Dinosaur Comics archives

You're browsing the archives of Dinosaur Comics.
You can search these comics too.

show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]

time has become unglued!	Narrator: A FAILED EXPERIMENT HAS CAUSED TIME TO BECOME UNGLUED! / T-Rex: Oh no! / Narrator: EFFECT PRECEDES CAUSE! / T-Rex: It's a disaster! / Narrator: CAN NOTHING BE DONE TO RESTORE THE NATURAL ORDER? / Dromiceiomimus: T-Rex, this is no time to begin stomping on houses! / T-Rex: What? I already stomped on it like 5 seconds ag- / T-Rex: OH MY GOODNESS / Narrator: IS THE WORLD DOOMED? / Utahraptor: T-Rex! I have a desperate plan to save us all! / T-Rex: Hooray! / Narrator: OUR LAST, BEST HOPE: / Utahraptor: All we have to do is re-run the temporal experiment BACKWARDS, thereby forcing time back into its usual lattice inversion structure! / T-Rex: That sounds just scientific enough to work! / Narrator: BUT THAT MAKES THINGS WORSE THAN EVER! EVERYBODY IS GOING TO BECOME A BABY OR SOMETHING! / T-Rex: Let my last words be an incentive against the words "blog" and "blogosphere"! / T-Rex: I have lived as few men dared dream! http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=455
time has become unglued!	Narrator: A FAILED EXPERIMENT HAS CAUSED TIME TO BECOME UNGLUED! / T-Rex: Oh no! / Narrator: EFFECT PRECEDES CAUSE! / T-Rex: It's a disaster! / Narrator: CAN NOTHING BE DONE TO RESTORE THE NATURAL ORDER? / Dromiceiomimus: T-Rex, this is no time to begin stomping on houses! / T-Rex: What? I already stomped on it like 5 seconds ag- / T-Rex: OH MY GOODNESS / Narrator: IS THE WORLD DOOMED? / Utahraptor: T-Rex! I have a desperate plan to save us all! / T-Rex: Hooray! / Narrator: OUR LAST, BEST HOPE: / Utahraptor: All we have to do is re-run the temporal experiment BACKWARDS, thereby forcing time back into its usual lattice inversion structure! / T-Rex: That sounds just scientific enough to work! / Narrator: BUT THAT MAKES THINGS WORSE THAN EVER! EVERYBODY IS GOING TO BECOME A BABY OR SOMETHING! / T-Rex: Let my last words be an incentive against the words "blog" and "blogosphere"! / T-Rex: I have lived as few men dared dream! http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=455
time has become unglued!	Narrator: A FAILED EXPERIMENT HAS CAUSED TIME TO BECOME UNGLUED! / T-Rex: Oh no! / Narrator: EFFECT PRECEDES CAUSE! / T-Rex: It's a disaster! / Narrator: CAN NOTHING BE DONE TO RESTORE THE NATURAL ORDER? / Dromiceiomimus: T-Rex, this is no time to begin stomping on houses! / T-Rex: What? I already stomped on it like 5 seconds ag- / T-Rex: OH MY GOODNESS / Narrator: IS THE WORLD DOOMED? / Utahraptor: T-Rex! I have a desperate plan to save us all! / T-Rex: Hooray! / Narrator: OUR LAST, BEST HOPE: / Utahraptor: All we have to do is re-run the temporal experiment BACKWARDS, thereby forcing time back into its usual lattice inversion structure! / T-Rex: That sounds just scientific enough to work! / Narrator: BUT THAT MAKES THINGS WORSE THAN EVER! EVERYBODY IS GOING TO BECOME A BABY OR SOMETHING! / T-Rex: Let my last words be an incentive against the words "blog" and "blogosphere"! / T-Rex: I have lived as few men dared dream! http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=455
we can sexy all night long	T-Rex: Man, forget verbs! / T-Rex: You heard me! / T-Rex: From now on, I am all about other, less complex parts of speech. Verbs don't understand me! / Dromiceiomimus: Maybe you don't understand verbs? / T-Rex: Maybe ADJECTIVES wouldn't force us to have such conversations! / Utahraptor: Okay T-Rex, I'm not sure what's going on here, but without verbs we cannot run or play or smile or even be! / T-Rex: True! But, we can awesome! / T-Rex: And we can sexy! / Utahraptor: We can certainly sexy, that's true! / T-Rex: ! / T-Rex: "We can sexy" is totally going to be my epitaph! / T-Rex: For reals! http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=456
