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an awesome week - zole - dinosaurz with attitude DINOSAURZ WITH ATTITUDE / T-Rex: Straight outta prehistoric Compton, a crazy motherf***er named T-Rex! / T-Rex: I mack on hoes in hopes of having sex! / T-Rex: I don't need an AK, cause I've got a foot! That can stomp your house into a pile of soot! Sucker MCs see me bend my knees- / Dromiceiomimus: Please don't stomp on 'em, T-Rex! / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus please! / T-Rex: Stomping on fools is my favourite sport! Here comes the Utahraptor with a witty retort! / Utahraptor: My skills are ill cause I predate time! Ain't no mics been invented to amplify my rhymes! / T-Rex: Sucks to be you! / Utahraptor: That is certainly true! / T-Rex: My rhymes are so oldschool, the school is still new!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=273
an awesome week - steve carey - crime stomper 2 / dress up T-Rex: This is MY town - a dirty town, but I'm gonna clean it up... / Narrator: T-REX IN: CRIME STOMPER 2 / Dromiceiomimus: T-Rex! You can't stomp that house! You don't have a warrant!! / T-Rex: Don't try to stop me - this cabin is a FRONT! / T-Rex: ... for DRUGS!! / T-Rex: You wanted to see me, chief? / Utahraptor: Dammit Rex! That cabin belonged to a well-respected businessman!! / T-Rex: Yeah, well respected... for DRUGS! / Utahraptor: That's it Rex! You're a loose cannon and I want your gun and badge!! / Utahraptor: You're suspended - indefinitely! / T-Rex: But - but I have low self-esteem! Remember??
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=274
an awesome week - elliott g. garbauskas - lasagna Pterodactyl 1: I made us a lasagna for dinner- we just have to heat it up. / Pterodactyl 2: Great! / Pterodactyl 2: Man, I already had lasagna for lunch / Narrator: Earlier that day / Pterodactyl 2: Lasagna!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=275
an awesome week - dave bort - rabbits! Dromeceiomimus: Hey,T-Rex! / T-Rex: What? Oh, yes! That's right, other dinosaur, it's me, your life-long friend, T-Rex! / Dromeceiomimus: Huh? / Utahraptor: Hey T-Rex, it's almost noon. You hungry? / T-Rex: Of course I'm hungry! I could eat my weight in carrots -- er -- raw meat. / T-Rex: Because I'm a carnivore! / Utahraptor: Hmm... / Utahraptor: Say, what do you think about stomping on some houses and stuff? / T-Rex: No way! I might accidentally hurt some rabbits! / T-Rex: ...which would actually be okay because, as a carnivore, I... eat... rabbits. / Utahraptor: Okay, hold it right there, you impostor. / T-Rex: but-- / Utahraptor: Gotcha! / T-Rex: Wha?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=276
an awesome week, continued! - jeff rowland - our first home People in Car: Oh honey! I've never been so excited!! / Person 1: Our first home! / Person 2: Dang right, Honey Buns! It's darn near as perfect as perfect can be!! / T-Rex: THE PLIGHT OF THE LOWER CLASS WILL NEVER BE UNDERSTOOD BY THE WEALTHY / Person 2: What is that? / Person 2: Damn you, Opportunistic real estate agency!! / Person 1: Our dreams / Sign: Qwantz Realty / "No refunds"
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=277
 
an awesome week, continued! - joey comeau - the fourth wall T-Rex: Today, gentle reader of the comic in which I am a character, (perhaps the TITLE character?) we are going to break the 4th wall. / T-Rex: We may, in fact, be doing it now! / Dromiceiomimus: It's called the fouth wall in theatre because of the three walls of the set, isn't it? In comics, wouldn't we call it the fifth wall? The first four walls would be the four sides of the panel, wouldn't they? / T-Rex: N... No? / Utahraptor: I think she's right, T-Rex. / Utahraptor: The question you have to ask yourself now, is which of the four walls did you break? / T-Rex: Oh no! / {{alt-text: it would be funny to do another one that is the same, but then the side panel on the right breaks, and he's like, 'oh.'}}
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=278
