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| Two Lumps | [[You see Mom's legs, standing in front of some cabinets. Snooch stares up at her.]]
/ Mom: Snooch, you weigh more than a small dog. The vet told me to give you the diet cat food, and I'm sticking with his recommendation. / Mom: Begging is not going to make me share my god damned cream cheese with... http://twolumps.net/d/20040517.html |
| Two Lumps | [[You see Mom's legs, standing in front of some cabinets. Snooch stares up at her.]]
/ Mom: Snooch, you weigh more than a small dog. The vet told me to give you the diet cat food, and I'm sticking with his recommendation. / Mom: Begging is not going to make me share my god damned cream cheese with... http://twolumps.net/d/20040517.html |
| Two Lumps | [[A close up of Ebenezer sitting in his Kit-e-Pan cat litter box with a disgruntled look on his face]] / [[A close up as Ebenezer continues to sit in his Kit-e-Pan cat litter box with a disgruntled look on his face. He reaches out of the litter box and starts to wipe and scratch his paw.]]
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20040519.html |
| Two Lumps | [[A close up of Ebenezer sitting in his Kit-e-Pan cat litter box with a disgruntled look on his face]] / [[A close up as Ebenezer continues to sit in his Kit-e-Pan cat litter box with a disgruntled look on his face. He reaches out of the litter box and starts to wipe and scratch his paw.]]
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20040519.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Two Lumps}} / [[Ebenezer sits and reflects on important theories and ideas]] / < http://twolumps.net/d/20040521.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Title: "Sung to the tune of Superman's theme"}}
/ [[Snooch is sitting in the corner, his back to the audience, licking himself.]]
/ Snooch: BUTT. Licking my Butt, Butt butt butt... / [[Pull back to see Ebenezer, with his tail twitching wildly, glaring at Snooch as he sings and continues to lick himself]]
/ Ebenezer:... http://twolumps.net/d/20040524.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Title: "Sung to the tune of Superman's theme"}}
/ [[Snooch is sitting in the corner, his back to the audience, licking himself.]]
/ Snooch: BUTT. Licking my Butt, Butt butt butt... / [[Pull back to see Ebenezer, with his tail twitching wildly, glaring at Snooch as he sings and continues to lick himself]]
/ Ebenezer:... http://twolumps.net/d/20040524.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch lying stretched out on the carpet with a goofy grin. His eyes are different sizes.]]
/ Snooch: WEEDA WEEDA WOO! Hee hee hee hee hee... I AM TEH CAPTAIN OF THE CARPET SHIP! / [[Ebenezer glares at Snooch.]]
/ Ebenezer: Ah, been at the catnip again I see, you slovenly, disgusting layabout.
/ Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20040526.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch lying stretched out on the carpet with a goofy grin. His eyes are different sizes.]]
/ Snooch: WEEDA WEEDA WOO! Hee hee hee hee hee... I AM TEH CAPTAIN OF THE CARPET SHIP! / [[Ebenezer glares at Snooch.]]
/ Ebenezer: Ah, been at the catnip again I see, you slovenly, disgusting layabout.
/ Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20040526.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch are sitting in a room.]]
/ Dogs [[Off screen]]: WOOF WOOF WOOF
/ Snooch [[His eyes huge]]: WTF? / Dogs [[Offscreen]]: WOOF WOOF WOOF
/ Ebenezer: Dogs! The new neighbors have DOGS!
/ Snooch [[Looking puzzled]]: What are those? / [[Ebenezer and Snooch run from the room, Ebenezer looking... http://twolumps.net/d/20040528.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch are sitting in a room.]]
/ Dogs [[Off screen]]: WOOF WOOF WOOF
/ Snooch [[His eyes huge]]: WTF? / Dogs [[Offscreen]]: WOOF WOOF WOOF
/ Ebenezer: Dogs! The new neighbors have DOGS!
/ Snooch [[Looking puzzled]]: What are those? / [[Ebenezer and Snooch run from the room, Ebenezer looking... http://twolumps.net/d/20040528.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch peer down from a window ledge. Eben's ears are pinned back and he looks angry. Snooch's eyes are huge and he looks curious.
/ Dogs [Offscreen]: YAP WARF BARK BARK / [[Bird's eye view of the sidewalk, occupied by a snarling Pug and Chihuahua.]]
/ Chihuahua: RRRRRRRRRRR
/ Pug: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR / [[Ebenezer... http://twolumps.net/d/20040531.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch peer down from a window ledge. Eben's ears are pinned back and he looks angry. Snooch's eyes are huge and he looks curious.
/ Dogs [Offscreen]: YAP WARF BARK BARK / [[Bird's eye view of the sidewalk, occupied by a snarling Pug and Chihuahua.]]
