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shakespeare punchlinez T-Rex: I have thought of the perfect prank to play on the Utahraptor! I will confide in him personal stories about my youth... / T-Rex: ... stories that, it turns out, are false! / T-Rex: That way, years down the road if he ever chances to mention one of these stories, I will be able to say, "Got you!" / T-Rex: He'll say, "What?", obviously confused since my prank was years in the making. But once i explain that I was in fact LYING to him when he though he had my trust, he will laugh heartily and concede that I did indeed "get him"! / Utahraptor: Hi, T-Rex! Do you have any personal stories of your youth you'd like to confide in me? / T-Rex: I do! / Utahraptor: These stories wouldn't happen to be FAKE stories, would they? / T-Rex: um / Utahraptor: T-Rex! Were you going to tell me fake stories? / Utahraptor: You were! / T-Rex: Hoisted by my own petard!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=211
i'll kick his ass! T-Rex: Brrr... it's getting cold out! / T-Rex: This means that winter is coming! / T-Rex: Luckily, as a warm-blooded being, this cold weather means little to me! / Utahraptor: That's a matter of some debate! / T-Rex: Oh? / Utahraptor: Yes, some would argue that you are in fact a cold-blooded being! / T-Rex: Who'd say that? / Utahraptor: Um - you know... people! / T-Rex: Who? / Utahraptor: Just this guy I know, alright? / T-Rex: I'll kick his ass!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=212
paid by the 'awesome' T-Rex: I have been thinking, and I have come to the conclusion that it would be pretty sweet to be called as a witness in some sort of murder trial! / T-Rex: Pretty sweet indeed, my friends! Pretty sweet indeed! / Dromiceiomimus: Why do you think it would be so great to be called as a witness in a murder trial? Do you want to have witnessed a murder? / T-Rex: Not hardly! But I do want to be able to testify under oath, that I, T-Rex, am an AWESOME DUDE. It will go in the official court record! It will probably be reported in the papers! / Utahraptor: Yeah, it will probably cause a mistrial! / T-Rex: What? No! / Utahraptor: Yes! They'll say, "Objection! Witness is causing a mistrial!" / T-Rex: No they won't! / Utahraptor: "Additionally, witness is clearly not an awesome dude, as awesome dudes need not point out their own awesomeness!" / T-Rex: But wouldn't it be SO AWESOME to discuss your own awesomeness in open court, that it would be a special case? / T-Rex: I would argue, "yes"!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=213
talking dinosaurs discuss objectivism Narrator: OBJECTIVISM COMICS / T-Rex: Everyone (including me) is an end in himself: not a means to an end for others! / T-Rex: This means I should exist for my own sake, neither sacrificing myself to others, nor sacrificing others to myself! The pursuit of my own rational self interest, and happiness, is the highest moral purpose of my life! / T-Rex: If I must deal with others, it should be as TRADERS, in a pure capitalist system. No charity! No sympathy! Just business, an exchange of value for value. / Utahraptor: But where does love fit into this system of Objectivism, T-Rex? / T-Rex: What do you mean? / Utahraptor: Well if everything is viewed as a business arrangement between traders without charity, then how can you have love? Love is selfless. / T-Rex: Nope! Love is selfISH. You see value in someone, and they see value in you! You want access to this value, so you arrange a spiritual exchange. / T-Rex: Hey, that rhymes!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=214
the middle ground Narrator: LOGICAL FALLACY COMICS PRESENTS: / Narrator: "THE MIDDLE GROUND" / T-Rex: This fallacy is when you assume that since a position is between two extremes, it must be right! / T-Rex: It seems to occur because often, this IS the case. For instance, eating a moderate amount of food is better than eating to excess, or eating not at all. / T-Rex: However, just because a case is between two extremes does not make it automatically correct! It must be JUSTIFIED. / Utahraptor: Well, what's an example where the middle ground is not correct? / T-Rex: Easy! / T-Rex: Say you think I should go on a trip around the world, while I assure you that I can't afford it and that I should stay home. From that, we would conclude that I should go on a trip exactly half-way around the world, where I'd probably run out of money and get stuck! / Utahraptor: Sounds good to me! / T-Rex: Luckily, we have arrived to that conclusion via a fallacy so I will be making no such trip!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=216
 
