting on the couch.]] / Snooch: Knock knock! / Ebenezer: Who's th-- / [[A gigantic explosion sends the cats flying.]] / <> / [[The couch is in flames. A helicopter is visible in the background.]] / Ebenezer: They...THEY... http://twolumps.net/d/20100526.html

Two Lumps	[[Title: Frank Miller presents 2 LUMPS]] / [[We see the usual couch, but the scene is stark black and white. Snooch lies on his back in front of the couch, legs splayed out. Ebenezer is visible in silhouette in the foreground.]] / Ebenezer: He fell like a sack of meat. I won. Funny how things work... http://twolumps.net/d/20100528.html
Two Lumps	[[Snooch is lying on the couch, head and paws hanging over the edge. He looks dead.]] / [[Enter Ebenezer.]] / Ebenezer: You gonna live? / Snooch: Uuuuugh. / Ebenezer: Pretty wild party last night. / Snooch: Why is it called Memorial Day when I can't remember anything? http://twolumps.net/d/20100531.html
Two Lumps	[[Ebenezer is sitting looking at a book. There's a blowup panel with a little arrow pointing to the book, showing us the title page. It's a complicated mathematics textbook written in Latin.]] / [[Enter Snooch, wearing sunglasses and jams.]] / Snooch: WOOHOO! Time to go to the beach! / Ebenezer: For... http://twolumps.net/d/20100602.html
Two Lumps	[[On the right sits Ebenezer; on the left is a strange cat who is standing upright and has huge eyes.]] / Strange cat: It is time! Change over! / Ebenezer: What? / Strange cat: It is anime time! I like anime time! / [[Ebenezer is now in an upright pose like the strange cat. His eyes are slitted and... http://twolumps.net/d/20100604.html
Two Lumps	[[Title: The Adventures of Dr. Ebenezer von Moustachio and Captain "Snooch" McMonocle. Chapter 7: Industrious Innovation]] / [[long shot of an airship with fins and gears. Small figures are barely visible in a hanging gondola car with wheels. Ebenezer and Snooch can be distinguished by their usual... http://twolumps.net/d/20100607.html

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