/ Chihuahua: RRRRRRRRRRR
/ Pug: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR / [[Ebenezer... http://twolumps.net/d/20040531.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Superscript: WHY WE NEVER HEAR ABOUT THE CATS OF WAR}} / [[On a battleground, both cats dressed as soldiers. They are both wearing WWII helmets. Snooch is wearing a machine gun bullet bandolier.]]
/ Ebenezer: Snooch, we have come far with the secret documents we stole from the enemy. These plans... http://twolumps.net/d/20040602.html |
| Two Lumps | {{Superscript: WHY WE NEVER HEAR ABOUT THE CATS OF WAR}} / [[On a battleground, both cats dressed as soldiers. They are both wearing WWII helmets. Snooch is wearing a machine gun bullet bandolier.]]
/ Ebenezer: Snooch, we have come far with the secret documents we stole from the enemy. These plans... http://twolumps.net/d/20040602.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch sit in front of the couch. Ebenezer's ears are pinned back and he looks angry.
/ Snooch: Hey, Eben! What's Mom doin' in that closet?
/ Ebenezer: Aside from trying to wake the dead, I haven't the foggiest.
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20040604.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch sit in front of the couch. Ebenezer's ears are pinned back and he looks angry.
/ Snooch: Hey, Eben! What's Mom doin' in that closet?
/ Ebenezer: Aside from trying to wake the dead, I haven't the foggiest.
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20040604.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch are in the cat carrier]]
/ Snooch: We get to ride in the zoomy box! YAY!
/ Ebenezer: Well, here we are, unjustly imprisoned by fate. / [[A view from outside the car they are riding in]]
/ Ebenezer: Whiling away our hours in a tiny Big House.
/ Snooch: WEEEE! We're goin' all swoopy...... http://twolumps.net/d/20040607.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch are in the cat carrier]]
/ Snooch: We get to ride in the zoomy box! YAY!
/ Ebenezer: Well, here we are, unjustly imprisoned by fate. / [[A view from outside the car they are riding in]]
/ Ebenezer: Whiling away our hours in a tiny Big House.
/ Snooch: WEEEE! We're goin' all swoopy...... http://twolumps.net/d/20040607.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch are inside the cat carrier. They are covered in vomit, and Ebenezer is glaring at Snooch.]]
/ Snooch: Ugh... hey, we stopped moving.
/ Ebenezer: Thank the powers that be. / Ebenezer: What's that bizarre odor? Smells like... dogs?
/ Snooch: Teh big mouses?
/ Ebenezer: Don't even start... http://twolumps.net/d/20040609.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch are inside the cat carrier. They are covered in vomit, and Ebenezer is glaring at Snooch.]]
/ Snooch: Ugh... hey, we stopped moving.
/ Ebenezer: Thank the powers that be. / Ebenezer: What's that bizarre odor? Smells like... dogs?
/ Snooch: Teh big mouses?
/ Ebenezer: Don't even start... http://twolumps.net/d/20040609.html |
| Two Lumps | [[A hand opens the cat carrier. Ebenezer and Snooch are unseen inside the carrier.]]
/ Ebenezer: EGADS! Who the deuce are THESE people?
/ Vet: Hey there, Snooch!
/ Vet: My, you're getting big, aren't you?
/ Snooch: Ooooo, maybe he'll give me dog-mouses! / [[Ebenezer sits in the open carrier while the... http://twolumps.net/d/20040611.html |
| Two Lumps | [[A hand opens the cat carrier. Ebenezer and Snooch are unseen inside the carrier.]]
/ Ebenezer: EGADS! Who the deuce are THESE people?
/ Vet: Hey there, Snooch!
/ Vet: My, you're getting big, aren't you?
/ Snooch: Ooooo, maybe he'll give me dog-mouses! / [[Ebenezer sits in the open carrier while the... http://twolumps.net/d/20040611.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is inside the crate, his eyes are huge and his hair is fluffed out.]]
/ Vet: Okay, now we just need a blood sample...
/ Snooch: AAAAAAAAUGH!
/ Ebenezer: Next they'll attempt to dissect him for study! WE HAVE TO ESCAPE!
/ Snooch: RARRRR!
/ Vet: And these are your shots... OW! Nurse, can you hold... http://twolumps.net/d/20040614.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is inside the crate, his eyes are huge and his hair is fluffed out.]]
/ Vet: Okay, now we just need a blood sample...
/ Snooch: AAAAAAAAUGH!
/ Ebenezer: Next they'll attempt to dissect him for study! WE HAVE TO ESCAPE!
/ Snooch: RARRRR!
/ Vet: And these are your shots... OW! Nurse, can you hold... http://twolumps.net/d/20040614.html |
| Two Lumps | [The vet holds Ebenzer, who is draped limply over his hand.]]