the lady at the supermarket T-Rex: I was asked by a friend of mine how he could tell his sweetheart that he loves her in a new, exciting way! He's worried that he's said the same old thing too often, and that it's getting stale. / T-Rex: I assured him that there are infinitely-many ways to say "I love you"! / T-Rex: For instance, you could say "I love you", but you could also say "I really love you"! Or, for that matter: "I really really love you!" / T-Rex: Therefore, since you can have an arbitrary number of 'really's, there are an infinite number of ways to say "I love you". / Utahraptor: That's not very helpful, is it? You're just adding the same adverb over and over again! / T-Rex: So? / Utahraptor: So, no woman would sit around while you said "really really really really" for two hours. Anyway, after the third 'really' you move from "emphatic" to "damn creepy"! / T-Rex: Well that explains why that woman at the supermarket never replied to my letters! / T-Rex: Also they were anonymous!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=217
story of my life T-Rex: Last night it occured to me that an evening at the theatre would be a delightful distraction! / T-Rex: However, when I arrived, they were out of tickets! / Narrator: "THE STORY OF MY LIFE" / T-Rex: It's the story of my life! / Dromiceiomimus: What does that mean, "story of my life"? / T-Rex: It means that that one incident is indicative of a larger trend in my life. / Utahraptor: What larger trend are you possibly talking about? The trend of theatres being full? / T-Rex:Yes! / T-Rex: But in a METAPHORICAL sense. / Utahraptor: A metaphorical sense. What metaphor would that be, exactly? / T-Rex: You know! Theatres! Full! No tickets! / Utahraptor: I'm sorry, T-Rex, I really don't follow. / T-Rex: You were THERE!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=218
one page from 'on the origin of species' Narrator: DINOSAUR COMICS PRESENTS: / Narrator: "ONE PAGE FROM 'ON THE ORIGIN OF SPECIES' BY CHARLES DARWIN" / T-Rex: Any variation which is not inherited is unimportant for us. / T-Rex: But the number and diversity of inheritable deviations of structure, both those of slight and those of considerable physiological importance, is endless. Dr. Prosper Lucas's treatise, in two large volumes, is the fullest and the best on this subject. / Utahraptor: No breeder doubts how strong is the tendency to inheritance: like produces like is his fundamental belief. / Utahraptor: Doubts have been thrown on this principle by theoretical writers alone. / T-Rex: When a deviation appears not unfrequently, and we see it in the father and child, we cannot tell whether it may not be due to the same original cause acting on / T-Rex: both; but when amongst individuals, apparently exposed to the same conditions, any very rare deviation, due to some extraordinary combination of circumstances, appears in the parent--say, once amongst several million individuals--and it reappears in the child, the mere doctrine of chances almost compels us to a-
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=219
it's the only thing i really wanted T-Rex: I Think it would be nice if I gave presents to people, once a year! Furthermore, it would be nice if I did this on a set day. / T-Rex: I will call this day "Dinosaur Present Day, Featuring T-Rex"! / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, did you know that Dinosaur Present Day, Featuring T-Rex, is coming up? / Dromiceiomimus: How can Dinosaur PRESENT day be coming up? / T-Rex: Ho ho ho, I get it. No, "present" as in the gift! / Dromiceiomimus: Ha ha ha! / Narrator: LATER: / Utahraptor: You're going to be giving out presents, T-Rex? / T-Rex: I am! / Utahraptor: Awesome! What am I getting? / T-Rex: It's a surprise! / Utahraptor: Is it a... DOG? / T-Rex: No. / Utahraptor: Is it a... SANDWICH? / T-Rex: No!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=220
i will do this using capitalism T-Rex: I need to think of awesome presents to get all my friends! / T-Rex: Then I'll go out and buy these gifts! I will do this using CAPITALISM. / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, If you could have anything in the whole world, what would you want? / Dromiceiomimus: Peace and love and joy and hope and truth and beauty. / T-Rex: Really? Hmm... / Utahraptor: What's the matter, T-Rex? You seem preoccupied. / T-Rex: I am! / T-Rex: I'm worried that my Dinosaur Present Day, Featuring T-Rex, has become too commercial! We've forgotten about the true spirit of the day. / Utahraptor: How can a one-day-old holiday have a true spirit? / T-Rex: That's the magic of Dinosaur Present Day, Featuring T-Rex!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=221
 
