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| Goats comic strip from October / 29 / 1999: halloweenies and zombie madness (4) | Look, for the last time, we don't serve organs here. Only beer. / Brains... / / CRUNCH / / RAAAH! / That's gotta hurt. http://www.goats.com/archive/991029.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 01 / 1999: halloweenies and zombie madness (5) | Jeez. Where the hell is my beer? / Are you looking for the lady with the beer? / / Yeah. You seen her? / A bad man ate her head and now she doesn't like to move around. / / Aw hell. We got zombies. / Did the bad man turn you into a lady, Phillip? http://www.goats.com/archive/991101.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 02 / 1999: halloweenies and zombie madness (6) | Brains... / Great. You ate my bartender. Nobody eats my bartenders. / / WHO'S GONNA GET MY BEER NOW, ZOMBIE?!? / BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM / / I don't date boys that have guns, Phillip. / Relax, Lauren. It's just for zombies. http://www.goats.com/archive/991102.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 03 / 1999: halloweenies and zombie madness (7) | Great. Just great. / / / Brains... / Oh. Excellent! I'll have a heifeweizen. http://www.goats.com/archive/991103.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 04 / 1999: halloweenies and zombie madness (8) | Why you standing around? Customers need beer. / Brains... / / Oh, you zombie now, eh? Why you become zombie? Zombies bad for business. You fired, lazy zombie. / Brains... / / All the time with you zombies! Brains! Brains! Why you think you so smart? You not smart. You lazy! / Brains... http://www.goats.com/archive/991104.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 05 / 1999: brains4zombies.com (1) | New York's zombie situation is nothing new, but the problem has reached epidemic status as of late. Last month alone, over 3,000 zombies filed for unemployment with the New York Department of Labor. / NY 1
/ Keith Shellac
/ 9:30
/ 55 / / These zombies are unable to keep jobs due to their "brains" addictions, spending all their time in the pursuit of brains instead of contributing to the local economy like other productive citizens. One can only hope that a solution to this problem will soon be found. / / I have an idea. / No. No you don't. Stop thinking. http://www.goats.com/archive/991105.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 08 / 1999: brains4zombies.com (2) | Why shouldn't I? It's an untapped demographic. / You just can't sell brains to zombies over the internet. / / They prefer the term "Zombie-Americans." / And how do you propose to get the brains for your little venture? / / Phillip, you said I get 30,000 options, not 3,000. / Oh. Yeah. That must be a typo. / How many options do I get? http://www.goats.com/archive/991108.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 09 / 1999: brains4zombies.com (3) | That graphic is too big. / And I don't like that font. / Look, calm down. Interface design is very tricky. Just let me do my job and it'll come out fine. / / / You spelled a word wrong. / The color of those buttons hurts my brain. / Good. Then I won't have to do it by hand. http://www.goats.com/archive/991109.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 10 / 1999: brains4zombies.com (4) | What do you think? / Brains4zombies.com? / / Yeah. We're gonna sell brains. To zombies. On the internet. / This is what you've been working on for the last week? This is why I haven't seen you? / / I.. uh. I built it as a tribute to our love. And stuff. / Well, it ain't the Taj Mahal, but it'll have to do. http://www.goats.com/archive/991110.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 11 / 1999: brains4zombies.com (5) | Argh graharghh brains4zombies.com graragh agh... / Rar / / BRAINS! / Brains... / / Ghrar. / Ghargharah. http://www.goats.com/archive/991111.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 12 / 1999: brains4zombies.com (6) | You've got brains! / Excellent. Our first brains4zombies.com-related email. / What's it say? / / To: support@brains4zombies.com
/ From: aghragh@argle.com / Dear Sirs,
/ AgraghagRGHAr aghARghar aghArhh
/ AghrgAHGhr grAGH Brains AGhrghga
/ AGHrrrAGHRga aghA GHRAgh BRAINS
/ brainsAGhahghan agh GHAGHAG ag
/ gah hjgahAHGhHAG
/ ghARghar aghARhh
/ Brains AGhrghga
/ GHRAgh BRAINS
/ HAGHAG ag
/ AHGhHAG / / We're gonna need to hire some customer support. / I'll call Jerrell. http://www.goats.com/archive/991112.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 15 / 1999: brains4zombies.com (7) | goats presents: JERRELL'S WACKY ADVENTURES IN CUSTOMER SUPPORT! / / To: support@brains4zombies.com
/ From: aghragh@argle.com
/ Dear Sirs,
