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Two Lumps {{SNOOCH HAIKU THEATER}} / [[Snooch is sitting, headband with Japanese character is wrapped around his eyes]] / Snooch: Day fades into night. / [[Mom removes headband]] / Mom: Give me that, Snooch! Good grief! How did you get that wrapped around your head? / Snooch: HEY! / [[Snooch's eyebrows angle up]]
http://twolumps.net/d/20090213.html
Two Lumps {{SNOOCH HAIKU THEATER}} / [[Snooch is sitting, headband with Japanese character is wrapped around his eyes]] / Snooch: Day fades into night. / [[Mom removes headband]] / Mom: Give me that, Snooch! Good grief! How did you get that wrapped around your head? / Snooch: HEY! / [[Snooch's eyebrows angle up]]
http://twolumps.net/d/20090213.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch and Ebenezer are sitting on both sides of an object consisting of a bobbing bird taped to a Speak n Spell]] / Ebenezer: I've done it! / Snooch: But toys were already invented. / Ebenezer: No, you fool. I have harnessed the Speak N Spell for a greater purpose! I give you... the simulated child! / Snooch: I think kids are more compl'cated, Benny. / Ebenezer: Oh? Observe! / [[Bird bounces up and down, tapping keyboard]] / Simulated child: Y / Simulated child: Y / Snooch: I don't get it. / Simulated child: Y / Ebenezer: How surprising.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090216.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch and Ebenezer are sitting on both sides of an object consisting of a bobbing bird taped to a Speak n Spell]] / Ebenezer: I've done it! / Snooch: But toys were already invented. / Ebenezer: No, you fool. I have harnessed the Speak N Spell for a greater purpose! I give you... the simulated child! / Snooch: I think kids are more compl'cated, Benny. / Ebenezer: Oh? Observe! / [[Bird bounces up and down, tapping keyboard]] / Simulated child: Y / Simulated child: Y / Snooch: I don't get it. / Simulated child: Y / Ebenezer: How surprising.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090216.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer approaches Snooch, who is sitting in the food cupboard]] / Snooch: Hey, these guys spelled "crab" wrong! Even I know how to spell that! / Ebenezer: That's not a typo, that's marketing. / [[Cans of food above Snooch's head are labeled with mirror image of "gooshi"]] / Snooch: Huh? / Ebenezer: It's spelled "krab" because it doesn't have any real crab in it, so they made up a new word as a legal loophole. / Snooch: That explains the new "shykken & pheesh" gooshyfood, I guess. / Ebenezer: They should probably call it "fud," just to be safe.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090218.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer approaches Snooch, who is sitting in the food cupboard]] / Snooch: Hey, these guys spelled "crab" wrong! Even I know how to spell that! / Ebenezer: That's not a typo, that's marketing. / [[Cans of food above Snooch's head are labeled with mirror image of "gooshi"]] / Snooch: Huh? / Ebenezer: It's spelled "krab" because it doesn't have any real crab in it, so they made up a new word as a legal loophole. / Snooch: That explains the new "shykken & pheesh" gooshyfood, I guess. / Ebenezer: They should probably call it "fud," just to be safe.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090218.html
Two Lumps Mom: Okay guys, hold off before the next pull, I'll BRB. And Eben, if you steal my chair again I'm locking your fuzzy butt in the bathroom. / Mom: Okay guys, I'm baAAAAAAGH GOD I JUST SAT IN CAT VOMIT! / Ebenezer: If I can't have it, nobody can.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090220.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer discovers Snooch, looking sick, sitting next to a bottle of pink liquid labeled NEMO with a gift-card attached]] / Ebenezer: What the daft Dickens is this all about? / Snooch: MOM BROUGHT EVIL INTO THE HOUSE, BENNY. / [[Ebenezer reads the gift card]] / Ebenezer: "Nemo. A new sparkling vodka for Her. With flavors of strawberry, peach and melon..." / Snooch: MORE LIKE FLAVORS OF UNICORN FARTS. / [[Ebenezer looks at Snooch in disgust as a trickle of the pink vodka comes out of the latter's mouth]] / Ebenezer: Well, that's a lovely mental image you've painted. / Snooch: THE CARPET SHIP CANNOT SAIL UNDER UNICORN FART WINDS.