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| Goats comic strip from July / 28 / 1999: double jeopardy (8) | Welcome back to Jeopardy, folks. Let's take a look at today's categories. / / Feces, Bloody Feces / / Orifices That Begin With 'A' / / Sleeping With the Enema / / Whoa... That's My Prostate! / / Smelly, Smelly Panties / / Botany / / I don't care how low the ratings are, Jim... I... I can't do this anymore. / You want... http://www.goats.com/archive/990728.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 29 / 1999: double jeopardy (9) | Bobo, since you're the returning champion, you get to pick the first category. / / I choose "Llamas Last Longer" for $100, Alex. / / Llamas are renowned for their talents in this sensual act. / / My nipples are getting hard, Alex. / / That's not the answer we were looking for. / / No, really. They're like bullets. / Let... http://www.goats.com/archive/990729.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 30 / 1999: double jeopardy (10) | What is a pus-like discharge? / / Oh, so close. But we were looking for "Who is Ricky Martin." Bobo, please choose the next category. / / What are you doing, you nematode? You couldn't consult with me first? / I would, but someone's syphillis-induced neuronal damage has made them a liability. / / We wouldn't... http://www.goats.com/archive/990730.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 02 / 1999: double jeopardy (11) | What is Fermat's Last Theorem? / / Oh, I'm sorry. We were looking for "Who is Keyser Soze." Bobo, your turn. / / Trebek has become rude and meddlesome. Pass me my blaster. / I thought you had them. / / Dammit. Soggy fries again. / Hold on. http://www.goats.com/archive/990802.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 03 / 1999: double jeopardy (12) | All right, folks, that's it for today's Jeopardy! Today's winner is Bobo, who'll be taking home $76,000 in cash. / Has anyone told you that you have beautiful eyes, Alex? / / Our other contestants will each receive a case of "Cat in a Can!", the finest canned cat available. / / Crispy fries. CRISPY FRIES!! / I'll... http://www.goats.com/archive/990803.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 04 / 1999: double jeopardy (13) | Quick... turn on the T.V. / / ... mourning the early passing of T.V. game show host Alex Trebek, as he was bludgeoned to death with a stack of his own Jeopardy! question index cards. The two assailants are still at large, but eyewitness reports describe them as "short + angry." / / This is so cool. / Gah. / Friends... http://www.goats.com/archive/990804.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 05 / 1999: double jeopardy (14) | This is so incredible... Neil and Bob, on the run from the law... it's so romantic. / Romantic? They're murderers! / / It's only murder if you're the same species. / It's wrong, Diablo. It's wrong to kill game show hosts. / / McNuggets, anyone? / Ooh. / Break out the honey mustard, baby. http://www.goats.com/archive/990805.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 06 / 1999: double jeopardy (15) | Keith Shellac, Reporter / By now, you've no doubt heard of the gruesome murder of game show host Alex Trebek by two New Yorkers who have been identified by police as Neil and Bob Menendez. Officials are still puzzled as to why such a tragedy has occurred. / / In an effort ot get a better understanding of... http://www.goats.com/archive/990806.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 09 / 1999: double jeopardy (16) | You're actually going to an Alex Trebek candlelight vigil. / I... I feel like I knew him. Like he was a part of my life. / / Instead of going to Beerfest '99? With me? / You wouldn't understand. It requires emotions. / / Emotions? He was a self-important, egotistical bastard who you only had one-way interactions... http://www.goats.com/archive/990809.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 10 / 1999: double jeopardy (17) | I swear, people in this country have an unnatural obsession with their celebrities. Did Trebek actually do anything to improve your life? No. He was simply famous for being famous. / / He hosted a game show, which is more than I can say for you. / He only got that show because of the fame of his father,... http://www.goats.com/archive/990810.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 11 / 1999: double jeopardy (18) | NY 1
/ Keith Shellac / We have with us today Neil and Bob Menendez, the duo responsible for the Trebek murder, live from an undisclosed location. Thank you for this exclusive, gentlemen. / / The question the entire country is asking: why kill Trebek with a stack of Jeopardy! question index cards? / Because... http://www.goats.com/archive/990811.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 12 / 1999: double jeopardy (19) | Polls show that Neil and Bob are too telegenic. Viewers feel they're not responsible. / But it's pretty clear that they killed Trebek. / / Doesn't matter. We need a new angle on the story; someone to blame. / Experts say, "It's the media's fault." / / Too broad. That could include us. / "Video games corrupt alien... http://www.goats.com/archive/990812.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 13 / 1999: double jeopardy (20) | Experts now say that the responsibility for the brutal slaying of game show host Alex Trebek lay not in the hands of Neil and Bob, Trebek's killers, or their parents. / / Instead, experts now say that blame can be laid at the door of the index card industry, video game companies, pornographers, cartoonists,... http://www.goats.com/archive/990813.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 16 / 1999: commodore petulance (1) | Is this what I think it is? / Yup. A Commodore PET. Picked it up at a flea market for five dollars. / / A steal at twice that. Whatcha gonna do with it? / I'm writing a web browser for it. / / Why does your name keep scrolling across the screen? / It's hard to write a browser when you only have 32k of RAM to... http://www.goats.com/archive/990816.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 17 / 1999: commodore petulance (2) | How's the browser coming? / To hell with that. I found an old copy of "Lemonade." It's loading off the cassette drive as we speak. / / / Did you hear? They have beer at the pub now. / Don't make me choose between my babies, you heartless bastard. http://www.goats.com/archive/990817.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 18 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (1) | Have you guys tried this yet? Jerrell's entering his "Die Die Die.P.A." in this year's 'Extreme Brewing' contest. It's not half bad, actually. / / Very interesting flavor. It's tart, but bitter at the same time. / Kinda like Lori. / / I don't get it. Could you explain that? Loudly? / What, that Lori's a bitter... http://www.goats.com/archive/990818.