an awesome week, continued! - gilyan merry - law order T-Rex: What's all this then? I appear to be made of crude sticks and dots! And I feel mildly chunky! / T-Rex: ALTERNATE UNIVERSE! / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, in this universe, instead of being my ex-girlfriend, you are a street-wisened homicide detective named "Lenny"! / Dromiceiomimus: Spread 'em, perp! / T-Rex: I will be a racially stereotyped informant named "Miguel Sanchez"! / Utahraptor: WAIT. / Utahraptor: That's not an alternate universe, that's "Law and Order". And it doesn't have anything to do with stick figures. / T-Rex: Oh YEAH? Well, / Narrator: Executive Producer DICK WOLF
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=279
an awesome week, continued! - pieter serkeyn - the lion king T-Rex: The Lion King is a great movie! / T-Rex: It has everything a good movie needs. / T-Rex: Plus a beautiful message, without making the movie too corny. / T-Rex: Yup. Great movie it was. / Utahraptor: What about the discrimination? The female lions aways have to hunt while the men sleep. / T-Rex: That wasn't in the movie. / Utahraptor: Exactly. They totally avoided the subject. / T-Rex: *gasp*
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=280
an awesome week, continued! - dave cheung - alternative rendering comics! Narrator: ALTERNATIVE RENDERINGS GUEST COMICS!!! by Dave Cheung / T-Rex: I may look different, but I assure you... / T-Rex: I am as much myself as I have ever been! / T-Rex: Why, I still take immense pleasure in stomping on this conveniently placed log cabin. / Dromiceiomimus: ... / T-Rex: And of course, a young lady that is in a prime position for a good stomping herself. / <>> / T-Rex: THIS CANNOT BEEE!!!!! / <> / T-Rex: RAAAARG!!! / Utahraptor: Well, I do hope you've learned something from this unfortunate episode. / T-Rex: Indeed I have. Indeed I HAVE! / T-Rex: STOMP HARDER!!!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=281
an awesome week, concluded! - matt shepherd - contradiction city T-Rex: Know what I hate? Comics that break the "fourth wall!" / T-Rex: Damn straight! / T-Rex: It's cheap lazy writing by talentless hacks with no creative muscle! / T-Rex: You heard me! If anyone were to debase this comic with cheap "fourth wall" jokes, I would crush not only this house and family, but the "fourth wall" joke-teller him- or herself! That is the extent of my rancor and wrath! / T-Rex: Take that, self-aware nincompoops! Feel the foot wrath of my feet! / Utahraptor: Hold it! / Utahraptor: Stop! / Utahraptor: Don't you realize that by going on this tirade you are not only revealing the "fourth wall" of this strip, but coming of as a phony who criticizes the very flaws he indulges in for comic effect? / T-Rex: I must have taken a wrong left turn near Albuquerque! / T-Rex: Because now I am trapped in Contradiction City!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=282
 
an awesome week, concluded! - justin pierce - godot / dinosaur battle alpha 2k T-Rex: I should go. / T-Rex: But I can't! / T-Rex: And why not? / T-Rex: I'm waiting For Godot! / T-Rex: You're sure it was here? / Dromiceiomimus: What? / T-Rex: That we were to wait. / Dromiceiomimus: He said by the tree. Do you see any others? / Utahraptor: What is it? / T-Rex: I don't know. A willow. / Utahraptor: Where are the leaves? / T-Rex: It must be dead. / Utahraptor: No more weeping! / T-Rex: Or perhaps it's not the season. / Utahraptor: Looks more to me like a bush. / T-Rex: A shrub. / Utahraptor: A bush. / Narrator: LATER... / T-Rex: Godot! Where were you? / Godot: Hey, man! What's the haps?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=283
an awesome week, concluded! - steve hogan - jester regular T-Rex: Okay! Time to get down to some squashing! Hey... what gives? What's with the word balloon and the jester regular font? / Utahraptor: There's a real gay looking Josie and the Pussycats type background too! / T-Rex: There's only four panels, no little people, no dromiceiomimus, and we look all different! Everything's changed! / Utahraptor: We've broken free from the endless cycle! From here on, anything can happen! / T-Rex: Let's eat a flintstone!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=284