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090223.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer discovers Snooch, looking sick, sitting next to a bottle of pink liquid labeled NEMO with a gift-card attached]] / Ebenezer: What the daft Dickens is this all about? / Snooch: MOM BROUGHT EVIL INTO THE HOUSE, BENNY. / [[Ebenezer reads the gift card]] / Ebenezer: "Nemo. A new sparkling vodka for Her. With flavors of strawberry, peach and melon..." / Snooch: MORE LIKE FLAVORS OF UNICORN FARTS. / [[Ebenezer looks at Snooch in disgust as a trickle of the pink vodka comes out of the latter's mouth]] / Ebenezer: Well, that's a lovely mental image you've painted. / Snooch: THE CARPET SHIP CANNOT SAIL UNDER UNICORN FART WINDS.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090223.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer discovers Snooch, looking sick, sitting next to a bottle of pink liquid labeled NEMO with a gift-card attached]] / Ebenezer: What the daft Dickens is this all about? / Snooch: MOM BROUGHT EVIL INTO THE HOUSE, BENNY. / [[Ebenezer reads the gift card]] / Ebenezer: "Nemo. A new sparkling vodka for Her. With flavors of strawberry, peach and melon..." / Snooch: MORE LIKE FLAVORS OF UNICORN FARTS. / [[Ebenezer looks at Snooch in disgust as a trickle of the pink vodka comes out of the latter's mouth]] / Ebenezer: Well, that's a lovely mental image you've painted. / Snooch: THE CARPET SHIP CANNOT SAIL UNDER UNICORN FART WINDS.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090223.html
 
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer stares at Snooch, who looks annoyed and has a black cross on his forehead]] / Ebenezer: Huh. Celebrating Ash Wednesday, then? / Snooch: Maybe. / [[Snooch looks to the side]] / Ebenezer: So what are you repenting for? / Snooch: Um. Eatin' too much. An' hairballs. An' stuff. / [[Ebenezer looks away while Snooch scratches forehead]] / Ebenezer: And for drinking so much during Mardi Gras you slept with your forehead on the heater grate all night? / Snooch: Maybe. / <>
http://twolumps.net/d/20090225.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer stares at Snooch, who looks annoyed and has a black cross on his forehead]] / Ebenezer: Huh. Celebrating Ash Wednesday, then? / Snooch: Maybe. / [[Snooch looks to the side]] / Ebenezer: So what are you repenting for? / Snooch: Um. Eatin' too much. An' hairballs. An' stuff. / [[Ebenezer looks away while Snooch scratches forehead]] / Ebenezer: And for drinking so much during Mardi Gras you slept with your forehead on the heater grate all night? / Snooch: Maybe. / <>
http://twolumps.net/d/20090225.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch, wearing a bowtie and sitting next to an open box and spool of ribbon]] / Snooch: Benny! Come see the present I got for Mom! / Ebenezer: [[off panel]] Is it going to explode? / Snooch: I doubt it! / [[Ebenezer joins Snooch]] / Snooch: Member how on Valentines we saw that ad for the edible underthingys that were all gross? I figured out what was wrong with 'em! / Ebenezer: uh, EVERYTHING? / [[Ebenezer looks in box while Snooch innocently looks up in the air]] / Snooch: The flavor! / Ebenezer: Beef jerky underpants. Oh, my stars and garters ... / [[Last panel is text only with the phrase Etsy.com surrounded by a brown background]] / JUST ANOTHER FINE PRODUCT YOU CAN FIND AT Etsy.com / FO REALS. NO KIDDING.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090227.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch, wearing a bowtie and sitting next to an open box and spool of ribbon]] / Snooch: Benny! Come see the present I got for Mom! / Ebenezer: [[off panel]] Is it going to explode? / Snooch: I doubt it! / [[Ebenezer joins Snooch]] / Snooch: Member how on Valentines we saw that ad for the edible underthingys that were all gross? I figured out what was wrong with 'em! / Ebenezer: uh, EVERYTHING? / [[Ebenezer looks in box while Snooch innocently looks up in the air]] / Snooch: The flavor! / Ebenezer: Beef jerky underpants. Oh, my stars and garters ... / [[Last panel is text only with the phrase Etsy.com surrounded by a brown background]] / JUST ANOTHER FINE PRODUCT YOU CAN FIND AT Etsy.com / FO REALS. NO KIDDING.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090227.html