/ Vet: Nurse, it appears that Ebenezer is playing dead again.
/ Ebenezer: "Again"? Fool! I've never been here before! ... Or have I? / Vet: I'll just leave him here. Seems he and his brother have put on weight again.
/ [[The vet drops Ebenzeer... http://twolumps.net/d/20040616.html |
| Two Lumps | [The vet holds Ebenzer, who is draped limply over his hand.]]
/ Vet: Nurse, it appears that Ebenezer is playing dead again.
/ Ebenezer: "Again"? Fool! I've never been here before! ... Or have I? / Vet: I'll just leave him here. Seems he and his brother have put on weight again.
/ [[The vet drops Ebenzeer... http://twolumps.net/d/20040616.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch are together inside the cat carrier. Ebenezer glares out the door, his tail lashing. Snooch is obviously distressed, his hair is mussed, and his pupils are dilated.]]
/ Ebenezer: Well, that was humiliating, but at least we're alive, eh, Snooch?
/ Snooch: Fah... pokey things... in... http://twolumps.net/d/20040618.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch are together inside the cat carrier. Ebenezer glares out the door, his tail lashing. Snooch is obviously distressed, his hair is mussed, and his pupils are dilated.]]
/ Ebenezer: Well, that was humiliating, but at least we're alive, eh, Snooch?
/ Snooch: Fah... pokey things... in... http://twolumps.net/d/20040618.html |
| Two Lumps | Ebenezer: [[Facing the panel with the news and links, and swishing his tail]] Click the damned links on the side of the page, mortal fools. http://twolumps.net/d/20040620.html |
| Two Lumps | Ebenezer: [[Facing the panel with the news and links, and swishing his tail]] Click the damned links on the side of the page, mortal fools. http://twolumps.net/d/20040620.html |
| Two Lumps | [[The office cat runs away from the carrier. The carrier rocks madly as Snooch begins to fight furiously to get out.]]
/ Snooch: VENGEANCE FOR THE BUTT!
/ Cat: HOLY CRAP! / [[Inside the carrier ... Ebenezer still looks concerned and stares at Snooch. Snooch is still freaked out, and foaming at the... http://twolumps.net/d/20040621.html |
| Two Lumps | [[The office cat runs away from the carrier. The carrier rocks madly as Snooch begins to fight furiously to get out.]]
/ Snooch: VENGEANCE FOR THE BUTT!
/ Cat: HOLY CRAP! / [[Inside the carrier ... Ebenezer still looks concerned and stares at Snooch. Snooch is still freaked out, and foaming at the... http://twolumps.net/d/20040621.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Outside the madly rocking carrier, Mom reaches for the cage door.]]
/ Mom: What the HELL?
/ Snooch: DIE! DIE!
/ Ebenezer: ACK!
/ Snooch: DIE! DIE!
/ Ebenezer: OW! MERCY!
/ Snooch: DIE! DIE!
/ Ebenezer HELP! / [[The office cat has come back and is sitting outside the carrier as Mom opens the door to look... http://twolumps.net/d/20040623.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Outside the madly rocking carrier, Mom reaches for the cage door.]]
/ Mom: What the HELL?
/ Snooch: DIE! DIE!
/ Ebenezer: ACK!
/ Snooch: DIE! DIE!
/ Ebenezer: OW! MERCY!
/ Snooch: DIE! DIE!
/ Ebenezer HELP! / [[The office cat has come back and is sitting outside the carrier as Mom opens the door to look... http://twolumps.net/d/20040623.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Outside view of a disposable cardboard cat carrier.]]
/ Snooch: The enemy overwhelms me... I am placed in a cell with only tiny holes for air...
/ Snooch: And the enemy has placed a SNAKE in here to attack THE BUTT! / [[Outside view of a madly vibrating disposable cardboard cat carrier.]]
/ Snooch: DIE,... http://twolumps.net/d/20040625.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Outside view of a disposable cardboard cat carrier.]]
/ Snooch: The enemy overwhelms me... I am placed in a cell with only tiny holes for air...
/ Snooch: And the enemy has placed a SNAKE in here to attack THE BUTT! / [[Outside view of a madly vibrating disposable cardboard cat carrier.]]
/ Snooch: DIE,... http://twolumps.net/d/20040625.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer, covered in bandages, is sulking outside a disposable cardboard cat carrier. Snooch is out of sight inside the carrier.]]
/ Ebenezer: Well, that was a hideous experience. Handed over to aliens and beaten halfway to death by my own sibling. While I was in a meditative trance, no less.
/ Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20040628.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer, covered in bandages, is sulking outside a disposable cardboard cat carrier. Snooch is out of sight inside the carrier.]]