an awesome week, concluded! - phiip - something's wrong today T-Rex: something's wrong today... / Utahraptor: what? / T-Rex: things are not the way they should be / Utahraptor: why not? / T-Rex: I usually star in the first panel, then you, my sidekick, come only three panels later... / Utahraptor: oh... / T-Rex: but there you are today... / Utahraptor: sorry / T-Rex: and all panels are identical! / Utahraptor: sorry again / T-Rex: you should be / Utahraptor: aaaaah!! we're moving!! / T-Rex: what the... / Utahraptor: I'm scared!! / Utahraptor: we're going to die!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! / T-Rex: no, we're saved! / Utahraptor: how's that? / T-Rex: it always ends in the sixth panel! / Utahraptor: oh... / Utahraptor: so it's ending now, right? / T-Rex: well... / Utahraptor: please hold my hand, I'm scared! / T-Rex: I can't, I'm stuck here! / T-Rex: and I'm not gay!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=285
an awesome week, concluded! - ryan armand - the greatest t-rex in the world T-Rex: I am such a great T-Rex! / T-Rex: In fact, I must be the greatest T-Rex in the world! / T-Rex: Hey, Dromiceiomimus! Look at me as I crush this small building! Don't you think I possess the greatest building crushing form in the world? / Dromiceiomimus: It's ok. I guess... / T-Rex: What? By "ok", do you mean GREAT? And by "I guess", do you mean "know with absolute certainty?" If so, then I agree! / T-Rex: Utahraptor! Take a look at what I'm going to do to this unsuspecting woman! / Utahraptor: Huh? / T-Rex: My stomp exhibits far more grace than any other T-Rex! Just another example of why I'm the greatest! / Utahraptor: It was a pretty good... stomp... I suppose. But you're not the greatest T-Rex. That title belongs to Steve on the other side of the river. / T-Rex: What!? / T-Rex: I must defeat him!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=286
an awesome week, concluded! - lick my jesus - biscuits and gravy T-Rex: I would like to start a biscuits and gravy club. / T-Rex: I LOVE biscuits and gravy! / T-Rex: I believe I would call it "Get Biscuits, Pal, Or Go To An Early Gravy." / Utahraptor: T-Rex, that sounds like an ad slogan, not the name of an organization. / T-Rex: It does? / Utahraptor: Something more official sounding would be better. Might I suggest "Biscuits and Gravy Associated"? / T-Rex: At least we can agree on one thing... / T-Rex: Biscuit fever is here to stay!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=289
 
you can see the wheel between his hands T-Rex: I've been practicing a little something in my spare time! / T-Rex: Mime! / T-Rex: / T-Rex: Amazing, eh, Dromiceiomimus? / Dromiceiomimus: What, that? You were supposed to be miming? / T-Rex: Driving a car! Uncanny, yes? Don't worry, there is no invisible car! / Utahraptor: That's not what driving a car looks like! / T-Rex: Oh yeah? You can do better? / Utahraptor: Watch this! / T-Rex: Oh, whatever! / T-Rex: whatever, man! / T-Rex: That's nothing! You wanna see what driving a car REALLY looks like? / T-Rex: beep beep
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=290
solving problems by declaring parts of your life to be non-canon comics T-Rex: I have received a stern letter from the "government"! They are angry because I didn't pay my "taxes" last year! Well, guess what, government? / T-Rex: Last year is now officially non-canon! / Narrator: T-REX IN: SOLVING PROBLEMS BY DECLARING PARTS OF YOUR LIFE TO BE NON-CANON / T-Rex: I got the idea from TV! From now on, whenever something I don't like happens to me, I'll just declare it to be non-canon! / Dromiceiomimus: Is this conversation canon? / T-Rex: So far! / Utahraptor: You can't apply ideas from FICTION to your own life! / T-Rex: Sure I can! I just did! / T-Rex: Remember that time I got beat up in Grade 2? Guess what? It's not canon anymore! And remember that time I lost a baby? Guess what? / Utahraptor: It's not canon anymore? / T-Rex: CORRECT! / T-Rex: In summary, any event in which I was embarrassed is now non-canon! / T-Rex: I've also retroconned my name to be "Mister Awesome", by the way! / T-Rex: JEALOUS?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=291