Two Lumps [[Two figures dressed in clock-related super-hero costumes]] / First figure: THIS CLOCK IS NOW SYNCHRONIZED, TYMECS MAN! / Tymecs Man: AND YET SOMEONE KEEPS MAKING THEM ALL RUN FAST, THROUGHOUT THE CITY! / Tymecs Man: IT CAN MEAN ONLY ONE THING... ...WE ARE BEING WATCHED! / [[Ebenezer faces Snooch]] / Ebenezer: No, I DON'T think that's what the Watchmen movie is about. At least... yeegh, I hope not.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090302.html
Two Lumps [[Two figures dressed in clock-related super-hero costumes]] / First figure: THIS CLOCK IS NOW SYNCHRONIZED, TYMECS MAN! / Tymecs Man: AND YET SOMEONE KEEPS MAKING THEM ALL RUN FAST, THROUGHOUT THE CITY! / Tymecs Man: IT CAN MEAN ONLY ONE THING... ...WE ARE BEING WATCHED! / [[Ebenezer faces Snooch]] / Ebenezer: No, I DON'T think that's what the Watchmen movie is about. At least... yeegh, I hope not.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090302.html
Two Lumps [[Two figures dressed in clock-related super-hero costumes]] / First figure: THIS CLOCK IS NOW SYNCHRONIZED, TYMECS MAN! / Tymecs Man: AND YET SOMEONE KEEPS MAKING THEM ALL RUN FAST, THROUGHOUT THE CITY! / Tymecs Man: IT CAN MEAN ONLY ONE THING... ...WE ARE BEING WATCHED! / [[Ebenezer faces Snooch]] / Ebenezer: No, I DON'T think that's what the Watchmen movie is about. At least... yeegh, I hope not.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090302.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch, fur bristling, stares at the dryer, which is open and has one paw coming out of it]] / Snooch: BENNY? That was YOU in the dryer all this time? / Ebenezer: WHO DID YOU THINK IT WAS YOU BEAM IN THE EYE OF JEHOSEPHAT? I was screaming and banging around! Why didn't you GET MET OUT? / [[Ebenezer crawls out of the dryer on top of a pile of clothes]] / Snooch: I thought Mom was listening to Combichrist again. / Ebenezer: You SON of a... Actually, that's a fair defense. Ugh. / [[Ebenezer walks away]] / Ebenezer: Urgh... so much spinning... feel like I'm going to hurl... / Snooch: Yeah, I know. That s#!t will f@&k you up.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090304.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch, fur bristling, stares at the dryer, which is open and has one paw coming out of it]] / Snooch: BENNY? That was YOU in the dryer all this time? / Ebenezer: WHO DID YOU THINK IT WAS YOU BEAM IN THE EYE OF JEHOSEPHAT? I was screaming and banging around! Why didn't you GET MET OUT? / [[Ebenezer crawls out of the dryer on top of a pile of clothes]] / Snooch: I thought Mom was listening to Combichrist again. / Ebenezer: You SON of a... Actually, that's a fair defense. Ugh. / [[Ebenezer walks away]] / Ebenezer: Urgh... so much spinning... feel like I'm going to hurl... / Snooch: Yeah, I know. That s#!t will f@&k you up.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090304.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch, fur bristling, stares at the dryer, which is open and has one paw coming out of it]] / Snooch: BENNY? That was YOU in the dryer all this time? / Ebenezer: WHO DID YOU THINK IT WAS YOU BEAM IN THE EYE OF JEHOSEPHAT? I was screaming and banging around! Why didn't you GET MET OUT? / [[Ebenezer crawls out of the dryer on top of a pile of clothes]] / Snooch: I thought Mom was listening to Combichrist again. / Ebenezer: You SON of a... Actually, that's a fair defense. Ugh. / [[Ebenezer walks away]] / Ebenezer: Urgh... so much spinning... feel like I'm going to hurl... / Snooch: Yeah, I know. That s#!t will f@&k you up.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090304.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer, sitting on the couch, minding his own business]] / [[There is a large explosion from somewhere off-screen, sending pieces of something flying and causing Ebenezer to jump with fright]] / <> / [[Ebenezer lies on his back next to a scorched Snooch]] / Snooch: SHUT UP. / Ebenezer: I told you, it only copies PAPER, not TEQUILA... / Snooch: SHUT UP.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090306.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer, sitting on the couch, minding his own business]] / [[There is a large explosion from somewhere off-screen, sending pieces of something flying and causing Ebenezer to jump with fright]] / <> / [[Ebenezer lies on his back next to a scorched Snooch]] / Snooch: SHUT UP. / Ebenezer: I told you, it only copies PAPER, not TEQUILA... / Snooch: SHUT UP.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090306.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer, sitting on the couch, minding his own business]] / [[There is a large explosion from somewhere off-screen, sending pieces of something flying and causing Ebenezer to jump with fright]] / <> / [[Ebenezer lies on his back next to a scorched Snooch]] / Snooch: SHUT UP. / Ebenezer: I told you, it only copies PAPER, not TEQUILA... / Snooch: SHUT UP.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090306.html
 