/ Ebenezer: Well, that was a hideous experience. Handed over to aliens and beaten halfway to death by my own sibling. While I was in a meditative trance, no less.
/ Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20040628.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is wearing dark sunglasses and a black tie. He is smoking a cigarette.]]
/ Ebenezer: WELL, I WOKE UP THIS MAWNIN',
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20040630.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is wearing dark sunglasses and a black tie. He is smoking a cigarette.]]
/ Ebenezer: WELL, I WOKE UP THIS MAWNIN',
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20040630.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer sitting on Mom's lap while she is working on the computer.]]
/ Ebenezer: The lap... the human altar of feline worship, it is being desecrated by this infernal Internet Surf Thing Machine.
/ Keyboard: < http://twolumps.net/d/20040702.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer lies stretched out in a sunbeam. He is alone.]]
/ Ebenezer: Ah, a refreshing mid-day slumber. Now I can get back to plans of world domination and shredding upholstery. / [[Ebenezer stretches. In the background Snooch is watching.]]
/ Ebenezer: Of course, policy dictates that every nap must... http://twolumps.net/d/20040705.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer lies stretched out in a sunbeam. He is alone.]]
/ Ebenezer: Ah, a refreshing mid-day slumber. Now I can get back to plans of world domination and shredding upholstery. / [[Ebenezer stretches. In the background Snooch is watching.]]
/ Ebenezer: Of course, policy dictates that every nap must... http://twolumps.net/d/20040705.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Mom places a plate of gooshy food on the floor in front of Ebenezer.]]
/ Mom: Here you go, Eben! A nice bowl of Gooshy Food!
/ Ebenezer: Zounds! / [[Ebenezer looks in front of him.]] / [[Ebenezer looks behind him.]] / [[Ebenezer dances madly in the plate of gooshy food, splattering it all over.]]
/ Ebenezer:... http://twolumps.net/d/20040707.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Mom places a plate of gooshy food on the floor in front of Ebenezer.]]
/ Mom: Here you go, Eben! A nice bowl of Gooshy Food!
/ Ebenezer: Zounds! / [[Ebenezer looks in front of him.]] / [[Ebenezer looks behind him.]] / [[Ebenezer dances madly in the plate of gooshy food, splattering it all over.]]
/ Ebenezer:... http://twolumps.net/d/20040707.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Mom is walking, carrying a large plate of fettuccine. Snooch trips her and Mom starts to fall.]]
/ Mom: Dum de dum de dAAAAAAAGH!
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20040709.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Mom is walking, carrying a large plate of fettuccine. Snooch trips her and Mom starts to fall.]]
/ Mom: Dum de dum de dAAAAAAAGH!
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20040709.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer sits alone, pondering.]]
/ Ebenezer: Immanuel Kant once said: "Science is organized knowledge, Wisdom is organized Life."
/ Ebenezer: Sophocles stated: "Wisdom is the supreme part of happiness." / [[An outline of Ebenezer, still pondering.]]
/ Ebenezer: But I believe it was Snooch who stated,... http://twolumps.net/d/20040712.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer sits alone, pondering.]]
/ Ebenezer: Immanuel Kant once said: "Science is organized knowledge, Wisdom is organized Life."
/ Ebenezer: Sophocles stated: "Wisdom is the supreme part of happiness." / [[An outline of Ebenezer, still pondering.]]
/ Ebenezer: But I believe it was Snooch who stated,... http://twolumps.net/d/20040712.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is sitting in front of the TV, looking scared. Ebenezer is glaring at Snooch.]]
/ Ebenezer: What's the problem now, nimrod?
/ Snooch: THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT SHREDDIN' CATS AND PUTTING 'EM IN A BOX!!! / [[Snooch same as before. Ebenezer looking interestedly at TV.]]
/ TV: The theory of Schroedinger's... http://twolumps.net/d/20040714.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is sitting on a table, knocking over a glass.]]
/ Snooch: Ooooo, mom left me a glass of milk!
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20040716.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is pondering the formula for finding the area of a
/ "Sector of a Circle = Length of arc x 1/2 radius = L x r/2". Snooch is behind him wearing a baseball hat that completely engulfs his head.]]
/ Snooch: Hey, Eben, I got a joke for you! / [[Ebenezer looks back at Snooch]]
/ Ebenezer: No, I... http://twolumps.net/d/20040719.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch lies limp on the floor with his tongue sticking out.]]
/ Snooch: Benny, it's too hot to move today.
/ Ebenezer: As opposed to your normal athletic lifestyle?
/ Snooch: Ugh. / [[Ebenezer sits beside Snooch, as Snooch perks up.]]
/ Ebenezer: Of course, I feel fine. There's one place in the house... http://twolumps.net/d/20040721.html |
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