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| Goats comic strip from April / 28 / 1998: diablo goes to school (3) | So Diablo is just gone? / Yup. He said he needed to rediscover his evil side. / / He could have just taken a look at the condition of the pub bathrooms. What could be more evil? / Well, you could be in the bathroom with a cage on your head. With a rat in the cage. A hungry rat. / / And then, after the rat... http://www.goats.com/archive/980428.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 29 / 1998: diablo goes to school (4) | So, it seems that Diablo's going off to learn how to be evil. / Sounds good. Give me your beer. / / He could be off doing any number of evil things...tremendous, grandiose things, like abusing nuns, or overthrowing governments, or eating fatty foods while writing episodes of the new "Love Boat." What is... http://www.goats.com/archive/980429.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 30 / 1998: diablo goes to school (5) | Hi. I'm interested in taking an intro course in pure evil. / Well, we don't really offer a course like that. / / The closest course we have is a graduate class - Evil 503: Advanced Cruelty Theory. / Nothing for the novice? / / Well, personally, I recommend Marketing 101 and Politics 101. Both excellent refresher... http://www.goats.com/archive/980430.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 01 / 1998: diablo goes to school (6) | ...and that's everything on the syllabus for Evil 101: Introduction to Evil. Your total is $530.95. / Are you joking? / / You mean to tell me that I'm paying thousands of dollars to take a simple intro class, and even though the professor is a trained professional, I still need $500 in books to make up for... http://www.goats.com/archive/980501.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 03 / 1998: diablo goes to school (7) | You know, young man, if you really want to learn about evil, you're not going to find it in a book. / / Book learnin' is for sissies and liberals. Look at me...never made it past the third grade, but I've created more evil than Hitler, and damaged more young, impressionable minds than the Power Rangers... http://www.goats.com/archive/980503.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 04 / 1998: diablo goes to school (8) | Ask away, Mr. Spelling. / Diablo, if you really want to be my apprentice in evil, I'm going to have to ask you a few questions first. / / You're going to be creating T.V. shows that don't just hurt people. These shows set back the growth of society as a whole. Can you handle that? / As long as it pays well. / / I... http://www.goats.com/archive/980504.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 05 / 1998: diablo goes to school (9) | The best way to start your education is to show you slides of the various T.V. shows I've made, and explain their evil purposes. / / This first one is "The Love Boat." Not only was it vapid and brainless, but it destroyed the careers of everyone who appeared on it - sans one. / Who? / / Gopher. Damn second-rate... http://www.goats.com/archive/980505.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 06 / 1998: diablo goes to school (10) | ...And with the help of a good plastic surgeon, you can turn a third-rate starlet into a teenager's wet dream. / Yawn. / / No offense, Mr. Spelling, but I'm trying to learn about evil, not second-rate T.V. show production. Where's the cruelty? Where's the dismemberment and pain? When do we learn how to... http://www.goats.com/archive/980506.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 07 / 1998: diablo goes to school (11) | Sayonara to Mr. Spelling. I've signed up for a class in Demonology. / Diablo, I'm saddened to hear that. He could have taught you quite a bit. / / You know, the classroom isn't the only place one can learn. Real-life experience can be very educational. / / You try summoning a demon with your 'real-life' experience,... http://www.goats.com/archive/980507.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 08 / 1998: diablo goes to school (12) | I hear Jon was eaten by a demon. / Yup. / Blerg. / / / It's good to see it hasn't affected your scintillating conversations. / Yup. / Blerg. http://www.goats.com/archive/980508.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 10 / 1998: ceiling babies and accordion players (1) | Whatcha doin'? / Signing up for this new online dating service. / / That desperate? / Well...yes. But at least I'm assured that anyone else one here is equally desperate. / / Blerg. / Don't be so condescending...it might work. http://www.goats.com/archive/980510.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 11 / 1998: ceiling babies and accordion players (2) | So, what exactly is involved in this online dating thing? / It's relatively simple. / / You fill out a form on their web site, detailing your personality, your quirks, your interests. You spill your soul out for the world to see. Then, women judge you strictly on your physical stats, like so much meat. / / Sounds... http://www.goats.com/archive/980511.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 12 / 1998: ceiling babies and accordion players (3) | Well, I've posted my personal ad to this online dating service's web site...Now, we wait. / Uh, Jon... / / SHH. / Jon, you may want to step away from the computer. This could take a while. / / AH! Something moved! It moved! Does it love me?! / Your cursor blinked. http://www.goats.com/archive/980512.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 13 / 1998: ceiling babies and accordion players (4) | Jon, you've been staring at that computer for three days now, waiting for a response to your personal ad. / Anyway, we're tired of waiting. We're gonna go ahead and continue with a new plotline. / Then we're gonna chop up your parents into little cubes, and dissolve them in industrial solvent. Is that... http://www.goats.com/archive/980513.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 14 / 1998: ceiling babies and accordion players (5) | Jon usually comes up with the plotlines...What are we going to do this week? / How about something wholesome and family-oriented? We could have a baby. / / We're on a tight schedule, Diablo. It's not like you can just go out and buy a baby. / Already taken care of. / / Diablo... / They had a blue-light special... http://www.goats.com/archive/980514.