Two Lumps [[Eben, in bristled amazement, looks at Snooch who is dressed in a long-sleeved blue shirt with maroon tie, and wearing a mask of a human male]] / Snooch: MORTGAGE CRISIS! / Ebenezer: WHAT IN THE NAME OF ANUBIS'S SPAGHETTI PLATE? / Snooch: I'm a SKINNY now! / Ebenezer: You're a what? / Snooch: I'm part of a community of cats who dress up as people! It lets us explore our inner, humanlike urges! / Ebenezer: Such as? / Snooch: I have the desire to groom myself with water and soap! / Ebenezer: That's revolting.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090309.html
Two Lumps [[Eben, in bristled amazement, looks at Snooch who is dressed in a long-sleeved blue shirt with maroon tie, and wearing a mask of a human male]] / Snooch: MORTGAGE CRISIS! / Ebenezer: WHAT IN THE NAME OF ANUBIS'S SPAGHETTI PLATE? / Snooch: I'm a SKINNY now! / Ebenezer: You're a what? / Snooch: I'm part of a community of cats who dress up as people! It lets us explore our inner, humanlike urges! / Ebenezer: Such as? / Snooch: I have the desire to groom myself with water and soap! / Ebenezer: That's revolting.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090309.html
Two Lumps Snooch: MeFi is like your own personal internets... IN CYBER SPACE ! / [[Snooch stands on his hind legs, about to stomp on a toy house and car, as Ebenezer enters on all fours]] / Snooch: Hee ! / Ebenezer: Are you ripping jokes off of other websites? / Snooch: That would be content theft ! / [[Ebenezer and Snooch on their hind legs]] / Ebenezer: You understand? / Snooch: Yup ! / [[Ebenezer walks away on all fours]] / Snooch: And now I see why Dinosaur Comics does it like this! / Ebenezer: Because it's FREAKING EASY! / LATER: / [[Snooch on his hind legs]] / Snooch: Just checked, and it's STILL REALLY FREAKIN' EASY.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090311.html
Two Lumps Snooch: MeFi is like your own personal internets... IN CYBER SPACE ! / [[Snooch stands on his hind legs, about to stomp on a toy house and car, as Ebenezer enters on all fours]] / Snooch: Hee ! / Ebenezer: Are you ripping jokes off of other websites? / Snooch: That would be content theft ! / [[Ebenezer and Snooch on their hind legs]] / Ebenezer: You understand? / Snooch: Yup ! / [[Ebenezer walks away on all fours]] / Snooch: And now I see why Dinosaur Comics does it like this! / Ebenezer: Because it's FREAKING EASY! / LATER: / [[Snooch on his hind legs]] / Snooch: Just checked, and it's STILL REALLY FREAKIN' EASY.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090311.html
Two Lumps [[Eben walks toward Snooch who is watching TV]] / Snooch: BENNY. WE NEED TO GO TO LONDON. / Ebenezer: Oh good. The Travel Channel's perfected hypnosis. / [[Ebenezer washes himself]] / Ebenezer: Here's why not. It's cold. It's always some form of wet. It's crowded. It's polluted. It's- / [[Both now stare at the TV]] / Ebenezer: ...is that a piece of fried cod bigger than YOU? / Snooch: Yuh. / Ebenezer: I'll load the travel site, you snag Mom's credit card.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090313.html
Two Lumps [[Eben walks toward Snooch who is watching TV]] / Snooch: BENNY. WE NEED TO GO TO LONDON. / Ebenezer: Oh good. The Travel Channel's perfected hypnosis. / [[Ebenezer washes himself]] / Ebenezer: Here's why not. It's cold. It's always some form of wet. It's crowded. It's polluted. It's- / [[Both now stare at the TV]] / Ebenezer: ...is that a piece of fried cod bigger than YOU? / Snooch: Yuh. / Ebenezer: I'll load the travel site, you snag Mom's credit card.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090313.html
Two Lumps [[Beside a running tap in the bathroom]] / Snooch: Five years now online. / [[Photograph of a river with a whooping crane in it]]] / Snooch: Time flows, a swift, silent stream. / [[Bathroom sink overflows]] / Snooch: ...why I gotta pee?
