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| Goats comic strip from March / 05 / 2008: the office (35) | [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / Plant(s): / Chair: / Fish: This is excruciatingly painful, but even worse, it is boring. I wish I was trapped under here with a PlayStation. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / Plant(s): / Fish: And Miley Cyrus. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / Desk: / Phone: / Fish: GASP! Oh my God! That was so wrong. She is like twelve years old. And I am only Ten. Also I am engaged to Reese Witherspoon! / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / Plant(s): / Fish: This is highly inappropriate behavior and I expect better from me. I hope Reese does not find out about all this. Dirty thoughts become deadly serious when you girlfriend lives in your brain. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / Plant(s): / Chair: / Bottle: / Fish: It must be the lack of oxygen under this filing cabinet. Yes. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / Plant(s): / Fish: Maybe I'll join Scientology. http://www.goats.com/archive/080305.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 06 / 2008: the office (36) | [[Xibalba]] / Rock: / Man: / Scroggs: We're going back to the office. / IXCATZIN: No we are not, Scroggs. Big boss just gave us the afternoon off to do anything! / / [[Xibalba]] / Drink: / Food: / IXCATZIN: / Scroggs: And what do you have to do that would be better than an epic LAN party in a completely abandoned facility with a case of Black CockTM Extreme Caffeine Edition and five gallons of Cheez Ballz? / / [[Xibalba]] / Drink: / Food: / IXCATZIN: I go to temple. Sacrifice goat to corn god. / Scroggs: Ha! Corn god. Your corn god is a virtual face, ix. He's not real. / / [[Xibalba]] / IXCATZIN: True, but corn god still gets cranky when goat is late, spew hot lava from kernels, set neighbors and Camaro on fire. / / [[Xibalba]] / Drink: / Food: / Man: / Scroggs: What kind of corn god is a carnivore, anyway? / IXCATZIN: Highly competitive kind. ALso kind with many pointy teeth. http://www.goats.com/archive/080306.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 13 / 2008: the office (40) | [[Xibalba (Programming Room)]] / Computer: / Drink: / Trash Can: / Chair: / Scroggs: Okay, here's the deal. If I win this deathmatch, you give up all claims to belief in gods, the supernatural, and anything else that can't be proven using scientific methodology. / / [[Xibalba (Programming Room)]] / Computer: / Chair: / IXCATZIN: Ix can't just change beliefs based on outcome of videogame! Ix have deep-seated faith in corn god for almost ten months now. / / [[Xibalba (Programming Room)]] / Chair: / Scroggs: And if you win, I'll set you up with this female corn techie I know from Topeka Prime. / IXCATZIN: Scroggs and Ix have deal! Let carnage begin. / / [[Video Game (World of Hurt)]] / Saw: / Bodies: / Meat: / Cursor: / Button: BRING THE PAIN / Monster(s): / Text: WORLD / OF / HURT / THE DEATHMURDER EXPANSE http://www.goats.com/archive/080313.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 17 / 2008: the office (41) | [[Video Game (World of Hurt)]] / Sack: / Sword: / Animal(s): / Scroggs: Ah, the Painfields of Plexus Nine. I know this map like the palm of my hand. Intimately. / / [[Video Game (World of Hurt)]] / Sack: / Sword: / Scroggs: You're scrap metal, Ix! You're a twenty-three year old Menudo member. I have a giant sword! I have a sack full of depleted uranium doorknobs! / / [[Video Game (World of Hurt)]] / Utensil: / Scroggs: I have epic Teflon body armor! I have an atomic organ spork! / / [[Video Game (World of Hurt)]] / Sword: / Floss: / Blood: / IXCATZIN: Ix have monomolecular deathfloss. / Scroggs: YERK GRCH / / [[Video Game (World of Hurt)]] / Blood: / Animal(s): / Scroggs: Okay, best two out of three. http://www.goats.com/archive/080317.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 18 / 2008: the office (42) | [[Video Game (World of Hurt)]] / Gun: / SFX: / Scroggs: / < http://www.goats.com/archive/080318.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 19 / 2008: the office (43) | [[Video Game (World of Hurt)]] / Gun: / Fish: HELP! / Scroggs: What? / / [[Video Game (World of Hurt)]] / Gun: / Instrument: / Scroggs: / IXCATZIN: HooAH! / / [[Video Game (World of Hurt)]] / Gun: / IXCATZIN: Scroggs, you know what happen now? Huh? / Scroggs: You're going to gloat and talk trash. / / [[Video Game (World of Hurt)]] / Gun: / IXCATZIN: Ix going to gloat and talk the trash! Then Ix going to spank your momma like she stole bubble gum from the Shop-Rite. http://www.goats.com/archive/080319.