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| Goats comic strip from June / 26 / 2002: enema mine (1) | Commander! We've picked up a transmission from the third planet. We have confirmation that the desecrators are there. / Excellent work, subcommander. Prepare a landing party at once. http://www.goats.com/archive/020626.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 28 / 2002: enema mine (2) | C'mon! the seaon finale of "Tiny Dog Surprise" is starting. / So turn it on already. / / desecrators stock photo / Attention Earth people: You have exactly one hour to turn over the desecrators, or we will take over France. That is all. / / There are fewer tiny dogs on this show than there used to be. / That's it. No more Japanese T.V. for me. http://www.goats.com/archive/020628.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 01 / 2002: enema mine (3) | That man had a butt on his head. / Wait a second... Why were Neil and Bob's photos on that show? / / Oh my god come quick there's a giant spaceship over the bar and there are creatures coming out of it and they're not nearly as cute as the one from that Spielberg flick I... / / He had a butt on his head, Jon. / It's at times like these that I'm not sure if I did too many drugs in college, or not enough. http://www.goats.com/archive/020701.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 03 / 2002: enema mine (4) | We have come for the desecrators. Our sensors have detected that they were here recently. / Do you guys come from... Uranus? / *snort* / / No, we come from a small world called... excuse me? Are you even listening? / I'm sorry. My friend is making an ass of himself. What planet is it? / / We come from the planet "Rectum". / >Giggle< / *Snicker* http://www.goats.com/archive/020703.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 05 / 2002: enema mine (5) | I do not think you humans are taking this as seriously as you should! The fate of the French rests in your hands. We Rectoids have been searching for the two criminals you call Neil and Bob for many of your "Earth Years". / / They have desecrated the sanctity of our great exalted leader. / How so? / / They placed a small fur-bearing creature into his forehead crevice while he was sleeping. / Sounds like he was the butt of their joke. http://www.goats.com/archive/020705.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 08 / 2002: enema mine (6) | We know the desecrators are on this planet. We saw them on one of your television broadcasts. Now, you will tell me where they are. / No. / No. / / Please? / No. / No. / / Why not? / Because you are a stinky butthead. / Stinky butthead. http://www.goats.com/archive/020708.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 10 / 2002: enema mine (7) | I have had enough of this insubordination. We will teach the humans the meaning of respect. Subcommander, go take over France. / Yessir. / / / You're back? / The French didn't seem to mind the invasion, sir. / But they keep asking for welfare and more vacation time. http://www.goats.com/archive/020710.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 12 / 2002: enema mine (8) | That's it. We're leaving. Subcommander, destroy the planet. / / / The End http://www.goats.com/archive/020712.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 15 / 2002: guest week (1) | So I'm also depressed about... / We're not listening to you Jon, due to the fact Philip and I suffer from "A.D.O." Ba-Gok! / "Attention Deficit Order". It means we can't pay attention to stuff we don't want to. / / What about you Toothgnip? / / Someone call a hot female doctor! I've got penile erectile function! http://www.goats.com/archive/020715.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 16 / 2002: guest week (2) | Shortly before the destruction of Earth... / ...And then we called him a stinky butthead! / Ha ha! That's quite droll! / Well, I hope they have fun in France. It's definitely more their speed. / They'll certainly fit in scent-wise... / / BAMF!! / I am Thor, God of Thunder!
/ I've come to retrieve my goat. Come, Toothgnip! / / You see, the aliens are about to destroy Earth, and I couldn't bear to leave him with you.
/ Enjoy your remaining moments. Ta ta! / It's been real guys! / / Well, that was weird. / Excellent! If it's the end of the world, my lord satan should be along to retrieve me any moment now! / Strphanie, you spike the beer with acid again? / / I said...my lord satan...should be along...to retrieve me...any moment now!