http://twolumps.net/d/20090316.html
Two Lumps [[Beside a running tap in the bathroom]] / Snooch: Five years now online. / [[Photograph of a river with a whooping crane in it]]] / Snooch: Time flows, a swift, silent stream. / [[Bathroom sink overflows]] / Snooch: ...why I gotta pee?
http://twolumps.net/d/20090316.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch races past Ebenezer who is on the couch]] / Snooch: GIVES YOU WINGS! WOOP WOOP WOOP! / Ebenezer: Good grief, not again... / [[Ebenezer stares after Snooch]] / Ebenezer: For the last time, those energy drinks are NOT meant for feline consumption. They can't be good for you. / [[Snooch is embedded facefirst in the arm of the couch from running into it at full tilt, Ebenezer's tail lashes]] / Snooch: ...you may have a point there. / Ebenezer: Behold, your first caffeine crash.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090318.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch races past Ebenezer who is on the couch]] / Snooch: GIVES YOU WINGS! WOOP WOOP WOOP! / Ebenezer: Good grief, not again... / [[Ebenezer stares after Snooch]] / Ebenezer: For the last time, those energy drinks are NOT meant for feline consumption. They can't be good for you. / [[Snooch is embedded facefirst in the arm of the couch from running into it at full tilt, Ebenezer's tail lashes]] / Snooch: ...you may have a point there. / Ebenezer: Behold, your first caffeine crash.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090318.html
 
Two Lumps [[Eben is on couch]] / Snooch: [[off panel]] BENNY! Someone put bad email in the pantry! / Ebenezer: What? No, that's the real thing. Spam. Humans buy it. / [[Snooch sticks head in room]] / Snooch: What's a "pork buy-project?" / Ebenezer: Pork BY-PRODUCT. Parts of dead pigs that nobody else wanted to use for hot dogs or bologna. / Snooch: [[once more off panel]] So now the pigs send bad emails from Piggie Heaven? / Ebenezer: WILL YOU GET OUT OF THE F#&%ING CUPBOARD AND LET ME SLEEP???
http://twolumps.net/d/20090320.html
Two Lumps [[Eben is on couch]] / Snooch: [[off panel]] BENNY! Someone put bad email in the pantry! / Ebenezer: What? No, that's the real thing. Spam. Humans buy it. / [[Snooch sticks head in room]] / Snooch: What's a "pork buy-project?" / Ebenezer: Pork BY-PRODUCT. Parts of dead pigs that nobody else wanted to use for hot dogs or bologna. / Snooch: [[once more off panel]] So now the pigs send bad emails from Piggie Heaven? / Ebenezer: WILL YOU GET OUT OF THE F#&%ING CUPBOARD AND LET ME SLEEP???
http://twolumps.net/d/20090320.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is glaring at Snooch, who has dumped the garbage can over and is inspecting the garbage]] / Ebenezer: I'd say mom is going to kill you, but this time I think she'll just settle for chasing you around the house with a spatula again. / Snooch: SILENCE! I am finding the treasure! / Ebenezer: Looking for DNA evidence to prove OJ is innocent? / Snooch: [[looking upset]] The teevee said that Americans throw away valuable resources every day! Every DAY! / [[Ebenezer leaves, Snooch looks deeper in garbage can]] / Ebenezer: That was a recycling ad, you oaf. / Snooch: NONSENSE! There were no pictures of people riding bikes!
