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| Two Lumps | Roach1: Hail, Murgatroyd! I trust you weren't followed?
/ Roach2: Nay, and such news I bring from our headquarters. / Roach1: What ho?
/ Roach2: Forsooth! Our men lie in wait tonight, and we shall charge the food bowl at midnight! / Ebenezer: I'm standing right here, you know.
/ Roach1: O unkind fate!... http://twolumps.net/d/20060628.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Two cockroaches sit in the gooshyfood dish.]]
/ Cockroach 1: FORSOOTH! YON FAT ONE COMETH TO HALT OUR FEAST!
/ Cockroach 2: READY ART THOU? ON THE COUNTING OF THREE... ONE... TWO... / [[Snooch sits by the gooshyfood dish, looking surprised.]]
/ Cockroach 1 and Cockroach 2: GO AWAY! / [[Snooch runs from... http://twolumps.net/d/20060630.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben and Snooch sitting next to a can of bug spray and the food dish, which is surrounded by a toxic green cloud.]]
/ Roach: O MURDER! WHAT FOULNESS IS THIS?
/ Ebenezer: Taste hot death, roachy villains! I, Ebenezer have sprayed the entire bowl with POISON! / [[Beat panel. Eben and Snooch both looked... http://twolumps.net/d/20060703.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer sits on chair before Mom's computer, typing a letter with his paw.]]
/ Ebenezer: "Dear cat 'owners' of the world: We, the felidae, would like to make a definitive culinary statement." / [[A rooster and a glass of milk are visible above Eben's head.]]
/ Ebenezer: "We enjoy eating chicken. We... http://twolumps.net/d/20060705.html |
| Two Lumps | [Eben sitting on the table, Snooch crouching under it]
/ Snooch: *hurk hurk hurk BLURG*
/ Mom: Oh NO, Snooch! NOT AGAIN! / Mom: Why?! Why is it always on the dining room carpet? Why not the linoleum, or the tile that can be cleaned easily? This stuff NEVER comes out! ARGH!
/ Snooch: Benny, did I do okay? / [[Eben... http://twolumps.net/d/20060707.html |
| Two Lumps | [Eben and Snooch are playing cards.]
/ Ebenezer: Okay, you're big blind and you just called. No further action, so now it's time for the flop.
/ Snooch: YAY! I know how to do that! / [[Snooch flops onto his back with a mighty < http://twolumps.net/d/20060710.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch lies in the background, looking depressed, a patch of fur missing from his hindquarters. Eben, wearing a shirt and tie, is in the foreground, doing his scientist impersonation]]
/ Ebenezer: Do you suffer the embarassment of bald patches due to excessive grooming or dry-skin gnawing?
/ Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20060712.html |
| Two Lumps | [Eben is solving incredibly difficult mathematical equations.] / [Snooch sneaks up on him with a sock over his head. The sock has two buttons for eyes]
/ Snooch: Woo hoo! I'm a sock puppet!
/ [Eben's fur stands on end as he stares at Snooch] / Ebenezer: How the green blazes did you get your head inside... http://twolumps.net/d/20060714.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Eben napping on the couch]]
/ Snooch: [[From offscreen]] Hey, Eben!
/ Ebenezer: What.
/ Snooch: Does acetylene cut through steel? / [[Snooch appears in welding mask with cutting torch in paw]]
/ Ebenezer: Yes, but if it's Galvanized, you're going to have a problem with the poisonous vapors.
/ Snooch:... http://twolumps.net/d/20060717.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Silhouetted against a (photographic) background of mountains and sky, Ebenezer -- wearing a helmet -- walks across a foreground ridge]]
/ Ebenezer: We have set a new record for catdom: scaling the heights of Mount Kitchenmanjaro.
/ [[From somewhere behind him, off-panel:]]
/ Snooch: *whuff whuff* / Ebenezer:... http://twolumps.net/d/20060719.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch holding up one paw, separating his front toes in a Spock-like V shape]]
/ Snooch: The bag is too small for my head and shoulders ! I must use the amazing power of V-TOE! / [[Snooch digging into a bag of chips with the paw]]
/ Snooch: V-TOE! V-TOE THE FRITO! / [[Snooch is happily munching on... http://twolumps.net/d/20060721.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch wears a safari hat that covers his eyes]]
/ Snooch: Woohoo! You ready to go back to Kitchenmanjaro, Benny?
/ Ebenezer: In case you've forgotten, the treasure was too heavy to carry.
/ Snooch: Yeah, but I read about how adven'chrers hire Sherpas to carry their stuff an' help! / Ebenezer: You might... http://twolumps.net/d/20060724.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is sitting under a sign labeled "Free Tung Rides 4 Mouses", mouth wide open.]] / [[Ebenezer appears, stage right.]] / Ebenezer: Any success yet, chief?
/ Snooch: AAAAAAHN.
/ Ebenezer: Carry on, then. http://twolumps.net/d/20060726.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer walks purposefully.]] / [[Ebenezer stops in front of the litterbox, looking at a sand castle turret built of cat litter with turds in the walls and a triangular flag planted at the top.]] / [[Ebenezer looks at us with narrowed eyes and a raised brow, from beside the litterbox.]]
/ Snooch... http://twolumps.net/d/20060728.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch: < http://twolumps.net/d/20060731.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch: MMMMM, Peanut butter! / < http://twolumps.net/d/20060802.html |
| Two Lumps | [[SNOOCH NINJA HAIKU: THE DUST BUNNY]]
/ Snooch: Paw strikes like lightning! / Snooch: Beasts from sofa are vanquished. / Snooch: They taste like butt, though.
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20060804.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Close-up on Ebenezer, sitting on the floor in front of the couch.]]
