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| Goats comic strip from February / 01 / 1999: stalking the wild ex (16) | Going to Boston was such a waste. / You didn't miss much. All we did was watch "Saving Private Ryan" a few more times. / / I'm beginning to think I'm just not capable of maintaining a relationship. / Man, that movie gets funnier every time I see it. / / I wonder if there's a class you can take in relating to other human beings. / Can we take it over the internet? http://www.goats.com/archive/990201.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 02 / 1999: dungeons and hamsters (1) | I have the wizard hamster! / Okay... everyone roll a 12-sided hamster. / / C'mon, Fluffy... Daddy needs a new pair of shoes. / What is this? / Dungeons and Hamsters. / / Thursdays we play "Hamster: The Gathering." / I didn't see any of this. / Dammit. Scooter ran away again. http://www.goats.com/archive/990202.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 03 / 1999: dungeons and hamsters (2) | My rogue hamster and my wizard hamster go in search of the elusive beefnut. / You encounter a syphillitic orc. Roll to defend yourself. / / I got a 4. / Oh, too bad. The orc kills your wizard hamster and then humps your mother. / / My rogue hamster bitch-slaps the dungeon master. / Unfortunately, the rogue is weak, like a little girl, and is beaten into paste. http://www.goats.com/archive/990203.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 04 / 1999: dungeons and hamsters (3) | My sorcerer hamster corners the elusive beefnut. / The beefnut strikes back with it's sword of flaming feces. / / Sorcerer defends with a charmed can of E-Z Cheez. / The elusive beefnut counters with Ritz crackers, and forces your sorcerer to watch the new "Dilbert" animated T.V. series. / / My sorcerer hamster commits suicide. / A wise decision. http://www.goats.com/archive/990204.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 07 / 1999: dungeons and hamsters (4) | Neil... someone has taken the hamsters. / NO!!! My sweet, sweet Fluffy! / / We must find the thieving villains. Oh, cruel fate, why must you be such a harsh mistress? / Jerrell, did you see who took the hamsters? / / Justice demands graphic, excessive, gratuitous, wanton brutal violence. / Fluffy would have wanted it that way. / Die Die Die http://www.goats.com/archive/990207.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 08 / 1999: dungeons and hamsters (5) | Hear ye! I, Bob of Gramercy, have travelled many leagues to reclaim the hamsters which are my birthright. No thieving elf, halfling, or beefnut will impede my progress. / / What have you cowardly rogues to say for yourselves? / A group of orcs is snickering at us. / / Settle down or I will be forced to kill you. / Now they're throwing popcorn at us. / clank http://www.goats.com/archive/990208.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 09 / 1999: dungeons and hamsters (6) | All right, you obfuscated orc, you leperous lemur... what have you done with my hamsters, you ferret-fellating flap-mouthed furrier! Cankerous churlish cretin. Return the hamsters, puny pox-marked puttock! / What? / / THUNK / / Now that was gratuitous. / He doesn't seem the least bit remorseful. Kill him again. http://www.goats.com/archive/990209.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 10 / 1999: dungeons and hamsters (7) | These people are remarkably uncooperative. / Not to mention rude. / / It looks like we may never find out what happened to the hamsters. / Maybe somebody ate them. / / What? / What? / Uh... I mean, DIE DIE DIE. http://www.goats.com/archive/990210.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 11 / 1999: dungeons and hamsters (8) | Great. So Jerrell ate our hamsters. What a waste of perfectly good rodents. / Not a complete waste... I think we've learned a valuable lesson. / / And what lesson might that be? / Well, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you. / / Is this the "All supermodels should sleep with Bob" lesson we learned last time? / It's still valid. http://www.goats.com/archive/990211.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 14 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (1) | Phillip, are these your pudding cups in the fridge? / Um... yeah. They're mine. / / Then why are they in quantum flux, alternating between states in several different planes of existence? / I like them that way. Keeps 'em fresh. / / I'm assuming you didn't purchase these at the supermarket. / Wait... they sell pudding at the supermarket now? http://www.goats.com/archive/990214.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 15 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (2) | So you don't find anything strange about the fact that enormous quantities of pudding cups have been appearing out of thin air. / Nope. / / In your mind, there's nothing particularly ominous or foreboding about this. / Well, there's no tapioca. / / God, I can smell the foreshadowing. / Right. Like literary devices have distinctive odors. http://www.goats.com/archive/990215.