http://twolumps.net/d/20090323.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is glaring at Snooch, who has dumped the garbage can over and is inspecting the garbage]] / Ebenezer: I'd say mom is going to kill you, but this time I think she'll just settle for chasing you around the house with a spatula again. / Snooch: SILENCE! I am finding the treasure! / Ebenezer: Looking for DNA evidence to prove OJ is innocent? / Snooch: [[looking upset]] The teevee said that Americans throw away valuable resources every day! Every DAY! / [[Ebenezer leaves, Snooch looks deeper in garbage can]] / Ebenezer: That was a recycling ad, you oaf. / Snooch: NONSENSE! There were no pictures of people riding bikes!
http://twolumps.net/d/20090323.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch and Ebenezer are dressed in purple and gold rapper/pimp outfits]] / Jointly: YO. GO TO STONEGARDEN.NET AND PRE-ORDER THE THIRD TWO LUMPS COLLECTION! IF YOU DO IT BY THE END OF MARCH 2009, YOU GET HALF-OFF THE COVER PRICE! DO IT NOW! WORD!
http://twolumps.net/d/20090324.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch and Ebenezer are dressed in purple and gold rapper/pimp outfits]] / Jointly: YO. GO TO STONEGARDEN.NET AND PRE-ORDER THE THIRD TWO LUMPS COLLECTION! IF YOU DO IT BY THE END OF MARCH 2009, YOU GET HALF-OFF THE COVER PRICE! DO IT NOW! WORD!
http://twolumps.net/d/20090324.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch and Ebenezer are dressed in purple and gold rapper/pimp outfits]] / Jointly: YO. GO TO STONEGARDEN.NET AND PRE-ORDER THE THIRD TWO LUMPS COLLECTION! IF YOU DO IT BY THE END OF MARCH 2009, YOU GET HALF-OFF THE COVER PRICE! DO IT NOW! WORD!
http://twolumps.net/d/20090324.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer walks toward Snooch, who has his head in a pan]] / Ebenezer: What're you eating? / Snooch: Ratatouille! It's good! / [[Snooch lifts head and looks at Ebenezer]] / Ebenezer: You know that really doesn't have rat in it, right? / Snooch: Does so! / Ebenezer: No, it doesn't. The name-- / [[Snooch starts eating from pan again]] / Snooch: DOES SO! I saw him fall in the pot myself! / Ebenezer: Oh. Ew. / Snooch: The hard part's eatin' around the little chef's hat.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090325.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer walks toward Snooch, who has his head in a pan]] / Ebenezer: What're you eating? / Snooch: Ratatouille! It's good! / [[Snooch lifts head and looks at Ebenezer]] / Ebenezer: You know that really doesn't have rat in it, right? / Snooch: Does so! / Ebenezer: No, it doesn't. The name-- / [[Snooch starts eating from pan again]] / Snooch: DOES SO! I saw him fall in the pot myself! / Ebenezer: Oh. Ew. / Snooch: The hard part's eatin' around the little chef's hat.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090325.html
Two Lumps {{MEL AND J WILL BE ATTENDING AGGIECON 40 MARCH 26TH-29TH, 2009 COME ON BY AND SAY HOWDY!}} / [[Next to the text above is a large burgundy ATM logo for Texas A&M University. Ebenezer sits in the lower left foreground wearing a white, tan and burgundy western shirt with a bolo tie, a tan hat with burgundy trim and chewing a stalk of wheat. Snooch is in the lower right background rolling on the floor with a green grenade between his front paws and a bandolier full of bullets under his back.]]