/ Ebenezer: I know you're confused, so I'll try to explain again. Yes, one "human year" equals six "cat years".
/ Snooch [[from off-panel]]: Uh huh. / [[Further close-up on Ebenezer]]
/ Ebenezer: This means that technically we are both... http://twolumps.net/d/20060807.html |
| Two Lumps | Snooch: Watcha readin'?
/ Ebenezer: Zen Buddhism. They claim enlightenment is embodied by a fat, laughing figure who has mastered the art of the empty mind... / [[Snooch stares at Eben with a blank look]] / Ebenezer: Congratulations.
/ Snooch: Huh?
/ Ebenezer: Indeed. http://twolumps.net/d/20060809.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer is on the couch. Snooch is off screen.]]
/ Snooch: Benny, do I HAFTA do this?
/ Ebenezer: < http://twolumps.net/d/20060811.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch in kitchen, eating. Cthulhu appears from offscreen, reaching for bowl.]]
/ Cthulhu: NYUM NYUM LOOKS TASTY / [[Snooch has fled the kitchen, Cthulhu still at food bowl.]]
/ Snooch: AAAAAAAAAUGH!
/ Cthulhu: HEE HEE / [[Ebenezer sitting on couch, watching Snooch run by in a panic.]]
/ Ebenezer: Oh,... http://twolumps.net/d/20060814.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer and Snooch are in the kitchen with a mop and bucket. Eben is stomping away angrily.]]
/ Ebenezer: How terrifying. A mop. Perhaps it'll polish the floor at me, you halfwit.
/ Snooch: BUT IT... BUT I SAW... / [[The mop head has turned into Cthulhu's head and is sticking out of the bucket.]]
/ Cthulhu:... http://twolumps.net/d/20060816.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer walks into the kitchen and sees Cthulhu-mop.]]
/ Ebenezer: Well, well. Seems the fat idiot wasn't kidding.
/ Cthulhu: I will eat your fear! Cower in terror, cat! Booga booga booga! /
/ [[Ebenezer sits down and looks at Cthulhu]]
/ Cthulhu: Booga booga! Rarrrrr!
/ Cthulhu: Be scared, dammit! / [[Ebenezer... http://twolumps.net/d/20060818.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer walks into the kitchen and sees Cthulhu-mop.]]
/ Ebenezer: Well, well. Seems the fat idiot wasn't kidding.
/ Cthulhu: I will eat your fear! Cower in terror, cat! Booga booga booga! /
/ [[Ebenezer sits down and looks at Cthulhu]]
/ Cthulhu: Booga booga! Rarrrrr!
/ Cthulhu: Be scared, dammit! / [[Ebenezer... http://twolumps.net/d/20060818.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer in kitchen, looking at Cthulhu-mop.]]
/ Cthulhu: Face it, cat. I'm here, and I ain't going away anytime soon.
/ Ebenezer: In the words of Jonathan the Owl, "You think this is so?" / [[Ebenezer sits on Cthulhu's bucket]]
/ Cthulhu: Wait! What are you...
/ Cthulhu: AAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! / [[Snooch... http://twolumps.net/d/20060823.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch sitting on washing machine, wearing a cowboy hat. Eben wandering in from offscreen.]]
/ Snooch: Howdy pardner!
/ Ebenezer: What the ... Did you eat another bowl of coins?
/ Snooch: Nah, I'm just here for the ro-dee-oh.
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20060825.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch is wearing a cooking pot on his head. Eben walking up to him.]]
/ Ebenezer: Let me guess: To keep aliens from reading your empty head?
/ Snooch: Naw! It's for a'stream sports!
/ Ebenezer: Unless you're planning on fishing with that thing, it's pronounced "extreme". / Snooch: Yeah! I'm gonna take... http://twolumps.net/d/20060828.html |
| Two Lumps | [[A washing machine is thrashing around]]
/ Snooch: OW! ACK! OOF! AAAAUGH! GAAH! OWIE! AI! JEEBUS! OUCH! OW!
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20060830.html |
| Two Lumps | [[A washing machine is thrashing around]]
/ Snooch: OW! ACK! OOF! AAAAUGH! GAAH! OWIE! AI! JEEBUS! OUCH! OW!
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20060830.html |
| Two Lumps | [[A washing machine is thrashing around]]
/ Snooch: OW! ACK! OOF! AAAAUGH! GAAH! OWIE! AI! JEEBUS! OUCH! OW!
/ < http://twolumps.net/d/20060830.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Snooch has collapsed on the floor in a great sopping wet mess]]
/ Snooch: <<*cough* *cough* *wheeze*>> I ... / Snooch: I ... I am ... / [[Eben appears on the right]]
/ Snooch: ... I am ... EXTREMO!
/ Ebenezer: Do tell. http://twolumps.net/d/20060901.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer sits on the couch.]]
/ Snooch (offscreen): PENIS!!! hee hee hee... / [[Ebenezer looks at the audience, a pained look on his face.]]
/ Snooch (offscreen): PENIS!!! hee hee! PENIS!!! / [[Snooch finally appears in the panel, his usual grinning self.]]
/ Snooch: Hey, Eben! I got a new game! Wanna--
/ Ebenezer:... http://twolumps.net/d/20060904.html |
| Two Lumps | [[Ebenezer walks into the living room, addressing Snooch, who is wearing a white chef's hat]]
/ Ebenezer: Decided you're the world's largest turkey leg?
/ Snooch: I'm learnin' how to COOK! / [[Ebenezer sits beside Snooch in front of the couch.]]
/ Ebenezer: Holy Canute, tell me Mom isn't letting you near... http://twolumps.net/d/20060906.html |
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