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| So it begins... | Ketchup: The Hour of Judgement draws nigh! / Taco Sauce: Repent, sinners, lest ye be sacrificed! / Salsa: Ay! Fear the vengeful Hand! He is all-knowing! / Yogurt: *gasp* Ketchup... You're... back! You survived the Choosing! / Ketchup: Hm. Armageddon involved a lot of shaking and stomach squishing... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2005-11-09 |
| Refrigerator Romance | Ketchup: I think I shall never see... / Ketchup: ... a mustard bottle as pretty as thee. / Ketchp: But hark! On yonder ledge, near Italian Dressing! / Ketchup: Whose eyes are like a freshly installed 20-watt bulb / Dijon Mustard: Aww... now if that caterwauling just ain't the sweetest thing I ever... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2005-11-16 |
| Stellar Science Time | Dr. Abraham Lime presents... Stellar Science Time! / Lime: Hey kids! Today's show is about radiation! I bet you all love radiation! / Lime: FAN-tastic. Now, our guest today is Crazy Chloe, the remnants of a mad cow brain. / Lime: Today's show: Using radiation to bring her back from the beyond! Totally... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2005-11-23 |
| White Gold | Mayor Newman: Attention! Fair and tasty citizens of Kitchenton! / Mayor Newman: I have gathered you here today because our quaint village is under attack! / Mayor Newman: This foe, nay, this villain is the evil product of the sugar cane plant... SUGAR!
/ Salsa: AY DIOS MIO! / Mayor Newman: We must... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2005-11-30 |
| "Fateful Debate" | Sir Schilling Peppercorns: Hello, everyone. I'm Sir Schilling Peppercorns, welcoming you to our recap of the Kitchenton Mayoral Debates. / Mayor Newman: Hey, I'm Mayor Newman.
/ Ranch: Hello good people of Kitchenton! It is I, your untiring political servant, Ranch!
/ Sir Schilling Peppercorns: It started... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2005-12-07 |
| Election Day Disaster | Quaker Oats: *Psst* Vote Communism! Get your fair share of the pie!
/ Taco Sauce: Hm... The pumpkin pie has been pretty delicious this year. I'll do it! / Brown Sugar Poptarts: Vote Communism! It'll... quench... your... thirst?
/ Gatorade: ALRIGHT! LET'S DO IT! SPIKE IT IN THE END ZONE!
/ Brown Sugar Poptarts:... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2005-12-14 |
| Grave Investigation | Lime: Ugh... being in this graveyard freaks me out. Poor Quaker Oats... baked alive.
/ Green Dye: "Mulligatawny Ghandi: Meat Stew Martyr, Boiled Alive in Protest." There are some fascinating tombstones here... / Lime: Foolish boy! We're here to find evidence about who did this to Quaker!
/ Green Dye:... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2005-12-21 |
| Tragic Spooning | Lime: So, with my science spoon, we could analyze Quaker's cadaver and find out how exactly he was killed... Maybe give us a clue...
/ Mayor Newman: *ahem* / Mayor Newman: We need to put a stop to this investigation... it's taking time away from when I could be in office. Salt? Pepper?
/ Pepper: Haha. / Salt:... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2005-12-28 |
| Juicy Innards | Orange 1: Man, we've been on this island for months. This is the worst vacation idea you've ever had.
/ Orange 2: Sorry. I just thought it would get us to bond. / Orange 1: No technology, no food, no nothing. What could we do?
/ Orange 2: We could always talk. Maybe something philosophical? Existentialism?... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-01-03 |
| Toasted Justice | Muffin 1: We caught this lowly endpiece stealing from your stores, my royal loafness. / Muffin 1: What should his punishment be, my lord?
/ Bread: Be fair! I beseech you! / Royal Loaf: I did not rise from the ranks of grain to be fair and just, silly boy! You are mistaken.
/ Bread: Please! Your majesty!... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-01-05 |
| Viagra Parody | Tired of flat, stale bread? / Do you find yourself unable to rise in the oven? / Your loaves not burning with desire? / Then try YEAST! / ... and become your lady's doughboy. / Today. / Loaf: I used to suffer from Arousal Dysfunction, but thanks to Yeast I can stay raised as long as I need! http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-01-10 |
| Betrayal | Peanut Butter: I'm off, my sweet Strawberry, to work. Another day, another dollop! Don't miss me! Haha!
/ Strawberry Jam: See you tonight, my chunky one... / Peanut Butter: Hey boys! We've got a busy day ahead of us! The goal is to increase sandwich creation ten-fold! Hoorah!
/ Rice Cake: Why the burst... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-01-12 |
| Cucumber, Part 1 | Cucumber: Mother sweetest! Father dearest! It is I, your dainty, dandelion-loving son! Come out, come out wherever you are! / Father Cucumber: Uh... well... We heard that you got beat up by... a herd of cauliflower. Is this true, son?
/ Cucumber: Wh-wh-where'd you hear that from? / Father Cucumber:... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-01-17 |
| Cucumber, Part 2 | Blackberry: ... I still can't believe that Buttah brutha started crying. Someone had to preserve her berries ... and I was there...
/ Cucumber: Ow... my body... / Blackberry: Whoa, dawg... You aight? You look like death! / Cucumber: It's these streets, they've beaten me harder than mashed beets...
/ I... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-01-19 |
| Cucumber, Part 3 | Cucumber: Uhh... Yeah.... Feel the beat... YEAH.
/ Orange Fan: This is peculiar. / Cucumber: Straight from the streets, And I'm already an elite, Rappin' with an unseen finesse. Honey, don't ask for money, you can dryclean your own dress!
