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| Goats comic strip from January / 10 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (5) | C'mon. Let's put down the rocket launcher and go get some tacos. / You don't get it, Jon. We have no CHOICE. / / Buddha's out there. I saw him myself, walking around like he's been at the all-you-can-eat barbeque joint for the last 2500 years and not, say, rotting in a grave. It doesn't take a genius to realize... http://www.goats.com/archive/050110.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 11 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (6) | KLIK / Thanks for helping out, guys. / Oh, no problem. We'd never pass up a chance to destroy a cherished yet zombified religious icon. / / PTOO / This neighborhood is crawling with 'em. / Tell me about it. Have you seen Newsweek's year-end roundup? / / Not yet. / Post-resurrection Jesus is so powerful he can take two... http://www.goats.com/archive/050111.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 12 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (7) | BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM / / HA HA! How you like that, CHAOS DOPE? Your momma so fat, she need to meditate on the nature of the universe TWICE! / / Man, this guy is a dick. / The Geneva Convention explicitly allows the use of chemical weapons in the event of momma jokes. http://www.goats.com/archive/050112.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 13 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (8) | Are you a religious man, Phillip? / I have a slight shoe fetish, but that's about as close to religion as I like to come. / / Sometimes I wonder. I know that logically there's no reason to believe there's a God. But sometimes I feel... something. Something I just can't dismiss. / / Don't you ever feel a connection... http://www.goats.com/archive/050113.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 17 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (9) | I've never seen you get tired of a firefight so quickly. / He doesn't play fair. / / Your momma so fat, they have to reinforce the cycle of eternal rebirth with steel girders! / / Oh, SNAP! / That's the THIRD TIME you've used that one. http://www.goats.com/archive/050117.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 18 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (10) | Your momma so fat, she travel the noble eightfold path all at once! / / That's it. Get me a weapon. Something really explodey. / Someone else seems to be using our weapons at the moment. / / Bring me the head of DIABLO THE CHICKEN. http://www.goats.com/archive/050118.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 19 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (11) | Someone said my name! I heard it! / Fish, what the hell are you doing? / / The entity you knew as Fish is gone. It has been replaced by a fish neural experience simulator known by the cleverly concieved acronym FINEAS, programmed by Dr. Gregor Mendel himself.
/ And my prime directive is to kick your ass. / / I... http://www.goats.com/archive/050119.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 20 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (12) | We've got to find a way to distract him. / Wait a second. Where does the 'A' in FINEAS come from? / / I said we've got to distract HIM, not you. / Come to think of it, that acronym doesn't work at all. / / Quiet, imbeciles! Your meal of doom is getting cold. / That was terrible. Now you're not even trying. http://www.goats.com/archive/050120.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 24 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (13) | Headcrabs! / AGH! WHERE? / / BRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKA / / CLICK CLICK / Ah hell. I'm out of ammo. http://www.goats.com/archive/050124.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 25 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (14) | How is he? / Still unconscious. But take a look behind his dorsal fin. / / Those goggles were plugged into this port. It seems to be surgically grafted into Fish's brain. / / You're joking. / Fish is an immortal zombie cyborg USB 1.1 host device. http://www.goats.com/archive/050125.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 26 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (15) | Part of the USB host spec includes a power supply for attatched devices, like the display goggles we found on Fish. / / Your point? / The power originates from his brain. I'm guessing it's a side effect of Mendel's mortality cure. Fish's brain is an infinite energy generator. / / So you hooked him up to a glowing... http://www.goats.com/archive/050126.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 27 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (16) | This is unbelievable. I can access Fish's brain like a hard drive. / / Congrats! You're the king of dorks. / It looks like the files comprising Mendel's program are orders of magnitude larger than Fish's original personality files. / / So he's still in there somewhere? / He's been backed up to a Zip file. / Theoretically,... http://www.goats.com/archive/050127.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 31 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (17) | You know, the possibilities are almost limitless. / What do you mean? / / Fish is basically a blank slate at the moment. We have root access to his very soul. We could remake him in our own image. Or the image of Gandhi.
