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| Goats comic strip from June / 16 / 1999: subway series (7) | That girl keep staring at me. / So we'll catch the next show. What's the big deal? / If you have to ask, then you won't understand. / / She looks angry. / It's important to try to look at the positive aspects of this experience. / The glass is empty, Diablo. / / How's my hair? / For instance, this is an ideal time... http://www.goats.com/archive/990616.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 17 / 1999: subway series (8) | I can't believe we're going to miss the movie. / Just... just shut up. You're unbelievable. Did you know that the only girl who ever told me that she loved me got married last weekend? She said she'd be with me always. Now, I don't even know her last name. I haven't said a thing. You, on the other... http://www.goats.com/archive/990617.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 18 / 1999: subway series (9) | So? How was Hitler vs. Godzilla? / Dunno. We never got to see it. The subway broke down, and then Jon ran off in a huff. / / Why? / Something about forgetting someone's name. He's not too bright, you know. / His ex got married. / / Celia got married? And you let him run off? He didn't have anything sharp,... http://www.goats.com/archive/990618.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 21 / 1999: subway series (10) | How could you let jon run off like that? He's your friend. / That's never been established. / / Sometimes I can't believe him... Lynda, he was upset that I was complaining. As though his problems are so horrific that no one else's could possibly compare. It's almost... competitive. Like he owns the patent... http://www.goats.com/archive/990621.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 22 / 1999: subway series (11) | I mean, what do you want me to do? Coddle him? Stroke his ego a bit? / No, that's no what I'm saying. / / Maybe I should buy him little gifts. A present to soothe his troubled soul, perhaps. / Or you could listen to him. / / Here, Jon! I bought you an albatross to wear around your neck! Now the whole world... http://www.goats.com/archive/990622.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 23 / 1999: subway series (12) | You know, Jerrell, I find it refreshing that I can talk to you without the pretense of being interested in you. / Die Die Fornicate 666 Die. / / You understand what's important: me. You don't muddle the conversation with annoying "problems" or "issues." It's like we have a connection... a... a... what do... http://www.goats.com/archive/990623.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 24 / 1999: subway series (13) | What's with Sloth Junior? / In the grandest tradition of man's best friend, I'm teaching my new buddy Jerrell here some tricks. / / What's four plus two, Jerrell? / Die Die Die / What's the capitol of Uruguay? / Die Die Die / / Brilliant. How long did it take him to pick that up? / Only two days. Good, Jerrell, good.... http://www.goats.com/archive/990624.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 25 / 1999: subway series (14) | Okay. I grant you that objective reality is known only insofar as it conforms to the essential structure of the knowing mind. But the man still had terrible hygiene. / Die Die Die / / Oh yeah? Well, if you like Kant so much, why don't you marry him? Things lying beyond experience, noumena, are unknowable,... http://www.goats.com/archive/990625.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 28 / 1999: subway series (15) | Phillip, I... I'm really sorry for yelling at you earlier. It was uncalled for. I sold my I.P.A. so I could buy you this hefeweizen. / / Well, even though I feel that I did nothing wrong, and further complicated by the fact that I have plenty of available cash, I sold my hefeweizen to buy you this I.P.A. / / Well,... http://www.goats.com/archive/990628.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 29 / 1999: danger: karaoke ahead (1) | What in the name of Alan Turing is that? / A karaoke machine. / / Oh God no. / Yeah, isn't it great? We have the complete Madonna library. The Bangles' collection comes next week. / / Let's just bug out and call it even, ok? / I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sur... http://www.goats.com/archive/990629.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 30 / 1999: danger: karaoke ahead (2) | Only you could something so heinous... polluting this pristine den of iniquity with your karaoke machine. / / Not this time. Tommy, the bar owner, has been getting a lot of requests for it... from one customer in particular. / Who is the monster? / / Ooh! "The definitive Stacey Q". We must get this. / "Two... http://www.goats.com/archive/990630.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 01 / 1999: danger: karaoke ahead (3) | A karaoke machine, Diablo? This time you've gone too far. / It's all part of my scheme to get us free beer. / / Really?
/ / Nah. I'm just joshin' ya. It's just for your usual G.S.S.M. / / Generic Satanic Subliminal Messages?
