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Two Lumps [[Ebenezer walking down a cubicle aisle]] / Ebenezer: Snooch? Where'd you run off to? Blast, I hope he hasn't gotten himself stuck in an air duct or anything. / Ebenezer: ...Again. / [[Ebenezer running to the end of a cubicle aisle]] / Snooch (offscreen): WAAAIIIEEEEEEAAHHH! / Ebenezer: Great Scott! Snooch! I'm coming, hang on! / [[Break room. Coffee machine visible on a counter, the carafe empty. Snooch clinging to ceiling, upside down, eyes the size of ping-pong balls with visible veins, all hair standing on end]] / Ebenezer: So. You found the office break room. / Snooch: AIIIEEERGH! / Ebenezer: Did you drink the ENTIRE CARAFE of that coffee? / Snooch: GAHOOGY HOO!!! / Ebenezer: This should be fun.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050214.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer walking down a cubicle aisle]] / Ebenezer: Snooch? Where'd you run off to? Blast, I hope he hasn't gotten himself stuck in an air duct or anything. / Ebenezer: ...Again. / [[Ebenezer running to the end of a cubicle aisle]] / Snooch (offscreen): WAAAIIIEEEEEEAAHHH! / Ebenezer: Great Scott! Snooch! I'm coming, hang on! / [[Break room. Coffee machine visible on a counter, the carafe empty. Snooch clinging to ceiling, upside down, eyes the size of ping-pong balls with visible veins, all hair standing on end]] / Ebenezer: So. You found the office break room. / Snooch: AIIIEEERGH! / Ebenezer: Did you drink the ENTIRE CARAFE of that coffee? / Snooch: GAHOOGY HOO!!! / Ebenezer: This should be fun.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050214.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer sitting next to a desk. Snooch's tail is visible hanging down from the desk.]] / Snooch: A bird! Gettit gettit gettit! / Ebenezer: It's sitting on an open desk, you doofus. Somehow I doubt it's a live avian, just leave it... / [[Ebenezer sitting next to a desk. Snooch's tail is visible hanging down from the desk.]] / <> / Ebenezer: ...alone. You pig. / Snooch: Ew. I think that was just a statue of a bird. / Ebenezer: I'm guessing a desk magnet. / [[Snooch sitting on a desk next to a computer, with paper clips and a stapler sticking to him]] / Snooch: What's a desk magnet? / Ebenezer: Just trust me on this one. And don't get near any paper clips.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050216.html
Two Lumps {{Background--Ebenezer and Snooch have accidentally been taken to Mom's workplace and have been exploring it}} / [[Ebenezer and Snooch are peering through a doorway]] / Ebenezer: Okay, we've found Mom's cube again. Now we just have to keep low until she comes back. / Snooch: But we're on the floor! We can't go lower! / Ebenezer: It means we have to be stealthy, furbrain. / [[Snooch walks away]] / Snooch: Um, what's that mean? / Ebenezer: Look, just go hide behind something! / Snooch: Ooooh, okay! / Ebenezer: And for the love of Bast, don't get stuck in anything this time! / [[Snooch returns and has a sticky note stuck to his forehead]] / Snooch: All done makin' with the stealthy, yo! / Ebenezer: THAT'S what you call hiding? / Snooch: Yup! Can't see a thing! / Ebenezer: Blank Post-it note, empty head.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050218.html
Two Lumps [[Eben is outside of Mom's cubicle at work, Snooch is off panel inside the cubicle]] / Snooch: RAR!!! AAAAH! THE ALLIGATOR IS AFTER ME! RARRRR!!!! AAAAH! / Ebenezer: For the last time, Snooch, THAT IS NOT AN ALLIGATOR! Now be quiet! / [[Snooch's paw pushes a staple remover out of the cubicle towards Eben's tail]] / Snooch: Rar!