sexy exciting presents T-Rex: I've decided that despite the commercialism of the season, I will still be giving out presents to all my friends! / T-Rex: However, I will achieve this by sneaking into their houses and leaving the presents there! / Narrator: SHORTLY... / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, I think you should examing your house carefully tomorrow morning! / Dromiceiomimus: Why's that? / T-Rex: I have a hunch you might find some surprises there, is all! / Utahraptor: We'll still know it's you who put the presents there, T-Rex! / T-Rex: True! / Utahraptor: So, if it's not the anonymity you want, why are you going to all the trouble to sneak into our houses? / T-Rex: It's no trouble! / T-Rex: I just like the excitement of giving people presents! / T-Rex: It makes me feel kind of sexy, you know?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=222
i would like to have that portrait T-Rex: Dinosaur Present Day, Featuring T-Rex, has been a complete success! / T-Rex: People even gave ME presents! It was awesome! / T-Rex: Thank you so much for the little gloves, Dromiceiomimus! / Dromiecieomimus: Well thank YOU for the chocolates, T-Rex! They were very nice. / T-Rex: Nice chocolates for a nice lady! / Utahraptor: This holiday of yours seems to have spread a lot of goodwill! / T-Rex: Indeed! / Utahraptor: Wouldn't it be great if EVERY day could be Dinosaur Present Day? / T-Rex: Featuring T-Rex? That would be a lot of presents! / Utahraptor: Speaking of which: thanks for the portrait! It's a very good likeness. / T-Rex: Yeah man! / T-Rex: I am giving a "thumbs up"!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=223
disappointed dentist re: flossing T-Rex: Today I am excited! Today I did not forget my dentist appointment! / T-Rex: Today I will be the one to impress my dentist with my personal oral hygiene! / T-Rex: I spent an hour this morning making sure that my teeth were sparkly clean. I practiced in the mirror saying "Of course I floss after every meal", "Of course, Doctor! I floss after every meal", and "Floss after every meal? Of course!" / T-Rex: I practiced until I got it RIGHT. / Utahraptor: Well, do you floss after every meal? / T-Rex: Not hardly! / T-Rex: But every time I go he asks, and every time I feel like I let him down - personally, you know? Like he has twenty kids and I'm the only one who doesn't floss and he doesn't know why. / Utahraptor: That's very sad. / T-Rex: It gets sadder! Sometimes I imagine he's bought books on how to get your kid to floss, and he's tried everything the books say but still, I don't floss - and he's started to wonder if there is something wrong with HIM. Has he failed me as a dentist? As a FATHER? Where did it all go wrong?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=224
everybody dies (anti-pun) Narrator: COMICS IN WHICH THE MAIN CHARACTER IS TIRED OF PUNS AND SO EVERYBODY DIES / T-Rex: I wonder what the longest word in the dictionary is! / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, do you know what the longest word in the dictionary is? / Dromiceiomimus: Hmm... is this a riddle? Is the answer "longest"? / T-Rex: Ha ha, no, this isn't a riddle. It's a real question I'm investigating! / Utahraptor: Ooh! T-Rex! I know the longest word in the dictionary! / T-Rex: What? / Utahraptor: "Smiles"! / T-Rex: "Smiles". / Utahraptor: Because there's a "mile" between the first and last letters! / T-Rex: That's it! / T-Rex: Everybody dies!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=225
everybody dies (anti-pun) Narrator: COMICS IN WHICH THE MAIN CHARACTER IS TIRED OF PUNS AND SO EVERYBODY DIES / T-Rex: I wonder what the longest word in the dictionary is! / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, do you know what the longest word in the dictionary is? / Dromiceiomimus: Hmm... is this a riddle? Is the answer "longest"? / T-Rex: Ha ha, no, this isn't a riddle. It's a real question I'm investigating! / Utahraptor: Ooh! T-Rex! I know the longest word in the dictionary! / T-Rex: What? / Utahraptor: "Smiles"! / T-Rex: "Smiles". / Utahraptor: Because there's a "mile" between the first and last letters! / T-Rex: That's it! / T-Rex: Everybody dies!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=225