emergent behaviour Narrator: IDENTITY THEORY COMICS / T-Rex: The identity theory is that all states of the mind are identical to all states of the brain! / T-Rex:This means that for every perception, every emotion, even for every thought that I have, there is a corresponding state in my brain to match. / T-Rex: My sense of self itself is nothing more than the physical state of the chemicals and neurons in my stately skull! / Utahraptor: Your theory has appeal, T-Rex! / T-Rex: It does? / Utahraptor: Sure! It seems rational, plus it gives up hope that we could design a computer with a consciousness and - dare I dread - a soul! / T-Rex: But it's not that simple! / Utahraptor: Sure it is! If you're hung up about consciousness, consider it to be emergent behavior! / T-Rex: Dude, I don't even know what that is!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=292
the magic ring T-Rex: I've had a great idea! I'm going to convince one of my friends that I have a magical ring. But the catch is, the ring only works if you are pure of heart! / T-Rex: So, this friend of mine will undergo a regime of self-improvement! / T-Rex: However, when they finally have bettered themselves and are "pure of heart", they will realize that there was no magic ring: the magic was in them, all along! / Dromiceiomimus: But – that doesn't really make sense. / T-Rex: Sure it does! It's a magic ring! / Narrator: LATER... / Utahraptor: T-Rex, do you want to come over this evening to watch a movie? / T-Rex: Sure! / T-Rex: Actually, I was hoping I'd run into you. I have a MAGIC RING that I'd like to give to you! But the catch is, it only works if you are pure of heart. / Utahraptor: Oh – thanks, but never-mind. I had one of those before, and it turns out the magic was in me, all along. / T-Rex: Well, would– / T-Rex: Would you like another?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=293
spring has proceeded to spring T-Rex: It's my favourite season: / T-Rex: Spring! / T-Rex: In spring you get flowers popping up, new fresh air, young lovers walking hand-in-hand... / T-Rex: It's all very pretty! / Utahraptor: Do I detect a note of melancholy in your voice? / T-Rex: Perhaps! / T-Rex: It's just like - I wish I were part of that young couple walking hand-in-hand, you know? / Utahraptor: I do! Sometimes, I feel like my youth is slipping away from me, like I should be doing more... / T-Rex: Yeah... / T-Rex: Anyway, who cares? It's spring!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=294
 
dinosaurs were scallywags T-Rex: Yes, it's spring! Time to go for long walks in the springtime sun! / T-Rex: It's extra nice, since today I have a full stomach! Life is good! / T-Rex: Fancy meeting you here, Dromiceiomimus! Out for a walk in the springtime? / Dromiceiomimus: I am, T-Rex, and you as well, I see! / T-Rex: It is a popular pasttime on the first warm day of the year! / Utahraptor: There you are, you jerk! You ate all my cookies last night! / T-Rex: Ha ha, yep! Sure did! / Utahraptor: I didn't invite you over to eat all my cookies, T-Rex! / T-Rex: You went to the washroom and I was hungry! Let us just enjoy this fine day together! / Utahraptor: I'm not going to enjoy it with you when you stole all my cookies, you scallywag! / T-Rex: Whoah, hold up! / T-Rex: "Scallywag"?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=295
[whispering] i made this for you T-Rex: I've come across a way of making any otherwise-simple sentence sinister and creepy! The secret is simple: / T-Rex: The secret is whispering! / T-Rex: It works as follows: assume it's your birthday today, Dromiceiomimus. If I were to say, "Happy birthday, Dromiceiomimus!" that would sound normal, yes? / Dromiceiomimus: Yes! / T-Rex: But check out what happens if I whisper! / T-Rex: [[whispers]] happy birthday dromiceiomimus / Dromiceiomimus: Oh my goodness! / Utahraptor: Ooh, do it on me! Pretend I got a new shirt or something! / T-Rex: Okay, I'll try! / T-Rex: [[whispers]] that shirt looks good on you, utahraptor / T-Rex: [[whispers]] it looks good on your body / Utahraptor: Oh wow! / T-Rex: See? Creeeeepy!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=296
