You're browsing the archives of Goats.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ show full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Goats comic strip from January / 19 / 2006: but you can't stay here (4) | I have zeen eet all! Butcherings, stranglings, squooshings, you name eet. I guess when you are cooped up weeth someone for a few decades eventually you get ze desire for ze murdering. / / Eet ees depressing to be certain, because I like to theenk I run a nice establishment, not ze sort of place zat drives... http://www.goats.com/archive/060119.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 23 / 2006: but you can't stay here (5) | Somehow I've always known that I would have to kill you someday. / And somehow I've always known that Russian dressing is just mayo and ketchup mixed together. / / I am not entirely alone here, you know. I have my good friend Bessie to keep me company. Do you want Bessie to say hello to you? / / No. / No. / / Then... http://www.goats.com/archive/060123.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 24 / 2006: but you can't stay here (6) | Alfred, if you've had other customers, how did they get here? / I guess most slide down ze pub axis. But you have to have ze KNACK for eet. / What's the KNACK? / / / Well HELLO there y'all! / For instance, SHE has ze knack. / You can say that again. / She has ze knack. http://www.goats.com/archive/060124.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 25 / 2006: but you can't stay here (7) | It's truly an honor to meet you. My name is FARMELLA CUMMINGTON-BLOOMERS. I'm a farmer's daughter from the nearby farming dimension of Topeka Prime. / You've GOT to be kidding me. / / Your arrival here has long been foretold in the GREAT FARMER'S ALMANAC. I've been sent to retrieve you from the Pub Stub. / / I... http://www.goats.com/archive/060125.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 26 / 2006: but you can't stay here (8) | You're not just going to follow her to some strange dimension, are you? You don't know where that dimension has BEEN. / Let's apply the usual standard: what would Kirk do? / / Kirk would go boff the green Orion slave girl. / He wouldn't even stop to take off his girdle. / / But you're married. / Jon, what happens... http://www.goats.com/archive/060126.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 30 / 2006: but you can't stay here (9) | Here. I put together a bindle for you. / I... I've always wanted a bindle. / / You go ahead now and run off with that redheaded tart. I'll be fine here, subsisting on a steady diet of bar snacks and self-pity. / Thanks, man. / / Oh, Jon? / Yes? / / I was the one that took a dump in your chocolate fudge brownie ice... http://www.goats.com/archive/060130.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 31 / 2006: but you can't stay here (10) | No, seriously, I'm fine with this. This is GREAT. / You do not appear to be fine. / / What's there not to be fine about? The source of every single one of my problems is gone, just like THAT. / / I mean, sure, he's off diddling barely legals in a haystack while I'm living in a place that has not seen fresh produce... http://www.goats.com/archive/060131.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 01 / 2006: but you can't stay here (11) | I've been here for five years, Alfred. / Congratulations, sir! I will make ze cupcakes for you. / / I've barely managed to hold on to what little sanity I had when I got here. I don't know if I'm going to last much longer. / It looks like we are out of ze cupcakes mix. Sorry! / And there it goes. Bye-bye, lucidity.... http://www.goats.com/archive/060201.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 02 / 2006: but you can't stay here (12) | YOU! Are you the PROGRAMMER? / / I know a little Javascript. / / You're coming with us. http://www.goats.com/archive/060202.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 07 / 2006: good phil hunting (1) | ZOT! / / I still say it smells like a thousand dead sea monkeys in here. How did your noggin hold up this time? / / It looks like the Faraday cage I was able to construct from that Juicyfruit gum wrapper is adequately protecting my cybernetic bits from the electromagnetic pulse given off by the transport. / You're... http://www.goats.com/archive/060207.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 08 / 2006: good phil hunting (2) | You don't know where he is? / Phillip and Jon haven't been here for days. I haven't a clue where they are and, frankly, it's been a nice vacation. / / You looking for those lousy deadbeats? I see them skip out on check two days ago. You tell lazy nerds they owe three months bar tab still! / / Where are they... http://www.goats.com/archive/060208.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 09 / 2006: good phil hunting (3) | What are we doing back here? I thought we were going to find Oliver. / Well, we asked Tarfon to send Oliver to a random destination, but as we all know, computers are incapable of creating truly random numbers. / / Oh yes, we all know that. / Computers use an external "seed" number in combination with a complex... http://www.goats.com/archive/060209.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 13 / 2006: good phil hunting (4) | Look, you're just going to have to trust me on this one. It'll be a CAKEWALK. / Have you ever tried walking on cake? It's harder than it sounds. / / We pop in. We taunt Oliver until he inadvertently blabs the information we want. We go get Phillip, and we bring him back here to fix the code running on Woody's... http://www.goats.com/archive/060213.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 14 / 2006: good phil hunting (5) | Oh. My. GOD. / I think this stench should be proof enought that God is dead. He'd never allow this. / / What is this place? What is this STUFF? / This is what it must feel like for Bill when he has to have sex with Hillary. / / It's like my lungs are filled with SLUGS. / It smells like a dog died inside of another... http://www.goats.com/archive/060214.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 15 / 2006: good phil hunting (6) | Let's start making our way up towards those rocks. / Oh, brilliant idea. Let's just wade across a lake of foul-smelling mucus for no apparent reason. / / If Oliver ended up here that's probably the direction he would have went. / I don't think Oliver is here. / / How could you possibly know that? / Well, I can HOPE... http://www.goats.com/archive/060215.