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|choose your own adventure: free will||Narrator: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE / Narrator: You're the star of the story! Choose from any possible ending. / Narrator: FREE WILL / Narrator: Another beautiful day! Today is a good day you think for some new variety, some new excitement in your life! Turn to panel 2. / Narrator: You are hit with the sinking realization that you're in a rut: everday, you do the same old things. There must be more to living than this! / Narrator: You vow to start making changes in your life, today. You can make the big decisions. You can make the small decisions. You are in control. Turn to panel 3. / Narrator: You are trying to think of some way you can change your life when an old friend of yours happens to stop by. Turn to panel 4. / Narrator: You chat for a while. You tell him of your day; he tells you about his. It's a pleasant way to pass the time, and soon you have forgotten all about your decision to effect some change in your daily routine. Turn to panel 5. / Narrator: Only later, in the evening, do you realize that you've spent another day stuck in your self-imposed rut! Another day, down the drain! / Narrator: Damn. Well, there's nothing you can do about that now. Tomorrow is another day, and you'd better get to bed. Have a nice rest then turn to panel 1.|
|the soundtrack to a life||T-Rex: If there were a soundtrack to my life, what would it sound like I wonder? / T-Rex: Imagine if it had vocals! And a drum solo! / T-Rex: It'd be awesome! / T-Rex: Here there would be some ominous music - FOR WILL THE GIRL SURVIVE? / Utahraptor: Wait! / Utahraptor: The idea of a soundtrack to a life is a stupid idea. You're just going to come across a band of musicians that wants to follow you around? / T-Rex: well, it - - um it's not like they wouldn't get paid / T-Rex: *sob*|
|the secret to being loved||T-Rex: I have determined something exciting! Brace yourselves, for what I have discovered is nothing less than... / T-Rex: the SECRET to BEING LOVED! / T-Rex: It's so easy! / T-Rex: [text covered by Dromiceiomimus] / Dromiceiomimus: Have you seen my keys? / T-Rex: huh? / T-Rex: Oh, no. / T-Rex: so anyway, the secret I discovered to being loved is simply - / Utahraptor: Hey! / T-Rex: Hey, what's up? / Utahraptor: Not much! / T-Rex: I was just talking about the secret to being loved. / Utahraptor: Yikes! Count me out! / T-Rex: Ok, some other time!|
|hilarious differences between the sexes||Narrator: HILARIOUS DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE SEXES / Narrator: presented using a primarily-male cast of dinosaurs / T-Rex: Oh boy! / T-Rex: I bet I can figure out hundreds of hilarious differences! / T-Rex: For instance: as a male, I can be impatient, sometimes to my own detriment! Notice how I destroy this house rather than walking around it. / Dromiceiomimus: I am a more patient woman and I did not resort to violence to solve my problems! / T-Rex: It is as if we are from two different planets! / T-Rex: Yes, the two sexes certainly do have some hilarious differences! / Utahraptor: Indeed! / Utahraptor: For instance, my mother was left, at the age of 22 and with two children to care for, by a sometimes-abusive, always-absent husband. / Utahraptor: I know this may be sexist, but I don't believe a woman is capable of such neglect. / Narrator: LATER... / T-Rex: Hey! / T-Rex: I can also pee standing up!|
|a mirror universe, if you will||T-Rex: I wonder, are there any universes parallel to our own? / T-Rex: A "mirror" universe, if you will! / T-Rex: But perhaps in this universe, different decisions were made. Choice piles upon choice, until the world is a strangely different place!
/ T-Rex: It raises many philosophical questions!
/ T-Rex: For instance: is there any true Self? / T-Rex: What a brave new world it would be...
/ Utahraptor: Interesting! / Utahraptor: Your self-vocalized musings provide the perfect segue into my announcement that I have discovered a way to travel between universes!
/ T-Rex: Seriously?
/ Utahraptor: Just watch!
