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| Goats comic strip from September / 29 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) ... | After skulking back to Manhattan in defeat and ignominy, I stopped back at the apartment long enough only to pack my various lubricants and my three favorite Hummel figurines. / / Not long after that, I was at the Port Authority, wondering which tramp steamer would take me farthest away from that damnable... http://www.goats.com/archive/040929.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 30 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) ... | Once I arrived in Los Angeles, it wasn't long until I was able to land a cushy gig as the casting director for the new "Welcome Back Kotter" movie adaptation. / / In an effort to update the concept for today's hip 18-to-35 year old audience, we did some reimagineering. The new Kotter would have more sex,... http://www.goats.com/archive/040930.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 04 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) ... | Being on the set of the film was like being inside a huge rubber sheath of talent. / Holy crap Horshack! Epstein's been killed by a RUBBER HOSE! / Ooh ooh ooh! / / It seems to be protruding from his NOSTRIL. / QUICKLY! Drink his life essence before it fades. / / CUT! / Sam, can you guys try emoting less next time?... http://www.goats.com/archive/041004.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 05 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) ... | YOU SCUMBAGS HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF GABE KOTTER AND THE SWEATHOGS;
/ NOW HOW ABOUT SOME ALGEBRA; / / Cut! That's some great acting there Pork-O-Tron 5000. / I WAS SHAT OUT OF MARLON BRANDO'S ASS FULLY FORMED; / / Let's take five, everyone. We're doing the dance number next. / THERE HAD BETTER BE A BUCKET OF COCAINE... http://www.goats.com/archive/041005.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 06 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) ... | Did the Pork-O-Tron have a laser? / No he did not have a laser. / / Well why the hell not? / You can't use a laser for porking. Now SHUT UP. / / I greatly admired Pork-O-Tron 5000 for both his porking and acting abilities. Which made it super-painful and slightly ironic when I later caused his death. http://www.goats.com/archive/041006.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 07 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) ... | We were out in Wil Wheaton's Volkswagen bus one night after the shoot ran late. One of his heroin mules had just taken a five-thousand dollar dump and we were in rare form. / / Now remember, Wheaton's a method actor. I had cast him as Gummy, the disaffected skateboarder who has to decide between his heart... http://www.goats.com/archive/041007.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 11 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) ... | THEN I SWITCHED TO ACCESSORY TWELVE;
/ ONLY A PROFESSIONAL ACTRESS CAN ACCOMMODATE THAT ACCESSORY LOL; / Shut up, man. That's enough. / It sounds like there was great conjunction, yes. / / To this day I still don't know where that gun came from. Maybe Sears. / That's it. No one is leaving this microbus alive... http://www.goats.com/archive/041011.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 12 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) ... | I had to think quickly. / Wait, Wil! Is this what Wesley would do? / Is this what GORDIE LACHANCE would do? / / Wil recalling when he and Corey were chased by a train. Jerry O'Connell's face in lower corner. / Sweat stood out on his brow as Wil thought back to his days of running along those train tracks with... http://www.goats.com/archive/041012.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 13 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) ... | Whoa. What the hell? It's like time has STOPPED! / / You have advanced beyond this plane, Wil. It is time you came with me to a plane of existence so fundamentally better than this mundane one that it makes me physically ill just to think about it. / / Together, Wil, we will explore the eternal mysteries of... http://www.goats.com/archive/041013.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 14 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) ... | After that we never saw or heard from Wil Wheaton again. Except for the occasional post on FARK. / / Pork-O-Tron 5000 ~ He Loved To Be A Tank / Poor Pork-O-Tron. He will be missed. / / KOTTER: The Manchurian Sweathog / Fortunately, I caught the whole thing on my minicam. http://www.goats.com/archive/041014.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 18 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) ... | The Kotter movie was a hit. But all the king's money couldn't put Pork-O-Tron 5000 back together again. / I spent weeks in my hotel room, drinking the pain away. / / And all that time, Diablo's face kept appearing to me, laughing and laughing and laughing. / / If it wasn't for him, I would never have come to... http://www.goats.com/archive/041018.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 19 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) ... | So you tracked down Diablo and killed him here in the woods? / Eventually, yes. / / But first I sent Oliver after him with a few well-placed words and a set of MapQuest directions. / They're staying at the Excalibur. / Losers! / / It was only after Oiver proved himself to be as incompetent as his father that I decided... http://www.goats.com/archive/041019.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 20 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) ... | You had Diablo killed by ninjas. Where, pray tell, are these alleged ninjas. / To your right. / / Hey there. / / I totally didn't see those ninjas before. / Hello? What part of 'ninja' don't you understand? http://www.goats.com/archive/041020.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 21 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) ... | Wait. I'm confused. / Big shock there. / / So, in the end, who should we blame for all this? You? Diablo? The ninjas? / Ikea. / Fucking IKEA. / / When Phillip was growing up his parents dressed him in t-shirts with the instructions printed on them. http://www.goats.com/archive/041021.