http://twolumps.net/d/20050221.html
Two Lumps {{Background--Ebenezer and Snooch have been accidentally taken to Moms office}} / [[Ebenezer is sitting in a doorway, Snooch is off panel]] / Snooch: Hey Eben! This chair's all spinny! / Ebenezer: For Bast's sake, just leave it alone! We only have to stay hidden for a few more minutes until Mom gets back, so just-- / Snooch: WhheeeeEEEeeeeEEEeeeEEEE!! / <<*BONK CRASH TINKLE THUD*>> / Ebenezer: THAT. IS. IT. / [[Mom enters room to discover Snooch wrapped up like a mummy in scotch tape and Ebenezer angrily lashing his tail]] / Mom: What in the... BOYS?! / Snooch: Uh... hi Mom! / Ebenezer: About time. I was about to resort to using your desk drawer as a litterbox.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050223.html
 
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer sitting in front of the couch, tail twitching in annoyance as Mom sets Snooch down]] / Mom: Whew. I don't know how you guys got to the office with me... / Snooch: Yay! Home at last! / Ebenezer: For once I agree. That was an adventure I'm loath to repeat. / [[Snooch looks happily upwards, remembering the time spent at Mom's office]] / Snooch: Aww, but I'm gonna miss all the toys there. / Ebenezer: Oh, I know I'll be getting at least one last laugh out of that bird-shaped desk magnet. / Snooch: What's that mean? / [[The closed litterbox, where said magnet is no doubt making a very painful reappearance]] / Snooch: AAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!!!!!
http://twolumps.net/d/20050225.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer watching television, Snooch sitting with his eyes bugged out]] / Snooch: WHAT'S WRONG WHAT'S WRONG WHAT'S WRONG?!? / Ebenezer: What the deuce are you babbling about? / Snooch: All the howling! Are we on fire? / [[Ebenezer in front of the television with his fur ruffled]] / Ebenezer: It's OPERA, you mongoloid. This woman is a highly-trained soprano. / Snooch: Sounds like someone dropped a brick on her tail. / Ebenezer: She's world famous and very well-paid for her work. Just go away and let me listen. / [[Ebenezer watching television. Snooch behind him holding a brick over Ebenezer's tail.]] / Snooch: So... she's rich 'cuz she can sound like that? / Ebenezer: *sigh* YES, you uncultured beast. / Snooch: We're gonna be RICH! / Ebenezer: ...what?
http://twolumps.net/d/20050228.html
Two Lumps 1st panel: / [[Ebenezer sitting on the kitchen floor]] / Snooch<>: Is the vacuum gone now? / Ebenezer: Yes, looks like Mom's finally done with all the spring cleaning. She even left us some gooshy food. / Snooch: OHBOYOHBOYOHBOY!!! / 2nd panel: / Ebenezer: Watch it, she also... / Snooch[[skidding across the kitchen floor]]: WAAAHAAAHAAAGH! / 3rd panel: / Ebenezer: ...waxed the kitchen floor. / Snooch: Owie. I am one with the food dish. / Ebenezer: Good thing the tile's clean enough to eat off of.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050302.html
Two Lumps {{All of Snooch's dialogue is in superscript captions}} / [[Extreme close-up of Snooch, whose grin appears to stretch off his face]] / Snooch: I LIKE PIE!!! / [[Edited photo of the Moon, with Snooch apparently floating across/clawing his way up it]] / Snooch: I LIKE PIE!!! / [[Photo of the Sphinx, with Snooch running left in front of it]] / Snooch: I LIKE PIE!!! / [[In the real world, Mom watches Snooch sleep]] / Mom: I wonder what cats dream about.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050304.html
Two Lumps {{All of Snooch's dialogue is in superscript captions}} / [[Extreme close-up of Snooch, whose grin appears to stretch off his face]] / Snooch: I LIKE PIE!!! / [[Edited photo of the Moon, with Snooch apparently floating across/clawing his way up it]] / Snooch: I LIKE PIE!!! / [[Photo of the Sphinx, with Snooch running left in front of it]] / Snooch: I LIKE PIE!!! / [[In the real world, Mom watches Snooch sleep]] / Mom: I wonder what cats dream about.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050304.html
Two Lumps [[Eben looks agitated]] / Eben: SNOOCH! Front and center! / [[Snooch enters, oblivious]] / Snooch: Word! / Eben: I told you to fetch me a grande mocha latte with whipped cream and nutmeg. Do you recall? / Snooch: Oh! Yeah.. that thingy... / Eben: But this is not a grande mocha latte with whipped cream and nutmeg, is it? / Snooch: Um. No. / Eben: As I suspected. Can you tell me what this IS? / [[Eben agitated, with dead rodent lying next to him]] / Snooch: A dead baby possum? / Eben: A dead baby possum. Ah ha. So I see. You're fired, Snooch. / Snooch: HOORAY!
