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| Goats comic strip from June / 02 / 1998: chessmaster 2000 vs. the anti-newtonian terrorists (3) | Chessmaster 2000 and his sidekick Speak-And-Spell have foiled the plans of the Anti-Newtonian Terrorists for the last time, Albert. / But what can we do, Max? How can we defeat him, and rid the world of traditional models of physics? / / Simple, Albert. My anti-inertia ray will sap Chessmaster 2000 of his... http://www.goats.com/archive/980602.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 03 / 1998: chessmaster 2000 vs. the anti-newtonian terrorists (4) | Yesterday's episode of 'Goats' featured two panels, in which the only artwork was a pair of crudely-drawn shoes. While some readers have praised the artist for his minimalist genius, others claim he's a lazy bastard. Who's right? We'll find out today as...Readers Respond! / / He calls himself an artist?... http://www.goats.com/archive/980603.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 04 / 1998: animal abuse (1) | ...And two large rhesus pizzas. Thin crust, extra cheese. / Stop that, Diablo, you're going to get us in trouble. / / Well, I was going to cook us puppies in creamy garlic sauce, but Phillip sez he's allergic to garlic. / Sorry, folks...'Goats' in no way endorses cruelty towards animals. / / What do you mean... http://www.goats.com/archive/980604.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 05 / 1998: animal abuse (2) | What's that? / It's a letter from the SPCA. They're upset about the content of yesterday's strip. / / Gee...did they object to the puppy references, or the baby seal stuff? / They want a public apology from Diablo. / / This should be fun. / Yeah. I bought some film. http://www.goats.com/archive/980605.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 07 / 1998: animal abuse (3) | Diablo, I think you should be careful at the SPCA convention. You're not exactly their favorite chicken right now. / I don't think I have any worries, Phillip. / / Look...I'm a chicken. These people are animal lovers. Think about it. / / So, wait...you're a chicken...and they do what again? / Why dontcha take... http://www.goats.com/archive/980607.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 08 / 1998: animal abuse (4) | Is this the SPCA Convention? I'm supposed to make a public apology for my insensitivity towards animals. / Yes, Mr. Diablo, we've been expecting you. / / So, let me ask you, does my apology have to be completely sincere, or can it be peppered with sarcasm and meaningless gestures? / We prefer sincerity. / / Well,... http://www.goats.com/archive/980608.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 09 / 1998: animal abuse (5) | Ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you today to apologize for my cruelty towards animals. But I first must say... / Psst. Hold on. / / Sorry to interrupt, but you may be interested to know that i've just been dumped by yet another woman, and I'm feeling somewhat upset. / / You are truly pathetic. / Thank you... http://www.goats.com/archive/980609.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 10 / 1998: animal abuse (6) | Ladies and gentlemen of the SPCA, I'm here to apologize for my behavior towards animals. But first, I have a dark, horrible secret to share with you all. / / THWACK / / Dammit, not again. Who cut off Diablo's head? / And just when he was about to tell us his dark secret. / Ooh! Save the entrails for me! / Who... http://www.goats.com/archive/980610.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 11 / 1998: animal abuse (7) | I don't understand who would want to kill Diablo? / Pretty much everyone. / Never fear. Phillip's here. / / Clearly, this horrific deed was perpetrated by someone who wanted to protect themselves from the dark secret Diablo was about to reveal. I will use my uncanny deductive skills to track down the killer. / / An... http://www.goats.com/archive/980611.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 12 / 1998: animal abuse (8) | My investigation into Diablo's murder has turned up a number of seedy, vicious criminal types, each with their own sick motives for whacking the chicken. Send your leads to: tips@goats.com / Neil + Bob
/ Motive: Publicity stunt designed to drum up ticket sales for their roles in The X-Files Movie.
/ Lori
/ Motive:... http://www.goats.com/archive/980612.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 14 / 1998: animal abuse (9) | I found Diablo's severed head. / And I think I found a clue as to who his killer is...this empty beer glass. / / That's your beer glass, Phillip. / True. But I also found this full bottle of beer. / / That's your bottle, Phillip. / Yeah. God, I love this detective stuff. http://www.goats.com/archive/980614.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 15 / 1998: animal abuse (10) | I know you had something to do with Diablo's murder, Jay. I'll be watching you. / You ain't got nuthin' on me, Sherlock. / / Not yet. But bad people drink bad beer. And so do you. / There's no such thing as a bad beer. / / You've got me this time. But don't expect your fancy logic to save you again. / I'll be... http://www.goats.com/archive/980615.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 16 / 1998: animal abuse (11) | I still say Jay has something to do with Diablo's murder. / The only law he's broken is the German Beer Purity Law. / / Well, then, The Eggplant is clearly the murderer. / Phillip, The Eggplant doesn't even have arms. / / Thalidomide, eh? So you're saying The Eggplant has an accomplice? / I'm saying he's less... http://www.goats.com/archive/980616.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 17 / 1998: animal abuse (12) | Hey, Lori, did you, by any chance, happen to murder Diablo? / No. / / / Are you sure? / I take it the investigation isn't going too smoothly. http://www.goats.com/archive/980617.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 18 / 1998: animal abuse (13) | Toothgnip, I can't seem to figure out who murdered Diablo. / Oh. That was me. / / Yes, Toothgnip, in a sense we're all responsible for Diablo's death. / I'm not speaking metaphorically. I cut his @!?# head off. / / The drugs...the women...we should have seen the signs. We could have done something. / Like what?... http://www.goats.com/archive/980618.