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 25 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) ... | ~ The next morning ~ / We've been in this forest for a full three months now. Can we go home? / Just as soon as we've recovered all of Diablo's constituent parts. / / I think I found something! / Is it extra breast meat? I hate when they do that. / / What is it? / Not sure. I'm guessing spleen. / I'm definitely not... http://www.goats.com/archive/041025.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 26 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) ... | Looks like you've got a few pieces missing there. / We're almost done, no thanks to you. Just a head and some visceral organs to go. / / And don't forget my wallet. / Diablo? / / Why didn't you tell us you were back here? / You were doing such a good job. I didn't want to dishearten you. http://www.goats.com/archive/041026.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 27 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) ... | There. You're as good as new. / Are you sure you guys got everything? / / Fairly certain. / Because my wing is a bit droopy. I think there's a bone missing. / / Phillip, can you look around for a bone? / Oh wait. There it is. http://www.goats.com/archive/041027.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 28 / 2004: a dish best served delicious (or, invoking godwin's law) ... | It's good to be back home, huh? / Yup. And now that all the loose ends have been wrapped up, it's time for a well-deserved break. / / BZZZZZZSPLUTCH / / I demand respect for the LAW!! / End. http://www.goats.com/archive/041028.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 01 / 2004: conversations with phillip (1) | I am going to license you to Michael Eisner for use on Sno-Cone machines! / I'm not for sale buddy. I am my own chicken. / / C'mon, just THINK about the royalities! / Ooh! I'm rich! / / Quick! Spend it now while it's still imaginary! / I have wisely invested it in t-bones. http://www.goats.com/archive/041101.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 02 / 2004: conversations with phillip (2) | Let's say you have a slice of bacon and a slice of cheese. / ...okay. / / What's the best way to assemble them before consumption? / Tie them together with licorice whips. / / What if you're in a zero-gee environment? / I'm going to have to give it some thought. http://www.goats.com/archive/041102.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 03 / 2004: conversations with phillip (3) | Stan, are you really the devil? / Of course not. I'm not even really Stan. / / Then...who are you? / I'm Gary. / / How come you get to be Gary? / I submitted an application. http://www.goats.com/archive/041103.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 04 / 2004: conversations with phillip (4) | I am WAY more old school than you. / Only by three months! / / I remember the old days, when the Fremen controlled the means of production. And Alicia Witt had FREAKY psychic powers! / / I'm so old school Carl Weathers stole my lunch money! / One of you guys is going to have to SHUT UP a lot. http://www.goats.com/archive/041104.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 08 / 2004: guest week(s) 2004 (1) | So what we'll do, see, is I'll hold the ball, and you come running up and kick it. / / Die die die fornicate die die Great Pumpkin Die. / / What you lack is a positive mental attitude, Jerrell. / Die die die / / / HEY, PHILLIP! HEY! / DIE / / I just noticed, Jerrell has a beautiful, womanly behind! / Oh, it's a peach! http://www.goats.com/archive/041108.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 09 / 2004: guest week(s) 2004 (2) | I don't understand this country. I thought I knew what they wanted... / / I offered them genocide of all Muggles! World domination! Death to the non-believers! Who doesn't want that I say?! / Not I, Man. Not I. / / Oh what's the use. I'll probably get killed by a kid by the end of book seven.. / Now now. You're... http://www.goats.com/archive/041109.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 10 / 2004: guest week(s) 2004 (3) | KINDLY STARE INTO THE / JUSTICE STICK http://www.goats.com/archive/041110.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 11 / 2004: guest week(s) 2004 (4) | Whatcha got there, Oliver? / / CLICK! / Transplanal interdimentional time portal hatch unlocking control key energy replicatior... and mp3 player. / / CLICK! CLICK! / Neat, does it work? / Ask your date. / / Did you do somethng different with your hair? http://www.goats.com/archive/041111.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 12 / 2004: guest week(s) 2004 (5) | Mr. Diablo are those your pretzels? / / They are not pretzels they are entrails. / / And yes, they are mine. http://www.goats.com/archive/041112.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 15 / 2004: guest week(s) 2004 (6) | Well, I got fired. / What are we gunna do for money??? / We're all gunna starve!!! / / Now what I have here is a restructuring plan that diverts every car, bus, and ferry through this apartment, requiring them to pay us a toll to drive through.
/ We'll be billionaires by morning. / / There's the first car. Who... http://www.goats.com/archive/041115.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 16 / 2004: guest week(s) 2004 (7) | And the one-eyed waitress suddenly ran past, knocking over my beer, and pulled a gatling-gun out of a broom closet. And do you know what I did then? / No, and I don't care. / / I've just rejected five guys who've hit on me, but for some reason I'm hot for a goat. If you want it, I'm ready. / / / AND??!!! What... http://www.goats.com/archive/041116.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 17 / 2004: guest week(s) 2004 (8) | Diablo, WAIT! Your shoes don't match. / / / Oh, no!! How embarassing! / Eh. It happens to everyone. http://www.goats.com/archive/041117.html |
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