http://twolumps.net/d/20050307.html
 
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer sitting by himself, looking annoyed.]] / In background: <> / [[Eben stomps off-panel.]] / [[Eben entering a room where Snooch is sitting with a 2-liter soda bottle stuffled in his mouth.]] / Ebenezer: Stop that this instant.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050309.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer and Snooch are sitting, Snooch is wide-eyed and looks shocked]] / Snooch: Uh, Benny? I found a roach. / Ebenezer: Ugh. Welll, given the torrential rain we've been having, I'm not surprised one headed indoors. Did you kill it yet? / Snooch: Ummm, no... / Ebenezer: *sigh* That IS our job, as protectors of the home, you know. Why don't-- / [[Close-up of huge aggressive roach walking past, both cats stunned in the background]] / Ebenezer: Uh. Hello! / Roach: YO. / Snooch: Maybe we could just be nice to it? / Ebenezer: IT'S EATING THE GOOSHYFOOD! / Snooch: Yep.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050311.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer and Snooch are still stunned after seeing huge roach in previous strip]] / Ebenezer: We've got to think of something before Mom sees the... / Mom off panel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! OMIGOD PHONE PHONE EXTERMINATOR NOW NOW NOW! / Ebenezer: ...roach. / [[Both cats and Mom are standing on a chair]] / Ebenezer: All right, I have a plan. Jump down on top of it and crush it with your bulk. / Snooch: Benny, I'd be ridin' it like a pony. / Ebenezer: Good point. This may be a problem even your flab can't handle. We may be doomed. / <> / [[J. from FLEM Comics, smoking a cigarette and carrying a gunblade on his shoulder stands in the doorway]] / Person: Someone called for a Texas Roach Removal? / Ebenezer: What do you know. Cavalry. / Snooch: YAAAAY!
http://twolumps.net/d/20050314.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer and Snooch are in front of television]] / Mom off panel: Holy... what is that SMELL? Guys, tell me you didn't leave a hairball under the couch again. / Ebenezer: Don't look at me. I thought it was the neighbors trying to cook again. / Snooch: I kinda LIKE IT! / [[Mom kneels in front of fireplace]] / Mom: Oh, YUCK! There's a dead bird in the fireplace! I wonder how long that's been there? / Snooch: One year exactly, as of today! / Ebenezer, covering eyes: What do you... Oh, NO. / Snooch, flapping front legs: I SAID there was a bird doin' like this, but did anyone listen? / Ebenezer: You also said it was at the window. / Snooch: That's not a window? / Ebenezer: Time to eat a chunk of your skull, Snooch. / / {{This is the one-year anniversary strip and is a direct parody of the first strip.}}
http://twolumps.net/d/20050316.html
Two Lumps [[Ebeneezer, doing complex mathematical formulas in his head]] / [[Enter Snooch, wearing a top hat as Ebeneezer glares at him]] / Snooch: Vrei sa pleci dar nu, nu ma iei / Nu ma, nu ma iei, nu ma, nu ma, nu ma iei / Ebeneezer: Go away. / [[Ebeneezer starts thinking the next part of the song as a mathematical formula]] / Ebeneezer: [[thinking]] M+(a+ia+hii) / M+(a+ia+huu) / Ma-(ia-hoo) / Ma-(ia-ha)ha / [[Ebeneezer winces, angry that Snooch has gotten to him]]
http://twolumps.net/d/20050318.html
 
Two Lumps [[Mom is holding a box marked uRobot.]] / Mom: Hey, guys! Guess what I got! / Snooch: That's a LOT of gooshyfood! / Ebenezer: I doubt it. / [[Mom holds out the uRobot, which looks just like a Roomba.]] / Mom: It's an automatic vacuum cleaner! It'll work while I do laundry, clean your catbox... / Snooch: I dunno about this... / Ebenezer: Good call. / Mom: Let's see how it works. / Ebenezer: If anyone needs me, I'll be under the sofa for the next five years. / Snooch: OMGWTFBBQ! / <> <>
http://twolumps.net/d/20050321.html
Two Lumps Snooch: Run for it, Benny! / Roomba: COMMENCE UNDER-FURNITURE SUBROUTINE / Ebenezer: DAMN IT! / Roomba: DANDER SOURCE TARGETED / Snooch: I think it's followin' your hair... / Ebenezer: GET OFF ME, YOU BEAST OF THE PIT! / Roomba: EXTERMINATE / Snooch: So maybe if we just stop shedding.... / Ebenezer: Awesome strategy! THANKS, MACARTHUR! / Roomba: KLAATU BARADA NIKTO
http://twolumps.net/d/20050323.html
Two Lumps Snooch: Man... what are we gonna do? / Ebenezer: I think I see a power button on top of it... BANZAI! / Roomba: TARGET LOST. REACQUIRING. / Roomba: ERROR! ERROR 502! / Ebenezer: Whoa! Wow! / Snooch: GET 'EM, EBEN! / Roomba: IM SORRY I CANT DO THAT DAVE / Ebenezer: There's a whole control panel in here! / Snooch: QUICK! Turn it off! / Ebenezer: A mobile throne. I could get used to this! / Roomba: TARGETING KITCHEN AREA MY MASTER / Ebenezer: HE WHO CONTROLS THE GOOSHY FOOD... CONTROLS THE UNIVERSE!