vegetables for bachelors Narrator: RECIPE COMICS / Narrator: today's recipe / Narrator: VEGETABLES FOR BACHELORS / T-Rex: CUT AND SAVE! / T-Rex: Eating vegetables can be a pain for today's breed of young, cool, somehow single men! / T-Rex: The trick, Dromiceiomimus, is NOT to make vegetables fun. Nothing makes vegetables fun except using them as weapons (carrot swords, etc). / T-Rex: The TRICK is to put all the vegetables into one easy-to-make, delicious dish! / Dromiceiomimus: How do you do it? / T-Rex: Well, I'm glad you asked! / Utahraptor: You chop up two potatoes, two tomatoes, and one onion, and throw them all in a pot! / Utahraptor: Then, you add about 3 cups of spinach, and 1/2 cup of water, and maybe a few chopped-up chili peppers if you like your vegetables like you like your women (spicy). / T-Rex: Cover and cook over medium heat until the potatoes are soft! / T-Rex: Awesome! Okay, once more, from the top! / T-Rex: This is going to be the best talent show ever!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=297
gambling makes you appear more attractive in the eyes of women Narrator: LOGICAL FALLACY COMICS PRESENTS: "THE GAMBLER'S FALLACY" / T-Rex: The gambler's fallacy is when one assumes that a deviation from what occurs in the long term... / T-Rex: ...will be corrected in the short term! / T-Rex: This is most often seen when people play games of chance. They'll assume that, say, since they've had such bad luck with rolls of the dice recently, they are somehow "due" for a good roll! / T-Rex: However, in most cases things are independent. The results of the previous roll has no bearing on the current roll! / Utahraptor: And just how is this a logical fallacy, T-Rex? It sounds more like basic probability! / T-Rex: Well... / Utahraptor: "Well..." / T-Rex: Whatever!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=298
gambling makes you appear more attractive in the eyes of women Narrator: LOGICAL FALLACY COMICS PRESENTS: "THE GAMBLER'S FALLACY" / T-Rex: The gambler's fallacy is when one assumes that a deviation from what occurs in the long term... / T-Rex: ...will be corrected in the short term! / T-Rex: This is most often seen when people play games of chance. They'll assume that, say, since they've had such bad luck with rolls of the dice recently, they are somehow "due" for a good roll! / T-Rex: However, in most cases things are independent. The results of the previous roll has no bearing on the current roll! / Utahraptor: And just how is this a logical fallacy, T-Rex? It sounds more like basic probability! / T-Rex: Well... / Utahraptor: "Well..." / T-Rex: Whatever!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=298
compressed film comics V Narrator: COMPRESSED FILM COMICS / Narrator: today's film: / Narrator: STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN / T-Rex: Oh man! / T-Rex: Khaaaaaaaaan! / T-Rex: Hah hah, OK. You are my son, David, and we are trying to locate the Genesis device, which has been stolen, and which has the awesome power to reshape worlds! / T-Rex: I just hope my arch-nemesis, Khan, a genetically engineered superman from Earth's Eugenic Wars of the 1990s, doesn't show up! / T-Rex: I stranded him on a planet years ago, and he never forgets a face! / Utahraptor: To the last, I will grapple with thee! From hell's heart, I stab at thee! / T-Rex: Khan! / Utahraptor: That's right Kirk! And though I may think, tactically, in 2 dimensions, I can still destroy your precious Enterprise! / T-Rex: Not if I disable your ship first! / Utahraptor: Then I'll engage the Genesis device and blow us both out of the sky! / T-Rex: Scotty, I need war speed in three minutes or we're all dead! / T-Rex: Although I somehow feel as though we'll warp away just as Genesis goes off, and that Spock will die at the end (needs of the many)!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=299
 