canadians drink bags of milk, i guess you should know this	T-Rex: Someone at my house finished off a bag of milk, and then put it back in the fridge without replacing it with a new bag! / T-Rex: That's so annoying! / T-Rex: Also, it's very confusing since I live alone! / T-Rex: What do you think, Dromiceiomimus? Am I going crazy? Am I finishing off the milk and then COMPLETELY FORGETTING ABOUT IT? / Dromiceiomimus: It seems unlikely! / T-Rex: What else could it be? Is someone breaking into my house just to drink my milk? I don't really mind, I guess - I'd just like to know. / Utahraptor: How come these things always happen to you? / T-Rex: It's not my fault! / Utahraptor: Well, I'm just pointing out that across all these wacky situations, you're the one element of continuity. / T-Rex: Why would I screw myself over by not putting a new bag of milk back? That's crazy! / God: I USUALLY DON'T PUT A NEW BAG BACK EITHER / T-Rex: Was it you?! / God: NO JUST- / God: VOLUTEERING INFORMATION http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=457
SECRETS OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION	T-Rex: Ssh! Come closer! / T-Rex: I know secrets! / T-Rex: SECRETS OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION! / Narrator: T-REX IN: SECRETS OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION / Dromiceiomimus: Oh, is this one of those dumb Conspiracy Secrets, wherein fluoride is actually designed to induce pregnancy in freshly married women or something? / T-Rex: What? / T-Rex: Huh? / Utahraptor: So what's the secret? / T-Rex: Oh right! Well, the secret is that when doctors and nurses are "taking your pulse", they're not actually doing that! / Utahraptor: Really? / T-Rex: Really! They're actually discreetly observing your breathing. They do it on the sly because if you're aware of it, it changes! / Utahraptor: Aw man, way to ruin me for any doctor! Now I might have a respiratory problem and I'LL NEVER KNOW. / T-Rex: Hah hah! I am an agent of CHAOS! http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=458
chicks dig a guy who eats a lot	T-Rex: Oh man, I ate too much last night. / T-Rex: Ooooh man! / T-Rex: I had SO much food, Dromiceiomimus. I thought I'd be smart and cook enough food for lunch the next day, but then I ate it all. / Dromiceiomimus: G-great? / T-Rex: Ooooh man! / Utahraptor: Hey, here's a friendly tip: you shouldn't try to impress women by bragging about how much you can eat! / T-Rex: Dude! I wasn't trying to IMPRESS her; I was just relaying an amusing anecdote from my own recent history! / Utahraptor: Amusing? / T-Rex: Yeah, I ate a lot! / T-Rex: Ha ha! / Narrator: YEARS LATER, A PARTY: / T-Rex: So, I thought I'd cook enough for the next day as well! / Woman: I'm not impressed! / T-Rex: Not YET! But, allow me to continue... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=459

fifty-two movies in fifty-two days	Narrator: "FIFTY-TWO MOVIES IN FIFTY-TWO DAYS" / T-Rex: I challenge myself to watch fifty-two movies in fifty-two days! / Narrator: FIFTY-TWO DAYS LATER: / T-Rex: Some of them were pretty okay, I guess. / T-Rex: sigh / Utahraptor: Hey, YOU look like you're feeling a little disillusioned about film! / T-Rex: Good eye! / T-Rex: I am, a little! It wasn't the point of my experiment, but holy, there are SO MANY BAD MOVIES. / Utahraptor: There's so many bad everythings! / T-Rex: It's true! My friend, have we become elitist snobs? Are we too good for anything? / T-Rex: Have we - finally - become "too cool for school"? http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=460
no more secrets of the medical profession	T-Rex: Man, my source for medical secrets won't tell me anything now, because I "broke her confidence" when I told everyone about the breathing thing! / T-Rex: Hah hah! / T-Rex: Oh well! / T-Rex: I know tons of secrets about other professions anyway! Dromiceiomimus, did you know that restaurants want you to fill up on bread? / Dromiceiomimus: But if you've already ordered your meal, why would they? They still get their money either way. / T-Rex: It is the essential paradox of the restaurateur! / Utahraptor: Your medical secrets were much more compelling! / T-Rex: Yes, well - that's over now! / T-Rex: The only other medical secret I know is that doctors may discreetly ask an elderly patient about his central vision by asking him if he has any trouble reading the numbers on his stove. / Utahraptor: Lame! / Utahraptor: I guess there's consequences to breaking confidences, eh T-Rex? / T-Rex: Whatever, man! / T-Rex: WHAT to the EV to the E R! http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=461