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 20 / 2008: the office (44) | [[Xibalba (Programming Room)]] / Computer: / Chair: / Scroggs: That last frag was unfair! I was responding to a damsel's cry of distress. / IXCATZIN: Only damsel going to be crying out is your techie corn lady friend. / / [[Xibalba (Programming Room)]] / Chair: / Scroggs: do you seriously think I would expose you to a woman? No way. / IXCATZIN: You said! You said if I won two out of three. / / [[Xibalba (Programming Room)]] / Scroggs: And we only played two. The winner is indeterminate. / IXCATZIN: Is mathematical impossibility for you to be winner with only one game remaining. / / [[Xibalba (Programming Room)]] / Water Cooler: / Clock: / Scroggs: Nothing is impossible! I ate six impossible things for breakfast. / Fish: Help! / Scroggs: There it is again! The damsel! / / [[Xibalba (Programming Room)]] / Scroggs: Sorry, chum! You'll have to play with yourself. I'm off to save the world. / IXCATZIN: Damsel / Scroggs: Whatever. / / [[Xibalba (Programming Room)]] / IXCATZIN: What is damsel, anyhow? / Scroggs: No idea. / IXCATZIN: Sounds like brand of Norwegian biodiesel. http://www.goats.com/archive/080320.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 24 / 2008: the office (45) | [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / IXCATZIN: This is damsel? / Fish: I'm not a damsel! / Scroggs: Do you know what a damsel is? / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / Fish: It's a kind of lady, right? / Scroggs: Yeah, but what specifically is it about the lady that makes her a damsel? / / [[Xibalba]] / File Cabinet: / Fish: / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Fish: I don't know! / Scroggs: Nobody knows. So how can you claim to not be one? / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Scroggs: / Fish: I'm not a lady / IXCATZIN: Maybe damsel means "lady fish". / Fish: I'm still not a lady! http://www.goats.com/archive/080324.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 25 / 2008: the office (46) | [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / Chair: / Plant(s): / IXCATZIN: What was Fish doing under file cabinet? Does not seem like comfortable place to nap. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / Chair: / Plant(s): / Scroggs: / IXCATZIN: / Fish: Naps are for cowards! I was trying to kill myself. But all that is behind me know. Now I need to consume as many energy drinks as possible! / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Refrigerator: / Drink: / Fish: / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Refrigerator: / Drink: / Fish: / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Drink: / Sound Effect: / Fish: / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Drink: / Sound Effect: / Plant(s): / Fish: drinking / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Drink: / Fish: Too slow! Quick, shove me in this hole! http://www.goats.com/archive/080325.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 26 / 2008: the office (47) | [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Drink: / Glass: / Refrigerator: / Plant(s): / IXCATZIN: Ix think souvenir pint glass will suit fish purposes better than being smooshed into can. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Drink: / Glass: / Refrigerator: / Plant(s): / Fish: Thanks! What's a fish porpoise? / IXCATZIN: Fish purpose. / Scroggs: Your accent is impenetrable . / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / IXCATZIN: It is not fault of Ix he had to learn English from Cookie Monster video. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Glass: / Fish: Part one of my plan is complete! Now all I have to do is stay awake forever. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Glass: / Fish: / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Glass: / Chair: / Fish: This is a nice pint glass. / Scroggs: It is really nice. / IXCATZIN: You can buy them on the internet! http://www.goats.com/archive/080326.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 27 / 2008: the office (48) | [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Glass: / Drink: / Phone: / Bottle: / Fish: / IXCATZIN: Ix think FIsh lost all marbles plus monogrammed denim marble pouch with rhinestones. / Scroggs: What do we do? / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / IXCATZIN: We tell boss, let him deal with it. / Scroggs: No way, man. We'll be implicated. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Scroggs: We go back out the way we came, penny the door closed, and forget we were ever here. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / Plant(s): / IXCATZIN: What this? Drawer is open. / Scroggs: Oh, sure. Poke around in the confidential files. And then we can staple our letters of resignation to the front of a flaming bag of dog crap and leave it on Rosenberg's chair. Because that's essentially what we're doing right now. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / Script(s): / File (s): / Scroggs: Anything good? / IXCATZIN: Ooh! Comics! http://www.goats.com/archive/080327.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 31 / 2008: the office (49) | [[Xibalba (Domain of Mayonnaise, Temple of Grak-Hool)]] / Gukumatz: / Hurakan: / Camazotz: / Lipitor: Tremble before the might of Lipitor, guardian demon of the Temple of Grak-Hool, Domain of Mayonnaise! / Jon: I knew there was something evil about mayo. / / [[Xibalba (Domain of Mayonnaise, Temple of Grak-Hool)]] / Lipitor: Answer three of my riddles and get five dollars off the regular admission price! Fail, and I will tear your soul into small irregular pieces. First riddle: What do you get when you mix mayonnaise with ketchup? / / [[Xibalba (Domain of Mayonnaise, Temple of Grak-Hool)]] / Pub: / Keys: / Hurakan: Actually we're going next door to the pub. / Gukumatz: Do you validate parking? / / [[Xibalba (Domain of Mayonnaise, Temple of Grak-Hool)]] / Lipitor: With a purchase of twenty dollars or more in the gift shop. / / [[Xibalba (Domain of Mayonnaise, Temple of Grak-Hool)]] / Gum: / Clothing Rack: / Cash Register: / Jon: Twenty bucks? / Lipitor: Fine. Just buy some gum. I don't care. http://www.goats.com/archive/080331.