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| Goats comic strip from August / 05 / 2004: doodletown (16) | Uh. Hi there. I'm looking for a chicken. Seen any lately? / / All who come to seek the aid of Eldress Elsabeth are looking for something. But not all know what it is they are truely seeking. / / No, I'm pretty sure I'm in search of a chicken. / If a chicken is to be found, we will find it on the Hitachi. http://www.goats.com/archive/040805.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 09 / 2004: doodletown (17) | Look deep into the Hitachi. But not so close that you hurt your eyes. / / Inside you will see the thing that it is that you are searching for. Unless you are searching for "The Sopranos". / / We don't get cable. / You're not going to try to get me to watch "Buffy", are you? Because this ploy didn't work for my boyfriend, and it's not going to work for you either. http://www.goats.com/archive/040809.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 10 / 2004: doodletown (18) | What is this? This isn't Diablo. It's.... It's me. Where did you get a tape of me? / / Picture of a 12 year old Megan in her bedroom, kneeling on the bed, ready to sneak out the window and run away, with her posessions in her backpack. / From when I was twelve. And running away from home. / / My Little Pony Hi-Top sneakers? / Quiet. http://www.goats.com/archive/040810.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 11 / 2004: doodletown (19) | This is a joke, right? Or a hallucination. Either one is fine, I'm not picky. / Look! The picture has CHANGED. / / Megan walking away from her house with duffle bag on shoulder. Her father is consoling Megan's crying mother as they both stand in the front doorway. / That's me, leaving home for college. / / And that's me boarding a plane to teach in Japan... And me leaving Japan for Washington... And me leaving Washington for New York... / I am beginning to sense a PATTERN! http://www.goats.com/archive/040811.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 12 / 2004: doodletown (20) | You sense a pattern. / The Hitachi shows you searching endlessly for something you have not yet found. / / It is not DESPITE your travels that you have not found the object of your quest, but BECAUSE of them. / / This is the part where you tell me to go fight Darth Vader in the tree cave, right? / It is stability that you seek. It is a place to call HOME. http://www.goats.com/archive/040812.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 16 / 2004: doodletown (21) | Look, this has ben fun, but... well, no. It hasn't been fun. It's been creepy and I really should be going. / See? You are always LEAVING. / / There is no need to leave, though. Not this time. You can make your home here with us, in Doodletown. Stay here and I promise you will not go wandering again. / / Yes. You... you're right. I'll stay. I'll stay forever. http://www.goats.com/archive/040816.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 17 / 2004: doodletown (22) | Diablo! C'mon! I don't have time for this. What do you want? A bribe? / / What is it you want this time? Money? Power? Because you're not getting me to sing Stephen Sondheim tunes again. Ever. / / Okay, one song, and nothing from "West Side Story". Fine. You win. "I Feel Pretty." But no recording devices. http://www.goats.com/archive/040817.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 18 / 2004: doodletown (23) | I feel pretty! Oh, so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and bright! And I pity... any girl who isn't me tonight. / / See the pretty girl in that mirror there? Who can that attractive girl be? Such a pretty face! Such a pretty dress! Such a pretty smi... Oh. / / I will never know such joy. http://www.goats.com/archive/040818.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 19 / 2004: doodletown (24) | I have been assigned to poultry location duty. / You and me both. Find anything. / / I have found the heart of darkness. / Of course you have. / / Also I have found some twigs and a girl sitting next to a stump talking to herself. / Twigs, eh? http://www.goats.com/archive/040819.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 23 / 2004: doodletown (25) | The girl is just ahead in the clearing. / Oh boy. / / Would you care for some more tea, Eldress Elsabeth. / / Holy cow that tea is made from a squirrel. / I think my girlfriend is broken. http://www.goats.com/archive/040823.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 24 / 2004: doodletown (26) | Hey there baby. Come here often? / Oh, hello Jon. I live here now. / / You live in this abandoned graveyard. / And you have an illuminated lemon. / / Touche. / Come help me gussy up these tombstones. I bought some crepe party streamers. http://www.goats.com/archive/040824.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 25 / 2004: doodletown (27) | C'mon Megan. Something's not quite right here. We need to get you home. / This is my home now. / / EMMA SMITH
/ 18 - 1820
/ LAKE / NATHA