quite adequate for a man of my racial denomination	T-Rex: Submit it to me, youngster! / Indeed, indeed! / Submit it to me youngster! / Indeed, indeed! / Submit it to me, youngster! / Indeed, indeed! / T-Rex: And all the ladies proclaim that I'm quite adequate for a man of my racial denomination! / T-Rex: You are aware of the difficulty entailed in simply managing one's life today! / T-Rex: The one whom we're considering is not popular, but he attempts to five off that air nonetheless. / Utahraptor: He may be unaware of certain pertinent pieces of information, and he may not be urbane... / T-Rex & Utahraptor: But that which he does not possess, well, be assured that he substitutes for it in his own mind! / T-Rex: Attention! Attention! Engage that neoteric device! http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=462
everyone always talks so classy-like	T-Rex: I'm tired of movies and plays and radio dramas in which all the characters have such snappy dialogue! / T-Rex: It's unrealistic! / T-Rex: It really yanks me out of the moment. How am I supposed to imagine myself being there, when everyone talks like they know their lines? / T-Rex: And also, sometimes like they're part of a larger work with a distinct thematic focus. Forget that! / Utahraptor: So you want "natural" dialogues in your constructed fictions? / T-Rex: Yep! / T-Rex: And, um - / T-Rex: Sorry, what were we talking about there? I just remembered I have to mail a letter today / Utahraptor: Man, never-mind! / T-Rex: Oh ho! Did I just do that on purpose? AM I REALLY THAT CLEVER?? / T-Rex: What's for dinner? http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=463
the laws of thermodynamics, personified for reals	T-Rex: The first law of thermodynamics: / T-Rex: Important! / T-Rex: The second law of thermodynamics: somewhat less important. / T-Rex: If the laws were personified, I'd feel sorry for the second law! He'd be the affable loser, dressed in his brothers second-hand patchy tweed. Aww! / T-Rex: Well, I'D invite him over for dinner! We'd have chops! / Utahraptor: Hey, T-Rex? / T-Rex: Oh hey, I'm glad you came by: I was just imagining how nice I'd be to the somewhat-less-important law of thermodynamics if it were personified. I'd have sympathy dinners! / Utahraptor: Wow, that's crazy! I'll come back when you're less INSANE, because the second law is still really important! / Narrator: LATER: / God: HEY I CAN PERSONIFY THEM FOR REAL IF YOU WANT / T-Rex: No worries! http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=464

clap clap clap	The Devil: T-REX WHAT'S GOING ON MAN THINGS ARE PRETTY GREAT EH / T-Rex: What?! Who is this? / The Devil: IT'S ME THE DEVIL / T-Rex: Leave me alone! / The Devil: HEY / The Devil: I HAVE MY OWN PLAYSTATION / T-Rex: So?! / T-Rex: I have my own refrigerator, and you don't see me bragging! / Utahraptor: Who are you talking to? / T-Rex: The Devil! He won't leave me alone, and all he's doing is bragging about the video game consoles he owns. / Utahraptor: Man, you've got your own personal theology going, eh? / The Devil: I GOT THIS NEW GAME WHERE YOU HAVE TO CLAP TO THE BEAT TO WIN / T-Rex: Nobody cares!! / The Devil: YOU GO CLAP CLAP CLAP / The Devil: LEVEL THREE IS A PARTICULAR CHALLENGE http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=465
