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| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: Beer! Drink it early, drink it often! | [[The innkeeper pushes a very large mug of ale towards Tamlin, who eyes it eagerly. Behind him is a poster reading "Beer! Drink it early, drink it often."]] / [[The innkeeper carries a tray of very large mugs of ale to the other guests. Tamlin stops him.]]
/ Tamlin: One moment please. / [[Tamlin takes the tray.]]
/ Tamlin: I do want to drink them all myself! Hee hee! I just love being a bandit! / [[Tamlin chugs the beer. Behind him, Tamlin is talking to another guest, a young man with spiky hair and an outfit resembling the dress style of the 1980s New Romantics movement. Behind them are two posters, reading "Beer may cause your head to ache" and "But water will give you the plague!" Ragnarok talks to the innkeeper.]]
/ Tamlin: Hee hee glugglugglug
/ Ragnarok: Now that our leader is busy, I'd like to ask you something.
/ Innkeeper: As long as it isn't about God... / Ragnarok: We're on our way to Dungill Fens, but before we arrive we want to get some moral advice from some sages, philosophers, hermits and the likes... / {{Number 50, indicating that this comic, combined with the previous one, forms the 50th full Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan page}} http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060328 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: The barman is more helpful than Ragnarok has any right to expect. | Innkeeper: Sages? Between here and Dungill Fens? Are you quite allright? / [[Tamlin burps and chugs off-panel. Ragnarok offers the Innkeeper a bag of money.]]
/ Ragnarok: We won't mind making some effort ...or a slight detour...
/ Tamlin: < http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060329 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: The Gang leave, but a mysterious stranger is presented with a good reason to keep an eye on them. | [[Atra. Kel, Ragnarok, Jake and Tamlin leave the inn.]] / [[Two men enter the inn bearing brooms, buckets and rolls of paper. Behind them, a poster reads "Booze. It makes you drunk.]] / [[The two men use the brooms and glue from the buckets to stick the rolls of paper to the walls of the inn. In the foreground, the young New Romantic, Jack, looks on.]] / [[The men leave. The posters they have stuck to the wall show bad caricatures of Jake, Atra, Ragnarok, Kel and Tamlin, and read "Wanted - Reward 5000 Clwyds.]] / [[Jack looks at the poster.]]
/ Jack: ! / Jack [[speaking to the innkeeper]]: Those loudmouths - where are they going? http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060330 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: In which the King is shown to resemble a parrot in some respects. | Caption: Meanwhile, at the palace of King Groy the Gold-fevered...
/ [[A man riding a cart drawn by a donkey has been stopped on the palace's drawbridge.]]
/ Driver: I have a delivery of two tonnes of Golden Syrup and a case of Goldmuskateller
/ Guard: Sign here, please. / [[The Artist and the Poet are whispering in one another's ear conspirationally. The King is walking through the palace's corridors.]]
/ Poet: ~Murmur murmur~
/ Artist: Careful! he's coming! / Poet: Bah! A couple hints, a word or two, then someone interrupts again! / Artist: Wait. Mylord, would you like to be surrounded by gold as far as the eye can see?
/ Groy: Yes, please! / [[The Artist pulls the King's giant golden crown down over his head and body.]]
/ Artist: Here you are!
/ King: ! / King: Ooh, shineee!
/ Artist: Where were we? http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060331 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: In which a contraption is demonstrated and the Hemp Hornpipe is mentioned. | [[The Artist unfolds a large roll of paper.]]
/ Poet: When last we talked, a bandit tried
/ and judged to death for ignominious deed
/ was required for the regicide
/ and yet I do not see the need... / Artist: You know that the King likes to get up on the scaffold to taunt the condemneed while they're choking on the gallows? / Artist: I've designe a contraption, which, if you put it in the condemned's shirt, will keep them alive. / Artist: If we bribe the hangman to provide Barnardus with this construction and a deadly weapon, we can't fail! / Poet: Then let us seek out someone ripe to dance for us the Hemp Hornpipe.*)
/ Artist: Indeed.
/ Footnote: The Fandango, being a Moorish-Andalusian dance, was unknown in Clwyd-Rhan. / [[Tamlin, Ragnarok, Atra, Jake and Kel are continuing on their journey through the woods.]]
/ Tamlin: Strange... I feel like we're being followed. http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060403 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: Kel objects that her new beau is not, I repeat NOT uncouth. | Ragnarok: Why did you let such an uncouth character chat you up?