/ Orange Fan: He's rhyming and he's disrespectul! He must be very... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-01-24 |
| Cucumber, Part 4 | Cucumber: Despite pop'lar opinion, I'm not afraid to spit the troof, though I've heard you squares call it uncouth!
/ Ramen: Shakespeare? In a rap? A pleasant addition! / Cucumber: I've been part of a drive-by peelin'... 'Cuz of a gone-wrong cane dealin'...
/ Ramen: I heard that was just a rumor... / Cucumber:... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-01-26 |
| Cucumber, Part 5 | Crowd: Amazing! We want more! Two UPC's way up! We want Q-cumba! It was swell! / Swirlysweet: You realize what you've done? To win over The Cabinet... THE Cabinet... / Swirlysweet: Wow.
/ Cucumber: What, Mr. Swirlysweet?
/ Swirlysweet: Oh man. You're going to be big, kid. Bigger than... well. You'll... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-01-31 |
| Cucumber, The Finale | Cornucopias: So... it's not a problem then?
/ Pepper: Not at all, boys.
/ Cornucopias: Don't worry too much. Enjoy yourselves.
/ Salt & Pepper: We always do! / Swirlysweet: Well, see... they're all corn. I guess they figured 'The Cornucopias' was a clever name. Go figure, yeah?
/ Cucumber: Still seems odd.... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-02-02 |
| Bad Dream | Ketchup: *snore* / Ketchup: Hey, Mustard, you know we've been seeing each other for a while now...
/ Mustard: Yes? / Ketchup: I was just thinking... maybe... / Upsidedownketchup: Out of my way, CHUMP.
/ Ketchup: Hey! / Upsidedownketchup: Shut up. Hey baby, want to get to know a real bottle?
/ Mustard:... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-02-07 |
| The Dance | Ketchup: Be confident. Hey beautiful. Your scent is so powerful and magnetic-
/ Mustard: Yes? / Ketchup: They should call you MUSK-ard! Uhh...cometotheValentine'sDaydancewithme.
/ Mustard: Alright, but on one condition. / Ketchup: ...?
/ Mustard: Never say Musk-ard. Ever. I mean that. Never. / Mustard:... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-02-09 |
| Valentine's Day! | Mustard: Um... Ketchup?
/ Ketchup: Yes, my one and only? / Mustard: Remember that passionate night we had after the Valentine's Day dance?
/ Ketchup: Of course! Everybody remembers their first time! / Mustard: ...or their 37th. Do you remember... if we used a ... condiment?
/ Ketchup: Methinks we did... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-02-14 |
| Homicidy Dumpty | Egg 1: "Humpty dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty dumpty had a great fall." / Egg 2: Whatchya readin' all the way up here?
/ Egg 1: ...You interrupted me. I don't like to be interrupted. / Egg 2: I'm sorry?
/ Egg 1 shoves Egg 2. / Egg 2 splats. / Egg 1: "All the king's horses and all the king's men..." / Bread... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-02-16 |
| The Selection | Chocolate Milk: Lend me your ears, brethren! THE SELECTION IS UPON US! / Chocolate Milk: Yes, the succulent and holy ritual of the Hand! / Chocolate Milk: Judge not your fellow Kitchenites! 'Tis the Hand's job! / Chocolate Milk: If you have been pure of heart, and free of lard, a white light shall... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-02-21 |
| Family Outing | Blackberry: *Knock, knock* Who's there? Orange. Orange who? / Blackberry: Orange you glad I didn't say banana! Tehehee...hehe. Hehe. You guys should be laughing at the jokes! I'm laughin', so you know they're funny! / Tomato: I'm actually offended. My cousin is a banana. Blackberry is a fruitist!
/ Tomatito:... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-02-23 |
| The Arrival | Chocolate Milk: What in blue blazin' Hell is this awful place?
/ Ice Cream: You said it. Welcome to Hell!
/ Chocolate Milk: Guess Hell really did freeze over. Do you really have a zombie infestation like the rumors suggest? / Zombie 1: Fresh...brains...
/ Zombie 2: I... lactose ... intolerant. You... eat. / Ice... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-02-28 |
| Freeing the Beast | Chocolate Milk: Where is this abomination that will destroy the Fridgedom?
/ Ice Cream: Just behind us. Chill out.
/ Chocolate Milk: I'm try-... Clever. / Ice Cream: There he lies... untouched for a millenia... Shrink-wrapped as a punishment for a past... indiscretion. / Chocolate Milk: *Gasp* / Chocolate... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-03-02 |
| Lobzilla Attacks | Lobzilla: Tally ho! Death from above and what not! / Lobzilla: A daily dose of calcium won't save you now! / Lobzilla: You'll regret not having sugar when I'm through with you, by George! / Lobzilla: I'll transform your pulpy hide to rubbish! / Salsa: Ay! Es un pescado desnudo! Ay! It's a naked,... http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-03-07 |
| Absurd Ad | LOBZILLA and CLUCKTHRA / The Battle for the Fridgedom / They'll shake, they'll bake, they'll cause delicious destruction! / Coming in March 2006 http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-03-09 |
| Avant-Garde Attack | Lobzilla Cluckthra / KAPOW KERSQUISH BAM THUNK / Lobzilla: I'm fleeing like a French... custard! / Cluckthra: CCCCLLLLUUUUUCCCKKKK! http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-03-14 |
| Vanquishing by the Numbers | Ferocious battle / Cluckthra using telekinetic powers to open oven and set for ten minutes at 350 degrees / Defeat for Cluckthra?! / Not likely! / Baked Lobster?!
/ Lobzilla: No! I need to be boiled! I will not be tasty like this! / Cluckthra 1, Lobzilla 0. http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-03-16 |