best friends edit each other's work	T-Rex: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh! / T-Rex: There's water in the basement and I don't know what to do! / T-Rex: If the basement keeps on flooding, then I'll certainly be blue! / T-Rex: The water heater's leaking and my showers are all cold! / T-Rex: I wouldn't mind so much, but it makes me feel so old! / Utahraptor: Oooh, boo on the last line of your song, my friend! / T-Rex: Boo? / Utahraptor: Yeah! The story was holding together pretty well until you got to that point, but cold showers make you feel old? Not really! They wake you up, mostly. / Utahraptor: On the other hand, I thought "feeling blue" tied into the water theme well! / T-Rex: Thanks for your thoughts! / Utahraptor: Hey, anytime! / Narrator: "Best friends forever" http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=466
Time to discuss my lovemaking technique!	T-Rex: So! / T-Rex: Time to discuss my lovemaking technique! / Dromiceiomimus: whoa whoa whoa! T-Rex! Nobody wants to hear about your lovemaking 'technique'! / T-Rex: Okay, how about my lovemaking strategy? / Dromiceiomimus: No! Good gosh, this talk belongs in the bedroom, IF ANYWHERE! / Utahraptor: Wow, you sure got shot down there, my friend! / T-Rex: I don't get it! / T-Rex: I wasn't going to BRAG! My lovemaking technique consists of a series of awkward fumbles and whispered apologies. / Utahraptor: Whoa! / T-Rex: I whisper apologies over and over while maintaining unbroken eye contact. / Utahraptor: Holy shit! / T-Rex: Hah! Just kidding! / T-Rex: I guess this is how rumours get started, huh? http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=467
profits!!	T-Rex: By mining the Earth's outer (liquid) core, I can sell precious iron, thereby giving profits to myself and my business partners! / T-Rex: Profits!! / T-Rex: Would you like to buy some PRECIOUS IRON, featuring nickel and trace amounts of lighter elements, Dromiceiomimus? / Dromiceiomimus: No thanks! / T-Rex: That's okay! I'll keep mining it, in case you change your mind. / Utahraptor: T-Rex, we were fools! The Earth's core has destabilized because of us! / T-Rex: We'll all be dead soon! / T-Rex: Maybe this isn't the best business idea ever. / Utahraptor: Maybe! I've got a better one anyway. / Utahraptor: Come one, come all to the Circus of the Improbable! / T-Rex: Featuring me! http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=468
the best science fiction story idea ever	T-Rex: I have come up with the best science fiction story idea ever! / T-Rex: It's about a man... / T-Rex: A man who can only see well when a light is turned on! / Dromiceiomimus: Most guys I know are like that, T-Rex. / T-Rex: But this guy can only see ANYWHERE when a particular light is turned on! Even when he's outside of the room with the light! Even when he's on the BEACH. If the light switch is turned off, so too are his eyes! / Utahraptor: So what's the hook? As science fiction, where's the thinly-veiled social allegory to our world? / T-Rex: Huh? There's no allegory. Just a twist at the end when we find out the whole thing was psychosomatic! / Utahraptor: But then how would he know when the light is actually on? / T-Rex: That's part of the fiction! / T-Rex: The SCIENCE fiction!! http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=469

the fallacy of balance	Narrator: TALKING DINOSAURS IN: "THE FALLACY OF BALANCE" / T-Rex: The fallacy of balance occurs when news agencies claim truth by reporting "both sides of the story"! / T-Rex: In most cases, that's not balanced at all! / T-Rex: For instance, if you're doing a story on how the sun is hot (assuming it's a slow news day), you don't spend half the story presenting a guy who thinks the sun is cold! You ignore the crazy minority. / T-Rex: But often, when science is reported, equal credence is given to the kooks and their kooky theories! Science is presented as merely an opposing viewpoint. / Utahraptor: Wow, I had no idea you were so fascist! / T-Rex: I'm not! / Utahraptor: "Hey everyone, look at me! I'm T-Rex! My truth is the right truth!" / T-Rex: That's not me! / T-Rex: There's degrees! Science is based on repeatable observation! / Utahraptor: Sounds like a fine line to me, my friend! / God: HEY TELL HIM ABOUT MY BUSINESS IDEA / T-Rex: Dude! I'm busy! / God: MAN http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=470
