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| Goats comic strip from November / 03 / 1997: join the circus like you wanted to (10) | Jon, you have to come back home... Because you ran away, mutant eggplants bit off Diablo's head. You're the only one who knows how to reattach it. / / To be honest, i'm not really sure how to fix it. Whenever this happens, it just seems to take care of itself. The next day, his head is just there... / / Ooh! Like in the cartoons, where the cat swallows a bomb and blows up, but he's back to normal in the next scene! Or where they leave plot lines unresolved. / C'mon Phillip. This is real-life, not some stupid cartoon. http://www.goats.com/archive/971103.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 04 / 1997: the worst joke ever (1) | GOATS presents: THE WORST JOKE EVER.
/ A mind-numbingly bad pun in three parts.
/ Today's Episode: THE SETUP
/ / / I've decided to take a pottery class. It's being taught by Ringo Starr. / Why would Ringo Starr be teaching a pottery class? / / Gee... That is rather strange. / Almost like a setup for a really bad joke. / To Be Continued... http://www.goats.com/archive/971104.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 05 / 1997: the worst joke ever (2) | GOATS presents: THE WORST JOKE EVER.
/ A mind-numbingly bad pun in three parts.
/ Part 2: THE BEE / / How was your first day at pottery class? / Great! Ringo Starr taught me how to make a bee out of clay. / / It looks like a malformed zebra. / I'm not done with it yet. http://www.goats.com/archive/971105.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 06 / 1997: the worst joke ever (3) | GOATS presents: THE WORST JOKE EVER.
/ A mind-numbingly bad pun in three parts.
/ The Conclusion: A CRY IN THE DARK / / I can't believe this! It's only my second day of pottery class, and someone's stolen the bee I was making! Ringo Starr is going to fail me if I don't find it soon. / / Who would do such a horrible thing? / Maybe the Ringo stole your clay bee. http://www.goats.com/archive/971106.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 08 / 1997: studly and virulent | Look at those prissy little mallrat girls with their big hair and their belly-button rings... / I don't think I've dated any of them yet. / / They disgust me. Completely self-obsessed. They think those flannel-clad frat boys are the end-all be-all. All because they haven't met a man as studly and virulent as I am. / / Remind me to carry my machete more often. / Doesn't "virulent" mean "disease-ridden"? http://www.goats.com/archive/971108.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 09 / 1997: pudding hut (1) | I've decided to start my own fast-food chain. The continuing trend of specialty chains, focusing on a single food item, is potentially lucrative. / / Unfortunately, most of the good ones have been taken. Burgers, coffee, cookies, pretzels... Too much competition exists already. But no one has a pudding chain. All I need to do is come up with a catchy name. / / What do you think... "Pudding Hut" or "International House of Pudding"? / I'm not sure which is scarier. Your ideas, or how rich they are going to make you. http://www.goats.com/archive/971109.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 10 / 1997: pudding hut (2) | So you're serious about starting this chain of pudding stores? / Sure I am. It's my life-long dream. All I need is a butt-load o' cash. / / Gentlemen, my card. I represent 'The Diablo Group', a conglomerate of venture capitalists interested in funding your chain. / / 1-800-LOAN-SHARK / It's a typo http://www.goats.com/archive/971110.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 11 / 1997: pudding hut (3) | I need money to start my chain of pudding stores. / You've made an excellent decision, gentlemen. The Diablo Group is looking forward to doing business with you. / / Before we sign the papers, i'll need a copy of the business plan, a valid drivers licence, your eternal souls, and a thong bikini. / / Thong bikini? / We don't really need that. It's just there to distract you from the whole "Eternal Soul" thing. http://www.goats.com/archive/971111.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 12 / 1997: pudding hut (4) | I am Beer. You will spend all your money on me. / I am Pudding. That money is for your dreams... For starting your chain of pudding stores. / / I can soothe your pain and help you forget how pitiful your life is. / I can make you rich, attractive to women, and cure cancer. / / Liar. / Deception: Pudding's only natural ability. http://www.goats.com/archive/971112.