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| Goats comic strip from January / 10 / 2001: megan (4) | Jon, I wish you could relax and enjoy yourself. / I can't relax until I figure out why you're with me. / / And why do you think I'm with you? / Probably something to do with genetic engineering or transdimensional travel. / / Have you ever heard of Occam's Razor? / I shaved this morning. I swear. http://www.goats.com/archive/010110.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 12 / 2001: megan (5) | Brazil is just such a brilliant movie...Gilliam crafts such an immersive environment. / / A man, befuddled by his mere existence, plagued by an oppressive, bewildering universe only slightly removed from our own, gives up everything in pursuit of hopeless romance. / / We don't know anyone like that, do we? / Not... http://www.goats.com/archive/010112.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 16 / 2001: megan (6) | Back at Jon's apartment.... / Jon's not here. / Neither is the girl. / / She must be some sort of alien monster. Why else would she spend so much time with Jon? / I found her underwear. / / Only an alien monster would wear underwear like that. / I'll check the underwear for alien monster DNA. http://www.goats.com/archive/010116.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 17 / 2001: megan (7) | So you're okay now? No more paranoid worries? / Yeah. I'm sorry... I just... / / I know it's scary. But this is real, Jon. / I think this may actually work out. / / Back at the Goats Crimelab... / I've analyzed the DNA...
/ And it's tasty! http://www.goats.com/archive/010117.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 19 / 2001: megan (8) | What do you mean, her DNA is tasty? / It tastes like strawberries. / / Which is an indication that she is an alien monster!! / It's an indication that she tastes like strawberries. / / That's not enough of a justification to form a lynch mob, is it? / Sadly, no. http://www.goats.com/archive/010119.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 22 / 2001: megan (9) | So, do we have any justification at all to attempt to destroy Jon's relationship? / Spite? / / Not bad. It goes on the list. / And put spite on there too. / / We already have that one. / You can never have too much spite. http://www.goats.com/archive/010122.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 24 / 2001: megan (10) | - in memoriam -
/ "Mr. Pencil"
/ 1997-2001
/ the pen may be mightier than the sword, but the pencil is WEAK, like a little girl. Goddamn pencil. http://www.goats.com/archive/010124.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 26 / 2001: megan (11) | So how will we destroy Jon's relationship? / With Weebles! / / What's a Weeble? / Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down. / / That's...that's unnatural. / Yeah. They're spooky. http://www.goats.com/archive/010126.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 29 / 2001: megan (12) | Given our current lack of Weebles, how else can we destroy Jon's relationship? / Stephen Dorff. / / The guy who starred with Dennis Hopper in "Space Truckers"? / If Stephen Dorff and Bruce McCullogh don't do a movie together, I'll kill myself. / / I don't think you're paying attention to the task at hand. / They're... http://www.goats.com/archive/010129.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 31 / 2001: megan (13) | C'mon, Phillip. We need to come up with a plan. / No. I won't do it. / / Excuse me, but am I detecting independent thought? / This plotting...this meddling...it's just so juvenile. / / And your collection of Rainbow Brite figurines is the hallmark of maturity. / This has nothing to do with greeting cards. http://www.goats.com/archive/010131.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 02 / 2001: megan (14) | You're a coward and a weenie. / Oh yeah? Well, you smell like James Earl Jones! / / RRRAH! / Crunch
/ Rip / / Whoa. http://www.goats.com/archive/010202.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 05 / 2001: megan (15) | Ring Ring / Hold on a sec...that's my phone. / / Oh. Okay. I'll be right there. / / My pet chicken was eaten by a naked fat man. / That's code for something, right? http://www.goats.com/archive/010205.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 07 / 2001: megan (16) | Quick! Get me the crash cart! / Phillip, what are you doing?! You're getting blood all over the bar. / / Diablo's head was eaten. I'm massaging his heart. / I don't think that's going to help his condition much. / / Oh. Well. Wanna split the wishbone? / Sure. http://www.goats.com/archive/010207.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 12 / 2001: megan (17) | What happened?!? / A fat naked man stole Diablo's head. / / And you didn't do anything? / Stress is bad for my skin. / / It puts the lotion in the basket. / It needs ARMS to put the lotion in the basket. http://www.goats.com/archive/010212.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 14 / 2001: megan (18) | We need to form a search party. / I'll get the chips and soda. / / And I have party hats! Enough for everyone! / And special guest Mickey Rooney on the drums! / / Are you two always this incompetent? / Yes. / I can't even zip my pants without assistance. http://www.goats.com/archive/010214.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 16 / 2001: megan (19) | Search parties aren't the answer to finding Diablo's head. In order to catch an insane, naked fat man, we're going to have to think like one. / / I'm not taking off my clothes. / Spoilsport. / Wait...there may be another way... / / Willie Aames came by to see me last week. I ate his liver with some fava beans... http://www.goats.com/archive/010216.