prequels and faked, um, orgasms Narrator: HAVE YOU EVER FAKED IT DURING SEX COMICS / T-Rex: No! / T-Rex: Have you, Dromiceiomimus? / Dromiceiomimus: Yep. / T-Rex: Yeah... / T-Rex: *sigh* / T-Rex: ... yeah, me too. / Narrator: fin / Narrator: COMICS IN WHICH EVERYBODY DIES / Narrator: a prequel / T-Rex: I say we kill all of them! / Utahraptor: Seconded! / All: MOTION PASSES! / T-Rex: Meeting adjourned! / Narrator: NEXT: EVERYBODY DIES! :0
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=300
good gossip T-Rex: I demand instant gratification! / Narrator: SECONDS LATER... / T-Rex: I'm not gratified! / T-Rex: Maybe instant gratification isn't- / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus! How long have you been standing there?! / Dromiceiomimus: Long enough! / Narrator: POSTSCRIPT: THE NEXT DAY / Utahraptor: I'm T-Rex and I demand instant gratification! / T-Rex: Those were my private thoughts! She had no right to tell you! / Utahraptor: Hah hah hah! It's good gossip! / T-Rex: Haha, I guess I was being kind of silly! / T-Rex: Listen though, don't tell my mom, okay?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=301
bicycle puns can get tireing T-Rex: I've bought myself a new means of transportation! / T-Rex: A bicycle! / T-Rex: Do you want to go on a bike ride, Dromiceiomimus? / Dromiceiomimus: I don't have a bike! / T-Rex: You can watch me! / Dromiceiomimus: No thanks! / Utahraptor: I'll go on a bike ride with you, T-Rex! / T-Rex: Great! / T-Rex: We can race! We'll ring our little bells as we zoom by pedestrians, making their hair swoosh in the direction of our travel! / Utahraptor: This is once race you're going to lose, T-Rex! / T-Rex: Oh really? I think you might find you SPOKE too soon, my friend! / T-Rex: That's a bicycle pun, by the way! / T-Rex: (You can use it if you want!)
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=302
political protest poetry (not yet set to music) T-Rex: I've entered a poetry contest! / T-Rex: I can't lose! / T-Rex: Right, Dromiceiomimus? I'm a good poet, right? / Dromiceiomimus: Sure! Although I've not heard much of your poetry! / T-Rex: I can assure you that my poetry is great, unlike our current department of state! / Utahraptor: Your poetry sounds a little political, T-Rex! / T-Rex: It's how I express myself! / Utahraptor: But is this poetry contest for political poems or for, you know, poems about the sky and how magical it is to wake up in the morning? / T-Rex: I can do both! Observe: / T-Rex: I like the flowers and the sky, They light up my spirit and let it fly, They keep my happiness in high supply, / T-Rex: Unlike our current political leadership! / T-Rex: The End, by T-Rex, ps: my soul is chaos!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=303
irresistible to women Lady 1: Whooo! / Lady 2: Hey there, hot stuff! / Lady 3 / Puma: Rrrawl! / T-Rex: Ladies, please! One at a time! / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus! / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, you've got to help me! I've doused myself in a chemical I discovered that makes me seem irresistible to women! Only I've become TOO irresistible! It's out of control! / Dromiceiomimus: Sure, I'll help you! Why don't we start with my helping you out in the ways of... PLEASURE? / T-Rex: Oh no! It's affected her too! / T-Rex: I'm doomed! / Utahraptor: Well, isn't this what you wanted? / T-Rex: Utahraptor! / T-Rex: You've got to help me, Utahraptor! I don't know what to do! / Utahraptor: Why? You're living every teenage boy's fantasy! / T-Rex: It's a stupid fantasy! It doesn't even make sense! / T-Rex: I mean, a chemical that makes me seem irresistible to women? What is that, reverse alcohol? / T-Rex: I like to keep my sexual fantasies grounded in good science, thanks!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=304
 

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