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 16 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (3) | Hand over the pudding cup, Karlsson. / Get your own, freakish troglodyte. / / That's not normal pudding, and you know it. It's evil. Put it down. / How can you attribute evil to something that tastes so good? / / It's listed in the ingredients. / Whoa. Right after riboflavin. http://www.goats.com/archive/990216.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 17 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (4) | All I'm saying is that there's something disturbingly familiar about all this... evil... pudding... interdimensional flux... / I like pudding. / / Wait a second... do you remember the time you invented a way to transport pudding electronically, and ended up in that alternate universe? / No. / / You might want to refresh your memory. Check the archives for the "Pudding Hut" series*. / Way to segue, subtlety-boy. / *Nov. 9, 1997 - Dec. 1, 1997 http://www.goats.com/archive/990217.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 18 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (5) | So what you're saying is that someone from the evil, alternate dimension has recreated my experiments with the pudding transfer protocol, transporting pudding cups from there to our universe? / / I knew you'd get it if I plied you with enough alcohol. / But why would someone do that? And, more importantly, who? / / I'll give you one guess, Karlsson... and it sure ain't Herve Villechaize. http://www.goats.com/archive/990218.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 21 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (6) | HERVE VILLECHAIZE!! / HERVE VILLECHAIZE!! / No, retards. I just finished saying that I wasn't him. I'm far, far more sinister. / / RICARDO MONTALBAN!! / RICARDO MONTALBAN!! / Evil Jon. From the alternate universe. Evil... Jon. We've met before. / / MALCOLM MCDOWELL!! / MALCOLM MCDOWELL!! / I should shoot you both on principle. http://www.goats.com/archive/990221.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 22 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (7) | So, why are you holding us at gunpoint? And why are you transporting evil pudding into our universe? / I'm not telling. / / Aw... c'mon. / Nah. I don't go in for that whole "Tell the Good Guys Your Evil Scheme Before You Destroy Them" convention. It's so cliched. / / And being an evil twin isn't? / Not when you do it with as much flair as I do. http://www.goats.com/archive/990222.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 23 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (8) | So... um... what's the gun for? / Here... I'll show you. / / OING OING OING
/ thwuck / / Where the hell are we? / I don't know, but man... I look good here. http://www.goats.com/archive/990223.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 24 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (9) | Evil Jon seems to have trapped us in some sort of crudely-drawn alternate universe. / Hey. / / Why would he do something like this? / Maybe he's plotting something monstrously evil, and needs to get us out of the way. / / Maybe Jon didn't have time to do real artwork this week. / Maybe you should keep your mouth shut. http://www.goats.com/archive/990224.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 25 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (10) | So how are we going to escape from this alternate post-it universe? / Dunno. By the power of Greyskull? / / And I said cartoons would rot your brain. / Oh! We could construct a powerful computer made solely from the organs of horses. / / And that will help us escape. / No. But how cool would it be to have a computer made from horses? http://www.goats.com/archive/990225.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 28 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (11) | We've got to get out of here. / Hey! Maybe we can rip through the side of the Post-It note. / / Wow. You had an actual thought. / Yeah... Scary, isn't it? / / What's out there? / Nirvana. http://www.goats.com/archive/990228.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 01 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (12) | Phillip, that was brilliant. You got us out of the post-it universe. Congrats. / So do I get mad props? / / Mad props? / Mad props. / / Depends. What's a prop? / Haven't a clue. Can you go get me some scuba gear? http://www.goats.com/archive/990301.