/ Any...moment...now! / / / Well, there's one age-old philosophical question answered. / How embarassing. / Maybe time to switch sides, huh Diablo? Judgement day, and all that? / / Do you think Thor was serious about the aliens destroying Earth? / Nah...but hey, I think I'll go home and use that line to see if it turns Megan into a wild shag-monster! http://www.goats.com/archive/020716.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 17 / 2002: guest week (3) | Phillip, come quick. Something is wrong!! / Can't you see I'm learning how to hula dance? / / Diablo is laying the egg of the dark lord!! / Prepare for a bitch-slap, Earth!! / / But Diablo is a male chicken!!! This is truly a thing that should not be!!! / / It is here. Awaken, my dark prince. / Man, that's just a hard piece of poop. Jesus Christ, what do you guys feed him? / Eggs. http://www.goats.com/archive/020717.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 18 / 2002: guest week (4) | Wanna see if you're a guest on a Tonight Show of the future, Jon? / You don't have a t.v. that shows future t.v. shows. / / "Some good news: Today marks the 100th anniversary of Orville and Wilbur Wright's first flight. The other good news - Orville's luggage has finally arrived!"
/ Whooo! *applause*
/ That's cold, Jay! / / Well, that joke's a gimme... / "Up next - the dancing Phil Jacksons!" / I guess Phil Jackson must kill his wife too. http://www.goats.com/archive/020718.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 19 / 2002: guest week (5) | Hey...What's it like not being a fish who lives in a beer mug? / Uhhh... / Well... / / It's not that great, really. Sometimes they draft you to fight in violent wars...And there are lots of boring things you have to do...And there's almost always costly medical bills. / And there are strange odors. / / Really? Oh! Good. / / We just basically saved the life of a fish who lives in a beermug. No suicide for him anytime soon! What did you two do today? / I killed the Anti-Christ. / I didn't help. http://www.goats.com/archive/020719.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 20 / 2002: guest week (6) | Switch to the all-midget chann-- / Shush. / ...No clues as to how this sixty foot goat statue was erected? Frankly, I didn't even think the Yanomami had goats. / / Hello, gentlemen. / What a coincidence. / You smell...foreign, somehow. / / Busy day? / About average. / Never mind. Must have missed laundry day. http://www.goats.com/archive/020720.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 21 / 2002: guest week (7) | We have a Pimp-Mobile and forty pounds of candy in the back. School's out. / Let's roll. / / Well, hell-lo, ladies. / / Phillip, did you rent a black convertible today? / Yeah, the droptop makes it easy to move crates from the store to my apartment. / / The police want to question you in connection with running several red lights...a holdup in a candy store...and two cases of attempted child molestation...And a six-car chase that is now rapidly approaching the Mexican border.... http://www.goats.com/archive/020721.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 22 / 2002: guest week (8) | ephants Aliens Humans Raccoons Zebra Geesse S inks R Beavers Giraffees Kangaroos Dogs Mo enguins Wolves Buffalo Deer Cows Hors ardvarks Weasels Ferrets Pigs Rabbits A / GOATS THE MOVIE / DIABLO IS COMING FOR YOUR SOUL THIS DECEBUARY... http://www.goats.com/archive/020722.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 23 / 2002: guest week (9) | Bush / Is Toothgnip still depressed over losing Suzie? / I guess so. / What Philip means is that Toothy wakes up drenched in sweat screaming her name. / / Bush / We should do something to cheer him up. You know, snap him out of this funk. / Good plan! / Have you ever smelled sweaty goat? / / Gore / You get the lemurs and the hot glue guns, I'll get the mayonnaise and riding crops! / Um, Philip? / It takes more than a can of sissy potpourri to fix. http://www.goats.com/archive/020723.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 24 / 2002: guest week (10) | Klaatu ... Verrata ... Nectu / Forget it Diablo. This Goats vs. Fetus-X cross-over is going to be so damned evil we're not going to need any more Devils. / / But Fetus, their name is Legion: for there are many. Surely there is strength in numbers? / / / / / / / / I find strength in your mom's phone number. / / Maybe we should be aiming for quality rather than quantity of evil ... "Vanish in fiery glow, Salamander! Gurgling, together flow, Undine! In meteoric beuaty shine, Sylph! Bring homely help, Incubus! Incubus!" / Wenn ich diese Schei?emusik h?re, Ich
