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| Two Lumps | [[Three birds hold hand held phones to their heads, which they speak through, while a fourth calls through a hands-free adaptor]]
/ Ebenezer: Oho! A riposte! You managed to train four common birds to use tiny cell phones, without eating even one of them!
/ Snooch: Told you I could! Nyah! [[sticks tongue... http://twolumps.net/d/20081216.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch holds five yellow rings]]
/ Snooch [[in several fonts]]: Five GOLDEN RINGS! / Ebenezer: You were really looking forward to that one, weren't you?
/ Snooch: Duh! It's finally not a bird! What's up with that, anyway?
/ [[Snooch stands beside an empty box of onion rings with crumbs falling from his... http://twolumps.net/d/20081217.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch holds five yellow rings]]
/ Snooch [[in several fonts]]: Five GOLDEN RINGS! / Ebenezer: You were really looking forward to that one, weren't you?
/ Snooch: Duh! It's finally not a bird! What's up with that, anyway?
/ [[Snooch stands beside an empty box of onion rings with crumbs falling from his... http://twolumps.net/d/20081217.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Six geese lie on and around the sofa, each with a can of either beer or soda/pop. A large bag of chips, and Snooch, are on the floor]]
/ Snooch [[to geese]]: Hey, guys.
/ Goose 2 [[holding a video game controler]]: SUP? / Snooch: You guys wanna do anything? Maybe go out for food?
/ Goose 1: NAH.
/ Goose... http://twolumps.net/d/20081218.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Six geese lie on and around the sofa, each with a can of either beer or soda/pop. A large bag of chips, and Snooch, are on the floor]]
/ Snooch [[to geese]]: Hey, guys.
/ Goose 2 [[holding a video game controler]]: SUP? / Snooch: You guys wanna do anything? Maybe go out for food?
/ Goose 1: NAH.
/ Goose... http://twolumps.net/d/20081218.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Six geese lie on and around the sofa, each with a can of either beer or soda/pop. A large bag of chips, and Snooch, are on the floor]]
/ Snooch [[to geese]]: Hey, guys.
/ Goose 2 [[holding a video game controler]]: SUP? / Snooch: You guys wanna do anything? Maybe go out for food?
/ Goose 1: NAH.
/ Goose... http://twolumps.net/d/20081218.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch sit before the bathtub, from which seven white-feathered wings stick out]]
/ Ebenezer: Synchronized Swan Swimming! Or S^3 for short!
/ Snooch: WHoA! / Snooch: Impressive, dude!
/ Ebenezer: Combining two of the world's most graceful offerings was no mean feat, but worth it. / [[The... http://twolumps.net/d/20081219.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch sit before the bathtub, from which seven white-feathered wings stick out]]
/ Ebenezer: Synchronized Swan Swimming! Or S^3 for short!
/ Snooch: WHoA! / Snooch: Impressive, dude!
/ Ebenezer: Combining two of the world's most graceful offerings was no mean feat, but worth it. / [[The... http://twolumps.net/d/20081219.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch [[to computer screen]]: HOLY $*&T!! http://twolumps.net/d/20081220.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch [[to computer screen]]: HOLY $*&T!! http://twolumps.net/d/20081220.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch [[To a lady in red heels and tight nylons]]: Shake it, number eight! Woo woo! Yeah! / Ebenezer: You bought a pole and stage, and hired nine exotic dancers?
/ Snooch: Hell yeah! / Ebenezer: How?
/ Snooch: THE INTERNETS!
/ Ebenezer: Oh, Mom's gonna just LOVE your remodeling plan.
/ [[A lady in green... http://twolumps.net/d/20081221.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch [[To a lady in red heels and tight nylons]]: Shake it, number eight! Woo woo! Yeah! / Ebenezer: You bought a pole and stage, and hired nine exotic dancers?
/ Snooch: Hell yeah! / Ebenezer: How?
/ Snooch: THE INTERNETS!
/ Ebenezer: Oh, Mom's gonna just LOVE your remodeling plan.
/ [[A lady in green... http://twolumps.net/d/20081221.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch stare off-panel]]
/ Snoch: Whoa! Now the dance stage is being jumped on by Lord William Peel, Traci Lords, all six members of the Lords of Acid, Lord Richard Attenborough and Jack Lord of Hawaii Five-o!!! They're destroying everything with their leaping about!!!