/ 1823 / I'm tired of moving from place to place. I'm tired of not knowing where I'm going to be next. I want permanence, Jon. I want something stable. These people have been here for hundreds of years. / / CALEB TULL
/ 1790 - 1846
/ BELOVED SCHOOLTEACHER AND SON / They seem to have very little choice in the matter. / I wish my girlfriend lived in a graveyard. http://www.goats.com/archive/040825.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 26 / 2004: doodletown (28) | Look, Megan, I know we haven't had the easiest time of it since you moved in with me, what with the nippeless kidnappers and space mummies and whatnot. Stability is a tough thing to find in New York. / / But for me, at least, home isn't where you are. It's about where your heart belongs. And my heart belongs with you. If you want to live here, in this creepy graveyard, then I'm going to be here by your side. This is my home too. / / Okay. / Overwhelming guilt and sentimentality didn't work. I must be losing my touch. http://www.goats.com/archive/040826.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 30 / 2004: doodletown (29) | Well, I'm out of ideas. Can you think of anything? / Hold me in front of her eyes. / / / Wha... Where am I? Jon? / It worked! Nice trick! / I learned that one from Doug Henning. http://www.goats.com/archive/040830.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 31 / 2004: doodletown (30) | There was a town here... the schoolteacher... and Eldress Elsabeth... / You haven't eaten any strange forest mushrooms, have you? / / No, you prick! It was all here! / I believe you. All the same, maybe we should just go find Phillip and get out of here before Brigadoon returns. / / Maybe you're right. Let's go home. http://www.goats.com/archive/040831.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 01 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) (1) | Also, Morrissey likes to spend has spare time gardening. Not many people know that. / Clear proof our educational system has failed us. / Wha... What are you doing here? / / I'm recording my new hit album, Jon is a dumbass who asks too many questions. / Guess who murdered Diablo again? http://www.goats.com/archive/040901.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 02 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) (2) | You murdered Diablo? Again? / Ah, Jon. Always jumping to conclusions. Those aren't the questions you should be asking. / / Are you saying that there are extenuating circumstances to this murder? / No. I'm saying your questions are boring. / / A more interesting question might be, "Can you inject whiskey into hot dogs?" / I think we'd all like to know the answer to that. http://www.goats.com/archive/040902.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 07 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) (3) | Let's think about this reasonably, Jon. / Maybe you could inject whiskey directly into the animals that hot dogs are made of. / / Reasonably? This isn't some political discussion. It's not a partisan issue we're talking about. Murder is pretty much universally agreed upon as being a bad habit. / / It's not that I have a lot of bad habits. I just don't have any good ones with which to contrast them. / Questions are really tough, you know? http://www.goats.com/archive/040907.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 08 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) (4) | So where did you bury the body? / Wait a second. I have a question. If you're trying to eat as many eggs as possible, should you eat them whole or scrambled? / / Whole eggs would be difficult to pass. / But they're designed to be passed out of a chicken. / I'd like to think that my colon is stronger than a chicken. / / C'mon guys. Let's stop stalling and go dig up Diablo's corpse. / Good idea. We need some hard, scientific comparisons. http://www.goats.com/archive/040908.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 09 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) (5) | So I must say, Toothgnip, I do find it somewhat curious that you would show up here, in the middle of the woods, to murder Diablo under completely random cicumstances, after having been strangely absent for the past ten months. / / I understand your curiosity. It's quite a tale how I came to be here right now. One filled with romance and ladies from distant lands. One filled with equal parts courage and betrayal. And maybe... just maybe... a little bit of Hollywood magic. / / You know, we could just bury him here next to the chicken. I've already dug the hole. / It is a very nice hole. http://www.goats.com/archive/040909.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 13 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) (6) | Our story begins last Halloween, when a blood-red moon hung in the sky, draping the city in a shroud of ill omen. / / Toothgnip! You gotta come see this. It's worse than that site where the naked guy's butt is all opened up. / / I really didn't need to see Hilter's nipple today. / I think I'm going to buy him something off his wishlist. http://www.goats.com/archive/040913.