You're browsing the archives of General Protection Fault.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| GPF Archive: Saturday, September 30, 2000 | [[Dwayne's bathroom, as he brushes his teeth]] / Dwayne {{thinking}}: To think... Soon I'll get to experience the joys of parenthood... A baby's smile, a first tooth, a first step, a first word... / Dwayne {{thinking}}: ...Diapers, midnight feedings, first day of school, braces, broken bones, first dates, adolescence, graduation, college tuition, marriage, moving out, putting me into a retirement home... / Nicole: Why so gloomy, handsome?
/ Dwayne: I'm an eighty-year-old trapped in a thirty-year-old body... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20000930.html |
| GPF Archive: Sunday, October 1, 2000 | [[Fooker and Fred watch television in Fooker's living room, Fred is holding the remote]]
/ Remote: < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001001.html |
| GPF Archive: Monday, October 2, 2000 | Ki: I can't believe you're doing this to me, mom! I've got nowhere to put him. Can't you send him to granmama's or something? / Ki: So he tried to turn her toaster into a robot... surely she's gotten over that by now... You said TWO WEEKS? I have to baby-sit him for two whole weeks? / Ki: Okay, Okay... when is the little runt going to get here?
/ Yoshi: Hiya, Sis. I bypassed your security system and let myself in. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001002.html |
| GPF Archive: Tuesday, October 3, 2000 | Ki: Nick, I want you to meet my little brother, Yoshi. He's staying with me for a couple weeks while my folks are in Europe.
/ Nick: Hello, Yoshi.
/ Yoshi: Hi. / Yoshi: You ought to know, I'm ten years old, have an IQ of 208, and am smarter than you will ever be. I've already skipped three grades and plan to take college courses this fall. I've also beaten twelve Mensa members at chess and plan to redesign the space shuttle in my spare time.
/ Nick: ! / Nick: Humble little guy, ain't he?
/ Ki: And how.
/ Yoshi: Did you know you have a bug in your code? http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001003.html |
| GPF Archive: Wednesday, October 4, 2000 | Yoshi: You're Ki's new boyfriend, right?
/ Nick: That's right, Yoshi. / Yoshi: Ya know, Ki always fell for dumber men. She rarely dated a guy whose IQ was higher than his age. Seems nothing ever changes. Do you at least have a masters degree? / Nick: Why don't you go try computing Pi to the first 100 decimal places?
/ Yoshi: Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. Got any good games on this thing? http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001004.html |
| GPF Archive: Thursday, October 5, 2000 | Yoshi: You do know you're a nerd, right?
/ Nick: Look who's talking. / Yoshi: I'm not a nerd!
/ Nick: If you're not a nerd, then I'm Pee Wee Herman. / Yoshi: Pee Wee Who?! / Nick: Ouch. Now I feel old... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001005.html |
| GPF Archive: Friday, October 6, 2000 | Yoshi: Ki, your boyfriend called me a nerd!
/ Nick: Hey!
/ Ki: Nick! / Nick: He's the one who started it.
/ Yoshi: Did not!
/ Nick: Did too! / Ki: Why do the two most intelligent men in my life act like children?
/ Yoshi: Did not!
/ Nick: Did too!
/ Yoshi: Did /Not/!
/ Nick: Did /Too/! http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001006.html |
| GPF Archive: Saturday, October 7, 2000 | [[Ki and Nick are making out on a couch]]
/ < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001007.html |
| GPF Archive: Monday, October 9, 2000 | Ki: Dwayne, this is my little brother Yoshi. Yoshi, this is my boss, Dwayne Duncan.
/ Dwayne: Hello, Yoshi.
/ Yoshi: Hi. / Dwayne: Are you planning to become a programmer one day like your sister?
/ Yoshi: Nope... / Yoshi: My multinational conglomerate will gobble up your piddly little company, I'll fire you, and you'll spend the rest of your days begging for handouts...
/ Ki: Heh... what an imagination http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001009.html |
| GPF Archive: Tuesday, October 10, 2000 | Yoshi: Who are you supposed to be?
/ Fooker: My name is Fooker. / {{Yoshi thinks}} / Yoshi: Someone oughta wash your mouth out with soap.