/ Ebenezer: GREAT... http://twolumps.net/d/20081222.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch stare off-panel]]
/ Snoch: Whoa! Now the dance stage is being jumped on by Lord William Peel, Traci Lords, all six members of the Lords of Acid, Lord Richard Attenborough and Jack Lord of Hawaii Five-o!!! They're destroying everything with their leaping about!!!
/ Ebenezer: GREAT... http://twolumps.net/d/20081222.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch at the feet of eleven men wearing kilts]]
/ Ebenezer: Goggles.
/ Snooch: Check.
/ Ebenezer: Hearing protection.
/ Snooch: Check!
/ Ebenezer: 11 Scotsmen with bagpipes?
/ Snooch: Uh... check?
/ Ebenezer: Let's get to the viewing area. / [[Ebenezer and Snooch watch the house from a distant... http://twolumps.net/d/20081223.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch at the feet of eleven men wearing kilts]]
/ Ebenezer: Goggles.
/ Snooch: Check.
/ Ebenezer: Hearing protection.
/ Snooch: Check!
/ Ebenezer: 11 Scotsmen with bagpipes?
/ Snooch: Uh... check?
/ Ebenezer: Let's get to the viewing area. / [[Ebenezer and Snooch watch the house from a distant... http://twolumps.net/d/20081223.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch stand at the feet of twelve men]]
/ Eben: Well, twelve drummers should about wrap it up. Happy Holi--
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20081224.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Large, red, blackletter font]]
/ Eben and Snooch would like to remind you that nutmeg, if taken in large amounts, is a hallucinogenic drug. / [[Ebenezer and Snooch, heavily distorted, surrounded by floating images of a yellow skull, a pill capsule, a spiky santa hat, a candy cane, and a mistletoe;... http://twolumps.net/d/20081225.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Large, red, blackletter font]]
/ Eben and Snooch would like to remind you that nutmeg, if taken in large amounts, is a hallucinogenic drug. / [[Ebenezer and Snooch, heavily distorted, surrounded by floating images of a yellow skull, a pill capsule, a spiky santa hat, a candy cane, and a mistletoe;... http://twolumps.net/d/20081225.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben is standing in front of a pine tree that has fallen over. He is standing in a reciting posture with one front paw raised, the other held in front of his chest.]]
/ Eben: O Christmas, tree, O Christmas tree, My brother knocked you do-own O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, Because he's a big clo-own / Eben:... http://twolumps.net/d/20081229.html |
| Two Lumps | Eben: I can't believe you never knew where milk came from.
/ Snooch [[looking ill]]: YUCK.
/ Eben: Why did you think there was a cow on the carton? / Snooch [[grimacing]]: I thought it was a picture of the farm where they grew it!
/ Eben [[washing himself]]: Farm? "Grew it?"
/ Snooch: Kinda like how they... http://twolumps.net/d/20081231.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben is curled on the couch, Snooch is sprawled on his back on the floor]]
/ Snooch: 4... 3... 2... 1... HAPPY NEW BEER!!! ...dangit. / Eben [[glaring at Snooch]]: For the ninth time, Snooch, it's Happy New YEAR. And you can only do that once annually. At midnight. On the first day of the year.
/ Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20090102.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is looking out window at rain]]
/ Snooch: So rain is just water falling out of clouds. Clouds are water vapor from the ground. / Snooch [[looking upwards]]: Benny says water vapor is invisible, but I can see clouds and rain. / Snooch [[looking out window again]]: I must have super powers.
/ Eben... http://twolumps.net/d/20090105.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch [[looking upwards]]: I been thinkin'...
/ Eben: Saints preserve us. / Snooch [[grin on face]]: If we filled the kitchen with banana slugs, we could make a skating rink! / Snooch [[quizzical expression]]: Is... is that wrong?
/ Eben [[glaring]]: YES.
/ Snooch: See, that's why I ask. http://twolumps.net/d/20090107.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer, curled on couch, is glaring at Snooch, who is wearing red wax lips]]
/ Snooch: BOOGA BOOGA!
/ Eben: Wax lips frighten me not, Snooch. Nor are they even particularly funny.
/ Snooch: Awww... / Eben [[alone, dropping paw over edge of couch]]: Yes, I know it's hard for you to fathom, but the slapstick... http://twolumps.net/d/20090109.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer, curled on couch, is glaring at Snooch, who is wearing red wax lips]]
/ Snooch: BOOGA BOOGA!