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 19 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (2) | There's no way you can beat Jerrell. Not with the amount of time left. / Maybe we could travel back in time six months, brew our beer, and then enter the contest. / / Maybe you could win the "Extreme Brewing" contest with your hackneyed, cliched contrivances. But if you want a devious, evil scheme, one... http://www.goats.com/archive/990819.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 31 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (3) | To fully explain to you what I have in mind to win the brewing contest, we'll need to go back to a dark time in my youth, shortly after the media spectacle following my expulsion from Harvard business school, which I'm sure you've all heard about. / / After a failed stint as a prostitute in Amsterdam's... http://www.goats.com/archive/990831.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 01 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (4) | In addition to the tricks with the squirrels, Shazam Twix also introduced me to a lot of other things out in the vineyards of Epernay. The days were long, and we killed a lot of hours with long games of bocce under the influence of "alternative" drugs. Twix was an exceptional player aided by the strength... http://www.goats.com/archive/990901.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 02 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (5) | Usually, Twix would scare off the tour guides with his drug-induced ideological rants, shouting about how the purity of bocce was being undermined by the Socialist state, and how only Government-sanctioned, institutionalized worship of the sport would ever restore it to its previous holy status. / / On... http://www.goats.com/archive/990902.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 03 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (6) | Saffron led me down the dank corridors until we came upon a cavernous room, filled with tens of thousands of luscious tour guides from all over the champagne region. They were seated in what appeared to be a magnificent underground stadium, engrossed by the action taking place in a small ring at the... http://www.goats.com/archive/990903.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 06 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (7) | Saffron and I took our seats in the stands, careful not to miss any of the action in the ring below. I flagged down one of the wandering concession men and bought her some milk duds. "I have something to tell you," she whispered, running her hand across my thigh. / / Just then, Mendel dealt Samsa a devastating... http://www.goats.com/archive/990906.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 07 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (8) | I pushed my way past the crowd of paparazzi gathered outside of Mendel's dressing room, slipping the guard $50 to gain entrance to the inner sanctum. Mendel sat inside, relaxing in a smoking jacket with a bowl of split-pea soup at his side. / / He invited me to sit down, offering me a bowl of my own. We... http://www.goats.com/archive/990907.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 08 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (9) | I bade my time, hiding out in the champagne cellar tunnels until the spectators, and Mendel, had gone home for the evening. When the time was right, I crept back into Mendel's dressing room and found the door to his secret laboratory. / / The darkened lab stood before me, bunsen burners and erlenmeyer flasks... http://www.goats.com/archive/990908.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 09 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (10) | I awoke to find myself chained to a wall of Mendel's laboratory. Mendel himself stood before me, accompanied by a small army of his vicious, hyperintelligent pea plants. / / "Diablo," he chuckled, "I was worried for you when you didn't show for dim sum today. A shame, really. I had so looked forward... http://www.goats.com/archive/990909.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 10 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (11) | Mendel giggled maniacally, stroking his hands as if they were naughty, naughty hamsters that had stayed out past their curfew. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Diablo, but you'll understand that I can't let you leave here alive, knowing what you do." / / As his pea-plant henchmen closed in on me, xylem and phloem pulsing... http://www.goats.com/archive/990910.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 13 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (12) | Shazam Twix began frantically lobbing bocce balls around the lab, whacking the monstrous pea plants in what would have been their heads if pea plants had heads. His powerful robotic arms worked furiously, disabling the attackers as they approached. / / Twix activated a timed explosive bocce ball and rolled... http://www.goats.com/archive/990913.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 14 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (13) | We were married a week later. Today, Twix and I live in a cottage in New Jersey with our kids. / That was beautiful. / / You live in Manhattan with Phillip and me. / Beauty truth, truth beauty. / You always have to ruin it for us, don't you, Jon? / / Fine. You're married to a frenchman. / And we have five kids. / What... http://www.goats.com/archive/990914.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 15 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (14) | So, please, tell me how your little story is supposed to help us win the brewing contest. / I'm pretty sure that was in there somewhere. / / No, actually, it wasn't. / Are you sure? I could go over it again. / / No, No, that's really not necessary. / I don't mind. / WHAT ABOUT THE GODDAMN BEER?!? http://www.goats.com/archive/990915.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 16 / 1999: extreme brewing (and the twix saga, pt. 1) (15) | So that story has absolutely nothing to do with how we're supposed to win the "Extreme Brewing" contest. / Nah. Not really. / / No magical brewing technique you learned in france? No packet of genetically enhanced "Mendels Yeast" found amongst the cellar tunnels? / Nope. / / Do you have anything to say for yourself? / Phillip... http://www.goats.com/archive/990916.html |
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