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 01 / 2008: the office (50) | [[Xibalba (Outside Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Gum: / Camazotz: / Jon: This gum is terrible. / Gukumatz: Yeah, the mayonnaise flavor runs out after thirty seconds tops. / Hurakan: So you prefer a long, sustained mayo note? / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Camazotz: It's empty. Where's your supersalesman? / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Jon: He's here already. Alfred! / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Sound Effect: / Alfred: / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Camazotz: / Gukumatz: / Alfred: Hello everyone! Tonight's drink special is... oh. Demons. Hello demons. Will zese drinks be to go? http://www.goats.com/archive/080401.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 02 / 2008: the office (51) | [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Taps: / Jon: Alfred, what's wrong? / Alfred: Meester Jon, why have you brought zese creatures here? / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Alfred: Ze axis pub, she ees a holy place. Not for murderous undertippers like zese. / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Alfred: / Camazotz: How provicial. / Gukumatz: We're not all like that. Just most of us. / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Taps: / Camazotz: This is your salesman? They guy is a walking discrimination suit waiting to happen. What happens when he calls Cynthia Martens a brimstone jockey or a lava baby? / Alfred: Salesman? / Jon: We should probably chat. / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Jon: Take five, guys. We'll be back before you can count the ceiling tiles. / Alfred: Stay out of ze take a penny tray! Alfred has ze rippling pecs and he ees not afraid to use zem. http://www.goats.com/archive/080402.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 03 / 2008: the office (52) | [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Jon: How much do you like the multiverse, Alfred. / Alfred: I like eet just fine! Eet has some wonderful restaurants. / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Bag: / Jon: Well you may want to ask for a doggy bag because it's all going belly-up in a few short years. / Alfred: Ze very last call. Ze Apocalypse. You don't have to go home but you can't exist here. / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Alfred: Management sets ze hours. We're just ze employees. / Jon: Help me, Alfred. Help me and you can serve drinks for a billion more years. / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Alfred: Do you need me to wrestle ze alligator? / Jon: No. No, actually. / Alfred: I love to wrestle ze animals. Komodo dragons, tiny finches, ze noble polar bear. / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Jon: / Alfred: One time I wrestled ze Thompson's gazelle. Ees like wrestling ze bag of nacho chips. Crunch crunch! http://www.goats.com/archive/080403.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 07 / 2008: the office (53) | [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Booth: / Table: / Alfred: I would like to help but ze demons, zey bring out ze insane axe murderer in me. I am normally ze laid-back guy. Ze slow-snapping of fingers to ze smooth jazz beat, you know? / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Gukumatz: / Jon: Those demons are responsible for the 2012 calendar bug. They're the key to saving the universe. / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Alfred: Zey smell like cabbage zat has been inside a baby. / Jon: You leave the practical demonkeeping to me. / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Picture: / Alfred: / Jon: You won't see them. You're not even going to be here most of the time. I need you to go to Manhattan Three and contact John Wells. Use an intermediary if you have to. Tell him to pack an overnight bag and await further instruction. / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Poster: / Jon: Then I need you to go to every axis pub in existence and post this on the wall. / Text: WANTED / CLIENT / COWBOY / Our firm is looking to hire a self- / motivated client development / executive with 5+ years of experience / in "lassoing" new clients and / knowledge of the multiversal / technologies vertical. Must have / ability to teleport along the pub / axis ("The Knack"), own car. / Send resume and references to: / The Consulting Firm Formerly / Known as Xibalba Consulting / C/O Jon Rosenberg, CEO / Hellside Industrial / Park #19 http://www.goats.com/archive/080407.