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 13 / 1997: pudding hut (5) | Wow! Do I ever have a craving for pudding! / Well, you should head on down to PUDDING HUT! / / Pudding Hut serves you the pudding you crave in over 500 different pudding-rific flavors! Pudding hut pudding is pre-tasted for your safety and fortified with Vitamin ass! / / PUDDING HUT (c) We know where you're pudding it. TM http://www.goats.com/archive/971113.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 14 / 1997: pudding hut (6) | Pudding Hut has been officially open for 5 minutes now. / And we haven't had a single customer yet. / / You know who's behind this? Who's keeping our chain of pudding stores down? Bill Cosby. It's a conspiracy. Cosby and his damn Pudding Pops and his monopolistic practices and his communist regimes. / / Did you unlock the door? / Oh. I should write that down. http://www.goats.com/archive/971114.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 16 / 1997: pudding hut (7) | What kind of pudding do you have? / Well, we have hundreds of your favorite pudding flavors. / / We have tapioca, rice, spleen, severed limb, unwashed panties, used hankerchief, liver, bloody stool, puncture wound, rotting torso, charred baby flesh, and monkey feces stout mint chip. / / Do you have chocolate? Mommy gave me a nickel. / Chocolate? You get your sick little mind out of my store, you pervert. http://www.goats.com/archive/971116.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 17 / 1997: pudding hut (8) | Here's what some satisfied customers have to say about Pudding Hut(r) pudding! / I guess it's okay. / If I could form my own opinions, I'd love it! / DIE DIE DIE FORNICATE / Well, beat me about the face and neck with a slim jim, it's great! / Tasty, yet morally ambiguous. / Mmm... Delicious. / Even better than a kick to the head. / SPELL 'TENNIS BALLS'. / I love it! And I'm not a transvestite! http://www.goats.com/archive/971117.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 18 / 1997: pudding hut (9) | Whatcha doin'? / I'm working on Pudding Hut's computer systems. / / I'm developing an electronic pudding delivery system. All you'll have to do is type in the ptp:// prefix and the address, and you can electronically deliver pudding to anywhere in the world. / / ptp:// ? / Pudding Transfer Protocol. http://www.goats.com/archive/971118.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 19 / 1997: pudding hut (10) | You cannot deliver pudding electronically. It's physically impossible. / Oh yeah? Watch me. / CLICK / / It's not working. / / Why are there unearthly screams coming from the pudding room? / Hold on. This piece of code is written backwards. http://www.goats.com/archive/971119.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 20 / 1997: pudding hut (11) | So, I made a small error in my Pudding Transfer Protocol. Seems it delivers the customers to the pudding. / / / This is bad. Very, very bad. / Not really. It lends the pudding a merengue sort of taste. / Not really. It lends the pudding a meringue sort of taste. http://www.goats.com/archive/971120.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 21 / 1997: pudding hut (12) | This is a public relations disaster. We've transported our customers into the pudding silos. / I think I can fix it. / / Diablo! Get down from that pudding silo. / The computer doesn't understand the pudding. I must teach it about the pudding. / / Diablo, get down here now! And stop gnawing on that man's leg. He's one of our customers. / Looks like half a customer now. http://www.goats.com/archive/971121.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 23 / 1997: pudding hut (13) | Jon, something horrible has happened! During my Pudding Transfer Protocol tests, I accidentally combined the pudding with a housefly! / Oh my god. / / I saw something just like this in a movie once. Before you know it, the fly will start vomiting acid on us. Then, Geena Davis will divorce us, we'll develop and unhealthy fixation on chaos theory, and be eaten by dinosaurs. / / Nah. We just end up with a somewhat gooey fly. / We really need a better special effects budget. http://www.goats.com/archive/971123.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 24 / 1997: pudding hut (14) | I think maybe we've done all we can... The Pudding Transfer Protocol just isn't going to work. / Just one more second... / CLICK / / POOF! / / Whoa. / We're home. http://www.goats.com/archive/971124.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 25 / 1997: pudding hut (15) | Ooh! Look! It's a Weihenstephaner Heifeweizen! / What is this place? / / And there... It's a bottle of Marsten's I.P.A.! / It's like we've been transported to some bizarre alternate universe. / / Whoa... I haven't had one of those since I lost my underwear in Germany. / Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Germany anymore. http://www.goats.com/archive/971125.