http://twolumps.net/d/20050325.html
Two Lumps Roomba: SUSTENANCE OBJECTIVE COMPLETED, O MASTER. / Ebenezer: Excellent. You may go recharge yourself while I dine, steed. / Roomba: THANK YOU, EXCELLENCY. / Ebenezer: This is perfect. After dinner, I'll be able to launch Phase Two: the first step toward our eventual feline domination of the world. / Snooch: YAYYYY! MY TURN!!! / Roomba: ERROR: INCOMING PLANETOID DETECTED... / Roomba: DAAAAAIIISSYYYYY... DAAAAAIIISSYYYYY... GIIIIIIIIIIVE ME YOUR ANNNNNNNNSZZZT / Snooch: Oops. / Ebenezer: ...or I could once again see my dreams crushed by a 20-pound cat butt.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050328.html
Two Lumps 20050330 Ebenezer: Many scientists argue about the concept of the tachyon, a particle with an unmeasurable mass that can move faster than light. / Ebeneezer: The great ymytery of the tachyon principle is that the more energy a tachyon expends, the faster it accelerates. / Mom: What the... who got into the leftover Easter candy?! / Ebenezer: Don't look at me. But you might want to call Stephen Hawking about Kwantum Kat over there... / Snooch: SHNEEBAHEEEEEEE!!!!
http://twolumps.net/d/20050330.html
 
Two Lumps {{The entire comic has been flipped upside down}} / [[Snooch runs up to Ebeneezer, who is sitting in front of the couch]] / Snooch: MAY DAY! MAY DAY! / Ebeneezer: What is it? Are we under attack? / [[Snooch sits next to Ebeneezer, looking pleased with himself]] / Snooch: No, that's what you're supposed to say today! / Ebeneezer: That's May First, you fatbag. Today's April First. / [[Ebeneezer looks into the camera, annoyed]] / Ebeneezer: I don't suppose you messed with the computer today? / Snooch: Um. Maybe. Why? / Ebeneezer: Call it a feeling in my inner ear.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050401.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer and Snooch ar looking up at a plate of food on a table]] / Snooch: Oooooooooooooooooooo! / Ebenezer: Snooch, you know better than that. That's mom's food. / [[Snooch is now sitting on the table looming over the plate]] / Snooch: But they're right here! And unguarded! And gooshy! I can't resist! / Ebenezer: And you don't want to try those. I mean it. / [[Snooch has fire flaming out of his mouth]] / Ebenezer: Snooch's Life Lesson for Today: Jalapeno Poppers.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050404.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is inside a covered litter tray]] / Ebenezer: What the... Snooch, go get Mom! Quick! / Snooch: What up, homie? / Ebenezer: I was feeling ill earlier and ate some grass. It's a time-honored cat medication technique. / Snooch: But we live in an apartment. No grass here! / Ebenezer: Well, what I found turned out to be plastic "Easter Grass". Unfortunately not at all digestible. Now please go and-- / Snooch: WOW!!! You gots POOP ON A ROPE! THAT'S SO COOL! / Ebenezer: WOULD YOU JUST GO GET MOM???
http://twolumps.net/d/20050406.html
Two Lumps [[Eben and Snooch look up at Mom]] / [[Eben and Snooch look up at Mom]] / Mom: WHAT? What do you furbags WANT? / Snooch: Time? / Ebenezer: *sigh* Less than sixty seconds. You win. / Snooch: YAY!