FRIENDS SHOUT THEIR THOUGHTS AT FRIENDS	T-Rex: Such a nice day! YES, MAYBE A LITTLE BRISK BUT THAT'S OKAY! / T-Rex: Yes indeed, it is a nice day, to be sure! / Dromiceiomimus: What's with all the shouting, T-Rex? / T-Rex: I THINK THAT'S PRETTY CLEAR, BUT I GUESS I SHOULD ANSWER HER QUESTION. I figure our innermost thoughts are kept privae too often, so I've decided to shout mine to the world! / T-Rex: HEY, WHY AM I HUNGRY? I JUST ATE A FEW HOURS AGO. I HAD A CHICKEN SAMMICH. I THINK? / Utahraptor: T-Rex!! / Utahraptor: Dude, keep your voice down! What's the big deal? I could hear you a kilometer off! / T-Rex: I am having an inner dialogue! / Utahraptor: So? You don't need to shout it! / T-Rex: MY FRIEND, IT'S CLEAR THAT SHOUTING IS THE BEST WAY TO HAVE INNER DIALOGUES. I AGREE http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=471
mmmmmmm an excellent game indeed	Devil: HEY / Devil: T-REX / T-Rex: ?! / Devil: IT'S THE DEVIL / T-Rex: Leave me alone you crazy bastard! / Devil: HEY / Devil: HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED THE VIDEO GAME "COMMAND AND CONQUER: RED ALERT" / T-Rex: No!! / Devil: THE MAMMOTH TANKS ARE ONE OF THE MORE POWERFUL UNITS IN THE GAME / Devil: THEY PRESENT A FORMIDABLE FORCE TO ANY OPPONENT / T-Rex: Argh!! So inane! / Utahraptor: Who's inane? / T-Rex: The Devil! / T-Rex: All he wants to do is talk about these stupid games I've never played! He KNOWS I've never played them, and yet - the chatter CONTINUES! / Utahraptor: At least he's not tricking you for your soul! / T-Rex: I'd PREFER that! / Devil: THE TESLA COILS ARE A WISE DEFENSIVE STRATEGY / T-Rex: Never played it!! / Devil: FEW CAN SURVIVE THEIR ELECTRICAL ONSLAUGHT http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=472
sisterhood	T-Rex: So what's the deal with SISTERHOOD? / T-Rex: Hah hah! / T-Rex: Am I right? / Dromiceiomimus: Oh, T-Rex! Are you upset because as a male, you'll never be able to know the small joys and frustrations of having and being a sister? / T-Rex: No way! I know all about sisterhood! I know all about all sorts of things. / Utahraptor: I don't think you do! I think this is something which almost by definition is unknowable for you. / T-Rex: Well even if it WAS, I could always get a sex change and a new family or something. I don't know! How nuanced can it be to be a member of a set of two mutually female siblings? / Utahraptor: You'll never know! / T-Rex: Do you ever wonder what the pillow fights are like? http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=473
freezing time to live longer	T-Rex: I no longer wish to die someday! It's true! I have decided that aging is for CHUMPS. / T-Rex: And as a non-chump, this means I must find a way to be immortal! / Dromiceiomimus: T-Rex, we've gone over this before! Remember? Immrtality could violate conservation of energy laws? Science means that not all dreams can come true? / T-Rex: This is true! But I have found a LOOPHOLE. A loophole... in science! / Utahraptor: Mind describing this "loophole", T-Rex? / T-Rex: Sure! I will simply freeze TIME ITSELF. / T-Rex: That way we ALL get to live forever without breaking any universal laws! Watch! / Utahraptor: Wait, WAIT! We'll never be able to become unfrozen, because that action requires time!! / T-Rex: I'm sure I have no idea what you're tal- / Narrator: TIMELESS AGES LATER: http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=474

our first look at the french rap universe	T-Rex: There are a few moments in my life at which, I can now see in hindsight, critical events took place. / T-Rex: These events set in motion other events which finally led to the person I am today! / T-Rex: For instance: Dromiceiomimus! Had you and I never met, I would never have become so good at Scrabble! / Dromiceiomimus: Well, ah ha, I'm not sure that you wouldn't have picked it up somewhere else! / T-Rex: Still! Things would be different! / Utahraptor: That's the best example you can come up with? Scrabble? / T-Rex: Well! / T-Rex: All I really wanted to point out was that it's cool to think about these things sometimes. You know, like chance jobs where you met friends (or perhaps LOVERS?) - things like that! / Utahraptor: I'm not convinced that such small events can have that large an impact! / Narrator: MEANWHILE, IN A PARALLEL "FRENCH RAP" UNIVERSE: / T-Rex: Oui oui tout le monde - et ca n' arret pas!! / T-Rex: Je veux une petite quelque chose quelque chose! http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=475