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 08 / 2008: the office (54) | [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Poster: / Alfred: Zees ees all very unorthodox. I already ahve ze bartending job! / Jon: Nothing about that changes! You can do this while you work. / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Poster: / Alfred: I am already working while I work. / Jon: Think of it as a hobby. Now get out of here! Go find Wells and a way to get him back to us. Wells is the key to saving the multiverse. / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Alfred: You said zat ze demons were ze key to saving ze multiverse. / Jon: They are. They're all keys. There are lots of keys. Just go, okay? / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Sound Effect: / Alfred: I will keep your tab open. Off to ze Manhattan Three! / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Sound Effect: / Taps: / Chair: / Siobain: / Stephanie: / Jerrell: / Alfred: Ees eet naptime? No. Oh No. Eet eez ze boredom. http://www.goats.com/archive/080408.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 09 / 2008: the office (55) | [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Taps: / Chair: / Stephanie: / Jerrell: / Alfred: Zees level, she has gone stagnant! / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Taps: / Jerrell: / Alfred: Every level of existence needs ze tender loving care. Ze stimulating, effervescent infusion of fresh business plans and steamy personal drama zat keeps us going. / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Jerrell: / Alfred: Zat distracts us from ze stack and dreary reality of modern living. / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Jerrell: / Alfred: without ze monkey typings, ze pressurized soul explodes in za hard vaccum of purposelessness. Like ze astronaut who forgets to zip up all ze way. / Correction: without ze monkey typings, ze pressurized soul explodes in za hard vacuum of purposelessness. Like ze astronaut who forgets to zip up all ze way. / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Taps: / Stephanie: / Jerrell: / Alfred: Eet ees a good thing I enjoy talking to myself. / Alfred: Me too! http://www.goats.com/archive/080409.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 10 / 2008: the office (56) | [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Window: / Man: / Alfred: Zomewhere out zere in Manhattan Three ees a very sleepy John Wells whom I must find. / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Alfred: But I am just ze hologram here! Zat ees all fine and good for mixing cocktails but eet ees crap for travelling. I need ze helper. / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Flyswatter: / Sound Effect: / Jerrell: / Alfred: Carrot man! Eet eez time to rise and shine! Wakey Wakey! / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Jerrell: / Alfred: Eet ees time for ze applied existentialism maybe. / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Jerrell: / Alfred: Zere ees ze sexy lady in bikini here to see you! She has ze video games and ze pint of ice cream and ze total lack of sexual boundaries. / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Jerrell: / Alfred: And now zere ees zombie Charlton Heston weeth guns sticking out where ze arms used to be! And he ees wanting ze brains! Oh, he eat ze bikini lady brains. How sad. / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Alfred: Eh? What ees zis? Zere ees ze video of ze adorable sleepy kitty on ze internets! / Jerrell: Wha? What? http://www.goats.com/archive/080410.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 14 / 2008: the office (57) | [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Alfred: / Man: / Man: / Jerrell: what the hell is going on here? Who the fuck are you? / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Stephanie: / Man: / Woman: / Alfred: Calm yourself! Everything ees okay, sir! / Jerrell: Everything is clearly not okay. / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Man: / Jerrell: I don't remember anything before getting spanked on the ass by a Frenchman and I am surrounded by corpses. / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Booth: / Table: / Man: / Man: / Man: / Alfred: I am no Frenchman! I am Swiss. / Jerrell: A Swiss murdered. How clich?d. Did you put holes in all these people? Like your cheese? / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Jerrell: I've seen a lot of crazy shit in my time. I watched as my mom was trample to death by the 1985 Chicago Bears. I've see a sex midget fight a koala. I've even seen a moustache bleed. Yeah, you heard me. A Moustache. So you know I speak as an expert when I say that this is top-shelf full-on unadulterated batshit madness. / Correction: I've seen a lot of crazy shit in my time. I watched as my mom was trample to death by the 1985 Chicago Bears. I've see a sex midget fight a koala. I've even seen a mustache bleed. Yeah, you heard me. A Mustache. So you know I speak as an expert when I say that this is top-shelf full-on unadulterated batshit madness. http://www.goats.com/archive/080414.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 16 / 2008: the office (59) | [[Stub Pub, The]] / Taps: / Chair: / Jerrell: I need to speak with these monks that you... um... speak of.