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 20 / 1998: animal abuse (14) | You didn't reall murder Diablo, did you, Toothgnip? / I sure did. / / But it wasn't why you think. Sure, he hogged the spotlight...sure, he took center stage in a feature named for me. But all this is secondary to the real reason I killed him...because he discovered my secret. / / Enough melodrama. Just tell... http://www.goats.com/archive/980620.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 21 / 1998: animal abuse (15) | If you really want to understand why I killed Diablo, we have to look for answers in my past, when I was still living with Thor, God of Thunder. / / Thor kept two goats, Toothgrinder and Toothgnasher, who would pull his chariot. I was their trainee. / / Toothgrinder and Toothgnasher taught me much during... http://www.goats.com/archive/980621.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 22 / 1998: animal abuse (16) | Toothgnasher and Toothgrinder taught me the ways of Asgard. / So, what's the deal? / Well, basically, we just pull Thor around in a big cart. And he occasionally eats us. / / He eats you. / Well, yes. But we regenerate. It's a bit complicated. / Hollandaise sauce has special healing powers. / / I quickly found... http://www.goats.com/archive/980622.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 23 / 1998: animal abuse (17) | I decided to discuss my dilemma with Thor. / I'm giving you two weeks notice, Thor. / Why? / / Well, basically, I'm not happy with my benefits package. / Oh, c'mon. We offer an employer-matching 401(k). / / True, but my stock options don't vest for 5,000 years. And you eat the employees. / Did I mention our 401... http://www.goats.com/archive/980623.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 24 / 1998: animal abuse (18) | Thor and I parted on good terms. / Before you go, Toothgnip, I'd like to grant you one godly power...whatever you choose. Something to give you an advantage in the mortal world. / / How about the power to pick up women in bars? / Hmm. A bit unorthodox, but okay. / / Ooh...how about the power to make celebrities... http://www.goats.com/archive/980624.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 25 / 1998: animal abuse (19) | Thor granted my wish. / Toothgnip, these are the Panties of Potency. Wear these, and women will find you irresistable. / / Panties. / Yes. / / I suppose I'll have to wear the matching Brassiere of Badinage, too. / Do not mock the Panties of Potency. http://www.goats.com/archive/980625.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 28 / 1998: animal abuse (20) | As you already know, when I left Thor, I came to live with you two. But I still hadn't tried out my new Panties of Potency. A trip to the bar was in order. / / I remained seated at the bar so the panties wouldn't be visible. But would they work? / / Yes. / Hello ladies. http://www.goats.com/archive/980628.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 29 / 1998: animal abuse (21) | For a year after Thor gave me the Panties of Potence, life was a dream - I hobnobbed with celebrities, dated starlets...It was too easy. / / The only catch was thai I had to remain seated at all times, or someone might see the panties. / / Silly me. I always thought you sat all the time because Jon didn't... http://www.goats.com/archive/980629.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 30 / 1998: animal abuse (22) | Diablo slowly became suspicious of my Casanova-like behavior. / I don't get it. How does Toothgnip get all those women? / Women make me nervous. They give me an upset tummy. / / I mean, I'm just as cute. I'm definitely more active...Toothgnip just sits around all day. What gives? / Sometimes, I don't have... http://www.goats.com/archive/980630.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 01 / 1998: animal abuse (23) | Diablo eventually confronted me about my strange behavior and unusual prowess. / Spill it, Toothgnip. You're a sex machine to all the chicks. How do you do it? / Hyper-pheromonal discharge. It's a genetic disorder. / / And pray tell, dear goat, why is it that we never see you stand? / Weak knees. My parents... http://www.goats.com/archive/980701.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 02 / 1998: animal abuse (24) | A week later, Diablo walked in on me in the bathroom. / / So, our resident Casanova wears frilly little panties, eh? What else aren't you telling us, Toothgnip? Next thing we know, you'll be sipping bulldyke nipplewhip lattes with George Michael. / / I'm gonna sing this one to the rafters! There won't be... http://www.goats.com/archive/980702.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 05 / 1998: animal abuse (25) | ...So after Diablo discovered my secret, I had to kill him. That's all. / What do you mean, "That's all"? What kind of ending is that? / / The kind that happened. You saw Diablo get his head cut off. / Where are the plot twists? The deception and intrigue? I'm disappointed. / / Alright, alright. So, as I'm... http://www.goats.com/archive/980705.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 06 / 1998: animal abuse (26) | I couldn't take the risk that Diablo would tell the world my secret. That's why I had to kill him. / Of course, we both know your secret now. / / / Let's go to the pub. All the beer you can drink, my treat. / I can be bought. / Hello Heifeweizen, goodbye long-term memory. http://www.goats.com/archive/980706.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 07 / 1998: real geeks don't (1) | While other comic strips claim to supply you with your daily dose of "geek humor", only Goats truly understands today's modern, upwardly-mobile geek. In this spirit, we proudly present our newest feature:
/ Real Geeks Don't... / / Real Geeks don't insult their bosses... / You're an idiot. / I have pointy hair.... http://www.goats.com/archive/980707.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 08 / 1998: real geeks don't (2) | Since we weren't contacted by Scott Adams, United Features Syndicate, or their team of soulless lawyers, we'll take that as tacit approval to bring you another episode of:
/ Real Geeks Don't... / / Real Geeks don't name their pets after themselves... / Meet "Frogbert." / I'll start making the plush dolls. / / Real... http://www.goats.com/archive/980708.html |
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