/ Utahraptor: All I have to do is concentrate, and... / T-Rex: Noo! Don't do it!
|LODGE a complaint||Narrator: MIRROR UNIVERSE COMICS / T-Rex: Say "goodbye" to your house, Dromiceiomimus! If you don't like it, you can LODGE a complaint... with my foot! / T-Rex: Ha ha ha! / T-Rex: I love being bad - I mean I love being good! Because "bad" is "good" to us! And by "us", I mean the entire Universe. / Utahraptor: T-Rex, is that you? / T-Rex: The Utahraptor? / Utahraptor: Uncanny! I seemed to have switched places with my mirror-universe alternate! / Utahraptor: T-Rex, you've got to stop the madness that seems to grip this Universe! There is another way to live: a way based on peace and mutual respect! / T:Rex: Where's your goatee? / Utahraptor: I don't have a goatee! That Utahraptor has moved to... Good God! He's in my universe! / T-Rex: Sweet!|
|T-Rex: Well, I hope wherever the Utahraptor ended up, he's alright. Maybe he landed in a Universe just like ours, but where one simple thing has undergone a sinister - and illustrative - change! / T-Rex: Or maybe he's travelled to the Universe of the Lesbains! / T-Rex: But I guess no matter where he is, this is the end of our daily conversations... I don't know what I'm going to do with the second half of my day if he's not around. / T-Rex: *sigh* / Alternate Utahraptor: T-Rex? / T-Rex: Utahraptor, it's you! You're back from the alternate universe! But... something's different... / Alternate Utahraptor: No! Nothing is different! / Alternate Utahraptor: I am the same Utahraptor as always! / T-Rex: Prove it! / Alternate Utahraptor: I frequently debunk your theories! / T-Rex: *gasp*|
|afterwards we'll discuss philosophy or something like that||T-Rex: I'm not as gullible as everybody seems to think I am. I know that the Utahraptor is not the one from my universe! / T-Rex: I've got to rescue the real Utahraptor! / T-Rex: But how? I don't really know how to do anything besides stomp on things. Maybe if he needed something stomped I could help! / T-Rex: I could also contribute to a discussion re: philosophy. / Alternate Universe Utahraptor [[with a goatee]]: Hey, I need you to help me to build a machine that will destroy all life on the planet. / Alternate Universe Utahraptor: And then afterwards we'll discuss philosophy or something like that, OK? / T-Rex: I'm torn!!|
|in a MANOR of speaking||Narrator: MIRROR UNIVERSE COMICS / T-Rex: I see you've rebuilt your house! Too bad I'm the personification of its destruction... in a MANOR of speaking! / T-Rex: Ha ha ha! Two in a row! / T-Rex: Yes, house-themed puns come courtesy of me, the Evil T-Rex! / Narrator: LATER... / T-Rex: Youuuutahraptor! / T-Rex: Oh Youuutahraptor! / Utahraptor: What do you want? / T-Rex: I was just wondering if it bothers you when I senselessly step on people. / Utahraptor: Yes, it does. / T-Rex: Oh, that's too bad! / T-Rex: Cause here I go! / Utahraptor: God damn you, Evil T-Rex!|
|make a note of that, in my LOGS||Narrator: MIRROR UNIVERSE COMICS / T-Rex: Rebuilt again, eh? I'll have to make a note of that, in my LOGS! / T-Rex: Ha ha ha! / T-Rex: Wait... does that even make sense? / T-Rex: Ah, who cares! The Utahraptor's been having a bad time here, and I'm to credit! I wonder how long he'll stay? / T-Rex: (I can't wait till he finds out I replaced his toothpaste with a COMPETING BRAND OF TOOTHPASTE!) / Utahraptor: Goodbye, Evil T-Rex! I'm returning to my own Universe! / T-Rex: No, wait! / T-Rex: Stay! / T-Rex: Brush your teeth! / Narrator: POOM / Narrator: THE NEXT DAY... / Utahraptor: And then, just as fast, I was back here again... back in my own universe! / T-Rex: And you say NOBODY had goatees? / Utahraptor: Nope! / T-Rex: Huh! Well, tell you what. I'll stomp on her first, then you go, OK? / Utahraptor: It's good to be back!|