history teacher (pro-pun) Narrator: THE HISTORY TEACHER / T-Rex: Many hundreds of years ago, things were done in different ways! / T-Rex: Many things were more primitive. All of the modern conveniences you take for granted did not exist! / T-Rex: People died at a younger age. / T-Rex: Travel was harder and took much longer! / Utahraptor: T-Rex, your history lesson has no value! / T-Rex: Why would you say that? / Utahraptor: Because you're not giving any real information, just general trends! / Utahraptor: I'm sorry, but I don't think you'll make a very good history teacher. / T-Rex: Then I guess my career as an educator is... / T-Rex: ...history?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=226
 
new year's resolutions Narrator: NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS / T-Rex: New Year's Resolutions are used to make changes in your life! / T-Rex: Classically, one would make private resolutions and endeavour to carry these out over the new, unblemished year. However, this tradition has changed over time! / T-Rex: People now choose to announce their resolutions, perhaps in the hopes of making their pledges more likely to be fulfilled. Worse, in some families members make resolutions for each other: a recipe for fighting and snide, sarcastic suggestions! / Utahraptor: Hey, that sounds like a great idea, T-Rex! Let's make resolutions for each other! / T-Rex: Huh? / T-Rex: Weren't you listening? This will only lead to conflict! / Utahraptor: No, it'll be great! Do me first. / T-Rex: No! / Utahraptor: Come on! / Utahrapror: I've got one for you! / T-Rex: Y-you have one prepared? / T-Rex: You jerk! You brought a list!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=227
unambiguous answers to old rhetorical questions Narrator: WHY DO WE DRIVE ON A PARKWAY AND PARK ON A DRIVEWAY? / T-Rex: Because the words have two different origins. / Narrator: UNAMBIGUOUS ANSWERS TO OLD RHETORICAL QUESTIONS COMICS / Narrator: WHY DON'T THEY MAKE THE ENTIRE AIRPLANE OUT OF THE SAME STUFF BLACK BOXES ARE MADE OF? / T-Rex: Because that would be impractical. / Narrator: WHAT DO THEY USE TO SHIP STYOFOAM? / Utahraptor: They use boxes! / T-Rex: Yes, boxes. / Narrator: IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO? / T-Rex: No, they would not. / Utahraptor: That's silly. / Narrator: IS IT TRUE THAT CANNIBALS DON'T EAT CLOWNS BECAUSE THEY TASTE FUNNY? / T-Rex: ARGH!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=229
tweens T-Rex: I received some excellent news last night: that I've been accepted in a part-time job at the local middle school (grades 6-8)! / T-Rex: I'll be teaching TWEENS! / Dromiceiomimus: Look, um, T-Rex - don't say that word. No real person ever uses that word. / T-Rex: Then I will be the first! / Dromiceiomimus: No, please, T-Rex, don't use that word.You know who uses that word? Jerks use that word, T-Rex. / Narrator: SOON: / T-Rex: I don't care what she says! I'm using the word "tweens"! / Utahraptor: No you're not! / T-Rex: Not you too! / Utahraptor: "Tweens" is a totally illegitimate word! Older children are either adolescents or teenagers. No "tweens". / Utahraptor: "Tweens". / Utahraptor: Can you taste it on your tongue? "Tweens". / NARRATOR: SHORTLY... / T-Rex: Ok tweens, I'll be your substitute teacher for today! / T-Rex: And I was once a tweenager too, so I don't want any tween tricks played on me! Alright, tweens?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=230
ahh... much better! T-Rex: I feel as if I've spent the past year in some sort of alternate reality! Indeed, if I were to describe my adventures over the past several months, I would describe them as... / T-Rex: Non-canon! / Narrator: SHORTLY... / T-Rex: Today is a beautiful day to be stomping on things, out here in the REAL world! How are you today, Gertie? / Dromiceiomimus: Just fine, Manospondylus Gigas! / T-Rex: Ha ha! That of course is my name, which is why I am responding to it! I'm fine today, Gertie! / Utahraptor: Manospondylus G.! Want to go out and get hammered? / T-Rex: Hell yes! / Utahraptor: Great. Me and my wife'll meet you at the Nisti Drinker, say, around seven? / T-Rex: Great! I too will bring my wife. / T-Rex + Utahraptor: We're both married! / T-Rex: Ha ha ha!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=231
