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| Goats comic strip from May / 08 / 2000: homeward bound (1) | ...so there I was, taking the integral of a potato, and this guy just comes and eats it. So rude. / Aw hell. That reminds me. / / What? / I'm not sure, but I may have left the oven on. / / You're just remembering now? Three years after we came to Earth? / I've had a lot on my mind. You don't have to be mean about it. http://www.goats.com/archive/000508.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 09 / 2000: homeward bound (2) | ...seems that Bob may have left the oven on. So we're going home. / You should take Jerrell. He's a good engineer. / / Ooh. And you should take Diablo for... um... moral support. / Thanks, guys. See you in a couple of weeks. / / Quick... help me think of a reason why they should take my girlfriend. / Not now. Must call locksmith immediately. http://www.goats.com/archive/000509.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 10 / 2000: homeward bound (3) | Lessee... how are we on supplies? / 30 gallons of orange drink, 5 hamsters, and last month's "Jugs." I couldn't find any hand lotion. / / And how are the repairs coming? / Jerrell and Diablo are fixing the last of the damage that Sex Dwarf did. / / Die die die fornicate / No, the fornicator goes in the top slot. The top slot. http://www.goats.com/archive/000510.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 11 / 2000: homeward bound (4) | Everyone ready? Liftoff in 3... 2... 1... / / CRUNCH / / Crunch!?! Nothing on our spacecraft goes crunch! / Sorry. Left the parking brake on. / I think Jerrell needs a new diaper. http://www.goats.com/archive/000511.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 12 / 2000: homeward bound (5) | Boom, boom, boom... let's go back to my room... and we can do it all night... and we can play... um... with light bright... / Neil, Bob won't stop his incessant erotic dancing. Make him stop. / You kids settle down. Don't make me come back there. / Die Die Die / Boom, boom, boom... let's go back to my room... and we can do it all night... and we can play... um... with Lite Brite... http://www.goats.com/archive/000512.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 15 / 2000: homeward bound (6) | Man, it's big out there. Where are we going again? / Our home planet, Tavist V. / / Tavist V? What happened to the first four? / The first three were blown up. We're not sure what happened to the fourth. / / What do you mean, you're not sure? / Long story. Let's just say it involved a misplaced ticket and a very strict dry cleaner. http://www.goats.com/archive/000515.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 16 / 2000: homeward bound (7) | Okay, let's try this again. I spy, with my little eye, something that begins with "S". / Fornicate. / / That doesn't even begin with "S". Try again. / Die Die Die / / It's a star, you idiot. There's like, three billion of them out there. You suck. / Die Die Die http://www.goats.com/archive/000516.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 18 / 2000: homeward bound (9) | Diablo, what are you doing with that chainsaw? / Well, you know how a sawed-off shotgun is cooler than a regular shotgun? / / I suppose. / Let's just say that I'm going to make Jerrell much cooler. / / What's gotten into you two? / Boredom and a pot of coffee. http://www.goats.com/archive/000518.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 19 / 2000: homeward bound (10) | Jerrell and Diablo are playing a game of tag with sharp implements. / That's it. I'm going to kill them both. / / That might make them upset. / They're endangering the mission. And I haven't killed anything in over a week. / / You... you've GONE MAD! MAD, I SAY!! / I've got the urge... I've got the urge to murder... http://www.goats.com/archive/000519.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 22 / 2000: homeward bound (11) | Come and get some, you dog-felching crackwhore. / / Die Die / vreeeeeeee
/ vrrreeee
/ VRREEE
/ VRRREE
/ RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR / HA HA HA HA HA! / / CRUNCH / Ow. Hold up a sec. Cramps. http://www.goats.com/archive/000522.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 23 / 2000: homeward bound (12) | What the hell did you two do to the computers? / It was the "I Love You" virus. / Die Die / / What did you do to the computers? / It was Hitler. Hitler and his army of transdimensional S.S. officers. / Fornicate. / / I have a gun. / It was Jerrell. / Die Die Die http://www.goats.com/archive/000523.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 24 / 2000: homeward bound (13) | Great. Diablo and Jerrell completely trashed our navigational computers. / / Now we'll have to wander space aimlessly, looking for a way home. / Ooh! I can be Matt LeBlanc, and you can be Heather Graham. / / Why can't you be Heather Graham? / 'Cause I'm not the one that lost that game of "Soggy Biscuit" this afternoon. http://www.goats.com/archive/000524.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 25 / 2000: homeward bound (14) | And so, our heroes set off on a quest to find their way home... a quest that would bring them in contact with a civilization of condensed monkeys... / / ...a quest where they would discover the fabled "Hamster of Knowledge" of Kronos VII... / I don't feel any smarter, but it's very comfortable. / / ...and a quest that would bring them into the inevitable bloody conflict with Gary Oldman. / I'm quite evil. http://www.goats.com/archive/000525.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 26 / 2000: homeward bound (15) | If I have to visit one more planet full of condensed monkeys, I'm... I'm going to complain about it. / We need to find a way back to Earth, and soon. / / You'd think someone would open a cannery. / Liquid monkeys are the least of our problems, Diablo. / / Mph. Needs salt. / If only Johnny Cash were here to help us. / Hello. I'm Johnny Cash. http://www.goats.com/archive/000526.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 29 / 2000: homeward bound (16) | So how do you plan to get us home? / It's easy, Diablo. You just have to believe in the power of music. / / So the ruby slippers have nothing to do with it? / Nah. I just think they're pretty. / / I FELL INTO A BURNING RING OF FIRE...
/ I went down, down, down and the flames went higher... / I FELL INTO A BURNING RING OF FIRE...
/ I went down, down, down and the flames went higher... / I FELL INTO A BURNING RING OF FIRE...
/ I went down, down, down and the flames went higher... / I FELL INTO A BURNING RING OF FIRE...
/ I went down, down, down and the flames went higher... http://www.goats.com/archive/000529.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 30 / 2000: homeward bound (17) | Thanks for getting us home, Johnny Cash. / No problem, Diablo. Just remember to keep the power of music in your heart, and you'll never be lost. / / Mr. Cash, I think Jerrell wants to go with you. / Die Die / Sorry, little boy, but I walk alone. It's time I was going. http://www.goats.com/archive/000530.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 31 / 2000: homeward bound (18) | ...so you were rescued by Johnny Cash, from certain doom, on a planet populated by condensed monkeys. / What, exactly, are you insinuating? / / That perhaps you're full of horse puckey. / You doubt the power of Cash? He wrote "Ring of Fire", Jon. / / Country-Western singers do not patrol outer-space. / I should kick your ass right now. / Liquid monkeys taste good. http://www.goats.com/archive/000531.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 01 / 2000: a brief word from our sponsors (1) | Tired of ROACHES in your apartment? Tired of roaches destroying your posessions and loved ones? Tired of roaches downloading porn from the internet over YOUR connection? / Yeah! / / Say goodbye to roach problems with NEW RAID ROACH CONTROL! Roach control uses our new FORMULA X to hypnotize insects and put them under your command. Your army of roaches will do anything you say!!! / I will destroy your enemies. / / RAID ROACH CONTROL
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| Goats comic strip from June / 02 / 2000: a brief word from our sponsors (2) | Linux / Oh god!! It's LINUX! All you Linux fanboys, go wild! / / It never crashes! It'll wash your underpants! It'll eat your dog for you, if you want your dog to be eaten! It'll make you attractive and smell good and... it'll... uh... uh. / / Man, I'm so sick of this shit. / No, no, it's good. Really. Microsoft sucks. http://www.goats.com/archive/000602.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 05 / 2000: a brief word from our sponsors (3) | I keep hearing voices in my head, telling me to kill the others... the heretics. It's beginning to affect my job performance, my social life, and I don't sleep very well at night. What's a well-meaning pyschopath to do? / / Keep those pesky voices out of your head with new extra-strength Trepan-A! Trepan-A gets rid of the evil spirits in your brain, Allowing you to rejoin our consumer society. Your brain Pesky skull evil spirits / / Ask your Doctor about Trepan-A today. Trepan-A Open your mind. / Thinking no hard now. Thanks, Trepan-A. http://www.goats.com/archive/000605.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 06 / 2000: a brief word from our sponsors (4) | Sometimes I have an accident. And that's okay, 'cause Mommy says I'm a good boy. But at the end of a long day, I'd love to be able to remove the excess feces from my buttocks. Until now, it wasn't possible. / / That's where SHARMIN comes in. Sharmin toilet tissue removes excess feces without the use of abrasives or harsh chemicals, so my fleshy cheeks remain smooth and unbloodied. And it's made from all-natural baby skin, so you know it's good for the environment. / / SHARMIN