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 02 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (13) | Well, we're free. Now we have to find a way to return to our normal size. / I dunno... I kinda like it like this. / / Oh, c'mon. We're smaller than jon's chances of getting a date with a vertebrate. / We're smaller than jon's self-esteem after a trip through the dryer. / / Smaller than jon's social skills in a trash compactor. / Smaller than jon's jock str... / Enough, gentlemen. http://www.goats.com/archive/990302.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 03 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (14) | Jon! What happened to you? / My evil twin trapped me in a cocktail napkin at the other end of the bar. / / Sure he did. How come we never see the two of you together? / How come your head is so large? / / Wake me up when you two nimrods are done. / Someone here needs a 12-step program for schizophrenics. / At least I don't have to attend a big head support group. http://www.goats.com/archive/990303.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 04 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (15) | Great. Evil Jon has the run of the place, we're 4 inches tall, and I'm not attracted to short women. Things can't get any worse. / Yes they can. / / How so? / She's... she's back. / Fabulous. More plot complications. http://www.goats.com/archive/990304.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 07 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (16) | Lori? / You got some 'splaining to do Rosenberg. You and your little chicken friend. / / Interesting... you seem to have quite a temper. Very much unlike your counterpart from my universe. / Temper? After being crated and shipped off to Zimbabwe? Me? / / The level of sarcasm is also somewhat higher. / It's not the sarcasm you need to be worried about. It's the homicidal bent. http://www.goats.com/archive/990307.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 08 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (17) | It took me three months to make my way back here. I had to sleep in the jungle. I had to eat bugs. I had to wear GAP clothing, jon. And the only thing that kept me going was the thought of destroying your beady-eyed chicken friend. / / Very nice. Now shut up and sit down. You're disturbing the pudding. / The pudding's not the only thing that's disturbed. What have you been putting in that stuff? / / Evil. Want some? / I suppose revenge can wait. You have an extra spoon? http://www.goats.com/archive/990308.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 09 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (18) | Pudding is the only substance that is transdimensional by nature. It can be used as a catalyst to transport other objects through dimensional rifts. But it has to be 'tuned' to the universe it's interacting with. Hence, evil pudding can be used as a transdimensional vehicle for the movement of evil-universe objects. / / I don't follow. / In layman's terms, evil objects can use the energy of the pudding to get to places they couldn't on their own. / / Oh! Kinda like how Ed McMahon used Johnny Carson. / True. But Ed doesn't taste quite as good. http://www.goats.com/archive/990309.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 10 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (19) | So what are you gonna do with all this evil pudding, anyway? / Well, the details are somewhat complex, but it's your basic world-domination-type thing. / / You know, maybe it's just the pudding talking, but there's something different about you, Jon... / Give me some sugar, baby. / / He's kissing her!?? / Amongst other things. Wow. Can he do that in a family-oriented comic strip like ours? / Man... I gotta get me some zucchini. http://www.goats.com/archive/990310.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 11 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (20) | If Evil Jon wants to take over the world, that's one thing... but to seduce Lori by pretending to be me is unacceptable. We're going to have to fight evil with evil. / Why don't we fight evil with parsnips? / / Because that's stupid. / Not as stupid as you may think. The parsnip was invented by Edward Parsnip in 1953 as a response to the encroachment of communism in eastern Europe. The parsnip remains one of our primary weapons in the "Cold War" of today. / / And I imagine this has some relevance to our situation. / Nah. I just like to say "parsnip." / Man... I gotta get me some parsnips. http://www.goats.com/archive/990311.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 14 / 1999: altered states (of pudding) (21) | If we're going to stop Evil Jon, we're going to need help. / If you call him, you might as well ask him to sign us up for discount coffins. That freak is useless. / / 25? / For Local
/ For Long / Dial 1
/ Dial / Oh, c'mon... he'll help us. Most of what he does is just an act. Underneath is all, he's just as normal as the rest of us. / / Ring Ring http://www.goats.com/archive/990314.html |
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