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| Goats comic strip from January / 12 / 1998: diablo gets a job (10) | Phillip asked me to check if you two had found jobs yet. He would have asked in person, but he was stuck to a barstool. / Yup. Check it out. / / "Do you love science? Do you enjoy experimental drugs? Then this may be the job for you. Must have an affinity for vivisection. Applicant must provide own... http://www.goats.com/archive/980112.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 13 / 1998: diablo gets a job (11) | Jon... Toothgnip and I are going to interview for that job from the want ads. / / / Jon. I need a punchline. / Hm Brooke Shields beer chicken headszz.. http://www.goats.com/archive/980113.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 14 / 1998: diablo gets a job (12) | Hey baby. We're here for the job interview. / Dr. Coffee will be right with you. Please have a seat. / / Ooh! Look...magazines! / I think the receptionist wants me. / / Cool. They have a subscription to "Vivisection Weekly." / I can tell by the way she was fondling her clipboard. http://www.goats.com/archive/980114.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 15 / 1998: diablo gets a job (13) | Hello, Mr. Diablo, my name is Dr. Frank Coffee. Um... where's you little goat friend? / He's having sex with the receptionist. / / That's nice. Diablo, I can't tell you how pleased I am that you're applying for a job here at Unnecessarily Cruel Medical Testing Labs. But I have to ask you a few standard... http://www.goats.com/archive/980115.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 17 / 1998: diablo gets a job (14) | Diablo, I need to know if you're going to be able to get to work in a timely fashion. Do you live in the city? / Downtown. With two alcoholics and an oversexed goat. / / That's nice. Do you have any previous work experience? / I am a general in the Army of Satan, my lord and uncle. / / Well, I understand that... http://www.goats.com/archive/980117.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 18 / 1998: diablo gets a job (15) | Well, Mr. Diablo, I see no reason why you can't start work immediately. I'll tell the receptionist to bring in the appropriate paperwork. / / She doesn't seem to be picking up the line. / / Will you call me? / Sorry, babe. Hooves and touch-tone phones don't mix. http://www.goats.com/archive/980118.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 19 / 1998: diablo gets a job (16) | And these spacious quarters will be your office. I'll show you inside. / / We've spared no expense. Your office furniture is extremely sturdy. / I love the decor. / / Comfy? The manacles...uh...armrests are lined with rich Corinthian leather. / Ooh...my butt feels all tingly. http://www.goats.com/archive/980119.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 21 / 1998: diablo gets a job (17) | Bob, will you bring some morphine for Mr. Diablo. / Hey...uh...I can't get out of this chair. / / That's the idea, Mr. Diablo...that's the idea... / Dude, all I could find were these whippets, but I was kinda saving them for later. / / What insidious scheme does Frank Coffee have in mind? Will Diablo escape?... http://www.goats.com/archive/980121.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 22 / 1998: diablo gets a job (18) | Bob! It is time...bring me the Clone-O-Matic 5000! / / Um...Frank, the budget's a tad low. We had to cut Bob. And the Clone-O-Matic. Sorry. / So what do we use to clone the chicken? / / The Prop Department says they can spare a bucket and an eggplant. / I can't work under these conditions. http://www.goats.com/archive/980122.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 24 / 1998: diablo gets a job (19) | I'm busy directing the strip, Bob. What do you want? / Uh, actually my name is Biff. I need my job back. For my kids. / He's directing. / / You have a family to support? / Well...no. I do have a drug habit to support, though. C'mon, dude, I'll work for anything. / / I can give you a pile of banana peels and... http://www.goats.com/archive/980124.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 25 / 1998: diablo gets a job (20) | Bob! Uh...I mean Biff! Bring me the Clone-O-Matic 5000! Once we clone the chicken, we can begin our evil plan. / / / I am a professional. I demand better props than an eggplant. Do we have any integrity? / Eggplant? I just thought it was a bad trip. / Blerg. Eat kitty. http://www.goats.com/archive/980125.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 26 / 1998: diablo gets a job (21) | You're stopping the series? / The cloning thing just isn't working. It's a simple matter of economics. / / One of the basic tenets of Advanced Chicken Humor Theory states that each additional chicken is only half as funny as the previous chicken. It's a simple case of diminishing returns. / / So an infinite... http://www.goats.com/archive/980126.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 27 / 1998: diablo gets a job (22) | What? / I can't believe you cancelled the cloning series. / / We've been working on it for eons, and you're just cutting it short 'cause you can't think of an ending. / / Okay, okay. We'll do an extra "butt" joke next week. / Ooh! And I get to nail that Lewinsky chick. http://www.goats.com/archive/980127.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 28 / 1998: toothgnip's dating tips (1) | Goats: The Comic Strip presents Toothgnip's Dating Tips
/ Grooming and Hair Care
/ Tip #17 / / Contrary to popular belief, chicks dig a hairy back. Gives 'em something to grab on to during the throes of passion. / / Fornicate. / Ooh. Your place or mine? http://www.goats.com/archive/980128.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 29 / 1998: toothgnip's dating tips (2) | Goats: The Comic Strip presents Toothgnip's Dating Tips
/ Speaking with an Accent