/ Fooker: _Foo_ker! Fooooooookerrr... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001010.html |
| GPF Archive: Wednesday, October 11, 2000 | [[Fooker's office]] / Yoshi: You know, that assembly code will result in a race condition upon entering a page fault.
/ Fooker: Oh really? / Fooker: And how do you propose I cache my register values without resorting to virtual memory?
/ Yoshi: Puh-leaze. / Yoshi: Implement a finite state machine which will swap register contents with addresses in RAM while paging your cached data structures.
/ Fooker {{thinking}}: Oooh... he's good... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001011.html |
| GPF Archive: Thursday, October 12, 2000 | [[Fooker's office]] / Fooker: All right, brain child, who's the father of autodynamics, the replacement for special relativity?
/ Yoshi: Dr. Ricardo Carezani / Fooker: What is the electron-proton magnetic moment ratio?
/ Yoshi: 658.2106881. / Fooker: What is the theory of hyper-dynamic existential quasi-static spectroscopy?
/ Yoshi: You made that one up.
/ Fooker: Pooh!
/ < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001012.html |
| GPF Archive: Friday, October 13, 2000 | Nick: I'm sorry Yoshi and I haven't hit it off, honey, but it looks like he and Fooker are getting along.
/ Ki: Yeah, I'm glad he's talking to someone. / Ki: I mean, I was a smart kid, but I had a lot of friends. He never seems to get along with other kids.
/ Nick: I wonder what those two are talking about. / [[Fooker's office]]
/ Fooker: What do you think is the lamest "Star Trek" concept: warp drive, phasers, or tricorders?
/ Yoshi: Definitely warp drive. I mean, talk about ignoring the laws of physics... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001013.html |
| GPF Archive: Saturday, October 14, 2000 | [[Ki, Nick, and Yoshi at the airport]] / Ki: Well, Yoshi, Mom and Dad should be back home by the time you get there. Call and let me know when you arrive.
/ Yoshi: Okay
/ Nick: Uh, Ki... Check the signs... / Ki: Oh, no! Your flight's canceled! Now what are we going to do?
/ Yoshi: I'll handle this...
/ Nick: Where are you going? / Yoshi {{offscreen}}: I'm going to fix the plane.
/ Ki: You're going to _what_?!?
/ Nick: Let's go. He's okay. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001014.html |
| GPF Archive: Monday, October 16, 2000 | [[Nick is opening his mail and talking to Ki, who is on the computer]]
/ Nick: Seems all I get is junk mail anymore. Here's yet another credit card application. This one's a Platinum Mastercharge... / Nick: Every time you turn around, you get another one. Gold, platinum, titanium... Vesa, Mastercharge, Disclosure... All claiming the lowest rate and the highest credit limits... / [[Fooker, wearing an immaculately tailored suit, walks up behind Nick and Ki]]
/ Nick: They'll give one of those things to just about anyone...
/ Fooker: Just park the limo in the back, Jeeves...
/ Jeeves [on cellphone]: Yes, suh. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001016.html |
| GPF Archive: Monday, October 16, 2000 | [[Nick is opening his mail and talking to Ki, who is on the computer]]
/ Nick: Seems all I get is junk mail anymore. Here's yet another credit card application. This one's a Platinum Mastercharge... / Nick: Every time you turn around, you get another one. Gold, platinum, titanium... Vesa, Mastercharge, Disclosure... All claiming the lowest rate and the highest credit limits... / [[Fooker, wearing an immaculately tailored suit, walks up behind Nick and Ki]]
/ Nick: They'll give one of those things to just about anyone...
/ Fooker: Just park the limo in the back, Jeeves...
/ Jeeves [on cellphone]: Yes, suh. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001016.html |
| GPF Archive: Tuesday, October 17, 2000 | [[Ki and Nick are sitting, Fooker stands to the right wearing a fancy suit and holding a credit card]]
/ Fooker: Check it out, dudes! They sent me a plutonium Mastercharge card!
/ Ki: "Plutonium" Mastercharge? / [[Closeup of Fooker holding the card to camera]]
/ Fooker: The interest rate is a low 5.9 APR and it has a kewl ten million dollar credit limit. The rate I'm going, I figure I have a good $25,000 left after the Armano suit and the Leer jet. / [[Long shot, Fooker is 'strutting']]
/ Nick: I feel a great disturbance in the Force...