/ erbreche mich spezielle So?e (trans: 'if I hear this shit music, I vomit special sauce') / Sounds more like Rammstein than Incubus / Did somebody say McSatanism? http://www.goats.com/archive/020724.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 25 / 2002: guest week (11) | Everything else in our relationship is balanced. Equal. It's the only thing we ever fight over. / / Phillip and I had the same problem. I have something you can borrow that is sure to restore peace in the apartment. / / J-J-Jon http://www.goats.com/archive/020725.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 26 / 2002: guest week (12) | Neil! What madness are you up to now? / / My most amazing project ever... The Gay Martini! 'Dry' wasn't cutting it. / / Why's the olive that greyish pink color? / / Turn your head and cough, Jonny. http://www.goats.com/archive/020726.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 29 / 2002: chain gang (1) | Hey, Phillip? / Yeah? / / You remember that time the Earth was destroyed? / Yeah. That sucked. / / I still can't find my Pink Floyd CDs. / Will the tragedy never end? http://www.goats.com/archive/020729.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 31 / 2002: chain gang (2) | You're not still drawing that sill gamer comic, are you? / Nah, I've moved on to better things. This comic is about a pony. / / That sounds dangerously wholesome. / It's about a bitter, one-trick pony who maintains his popularity through cheap publicity stunts, lashing out at the other smaller ponies. / / That doesn't seem like much fun. / And then the pony gets covered in an avalanche of molten cheese. http://www.goats.com/archive/020731.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 02 / 2002: chain gang (3) | Jon says that you are writing a comical strip about ponies! / Nah, I gave up on that one. My new strip is about the adventures of an accountant in Crab City. / / What's Crab City? / Crab City is made by crabs, for crabs, from crabs. / / I think people would like ponies better. / Crabs have limited access to building materials. http://www.goats.com/archive/020802.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 05 / 2002: chain gang (4) | Toothgnip, why do people die? / Because the government doesn't want you to keep collecting Social Security for too long. / / Really? / Yup. Before Roosevelt, people were immortal. And they lived in houses made from giant potatoes. / / Am I going to die too? / Yes. You're scheduled for next Thursday. http://www.goats.com/archive/020805.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 07 / 2002: chain gang (5) | I have devised a perfect plan. / Is this the one with the cream cheese? / / No, that was too fattening. This is the one with the creamed corn. / You could use fat-free cream cheese. / / With the creamed corn, or separately? / Separately, of course. Don't be so stupid. http://www.goats.com/archive/020807.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 09 / 2002: chain gang (6) | I think I have the measles. / The Measles? I thought they broke up in '87. / / No, weaselnuts, the measles is an earth disease. / They're no Moody Blues, but I wouldn't go calling them a disease. / / The Moody Blues? Is that contagious? / Well, "Tuesday Afternoon" is pretty catchy. http://www.goats.com/archive/020809.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 12 / 2002: chain gang (7) | I really think you should reconsider. I have sexual prowess with many species. / You don't want to sleep with me. I have... Uh.. Diseases. / / You humans have so many diseases. Which one do you have? / I have cocoa pox. / / That must be the most delicious of all illnesses. / And part of a complete breakfast. http://www.goats.com/archive/020812.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 14 / 2002: chain gang (8) | Can you beleive the things these politicians will say to get elected? / 666 die die / Can you believe the things these politicians will say to get elected? / / Appealing to people's prejudices is no way to run a campaign. What if his strategy backfires? / die die die / / I mean, that man has never owned a gold-enameled crotch whip. And I'm thinking, "Jeez, how can he represent me then?" / fornicate http://www.goats.com/archive/020814.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 16 / 2002: chain gang (9) | Thanks for taking a look at my new laptop, Jerrell. I'm just not a computer person, I guess. / Die 666 Die / / Well, I think it's possessed by a dominatrix or something. / 666 fornicate / / It keeps telling me to "submit" every time I fill out a form. / Die Die Die http://www.goats.com/archive/020816.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 19 / 2002: chain gang (10) | Jon finally agreed? / It took a bit on convincing, but yeah, he did. / / So how did you get him to do it? / I used, ah, reverse osmosis on him. / / Reverse psychology, you mean. / No. I sucked all the fluids out of his body. http://www.goats.com/archive/020819.html |
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