/ Tip #42 / / Women love exotic men. The best way to be exotic without being a total freak is to speak with a foreign accent. Remember, it's not a lie if she doesn't find out. / / Ah, mon cherie...your breasts are like two heaving,... http://www.goats.com/archive/980129.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 30 / 1998: toothgnip's dating tips (3) | Goats: The Comic Strip presents Toothgnip's Dating Tips
/ Communication
/ Tip #69 / / Honesty can destroy a burgeoning relationship. It's best to mask your true feelings behind vague and mysterious euphemisms. Be as confusing as possible. / / Hey baby. Wanna marinade my steak? Wanna wax my pepperoni llama? / No... http://www.goats.com/archive/980130.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 01 / 1998: toothgnip's dating tips (4) | Goats: The Comic Strip presents Toothgnip's Dating Tips
/ Showing Affection
/ Tip #3 / / Never lick someone without properly introducing yourself first. / / Pardon me, Miss, but there's some beer in your hair. http://www.goats.com/archive/980201.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 02 / 1998: toothgnip's dating tips (5) | Goats: The Comic Strip presents Toothgnip's Dating Tips
/ Rekindling the Flame
/ Tip #666 / / Every relationship occasionally sputters and stalls. To put some zest back into your love life, try role-playing. Acting out a scene from a favorite book or movie can put a fresh spin on things. / / Aah! Get it offmphh! / That's... http://www.goats.com/archive/980202.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 03 / 1998: toothgnip's dating tips (6) | Goats: The Comic Strip presents Toothgnip's Dating Tips
/ Compatibility
/ Tip #57 / / If you're going to ask someone out, make sure that you have common interests. Nothing's more uncomfortable than long pauses during a conversation on a date. / / We never talk anymore. http://www.goats.com/archive/980203.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 04 / 1998: orange drink, crispy fries (1) | I'll have 25 large orange drinks. / Huh? / Hi! I'm Grimace! Can I be your pal? / / Die, purple fuzzy scum! Die!! / Braap! / / And one medium fries. / Crispy fries. http://www.goats.com/archive/980204.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 05 / 1998: orange drink, crispy fries (2) | These large artificially flavored orange drink containers are just a start. / / Another three billion orange drinks, and I will have complete control over the earth's supply of sugary orange-colored water! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!!! / / You need to rethink this plan. / Hmm. What if I super-sized? http://www.goats.com/archive/980205.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 07 / 1998: orange drink, crispy fries (3) | How's you orange drink? / Mmph. / / Let me try. / Mm-mmph. / / Give it! Give it to me, infidel! / It is not for you, mortal! It is the food of the gods! http://www.goats.com/archive/980207.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 08 / 1998: orange drink, crispy fries (4) | I...I need it real bad. You gotta give me a fix...just a little to hold me over. / You got the money? / / No...no. But I just need a little bit. Just a kiddie cup. / No money, no orange. / / C'mon. I'll do anything...just gimme a little orange drink. / Here. There's a convenience store across the street. http://www.goats.com/archive/980208.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 09 / 1998: orange drink, crispy fries (5) | All right... Hand over all the money, Bud. / Okay. / / Aren't you supposed to resist? / Hell no. The store's not mine, and the money is insured. / / I don't even get to be menacing, do I? / Well, you can shoot out the security cameras if it will make you feel better. http://www.goats.com/archive/980209.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 10 / 1998: orange drink, crispy fries (6) | So, why are you robbing convenience stores anyway? / Well...I...I need the money. I have an addiction. / / Sounds rough. What is it? Crack? Heroin? / McDonald's orange drink. / / They're gonna laugh you right out of Betty Ford. / Who is this Betty Ford? She will pay for her insolence. http://www.goats.com/archive/980210.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 11 / 1998: orange drink, crispy fries (7) | Thanks for talking me down, man...No more orange drink for me. / Not when there's so many better drugs. / / You've helped me so much...and I don't even know you name. I'm Neil. / Biff Wellington. / / Biff Wellington? / It's a stage name. I did some...uh...adult cinema a few years back. http://www.goats.com/archive/980211.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 12 / 1998: orange drink, crispy fries (8) | Just got a report. Two greys spotted incinerating a McDonald's "Grimance", hording orange drink, and robbing convenience stores. / / / You don't expect me to believe that, do you? / Hey, I'm the skeptic, remember? http://www.goats.com/archive/980212.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 13 / 1998: orange drink, crispy fries (9) | Hi. We're from the FBI. We'd like to ask you a few questions. / We're looking for two aliens. Have any of you seen anything unusual? / No hablo French. / Je m'apelle un lapiz. / Je m'appelle un lapiz. http://www.goats.com/archive/980213.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 15 / 1998: attack of the mutant killer crack whores (1) | We're going to see "Attack of the Mutant Killer Crack Whores." Wanna come? / Oh sure. / / I'd love nothing more than to waste two hours of my life watching corporately-inseminated drivel with some farm animals and a low-grade alcoholic. Oh joy. Oh rapture. / / You know, there's a fine line between excessive... http://www.goats.com/archive/980215.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 16 / 1998: attack of the mutant killer crack whores (2) | So why was Jon acting so bitter and depressed before? / Could be any number of things. / / Could be that he's realized that he's in a dead end job. Could be that his life is pointless and futile. Could be that he's involuntarily celibate. / / Then why isn't Phillip depressed? / He uses special tension-relieving... http://www.goats.com/archive/980216.html |
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