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| Goats comic strip from September / 22 / 1998: toothgnip settles down (17) | I...I can't believe I've been dumped by a cross-dressing goat. It'd be one thing if he wasn't ready for commitment, but he just wanted to keep wearing panties. / / Look at me...I'm a pitiful wreck. Goats don't even want me. / Oh, c'mon...you're far too good for him. / / Oh, Jon...every time I think you're... http://www.goats.com/archive/980922.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 23 / 1998: toothgnip settles down (18) | Toothgnip, you've gone too far this time. I can't believe you broke off your engagement with Cheryl so you can keep cavorting with your brainless harlots. Don't you have any concern for her feelings? / / You've crushed her heart, Toothgnip. I hope you've learned your lesson. / / What lesson is he talking... http://www.goats.com/archive/980923.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 24 / 1998: toothgnip settles down (19) | Jon, I want to thank you for your support during this horrible time...You've been caring and sympathetic, and I'm finding myself very attracted to you. / / Of course, being dumped by a transvestite goat has left me in shambles, incapable of emotional intimacy. So I'll just say 'Goodbye.' / Gah. / / See? I... http://www.goats.com/archive/980924.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 25 / 1998: geek patrol (1) | Is it time? / It's time. / / GEEK PATROL!! / GEEK PATROL!! http://www.goats.com/archive/980925.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 27 / 1998: geek patrol (2) | Whoa! Hold on, Miss. That's not the proper way to pour Heifeweizen. / / After placing the glass over the bottle, you invert them both, keeping the neck of the bottle in the beer. This keeps the head down. / / Wow...thank you. You've saved my beer, and I don't even know who you are. / Geek Patrol, ma'am. http://www.goats.com/archive/980927.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 28 / 1998: geek patrol (3) | So you see, kids, dolphins aren't really fish. They're monkeys. / / A dab of saliva will help your house of beer coasters maintain cohesion. / / The Geek Patrol
/ Helping make ordinary people's lives slightly more surreal. http://www.goats.com/archive/980928.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 29 / 1998: geek patrol (4) | The Geek Patrol is ever vigilant! Patheticus quickly dispatches his enemies with a barrage of spare AOL CD-ROMs!!
/ Captain Brunch lays waste to his foes with his secret weapon -- noxious Spam belches! When Captain Brunch and his sidekick Patheticus are on patrol, evil doesn't stand a chance! / / Sidekick? / Think... http://www.goats.com/archive/980929.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 30 / 1998: geek patrol (5) | You're the sidekick, Phillip. We discussed this earlier. / I'm far too powerful to be wasted as a sidekick. / / Powerful? Gaseous emanations don't exactly instill fear in the hearts of evil-doers. / And the ability to make balloon animals is going to deter crime? / / I have other superpowers. / Like what? You... http://www.goats.com/archive/980930.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 01 / 1998: geek patrol (6) | You're the sidekick.
/ Pansy. / No, you're the sidekick.
/ Monkeynuts. / Ahem. / / I hate to interrupt such scintillating conversation, but neither of you is a superhero, much less a sidekick. / / Infidel! Silence the infidel! / My brain! My brain is on fire! Oh, how it burns! / Melodramatic fools. http://www.goats.com/archive/981001.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 02 / 1998: he who controls the spice / diablo live! (1) | Diablo, why are there worms in my beer? / I had to keep them somewhere. / / Let me rephrase: Why are there worms in my beer? / He who controls the worms, controls the spice. / / Note to self: lock the bookshelves. / He who controls the spice, controls the universe!! http://www.goats.com/archive/981002.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 04 / 1998: he who controls the spice / diablo live! (2) | Hand it over, Diablo. / Never, Harkonnen / / The pizza's getting cold, Diablo. Give it to me. / He who controls the spice, controls the universe. / / You can't control the universe with a jar of red pepper. / I also have the garlic powder. http://www.goats.com/archive/981004.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 05 / 1998: he who controls the spice / diablo live! (3) | C'mon, Diablo, give me the red pepper. / You need the pepper, and I need control of the universe. / / Perhaps we can arrange a trade. I need a power base... A pedestal from which I can manipulate the minds of average Americans. A way to warp their moral agendas and drain their intelligence. / / You want... http://www.goats.com/archive/981005.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 06 / 1998: he who controls the spice / diablo live! (4) | diablo LIVE! / / Welcome to Diablo Live! Today, we'll meet a family of inbred trailer park trash who have discovered that the path to familial stability and love is through a balance of mutually assured destruction. / / We like to keep Ferbus Jr.'s head wrapped in plastic explosive. He ain't bothered the... http://www.goats.com/archive/981006.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 07 / 1998: he who controls the spice / diablo live! (5) | Humpback whales: fish or monkey? Today we'll get to the bottom of this age-old mystery on Diablo Live! / / Comments? Ma'am? / Girl, that man is no good for you! You gotta dump that zero and get you a hero! / / Ma'am, our panelist is a whale. / Absolutely! You gotta lose some weight, girl. http://www.goats.com/archive/981007.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 08 / 1998: he who controls the spice / diablo live! (6) | That's all for this week on Diable Live! Be sure to tune in next week, when we'll meet Mrs. Edna Bergen, and her collection of celebrity feces! / / We'll also find out if the Second Amendment protects the rights of cows to carry short-range tactical nuclear weapons... / / ...And we'll take a look at this... http://www.goats.com/archive/981008.