/ Eben: Wax lips frighten me not, Snooch. Nor are they even particularly funny.
/ Snooch: Awww... / Eben [[alone, dropping paw over edge of couch]]: Yes, I know it's hard for you to fathom, but the slapstick... http://twolumps.net/d/20090109.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is looking at an open book on the floor, Eben is washing himself]]
/ Snooch: These books are always sayin' cats got nine lives.
/ Eben: It's a metaphor. / Snooch: So my other 8 lives aren't off doin' other stuff?
/ Eben [[looking up]]: No, it refers to our ability to escape from situations that... / Eben... http://twolumps.net/d/20090112.html |
| Two Lumps | [[A courtroom]]
/ Judge Judy: OKAY, SO WE HAVE A DOMESTIC ASSAULT CASE, ALSO INVOLVING A CHILD? WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU CHUCKLEHEADS? I OUGHTTA- / [[A hand puppet bashes Judge Judy on the head with a bat]]
/ Punch: HALLOA HALLOA HALLOA!
/ Judge Judy: AAAUGH! F*(#!!! / [[Ebenezer and Snooch]]
/ Ebenezer:... http://twolumps.net/d/20090114.html |
| Two Lumps | [[A courtroom]]
/ Judge Judy: OKAY, SO WE HAVE A DOMESTIC ASSAULT CASE, ALSO INVOLVING A CHILD? WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU CHUCKLEHEADS? I OUGHTTA- / [[A hand puppet bashes Judge Judy on the head with a bat]]
/ Punch: HALLOA HALLOA HALLOA!
/ Judge Judy: AAAUGH! F*(#!!! / [[Ebenezer and Snooch]]
/ Ebenezer:... http://twolumps.net/d/20090114.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer stares, startled, at Snooch holding a plush toy in his mouth]]
/ Ebenezer: What in Sif's neti pot are you doing?
/ Snooch: I'm takin' my kill to show Mom! I'm a mighty hunter! / [[Snooch drops the toy]]
/ Ebenezer: That's a plush armadillo toy.
/ Snooch: So?
/ Ebenezer: It doesn't count as a "kill,"... http://twolumps.net/d/20090116.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer stares, startled, at Snooch holding a plush toy in his mouth]]
/ Ebenezer: What in Sif's neti pot are you doing?
/ Snooch: I'm takin' my kill to show Mom! I'm a mighty hunter! / [[Snooch drops the toy]]
/ Ebenezer: That's a plush armadillo toy.
/ Snooch: So?
/ Ebenezer: It doesn't count as a "kill,"... http://twolumps.net/d/20090116.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch and Eben sleeping on couch]]
/ Snooch: zzz... have some gooshyfood, Mr. Squirrel! zz... / [[Eben is awake and listening]]
/ Snooch: ...no, there's plenty... been hidin' it from Eben... 's behind the radiator... / Snooch: ...be the Squirrel King? I'd love to...
/ Eben [[walking away]]: Off to... http://twolumps.net/d/20090119.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben is sitting reading a book]] / [[Eben looks up to see Snooch wearing a colorful ethnic mask]]
/ Snooch: BOOGA! / [[Eben looks back down at book]]
/ Snooch: Not even gonna ask?
/ Eben: Nope.
/ Snooch: Awww... http://twolumps.net/d/20090121.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben approaches couch. Snooch is drooped over front of couch]]
/ Eben: "Theme drinks are in! I'll be famous!" he says. / Eben [[sitting]]: "Tom Collins mix and Sailor Jerry rum will be delicious!" he says.
/ Snooch: *urgh* / Eben [[washing himself]]: "Everyone will want a Tom & Jerry!" he says...
/ Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20090123.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben approaches couch. Snooch is drooped over front of couch]]
/ Eben: "Theme drinks are in! I'll be famous!" he says. / Eben [[sitting]]: "Tom Collins mix and Sailor Jerry rum will be delicious!" he says.
/ Snooch: *urgh* / Eben [[washing himself]]: "Everyone will want a Tom & Jerry!" he says...
/ Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20090123.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben is looking at Snooch. Snooch is holding a marker in his mouth, with a paper on the floor in front of him]]
/ Eben: Writing the Unified Field Theory?
