You're browsing the archives of Goats.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ show full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Goats comic strip from March / 03 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (35) | Thanks for helping us, Fineas. / Don't thank me. You two earned it. / / You have joined the brotherhood of the Moustache Fighting League. / That's okay. I already have a brother. / / Okay, Fish. I'm putting you under. When you wake up, your brain will contain all the knowledge of Stephen Hawking - the greatest... http://www.goats.com/archive/050303.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 07 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (36) | Can Fish hear us? / Nope. The only thing he's doing right now is dreaming of flying toasters. / / Excellent. This was good thinking, Phillip. Now we can remove the extra programming that's making Fish go all Steven Seagal. / / No. I don't think we'll be doing that.
/ I don't think we'll be doing that AT ALL. http://www.goats.com/archive/050307.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 08 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (37) | You want to leave him in the grip of COMBAT MADNESS? / No, but we don't have a choice. / / He made it very clear that he didn't want us mucking around with his head anymore. And despite everything, he's put his trust in us. Do you really want to betray that trust, just because you miss the old Fish? / / Strange... http://www.goats.com/archive/050308.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 09 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (38) | - Several showers later - / And there it is. A website for parrots that uses none of the standard spectral colors. / We will call this new color "blern". / / It's strangely appealing. How did you create a new color? / I had to change the gravitational constant of the universe. / / Neat. What is it now? / Three. http://www.goats.com/archive/050309.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 10 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (39) | I just called to say that we're all really happy with the job you guys did. The site looks great. / / Thanks. / / Just one quick thing. How difficult would it be to revert to the original green? / / That would probably take about a million years. / / Because the color blern apparently makes parrot eyes spontaneously... http://www.goats.com/archive/050310.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 14 / 2005: good hitler vs. space hitler (1) | Let's all vow never to do anything resembling work ever again. / Amen. / Amen. / / I think this calls for a celebration. / Ooh! Drunken movie! / / Fineas, you get to pick the movie. / Okay. Let's see 'Good Hitler vs. Space Hitler'. / They're calling it Ted Danson's comeback performance. http://www.goats.com/archive/050314.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 15 / 2005: good hitler vs. space hitler (2) | WASHINGTON, D.C.
/ THE NEAR FUTURE / Sorry I'm late President Ford. I had to save the lives of some orphans on my way over. Took 'em to a baseball game, too. / / Thank God you're here, GOOD HITLER. This is the worst crisis we've faced since my second term began. / / It's HIM, isn't it? / Yes. Your nemesis, SPACE... http://www.goats.com/archive/050315.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 16 / 2005: good hitler vs. space hitler (3) | Space Hitler wants all the livers of American schoolchildren PLUS all the gold in FORT KNOX? That BASTARD. / / That's right Good Hitler. He craves the delicious taste of the livers of young patriotic children. He even feeds them to his army of recursive space cows, with which he will invade our solar system. / / Not... http://www.goats.com/archive/050316.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 17 / 2005: good hitler vs. space hitler (4) | Now pay attention Good Hitler. These gizmos and whoosits may just save your life while you're out there battling Space Hitler. / / What's that you've got, Scientist Hitler? / Well, this may look like an ordinary iPod shuffle. / / BLEEEM / But in reality, it's a cleverly disguised piece of product placement!
/ It... http://www.goats.com/archive/050317.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 21 / 2005: good hitler vs. space hitler (5) | Okay. You've got your space-cow-confuser, your space-Audi, and your space-lady-seducing aftershave. / Everything I need to kick some serious SPACE-ASS. / / You just be sure to return to us safe and sound, Good Hitler. Because...
/ Because I am secretly in love with you. / / It's not really a secret. Pretty much... http://www.goats.com/archive/050321.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 22 / 2005: good hitler vs. space hitler (6) | SPACE HITLER'S SECRET UNDERGROUND SPACE LAIR / HERR SPACE HITLER! Mein spies report that Good Hitler is on his way here, to your secret space lair! / / Excellent! Where is he now? / Mein soldiers are in high-speed pursuit on the CANALS OF MARS. / / High-speed pursuit, eh?
/ Let's see if you cows can deal with an... http://www.goats.com/archive/050322.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 23 / 2005: good hitler vs. space hitler (7) | DAMMIT! If oil won't slow down those recursive space-cows, then nothing will! Unless... / / Click / COUNTERMEASURES / / Sproing / / Hans! Geschmackvolle luftsteaks! http://www.goats.com/archive/050323.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 24 / 2005: good hitler vs. space hitler (8) | AH-HA! If there's one thing that space-cows love more than the livers of American schoolchildren, it's CANNIBALISM.
/ And now, on to victory! / / Or defeat. Whatever. http://www.goats.com/archive/050324.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 28 / 2005: good hitler vs. space hitler (9) | It's a good thing Scientist Hitler gave me one of his prototype POCKET LUFTSTEAKS! / / POOF! / / That was smooth!
