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| Goats comic strip from October / 30 / 2002: for cod and country (4) | Well, I finally popped the question, and Maurice said yes! We're getting married! / / I hate to break it to you, but I don't think gay fish marriage has been legalized in New York. / Savages. How aboot Canada? / / Yes, but there, it's socialized gay fish marriage. / That's fine with us. Maurice is a Trotskyist. http://www.goats.com/archive/021030.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 01 / 2002: for cod and country (5) | I've been reading up on this Canada place, and it sounds great! / I hear they have bears. / / But that's not the only good thing about Canada! They have lax morals and almost no ethics to speak of. They'll let you do just about anything if it'll piss off the U.S. Government. / / Do you think they'd let us breed a race of superintelligent pot-smoking stem cells? / We'd be fools not to try. http://www.goats.com/archive/021101.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 04 / 2002: for cod and country (6) | The real problem with Canada is that it's too far away. / I suggest we lobby to have Canada moved closer to the United States. / / Won't that piss off the people living there? / Who cares? They're Canadians. / / CANADA RELOCATED OUTSIDE NEW YORK CITY
/ East Village Residents Protest Idyllic Tranquility, Maple Syrup / New York residents advised to yield / on subway / to angry bears, / hockey players http://www.goats.com/archive/021104.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 06 / 2002: for cod and country (7) | When did you learn to read? / Look at this hoopla. Goddamn Canadians, always ruining our way of life. / / And what way of life is that? / Manifest destiny. Strip malls. The things that separate us from dirty foreigners. / / You're from Sweden, Phillip. / Canadians aren't born, you know. They're hatched from pods. http://www.goats.com/archive/021106.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 08 / 2002: for cod and country (8) | Canucks go home / Better dead than red / Eat my butt / Keith Shellac here, with a man whom some would call... Canadian. Hello, sir. / Where am I? / / Bacon ain't round / Pick a goddamn language / Your country was relocated to Manhattan. How does that make you feel? / I was eating waffles. Where did my waffles go? / / Maybe the Canadian ate your baby / Hi mom / Is it true that Canadians live off the blood of timberwolves? / No, just the waffles. http://www.goats.com/archive/021108.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 11 / 2002: for cod and country (9) | How can you call yourselves a civilized nation if you only solve your disputes through violence and conflict? / Yo, take that back or I'll mess you up. / / Please, good people. Violence among your kind can only lead to ruin and despair. Open your hearts and hear my words, for only they can save you. / / What the hell is that? / Dunno. Let's kill it. http://www.goats.com/archive/021111.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 13 / 2002: for cod and country (10) | Who are you? / My name is Bruce.... Bruce the Sleestak. I come from a parallel world where reptiles became the dominant life form. / / My people were much like yours. Although technically advanced, they fought amongst themselves. Eventually, the violence grew out of control. Our society crumbled, and our land was overrun with dinosaurs. / / That doesn't sound so bad. / Word, I'd destroy civilization if we could hang with some big ol' dinosaurs. http://www.goats.com/archive/021113.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 15 / 2002: for cod and country (11) | Thank you, Bruce. Your words have taught us that we need to work together. / Only as a team can we wreak the chaos and destruction needed to bring back the dinosaurs. / / You... um... wanna go set stuff on fire? / Sure! And then maybe we can split an ice cream soda. / / 23 / I need a stiff drink. http://www.goats.com/archive/021115.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 18 / 2002: a many splendored thing (1) | What's wrong, mister? / Oh, nothing's wrong. I'm stranded here amongst smelly monkey descendants while Enik is off cavorting in the Disney dimension. Everything's just dandy. / / Who's Enik? / He's no one. No one at all. / / My lover went to the Disney dimension and all I got was rectal prolapse. http://www.goats.com/archive/021118.