/ Kel: Ha! You should talk! / Kel: And I didn't let him chat me up. And he isn't uncouth.
/ Jake: We're almost at Claudius the Pillar Saint's place. / Kel: What's a Pillar Saint?
/ Ragnarok: A person who sits on top of a pillar to serve the Lord in silence. / [[Kel, Tamlin, Atra, Ragnarok and Jake are observed by a shadowed figure.]]
/ Ragnarok: There's the arid plain he lives on. / Kel: How can someone live all alone on -pant- an arid plain without going mad?
/ Ragnarok: ! http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060404 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: I shouldn't worry too much about that... | [[Atra, Kel, Ragnarok, Tamlin and Jake look at a field filled with tall pillars, each of which is occupied by a skinny, bearded, unkempt man in a loincloth. All the pillars are numbered.]]
/ Ragnarok: I shouldn't worry too much about that. http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060405 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: Claudius the pillar saint has a LOT of colleagues. | [[Ragnarok approaches a pillar saint on a pillar numbered '241'.]]
/ Ragnarok: Which one of you pillar saints is Claudius?
/ St. 241: Pillar 368, can't miss it. Tell him I said hi. / St. 241: And ask him if he's coming over for dinner! / [[Kel, Ragnarok and Tamlin progress through the field of Pillar Saints. The Pillar Saint Claudius is ranting off-panel.]]
/ Claudius: And thunder and lightning will be your lot, and upon your head will be two horns, and hellfire... / [[Claudius rants off-panel.]]
/ Kel: These pillar saints sure are fiery preachers!
/ Jake: Yeah! / [[Sitting on Pillar no. 368, Claudius is in a heated argument with the Pillar Saint on Pillar 369. Behind them, Pillar Saint no. 371 is covering his ears wearily.]]
/ Claudius: Forty times forty demons will forever stab at your loins!
/ St. 369: May Beelzebub defecate on your heathen beard! / Ragnarok: Are you the holy man callled Claudius? http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060406 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: They do have mighty tall pillars, don't they? | Claudius: See? I'm in demand! What do you say about that, mister my-pillar-is-bigger-than yours?
/ St. 369: Eat my loincloth, you poseur! / St. 371: A POX ON BOTH OF YOU! I've had to listen to this for fifty years! Cut it out or I'll start throwing things!
/ St. 369: Oh yeah? Like what? / St. 371: ... / St. 371: My loincloth! If you don't shut up, I'll throw my loincloth at you!
/ St. 369: Bring it on! Blessed are those who inherit the loincloth! / [[St. 371 speaks off-panel. Kel leans against the pillar in a crouching position, exhaling.]]
/ St. 371: Damn right! Boethius writes: "Let him who hath understanding eat dirty loincloth!"
/ Kel: Pffff... http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060407 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: The pillar saints are inventive at invective but it's unlikely that any wisdom is to be found among them. | St. 359: Yes, little girl, it's been like this for fifty years! All those fights over whose pillar is biggest! It'd make you scratch where it doesn't itch! / St. 360: "HIDDWUDDMAKAMANSCRATSHWHERITDOESN'TITSCH!" Senile old coot! If you don't like it here, you can just piss off! / [[St. 359 is hit by a loincloth.]]
/ St. 359: Stay out of it, you scurvy dog with your backward- / [[St. 371 speaks off-panel.]]
/ St. 359: And you, keep your dirty loincloth to yourself!
/ St. 371: Hahaha! / St. 371: Chuckle!
/ St. 359: Don't laugh, you unholy flea-bag! / [[St. 359 speaks off-panel.]]
/ St. 359: ... or I'll toss my bible at your piggy snout!
/ St. 371: You want a fight? Bring it on! / [[St. 359 speaks off-panel. Kel taps the side of her head with her index finger.]]
/ St. 359: Very funny! May your pillar sink into the ground and may Lucifer grind you to a pulp!
/ Ragnarok: I don't think we'll find much wisdom here, guys! Let's go!
/ < http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060410 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: Kel sees the opportunity for a bad joke. Some thieves see an opportunity for plunder. And then there's that guy... | Jake: We can put up our tent in this clearing.
/ Tamlin: Okay. / Caption: That night...
/ [[Kel and Ragnarok speak from within the tent.]]
/ Kel: Who was it who said that the clergy were the pillar of society?
/ RagnaroK: Go to sleep, Kel. / [[Two bandits stand outside the tent, pointing.]]