/ It's no wonder why ladies love the Hitler. http://www.goats.com/archive/050328.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 29 / 2005: good hitler vs. space hitler (10) | MoooARGHH!! / / SLAM! / / Oh? You want some, mutant space cow? Come suckle at the teat of my exciting LASER SWORD! http://www.goats.com/archive/050329.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 30 / 2005: good hitler vs. space hitler (11) | Is that the IPOD SHUFFLE? Did you get one gig or half a gig? Can I see it? / / FSSSHZZZRT / / Oh, you ASSWIPE! THAT WAS MY FAVORITE LEG! http://www.goats.com/archive/050330.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 31 / 2005: good hitler vs. space hitler (12) | Welcome, Mister Good Hitler. Would you please refrain from dismembering my pets? / / EVA PUDENDA! I knew I smelled something fishy. / Ah, there's the charmer I remember. / / If you've come for another pity-fuck I'm all out. / I know! I heard you were giving them out down at the schoolyard. http://www.goats.com/archive/050331.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 04 / 2005: good hitler vs. space hitler (13) | But seriously, Eva, you have to help me by betraying Space Hitler YET AGAIN. / Why should I? / / Because you find my boyish smile irresistable. / Contrary to what you may think, freakishly tiny teeth are not sexually attractive. / / I'll help you, but only because I'm tired of his "I like to eat schoolchildren's... http://www.goats.com/archive/050404.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 05 / 2005: good hitler vs. space hitler (14) | You'll need to hold your breath as we go through the corridor up ahead. There are carbon dioxide sensors embedded in the rock. / / Good thing you've got that breath-holding degree from the University of Vienna Sausage. My Vienna sausage. / / Let me know if you see anything unusual. / Nothing I haven't seen thirty-seven... http://www.goats.com/archive/050405.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 06 / 2005: good hitler vs. space hitler (15) | This teleporter will take you directly into Space Hitler's control center, past all the perimiter defenses. / / Thanks, sugarpillows. I owe you one. / / Oh, you don't owe me a thing. Trust me. / / BWEEN / / Damn! Laser bars! She may still be angry with me. http://www.goats.com/archive/050406.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 07 / 2005: good hitler vs. space hitler (16) | Ah, Good Hitler. It's time we put your meddling to an end. Nothing must stand between me and my hunger for all the livers of American schoolchildren / / And the gold. Right? / Yes, also the Fort Knox gold. I thought that was implied. / / Well, you may have MEANT to imply it, but I think it's clearer if you just... http://www.goats.com/archive/050407.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 11 / 2005: good hitler vs. space hitler (17) | Laser table, eh? / Yeah. Isn't it nice? Got it for a song down at Costco. / / Well, look at that. You love lasers. I love lasers. We've both slept with your girlfriend. Are we really that different from each other? / / Well, I'm from SPACE. / I could be from space! Just let me off this table and I PROMISE to be... http://www.goats.com/archive/050411.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 12 / 2005: good hitler vs. space hitler (18) | Oh PLEASE no! Turn off the laser! I'm far to SUAVE to die like this!!! / / GuGH HugGH HAGHuck grah / / I'm honestly a bit surprised that worked. http://www.goats.com/archive/050412.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 13 / 2005: good hitler vs. space hitler (19) | That was, by far, the worst movie ever. / Oh, c'mon. It's a Good Hitler flick. What did you expect? / / This was an extended middle finger directed specifically at long-time fans of the Good Hitler franchise. Where was the political intrigue? Where was the depth of character? And don't get me started on all... http://www.goats.com/archive/050413.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 14 / 2005: infinite typewriters (1) | Your "Space Wizard" bullshit has festered and grown, ripping the joy de vivre out of me and ejaculating into the steaming crevasse with a fetid cream filling of critical eye. What's the point of knowing everything if everything sucks so much? / / Let me get this straight. You're upset that my fictional... http://www.goats.com/archive/050414.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 18 / 2005: infinite typewriters (2) | I know I've steered you wrong once or twice, but one thing I can certainly advise on is how to maintain sanity when you're surrounded by inferiors. / / The world is a terrible place filled with third-rate people. You can't change that. You can only work around it, by redirecting your repressed anger towards... http://www.goats.com/archive/050418.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 19 / 2005: infinite typewriters (3) | Hey Dogg! I heard you was back in town. You wanna help me out with some chainsaw-related testing? / There will be no more tests at my expense. / / They'd said you'd changed. So you're here for vengeance, then? / / Vengeance will have to wait. I need your help for a more... creative pursuit. http://www.goats.com/archive/050419.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 20 / 2005: infinite typewriters (4) | So what's this all about? / I was introduced to a few new ideas recently. Some stuff Stephen Hawking has been kicking around in his idle hours. / / And the other day, while I was watching the new Good Hitler movie, it struck me how it could be done. Teleportation made as simple as it seems in the movies. / / All... http://www.goats.com/archive/050420.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 21 / 2005: infinite typewriters (5) | So you've got your singularity. What do you need me for? / / If we can enlarge the kitten-to-Pop-Tart event horizon by as little as one nanometer, we can translate that energy differential into an almost infinite real-world shift of quantum positional states for nearby matter. But the kpT shift will require... http://www.goats.com/archive/050421.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 25 / 2005: infinite typewriters (6) | Holy shit! That must have been some party. / / No doubt. I must have been wasted! / Probably we got into the drain cleaner again. / / Maybe I got laid! / No, I don't feel sore. http://www.goats.com/archive/050425.html |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 >>