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 14 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) (7) | You read this disgusting stuff? / Yeah, I dig Hitler. I hit his homepage like five or six times a day. / / How could you dig HITLER? Hitler is a horrible person, wholly unlike our current president, whom I fully endorse and support, and who also is an awesome partier. / FREEDOM OIL EMPIRE / / Bush is fairly evil. Maybe not Hitler evil, but not everyone can be that innovative. / Traitorous bastard! I challenge you to a TRUTH DUEL! http://www.goats.com/archive/040914.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 15 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) (8) | A truth duel? You mean a debate? / Not a debate. I propose that we settle our disagreement by determining the truth, and using that as our standard of measurement. / / How innovative! Will we be using facts? / We will go and ask the president, who is totally nonpartisan and unbiased, whether or not he is evil. / / As this is a duel, I imagine there is a forfeit for the loser. / Whoever loses must leave New York...forever. http://www.goats.com/archive/040915.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 16 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) (9) | Howdy, Mister President! / Well shee-it, if it isn't my two favorite good-time boys! What're you guys doing here? / / Wait a second there, chicken buddy. Aren't you supposed to be dead? / In the current timeline, Mr. President. This is a flashback. / / Aw hell. I didn't ruin it, did I? / You didn't remember my birthday, either. http://www.goats.com/archive/040916.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 20 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) (10) | Mister President, you already know I completely and wholeheartedly support you in this time of eternal war and terror. / Me too. I'm a huge fan. / / I would never dare to question your vision and leadership. But in order to prove you virtue and infallibility to a faithless world full of hippies and ethnic types, we need to ask you something. / / So. Are you evil? / Hee hee. Well, that's an excellent question. http://www.goats.com/archive/040920.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 21 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) (11) | You want to know if I'm evil? Well, first we need to define evil. To understand it. We need to force it out of it's hidey cave, like we're doin' to all those terrorists over there. / / If evil means that I care enough about this country to obliterate the rest of the world, one undeveloped nation at a time, then maybe I am just a bit evil. / / But also maybe it's the sort of evil that's God's work, too, you know? / I totally buy that. http://www.goats.com/archive/040921.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 22 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) (12) | Who would have thought a president could be evil? / Aren't you worried about democracy befouling your glorious reign? / / Oh, that old thing. See, we don't even gotta worry about that no more. Donny Rumsfeld just gave me this really neat gizmo that erases people's memories. He found it in an open drawer down at N.S.A. research and development. / / I like to call it the "Justice Stick". Onna account of it sounds like something a superhero might use to spread justice n' stuff. http://www.goats.com/archive/040922.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 23 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) (13) | Remember Bin Laden? 'member that lyin' we did about the W.M.D.s? AWOL from the Guard 'cause I was on a six-month coke bender? "Mission Complete"? The pretzel thing? Of course you don't. That's cause we got this doodad here. Hee hee whoo doggie! / / BEEP BEEP BEEP / WATCH THIS! / / Kerry is a flip-flopper. / Kerry is a flip-flopper. / I fucking LOVE this thing. http://www.goats.com/archive/040923.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 27 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) (14) | Flip-flopper. Flip-flopper. Swift boat. / Impressive gizmo you've got there. / / Don't really need it. After all, we own the voting machines. But it's so much goddamn fun. / Purple heart. Flip-flopper. / / If I press this button I can make him think he is a chicken. / That's too recursive for me to even think about. http://www.goats.com/archive/040927.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 28 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) (15) | Well, I think it's fair to say that I've won our little wager. I expect you to vacate the state immediately, my ungulate friend. / / I sure am glad I could help you two cowpokes out. If anyone needs me, I will be in my chambers.
/ Conducting experiments. / / chambers http://www.goats.com/archive/040928.html |
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