/ 1. Bandit: Their tracks end here.
/ 2. Bandit: You mean in that tent. / 2. Bandit: What are we waiting for? Let's go in! / [[Jack, the New Romantic, speaks off-panel.]]
/ 1. Bandit: Okay, I'll-
/ Jack: Ahem! / Jack: Please stay away from that tent! http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060411 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: The King decides to oversee his campaign in Dungill Fens to flush out banditry himself! | Caption: The next morning, at King Groy's palace...
/ [[A man driving a hearse drawn by a goat has been stopped on the palace's drawbridge.]]
/ Driver: I have bad news for the King. His Golden Pheasant died yesterday.
/ Guard: Damn! That's another two weeks of official mourning. Can't you hush it up? / [[The King is talking to the Artist and the Poet.]]
/ Groy: The campaign to clean up the border duchies is going far too slowly. I have decided to travel to Dungill Fens... / Groy: ...to oversee operations myself! / [[The King and his entourage, consisting of guards, headsmen, the Racing Goblin, Sedan chair bearers, the Artist, the Poet and a jester, leave the palace.]]
/ Artist: No, of course he won't take a coach. He'd have to pay the wheel tax!
/ Poet: To himself?
/ Racing Goblin: Oooah me head! / Groy: WAIT! http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060412 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: In which the Artist proves himself to have an almost usable grasp of the King's unique logic. | Artist: Sire?
/ Groy: MY GOLD! IT'S STILL AT THE PALACE! / Poet: With rapidity racing, neither diddling nor dawdling / We'll gather your gold here to greet you, oh Godling.
/ Artist: All of it?
/ Groy: Yes! All of it! And make it snappy! Before I get withdrawal symptoms! / Groy: Brrr... Imagine traveling all the way to Dungull Fens without gold... / Artist: Can't we just take gold from the local population?
/ Groy: Good point. / Groy: You know what? I'll bring my own gold AND take that of the Dungill Fens populace!
/ Artist: Brillian, Sire. / Groy: It is, isn't it? What do you call a solution like that, again? Com... compri...
/ Artist: Compromise.
/ Groy: Oh, yeah. Compramise. http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060413 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: The Oracle has nothing to offer but doom, gloom and cold fronts. | [[Tamlin is the first to reach the top of the mountain, where the Oracle Joachim Piepelmeyer the Younger sits in contemplation, and also smoking a pipe.]]
/ Caption: On the Rahball Mountain...
/ Tamlin: Yes! This is the right place! / Tamlin: Greetings, oh oracle...
/ Kel: Er... Tamlin! / Tamlin: We've got a dilemma we've been unable to solve. Can you-
/ Piepelmeyer: Forecast for the next few days: Variable... / Tamlin: VARIABLE?
/ Piepelmeyer: ...A cold front will be coming in from the west bringing chilly conditions... / [[Piepelmeyer speaks off-panel. Behind Tamlin, Kel is struggling to pull herself up towards the top of the ravine.]]
/ Piepelmeyer: ... the sun won't be visible through the clouds... an ill wind will blow o'er the land...
/ Kel: Hey! Tamlin! / [[Piepelmeyer speaks off-panel.]]
/ Piepelmeyer: The skies will be gloomy and overcast without any bright spots!
/ Tamlin: Shit! A weather oracle! http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060414 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: Kel is displeased by Tamlin's planning of the gang's itinerary. | [[The Oracle Joachim Piepelmeyer the Younger speaks off-panel.]]
/ Piepelmeyer: Visibility will be affected by dense fog...
/ Tamlin: Guys, we can leave! / [[Joachim Piepelmeyer the Younger and Kel speak off-panel. Tamlin looks down.]]
/ Piepelmeyer: ...which will change into thick, low clouds.
/ Kel: Great! / [[Kel, Ragnarok, Jake and Atra are still dangling from a rope over the abyss.]]
/ Kel: But could you help us up first? I'm getting cramp! / Kel: And now we have to go all the way down again, right?
/ Tamlin: it's less steep if we use the southern route. / Caption: A loud "WHUMP!" echoes through the highlands. / [[Kel walks off. Tamlin has a black eye.]]
/ Kel: You might have mentioned it earlier! http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060417 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: The gang offer themselves a brief respite from all that sleeping in tents. | [[Jake, Ragnarok, Atra, Kel and Tamlin walk through the forest.]]
/ Ragnarok: That was another waste of time. Three sages to go!