compressed bible comics - today's genre: teen magazine confessional Narrator: COMPRESSED BIBLE COMICS / Narrator: today's genre: TEEN MAGAZINE CONFESSIONAL / T-Rex: Dear Seventeen, / T-Rex: I was in the Garden of Eden, and I don't know what I was thinking, but... I ate the forbidden fruit! / T-Rex: It was SO embarrasing! My fave crush was there and he saw everything! Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, God showed up, and he kicked us both out of the Garden... for good! I could have died! / T-Rex: Then, when we were outside, I suddenly knew shame for the first time... and my crush did too! I swear I never blushed so much in my enitre life! / T-Rex: There is a silver lining though - we are now completely in love, despite what happened! / Utahraptor: Eve! / Utahraptor: You're not writing to another teen magazine, are you? / T-Rex: S-sorta? / Utahraptor: Eve! The whole world doesn't need to know that stuff! / Utahraptor: I'm totally breaking up with you, Eve! For real this time! / Narrator: THAT EVENING... / T-Rex: And he never called me again!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=232
 
things that don't exist T-Rex: Unicorns and flying submarines are two things that do not exist! / Narrator: T-REX IN: "THINGS THAT DO NOT EXIST" / T-Rex: Other things that don't exist include talking plants and ham and cheese sandwiches that are made out of neither ham nor cheese! / T-Rex: These things DON'T EXIST. / T-Rex: Also: Objectivity. / Utahraptor: Why are you listing things that don't exist? You could be here, literally, forever! / T-Rex: So? / T-Rex: At the end, I'll have an exhaustive list of Things That Don't Exist. Then in the future if anybody ever wants to see if something exists, they could just consult my list! / Utahraptor: But people will always be coming up with new things that don't exist! / T-Rex: Mine the task eternal!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=233
i wonder what life would be like if i were never born T-Rex: I wonder what the world would be like if I had never been born! / T-Rex: I wonder! / Dromiceiomimus: Christmas a humbug, uncle! You don't mean that, I am sure? / T-Rex: I do. "Merry Christmas!" What reason have you to be merry? You're poor enough. / Dromiceiomimus: Come, then. What reason have you to be morose? You're rich enough. / T-Rex: Bah! Humbug! / Utahraptor: Ebenezer, I am the Ghost of Christmas Past! / T-Rex: Long past? / Utahraptor: No. YOUR past. / T-Rex: What business brought you here? / Utahraptor: Your welfare - take heed! Rise, and walk with me. / T-Rex: What the- ?! That's not what I wanted to dream about at all!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=234
this is more than enough excitement for me T-Rex: I'm in the prime of life! / T-Rex: Ha ha ha! / T-Rex: Hey, Dromiceiomimus, would you say it's great to be young? / Dromiceiomimus: I - I guess so! / T-Rex: It's great, eh? / Dromiceiomimus: Yeah, it's pretty great. / T-Rex: It sure is! / Utahraptor: If youth is so great, how come you're wasting it, T-Rex? / T- Rex: I'm wasting it? / Utahraptor: You are! At this rate, the only memories you'll have to fondly look back on when you're older are those of walking around and saying how great it is to be young! / T-Rex: You're right! / T-Rex: However, that will be more than enough excitement for me!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=235
swimming naked Narrator: COMICS IN WHICH ALREADY-NAKED DINOSAURS DEBATE THE MERITS OF SWIMMING NAKED / T-Rex: I believe today I will go down to the beach and swim! / T-Rex: Naked! / T-Rex: Good morning, Dromiceiomimus! Beutiful day, isn't it? / Dromiceiomimus: It is indeed, T-Rex. A fine day for going to the beach - is that where you're headed? / T-Rex: It is, my friend! I'm going to swim naked! / Utahraptor: Off to the beach? / T-Rex: I am, good sir! / Utahraptor: Mind if I join you? / T-Rex: Not at all! / Utahraptor: Let me go get my swimming trunks! / T-Rex: Why? / Utahraptor: To swim in? / T-Rex: Go naked! / Utahraptor: No! I'll be right back. / T-Rex: I'm swimming naked!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=236
how to win arguments/friendships Narrator: HOW TO WIN ARGUMENTS / T-Rex: Winning arguments is easy! / T-Rex: The secret is to convince your opponent that arguing with you isn't worthwhile! When they abandon the argument/friendship, you win! / T-Rex: It's really that easy! / Utahraptor: I feel your technique isn't one for winning arguments; rather, it's one for losing friendships! / T-Rex: No! / T-Rex: I SPECIFICALLY specified that it's for winning arguments/friendships. / Utahraptor: First: Annoying your opponent doesn't mean you've won. Second: You can't "win" a friendship. It's not a competition. There are no winners or losers. / T-Rex: Hmm... sounds to me like somebody lost their last few friendships!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=237
 