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 26 / 1997: pudding hut (16) | Wow, this alternate universe sure is a wacky place! I wonder what will happen next? / Wow. / Hi boys. / / We were just passing by and we saw you two virile handsome men standing here. / Would you two be interested in getting a drink? / / Nothing I have experienced has adequately prepared me for this moment. / Or we can skip the drink and just have sex. http://www.goats.com/archive/971126.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 27 / 1997: pudding hut (17) | All right. This place is getting a little weird now. / Ah, Jon. We finally meet. Perhaps I should explain. / / During your experiments with the Pudding Transfer Protocol, we sensed an opportunity to bring you over... to the BIZARRO UNIVERSE... A place where all that you are familiar with is reversed. I am your equivalent on this plane. / / So, then, where's my evil twin? / He's down at the pub drinking beer. Some things are constants in all planes of existence. http://www.goats.com/archive/971127.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 29 / 1997: pudding hut (18) | All this alternate universe stuff is making me thirsty. / So, what exactly is this place? / I'll explain it again for the thought-impaired. / / There are an infinite number of planes of existence. On this plane, the bizarro universe, things are the exact opposite from your plane. For example, in this universe, I'm a captain of industry, socially skilled, and desired by all women. / / So, if you're the opposite of me, why is your hair the same as mine? / Don't get into technicalities with me, boy. I'll send you to the "Busch Light" universe. http://www.goats.com/archive/971129.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 30 / 1997: pudding hut (19) | Meanwhile, at the "alternate" pub... / It's true. / No way. This is not an alternate universe. / / I can prove it. How are you enjoying your beer? / It's quite good, actually. A tasty, well-crafted ale. / / It's a Busch Draft Light. / Whoa. We really are in another universe. http://www.goats.com/archive/971130.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 01 / 1997: pudding hut (20) | And now I, Bizarro Jon, will reveal my evil plan... I will strand you here in my universe, with its beautiful, easy women and plentiful beer, while I take over your mediocre life! Bwahaha! / Cool. / / POOF! / / Wow! What a strange dream that was! It sure is good to be back in my normal universe. / Pardon me, but have you accepted Jesus as your savior? http://www.goats.com/archive/971201.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 02 / 1997: valor and pancakes (1) | Pancakes is the better part of valor. / / That's not right. It's discretion. Discretion is the better part of valor. / Which do you like better, discretion or pancakes? / / Ooh. Pancakes. I like pancakes. / Well. There you go. http://www.goats.com/archive/971202.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 03 / 1997: valor and pancakes (2) | I was talking to Toothgnip yesterday. He said something to me... something that changed my life. Something about... about pancakes. / / And? / And... uh... pancakes and discussion. I think. Maybe. / / You have the attention span of a fish. / No... I would have remembered if he had mentioned fish. http://www.goats.com/archive/971203.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 04 / 1997: enter the fish (1) | Excuse me, uh, fish, but what is this? / That's Detective Fish to you. And it's a warrant for your arrest, you fish racist. / / Yesterday, you were seen using the phrase "Attention span of a fish." This epithet shows... uh. Something. Yes. Maybe. Is it warm in here? / / Aren't you a bit far from your bowl, little fish? / Ooh... I miss my fishbowl. It has water in it. And gravel. I like gravel. http://www.goats.com/archive/971204.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 05 / 1997: enter the fish (2) | Have you seen a fish around here? / Yeah. Short guy. A little confused. Keeps forgetting his name. / / Where is he? I should get him back to his bowl before he dries out. / Already taken care of. He's in fish Nirvana. / / Hey... this fishbowl makes me feel all funny. http://www.goats.com/archive/971205.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 07 / 1997: diablo's internet dating extravaganza (1) | Whatcha doin'? / I'm talking to a girl I met in a chat room. / / Your species conducts mating rituals over a computer? Isn't that a bit impersonal? / Mental stimulation can be very sensual. / / You can't pour hot wax on a computer's nipples. / You'd be surprised how little that concerns me. http://www.goats.com/archive/971207.html |
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