http://twolumps.net/d/20090326.html
 
Two Lumps [[Eben is washing, Snooch is looking up at Mom's foot, which is bandaged and resting on the arm of the couch]] / Snooch: Yay! Mom's down! I'm-a lie on her! / Eben: I don't think she'll be very appreciative of you taking advantage of her injury. / Snooch: Pft, not like she can do nothin' about it! / <<*POUNCE* AAAAAARGH!!!!>> / [[Eben bristles, extremely startled]] / <<*WHOMP*>> / Eben: You forget she has a cane. ...and mad croquet skills, it would seem. / Snooch: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! [[quickly rolling past]]
http://twolumps.net/d/20090327.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch has a scarf, printed with kanji characters, wrapped around his eyes. He is sitting in front of a full-color scene of a park with trees, a paved path, and the edge of a pond]] / Snooch: On the road of life... / [[Scene behind Snooch has changed to dark trees edging a blue sky with gray clouds]] / Snooch: When you stop to smell roses... / [[Scene behind Snooch has changed to a close-up of many, many yellow bees]] / Snooch: Do not sniff the bees.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090330.html
Two Lumps {{April Fool's Day election}} / Snooch: This is my year! / Ebenezer: For what? / Snooch: To finally get elected April Fool! / Ebenezer: It's not an election, hamloaf. It's just a holiday where people play tricks on each other. / Snooch: But...you showed me that news article... / Ebenezer: ...and? / Snooch: <> Oh, BISCUITS. Now I gots ten thousand promo posters to get rid of. / Ebenezer: Hey, I'd vote for you.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090401.html
Two Lumps Snooch: Eben? What's going on? There are zombies wanderin' around! / Ebenezer: Very astute, my sizeable sibling. They seem not to notice us, however, and that gives me an idea. / Ebenezer: We will RIDE them, Snooch! They will be our undead chariots! / Snooch: If you sez so, Eben! Here goes nuffin'! / Ebenezer: Quickly, Snooch, our destiny awaits us! / Ebenezer: Faster, my undead minion! To the gooshy food! / <> / <> / Snooch: ...Benny? My zombie went all SQUISHY. He ain't movin' no more. / Ebenezer: Y'know, Snooch, your butt might just be the secret weapon that saves humanity from the zombie hordes.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090403.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is stretching and yawning on the couch, Snooch is exiting room on the run]] / Ebenezer: Is it NASCAR season already? / Snooch: Quick! We need to bust out the 'mergency supplies! / [[Ebenezer stares off panel]] / Ebenezer: And what's the emergency? / Snooch: The FOOD DISH is EMPTY! DUH!! / [[Ebenezer lays back down, Snooch races through room the other way]] / Ebenezer: Make sure you grab the "emergency" antacids too. / Snooch: ROGER! / Ebenezer: We don't need a HAZMAT team coming for the litter box again.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090406.html
Two Lumps [[Ebenezer is stretching and yawning on the couch, Snooch is exiting room on the run]] / Ebenezer: Is it NASCAR season already? / Snooch: Quick! We need to bust out the 'mergency supplies! / [[Ebenezer stares off panel]] / Ebenezer: And what's the emergency? / Snooch: The FOOD DISH is EMPTY! DUH!! / [[Ebenezer lays back down, Snooch races through room the other way]] / Ebenezer: Make sure you grab the "emergency" antacids too. / Snooch: ROGER! / Ebenezer: We don't need a HAZMAT team coming for the litter box again.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090406.html
 
Two Lumps [[Snooch is sleeping on couch]] / Ebenezer: [[off panel]] ...razzumfrazzumrargle. BUDGE UP, SUPERCHUNK. / Snooch: Wuh oh. / [[Ebenezer enters room, Snooch now sprawling on couch]] / Ebenezer: What the? Just MOVE. / Snooch: FIE! My dominant pose drives you from my terr'tory! Nature Channel says so! / Ebenezer: Oh DOES it, now? / [[Ebenezer lays down on floor]] / Ebenezer: And how long do you hold that pose? / Snooch: Uh... until you leave, I guess? / Ebenezer: Awesome. See you after my nap. / Snooch: ...my nose itches.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090408.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is sleeping on couch]] / Ebenezer: [[off panel]] ...razzumfrazzumrargle. BUDGE UP, SUPERCHUNK. / Snooch: Wuh oh. / [[Ebenezer enters room, Snooch now sprawling on couch]] / Ebenezer: What the? Just MOVE. / Snooch: FIE! My dominant pose drives you from my terr'tory! Nature Channel says so! / Ebenezer: Oh DOES it, now? / [[Ebenezer lays down on floor]] / Ebenezer: And how long do you hold that pose? / Snooch: Uh... until you leave, I guess? / Ebenezer: Awesome. See you after my nap. / Snooch: ...my nose itches.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090408.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch, scowling at the water dish.]] / Snooch: BENNY! RED ALERT, BENNY! COME QUICK! / Ebenezer: I arrive as beckoned. / Snooch: This water dish has A HAIR IN IT. / [[Ebenezer's fur bristles. Snooch's scowl deepens.]] / Ebenezer: OUTRAGE! / Snooch: INDEED. / Ebenezer: We have only one course of action. / Snooch: I CONCUR! / [[Both cats glare out of panel at reader]] / <>>