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 20 / 2002: a many splendored thing (2) | Mister Toothgnip, I think that lizardman is in love with another man. / That's because he's probably gay. / / What does "gay" mean? / Gay people fall in love with people of the same sex. But aside from that one thing, they're no different from anyone else. / / He's a lizardman. / Fine. Two differences. http://www.goats.com/archive/021120.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 22 / 2002: a many splendored thing (3) | What if the lizard-man falls in love with me?! / I wouldn't worry about that too much. / / Why not? Is it because I am ugly and misshapen? / No, it's... well... ugh. Just trust me on this one. / / Do you think Reese Witherspoon thinks I am ugly and misshapen? / No. She told me that she thinks you're quite studly. http://www.goats.com/archive/021122.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 23 / 2002: a many splendored thing (4) | Wanna know why Michael Jackson dangled his baby off of the his hotel room balcony? / / He was trying to shake the sperm out. http://www.goats.com/archive/021123.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 25 / 2002: a many splendored thing (5) | Dear Ms. Witherspoon, My name is Fish, and I have seen all of your movies! You are the best actress ever. I think we should get married! / / I would be a good father to your children and I would make you pancakes if you wanted them. But I would not force you to eat pancakes if you did not want them. I am pro-choice concerning pancakes. / / Please write back and let me know if you would like to marry me. Love, Fish. / P.S. -- I am very handsome and I live in a castle with a pony. http://www.goats.com/archive/021125.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 27 / 2002: a many splendored thing (6) | A letter for you, Fish! / Oh goody! / / Dear Fish, This is Ryan Phillipe. I have intercepted your letter to my wife. Why are you trying to steal my wife? Reese and I are in love, as demonstrated in the final scenes of "Cruel Intentions". / / Please stop trying to steal my wife, or me and Freddie P. will mess you up. Love, Ryan / P.S. I really am a good actor. Please see "The Way of the Gun" and "Gosford Park". Do not pay attention to "Antitrust". http://www.goats.com/archive/021127.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 29 / 2002: a many splendored thing (7) | Oh no! Actors Ryan Phillipe and Freddie Prinze Junior are going to mess me up! / Could be worse. / / How? / We could run out of peanuts. / / That would be very bad. / In Soviet Russia, peanuts eat you! / Go away. http://www.goats.com/archive/021129.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 02 / 2002: a many splendored thing (8) | I never should have told Reese Witherspoon that I was in love with her. / Don't let something trivial like a previous marriage stand in your way, Fish. / / Really? / Lisa Loeb was married to Lyle Lovett's cousin Tito, but that didn't stop me from doing her enchilada-style on top of a walrus. Booyah! / / You're right! Nothing can stand in the way of my love! / Keep in mind you'll need to sedate the walrus first. http://www.goats.com/archive/021202.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 04 / 2002: a many splendored thing (9) | Dear Reese Witherspoon, Ryan Phillipe is a xdoodyheadx poophead! He also has stinky feet. That is why people call him Ryan "Stinky Feet" Phillipe, because of his feet not smelling so good. / / His feet smell like Marmite. You should leave him and marry Fish instead, who smells good like
/ springtime. -Love, a stranger whom you do not know (not Fish) http://www.goats.com/archive/021204.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 06 / 2002: a many splendored thing (10) | National Enquirer. The best selling paper in Skokie. / Reese and Ryan on Rocks of Ruin. Super Celebs go Splitsville. "His feet were stinky," says Witherspoon. / Win a date with Toph. / / Topato's new nachos diet: "Spring into Nachos" / Witherspoon child left fatherless!!! / "Whoever split them up will surely burn in hell for all eternity," says Pope. / / Tom Arnold grows extra head!!!!