/ AgraghagRGHAr aghARghar aghArhh AghrgAHGhr grAGH Brains AGhrghga AGHrrrAGHRga aghA GHRAgh BRAINS brainsAGhahghan agh GHAGHAG ag gah hjgahAHGhHAG ghARghar aghARhh Brains AGhrghga GHRAgh BRAINS HAGHAG ag AHGhHAG / / / To: aghragh@argle.com
/ From: support@brains4zombies.com
/ Re: Brains / die die die 666 fornicate die die die 666 die die die die 666 die die fornicate 666 diediedie die die 666 die die 666 666 fornicate die die die die 666 die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die 666 fornicate die die die 666 die die die die die 666 die die fornicate diedie die die 666 fornicate die 666 die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die 666 die http://www.goats.com/archive/991115.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 16 / 1999: brains4zombies.com (8) | What's left to do for the site? / Well, we've automated the shipping, Jerrell's doing customer support, zombie-related deaths are down, and we're rolling in dough. / / So we're done? / Yup. Time for a well-deserved vacation. / / Time to finally try out that new Speedo. / Dammit. The pub doesn't open until noon. http://www.goats.com/archive/991116.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 17 / 1999: help wanted (1) | Whatcha doin'? / Writing help-wanted ad for new bartender. No more lazy zombie waitress. We hire hard-working insomniac. / / Can I help? / Sure, fine. Chicken can help. / / You left out "Nice Ass." / No, look, right under "Huge Rack." http://www.goats.com/archive/991117.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 18 / 1999: help wanted (2) | Hi, I'm Tommy, owner of pub. Tell me little bit about yourself. / I really like condiments. / / No, no. Tell me about previous experience working in other bars. / Sometimes, I like to smear mustard all over my chest. Like I was a giant soft pretzel. / / And why you leave your last job? / Have you tried Hellmanns's Dijonnaise? Hellmann's Dijonnaise Creamy Mustard is a mustard that has a smooth Dijon taste in a deliciously creamy mustard.* / *from Hellmann's.com http://www.goats.com/archive/991118.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 19 / 1999: help wanted (3) | ...and you must be Gretchen von Hoober... / SILENCE! Heidi and I will now perform "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go," which was left off the "Cocktail" soundtrack. / / WAKE ME UP, BEFORE YOU GO-GO, DON'T LEAVE ME HANGIN ON LIKE A YO-YO, I DON'T WANNA MISS IT WHEN YOU HIT THAT HIGH... TAKE ME / / Next. / Oh yes, Heidi... yes. Oh god yes. You're mommy's little girl. Oh yes. / slurp slurp http://www.goats.com/archive/991119.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 22 / 1999: help wanted (4) | And you are? / I'm Stephanie, and this is Siobain. We're here for the bartending job. / / You not obsessed with condiments or accordions? / Not really. Is that a requirement? / Sometimes I put ketchup on my fries. / / Wonderful. You hired. / So actual skills aren't a prerequisite? / I can get some ketchup if you'd like. http://www.goats.com/archive/991122.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 23 / 1999: help wanted (5) | Unfortunately, we can't hire both of you. We have creamed-corn wrestle match to decide. / What? / / Both dress in skimpy bikini and wrestle in creamed corn. Winner gets job. / I have my lawyer on speed-dial. / / Oh, just kidding. We have sense of humor at pub. You both get job. / That's what I thought. / I only have a one-piece suit with me. Is that okay? http://www.goats.com/archive/991123.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 24 / 1999: help wanted (6) | Novice bar-wench! Bow down before me, for I am your dark lord and servant of Satan. Kneel, and pay homage to the forces of evil. / / Ah. You must be Diablo. / What black magic do you possess that would reveal my name to you? / / Lynda told me to watch out for... um... the most handsome chicken in the bar. / Ah. Well. But of course. Carry on. http://www.goats.com/archive/991124.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 25 / 1999: help wanted (7) | What does it take to get a glass of beer in this place? / You know, it's customary to buy your new bartender a shot now and then to ensure good service. / / / Deal. / And I'll just put this bottle of Jack Daniels on your tab to ensure that I remember to put beer in that glass. http://www.goats.com/archive/991125.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 26 / 1999: help wanted (8) | I don't know, Siobain... why are we taking another bartending job? / Because we have no marketable skills, and it pays our rent. / / Speak for yourself. I just can't stand the thought of dealing with yet another bar full of psychos. / Give 'em a chance, Steph. They don't seem too bad. / / The brunette is cute. I wonder if she'd mind if I stalked her. / I bet her address is in her purse. / I get her makeup when you're done. http://www.goats.com/archive/991126.