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 15 / 1998: ceiling babies and accordion players (6) | Diablo, you didn't really steal a baby out of someone's shopping cart at K-Mart, did you? / Well, 5 babies, actually. They're really addictive. / / Please tell me that you didn't do anything stupid with them. / No, no. They're safe and sound. Just look up. / / You nailed them to the ceiling. / Hell, no. I used... http://www.goats.com/archive/980515.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 17 / 1998: ceiling babies and accordion players (7) | Diablo, you know I'm not much of a stickler for the rules, but I draw the line at stealing people's babies and taping them to the ceiling. You have to bring them back. / / Beer, please. / / All right, but next week we bring them back. / They should be able to do this with nachos by that point. http://www.goats.com/archive/980517.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 18 / 1998: ceiling babies and accordion players (8) | Yes!! Someone answered my personal ad! / / Oh, she's wonderful! We're meeting for drinks tonight. She plays the accordion, and she has hair, and she likes the Smurfs, and she's not a criminal, and...and... / / And why are there babies taped to the ceiling? / Damned if I know. Diablo? / No comment. http://www.goats.com/archive/980518.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 19 / 1998: ceiling babies and accordion players (9) | Diablo, why are there babies taped to the ceiling? / They climbed up there of their own free will. / / Diablo, why are there babies taped to the ceiling? / Anti-Newtonian terrorists are testing their gravity weapon in the apartment above us. / / Diablo, why are there babies taped to the ceiling? / Aren't you getting... http://www.goats.com/archive/980519.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 20 / 1998: ceiling babies and accordion players (10) | Diablo, I want those babies taken down off the ceiling before I come home from my date, okay? / Why? / / Well, it won't look good if I, you know... / If you what? Eat a monkey? Rub marshmallow fluff on your thighs? Take breakdancing lessons? / / No, I mean if...you know...if I bring my date back to the apartment.... http://www.goats.com/archive/980520.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 21 / 1998: ceiling babies and accordion players (11) | Where's your beer, Jon? / I'm waiting until my blind date gets here. / / Good idea...then she can't tell how ugly you are. / No, no...'blind date' just means we've never met before. / / Dunno. She said she'd find me. / So how are you going to recognize her? http://www.goats.com/archive/980521.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 22 / 1998: ceiling babies and accordion players (12) | Uh...hi, you must be my date. I'm... / Silence!! I have no interest in you, or your llama. / / I am Gretchen Van Hooberfloosen, and this is my accordion, Heidi. You will lick Heidi. Now. Show Heidi your tongue! Or you will suffer dire consequences. / / What sort of consequences? / I am not at liberty to... http://www.goats.com/archive/980522.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 24 / 1998: ceiling babies and accordion players (13) | Uh. / Silence, infidel!! Your girlish voice destroys the pure sound of my accordion. / / Now, purile eunich, you will remain silent as I play for you. You will rate my music on a scale of one to ten, in categories of size, texture, flavor, and beef by-products. / / I found my thrill...on Blueberry Hill...... http://www.goats.com/archive/980524.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 25 / 1998: ceiling babies and accordion players (14) | Gee, well, Gretchen, it's been fun, but... / Keep your mouth shut, you infantile putrescent monkey. / / Our mating ritual has come to an end. You will now take me to your domicile and pleasure me as only a man could. You may use your man-flesh, a turkey baster, or similar toys. / / That sounds swell, but I... http://www.goats.com/archive/980525.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 26 / 1998: ceiling babies and accordion players (15) | Remove your clothing, you fetid pool of mucus. / Um, it's a little drafty in here. I'll keep them on, thanks. / / I said take them off...It's copulation time. Make me feel like a woman. / For the love of god, no!! / / Why are there babies taped to the ceiling? / Damned if I know. http://www.goats.com/archive/980526.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 27 / 1998: ceiling babies and accordion players (16) | Hey everyone! Jon did the deed with the accordion player! / I...I feel so dirty. / You disgust me. http://www.goats.com/archive/980527.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 28 / 1998: ceiling babies and accordion players (17) | ...I mean, I'm a tremendous slut, and even I wouldn't have slept with her. / Well, she was hideous, but she had a certain something. / / Like what? Her penchant for pain? Her body odor? Her sadistic tendencies? / No, no...none of those... / / Her willingness to sleep with you? / Bingo. http://www.goats.com/archive/980528.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 29 / 1998: ceiling babies and accordion players (18) | What's wrong? / Gretchen just called. She doesn't want to see me again. / / It's bad enough that women run screaming when they see me. It's bad enough that 85% of my ex-girlfriends are now lesbian guerillas. But now I've been dumped by a psychotic accordion player because she's decided to date her poodle. / / Toothgnip...go... http://www.goats.com/archive/980529.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 31 / 1998: chessmaster 2000 vs. the anti-newtonian terrorists (1) | Chessmaster 2000 and his sidekick, Speak-and-Spell, prepare to face their greatest challenge - the Anti-Newtonian Terrorists. / Antigravity wreaks havoc on a good chess game. / / What's your plan of attack? / First, I lure them here with the tasty goodness of my bag of Funyuns ? Onion-Ring Flavored Snacks.... http://www.goats.com/archive/980531.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 01 / 1998: chessmaster 2000 vs. the anti-newtonian terrorists (2) | Get down here. / Never! We, the Anti-newtonian Terrorists, scoff at your physical laws. No gravity for us! / / Ungh. / / I can't reach. / I bet you could reach if you were wearing an official "Goats" T-shirt. / SPELL "SHAMELESS PLUG." http://www.goats.com/archive/980601.html |
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