/ Now twice as annoying. http://www.goats.com/archive/021206.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 09 / 2002: a many splendored thing (11) | Mister Toothgnip, what would you say if I told you I knew someone who broke up a happily married couple and left their child without a father? / / Well, I guess I'd say that he'd have to be just about the worst person to have ever walked the planet. / / Worse than John Ashcroft? / Hell no, man. I don't truck with hyperbole. http://www.goats.com/archive/021209.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 11 / 2002: a many splendored thing (12) | Dear Reese,
/ I am so sorry for breaking up your marriage and leaving your baby without a father. / / I do not actually know if Ryan Phillipe's feet are stinky. I have had no direct contact with them. They may, perhaps, smell like sweek honeysuckle wine. / / I hope you can someday forgive me. I promise you and your family that I will never bother you again. / Love, / The Stranger http://www.goats.com/archive/021211.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 13 / 2002: a many splendored thing (13) | Have you seen Fish? There's a letter here for him. / Not for a while. He may be back there. / / Fish? You here? I have something for...
/ Oh my god. http://www.goats.com/archive/021213.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 16 / 2002: a many splendored thing (14) | He crucified himself? / With duct tape. / But it takes days to die from crucifixion. / / From the looks of these apple cores, I surmise that it wasn't the crucifixion that did him in. Apple seeds contain minute amounts of cyanide. But given that he was so tiny, it... *sniff* it wouldn't have taken much. / / Even his suicide was wholesome. / Damn you, apples. Damn you to hell. http://www.goats.com/archive/021216.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 18 / 2002: a many splendored thing (15) | Did you see today's Enquirer? This is gold, my friend. / Well, that explains why Fish killed himself. / / Fish? Fish is dead? / Dead of guilt and a broken heart. The funeral is tomorrow. / / I thought you were supposed to flush 'em. / No one's braved the bathroom here since Jon went in there after "Cheese-fest 2000". http://www.goats.com/archive/021218.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 20 / 2002: a many splendored thing (16) | Jon, I... I feel somewhat responsible for Fish's suicide. / We're all sad about it, Diablo, but it's not anyone's fault. / / Well, I kind of actively encouraged him to set off a chain of events that I knew would inevitably end with him getting his hopes and dreams crushed. / / I don't know what to say, Diablo. You must feel terrible. / I can't get all self-righteous if you're going to be so understanding about this. Can't you yell at me just a little? http://www.goats.com/archive/021220.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 23 / 2002: a many splendored thing (17) | You know, he's not really gone as long as he's in our hearts. / Well, that would be true, except that you killed him. / / I did not. / Wait! Wait a second! I think I hear something moving from inside the casket! / / Really!? / No, not really, because you fucking KILLED HIM. http://www.goats.com/archive/021223.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 25 / 2002: a many splendored thing (18) | I'd just like to say a few words, if it's okay. Fish was a good soul. He liked beer. He liked gravel. Even though he wasn't good at retaining knowledge, he spent his life in pursuit of it. And he was our friend. / / I will miss Fish, but I take solace in the fact that wherever he's gone, it will be a better place, because he won't have to talk to Jon there. / Hey. / You know, that's not such a bad trade-off. http://www.goats.com/archive/021225.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 27 / 2002: a many splendored thing (19) | I'm sorry, Fish. I'm going to make this right, whatever it takes. But there's someone I have to see first. http://www.goats.com/archive/021227.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 30 / 2002: empty nest (1) | He's gone. Diablo's gone. / Gone? Where? / / Dunno. His stick and spotted hankie are missing. / Well, then. I think this calls for a celebration, don't you? / / I'll get the party hats. / Hell, forget the party hats. We're gonna need lampshades. / And Crisco. http://www.goats.com/archive/021230.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 01 / 2003: empty nest (2) | Now that Diablo is gone, we can do anything without fear! / We can stack lemons! / / We can live our lives in safety and comfort! / We can put shoes in a box and make them fight! / / We can get Phillip his medication. / Two shoes enter, one shoe leaves. http://www.goats.com/archive/030101.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 03 / 2003: empty nest (3) | Where did he go? / No idea. The only thing I know is that the "Trading Spaces" season pass is coming off the TiVo. / / Maybe he's treating poor children to ice cream and pedicures. / What the... He's got an Andy Rooney wishlist on here. / / Aren't you worried about him at all? / My TiVo thinks I'm a senile interior decorator. I have more pressing concerns. http://www.goats.com/archive/030103.html |
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