/ Fooker: It even glows in the dark. Get it? Glows? Plutonium? Radioactive? N'yuk! N'yuk! http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001017.html |
| GPF Archive: Wednesday, October 18, 2000 | [[Fooker leans back in his chair as Dwayne enters the room]] / Fooker (thinking): I'm livin' large on my Plutonium Mastercharge...
/ Dwayne: Fooker, mail! / [[Fooker reads the letter]]
/ Letter: Dear Mr. Barker, It has come to our attention that you were erroneously sent a Plutonium Mastercharge in your name. This card was mean for "Dr. Fredrick Physarum." We ask that you immediately destroy the card and promptly repay any balance accrued. Thank you. / [[Fooker grimaces and quivers]]
/ Fooker: Oh poop. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001018.html |
| GPF Archive: Thursday, October 19, 2000 | Fred: So they sent you a Plutonium Mastercharge when they meant to send it to me?
/ Fooker: Yup. / Fooker: Unfortunately, I've almost used up all the ten million dollar credit limit. That means, I have to pay them back $9,975,000 by the end of the week. If I don't, they practically own me. / Fred: Woohoo! I'm the richest slime mold in the world!
/ Fooker: "Gee, Fooker, I'm so sorry. Let your rich friend help you out..." http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001019.html |
| GPF Archive: Friday, October 20, 2000 | [[Dwayne, talking to Nick and Ki in the office.]]
/ Dwayne: Did I hear correctly that Fooker is in some sort of financial trouble?
/ Ki: Try _deep_ financial trouble. / Nick: Some bank messed up and sent him a Plutonium Mastercharge. By the time they caught the mistake, he had already run up quite a debt. Now they want it all back.
/ Ki: I hope he can find the money... / [[Fooker, standing at a window with a slightly annoyed looking woman, under a sign reading "Give the gift of life! Be an organ donor today!"
/ Fooker: Do you take spleens? I can live without one. Heck, I've got two of them, right? http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001020.html |
| GPF Archive: Saturday, October 21, 2000 | Nick: So you managed to clear up the whole Plutonium Mastercharge mess?
/ Fooker: Oh, yeah. / Fooker: Luckily, most of the stuff I bought I could return. All those refunds brought the balance back down to $10,000. / Nick: That's still an awful lot of money. How are you--
/ Fooker: 'Scuse me, Nick. I'm due at the med school in a hour. Today, they explore my digestive system... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001021.html |
| GPF Archive: Monday, October 23, 2000 | [[Office meeting. Dwayne is standing while Trudy, Fooker, Ki, and Nick are sitting.]]
/ Dwayne: Gang, the community is putting on a Halloween party for the local kids and is asking for volunteers. I think it would be good press if we helped out. / [[Silence. Dwayne looks mad while the rest of the group stares at him.]] / Dwayne: Please contain your enthusiasm.
/ Nick: Oh...you're not joking... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001023.html |
| GPF Archive: Tuesday, October 24, 2000 | Ki: Dwayne wants us to help out at the community halloween party, but I have no costume ideas...
/ Nick: Oh, I sure do. / Nick: I have a costume I've had squirreled away for years that I've been dying to wear but I've never had the chance. Now, after all this time, the opportunity is finally here! / Nick: AND IT'S MINE! MINE, I TELL YOU! ALL MINE! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
/ Ki: Down, boy. You're drooling... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001024.html |
| GPF Archive: Wednesday, October 25, 2000 | [[A hand is seen knocking on a door]]
/ < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001025.html |
| GPF Archive: Thursday, October 26, 2000 | [[Nick, dressed as Dr. Who, and Ki, dressed in a sexy cat suit, head to a Halloween party]]
/ Nick: I can't believe you couldn't tell I'm supposed to be Doctor Who.
/ Ki: Nick, I don't even know who Doctor Who is! How can I recognize you? / [[Characters from Dr. Who float in the background as Nick talks]]
/ Nick: Doctor Who was one of the premiere British sci-fi shows of all time! He battled the cold Daleks, the cruel Cybermen, the sinister Time Lord, the Master... He was incredible. / [[Ki looks at Nick increduously, as Nick looks irritated]]
/ Ki: I STILL haven't heard of him.