/ / Ooh. Even better. http://www.goats.com/archive/990701.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 02 / 1999: danger: karaoke ahead (4) | Seriously, Diablo. What does G.S.S.M. really stand for? / I'm not saying. / / Good Son, Sexy Mommy? Go South, Suck Meat? Garry Shandling Salivates Merrily? / Not even close. / / Please. I need to know. Tell me. / Only if you can guess what this is. http://www.goats.com/archive/990702.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 05 / 1999: danger: karaoke ahead (5) | Wasted away again in Margaritaville... searchin' for myyyy... lost shaker of salt... some people claim that there's a wooooman to blame... but I know (doo doo doo doo doo) it's nobody's fault... / Wasted away again in Margaritaville... searchin' for myyyy... lost shaker of salt... some people claim that... http://www.goats.com/archive/990705.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 06 / 1999: danger: karaoke ahead (6) | Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for joining us tonight. My name is Bob, and I'll be your lyrical gangsta for the evening. With me, as always, is Neil and his "ice ice" baby grand. / Hi. / / Our first number tonight is a little ditty I'm sure you're all familiar with; a song about a boy, his dog, some lubricant,... http://www.goats.com/archive/990706.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 07 / 1999: danger: karaoke ahead (7) | Neil and I were doing a show in a bar outside of Darmstadt not too long ago. One evening, into the bar walk two lizards, the Pope, a rabbi, thirteen beefsteak tomatoes... / / Later
/ / ...and as I turn away from the prostitute, the lemur says to me, he says, "but the fish goes first!" / LOL! / / True story, folks.... http://www.goats.com/archive/990707.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 08 / 1999: danger: karaoke ahead (8) | I don't get it. Why did the bald man say "but the fish goes first" at the end of his story? / / It's a joke. You see, he had been talking to the prostitute, but the fish... you see? the fish goes first. / Did the fish get gravel from the pretty lady? / / Yes. The fish got gravel. / Ooh! I like that story. Does... http://www.goats.com/archive/990708.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 09 / 1999: danger: karaoke ahead (9) | I bet I can come up with a better joke than that one. / / / Don't strain yourself. / Don't patronize me. I may be a fish, but I'm not a... um... some other fish. Or a gazelle. Or a marmoset. http://www.goats.com/archive/990709.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 12 / 1999: toothgnip's believe it or bite me (1) | Toothgnip's Believe It or Bite Me! / / In France, the #1 rated talk show is hosted by a rotting corpse! / In my next film... / / In 1872, a man from Ohio made an omelette... from eggs! / / Last night, I did it with your mom! / Tell her I'll call her sometime. http://www.goats.com/archive/990712.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 13 / 1999: toothgnip's believe it or bite me (2) | Toothgnip's Believe It or Bite Me! / / Eric Idle, formerly of Monty Python, is joining the cast of NBC's "Suddenly Susan"! / Oh God no. / / In New York, a man has been waiting by the phone for THREE WEEKS!! / Maybe she lost my number. / Sure. / / Last night, I did it with your mom... again! / She is such a slut. http://www.goats.com/archive/990713.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 14 / 1999: toothgnip's believe it or bite me (3) | Toothgnip's Believe It Or Bite Me! / / In Champaign, Illinois, the parents of two young children blame their problems on the media! / "Buffy" made Timmy a killer. / / Hollywood's summer blockbuster films are secretly written by monkeys! / "Thou art as lovely as a summer day"? What is this crap? / / Lake Ontario... http://www.goats.com/archive/990714.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 15 / 1999: toothgnip's believe it or bite me (4) | Toothgnip's Believe It or Bite Me! / / Esther L. Femur of Grand Rapids, Michigan, is very sorry for what she did! / I'm sorry. / / Alan Slern is the first person in over 20 years to beat the Wiz! / He had it coming. / / A joke can become tired and lame after only four consecutive uses! / Tell your mom to stop calling... http://www.goats.com/archive/990715.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 16 / 1999: toothgnip's believe it or bite me (5) | Toothgnip's Believe It or Bite Me! / / Self-determination is a myth perpetuated by angry, petty, and vindictive gods who control your destiny!
/ / You. / / You will never be happy! / I knew it. / / And you will continue to make the same mistakes over and over until you die! / I did your mom last night. http://www.goats.com/archive/990716.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 19 / 1999: double jeopardy (1) | Mail call! / / Who gets the "America's Most Violent Rodeo Bloopers" video? / Me! Me!! And "Incredible Hockey Fights" is included free! / / You guys have your mail forwarded to the pub. / It's all about effieciency, Lynda. Plain brown wrapper, anyone? / Right here. http://www.goats.com/archive/990719.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 20 / 1999: double jeopardy (2) | Is that it? It came? / Yup. What we've been waiting for. / / What does it say? / We're in. / / Excellent. Jeopardy awaits us. I will prepare the particle ray. / I can smell Alex's aftershave. I'll be with you soon, sweetheart. http://www.goats.com/archive/990720.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 21 / 1999: double jeopardy (3) | WOOHOO!! / WOOHOO!! / What up with the Wondertwins? / / They've been chosen to appear on Jeopardy. / Those two nimwits? I've been trying to get on that show forever. / / Jon, you've been one of the chosen people for thousands of years. Give someone else a chance. / If we were really the chosen people, he would have... http://www.goats.com/archive/990721.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 22 / 1999: double jeopardy (4) | You heard that Neil and Bob are going to be on Jeopardy? / Yeah. It's so exciting. Like that time I went on that date with Lisa Loeb. / / It's nothing like... wait. What? / I tried to take her glasses off. She got angry and grew to five times her original size. / / Uh-huh. / Then she started firing laser bolts... http://www.goats.com/archive/990722.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 23 / 1999: double jeopardy (5) | I think we should go watch Neil and Bob tape the show. For support. / To hell with support. I'm going so I can nail that Vanna chick. / / Um... have you seen Jeopardy before? / I'm gonna take the skinboat into tunatown, baby. / / I'm sure she'll be thrilled to hear that. / Right on top of the washer/dryer prize... http://www.goats.com/archive/990723.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 26 / 1999: double jeopardy (6) | Hi. I'm Alex Trebek, and welcome to Jeopardy. Let's start off day two of our "Morally Ambiguous" week by meeting our contestants. Our first challenger is Edmond Spleen, a pediatric proctologist from North Dakota. / / Edmond, it says here that you're a Junior Scouts troop leader in your spare time. / I... http://www.goats.com/archive/990726.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 27 / 1999: double jeopardy (7) | And our final contestants today are Neil and Bob Menendez, who hail from New York. / Hi, Alex. / Hi, Alex. / / It says here on your form that... um... wait. I can't read this. / That first bit says "anal probes," Alex. My handwriting is a bit sloppy. / / No, I mean... we're on T.V... this... this is so wrong. / That... http://www.goats.com/archive/990727.html |
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