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| Goats comic strip from September / 17 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (16) | Die die fornicate 666 die die die / Yes, we're entering the "Extreme Brewing" contest. What of it? / / die die die die 666 / Well, they have been sitting around for a while. I suppose I should have one just to make sure they're okay. / / die die die die / You're right... they could have all gone bad... I'll... I'll just taste them all. Just to be safe... / Take a hike, temptress. http://www.goats.com/archive/990917.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 20 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (17) | Gah... You're entering this in the competition? / Yeah, you like? / / What the hell did you put in this? It sure isn't compliant with the Reinheitsgebot. / Just a few extras. Coffee beans, a touch of paprika, and some ground beef. / / Ach. Why didn't you tell me? I'm a vegetarian. / If god didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat. http://www.goats.com/archive/990920.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 21 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (18) | Name, Social security number, style of beer. / Phillip Karlsson, 3, Goat Scrotum Ale. / / Would you rather have a lemur surgically attached to your back, or have to talk to Gary Coleman for an hour a day? / Lemur. / / You're at table #112, down the hall on the left. / It's not near Gary Coleman, is it? http://www.goats.com/archive/990921.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 22 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (19) | Man... can you smell it? That's competition in the air. / Amongst other odors. / / We're going to kick some beery ass today, my friend. Are you ready? / Oh yeah. This must be what it feels like for people who play and/or watch sports. / / I... I feel an overwhelming need to hurt someone. / The day's not going to be complete without a good old-fashioned slap fight. http://www.goats.com/archive/990922.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 23 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (20) | Keep an eye out for our ne'er-do-well competitors. / Hi! My name is Emily. I have a bear. / Competitor!! Enemy mine!! / / Get out of here you troglodyte! Before I feed your bear to rabid llamas. / Take your beery espionage elsewhere, corporate whore! / / That's right! Get your prepubescent thieving self out of my sight. And tell your Anheuser-Busch whoremasters to come up with their own recipes! / We should kick her ass. / Mommy! http://www.goats.com/archive/990923.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 24 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (21) | So... What now? We just sit here and wait for the judges? / Guess so. / / Who's judging this thing, anyway? / Good question. / / YOUR BEER IS AN INSULT TO ME! GET ON YOUR KNEES, SLUG, AND BEG MY FORGIVENESS! / Yes, mistress. http://www.goats.com/archive/990924.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 27 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (22) | I truly didn't think it was possible to make beer taste this bad. / My beer's primary fermentation took place on a bungee cord overhanging Bryce Canyon. / / What did you put in this? Powdered ass? / The secondary fermentation was done whilst hang-gliding. / / And yet, it still tastes like Madeleine Albright's mascara. / The Mountain Dew guys said it was "mondo rad." http://www.goats.com/archive/990927.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 28 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (23) | My beer is brewed within an autonomous geosynchronous satellite stationed over Milwaukee. I get updates from the satellite on my pager. See? / / It tells me the weather in space. Everyone loves to talk about the weather, and everyone loves space, right? / Yeah. Sure. / / Except the weather doesn't change that much in space. But it's on my pager! / Did you bring any beer, sir? http://www.goats.com/archive/990928.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 29 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (24) | Jerrell's "Die die die .P.A." huh? Well, it's got a nice balance of hops and malt, and the hint of citrus is pleasant, but it's missing that something extra. / / Die die die 666 die / ah... there's the extra. Well, looks like we have a winner. / / die die fornicate / Maybe. I'll call you. http://www.goats.com/archive/990929.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 30 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (25) | Die die / So... It is down to you. and it is down to me. / / Die die die 666 / / Wait a second... how can he win if no one's tasted my beer yet? / die die / Funny how that works, huh? http://www.goats.com/archive/990930.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 01 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (26) | Sorry, Lori, but try as you might, you can't declare a winner until you've tried all of the contestants' beer. / / Fine. Your beer sucks. Good night. / / That was strangely dissatisfying. / But the view is nice. http://www.goats.com/archive/991001.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 04 / 1999: random joke week (1) | Oh god, get it out of my head. / / Girl... Girl from IpanemaaaAH! / I told you not to take the elevator. / / TALL AND TAN AND YOUNG AND LOVELY, THE GIRL FROM IPANEMA GOES WALKING, AND WHEN / He's done for. / Not necessarily. Get me the Makita. http://www.goats.com/archive/991004.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 05 / 1999: random joke week (2) | What now, Diablo? / Guess what I'm gonna be for Halloween this year. / / A young Kevin Bacon. / Nope. I'm going as Yoda, Jedi Master. You can go as Lola, my Jedi Bitch. / / I am not your bitch. / Oh, you will be. You will be. http://www.goats.com/archive/991005.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 06 / 1999: random joke week (3) | Let's stage a bloody coup today. / Okay. What time? / / How's 11:00? / No good. I'm at the manicurist. After lunch? / / Nuh-uh. Conference call. / And tomorrow I'm going to be kidnapped by albino monks. Looks like this week is shot to hell. http://www.goats.com/archive/991006.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 07 / 1999: random joke week (4) | Go away, Diablo. / "Designing Women" is on, and you're still working? / / I have a project due. / Why don't you just modify one of your old projects? No one would notice. / / I'd never do something like that. Besides, it'd probably end up with all sorts of weird inconsistencies. / Coward. http://www.goats.com/archive/991007.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 08 / 1999: random joke week (5) | You wanna know what would be cool? / No. But you're going to tell me anyway, aren't you? / / If they had robots here. Robots that wrestled in creamed corn. / I think I saw some over there. Why don'tcha go look? / / He has issues, doesn't he? / Every single one since September '78. http://www.goats.com/archive/991008.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 11 / 1999: fear and toothgnip in las vegas (1) | Yeah, I'm Samoan. What of it? / Are you also an attorney? / / Actually, yes. I am an attorney. / Excellent. Let's ride. http://www.goats.com/archive/991011.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 12 / 1999: fear and toothgnip in las vegas (2) | We were somewhere around Newark on the edge of the desert when the Pop-Tarts began to take hold. I remember saying something like, "I feel a bit tasty. yet morally ambiguous..." And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us...