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 29 / 1999: uncle disgusting's spider brew (1) | Y'Know, the beer list here isn't nearly as complete as the one where I used to work. / Really? What's missing? / / Well, for one, I'm not seeing "Uncle Disgusting's Spider Brew". You can't really call yourself a beer drinker unless you've tried it. / Blasphemy! Heretic! / / Fine... Suit yourself. / I'll give you a billion dollars for an Uncle Disgusting's Spider Brew. http://www.goats.com/archive/991129.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 30 / 1999: uncle disgusting's spider brew (2) | What do you mean, you don't have any? / Well, Uncle Disgusting's Spider Brew is only available in a small province of northern England. The spiders don't deal well with international travel. / / jon! Call the travel agent! / That's the spirit! Go get 'em, tiger. / / They sell Spider Brew at the corner deli. You know that. / Oh yeah. You think I should have mentioned that? http://www.goats.com/archive/991130.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 01 / 1999: uncle disgusting's spider brew (3) | ...and if you haven't had an Uncle Disgusting's Spider Brew, you're not really considered to be a beer drinker. / So? / / So, we need to go to England to get some. / I'm not flying to England just so you can assuage your fears about not being in some mythical fraternity of beer drinkers. / / Spider Brew, uh... also makes you attractive to women. English women. They did science-type testing. / How many carry-on pieces am I allowed? http://www.goats.com/archive/991201.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 02 / 1999: uncle disgusting's spider brew (4) | The beer really makes you attractive to women? How? / Oh, sure. But it's a complex process, hard to explain. It uses science and stuff. / / Must be some sort of arachnid pheromone. / Sure. Yah. Where's the stewardess? / / I mean, does it make you physically more attractive, or is it an understated sort of thing? / More scotch, sir? / Just leave the bottle. http://www.goats.com/archive/991202.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 03 / 1999: uncle disgusting's spider brew (5) | Until we rightfully reclaim what once was ours! / Americans... wonderful. How long do you plan to stay? / Just a day. / / And are you here on business? / Um, no, we're... / We're here on a quest! Take me to your bartender. / / Security, please. / I don't know him. / Bring it on, England! None of you can stop us! http://www.goats.com/archive/991203.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 06 / 1999: a magical journey (bobbins crossover) (1) | Great. Just as I was about to infiltrate your government's inner workings, you had to intervene. / But, we just... / / Silence! As pennance, I will allow you to buy me an Uncle Disgusting's Spider Brew at your nearest imbibery. / Holly. Help. / / How exactly do you get it to stay up like that? / Huh. Huhuhhuh. Huhuh. http://www.goats.com/archive/991206.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 07 / 1999: a magical journey (bobbins crossover) (2) | ...and the brunette! She's... oh, she's just so much woman! Gah! / I don't mean to be obsessive, but I am. Where's my Spider Brew? / / You're not looking at the big picture, Phillip. There's more to be had here than beer. / You're right... they'll be perfect pawns in my bid to conquer their puny country. / / Ooh! This one's nice... but I so adore this other one... / By the time we're done with the Americans and their wallets, you'll own the entire set. http://www.goats.com/archive/991207.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 08 / 1999: a magical journey (bobbins crossover) (3) | jon, what are you doing sleeping here on the couch? / I decided to give Phillip the bed. / / Was there a problem with the accomodations? / No, Holly, no... I just wanted to make sure he got a good night's sleep. / / Really? That's so considerate of you. / Well, that, and he's got this "explosive drooling" problem when he sleeps. http://www.goats.com/archive/991208.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 09 / 1999: a magical journey (bobbins crossover) (4) | I don't know... we just hit it off. He's cute, don't you think, Shelley? / I'm taking you for an eye exam. / / You're just jealous because for once, I have some romance in my life, and you don't. / I still have Brun... oh. Wait. Gah. / / Maybe Jon's friend is single. / I may be single now, but I'm not a desperate psychotic. / Flattery will get you nowhere, m'dear. http://www.goats.com/archive/991209.html |
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