http://twolumps.net/d/20090410.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch, scowling at the water dish.]] / Snooch: BENNY! RED ALERT, BENNY! COME QUICK! / Ebenezer: I arrive as beckoned. / Snooch: This water dish has A HAIR IN IT. / [[Ebenezer's fur bristles. Snooch's scowl deepens.]] / Ebenezer: OUTRAGE! / Snooch: INDEED. / Ebenezer: We have only one course of action. / Snooch: I CONCUR! / [[Both cats glare out of panel at reader]] / <>>
http://twolumps.net/d/20090410.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is looking out the window which is bright]] / Snooch: ...Yes! Perfect! Now keep it that way this time! Just like that! / [[The window goes dark. Ebenezer is now here, staring at Snooch.]] / Snooch: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT AGAIN! / [[The window is bright again.]] / Snooch: The stupid window is broke again, Eben! / Ebenezer: Springtime in Texas: Nature's strobelight.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090413.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is looking out the window which is bright]] / Snooch: ...Yes! Perfect! Now keep it that way this time! Just like that! / [[The window goes dark. Ebenezer is now here, staring at Snooch.]] / Snooch: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT AGAIN! / [[The window is bright again.]] / Snooch: The stupid window is broke again, Eben! / Ebenezer: Springtime in Texas: Nature's strobelight.
http://twolumps.net/d/20090413.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is sitting in front of an easel, holding a paintbrush in his mouth, with red and yellow drips on his fur]] / Ebenezer: What smells like a burger joint in here? / Snooch: My new art asperriment! / [[Snooch sits, back towards us, facing a brilliant painting of yellow and red flowers]] / Snooch: I used all these old ketchup an' mustard an' relish packets Mom brings home from the fast food places. I call this one: "Still Life, Still Sauce." It'll be the first painting people have to lick! / Ebenezer: But is it art? / Snooch: Who cares? It's delicious!
http://twolumps.net/d/20090415.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is sitting in front of an easel, holding a paintbrush in his mouth, with red and yellow drips on his fur]] / Ebenezer: What smells like a burger joint in here? / Snooch: My new art asperriment! / [[Snooch sits, back towards us, facing a brilliant painting of yellow and red flowers]] / Snooch: I used all these old ketchup an' mustard an' relish packets Mom brings home from the fast food places. I call this one: "Still Life, Still Sauce." It'll be the first painting people have to lick! / Ebenezer: But is it art? / Snooch: Who cares? It's delicious!
http://twolumps.net/d/20090415.html
Two Lumps [[Snooch is sitting in front of an easel, holding a paintbrush in his mouth, with red and yellow drips on his fur]] / Ebenezer: What smells like a burger joint in here? / Snooch: My new art asperriment! / [[Snooch sits, back towards us, facing a brilliant painting of yellow and red flowers]] / Snooch: I used all these old ketchup an' mustard an' relish packets Mom brings home from the fast food places. I call this one: "Still Life, Still Sauce." It'll be the first painting people have to lick! / Ebenezer: But is it art? / Snooch: Who cares? It's delicious!
http://twolumps.net/d/20090415.html
Two Lumps Ebenezer: [[reading from a book]] Yes, in ancient Egypt, cats were prized. Worshipped, even. / Snooch: That's good, right? / Ebenezer: And at death, great people had their prized possessions and loved ones mummified and buried with them. / Snooch: [[grimacing]] Eurgh. / Ebenezer: ...yeah. You go hide the bandages. I'll make Mom some chicken soup. Just in case. / Snooch: [[bolting off]] I'M ON IT!
http://twolumps.net/d/20090417.html
Two Lumps Ebenezer: [[reading from a book]] Yes, in ancient Egypt, cats were prized. Worshipped, even. / Snooch: That's good, right? / Ebenezer: And at death, great people had their prized possessions and loved ones mummified and buried with them. / Snooch: [[grimacing]] Eurgh. / Ebenezer: ...yeah. You go hide the bandages. I'll make Mom some chicken soup. Just in case. / Snooch: [[bolting off]] I'M ON IT!
http://twolumps.net/d/20090417.html
 

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