/ Kel: Look! An inn! / Ragnarok: How about if we spent a night in a real bed?
/ Kel: ...And took a bath? / Tamlin: Hmmm... alright! After today, we've deserved that! / [[The gang check in at the inn.]]
/ Kel: Yay! We won't have to sleep in that tent!
/ Tamlin: We would like a room and two tubs. ...And, er... a lot of booze! / [[The innkeeper leads the gang towards the bath house. Assorted guests of the inn eye the gang.]]
/ Innkeeper: The bath house is this way. http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060418 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: Kel suspects something. Tamlin does not. | [[Ragnarok, Atra, Jake, Kel and Tamlin sit in two bathtubs at the bath house. Tamlin has a drink.]]
/ Ragnarok: Ahhhh....this is perfect!
/ Tamlin: Atra! Pass the soap, will you? / Kel: I think we're being watched!
/ Tamlin: What, you've never been to an Authentic Medieval Bath House? ~Glugg~ / [[Kel speaks off-panel. Other bath house guests eye the gang suspiciously.]]
/ Kel: No, that's not it... / Kel: Everyone here is giving us dirty looks... even that innkeeper...
/ Tamlin: Nonsense! Soon that innkeeper will be coming in with more wine and- / [[The innkeeper slams open the door (against one of the tubs), letting a group of guards in. The Rogues jump from their tubs.]]
/ Innkeeper: That's them! Seize them!
/ < http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060419 |
| Fantasy Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: Elves, Witches, Vikings and Beer! | [[Off-panel, more guards rush in, and a big fight takes place. The Innkeeper tries to smooth things over with one of the bath house guests.]]
/ Innkeeper: Would you like some more wine, ma'am?
/ Guest: Yes, please!
/ < http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060420 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: After the fight is done with, the inn doesn't look so classy anymore. | [[The guards slip into a tub.]]
/ < http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060421 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: Atra mourns her losses... | [[Later, in the forest...]] / Ragna: And?
/ Tamlin: It's not so bad. We've only lost a few small items.
/ Atra: < http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060424 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: Kel is given ample reason to grumble even though she won't have to lug all those swords around anymore. | Ragnarok: We'll also have to go armed at all times.
/ Kel: Good! That means I won't have to lug as much stuff around! / [[Atra sobs from off-panel.]]
/ Ragnarok: ...And tonight I want someone to stand guard outside the tent. ...Kel?
/ Kel: Like I said: Shit!
/ Atra: ~Sob~ / Jake: What are you upset about, Atra?
/ Atra: ~Sob~ we're out of soap... / [[At night. Kel sits outside the tent, armed with a halberd, sulking. Ragnarok, Tamlin, Atra and Jake snore inside the tent.]]
/ Caption: A quiet night passes.
/ Kel: Grmblmbl!
/ Ragnarok/Atra/Jake/Tamlin: Z / [[In the morning. Ragnarok is untangling her hair.]]
/ Jake: Today?
/ Ragnarok: The hag from the Dripstone Cave! http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060425 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: The Rogues are somewhat worried so they send Atra ahead to reconnoitre. | [[Tamlin, Ragnarok and Atra stand in front of the entrance to the Dripstone Cave, which is closed by a wooden door.]]
/ Tamlin: The Dripstone cave... / Tamlin: I'm not sure we should go in...
/ Ragnarok: Why not? / Ragnarok: The worst that can happen is that she's not a real hag...
/ Kel: Or a very nasty one. / [[Tamlin grabs Atra by the elbow.]]
/ Tamlin: Let's send Atra in there! She's a qualified witch!
/ Atra: ? / Atra: Okay.
/ Tamlin: We'll, er... hide behind these bushes. / [[Atra knocks off-panel. The Hag answers off-panel. Ragnarok, Tamlin, Jake and Kel hide behind a bush.]]
/ < http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060426 |
| The Hag is nice enough and invites the gang in for light beverages. | Atra: We've got a difficult question...
/ Witch: Would you like to come in for a cup of drool of toad and a bite of soap?
/ Atra: Don't mind if I do! / [[Atra beckons for the rest of the group to join her.]] / Witch: Moral dilemmas? I don't do those. I do have nifty herbal potions against gout, rheumatism and yellow fever... / Witch: ...and many potions to deter gents from coming near you, for fear of getting scrubbed out.
/ [[A large drip lands on Kel's head.]] http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060427 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: The Rogues consider their visit to the Hag a washout. But now, how to contact Wythllew? | [[Kel, Tamlin, Jake, Atra and Ragnarok walk away from the Dripstone cave.]]
