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| Goats comic strip from August / 08 / 2000: unnatural selection (7) | Where the hell is everybody? / Taken away by the Celera Stormtroopers. Who knows where... / / Well. This is boring. Who will I torment with my adorable antics now? / They took Mitzi and Claire. And Laquisha too, dammit. / / We're not actually going to do something silly like team up and save everyone, are we? / Not while there's beer left. http://www.goats.com/archive/000808.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 09 / 2000: unnatural selection (8) | See? I told you that Mendel was behind this. He's the registrant for Celera.com. / So? / / Well, it also lists Celera's address here. / Good thing neither of us can drive. / / This is never going to work. / Hey, I suggested a strategy of apathy and disinterest. http://www.goats.com/archive/000809.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 10 / 2000: unnatural selection (9) | August 10, 3:21pm
/ Toothgnip and I have disguised ourselves as Celera Stormtroopers and stowed away on board one of their transports. If our efforts fail, this journal will be the only record of our heroic efforts. / / August 10, 3:44pm
/ In a valiant effort to stave off boredom, Toothgnip and I have taken to playing "Rock, Paper, Scissors." A lack of fingers on both our parts has made the game rather difficult to play. / / August 10, 3:57pm
/ Toothgnip has declined my offer to play poker. His excuse: "We have no cards." I think the stress of our upcoming siege may play a part in his reticence as well. I will attempt to engage him in a game of checkers. http://www.goats.com/archive/000810.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 11 / 2000: unnatural selection (10) | ...and we should have New Jersey cleared out by morning. / Excellent work, Venter. Prepare two of the prisoners for DNA extraction testing. / / Right away, master. / Oh, and bring two of the more attractive prisoners to my quarters for a... more personal examination. / / But master... / I am NOT a butt master! Female prisoners, Craig. http://www.goats.com/archive/000811.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 14 / 2000: unnatural selection (11) | That's it... we're busting out of this hellhole. / We are? / / As I see it, we have two choices... we can stay here, in a familiar yet uncomfortable environment, slowly wasting away, or we can take a chance on something irresponsible and untested. / / So? / Neither of those options sound very exciting. / Yeah. I'm voting for Nader. http://www.goats.com/archive/000814.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 15 / 2000: unnatural selection (12) | What are you doing? / Oh... Just going out for a bit. / / And where exactly were you planning on going? / We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue. / / and then, I suppose, You'll take it higher. / Most likely. http://www.goats.com/archive/000815.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 16 / 2000: unnatural selection (13) | We caught these four trying to escape the prisoner camp. / Excellent work. Bring the males down to the labs and prep them. / / And the females? / Up to Mendel's private quarters... Jabba treatment. / / Jimmy's not up to playing "Rancor Beast," sir. He has the sniffles. / The gold bikinis will be sufficient, soldier. http://www.goats.com/archive/000816.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 17 / 2000: unnatural selection (14) | I'm not supposed to die like this... I'm supposed to die from hypertension. / Can you imagine Stephanie in a gold bikini? Mmm... / / How can you think of that at a time like this? / Can you think of anything better to... um... think of? / / Ungh. I can't get my hand free. / You wouldn't need one if you'd been doing your Kegel exercises. http://www.goats.com/archive/000817.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 18 / 2000: unnatural selection (15) | Check the door... I hear something. / You first. I'm allergic to death. / / It sounded like a woman's muffled cries for help. / I'm on the case. / / Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper? / Not where it counts, baby. http://www.goats.com/archive/000818.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 21 / 2000: unnatural selection (16) | ...and they took Jon and Phillip to the labs for some awful experiment. / Diablo, I'll wait here. You go find them. / / YES! I'm off to the rescue. You stay and take care of the women! / / So... who needs taking care of first? http://www.goats.com/archive/000821.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 22 / 2000: unnatural selection (17) | And now, gentlemen, prepare to return your DNA to its rightful owner... ME!! / / Hold it right there, Venter... the only DNA you'll be extracting is NONE! / / While I like your idea, I like sandwiches better. Go get me a sandwich. / Pastrami won't save you this time, Venter. http://www.goats.com/archive/000822.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 23 / 2000: unnatural selection (18) | Time's up, Venter. You're going down. / Oh really? / / You think that a mere chicken can defeat the man with the intellectual property rights over the human genome?!? / Not a chicken... / / ...but the Kansas Board of Education!! / Behold the power of ignorance! http://www.goats.com/archive/000823.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 24 / 2000: unnatural selection (19) | NO!! Not the Kansas Board of Education!! / Evolution and genetics are tools of the DEVIL! / Only GOD can make a tree! / / No man-monkeys!! EVIL KNOWLEDGE MONKEYS!! / I'm melting! I'm melting! Oh, what a world... what a world... / / Now that was cool. / Dinah shore bones was planted by SATAN! / Let it go, Jim. Let it go. http://www.goats.com/archive/000824.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 25 / 2000: unnatural selection (20) | Looks like everything's back to normal... the prisoners were released, Celera's genome patent has been revoked, and J. Craig Venter was sentenced to 30 years in a roll of Bounty paper towels. / / But what about Mendel? / No evidence was found linking the incident to long-dead geneticists, Diablo. / / I suppose you think the gold bikinis were imaginary, too. / Nope. Those are indelibly etched into my brain. http://www.goats.com/archive/000825.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 28 / 2000: i want candy (1) | Whatcha doin'? / I'm drawing a parody of a famous trademark in a deliberate attempt to draw the wrath of corporate lawyers. / / What's the drawing of? / Feces tm Brand Penis Butter Cups. / / I've never seen candy with so many nipples on it. / You can never have too many nipples. http://www.goats.com/archive/000828.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 29 / 2000: i want candy (2) | Now that I've scanned my trademark parody, I can post it on my website. Lawyers should be swarming within minutes. / / My keen wit and inflammatory statments are being seen by millions around the globe. / / Lawyers were quicker back in my day. / Maybe you didn't draw enough nipples. http://www.goats.com/archive/000829.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 30 / 2000: i want candy (3) | I'm not paying for lawyers this time, Diablo. / Corporations are the new government, Jon. We have to stand up to them. / / Parody is the strongest form of social commentary, and corporations are trying to quash it with their fat wallets. Important political statements are going unheard by the public. / / And what statement are you making by drawing nipples on a candy bar? / I wouldn't expect you to understand the subtleties. http://www.goats.com/archive/000830.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 31 / 2000: i want candy (4) | How goes the lawyer-baiting? / No bites just yet. / / It's time to escalate the situation. / / Corporate lawyers LOVE
/ FECES tm brand
/ PENIS BUTTER CUPS
/ We're talkin' to you, weaselnuts. http://www.goats.com/archive/000831.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 01 / 2000: i want candy (5) | Do you know anything about that billboard outside? / I know I haven't heard from a single lawyer about it. Very disappointing. / / That's a good thing, Diablo. / They're trampling on my right to create scandal and benfit from the free publicity. / / I don't think that's a guaranteed right. / Who the hell are you? Calista Flockhart? http://www.goats.com/archive/000901.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 05 / 2000: i want candy (7) | Humpa Lumpa Pumpadee Doo
/ I've got some legal advice for you.