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 19 / 2001: megan (20) | Two minutes later... / Well, that was completely useless. / I wouldn't say "completely". / / "Do you still wake up hearing the pooping of the lambs, Clarice?" / Poop is funny. / / You want to have sex later, right? / Yes. Poop is not funny. / What the hell was that all about? http://www.goats.com/archive/010219.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 21 / 2001: megan (21) | Phillip, can you remember anything unusual about Diablo's kidnapper? / Like what? / / Something unique that might help us identify him. / Such as, say, artificial nipples? / / That qualifies as unique. / You were looking at his nipples? / They were shiny. Hypnotic, even. http://www.goats.com/archive/010221.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 23 / 2001: megan (22) | You guys talking about fake nipples? / Yes! Do you know something? / / Only guy around here with fake nipples is Nicholas "Nippleless" Nippleby. He owns Nippleby's Bar and Grill, next door. He my sworn enemy. / / I pay you five dollar to set fire to him, okay? / There's another bar in New York?? http://www.goats.com/archive/010223.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 26 / 2001: megan (23) | Hello? / There doesn't seem to be anyone here. / More beer for us. / / I don't think we'll be wanting to drink the beer here. / They just have low tolerance. / Uh, guys... / / Time to pay the cover charge. http://www.goats.com/archive/010226.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 28 / 2001: megan (24) | You guys go and find Diablo's head... I'll distract Nippleby. / / What do you mean, distract him?! Megan!! / Hi there, Big Boy. / / Oh, this is so wrong. / Well, it explains why she's dating you. http://www.goats.com/archive/010228.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 02 / 2001: megan (25) | Hi there. Love your artificial nipples. / I lost my nipples in the war. / / Well, these are just lovely. They're very... shiny. / They taste like pennies. / / Guys, could you hurry up a bit?! / I gave my nipples for this country!! http://www.goats.com/archive/010302.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 05 / 2001: megan (26) | Look at all this stuff..."The Home Nipple Replacement Kit." / Cool. / / An official "I Want James Earl Jones' Cock Up My Ass" t-shirt. / I've been saving up for one of those. / / And an extensive collection of 'N Sync imports. / I'll kill the twisted freak myself. http://www.goats.com/archive/010305.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 07 / 2001: megan (27) | Diablo! Is that you down there?! / No, it's Pamela Anderson. I tripped over my breasts and fell in. / / We'll have you out in a minute! / I'll let down my hair and you can climb out. / Can you let down some arms, too? / / Lovely, Rapunzel. / I can't see a thing. / Why don't you let down some boulders, or some fiery... http://www.goats.com/archive/010307.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 09 / 2001: megan (28) | Never thought I'd say this, but it's good to see you guys. / Nothing brings people together like a naked fat man. / / Why did he kidnap your head, Diablo? / Something to do with replacing his steel nipples with ones made from my comb. / / Why your comb? / The head of a cock is soft and strokable. / Something Jon is... http://www.goats.com/archive/010309.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 12 / 2001: megan (29) | ...So your liquor license was taken away by nipple racists? / Make Nicholas very sad, yes. I make customers stay and keep me company. / / Megan, we really should be going. Right now. / But...but... / / Now I have no nipples and no friends. http://www.goats.com/archive/010312.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 14 / 2001: megan (30) | C'mon, guys...we can help someone here. / We've never done that before. / It would be strange and uncomfortable. / / And you'd have a chance to use X-Acto knives on your friend. / Count me in. / Your girlfriend is really smart. / / What? http://www.goats.com/archive/010314.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 16 / 2001: megan (31) | ...And so, Nicholas Nippleby got his liquor license back, thanks to his new nipples...... / RAH! / / ...Jon and Megan stayed together..... / Not running off with Nippleby, eh? / Not as long as you keep putting out. / / ...And Diablo is healing nicely. / You suck. / I still have the knife. http://www.goats.com/archive/010316.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 19 / 2001: megan (32) | Well, that was quite an adventure!! / Yes! A nipple adventure!! / / Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha / Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha / Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha / Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha / / executive producer
/ aaron spelling
/ written by
/ joe eszterhas
/ with special guest
/ phil... http://www.goats.com/archive/010319.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 21 / 2001: reader satisfaction week (1) | Goats Presents: Reader Satisfaction Week / Hi, I'm Gregor Mendel. Readers wanted more monotremes and more obscenity. We're only too happy to oblige. / / Fuck you. / / Wow! Now wasn't that incendiary and daring? Stay tuned for additional anti-intellectual rabble-rousing here on Reader Satisfaction Week. http://www.goats.com/archive/010321.html |
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