|back on good old earth prime||T-Rex: The presence of the evil Utahraptor in this Universe has raised the very philosophical questions I had earlier been concerned about! / T-Rex: For instance! / T-Rex: Can the two Utahraptors be considered the same person? Is the evil one just the result of some decision made differently? / T-Rex: Are the actions of one the restrained impulses of the other, or are they really two different individuals? / T-Rex: Could one, in time, become the other? / T-Rex: Additionally, - / Utahraptor: T-Rex! It's me - I'm back! / T-Rex: Utahraptor! It's you! / Utahraptor: Hello! I had been in a mirror universe, where we all had goatees and were evil! / Utahraptor: Let me just say, "It's good to be back on Earth Prime!" / T-Rex: Hey! / T-Rex: I lived in your house while you were gone! / T-Rex: I ATE SOME FOOD|
|compressed relationship comics||Narrator: COMPRESSED RELATIONSHIP COMICS / T-Rex: Oh oh... / T-Rex: Sounds like another emotional roller coaster... / T-Rex: And here we go! / T-Rex: I have much to offer a potential mate! I am big and strong and oh so sexy! / T-Rex: If only I could find someone, preferably in my own neighbourhood, to be my companion and also to have sex with! / Utahraptor: Hello! / T-Rex: Why, hello! / T-Rex: I notice you are attractive! / Utahraptor: You as well! / T-Rex: Care to put our emotional stability on the line in exchange for a chance at happiness? / Utahraptor: OK! / T-Rex: So... / Utahraptor: So... / Utahraptor: I'm leaving you! / T-Rex: *sob* / T-Rex: Alone again.|
|sierra presents: dino quest i||Narrator: SIERRA? PRESENTS DINO QUEST 1 / Narrator: You have arrived in the time of the dinosaurs! Looking around, you see a large green T-Rex. He seems excited! / >take dinosaur / Narrator: You can't take that / >look / Narrator: You see the T-Rex, stomping a house. There is a Dromiceiomimus here. / >take dromoceimiumus / Narrator: I don't see that here. / >take dromociemoious / Narrator: I don't see that here. / >take other dinosaur / Narrator: I don't see that here. / >god damn / Narrator: I don't know how to "god damn". / >go north / Narrator: The T-Rex chases you. Be careful! There is a Utahraptor here. / >hide from t rex / Narrator: Before you can do anything, you are stepped upon! You have died. / >talk to t rex / Narrator: You cannot do anything because you are dead. All you can do is SAVE, RESTORE or QUIT. / >quit / Narrator: Are you sure you want to quit? (Y/N) / >y / Narrator: You scored 0 points out of a possible 158. Thank you for playing Sierra's DINO QUEST! / C:\SIERRA\DQ1\> del *.* / 31 file(s) deleted. / C:\SIERRA\DQ1\> cd.. / C:\SIERRA\> cd.. / C:\> cd telix / C:\TELIX\> cd dl / C:\TELIX\DL\> del DQ1.zip / 1 file(s) deleted. / C:\TELIX\DL\>_|
|discrete math||Narrator: LECTURE NOTES COMICS / Narrator: TODAY'S LECTURE: DISCRETE MATH / T-Rex: Pay attention, now! / Narrator: if you do not like math then skip this comic (seriously) / T-Rex: The circuit satisfiability problem is determining if there are some inputs that make the outputs of a circuit "true"! / T-Rex: A closely related problem is the formula satisfiability problem, SAP, which can be mapped one-to-one, and in linear time, to the circuit satisfiability problem. / Utahraptor: So what does this mean? / T-Rex: If we can solve SAT problems in f(n) time, then circuit-SAT can be solved in 0(n) + f(n) time! / Utahraptor: But circuit-SAT can not be solved quickly. / T-Rex: Indeed. Therefore, SAT is as "hard" as circuit-SAT. / T-Rex: Similarly hard problems are "Clique", "Vertex-Cover" and the Travelling Salesman Problem. / T-Rex: Solving these problems (P) can be accomplished in polynomial time! / T-Rex: Verifying solutions (NP) can also be done in polynomial time! / T-Rex: The question is... does P = NP?|
|april fools||T-Rex: Today is my favourite day of all! / T-Rex: April Fool's Day! / T-Rex: Chief among my loves is the love of tricking people! I bet I can totally fool the Utahraptor today. / Dromiceiomimus: How do you intend to fool him? / T-Rex: I feel certain the opportunity will present itself. / T-Rex: here he comes! / Utahraptor: Hey, T-Rex! / T-Rex: Hey! Don't try to trick me. / Utahraptor: Huh? Oh, April Fool's. No, I just wanted some help moving something heavy. / T-Rex: Sorry, I'm busy. / Utahraptor: Oh. / Utahraptor: Ok. / T-Rex: April Fool's!|