/ Made baby-soft 'cause it's made from babies. / It feels good. http://www.goats.com/archive/000606.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 07 / 2000: a brief word from our sponsors (5) | Now playing at the cinemultiplex:
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/ Kevin Costner stars in this $200 million legal thriller set in a post-nuclear 1776 America. / I'll sue you, mutant Redcoats! http://www.goats.com/archive/000607.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 08 / 2000: a brief word from our sponsors (6) | I'm bored. / Me too. / Hey kids! I'm Beefy the Elf! Follow me to MeatTart Land!! / / MeatTart land?? / That's right! It's the magical place where everything is made of MeatTarts candy! / It's like chewing on a lemon cow! / / I like MeatTarts 'cause they're so meaty! / I like MeatTarts 'cause... wait. These suck. / Meat goes better with MeatTarts, tart and full of meat!! http://www.goats.com/archive/000608.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 09 / 2000: reunion (1) | An invitation to our college reunion has arrived. / It's been five years already? / / Give or take a few alcoholic comas. / Great. Rehashing painful memories with people you've chosen not to keep in touch with. They might as well call it "Masochist Dredge-Fest." / / So I should make reservations, then? / Yeah, sure. http://www.goats.com/archive/000609.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 19 / 2000: reunion (2) | I don't know if I can handle this reunion... too many memories. / Why does all women's advertising prey on women's insecurities? / / My ex will be there... with her new husband. / Do they think that making someone feel bad about themselves will help sell their product? / / Phillip's exes will be there, too. / I guess I'll be joining you boys, then. http://www.goats.com/archive/000619.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 20 / 2000: reunion (3) | ...so Lauren invited herself to the reunion. That's going to throw off the whole weekend. / Busted. / / You should come too, you know. / Why, so I can hang out in cheesy college bars with you and your homoerotic frat buddies? / / Desperate, aging sorority girls. / Give me ten minutes to pack. http://www.goats.com/archive/000620.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 21 / 2000: reunion (4) | Toph! What are you doing here? / Hey jon. I was wondering if I could catch a ride to reunion. / / I haven't seen you in, like, two years. / I... um. I was in a coma. Didn't you come visit? / / Oh. Yeah. All the time. You'll have to ride with the goat in your lap. / Coma patients traditionally get "shotgun". http://www.goats.com/archive/000621.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 22 / 2000: reunion (5) | Have you ever noticed that every stand-up comedian has a Ted Kennedy-Chappaquiddick joke in their repetoir? / Actually, yeah... I have. / / I wonder why they're so prevalent. / Probably 'cause he's going to be dead soon. The jokes won't be fresh anymore. / Like Mary Jo Kopechne. / / That's horrible. / Yeah. I know. http://www.goats.com/archive/000622.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 23 / 2000: reunion (6) | My arms are melting. They won't stop melting. / Your arms are fine, Phillip. / / Why does the government make my arms melt? / Because you're not supposed to put a gas pump in your face and inhale deeply. / / Beetles are made from Saran Wrap. / Yes, Phillip. / Anyone got a light? http://www.goats.com/archive/000623.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 26 / 2000: reunion (7) | At a rest stop on I-80... / Sir, your establishment is called "Hot and Crusty", yes? / / Yeah. / While that's unfortunate in and of itself, it creates certain expectatations. My croissant is not hot, and moderately crusty at best. / / Uh. Okay. / "Hot and crusty". Sounds like a pair of mircrowaved jockey shorts. / Lauren, stop that. People are trying to enjoy their McNuggets. http://www.goats.com/archive/000626.html |
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