/ They hang out at Chili's? / / [[Stub Pub, The]] / Alfred: Chili's twelve. Eet eez ze parallel level of existence located hubward of ze fractal bistro zones.
/ Eef you are giving me ze assistance perhaps I can take you to zem! / / [[Stub Pub, The]] / Jerrell: Are you saying that we're actually computer constructs living in an artificial multibraned brachiated existance space? / Alfred: Yes! / Jerrell: I thought so. / / [[Stub Pub, The]] / Mustache: / Jerrell: That explains a lot.
/ But not everything.
/ Not the mustache.
/ Nothing explains the mustache. http://www.goats.com/archive/080416.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 17 / 2008: the office (60) | [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Mustache: / Glass: / Jerrell: / Alfred: I do not know of zees bleeding moustache of which you speak. But I do know this: When life gives you ze moustache, you make ze moustacheade. / Correction: I do not know of zees bleeding mustache of which you speak. But I do know this: When life gives you ze mustache, you make ze mustacheade. / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Jerrell: / Alfred: Look. I cannot leave ze bar, ze pubaxial hologram projectionator has ze limited range. But you can leave! / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Picture: / Alfred: Take zees photo. Find ze man and bring him back here. Zen we will get you all ze hot and heavy monk action you desire. / Jerrell: Mr. Wells? You want me to bring you the Math Fuhrer? / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / Picture: / Jerrell: I know just where to find him. Be back in a jiffy! / / [[Pub (Axis, Exterior, Peculier)]] / Fire: / Car: / Man: / Woman: / Man: / Jerrell: Make that two jiffies. Give or take a jiffy. http://www.goats.com/archive/080417.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 21 / 2008: the office (61) | [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Script(s): / IXCATZIN: Ix cannot make head or tail of comic. Psychic goats? exploding chickens? Perhaps best left in file cabinet. / Scroggs: I think I recognize this. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Script(s): / Post-It Note: / Scroggs: It looks a lot like that Dimension Shift graphic novel our print division publishes. / IXCATZIN: Look! Ix is in here! And Rosenberg! / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Script(s): / Glass: / Post-It Note: / Fish: / Scroggs: I knew he looked familiar. / IXCATZIN: Ix will be suing for violation of likeness rights. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Script(s): / Post-It Note: / Scroggs: This must be volume two. / IXCATZIN: Quick, skip to end. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (via script page artwork)]] / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Lotion: / Script(s): / IXCATZIN: / One Death: Ix! Ix, you've got to help us! / Seven Death: We're trapped in a nuclear inferno and our sunscreen is expired. http://www.goats.com/archive/080421.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 22 / 2008: the office (62) | [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / Bottle: / Mirror: / Script(s): / Post-It Note: / IXCATZIN: / Scroggs: One Death? / One Death: We're on the monkey plane, you've got to send someone to extract us. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Script(s): / Post-It Note: / Scroggs: / IXCATZIN: / One Death: We think the other team may have installed a firewall. Maybe you can look into it from your end? / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Script(s): / Post-It Note: / Scroggs: / IXCATZIN: Uh... One Death? You're breaking up... there's something... KSHSKH SHKSH... Wrong... Our Connection KSHSSHHK... ...call back on landline? KSHSSHHKH Click! / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Script(s): / Post-It Note: / Scroggs: / < http://www.goats.com/archive/080422.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 23 / 2008: the office (63) | [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Plant(s): / Chair: / File Cabinet: / Bottle: / Scroggs: What did we just do? If One Death ever makes it back here we're toast. Downsized. Transferred to the branch in Pink Slip City! / IXCATZIN: And Ix was only twelve thousand years from retirement. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Scroggs: Hold on a second. Didn't Rosenberg say he spoke to One Death? / IXCATZIN: Big boss must have been lying. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Plant(s): / Scroggs: He knows all about this. And he was trying to keep it secret. / IXCATZIN: So are we! / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Scroggs: But Rosenberg doesn't know that. We can use this as leverage in our eternal war with those premoistened towelettes in management. / IXCATZIN: Blackmail? / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Plant(s): / Glass: / Phone: / Fish: / Scroggs: Blackmail is such a negative term. Let's call it proactive synergy reallocation. / IXCATZIN: Let's call it Susan. Ix always like that name. http://www.goats.com/archive/080423.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 24 / 2008: the office (64) | [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / iPhone: / Sound Effect: / Explosion: / One Death: / Seven Death: / Stan: Superb / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / iPhone: / Sound Effect: / Drink: / Bottle: / Glass: / Fish: / Stan: Heh. / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / iPhone: / Sound Effect: / Jon: / Camazotz: / Gukumatz: / Stan: Perfect! / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / iPhone: / Sound Effect: / Script(s): / Scroggs: / IXCATZIN: / Stan: And look at you two beautiful schemers. So Reliable. / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / iPhone: / Stan: I love it when a plan comes together. / Alfred: Oh! Excuse me, I was not expecting anyone conscious. Would you like to open ze tab? / / [[Pub (Axis, Peculier)]] / iPhone: / Stan: Sure, why not? It's not like they send you to hell for the occasional breakfast beer. http://www.goats.com/archive/080424.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 28 / 2008: lost (1) | [[New Grasslandia]] / Plant(s): / Phillip: / Doughboy(s): / < / They're edible. http://www.goats.com/archive/080428.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 30 / 2008: lost (3) | [[New Grasslandia]] / Basket: / Plant(s): / Gus: / Phillip: / Doughboy(s): / / [[New Grasslandia]] / Basket: / Plant(s): / Doughboy(s): / Gus: You want a few? / Phillip: No thanks. / / [[New Grasslandia]] / Basket: / Plant(s): / Doughboy(s): / Gus: Steve thinks he can make a dipping sauce from fescue and sweat, maybe! / Phillip: That's great news. / / [[New Grasslandia]] / Plant(s): / Tree: / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: / Gus: Is she still pissed? / Phillip: Last time I went up there she tried to stab me with crabgrass. / / [[New Grasslandia]] / Plant(s): / Gus: You can do that? / Phillip: I was surprised too. http://www.goats.com/archive/080430.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 01 / 2008: lost (4) | [[New Grasslandia]] / Tree: / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: / Gus: Maybe you can sneak up behind her. Take her by surprise. / / [[New Grasslandia]] / Phillip: Why would I do that? / Gus: Dunno. It always works in the movies. / / [[New Grasslandia]] / Steve: Don't you guys know anything about women? You have to appeal to her emotions. / / [[New Grasslandia]] / Gus: / Phillip: What's an emotion? / Steve: You have to use inverse psychology. And track her menstrual flow. At the exact moment of ovulation, throw a big bag of Chips Ahoy cookies in the air. That's when you strike! / / [[New Grasslandia]] / Gus: Oh my. He's doped up on Doughboys. / Phillip: How many of those have you eaten? / Steve: That's when the soft underbelly is exposed. Make sure you use the Ice Beam. Understand? http://www.goats.com/archive/080501.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 05 / 2008: lost (5) | [[New Grasslandia]] / Doughboy(s): / Gus: Maybe we shouldn't be eating these. / Steve: Maybe Doughboys have a soul. / / [[New Grasslandia]] / Doughboy(s): / Gus: How could you tell? / Steve: You weigh 'em, burn 'em up and then weigh the ashes. The difference in weight is where the soul was. / Gus: Awesome! Let's do it! / / [[Nowhere (all black)]] / Text: Twelve minutes later / / [[New Grasslandia]] / Balance: / ashes: / Doughboy(s): / Gus: Doughboy souls weigh about two ounces. / Steve: That barely counts as a soul. / / [[New Grasslandia]] / Balance: / Doughboy(s): / Gus: It's more like a condiment than a soul. / Steve: Elvis? / / [[New Grasslandia]] / Steve: / Doughboy(s): http://www.goats.com/archive/080505.html |
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