the cutest phrase Narrator: WHAT'S THE CUTEST PHRASE YOU CAN COME UP WITH? / T-Rex: That's easy! / T-Rex: "Happy machine!" / T-Rex: Now granted, it's not the cutest phrase if you just look at it. But if you think about what a happy machine would do - what it would look like, you end up with something that is just so cute! / T-Rex: A happy machine! / Utahraptor: So - what? It's a machine that is happy? A happy robot? / T-Rex: No! / T-Rex: It's a machine to create happiness. A happy machine! / Utahraptor: That - that IS pretty cute! / Utahraptor: But what happens if the happy machine fails? If it breaks into pieces? / T-Rex: Oh noo!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=238
how to turn any love song into a sea shanty T-Rex: I've made a fantastic discovery: a discovery bound to send the music theorists back to their dusty old drawing boards! For you see.... / T-Rex: I've discovered how to turn most any love song into a sea shanty! / Dromiceiomimus: A sea shanty? Like, a pirate song? / T-Rex: Indeed! / Dromiceiomimus: And how do you plan to accomplish this miraculous transformation? / T-Rex: Easy! I simply replace every instance of "baby" with "matey"! / Utahraptor: There's no way that would work, T-Rex! No way! / T-Rex: Try it yourself! / Utahraptor: Alright! Hmm.. well - "together you and me could be so special matey"... / Utahraptor: "Hush little matey/Don't you cry"... / Utahraptor: Ma ma ma ma matey / Don't you forget my number!" / T-Rex: See? / T-Rex: It's amazing!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=239
adults vs children title match Narrator: THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN ADULTS AND CHILDREN COMICS (note that if you already have a full grasp on such differences, this comic will probably be of no help to you) / T-Rex: The differences between adults and children are many! / T-Rex: For example: while adults are by definition fully grown, children are much smaller! Adults have more life experiences than children, who may have very little! Adults, legally, are fully-recognized people, while children are not! They do not have the same rights. / T-Rex: Yes, there are many differences between adults and children! / Utahraptor: Hey, T-Rex! / T-Rex: What is it, Utahraptor? / Utahraptor: I was just babysitting my adult neighbor. But then I realized: wait, you don't babysit adults! You only babysit CHILDREN! / T-Rex: How embarrassing! / Utahraptor: Oh, I know it! / T-Rex: Well, to be fair, that IS one of the differences between adults and children!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=240
prizes for being a friend T-Rex: As the fantastic fellow that I am, I've decided to reward my friends for their hard years of friendship! / T-Rex: I will be rewarding them by giving out prizes: anything their heart desires! / Narrator: SOON / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, I would like to reward you for being my friend! What would yo like? / Dromiceiomimus: T-Rex, I didn't become your friend because of the chance of a reward! I'm not sure this is a good idea: people might find it insulting! / T-Rex: Is that true? Could others take my offer of prizes to be an insult? / Utahraptor: Easily! / Utahraptor: Here's why: it implies that being your friend is somehow deserving of recompense. You insult yourself, but you also insult us, because if we were truly your friends, we wouldn't want prizes! The fact that you are offering them implies you think we'd take them, which implies that you think our friendship is insincere! / T-Rex: Good God, you're right! Let me make this up to you. We'll go to the movies! / T-Rex: That'll be fun, eh? / T-Rex: My treat!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=241
a comic about cooties T-Rex: I find "cooties" to be an interesting idea. We hear about this 'disease' as children, and we never forget! / T-Rex: Nobody wants to have cooties, despite the fact that they have no effect on anyone whatsoever! / Dromiceiomimus: T-Rex, you have cooties? / T-Rex: What? No! I don't have cooties! Nobody has cooties! / Dromiceiomimus: Okay, but I heard you had cooties! I heard you had them bad! / Utahraptor: T-Rex, you have cooties?! / T-Rex: No I don't! / T-Rex: What's with everyone asking me if I have cooties? Maybe YOU have cooties! / Utahraptor: Ha ha, nice try! We all know that you're the one with cooties! / T-Rex: I'm not! / Utahraptor: I don't know...seems to me like you are! / T-Rex: IT IS CLEAR THAT I DO NOT IN FACT HAVE COOTIES! / Off-panel: Everyone! This T-Rex here has cooties! / T-Rex: No! Don't listen to him!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=242
 

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