/ Nick: Oh, this heathen generation! You must be educated from your pagan ways. All is not Star Trek... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001026.html |
| GPF Archive: Friday, October 27, 2000 | [[Ki and Nick are in a car park. They are in Halloween costumes; Nick is Dr Who (Tom Baker version) and Ki is Catwoman. They are standing by a sign that reads "COMMUNITY HALLOWEEN PARTY"]]
/ KI : Okay, Dr. What. This looks like the place.
/ NICK : That's Doctor WHO.
/ KI : Whatever. / [[Trudy appears dressed as a witch, complete with pointy hat and long hooked nose. She is not pleased to see them.]]
/ NICK : And look who beat us here...
/ KI : You know, Trudy, that costume is SO appropriate... / [[Trudy bears down on Ki with an evil grin and Nick looks like he's trying to make a getaway]]
/ TRUDY : Here, kitty, kitty... Want to play with this poisoned ball of yarn?
/ NICK : I think I'll retire to the Tardis now... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001027.html |
| GPF Archive: Saturday, October 28, 2000 | [[Nick is talking to Dwayne and Nicole inside the Halloween party, there are balloons in the background. Dwayne is dressed as Caesar and Nicole as Cleopatra]]
/ DWAYNE : Hi, Nick! Glad you could make it! Who are you supposed to be?
/ NICK : I'm the Doctor.
/ NICOLE : A Doctor? / [[The three are shown in sillhoutte]]
/ NICK : Not A Doctor, THE Doctor.
/ NICOLE : Doctor Who?
/ NICK : Exactly.
/ DWAYNE : Huh?
/ NICOLE : Who?
/ NICK : What? / [[Nick looks frustrated.Nicole is talking into Dwayne's ear]]
/ NICOLE {whispering} : Dwayne, I think he's scaring me...
/ NICK : Make fun of me, eh? Just see if I give you any jellybabies... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001028.html |
| GPF Archive: Monday, October 30, 2000 | [[Nick, dressed as the Tom Baker Dr. Who talking to Ki dressed in a black 'Josie and the Pussycats' type catsuit]]
/ Nick: It looks like the entire GPF crew is here except Fooker. I wonder where he is...
/ Ki: Uh... Here he comes... / [[Enter Fooker, dressed as he always is.]]
/ Nick: Uh... Fooker, you're supposed to wear a costume to a Halloween party...
/ Fooker: I _did_. / Fooker: I'm a Unix network administrator.
/ Nick: Well... It's original...
/ Ki: And cheap too... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001030.html |
| GPF Archive: Tuesday, October 31, 2000 | Child wearing crown: Who are you s'posed ta be, mister?
/ Fooker: I'm a UNIX network administrator.
/ Child wearing Darth Vader costume: What's that? / Fooker: Ummm... / Fooker: I'm the guy who e-mails your parents to tell them you've been playing games on the Internet instead of doing your homework.
/ Children (all): < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001031.html |
| GPF Archive: Wednesday, November 1, 2000 | [[Three kids dressed in costume are acosting Fooker]]
/ RABBIT KID : You dress like a slob, mister.
/ FOOKER : I'm a UNIX network administrator. We all dress like this. / [[Fooker is reacting to the next kid's next statement by massive suprise and all his hair is on end]]
/ PIRATE KID : My uncle told me a unix is a guy what someone cut off his--
/ FOOKER : ! / [[Fooker silences this pirate kid by holding his hand over the child's mouth.]]
/ FOOKER : Heh heh.. Obviously, your uncle doesn't appreciate the importance of true multitasking...
/ TIGER KID : Gee, mister, you must not go on dates much...
/ PIRATE KID : MRF! http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001101.html |
| GPF Archive: Thursday, November 2, 2000 | Kids: When do we get our candy?
/ Dwayne: We've got some wonderful treats for you kids right here! / Nicole: We've put together some healthy alternatives to candy. Like granola snacks, fruit, trail mix and juices! / Kids: No sugar? No chocolate?
/ Kids: It doesn't quite taste the same without preservatives.
/ Kids: What a rip off. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20001102.html |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80
81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100
101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 >>