/ Humpa Lumpa Pumpadee Dee,
/ Hire an attorney, a lawyer or three! / Why would you want to
/ Make fun of candy?
/ Speech is most dangerous when it is free! / Say what you will about Bush or Al Gore,
/ Mess with Big Money and
/ We'll show you the door! / What do you get with your arrogant art?
/ Cease and desist is just for a start.
/ The right to free speech isn't entirely free-
/ It goes to the ones with tons of money! / Humpa Lumpa Pumpadee Dah
/ If you speak up then we'll own your car,
/ You will live in poverty too,
/ Like the Humpa Lumpa Pumpadee Do! http://www.goats.com/archive/000905.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 06 / 2000: i want candy (8) | Watch it, buddy. Bad touch! Bad touch! / Welcome, Mr. Diablo. / / I'm Bill Bonkers. Welcome to [unnamed company], my little candy empire. I just had to meet you after our lawyers told me of your little infringement of our trademark. / / MY infringement? What about your midget slave labor? / It's a standard industry practice. You didn't think that book was fiction, did you? http://www.goats.com/archive/000906.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 07 / 2000: i want candy (9) | That river over there? 99.6% pure chocolate. The little bit of heroin we throw in keeps the kids happy and ensures repeat business. / / Just over that rise, we have our rock candy strip mines. We get a bit of lead in there from time to time, but we're not in the business of keeping kids smart, right? / / What about the trailers with the "Don't Come Knockin'" signs on the doors? / Humpa-Lumpas aren't named for camels, son. http://www.goats.com/archive/000907.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 08 / 2000: i want candy (10) | How did you like the chocolate factory, Diablo? / It's okay, I guess. / / I'm very pleased to hear you say that, because... / You're giving it to me? / / Hell no. But I think you'd make a fantastic Director of Marketing. / Let's talk stock options. http://www.goats.com/archive/000908.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 11 / 2000: i want candy (11) | They made you Director of Marketing? / Yeah, it's great. I get to work with kids. / / They let you near children? / Yup. We talk to them to find out what they like and what they don't. / / I suppose that's okay. / Yeah. The chocolate cigarettes are gonna be huge. http://www.goats.com/archive/000911.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 12 / 2000: i want candy (12) | Diablo brought some chocolate from work. Want some? / No thanks... chocolate makes me break out. / / Oh, c'mon. A few pimples couldn't be any worse than the boils on your ass. / Those are beauty-marks. / / Beauty marks don't ooze pus. / How do you know so much about my ass? http://www.goats.com/archive/000912.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 13 / 2000: i want candy (13) | ...all I'm saying is that if a chicken can get an executive position at a company, we should be able to do better than this. / / What pays well and doesn't require any skill or talent? / We could be financial analysts. / / I don't know a thing about investing. / The only thing you have to invest in is a monkey and a dartboard. http://www.goats.com/archive/000913.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 14 / 2000: i want candy (14) | Well, as long as we're looking for new jobs, we might as well do something glamorous and exciting. / / Glamorous like a movie star, or exciting like an international spy? / Like a cartoonist! / / You're supposed to open the windows while you're cleaning. / It smells like strawberries. http://www.goats.com/archive/000914.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 15 / 2000: this is your brain | This is your brain. / / This is your brain on French Toast. / / This is your brain on a llama. / / This is your brain on a nun. / / Stop that. / We had some leftover inventory. http://www.goats.com/archive/000915.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 18 / 2000: study buddy | I need some help studying for my geology class. / Rocks are hard. / / Just... just help me go through these flash cards. / Okay. What's a degenerative white dwarf? / / Wait a sec... these are my astronomy notes. / Astronomy is much kinkier than I remember it. http://www.goats.com/archive/000918.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 19 / 2000: little fish, big dreams (1) | ...so I says to waitress, I says, "Hey, lady, you don't have to wait for sundae to hold the nuts!" / What an adventure. / / Hey misters! I have ventures too! Come talk to me! / / That's okay. I didn't want to share my venture with them anyways. http://www.goats.com/archive/000919.html |
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