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 11 / 1998: he who controls the spice / diablo live! (7) | What happened to your talk show, Diablo? / The guests are just far too bizarre. I'm sticking to what I know best - ideology. / / So what are you reading? / Karl Marx. The man had some interesting ideas. Listen to this - "Religion is the opiate of the masses." / / Isn't opium the opiate of the masses? / Hey...you're... http://www.goats.com/archive/981011.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 12 / 1998: demonic posession (1) | You see that woman at that table over there, Phillip? She wants you. You want her too, don't you? / Yes. / / She likes men who throw lima beans at her, Phillip. You should throw lima beans at her. And set her cat on fire. And serenade her with Jethro Tull's "Aqualung." / Aqualung. / / Hey Phillip. What's... http://www.goats.com/archive/981012.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 13 / 1998: demonic posession (2) | You okay, Phillip? You seem a bit dazed. / Don't panic. He can't see me. / There's no small man on my shoulder. / / What are you talking about? / Dammit, he suspects...now we'll have to kill him. / He must die. / / You stay here. I'm going to run very, very fast in the other direction. / Quickly! Stab him in the... http://www.goats.com/archive/981013.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 14 / 1998: demonic posession (3) | Phillip's been acting strangely. / And Steven Seagal likes little boys. Tell me something I don't know. / / Remember when Phillip got thrown out of the zoo last week for screaming anti-primate epithets at the monkey house? / Yeah... / / He just came in with a canvas sack full of marmosets and a hacksaw. / I'll... http://www.goats.com/archive/981014.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 15 / 1998: demonic posession (4) | Maybe Phillip's not responsible for his actions. Maybe he's been posessed by an evil spirit, or a demon. / / Look, I don't buy into that pseudo-religious claptrap. For millenia, people have been blaming their shortcomings on external forces. Ghouls. Goblins. Devils. Well, it's time that these religious... http://www.goats.com/archive/981015.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 18 / 1998: demonic posession (5) | We can exorcise Phillip's demon by summoning a second demon to evict the first from his body. / How? / / A simple potion. Powdered bone, llama blood, and a touch of newt placenta. / Placenta. / / My signature ingredient. Nothing says "I love you" like placenta. / Tastes like chicken. http://www.goats.com/archive/981018.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 19 / 1998: demonic posession (6) | So, this mixture will help us evict the demon from Phillip's body? / Just slip this into his drink. He should become drowsy and relaxed. / / And then what? / Dim the lights. Compliment him on his dress. Play some Manilow. / / And then what? / Just do whatever comes naturally. You're a big boy, Jon. Haven't... http://www.goats.com/archive/981019.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 20 / 1998: demonic posession (7) | I don't like it. / You want to help Phillip, don't you? / / I don't think we're going to have to trick him. / Yeah, but tricking him into drinking your demon-potion seems a bit backhanded. / / You can have this beer, Phillip, but it's going to cause demonic posession. / Yeah. Whatever. Beer. Gimme. http://www.goats.com/archive/981020.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 21 / 1998: demonic posession (8) | Don't drink it, Phillip. You'll be posessed by a demon... a demon bent on eradicating me. You don't want that, do you? / I... I can't help it... the beer... too powerful... / / Don't do it! For the love of God, no!! Oh, what a world... what a world... / GLUG
/ GLUG
/ GLUG
/ GLUG / / Great. A demon in the form... http://www.goats.com/archive/981021.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 22 / 1998: demonic posession (9) | Normally, you would be dead as *@!?ing fried womp rat by now, but since I'm in a transitional period, I don't want to kill your ass. / / Aren't you here to get rid of me? / Nobody's gonna hurt anybody. We're all gonna be like Greedo. And what's Greedo like? / / He's a dead, reptilian bounty hunter. / Don't get... http://www.goats.com/archive/981022.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 23 / 1998: demonic posession (10) | Did it work? Did our demon exorcise Phillip's other demon? / Too soon to tell. / / Can you imagine what sort of epic battle must be going on in his mind? He'll probably have an embolism from the psychic turbulence. / One can only hope. / / Do you have any threes? / Go fish. http://www.goats.com/archive/981023.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 25 / 1998: demonic posession (11) | Hey guys. / Phillip! You're okay! How do you feel? / / Thirsty. Where's my beer? / Any after-effects from your demonic posession? / / "None at all. I'm fine, guys." / None at all. I'm fine, guys. http://www.goats.com/archive/981025.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 26 / 1998: lori's final fling (1) | Hey, baby. Is it air-conditioned in here, or are you just excited to meet my wonder weasel? / / THWACK!! / / Very smooth, Jay. I think she likes you. / Wonder ferret. Shoulda said ferret. http://www.goats.com/archive/981026.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 27 / 1998: lori's final fling (2) | And you expect to meet intelligent women this way? / No. I expect to meet mute, illiterate nymphs. / / Jay, you are a disgusting, subhuman waste of skin. / And yet, you find me strangely alluring. / / Much in the same way I find rectal bleeding alluring. / See? We even have common interests. http://www.goats.com/archive/981027.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 28 / 1998: lori's final fling (3) | It's not playful, Jay, it's hurtful. You're damaging the self-esteem of those women. / If they didn't want it, they wouldn't dress like that. / / You infuriating, misogynist, soulless bastard. / Hypocritical cock-tease. http://www.goats.com/archive/981028.html |
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