|a window into his very soul||T-Rex: Another day full of possibilities! / T-Rex: I wonder what adventures I'll have today... / T-Rex: I wonder! / T-Rex: Hello everyone, it's me! / Dromiceiomimus: Yay! The T-Rex is here! I love you, T-Rex! / T-Rex: Ho ho! Good to see you too, D.! / Utahraptor: I'm sorry I was ever mean to you in the past, T-Rex! / T-Rex: That's OK! / Utahraptor: You are an awesome dude and we should play beachball sometime soon! / T-Rex: You - you really mean it? / Utahraptor: Yep! I'd love to play beachball with you. / Utahraptor: Just say the word! / T-Rex: If only! / T-Rex: *sigh* / T-Rex: If only.|
|good times||T-Rex: Last Thursday was a big day! / T-Rex: Let's recap! / T-Rex: I have much to offer a potential mate! I am big and strong and oh so sexy! / T-Rex: If only I could find someone, preferably in my own neighbourhood, to be my companion and also to have sex with! / Utahraptor: Hello! / T-Rex: Why, hello! / T-Rex: I notice you are attractive! / Utahraptor: You as well! / T-Rex: Care to put our emotional stability on the line in exchange for a chance at happiness? / Utahraptor: OK! / T-Rex: So... / Utahraptor: So... / Utahraptor: I'm leaving you! / T-Rex: Ahh.... / T-Rex: Good times!|
|secret handshakes and laffs a-plenty||Narrator: "SECRET HANDSHAKES" / T-Rex: I had a friend once who joined a sorority. / T-Rex: We were all like... / T-Rex: "At least I don't have to buy my friends!" / T-Rex: It didn't really make sense, because we were already her friends, for free. But we ran with it. / Utahraptor: Whatever became of this woman? / T-Rex: She ended up married, I think. / Narrator: THE END / Narrator: "LAFFS A-PLENTY" / Utahraptor: T-Rex, guess what? / T-Rex: Oh my gosh! What? / Utahraptor: My brother is going to be a daddy! / T-Rex: Oh my gosh!! / Narrator: THE END|
|how quickly we find ourselves in the positions of adults||T-Rex: The Utahraptor's brother is having children - it seems the time of parenthood is upon us! / T-Rex: How quickly we find ourselves in the positions of adults! / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, do you think you might have children some day? / Dromiceiomimus: I don't know - I don't feel qualified to have children. / T-Rex: That's exactly how I feel! You've articulated it perfectly. / T-Rex: Will I ever feel qualified? / Utahraptor: I hope so! / Utahraptor: I'm sure you'd make a great parent, T-Rex! I can imagine you running around with all your kids behind you, teaching them how to stomp on things... / Utahraptor: 5 little baby T-Rexes, each with their own pair of cute little arms! / T-Rex: What do you mean, "cute"? / T-Rex: "Cute"?!|
|his name means "tyrant lizard king" after all||T-Rex: I can't believe the Utahraptor thinks that T-Rexes are cute. I am not cute! My daily romps inspire fear in all who meet me! / T-Rex: Fear! / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus! Do you think me and my little green arms are cute, or do they rather inspire a chilling fear in your very SOUL? / Dromiceiomimus: Heh. I never noticed before, but they are kinda cute. / T-Rex: But look: I'm crushing a house! It is very frightening! / T-Rex: What could be more terrifying than being crushed by a T-Rex? / Utahraptor: Being mauled by a Utahraptor? / T-Rex: What? / Utahraptor: I'm just sayin'. / Narrator: THAT EVENING... / T-Rex: Does no one realize that this is a very sensitive issue for me?!|
|dino-pets||T-Rex: I have been thinking, and I have come up with the perfect solution to the problem of my being considered, by others, to be "cute". / T-Rex: I will get a pet! / T-Rex: A little animal that will follow me around on my adventures, be my companion... someone to keep my bed warm at night! / T-Rex: Also, this pet will have to be cuter than I am, thereby making me look even tougher in comparison! / T-Rex: A small pet, perhaps something bite-sized... / Utahraptor: Looking for a pet? / T-Rex: Yes; have you any suggestions? / Utahraptor: I have no input of value relative to this specific situation. / T-Rex: Thanks anyway!|