/ Kel: What a washout that was!
/ Tamlin: I wash my hands of it. It wasn't my idea!
/ Jake; I'm frothing at the mouth!
/ Ragnarok [[thinks]]: No need to get in a lather over this. They'll get over their griping soon enough. / [[The Rogues trudge through the forest.]]
/ Tamlin: Strange... it feels like someone is following us... / [[Ragnarok speaks off-panel. Behind Kel, eyes watch the rogues from the gloom of the forest.]]
/ Ragnarok: That's just because this forest is so dark and gloomy. / [[Two pairs of eyes belong to faeries.]]
/ 1. Faerie: Watch out for the gnome. He knows some dirty tricks. / [[Ragnarok speaks off-panel. Another pair of eyes belong to "Jack", the mysterious stranger. Another pair belongs to a wolf.]]
/ Ragnarok: Let's deal with the next sage. How do you lure a faerie into a ring of stinkhorns? / [[Ragnarok, Atra and Jake stand in front of Wythllew's tree. A sign on the tree says "Disturb not, Faerie at work.]]
/ Ragnarok: ...Especially if she lives inside a cloven pine? http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060428 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: The one smell in the Universe that's worse than Stinkhorns: Gnomes' feet! | Jake: It's very simple. There's only one smell faeries hate more than stinkhorns... / Jake: Gnomes' feet! That's how we used to hunt faeries back in the land of Gnomes! / [[Jake takes off one of his shoes.]]
/ Jake: If I take off my shoes...
/ Ragnarok: Oh dear / [[Jake holds up a sock. Noxious funes emanate from it.]]
/ Jake: ...And hang up this sock...
/ Ragnarok: Er... Jake... we'll be gathering stinkhorns... / [[Kel carries a large pile of stinkhorns to add to the ring.]]
/ Caption: Later...
/ Kel: These are the last... http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060501 |
| The fae Wythllew is not amused at being summoned out of her tree. | Jake: There she comes! / [[A shape emerges from the tree.]] / [[Wythllew appears.]] / Wythllew: Who dares vex the faerie Withllew with this vile gnome-pong! / Jake: Me, your fae-ness! / Withllew: A gnome, forsooth! Gird thyself for eternal vexation!
/ Jake: Tut, tut! / Jake: Look down! http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060502 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: The Rogues pose their problem to the faerie. But the answer is interrupted. | Wythllew: Stinkhorns! In my wrath, I had not snuffled them... very well, gnome. What wilthou?
/ Jake: An answer! / Tamlin: Oh wise faerie... we are bandits and we have a problem! / Tamlin: This is our enemy's death warrant. Should we risk our own necks to deliver it? / Ragnarok: ...Or do nothing, even if it means he'll walk free and bother us again? / [[Tamlin speaks off-panel.]]
/ Wythllew: If I answer, wilt deliver me from that sock?
/ Tamlin: Of course! / [[Wythllew is interrupted by mad cackling from witches, off-panel.]]
/ Wythllew: 'Isooth, the answer is thou shouldst-
/ Witches: Whaa ha ha haa ha ha ha ha!
/ Tamlin: ? http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060503 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: There's a witches' sabbath going on! Atra knows what to do. | [[Wythllew, Kel and Jake look at the source of the cackling, the still unseen witches.]]
/ Wythllew: For-drat! A witches' sabbath!
/ < http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060504 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: In Which Atra shows her unscrupulous side | [[Jake, Kel and Ragnarok follow Atra into the Sabbath grounds.]]
/ Kel: Look, someone's turned herself into a black cat... / Atra: What's that?
/ 1. Witch: A magic horn... / 1. Witch: If you speak into this end, the sound comes out very loud... / [[The witch hands the magic horn to Atra.]]
/ 1. Witch: Go on, try it... / [[Atra holds the horn in front of her face and yells into it.]]
/ Atra: Okay... humm... Ladies, gentlemen and demons! / [[Atra's amplified voice is heard from off-panel. The witches stop what they are doing, startled by Atra's announcement.]]
/ Atra: This is commander Alvarez of the Spanish Inquisition, Witchfinding and Burning Division! You are surrounded! Do not move!
/ Witches: ! http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060505 |
| Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: The Rogues take the spoils of the sabbath, but miss out on the answer. | [[The witches fly off in a panic, except for the ones who teleport themselves.]]
/ < http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20060508 |
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