/ Or some really hot chick. / / You're not even aware of the existence of ethics, are you? / Or... http://www.goats.com/archive/050131.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 01 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (18) | Let's compromise. We'll reinstall Fish's default operating personality, but we'll retain some of FINEAS's higher function subroutines. / Like what? / / Increased cognitive skills, mostly. Some USB power management capabilities. A smattering of combat programming. An affinity for the banjo. / / He plays the banjo? / I... http://www.goats.com/archive/050201.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 02 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (19) | He should reboot automatically. / And how will we know if it worked? / / If he doesn't immediately attempt to kill us, I'd say that could be considered a success. / Oh. Oh no. / / Oh no. Oh no oh no oh WHAT HAVE YOU BASTARDS DONE TO MY MIND?! http://www.goats.com/archive/050202.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 03 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (20) | Bastards? We saved you! We RESTORED you. / Restoration? / / You call this restoration? This psychic rape? This twisted Frankensteinian amalgamation of memories you've put in my head where my innocence once was? / / I know how to kill a man with a taco sauce packet. And I have to live with that knowledge. http://www.goats.com/archive/050203.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 07 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (21) | Fish, there's no need to get upset. I'm sure Phillip can put you back just the way you were. / Oh, absolutely. Definitely maybe, perhaps. / / I'm sure you two would love to blind me. I imagine playing God is an addictive hobby. But the pain of your treachery has opened my eyes to just how vulnerable I was... http://www.goats.com/archive/050207.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 08 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (22) | Fish... / FINEAS. Unlike you, Mendel had the courtesy to give me a real name. / / And this is my gun, Myrtle. Myrtle and I are going to go on a crazed rampage now. I need to blow off some steam, you understand. / / Where are we? The enchanted land of easily accessible firearms? / I may have accidentally sold him... http://www.goats.com/archive/050208.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 09 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (23) | Why did you sell Fish an uzi? / Jon, you know me. I live by few rules. I like to pee off the top of the awning outside the nursing home on First Avenue. / / I know. / But there is one steadfast maxim that I hold dear: an immortal superintelligent combat-trained zombie cyborg goldfish with a machine gun can... http://www.goats.com/archive/050209.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 10 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (24) | Howdy Doug. Can I call you back later? Things are a bit ... weird right now. What do you mean, right away? / / Doug, the last time I heard from you it was a year divisible by two, the client was on the run from the Department of Fish and Wildlife with a busload of illegal parrots, and he wasn't too thrilled... http://www.goats.com/archive/050210.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 14 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (25) | So are you going to take the job? / How can I possibly? Fish is having an existential crisis of profound proportions. Plus he has a very large gun. I'm all tied up. / / You can play with your friends on the weekends, mister. Rent is due and I'm tired of carrying your sorry ass. Do you remember the conversation... http://www.goats.com/archive/050214.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 15 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (26) | So who is this client anyways? / It's a small start-up called parrotXchange. They're moving operations online. / / A site where people trade parrots? / No, where parrots trade securities. Mutual funds, stocks, that sort of thing. / / Parrots have money? / They do since they won their reparations lawsuit. http://www.goats.com/archive/050215.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 16 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (27) | Jakob
/ usability
/ likes par / So here's the thing. I've been reading a lot of Jakob Nielsen. / Oh Christ. / / remove all links
/ add shiny mirro
/ fresh water
/ more synergy / And I want us to really try and get into the heads of our customers. This should be the most parrot-centric website ever made. / / bad colors
/ parrots:... http://www.goats.com/archive/050216.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 17 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (28) | I'm finding it more and more difficult to find reasons why I shouldn't wrap my lips around a tailpipe. / Could you try not whining for, like, five minutes? / / Fine, Mister Happypants, you figure out how we're going to coax a browser to display in the infrared range. / Just put a big squeaky button in the middle... http://www.goats.com/archive/050217.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 21 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (29) | Fi... FINEAS, we have a problem that we're not smart enough to figure out without your help. / I'm a soldier, not a tailor. / / Forget the parrot suits. We need your augmented intelligence. This is a problem with COMPUTER PHYSICS. / What's in it for me? / / A box of Pocky. / Men's Pocky. / It might as well be called... http://www.goats.com/archive/050221.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 23 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (30) | All right, you BASTARD. What is it you want? Money? Power? / A certain blonde starlet encased in carbonite? / / I want you two, humiliated and stripped of your dignity, just like you did to me.
/ I want you two to have a MOUSTACHE FIGHT. / / What the hell is a moustache fight? / I just happen to have two moustaches... http://www.goats.com/archive/050223.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 24 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (31) | There's no such thing as a moustache fight. You're making it up. / You'll soon be wishing I was. / / Moustache fighting was invented by the Sandinistas in 1967. Guerilla cells would often be isolated in the jungle for months at a time with no way to communicate with Liberation Front leaders. Moustache fighting... http://www.goats.com/archive/050224.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 28 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (32) | So if my moustache becomes entangled in your non-moustache hair, is that my foul or yours? / I'm still trying to figure out how moustache succession works. / / Section 33.6.B says it gets passed to the least hairy Sandinista in your group, in order to foster equality. / Goddamn commies. / / Have you ever imported,... http://www.goats.com/archive/050228.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 01 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (33) | All right! No more lollygagging. Moustache fighter one! Please announce your beef with moustache fighter two! / / You Jews killed Jesus! / / And we'll do it again when he comes back. / / Speaking of beef, did you know that they feed cows to other cows? / Enough! There will be no further discussion of recursive... http://www.goats.com/archive/050301.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 02 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (34) | Prepare to eat death, you swarthy bastard.
/ My name is a killing word. / / OOF!
/ MMPH!
/ KAPOW!!
/ BLEMISH! / / SNKIT! / YEEARRRGH!!! / OH HOLY GOD.
/ Facial hair isn't supposed to BLEED. http://www.goats.com/archive/050302.html |
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