|"utah"?||T-Rex: Guess what I got last night? / T-Rex: A dog! / T-Rex: Did you know that dogs and dinosaurs co-existed? / Dromiceiomimus: Yes, I accepted it without questioning. / T-Rex: Good! / T-Rex: I am excited to go play with my new pet dog! / Utahraptor: What are you going to name him? / T-Rex: I am thinking, "T-Junior". / Utahraptor: That's terrible. / T-Rex: What about "Dogasaurus Rex"? / Utahraptor: Excuse me. / T-Rex: Well, it's better than "Utahraptor"! / T-Rex: What is that anyway, a place? / T-Rex: "Utah"?|
|feed the dog||T-Rex: I've got to remember to feed my pet dog! / Narrator: THE NEXT DAY... / T-Rex: I forgot to feed the dog! I'll do it tomorrow. / Narrator: THE NEXT DAY... / T-Rex: Got any plans for the summer? / Dromiceiomimus: Actually, I might go up north for a bit. / T-Rex: Shoot! You know what? I was supposed to feed the dog today! / Narrator: THE NEXT DAY... / Utahraptor: Hey T-Rex, have you fed your dog yet? / T-Rex: Oh hell! / Narrator: THE NEXT DAY... / Utahraptor: Did you remember to feed the dog? / T-Rex: God damn it! Can you believe I forgot again? / Narrator: TWO WEEKS LATER... / T-Rex: ! / T-Rex: SHIT!|
|adulterous affairs comics||T-Rex: I have a friend, of my own age, who is having a relationship - the only word for it is "affair" - with a woman who is engaged to be married! / T-Rex: It's time for... / Narrator: ADULTEROUS AFFAIRS COMICS / T-Rex: It kind of came out of nowhere... she is into him and he is into her, so where's the problem? What's the big deal about polygamy? / T-Rex: The problem of course is the fianc?, who (as I understand it) does not support his wife-to-be sleeping around with another man. / T-Rex: Further complications: both men look the same! It's a little weird. / T-Rex: How am I to advise this friend - should he break it off? Should he let the woman make her own decisions? / Utahraptor: Hmm! / Utahraptor: I didn't realize such situations occurred in real life... a young woman, engaged to be married to an older man, meets a dynamic young one and falls in love! / T-Rex: Yes, it's a hackneyed situation, but one which all involved are living, as we speak! / T-Rex: Hey, wait! / T-Rex: Come back! / T-Rex: YOU FORGOT TO GIVE ME THE ANSWER TO MY PROBLEM!|
|utahed-raptor||Ye Olde Narratore: A Hiftory of Dinofaurs / Ye Olde Narratore: Being a Survey of the Fielde, tolde with equal parts Flourish and Paedogogy, epitomized by a plain and familiar Manner, without and unnecessary Mixture of useless Curiosities and needless Repetitions. / Ye Olde Narratore: [Price 6d.] / Ye Olde Narratore: Dinosaurs, or Man-Lizards, to-day knowne as G-d's Mistake, had assum'd Domain over all the Worlde, including the dark Lands of China-Men. / Ye Olde Narratore: By no means Fit for their Purpose as Kings and Queens, the Dinosaurs spread Fear and Incontenience, along with several similar Inconve-niencies, which neither can be Described nor Understood without having first seen one of the Faersome beasts for oneself; thy Stars are indeed Fortunate, for in to-day's Moderne Age, the only such Animale thy shall see is in a rare Wood-Cut or handsel Picture-Book, where thou art Protected from the joyn'd Devourment and Digestione by the Fictionality of the Beast in question. / Ye Olde Narratore: The plague of their Times, the Dinosaur was known for taking Plaesure in rendering one's abode or Self flatten'd. / Ye Olde Narratore: This being the Case, there was great room to Fear, for many chylds would not survive the certain Mis-chief done them by the Tyranno-saurus Rex, Utahed-Raptor, &c. / Ye Olde Narratore: The stern voice of Science tells us that these Monstrosi-ties, once having exhausted the Novelty of Death-giving, simply took it as a Matter-of-Course, and paid it little Attenshon, likely dedicating the remainder of their Facu-lities towards some Conversation and Jokery. / Ye Olde Narratore: Being thus provided with a Compleat exposi-tion of the Dinosaurs, take care, gentle Reader, that you do not deviate from the strait and Upright path set before you by our Father, lest you find thyself in the same Posi-tion as these Beasts, and there be no roome for you on the Ark. / Ye Olde Narratore: MDCCXLIX|