http://twolumps.net/d/20050408.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is lying down, looking sad. Eben sits next to him]] / Ebenezer: What's up, Tons O' Fun? / Snooch: The world is a cold, cruel place, Benny. / Ebenezer: I don't think I've ever seen you depressed before. What happened? / Snooch: The glass is not half full. It is not half empty. The glass lies. / [[Snooch assumes a pose of abject woe]] / Ebenezer: You went to steal Mom's drink, and it was non-alcoholic, right? / Snooch: WHY HAVE TEH VODKA GODS FORSAKEN MEEEEE?!
http://twolumps.net/d/20050411.html
 
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer and Snooch are looking at a new litterbox which Mom has placed on the floor]] / Mom: Check this out, guys! It's an automatic self-cleaning litterbox. Now you don't have to worry about it getting dirty. / Snooch: Ooo, cool! / Ebenezer: Call me a kook, but robots make me edgy. / Mom: Now where'd I put the instruction manual? / Snooch: Howzit work? / Ebenezer: Eh, probably just some kind of electric motor, triggered by an infrared... / Litterbox: GRRRRRR / Ebenezer: Or maybe it's an infernal device powered by demons... / Snooch: You sure? / Ebenezer: It's not plugged in, Snooch! / Snooch: Wuh-oh. / Litterbox: GNARRRRRRRL
http://twolumps.net/d/20050413.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer and Snooch are looking at a new automatic litterbox]] / Snooch: I can't believe Mom bought an evil catbox! / Ebenezer: Good point. What're the odds of her buying a gadget that's randomly possessed? / Litterbox: WE ALL ARE. / Snooch: YOU CAN TALK! / Litterbox: OF COURSE I CAN. I'M A DEMON, YOU MORON. / Ebenezer: Wait, you're saying ALL appliances are possessed? / Litterbox: NO, JUST AUTO-LITTERBOXES. SOME DEAL THE INVENTOR MADE WITH THE UNDERWORLD TO GET RICH. / Snooch: SO WHY ARE YOU TRYIN' TO GET US? / Litterbox: YOU'RE CATS. I'M TRAPPED IN A CAT PAN. YOU DO THE MATH. / Ebenezer: Yeuuck. / Litterbox: YEAH, YOU'D GET BITTER AFTER A WHILE TOO.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050415.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is talking to the new automatic litterbox, Snooch is off panel]] / Snooch: All done! / Ebenezer: Perfect. When Mom opens the door, it'll trip the wire and dump the bucket of water on you, shorting you out. / Litterbox demon: YES, THAT SHOULD DESTROY THE DEVICE THOROUGHLY ENOUGH TO FREE ME. THANK YOU. / [[Snooch sticks his head in the room]] / Ebenezer: And that'll send you back to Hell? / Litterbox demon: UNTIL I AM REASSIGNED, YES. / Snooch: To another catbox? That bites! / Litterbox demon: I SHOULD BE ABLE TO FIND SOMETHING BETTER NEXT TIME. / [[Snooch backs away from the litterbox]] / Ebenezer: Like what? / Litterbox demon: WELL, I HEAR THERE'S A BIG HIRING PUSH FOR THE NEXT RELEASE OF WINDOWS. / Snooch: I'm not nappin' on the top of the computer no more.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050418.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer and Snooch watch Mom walking by carrying a large bag labeled "all natural VENISOR cat food"]] / Mom: Hey guys, the vet said the commercial cat food might be what's making you fat, so I'm switching you to an all-natural diet. / Ebenezer: I am not fat. I am perfect. / Snooch: Ooooooo! TREATS! We get TREATS! / [[Both cats follow Mom out of the room]] / Snooch: WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS IT? / Ebenezer: Probably some rip-off "gourmet health brand" of cat food that's all the same junk as the regular stuff. Makes no difference to me. / [[Both cats stare at an entire brown and red deer hindquarter]] / Ebenezer: ...or maybe she's gone completely off the deep end. / Snooch: WE GET TO EAT BAMBI???
http://twolumps.net/d/20050420.html
Two Lumps [[In Ebeneezer's fantasy, he sits on a raised dais with human skulls set on poles on either side, surrounded by prostrating humans]] / Ebeneezer: Finally, my long-awaited dreams of world domination have come to pass. / [[Something small and white - rose petals and confetti - starts raining down from on high]] / Ebeenezer: The lowly humans realize their true ruler and shower me with confetti and rose petals. / [[In the real world, Ebeneezer has shredded some of the toilet paper in the bathroom, and lies on the floor below it, tail twitching]] / Mom: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO THE TOILET PAPER? / Ebeneezer: Peons. They will all pay for their insolence.
http://twolumps.net/d/20050422.html
 

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