amusing observations about everyday life	T-Rex: Here are some amusing observations about everyday life! / T-Rex: 1) Men stereotypically leave the toilet seat up! / T-Rex: 2) Parking spaces can be rare. / T-Rex: 3) Airplane food? / T-Rex: Well... that's it! / Utahraptor: The first of your "amusing observations" seems almost reverse sexist! / T-Rex: Explain! / Utahraptor: Well, you're making jokes about men, but that's because they're the safe target! They're usually seen as having power in society. Would you make an equivalent joke about a woman? / T-Rex: Sheesh, of course I would! I make jokes about whomever I please! / Narrator: OUR STORY TAKES A SUDDEN DIVE... INTO GRAMMATICAL SCRUTINY! / T-Rex: Is "whom" a necessary English construction? Its role as object is already indicated by syntax. http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=476
sexualized bikes	T-Rex: I discovered some bad news yesterday: my bicycle needs a new seat! / T-Rex: The SHAFT upon which the seat is MOUNTED has become bent! / Dromiceiomimus: Whoah, T-Rex! Such sexualized language! / T-Rex: I'm sorry! It's just hard to talk about bicycles without sexualized language. That's the nature of the beast! / T-Rex: I also need a new PUMP for my tires. / Utahraptor: I'm pretty sure you could avoid this if you wanted, T-Rex! / T-Rex: I really don't think I could! / T-Rex: To summarize: the THRUST of what I'm saying is - / Utahraptor: "Thrust"? / T-Rex: - apparently unable to PENETRATE your skepticism - / Utahraptor: You're not impressing anyone, T-Rex! / God: YEAH I'M NOT IMPRESSED EITHER / T-Rex: Really? / God: OKAY MAYBE JUST A LI'L http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=477
spring break!!	T-Rex: Spring Break!! / T-Rex: Woooo! / T-Rex: Wooo! / T-Rex: SPRING BREAK! / Dromiceiomimus: Woah, hold up! WHICH spring break, T-Rex? You don't go to school! / T-rex: Nevertheless, I feel I am entitled to one! / T-Rex: Woooo! / T-Rex: Spring break WOOO!! / Utahraptor: You think that if you shout "woo!" enough, a party will form, don't you? / T-Rex: The thought DID cross my mind! / Utahraptor: Well it won't work! It takes more than shouting "spring break" and "woo" to make a party happen! / T-Rex: My theory and teen movies would disagree with you my friend! / T-Rex: Spring break! / T-Rex: WOOOOOO! / Narrator: DANCING LADIES AND TASTY SNACKS SUDDENLY APPEAR JUST OFFSCREEN: / T-Rex: Excellent! http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=478
spring is my favourite season	T-Rex: Yes my friends, spring will be coming soon! / T-Rex: Hooray!! / T-Rex: Spring is my favourite season, Dromiceiomimus. Do you know why? / Dromiceiomimus: Nope! / T-Rex: It is my favourite season because it is so pretty! / Utahraptor: Wait - just a few months ago you told me summer was your favourite season! / T-Rex: Oops! / Utahraptor: Could it be that you've been LYING to us, and that you don't really HAVE a favourite season? / T-Rex: No, I wasn't lying! / T-Rex: I just -- um! / Narrator: NO ONE BELIEVES T-REX EVER AGAIN: / T-Rex: Fuuuuck http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=479

you cannot step into the same river twice	T-Rex: Today I believe in temporal presentism! Only the objects around me are real. They exist in space, but not in time! / T-Rex: Neither the past nor the future actually exists! / T-Rex: Each moment is unique, and life is but series of moments, connected by our memories! We speak of events occurring in the past only as a matter of convenience. / Utahraptor: So the past is an illusion, eh? / T-Rex: Yep! / Utahraptor: Yet we're having a conversation and you remember what's going on! / T-Rex: Aha, my friend! That's only because this present moment is predicated on past moments being as they were. / Utahraptor: This is a stupid theory! It doesn't get you anything! / T-Rex: It does explain why time travel isn't possible! You can't visit a past or future that doesn't exist! / T-Rex: Th- That's pretty much it! http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=480