/ and the sky was full of what looked like huge kittens, all swooping and purring and playing with yarn around the car, which was going about a hundred miles and hour with the top down to Atlantic City. And a voice was screaming: "Holy Jesus! What's that in my peanut butter?" http://www.goats.com/archive/991012.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 13 / 1999: fear and toothgnip in las vegas (3) | The cyborg weasels had also given me $300 in McDonald's gift certificates, most of which was already spent on extremely dangerous orange drink. The trunk of the car looked like a mobile police narcotics lab. / / We had two bags of crispy fries, seventy five pellets of Scott Baio, five sheets of Stacey Q music, a salt shaker half full of Evil Cheese... / / And a whole galaxy of multicolored lemurs, troglodytes, accordions and ceiling babies... and also a quart of heifeweizen, a case of cookies shaped like U.S. Presidents, a pint of ketchup, and a Clark Bar. http://www.goats.com/archive/991013.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 14 / 1999: fear and toothgnip in las vegas (4) | I can't believe this. Do you know how long I spent cooking this? This is the last time I invite one of your friends to have dinner with us. / / Calm down, Lauren. Toothgnip will be here any minute. He probably just stopped to pick something up on his way over. / / Hey baby. http://www.goats.com/archive/991014.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 15 / 1999: fear and toothgnip in las vegas (5) | Toothgnip, where have you been? Lauren made dinner for us. / We're your friends. We're not like the others. / / No point mentioning those kittens. The poor bastard will see them soon enough. / What the hell are you babbling about? / / Gah! Will you please stop that?! / We can't stop here. This is kitten country! http://www.goats.com/archive/991015.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 18 / 1999: goatfriend in a coma (1) | Oh my non-denominational deity! What happened here? / Toothgnip got a hold of some bad Pop-Tarts. / / I... I thought we raised him better than this. / Who would have thought a tragedy like this could happen to us? / / Hopefully others will learn from this horrible example. / Do not eat the Strawberry Pop-Tarts! The Strawberry Pop-Tarts are bad! http://www.goats.com/archive/991018.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 19 / 1999: goatfriend in a coma (2) | I say we cremate him. / Toothgnip's not dead, Diablo. He's just in the hospital. / / I know a place where we can get him cremated for only $200. / And yet, he's still not dead. / / Or we could pick up a barbeque and do it ourselves. God knows we could use a barbeque. / Are you familiar with the concept of tact? http://www.goats.com/archive/991019.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 20 / 1999: goatfriend in a coma (3) | He sure looks dead. / He's just in a coma, Diablo. The doctors say he could recover any time now. / / Be right back. / He's taking this kinda hard, huh? / It's only at times like this that we understand the true value of friendship. / / 364 T. Goat / I dunno... the missus wanted a dog. / So he's a rare horned poodle. C'mon, only fifty bucks. http://www.goats.com/archive/991020.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 21 / 1999: goatfriend in a coma (4) | Oh Toothgnip... I should have seen this coming. I blame myself. The loose women, the Pop Tart abuse... classic signs. In a way, I understand. The futility of our meager existence drove you to this horrible end... / / The pointlessness of being caught up in a consumer culture where we're demographics instead of people... no wonder you needed to find fulfillment in the arms of Pop Tarts and... and female tarts. / jon... / / Toothgnip? / Shut up. http://www.goats.com/archive/991021.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 22 / 1999: goatfriend in a coma (5) | How's Toothgnip? / He just came out of the coma. He seems okay, but he says he can see into the future now. Like Christopher Walken. / / Die Die / Jerrell will reign over the ruins of New Jersey in 2032. / Diablo will get Spidey Underoos for Christmas. / Cool. / / And Phillip will soon profit from the death of someone he knows well. / Cool. / Not it. / Not it. http://www.goats.com/archive/991022.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 25 / 1999: goatfriend in a coma (6) | No no no... you can't just drop a bomb like that and not explain yourself. / Watch me. / / Toothgnip, who's going to die? Tell me! / You, if you don't back off. / / Fine. Be that way. I'm leaving. / Can you send in the nurse on your way out? It's time for my sponge bath, and I'm feeling very, very dirty. http://www.goats.com/archive/991025.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 26 / 1999: halloweenies and zombie madness (1) | ...and Toothgnip doesn't seem to care that someone's life may be at stake. / Strangely, neither do I. / / So you're just going to shop for Halloween costumes as if everything was normal. / Ooh! French Maid! / / They make these in toddler sizes? / It's the last one in stock. Two words: crash diet. http://www.goats.com/archive/991026.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 27 / 1999: halloweenies and zombie madness (2) | Halloween / Why should I care who dies, anyway? / Well, what if it's me? / / Well, for one, you'll be rejected far less often. Your life would improve in a multitude of ways if you were dead. / / Sadly, it's true. / Here. Use my gun. http://www.goats.com/archive/991027.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 28 / 1999: halloweenies and zombie madness (3) | For the last time, I'm not supposed to be Hitler! / Then why the jock strap, eh? / Stop it. They're not real. / And yet, I find them strangely alluring. / Brains... / I guarantee we have none of those here. / You're all MURDERERS! / Die Die Die / I think I'm at the wrong Halloween party. / My whole life is like that. http://www.goats.com/archive/991028.html |
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