|thoughts of mortality||T-Rex: Today... / T-Rex: *sigh* / T-Rex: Today, I am troubled. / T-Rex: Troubled by thoughts of my own mortality! / T-Rex: What if I don't live forever? Then there would be no more T-Rex - no more me! / T-Rex: I would be gone! / T-Rex: Have I done anything worthwhile with my life? / Utahraptor: Thoughts of mortality, I see! / Utahraptor: I believe that when we die, our bones will be transformed over geologic time into rocks, and that these "fossilized" bones will one day be discovered, reconstructed, and displayed! / T-Rex: That is our ultimate destiny? / Utahraptor: So I believe! / T-Rex (thinking): I hope people like my bones!|
|trouble in paradise||T-Rex: Well, my dog ran away. I know! / T-Rex: Can you believe it? / T-Rex: I guess some people just aren't cut out for having pets! / Dromiceiomimus: But, aren't you simply avoiding any responsibility here by transforming a personal failing into something cosmically fated? / T-Rex: I said, I guess some people just aren't cut out for having pets! / Utahraptor: I agree, T-Rex; I think you are to blame here. / T-Rex: I say I am not! / Narrator: SHORTLY... / T-Rex: My dog ran away by his own free will! / Utahraptor: Yes, he chose to run away, but he made that choice because you didn't feed him for two weeks five days straight! God, just forget it! I'm so tired of your poorly-thought-out plans! / Utahraptor: I'm sorry we ever had a homosexual affair!|
|the utahraptor "wigged out" yesterday||T-Rex: I wonder what's bothering the Utahraptor? He totally "wigged out" on me yesterday. / T-Rex: What a great expression! / T-Rex: Did you hear? The Utahraptor totally "wigged out" on me yesterday! / Dromiceiomimus: He "wigged out"? / T-Rex: He totally did! / T-Rex: Yesterday! / T-Rex: Yesterday, he "wigged out"! / Utahraptor: Stop it, T-Rex! / T-Rex: How long have you been standing there? / Utahraptor: Long enough! Look, about yesterday: I'm sorry I said what I did. I've just been a little stressed lately. Also, stop saying "wigged out". I know you like it, but it really annoys me. / T-Rex: Don't make me choose!|
|a list of phrases that you should never say||T-Rex: I have been compiling a list that I think might be of value! / T-Rex: What I have compiled is nothing less than... / T-Rex: A list of phrases you should never say because nothing good will ever come of them! / T-Rex: First on the list: "What do you mean you don't love me?" / Dromiceiomimus: You're right: there's no way that could lead to anything good. / T-Rex: See what I mean? / Utahraptor: I've got a good one for the list! / T-Rex: Oh? / Utahraptor: "I've always seen you as the mother I never had." / T-Rex: Yikes. / Utahraptor: Yeah, it works especially well if you say it to your girlfriend. / T-Rex: Geez, man... / T-Rex: Thanks for the tip!|
|all you can eat||T-Rex: Today is a good day I think for going to all-you-can-eat restaurants! / T-Rex: Imagine... / T-Rex: All I can eat! / T-Rex: As a T-Rex, I appreciate being able to gorge myself for one low price. / Dromiceiomimus: It's a good thing gluttony isn't a sin! / T-Rex: indeed! / Utahraptor: Have you considered the meaning of your actions? / T-Rex: *gasp* / T-Rex: I have not! / Utahraptor: Well then, allow me. An all-you-can-eat restaurant, especially in a world where people are starving, is essentially immoral. Besides, consider the symbolism of gorging yourself on more food than you actually need: of eating just for eating's sake. Gluttony because it's affordable: what kind of / Utahraptor: image is that? Plus, you can't ... such a restaurant ... if you don't ... cheap, it becomes All-You-Can-Politely-Eat, since you're trying to impress your date and thus you can't go all-out. Food should be a delight, not a symbolic stop at a gas station. I find / T-Rex: I'm going to eat SO MANY WINGS! / [[T-Rex's line in thought-bubble; partly obscures Utahraptor's screed]]|
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