valentine's day: personal politics	T-Rex: Today is Valentine's day! / T-Rex: Hah hah! Sucks to THAT! / T-Rex: I believe it to be a MANUFACTURED HOLIDAY. Last year it brought me nothing but trouble, so this year I am going out of my way to make sure that everyone knows they don't have to celebrate their love if they don't want to! / Utahraptor: Isn't that kind of a jerky thing to do? / T-Rex: Perhaps! / Utahraptor: More than perhaps! Lots of people just use Valentine's day as an excuse for spending time with their sweeties, commercialism or not. Nothing ruins a romantic evening like a T-Rex barging in and calling it a corporate-sponsored fraud! / Narrator: IT'S TRUE: / Voice from outside the panel: You jerk! / T-Rex: You'll thank me when you share my politics! http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=481
dinosaur laffs featuring t-rex the dinosaur	Narrator: "DINOSAUR LAFFS" featuring t-rex the dinosaur / T-Rex: Hey God! Check this out! / God: OKAY / T-Rex: A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face?" / God: T-REX I'M GOD AND I SAY THAT IS NOT A VERY GOOD JOKE / T-Rex: What?! It was awesome! / T-Rex: HORSES have long faces! / T-Rex: LITERAL long faces! / T-Rex: I bet you don't know much about good jokes anyway! / God: WELL ACTUALLY / Utahraptor: Hey T-Rex! / T-Rex: Oh hey Utahraptor! Check this out: a dog with a missing foot hobbles into a bar and drawls "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"! / Utahraptor: Huh? / T-Rex: Because sometimes cowboys' parents got shot? / Utahraptor: Oh! Oh man - that is an awful joke! / God: TELL HIM I'M GOD AND I AGREE WITH HIS ACCURATE ASSESSMENT / T-Rex: I won't! / God: BUT YOU AGREE IT'S AN ACCURATE ASSESSMENT THOUGH RIGHT / God: IT'S PRETTY ACCURATE http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=482
facts which may or may not be true about motorcycle enthusiasts	Narrator: FACTS WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT BE TRUE ABOUT MOTORCYCLE ENTHUSIASTS COMICS / T-Rex: Motorcycle enthusiasts call cars "cages"! / T-Rex: Motorcycle enthusiasts enjoy "souping up" their rides almost as much as anime fans enjoy the classic "Battle Angel Alita" graphic novels! / T-Rex: Wow! / Utahaptor: Motorcycle enthusiasts tell each other apart by their helmet "street tags"! / T-Rex: I know! / T-Rex: But did YOU know that some motorcycle enthusiasts refer to long motorcycle rides as "numb bumming"? / Utahraptor: In fact I did! Did YOU know that some enthusiasts subscribe to magazines focused on their particular enthusiasm? / Narrator: DEDICATED TO MOTORCYCLE ENTHUSIASTS AROUND THE WORLD / Narrator: YOU GUYS SURE DO LIKE TO RIDE MOTORCYCLES http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=483
happy dog the happy dog	T-Rex: My friends, I have written a new book! / T-Rex: A book for CHILDREN! / T-Rex: My book is called "Happy Dog the Happy Dog" and it mixes the story of Happy Dog with important lessons I've chosen about life! It also features adorable drawings of happy dogs. Amazing! / Utahraptor: So let's hear some of this amazing book! / T-Rex: I'd be pleased to give a reading! / T-Rex: "Happy Dog the happy dog is the happiest dog on his street! He loves to play in the grass. Everyone you know will one day be dead!" / Utahraptor: Whoah, what?! T-Rex! That's awful! / T-Rex: "Happy Dog loves to play fetch with a young boy named Timmy! Timmy is Happy Dog's best friend. Timmy is made out of meat. Your whole family is made out of meat." / T-Rex: What's up? http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=484

Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 >>