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| Two Lumps | [[3 panels of Snooch with a garbage bag stretched over his face like a mask. Eben is lying beside him on the couch. ]]
/ Snooch: I'm Batman.
/ Ebenezer: You're an idiot with a garbage bag. http://twolumps.net/d/20080806.html |
| Two Lumps | [[3 panels of Snooch with a garbage bag stretched over his face like a mask. Eben is lying beside him on the couch. ]]
/ Snooch: I'm Batman.
/ Ebenezer: You're an idiot with a garbage bag. http://twolumps.net/d/20080806.html |
| Two Lumps | Ebenezer: I thought you'd moved beyond children's TV?
/ Snooch: No way! There's so much left to learn! / Ebenezer: More songs about using the potty?
/ Snooch: Nah, I re'lized, kids are CHAMPIONS at whinin' for stuff!
/ Ebenezer: ... you make an excellent point. / Snooch: I been practicin', watch! "WAAAHHHH!... http://twolumps.net/d/20080808.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch: Ooo! You gots marshmallows! Gimme some!
/ Ebenezer: No, fudgeaholic, this is an ergonomic squeeze ball. / Ebenezer: It reduces stress and strengthens claw muscles. Wanna try?
/ Snooch: Boo-ring. I'm outta here. / Ebenezer: I need to work on my story. He almost didn't fall for that one.
/ Ebenezer:... http://twolumps.net/d/20080811.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer looks up at Snooch, who is sitting in a chair looking at a computer screen]]
/ Eben: A podcast? Really?
/ Snooch: Yeah! Looks simple to me!
/ Eben: What's the format? / Snooch: Just a buncha my favorite songs, an' then a T&A session.
/ Eben: WHAT?
/ Snooch: Y'know, where people ask me stuff! / Eben:... http://twolumps.net/d/20080813.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer, stunned, is looking at Snooch, who is sitting front of a canvas on an easel, holding a dripping paintbrush in his mouth]]
/ Eben: Loki's sparky hightops, you can PAINT?!
/ Snooch: I been learnin' how on TV!
/ Eben: Focusing on the surrealist masters, looks like... / [[Eben looks more closely... http://twolumps.net/d/20080815.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben looks at Snooch, who is looking at a book on the floor]]
/ Snooch: So... we're Russian Blues.
/ Eben: Congratulations, you've discovered the mirror.
/ Snooch: Is that why we're takin' over the world? / Eben: No, all felines are part of that plan. Why?
/ Snooch: Well, I noticed that all real bad stuff's... http://twolumps.net/d/20080818.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch has overturned the trash back and is examining the contents. Ebenezer walks in.]]
/ Ebenezer: What in Fibonacci's mudflaps?
/ Snooch: I'm makin' sure we don't got no animal-cruel products in the house!
/ Ebenezer: Oh good, you've been on the internet again. / [[Snooch has found something and... http://twolumps.net/d/20080820.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch, on the floor, and Ebenezer, in a chair, are sitting in the dark watching TV]]
/ Voice on TV: This program may be too intense for young viewers.
/ Snooch: YAY MIDNIGHT MONSTER MOVIE!
/ Eben: Just keep it down, Mom doesn't like us playing around this late. / Voice on TV: Parental discretion is... http://twolumps.net/d/20080822.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Text above first panel: Two Lumps Theater Presents: SNOOCH VS THE HORN]] / [[Snooch is sitting, looking at a squeeze-bulb horn on the floor]] / [[Snooch, grinning hugely, swats the squeeze-bulb with his right front paw < http://twolumps.net/d/20080825.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben and Snooch are watching television]]
/ Television voice: Acupuncture, the art of embedding tiny needles under the skin, has long been used to promote health.
/ Mom: *cough cough*
/ Snooch: Mom's sick. Maybe--
/ Eben: Shhh. / [[Snooch walks towards the off-panel Mom while the TV continues]]
/ Television... http://twolumps.net/d/20080827.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Two side-by-side panels, each has one cat head drawn anime-style, both cats look ferocious]]
/ Ebenezer: SNOOCH!
/ Snooch: EBEN! / [[Two side by side panels, Ebenezer has transformed into muscle-bound figure wearing ripped red shirt, red armband, studded red wristband, Snooch has transformed into mechanical... http://twolumps.net/d/20080829.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Cats watching TV]]
/ TV: ...And remember to drive carefully this holiday!
/ Eben: Sage advice.
/ Snooch: Yeah, 'specially with the hospitals bein' all full.
/ Eben: Good point! There's grilling accidents, watercraft mishaps...
/ Snooch: Everybody havin' babies all at once...
/ Eben: Of COURSE that's what... http://twolumps.net/d/20080901.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Both cats are sitting, Ebenezer is washing himself]]
/ Snooch: Benny! you excited about November?
/ Ebenezer: Thanksgiving? Not really.
/ Snooch: That's when we get to vote! / [[Ebenezer looks at Snooch]]
/ Ebenezer: Cats don't vote, Snooch.
/ Snooch: LIES! They said on teevee that people like you would... http://twolumps.net/d/20080903.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch grins at a grimacing Ebenezer]]
/ Snooch: So who you votin' for?
/ Ebenezer: ARGH. / Ebenezer: Snooch, cats don't vote in presidential elections.
/ Snooch: But the teevee said--
/ Ebenezer: They were talking about people. Humans. Cats cannot vote, and never will, in human political forums. / Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20080905.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer looks at Snooch, who is laying on a counter]]
/ Eben: What's wrong, Chunky Funky?
/ Snooch: I ate a bunch o' those chalky fruit candies and now I don't feel so good. / [[Also on the counter is a jar with part of a label showing the letters MZ]]
/ Eben: You ate an entire bottle of antacid tablets?!
/ Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20080908.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch: I dreamt I was an emperor... / [[Close-up of Snooch wearing a fur-trimmed gold crown and a fur-trimmed robe, in front of a purple background]] / Snooch: My cloak was stitched of the hides of my enemies. From my great carcass pedestal, I looked down upon rivers of screaming blood and smiled.... http://twolumps.net/d/20080910.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is reading to Ebenezer from a book on the floor]]
/ Snooch: "...and the pharaoh's cats were wrapped in linen strips and buried with him." Euurgh!
/ Ebenezer: It was a great honor. / Snooch: ...I'll pass.
/ Ebenezer: Seriously. Mummification was performed only on respected leaders and nobles. / Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20080912.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer approaches Snooch, whose pink tongue is hanging from his twisted face]]
/ Snooch: Ngh. Rgh. Bleh.
/ Ebenezer: You want to work on those zombie noises some more.
/ Snooch: Hungh?
/ Ebenezer: You ARE practicing for Halloween? / Ebenezer: And not, say, numb from eating those cough drops I told you... http://twolumps.net/d/20080915.html |
| Two Lumps | [[A bowl of food is on the floor between the two cats]]
/ Snooch: TAH-DAAAAAH!
/ Ebenezer: What the... where did you get sushi??? / [[Ebenezer starts to eat]]
/ Snooch: Swiped 'em when Mom wasn't looking!
/ Ebenezer: Great work! I wasn't aware she'd even gone to the store today! < http://twolumps.net/d/20080917.html |
| Two Lumps | [[A ham steak, possibly mashed potatoes, and a sprig of garnish sits on a plate on a table.]] / [[Snooch's head appears behind the table. He's wearing a samurai headband around his eyes with the kanji/hanzi for "starve" on it.]]
/ Snooch: So we meet again, grilled ham steak. / [[Snooch has disappeared,... http://twolumps.net/d/20080919.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is lying on the couch. Snooch is on the floor, fluffed out and bug-eyed.]]
/ Ebenezer: What in Fouled Furlongs is that unholy racket?
/ Snooch: Mom an' her friends are drunk an' screamin' and gettin' ready to whack us with sticks!!!
/ Ebenezer: What? / Ebenezer: Ah, right. I read about this.... http://twolumps.net/d/20080922.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch are either side of an empty plate looking at each other. Snooch looks pleased with himself. Ebenezer is looking down.]]
/ Ebenezer: Wow. Mom turns her back her back on the last pop-tarts in the house, and you devour them. That was her breakfast.
/ Snooch: Yep! / [[Snooch is now... http://twolumps.net/d/20080924.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch and Ebenezer are sitting in front of the couch]]
/ Snooch: So if that's West... Benny, can you open the North window? I need ta move this chair to the Southern wall.
/ Ebenezer: When did you learn Feng Shui? / Snooch: Is that some kinda mushroom?
/ Ebenezer: No... so why are you moving-- / [[Ebenezer... http://twolumps.net/d/20080926.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is watching TV]]
/ TV: ...war in Afghanistan, blah blah, bailout agreement reached, yadda yadda, melting ice caps, yankety spankety, honkety honk, $25 billion welfare bill for auto makers... / [[Snooch joins him]]
/ TV: < http://twolumps.net/d/20080929.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben and Snooch sitting in front of the TV set]]
/ Snooch: Man, if the ekno...econon...if things keep going this way---
/ Eben: Good thing I pulled out of the market over a year ago.
/ Snooch: You did? / [[Eben and Snooch in front of a closet with cans of gooshyfood on the floor. Eben grooms himself]]
/ Eben:... http://twolumps.net/d/20081001.html |
| Two Lumps | Header: WHEN CATS GET POLITICAL
/ [[Ebenezer sitting]]
/ Ebenezer: So McCain and Palin say they've been the victims of "Gotcha Journalism" when the media directly quotes them in an interview or public speech. / Ebenezer: That's not "Gotcha Journalism". That's called "Reporting What You Said." Of course,... http://twolumps.net/d/20081003.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Mom is walking past couch; Ebenezer is lying on couch; Snooch is looking wide-eyed at Mom]]
/ Mom: Okay, now where's my passport...
/ Snooch: What's up?
/ Ebenezer: Mom's apparently going to the Caribbean. / [[Snooch has a huge grin on his face]]
/ Snooch: SAH-WEET!
/ Ebenezer: You're not angry at being... http://twolumps.net/d/20081006.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch and Ebenezer both look angry; a bowl of food is on the floor]]
/ Snooch: I don't wanna stay with gramma!
/ Ebenezer: I've got a plan. Chow down, we'll need our strength. / [[Ebenezer starts eating]]
/ Snooch: Sweet! What do we do?
/ Ebenezer: First, wait until she's packed. Then we purple monkey... http://twolumps.net/d/20081008.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch and Ebenezer are hiding behind the couch]]
/ Mom off panel: Boys! Where are you?
/ Snooch: We gotta hide! Squeeze for your life!
/ Ebenezer: Alas, toothpaste! / [[Both cats look into a twisty tunnel that has appeared in the wall]]
/ Snooch: Anoher hole! I don't 'member THAT bein' back here! Where's... http://twolumps.net/d/20081010.html |
| Two Lumps | [[White Rabbit in orange vest is running towards Snooch, who is grinning, and Ebenezer, who is dazed]]
/ Snooch: Man, where are we?
/ White Rabbit: I'm late! I"M LATE!
/ Snooch: 'Scuse me, can you-- / [[Rabbit, red eyed and teeth showing in a grimace, grabs Snooch in both hands]]
/ Rabbit: If you make... http://twolumps.net/d/20081013.html |
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