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 16 / 2006: good phil hunting (7) | The stench isn't so bad up here. / I think the scale of relative badness is broken in this place. / / We'll stow the robot between these two pillars. I don't want Oliver getting anywhere near this thing. / Okay, Chairman Mao, where to now? We go on a long march to nowhere? / / No. / We follow these guys. / / This is... http://www.goats.com/archive/060216.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 20 / 2006: good phil hunting (8) | You want to follow a bunch of armed slugs? They smell worse than EUROPEANS. / They must have some sort of camp nearby. / / We'll shadow them, gather intelligence, and mount a six-month search campaign covering the most likely areas Oliver might have travelled to. / / Nuh-uh. I'm tired of taking orders, and there's... http://www.goats.com/archive/060220.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 21 / 2006: good phil hunting (9) | Oh, quit yer bitching. This isn't so bad. / / Name one redeeming quality of our current situation. / We can pretend we're salamis hanging in a delicatessen. / / I don't think we need to pretend that. / Dags-nabbit, now I got myself all hungry. / / Excuse me, slugs? Do you guys have anything to eat? / / You will be provided... http://www.goats.com/archive/060221.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 22 / 2006: good phil hunting (10) | How convenient! Slugs that speak english. / We speak the traveller's tongue only to cursed outsiders like yourselves. / Someone said something about CUPCAKES? / / Someone also said something about our EXECUTION. The cupcakes can wait. / I don't want to die on an empty stomach. / / These are the last of our cupcakes. / The... http://www.goats.com/archive/060222.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 23 / 2006: good phil hunting (11) | Now that you have eaten your ceremonial cupcake we will stab you until you are dead. / Then we will engage in celebratory hermaphroditic mating, writhing over your corpses in a giant, slimy, orgiastic ball of spite. / At least we get to be dead for that. / / WAIT, please! Tell us about these raiders that have... http://www.goats.com/archive/060223.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 27 / 2006: good phil hunting (12) | Sounds like Oliver hasn't wasted any time here. / Look, folks, we know that little yellow dude. We hate him just as much as you do, although I also love him as a son. I'm not embarrassed to admit that. / / I mean, c'mon, you're HERMAPHRODITES. Like a little SON-LOVING could ever compare to the embarrassment... http://www.goats.com/archive/060227.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 28 / 2006: good phil hunting (13) | What do you mean, DEAL? Fifty percent fewer stabbings is still one hundred percent LETHAL. / You're pretty stupid for a cyborg genius-type. / / I just bought us a TON of time. If we hang in for a little longer the slugs will take us straight to Oliver. / / First, we goad them into battle with these other slugs... http://www.goats.com/archive/060228.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 01 / 2006: good phil hunting (14) | I've got to admit, you've got a good plan there. / You're not the only ballerina at this recital, mister. / / What's your name, Sluggy Threeglance? / There are some who call me... FLEN. / Flen, we're going to need some things. / / Our resources are at your disposal. / First, I need a map of the village. It should... http://www.goats.com/archive/060301.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 02 / 2006: good phil hunting (15) | Well, things have certainly turned sunny-side up for us. / It's taking too long. / / You were the one planning a six-month recon mission just a while ago. / Based on the evidence so far, it's an extremely hostile universe. There's no way Phillip will last SIX DAYS out here. / / You're right. He's TOO STUPID TO... http://www.goats.com/archive/060302.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 06 / 2006: the programmer (1) | FARMHAND BEAN! What're you doing inside the shrine? / / Daughter Farmella! I didn't know y'all were in here. I thought, what with all the ruckus, it might be a cow-snatcher or sumpthin'. Almost shot you with ol' Bessie here! / / You know well enough that no cow-snatcher could fit in here. / Who's this gray fella... http://www.goats.com/archive/060306.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 07 / 2006: the programmer (2) | I'm awful sorry about that. Farmhand Bean has forgotten his place. / / He will sleep with the cows tonight. / I'm sure he will. As for me, I could use a beer. I was told there was one of those Pub dealies on every level? / / You're standing where it used to be. The Axis Pub for Topeka Prime's level was razed... http://www.goats.com/archive/060307.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 08 / 2006: the programmer (3) | You've got to send me back to the Pub Stub. I'll come right back, I promise, just as soon as I figure out how to run copper tubing from there to here. / / There's no time for yer fancy indoor plumbin'. Every minute wasted is a minute we're closer to being deleted in THE BIG CRASH. The end of the universe... http://www.goats.com/archive/060308.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 09 / 2006: the programmer (4) | You know, it may be a bit early for us to be introducing each other to our respective parents, seeing as we come from such different backgrounds. Also, I seem to recall now that I am MARRIED. YES! / / And I think it would be a BAD IDEA for me to be meeting anyone's mother SOBER. I can't even speak to my... http://www.goats.com/archive/060309.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 13 / 2006: the programmer (5) | You went to the SHRINE? You know that travel outside the complex is FORBIDDEN during cow-snatcher season. / / I beg your pardon, Farmer, but I have brought THE PROGRAMMER. / Howdy. Nice farming dimension you've got here. / / Oh, impetuous youth. This was too soon. He ain't ripe. He could have aged for millenia... http://www.goats.com/archive/060313.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 14 / 2006: the programmer (6) | We can talk privately here. / I swear, Ma'am, there was no humping, bonking, banging or any other sort of daughter-porking going on. / / Oh, I know. Farmella is many things, but she would never abandon her people in their time of need, even if she does think she loves you. / LOVES ME? Lady, I met her half an... http://www.goats.com/archive/060314.html |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 >>