/ Snooch: Huh? Nah, I figured with the new president an' stuff, I could sell tee shirts! / Eben [[twisting head to read paper]]: "As American as apple... http://twolumps.net/d/20090126.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Mom is sitting in front of a computer]]
/ Mom: BRB guys. Bio Break. Don't start the raid without me. / [[Mom is gone, Eben is sitting by the computer chair]] / [[Mom returns. Eben is curled up on chair]]
/ Mom: I was there first, Eben.
/ Eben: Some people keep their chairs. Others eat $#!^ and die. http://twolumps.net/d/20090128.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Close-up of Snooch's and Eben's faces]]
/ Snooch: Hey, Eben! What's this doohickey?
/ Eben: Looks like Mom finally got a webcam. / [[Close-up of Snooch with gleeful expression]]
/ Snooch: Wazzat?
/ Eben: It's like a regular videocamera, but what it sees is viewed by everyone in the world.
/ Snooch: COOL! / Eben:... http://twolumps.net/d/20090130.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is sitting on the bathroom counter, staring into the sink]] / Eben [[on the floor]]: It's a sink, Snooch.
/ Snooch: I figured it all out.
/ Eben: Did you now? / Snooch: The water goes from the sink to the shower. Then from the shower to the toilet. But until I can prove it, I'm stickin' to booze.
/ Eben:... http://twolumps.net/d/20090202.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is staring at several lemons on a counter. A pitcher labeled lemonade, filled with with yellow liquid, is also on the counter]] / [[Snooch is now staring at the pitcher of lemonade]] / [[Burning candle appears over Snooch's head. Snooch looks horribly shocked]] / [[Snooch, cowering below... http://twolumps.net/d/20090204.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is staring at several lemons on a counter. A pitcher labeled lemonade, filled with with yellow liquid, is also on the counter]] / [[Snooch is now staring at the pitcher of lemonade]] / [[Burning candle appears over Snooch's head. Snooch looks horribly shocked]] / [[Snooch, cowering below... http://twolumps.net/d/20090204.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben is lying on couch]]
/ Mom [[off-panel]]: Sure, I've got that item, I just sent it to my other character for safekeeping. Let me log on my rogue. / [[Snooch walks in front of couch]]
/ Mom [[off-panel]]: Wait, maybe it was my death knight. No... paladin? Priest? Arrgh, where is that thing?!
/ Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20090206.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben is lying on couch]]
/ Mom [[off-panel]]: Sure, I've got that item, I just sent it to my other character for safekeeping. Let me log on my rogue. / [[Snooch walks in front of couch]]
/ Mom [[off-panel]]: Wait, maybe it was my death knight. No... paladin? Priest? Arrgh, where is that thing?!
/ Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20090206.html |
| Two Lumps | Eben [[on couch, washing]]: Plumbing doesn't involve plums, you know.
/ Snooch [[dragging pipe wrench in his mouth]]: I'm-a put it on Mom's pillow! / Eben: Don't tell me you're going to claim to have hunted THAT.
/ Snooch: Nah! The email said that "ladies want a huge tool in the bedroom!" / Eben: But...y'know... http://twolumps.net/d/20090209.html |
| Two Lumps | Eben [[on couch, washing]]: Plumbing doesn't involve plums, you know.
/ Snooch [[dragging pipe wrench in his mouth]]: I'm-a put it on Mom's pillow! / Eben: Don't tell me you're going to claim to have hunted THAT.
/ Snooch: Nah! The email said that "ladies want a huge tool in the bedroom!" / Eben: But...y'know... http://twolumps.net/d/20090209.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is reading from a book laying on the floor]]
/ Snooch: So a psychiatrist works with minds an' emotional stuff.
/ Eben [[looking away disdainfully]]: Yes. / Snooch: An' a geologist studies stones an' jewels an' stuff.
/ Eben [[looking at snooch]]: Right. / Snooch: So a psych-ologist makes mood... http://twolumps.net/d/20090211.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is reading from a book laying on the floor]]
/ Snooch: So a psychiatrist works with minds an' emotional stuff.
/ Eben [[looking away disdainfully]]: Yes. / Snooch: An' a geologist studies stones an' jewels an' stuff.
/ Eben [[looking at snooch]]: Right. / Snooch: So a psych-ologist makes mood... http://twolumps.net/d/20090211.html |
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